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“I can’t help but worry about you, Annie. You’re very important to me” he says in a serious tone, ensuring she knows just how honest he is being.
She decides to take a leap of faith, and leans in. Much to her surprise and slight confusion too, he’s also leaning in. Is this happening? Is Jeff actually-
His lips meet hers, and it’s like she’s home.
She’s missed this, being up close to Jeff, connected in such an intimate way. He's a little tentative, but so is she - like they aren’t entirely sure how this came about but both are glad about it. They haven't kissed properly since the tranny dance, but damn has she wanted to.
Jeff’s almost confused at how right it feels. He’s not been great at admitting his feelings for Annie - especially to himself - but right now, his lips on hers, he’s found where he belongs.
Annie suddenly gets a de ja vu. She isn’t sure where, who, or why - but his words definitely feel familiar. But then, her thoughts about why this is so recognisable are entirely interrupted. As though they were never even there.
Because she can very clearly hear Britta and Shirley’s argument, already uncomfortable about the words she can hear, and pulls away from Jeff’s lips abruptly.
She puts her pointer finger to Jeff’s lips quickly to indicate as politely as she can to not ask why she's pulled away, the other three finger tips and thumb resting lightly on his chin. He watches her expressions closely as they hear something yelled that makes her stomach drop to the floor.
“I can’t believe I am feeding my pies to a drug addict!”
It's as if it's the loudest thing to hear in the whole apartment, even drowning out Troy and Pierce’s fight.
Annie’s face falls, her heart constricts and tears well in her eyes. She bites her lip, the one she was so happy to have between Jeff’s own less than a minute ago, to give herself some sort of stimulus to remain in the present. To stop her brain from transporting herself to three years ago. Hearing her mother screaming at her in her hospital bed.
She’s disgusting. She’s a disappointment. She’s let her family down. Anthony used to look up to you, now you're just pathetic...
Her thoughts move too fast for her to catch up, and she starts to spin out of control.
Jeff, who was confused as to why the women he was making out with had silenced him with a finger to his lips, hears exactly what she does - anyone in the radius could - but with the look on Annie’s face it’s not hard to understand that she had not only clearly heard it too, but realised the implications of her own illness in Shirley’s words.
Annie’s knees go weak for all the wrong reasons, Jeff thankfully realising quickly, and wrapping his arms around her waist.
“Shhh, I’ve got you” he whispers while pulling her in close, squished up against his chest and a firm hand stroking her hair soothingly, hoping to calm her down.
Feeling herself pressed against his chest, Annie’s own heart beat begins to slow in recognition of his.
She always feels safe and secure wrapped up by him, like no one can hurt her. Not when Jeff’s holding her.
The next thing they hear is the front door open and shut. “Pizza time!” He calls out, the room quietening down as Abed walks in with the Pizza, looking around to observe his friends as he enters.
“I wonder what happened in all those other timelines. I gotta say, I hope this is the real one because I found a nickel in the hallway” he says proudly.
Abed then looks around, seeing Shirley and Britta turned away from each other, each looking furious; and Troy and Pierce with stone cold expressions. He turns around, having been unable to see Jeff and Annie.
He looks through the kitchen divider, seeing Jeff with his arms wrapped around Annie, comforting her.
The others would have noticed too if they weren’t so focused on what was clearly their own arguments.
Abed, deciding to give them a little extra space, asks Shirley and Pierce to look at the view. The view that he knows is nothing spectacular, but knows if he says it with such conviction - as though he absolutely loves it - that they just walk over to the window.
As Pierce and Shirley head over to the window, both still grumbling under their breath, Abed whispers to Britta and Troy “go into our room, you guys can talk about whatever’s upset you both” before moving to join Pierce and Shirley, intending to keep them occupied.
Annie is too in her own head, over-thinking and spinning out about how Shirley must really think of her, if her mother was right all along - but Jeff notices immediately what Abed is doing.
He looks to Abed with a grateful expression, mouthing ‘thank you’. Abed gives a subtle nod and sympathetic smile back, as if to say ‘of course, you’re welcome’.
Jeff slowly pulls back, ducking until he's eye-level with Annie, who’s clearly dissociating.
“You wanna stay? I can say something to Shirley if you want?” He asks thoughtfully.
She shakes her head, “no, please don’t, I just want to go home” she whispers, her voice still cracking despite being so quiet.
She looks around to see no one’s there, then looks back to Jeff who nods towards the front door. Annie already had her bag with her, so they exit the kitchen, Annie still tucked under Jeff’s arm.
