Chapter Text
Language, it must be said, is a tricky business. Words are more finicky than weapons, for if a sword breaks or an arrow goes astray, there are a finite number of places it can conceivably be, whereas a statement that goes off course can reach the most improbable heights. One can spend a full day looking for a lost bolt in a field; one can spend a lifetime and still never quite grasp something said in passing decades ago.
And even more dangerous is when someone has entirely missed a point, but still believes that they have grasped the sword in hand, when in fact, the sword has flown off entirely and it's not a sword at all, it's a bird and it has laid a dozen eggs and now one is stuck up in the tree with it but insists one is still on the ground holding the sword.
It is a preposterous metaphor that went in a completely random direction, but language is like that.
Take a certain Peak Lord, Shen Qingqiu, who has just sat down to tea with justifiable wariness, even as his oldest, dearest friend (whom he barely knows) smiles at him encouragingly and hands him a cup. It does not help his jumpiness that Liu Qingge is sitting near him, gazing at him with an unreadable expression.
“Are you all right?” Yue Qingyuan asks Shen Qingqiu, in a low, soothing voice.
Shen Qingqiu correctly interprets that Yue Qingyuan is referring to the most recent excitement in his life, that of saving Liu Qingge from near-certain insanity and death due to qi deviation. So he can respond, “I'm fine,” and it is clear what he is referring to.
Yue Qingyuan sets down his cup and frowns a little. “Nevertheless,” he says, “please do not put yourself in this situation again. You are still recovering from your own deviation.”
This one is a little more dicey. Shen Qingqiu does say, “Yes, Zhangmen-shixiong,” and he mostly means it, but there is still a caveat of 'unless the System makes me do it and I really don't want to die.' It is left unsaid and in any event, no one currently in the room would understand the meta of it all. But Yue Qingyuan knows Shen Qingqiu and so he assumes that Shen Qingqiu will do what he pleases, no matter what he says. It is untrue that he knows this form of Shen Qingqiu, but if everyone ends up at the same destination, surely the direction they take to get there does not matter.
Alas, this statement will quickly be proven wrong.
For when Yue Qingyuan says in a tone as delicate as the tea set on the table, “I have been informed that you and Liu-shidi have reached an understanding,” the differences between the former Shen Qingqiu and the new one mean that everything has just now jumped the tracks, gone over the cliff, and crashed on the rocks below. Shen Qingqiu, meanwhile, is metaphorically gazing out the window, and wondering why it's a bit warmer in the train.
Because what Shen Qingqiu thinks is this: “Well, Liu Qingge and I do understand each other in that I believe he no longer wants to kill me. So I should reassure Yue Qingyuan that we get along better now because it'll be one less worry on his mind.”
So Shen Qingqiu answers, “Yes,” and thinks nothing more of it.
But what Yue Qingyuan actually means is “Liu Qingge has informed me prior to your arrival that you proposed to him in the caves and he is willing to start the rather intricate courtship ritual that goes on in Cang Qiong, which you are no doubt aware of. I will not ask you this directly because it would insult both your stature as a Peak Lord and your expertise in verbal subtlety. So if you agree to what I have just said, I have no choice but to allow you to do what you want since my guilt will override my misgivings about this.”
It is a lot to pick up from one short statement and Shen Qingqiu is not the master his predecessor was.
He also does not pick up on the change in energy from Liu Qingge, though neither does Yue Qingyuan who looks over at him and asks, “And you are amenable to this as well?”
Liu Qingge does correctly pick up the undertone of “Because Shen Qingqiu has a lot of issues that I have tried and failed to fix and if he's either possessed or has a grudge against you, this is only going to end in tears and even more guilt on my part.”
He frowns for a second, then says, “Yes.”
There is no hidden meaning to it. Liu Qingge prefers swords.
There is one more factor to consider, though one needs to go a bit further back for it to become apparent.
In the majority of timelines, one of two things happen. First, Liu Qingge dies from his qi deviation, whether at the hands of a Shen Qingqiu who cannot save him or from it spiraling out of control, sending his body into an irreversible destruction.
Second, Shen Qingqiu does save him and Liu Qingge regards him with suspicion, perhaps even inconvenient attraction, but never acts upon it, realizing as events go that Shen Qingqiu will always be out of his reach.
This is not that timeline.
Like a flare on the surface of the sun, a large amount of qi bursts from Liu Qingge and strikes Shen Qingqiu when he is trying to calm his meridians. It is not fatal nor does it cause Shen Qingqiu any significant harm but it does sear along his own veins until it reaches deep within, hitting something that in any other individual in this world, save one, does not exist.
It is a surge of power and the former Shen Yuan should have know what happens when a System gets hit with that.
The world goes blue, then black before his eyes and a voice in his head says:
[Warning: System Error. Please contact your local administrator for support.]
“What? I don't—that--” Shen Qingqiu splutters, but thankfully Liu Qingge is too distracted by his near-death experience with his qi going haywire to respond to that.