“Jeffery! What do you think you’re doing sneaking off with our sweet girl?” He hears in a righteous, judgemental tone from behind him. He knows Shirley wouldn’t usually be so accusatory or intentionally rude, she’s just still riled up from the fight with Britta, probably not even knowing Annie heard it in the first place or that it would upset her if she had.
But his protectiveness is still fierce. He keeps Annie facing the other way - towards the door - and turns over his shoulder to see Shirley having escaped Abed’s distraction, next to Abed with an apologetic look on his face.
He answers her with a simple and calm, yet firm and unarguable, “Annie isn’t feeling well, I’m taking her home”.
He’ll deal with Shirley another time. He knows she’s a lovely, usually gentle person who would never intentionally hurt Annie.
But she needs to to be told to watch how and when she weaponises guilt, or there becomes collateral damage, like tonight.
Weaponised guilt made for Britta, taking out Annie instead.
He leaves out the door before anyone can say anything else, the rest of the group having seen from where they were a glimpse of Annie cuddled into Jeff. He’s not usually so comforting or touchy-feely, even with Annie, so no one questions it. She must really not be feeling well.
In the meanwhile, after the door shuts behind them, Annie’s head is spinning.
‘3 years on and you’re still Little Annie Adderall. You’ll never not be her, you’ll never escape her shadow or outrun her damage. Your mother was right. You’re vile. You weren't sick you were just pathetic, and you’ll pay for it for the rest of your life. You’ll never be able to hear that tone without knowing how much you disappointed people. How your life changed. How much you miss your brother. How you have no-‘
Her spiralling thoughts and hyperventilating are interrupted by Jeff, who’s stopped where they were walking to his car to hold both of her hands stand directly in front of her again. “Annie, breathe. It’s okay, breathe” he says, which is when she realised she’d been whispering her train of thought out loud, tears having been streaming down her face.
She gasps for a breath when she’s suddenly aware how long it’s been since she’s had one.
“Come on, lets get you home” Jeff whispers.
She’s in so much of a daze - so far dissociated - that she doesn’t realise she’s not putting one foot in front of the other. She must have been stood there unmoving for a few moments, because the next thing she's aware of is when Jeff sweeps her off her feet, and into his arms. She snuggles in without even thinking, like it’s the most automatic thing to do.
He carries her out the building to his car, and one-handedly opens the passenger side door. He places her on the seat gently, and shuts it slowly, making sure it won't catch her.
These aren’t normal Annie tears, he thinks to himself. These are quiet, understated, introverted. He’s not used to that. At all.
He’s seen her cry to get him to do things. Cry because things have gone wrong. Cry because she’s overwhelmed by a class or a test.
But this is different. He’s never seen her cry from how much she hates herself.
And it’s breaking his heart.
No one’s allowed to be mean to his Annie, not even herself.
He gets into the drivers seat while she’s staring off into the distance, but she must still aware of her surroundings enough to hold a small comversation.
“I’m sorry, I totally ruined your evening” she apologises quietly.
“Hey hey, don’t be sorry - you had a panic attack, Annie - you should never be sorry for things like that” he’s quick to reply.
“No, Jeff, I ruined your time with the group all because I couldn’t hold it together” she interjects.
Jeff shakes his head, wanting to do nothing more than reassure her that right now she is his priority and honestly he couldn’t give a crap about anyone outside of that car.
“Wanna know a secret?” he whispered across the console.
She nods, sniffling.
“I wasn’t even planing on staying until now. I thought I was invited to a club opening so I was gonna show up, say hi, and run off. Turns out Abed had photoshopped the invitation and mailed it to me so I’d keep tonight open on my calendar. The sneaky, albeit very clever, bastard” he finishes with a light hearted wink.
It makes Annie giggle, she knows it shouldn’t surprise her that she’s feeling lighter already, after just a few moments alone with him.
Jeff has this way of making her feel safe, of making it feel like the world is going to be okay even when she's been feeling like she’s all alone up against it, because with him by her side she never will be.
So quiet he can barely hear her, she whispers a sincere “Thank you, Jeff” that he can feel wrap his heart up.
“I’d do anything for you Annie” he replies, almost as quiet, yet with no uncertainty.
He reaches over the console to pick up her hand closest to him, and intertwine their fingers together securely.
He keeps hold of it as he makes the short drive from Troy and Abed’s neighbourhood to Annie’s.
Trailing his thumb over the backs of her knuckles, it manages to ground him as much as it does for her. Them both finding solace and peace in the skin contact of the other.
The radio has daybreak playing, and Jeff thinks it’s only befitting of a night starting at Troy and Abed’s apartment. Annie starts humming along, which can only make Jeff smile, and hum along by her side.
Not because he wanted to hum it, just because he doesn’t want her to have to do anything alone right now. So if that means humming daybreak, then so be it.
He pulls up outside dildopolis, a location he’ll never get used to associating with Annie, when he’s suddenly alert and aware about the stabbing the other day that Annie had to deal with.
Still having their fingers intwined, he brings their joined hands up to his lips and presses a kiss to her soft knuckles.
“Let’s get you inside safe and sound, okay?” He whispers, punctuating it with one more kiss before opening his car door and letting her hand go. He runs over to her side in time to help her out the car and shut the door for her.
He tucks her under his arm into his chest, and double checks he’s locked his car before taking her up to her apartment.
She pulls her keys out of her bag, and as she does so, Jeff catches a glimpse of a bullet chamber shining back at him.
Feeling him tense up, she realises that he’s seen her little protection piece, and chuckles to herself a little. She lets them in and locks all 4 locks up behind her.
“I’ve never used it, not outside of a range or getting my licence. But after the stabbing last week I needed to know I was protected” she explains, knowing exactly what his first question will be.
“You're fully licensed? It was bought officially?”
She nods in return.
He sighs with a little relief, but also in distain of what she's having to put up with for this apartment. “So I’m guessing this whole living situation is why you were so jumpy when the pizza guy rang the buzzer earlier?” He asks with an eyebrow raised.
“I’m gonna find a new place I think” she says vaguely, walking over to her living room space and glancing around her crappy apartment. In an unsafe location, sure, but the first space she's ever had to call her own.
He walks over and wraps his arms around her waist from behind, pulling her back tight against his chest.
“I like that plan. I’ll even help you look if you like.” He places a few long kisses to the crown of her head, and leans his head to the side to look at her, not releasing his arms from around her waist yet.
“Come on, let’s get you into something softer and comfier” he whisperes.
Releasing one hand from her waist to comb his fingers through her hair, he feels the little Bobby pin above her ear where she always has her long bangs pulled out of her face, and slides it out gently, before giving her a sweet kiss on the temple.
“Can I get you something out?” He asks, genuinely intending to take care of her.
She has a shy smile on her face, her heart feeling like it could burst. “Second drawer down in the dresser, I have an oversized hoodie that I wear as a dress”.
He smiles at the thought of Annie being so small in comparison to his own height, that one of his hoodies would too likely fall down to her thighs.
He places a light kiss onto her cheek and goes to her drawer, a giant fluffy hoodie just where she said it was.
He walks towards her with it over his arm, and helps her take her cardigan off. It makes her smile, the action mirroring a way a gentleman would help with a coat.
Undressing her at this moment has no sexual component to it. He wants her to know she can lean on him as much as she needs. That he’ll be here for her, he’ll care for her. He’ll pick up the slack when she needs to rest. Because she's done it for him more times than he can count.
When she’s just in her dress she'd put on for the party, he moves to stand directly behind her so that she has some privacy at the front, before helping her lift it over her head.
It’s a testament to how much he cares, she realises, that he’s not taking any opportunity to look at or even peak at her breasts in this moment, even though she catches him staring when she’s fully clothed most days. He really is there to just help her.
He lifts the hoodie over her and places it over her head, her raised hands slotting into the arms of the hoodie. It falls down as low as her knees, and he again wraps her in a tight hug from behind once she’s snuggled and warm in it.
“Lie down sweetheart, I’ll make some tea” he says about to pull away.
“Don’t worry about tea, just come with?” she asks nervously, though there’s no need to be.
He answers her with a kiss to her temple and takes her hand, walking over to her bed and lying down first, opening his arms for her to crawl into.
She settles into his arms. The arms that make her feel safe and protected, the arms that she knows will hold her as long as she needs.
“You wanna talk about it?” He asks calmly.
“No. But I also feel like I need to” she replies entirely honestly.
“Talk to me, love” he prompts quietly.
She sighs and clings her arms around his torso, propping them both up on her multitude of pillows behind them.
“It wasn’t the actual words themselves, I was- I mean, I am a drug addict, and I’m not ashamed of that. Not in myself at least. I went through so much, I lost so many people. But it’s gotten me here and it’s brought me to all of you-" She starts.