[Attempting System recovery. Safe reboot activated. Some functions may be offline.]
Shen Qingqiu still cannot see even as a wave of static overwhelms his ears and he instinctively grips Liu Qingge's hands. Liu Qingge, surprised by the usual stand-offish Shen Qingqiu willingly holding onto him, does not resist.
[Shutting down in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...]
He's disoriented and nauseous and he's just given a large amount of qi to Liu Qingge so when the System shuts down entirely, he collapses as a piercing note goes through his head.
Now it is Liu Qingge's turn to fret over Shen Qingqiu, and if Shen Qingqiu were in any kind of awareness, he might be internally yelling “Why does he get to be OOC?”
He isn't, of course. Liu Qingge has many layers, a good majority of which involve fighting, but there are a fair number (thank Airplane-Bro for that) that mean that when someone get into his heart, they will remain there for life.
Shen Qingqiu has reached it in record time.
“Wake up,” Liu Qingge says, checking Shen Qingqiu's pulse, his meridians now erratic as well. “You need to get a hold of yourself.”
Shen Qingqiu does not respond, even as a melodic three notes play in his mind and a new voice says:
[System reboot in progress. Warning: some files may be corrupted and may no longer be accessed. Generating replacements for critical functions.]
Liu Qingge is now circulating his own qi in Shen Qingqiu, trying to calm his body down.
Shen Qingqiu rouses slightly, remembers vaguely what he was trying to do a second ago, and tries to send his own qi right back.
This is his first error, but Shen Qingqiu still has a chance. Dual qi cultivation may be a sign of intimacy and trust in Peak Lords, but both parties involved at the moment are not in full possession of their faculties. Excuses can be made and everyone can overlook this momentary lapse in judgment.
“Liu-shidi,” Shen Qingqiu gently whispers, his eyes fluttering open and staring at the man above him. “You really are very attractive.”
One more error. Shen Qingqiu has just expressed his interest in Liu Qingge. As unfocused and bleary as that interest is, Liu Qingge has now gotten two signs that Shen Qingqiu wishes to engage in courtship.
“Shen Qingqiu,” Liu Qingge says. “Do you--” And here, the martial god of Bai Zhan falters, uncertain in a territory he is not used to stepping foot upon. “Are you asking me--”
“I'm glad you're not dead,” Shen Qingqiu says dreamily. “I couldn't imagine losing you.”
And here language comes roaring back to mess everything up. Shen Qingqiu is talking about failing the System, about losing points, and as a reader, about missing out on a quality character that Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky clearly had no idea what to do with.
(There's also a little bit about Liu Qingge not existing in his life, because Shen Qingqiu is not unaffected by the lovely, grumpy man, but Shen Qingqiu is equally terrible at recognizing his emotions as he is at hidden verbal cues and this is not the time for him to make any sort of revelation.)
But Liu Qingge sees it as Shen Qingqiu saying, “I have clearly changed since my own qi deviation, I may be possessed or slightly out of my mind, but I am stating that I want us to be partners and all that entails.”
“Fine,” Liu Qingge says. “I accept.”
It's a fatal error, no recovery.
[System fully rebooted. New mission parameters established.]
One week later, when it is quiet and dawn is just starting to break, Shen Qingqiu opens his door and then shuts it, just as quickly, before he shrieks and brings all of Qing Jing to his door.
Inside, he composes himself because he is a noble Peak Lord who is cool and refined and there is the head of something four-horned and terrible looking just sitting outside his door.
He deeply contemplates going right back to seclusion. Given the shape of the narrative and his suspicion about his lacking cultivation, he should still be there but for some reason, Liu Qingge had dragged him out of the cave with him. Then Yue Qingyuan gently suggested that perhaps given his new understanding, he might want to wait until certain events were over.
The System remained silent, as it had ever since the cave.
“Right,” he says and goes back to bed. “Maybe it won't be there when I wake up.”
A few hours later, the sun is high in the sky and there is still something bloody on his doorstep. It gazes balefully at him, though it is still most definitely dead.
He steps over it, and goes about the rest of his day.
“Shizun,” Ming Fan says, “why is there an Aoyin on your doorstep?”
Shen Qingqiu raises his eyes from his paperwork. “Hmm,” he says. “Oh, that's right.” He waves his hand casually. “Someone must have left it there.”
Ming Fan looks deeply impressed. “That's quite a gift, Shizun,” he says. “It takes a lot of work to kill one.”
Shen Qingqiu racks his brain for what he remembers of it. Deadly claws, very angry, eats human as its primary diet. Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky, whatever his numerous writing faults, always had impressive monsters.
“I suppose it does,” he says indifferently. “Would you mind taking care of it?” Part of him wants to ask the protagonist, given that he'll encounter one several hundred chapters from now and slay it in order to save yet another fair maiden, but it's still too early in the story for him to spring a mythic creature on the boy.