"But it was just the way that she was so angry and disgusted by it. It was exactly how my mom screamed at me the night she left, that tone that made me feel pathetic and worthless. It made me feel just as disgusting as Mother told me I was, all over again. I wasn't ready for that, it caught me off guard as well as hurting me.”
A few tears roll out her eyes onto his shirt, but she keeps talking.
“I spent so long feeling disgusting, feeling gross - feeling like scum. That first night in rehab it felt like if people hated me, then I’d deserve it. I’d broken apart my family to do what was best for me, and it was needed - I wouldn't be still alive by now if I hadn't - but it still was selfish in its nature, and tore us apart. I haven’t seen my little brother since that day, Anthony wouldn’t even recognise me now if I passed him on the street. And I’ve gotten so good at reminding myself that my illness doesn’t make me as appalling a person as my mum told me I was-”
Her breathing begins to shake, so she pauses for a few moments.
“I was still in my hospital bed from the glass removal surgeries, and she just kept telling me that ‘she couldn’t believe she raised a drug addict’, ‘how dare I disappoint her’, ‘how dare I do this to the family’, that ‘she was astounded how filthy I was’. She wanted to move on and forget it even happened, for me to hide out in the shadows and pretend everything was okay, that I was okay. But I needed help, I wanted help. All I wanted was help, Jeff-”
She’s sobbing and struggling to take breaths in, not able to get enough air into her lungs to replace the the amount of heartbreak she’s finally let out them after all these years. Jeff continues to just hold her, stroking her back lovingly to try and ground her, knowing nothing he could say right now could change what happened, or make her feel any better about it either. All he can do is hold her, and he's okay with that.
“I was alone, and scared, and wanted help. I wanted my mom. I wanted her to hold me and tell me it would all be okay. But she just made me feel disgusting, and worthless, and I just felt it again toni- I’m sorry, I-” she interrupts herself and apologises unnecessarily, unable to speak anymore.
He himself has tears slowly falling down his face, but he couldn’t care less. He needs to hold the woman he loves while she needs him most. He scoops her up and places her in his lap, cradling her to him. He gently shushes her, combing the hand not supporting her on her back through her hair.
He plants kiss after kiss after kiss on her forehead, trying to convey through her skin how much he cares about her, how much he wants to support her; as thankfully her breathing starts to calm.
She buries her head into his neck, sobs having turned to sniffles, and places her lips to his neck, right over his pulse. Not in a sexual way, nor to leave a mark, but just so she can feel the beat of it under her lips. So she can physically feel how he’s right there for her.
“You are not disgusting. You are the most incredible, strong, courageous, caring, beautiful woman I have ever met, and I can’t begin to explain how much I wish I could go back in time and change your mothers reaction. I’ve never been so gutted as knowing how alone you felt back then. Because you weren’t disgusting then, and you aren’t disgusting now. But if there is one major change between then and now, it’s that you are not alone, Annie Edison. And I will make damn sure you will never feel alone again.”
She could feel the vibrations through her lips of what he was saying, the sound of his words and feeling of them calming her and comforting her more than anything ever has before.
“Jeff?” She mumbles into his neck, moving so her forehead is leaning against his shoulder, still unable to face him as she asks her follow up question.
“Mhm?” He hums in response.
“Why are you doing this? I mean like you could have driven me home and dropped me off and still would have been a really good friend. You’ve stayed to look after me and let me bare my worst moments to you, and I’m really grateful for it, but I don’t understand it” she whispers.
He pulls her impossibly closer, her legs now either side of his, their chests pressed together and her head still on his shoulder, wanting to feel her heartbeat against his as he tells her.
“Because when I said I’d do anything for you, I really do mean it. One look from you showing me you need me, and I’d crawl through broken glass if that's what it took. And I’m not used to feeling like this- I’ve never felt like this. It terrifies me, and I honestly think what terrifies me most is that I really like feeling this way. I like knowing how much I’d devote myself to you, and I had no idea that I’d ever be capable of understanding why people feel this way, but I get it now..”
He sighs, turning to press his lips to her forehead “I get it because I wanna fucking worship you, Annie, and I don’t care who knows it. But I also know I don’t deserve you”.
She’s speechless.
She feels like she has emotional whiplash, going from reliving one of the worst moments of her life to experiencing possibly one of the best.
“Wait- don’t deserve me? How could you possibly think that? If we’ve learned anything the last 10 minutes, it’s how broken I am” she asks.
“Annie, you are not broken. You’re phenomenal. And honestly, even if you were broken, I’d happily hold all the pieces together until you heal back together again.”
“Jeff-” she whispers in shock, lifting her head and looking into his eyes.
“I’ve been an asshole to you recently. I denied having feelings for you in front of everyone, made you feel like you were crazy when you weren’t. It was plain mean, and it’s inexcusable, Annie, and I can only say I’m sorry and I swear I will make sure to never treat you like that again. I'm so sorry-”.
“I know you are, and I'm sorry too, I shouldn’t have put you on the spot like that either.”
“Don’t apologise, you absolutely should have called me out on it. And if I wasn’t such a coward, I could have faced my feelings and my behaviour. And earlier tonight, Annie, before everything happened-”
He leans his forehead against hers.
“Kissing you was like realising where I was meant to be. Like I belonged there, like-” he struggles for the word.
“Like coming home” she finishes his sentence, with a smile on her face and adoration in her eyes, them both realising they experienced the same feelings in that moment.
Both of them felt like the world around them had slotted into place, that things suddenly made sense.
Both of them had felt the universe become right again.
She leans forward and connects their lips again, grasping his cheek as he holds her to him, kissing her with passion and yet still tenderness, too.
Before he could even think about stopping himself from speaking, he mumbles “I love you” quietly against her lips. Him only knowing she heard him because he can feel her smile against him.
“I love you too” she mumbles into the kiss in return, not disconnecting their lips to speak either, linking her arms behind his neck.
After a few more minutes of their kiss getting deeper, he pulls back.
She opens her eyes, expecting to see regret in his, but he just kisses the tip of her nose lovingly, then places kisses on each of her cheeks.
“Annie, as much as I want you, we shouldn't tonight. It's been a really long night for you, and you should get some rest” he explains before planting a sweet peck on her lips again.
"You're welcome to stay tonight" she tells him as she leans her forehead against his, catching her breath back.
"I wouldn't be anywhere else, not when I could be holding you." He tells her sincerely.
Annie smiles back at him, peppering his face with butterfly kisses and making him giggle.
That’s a sound she never thought she’d get to hear Jeff Winger make, and it’s already her favourite sound in the world.
She pulls back with a smile, and calmly begins undoing his tie and unbuttoning his shirt.
“Uhm?” He hums questioningly.
“You can’t sleep in that, it'll be uncomfortable” she explains lovingly as she finishes unbuttoning his shirt.
Before she goes to undo his belt he stops her hand, “I might need to do that” He blushes. “Get curled up okay? Do you need anything before bed?” He asks getting up, undoing his belt and dropping his jeans to the floor.
She happily openly ogles him knowing he's hers, but is still fine answering, it not having taken over her thought process. “I’ll probably get up to take my makeup off” she replies, getting ready to sit up.
“Leave it to me, milady” he says, lifting his hand to tell her to not get up.
He heads into the bathroom attached to see her makeup wipes sitting on the counter. Pulling one out, he heads back into the room to see her lying under her duvet, looking incredibly cozy in the giant hoodie.
As he walked over to the bed he sits on the edge next to her, taking the makeup wipe and swiping it incredibly tenderly across her skin.
The action itself makes her heart swell, this is a man who cares so much about her he’s taking off her makeup for her at the end of a hard day. A man that loves her. Who has literally seen every awful, broken part of her and still loves her.
Who holds her pieces together for her when she isn’t feeling strong enough to.
She’s so distracted thinking about how cared for she feels, that she doesn’t notice he’s taken off all her makeup.
“There we go, even prettier” he whispers, planting a kiss on her cheek.
“Jeff?” Annie whispers, tearing up, looking at him with such love in her eyes, he doesn’t think anyones ever looked at him like that before.
“Yeah?” He answers at the same minimal volume.
“Just-” she sighs, a single tear spills over the side of her eye. “I really appreciate you” she says, trying to articulate just how much tonight has meant for her.
“Annie, you’ve picked me up from what felt like rock bottom so many times before. I appreciate you just as much, I promise you” he answers, throwing the makeup wipe into the bin by the bathroom door and crawling under her covers with her.
He lies on his back and pulls her tight onto his chest, curled into his side as she presses delicate kisses to his chest, as the arm she's not laying on is lifted to gently move through her hair.
She begins to drift off on his chest, her breathing slowing down.
“Sleep, love. I’ll be here” he whispers.
She smiles sleepily and mumbles back an almost in-understandable “love you” against his skin.
The last thing she hears before she drops into her deep rest is his quiet reply of “love you”.
She doesn’t need anyone else to see who she really is, because Jeff sees her.
He sees who she is, who she has been, but also who she could be.
And she’s never felt safer.
She’s home.