No doubt, he'd just assume Shizun was giving him another test he'd expect him to fail.
And in any event, Ming Fan looks positively delighted. “I would be honored to, Shizun,” he says. “Such a gift should definitely be taken good care of.”
He practically runs out the door and a few seconds later, Shen Qingqiu hears a few thuds and grunts.
A gift, Shen Qingqiu thinks. Who on Earth--
And immediately the name springs into mind.
Well, perhaps Liu Qingge wanted to thank him for saving his life in the cave. It's a gruesome gift, to be sure, but maybe that's the tradition of Bai Zhan.
He would have preferred some nice tea or maybe a new fan.
“Thank you,” Shen Qingqiu says.
Liu Qingge looks up. For some reason, he's accompanied Shen Qingqiu back to Qing Jing after Yue Qingyuan's latest invitation to tea. Shen Qingqiu doesn't know why both he and Liu-shidi keep having these meetings, considering Liu Qingge barely talks at all during them, leaving Shen Qingqiu to awkwardly try to rack his brain for safe, non-traumatic past topics.
“Mmm.” Liu Qingge inclines his head.
“It was quite something,” Shen Qingqiu adds and oh, what is the right protocol for thanking someone for dropping a severed head on your doorstep? “It must have been very difficult.”
“Yes,” Liu Qingge says. “It was.” He looks almost expectantly at Shen Qingqiu, who panics.
Shit, he thinks. What is he supposed to say next? Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky never really went into the exact details of how Cang Qiong worked, since it was more of a typical plot point for the protagonist. Get bullied, get strong, have some chemistry with key harem members, then destroy it all and rule the world.
Hospitality and etiquette, not so much covered in the text.
Okay, so then he's going to have to use his own experience. Shen Qingqiu takes a deep breath. He needs to repay Liu Qingge.
And that's the big problem, because Shen Qingqiu can't exactly go out and slay an Aoyin or its equivalent on his own. He might have some immunity until the Abyss, but then again, with the System being silent, who's to say that it might have just thrown up its hands and let Shen Qingqiu figure out his demise on his own?
Okay, so monster-hunting is out of the equation. But he needs to think of something and soon, because it's already been a week and he's probably broken at least several Peak rules about not returning courtesies. Original Shen Qingqiu could probably brazen it out, saying something like “Naturally, you'd repay my gift of saving your life.”
This Shen Qingqiu is painfully aware it's probably more of a mutual thing and Liu Qingge is now owed a debt.
There's a cool touch to his face, then another.
Shen Qingqiu is roused out of his circular thoughts by a few droplets splashing on him.
It's raining, he thinks dumbly. Something else he didn't plan for.
“You'd better hurry home, Liu-shidi,” Shen Qingqiu says. “Ah, this is so unexpected. I won't keep you--”
An arm reaches above his head and Shen Qingqiu blinks in surprise. Liu Qingge's arm is blocking the rain. It can't be comfortable for him, and Shen Qingqiu opens his mouth to protest.
“I will escort you to your house,” Liu Qingge says solemnly, leaving Shen Qingqiu to gape like a fish.
The rain worsens, but Liu Qingge does not move his arm, keeping at the same pace as Shen Qingqiu. At one point, Shen Qingqiu trips, and Liu Qingge's other arm reaches out to steady him, warmth grasping him firmly.
He looks at Liu Qingge, whose hair is loose, falling down. It's wet, wild around his face, but he doesn't seem or care to notice, keeping his arm fixed over Shen Qingqiu.
“Liu-shidi,” Shen Qingqiu murmurs. “You seem to have lost something.”
Liu Qingge says nothing, just releases his grip.
They reach Shen Qingqiu's house and Liu Qingge waits until Shen Qingqiu is standing in his doorway. They're both wet, but Liu Qingge is almost sopping, his hair still a mess, and Shen Qingqiu feels a pang of guilt.
“You can wait for a little bit until the storm clears,” Shen Qingqiu says, and if he's being OOC, well, he'll blame it on the weather and bad memories. “I can have one of my disciples--”
“No need,” Liu Qingge says. “I will take my leave.”
But your—and here, Shen Qingqiu has a flash of inspiration. “Just wait, Liu-shidi,” and he tries to move as quickly as one can, when one is burdened with both sodden robes and a reputation for dignity and self-possession.
Inside his bedroom, he spots it almost immediately. It's a shame, he thinks a little wistfully, since he just received this commission, but it's definitely valuable and it would like nice on Liu Qingge, whose still deeply unfair beauty would set it off far better than Shen Qingqiu.
He goes back to Liu Qingge, who has not fled. Perhaps he thinks Shen Qingqiu is about to have another deviation and wants to be on hand.
“Liu-shidi,” Shen Qingqiu says, and holds out his hand. “I know it's not as impressive, but I wanted to give you this.” The hairpin in it sparkles, white jade and iridescent blue feathers. It's a lovely piece of work.
“You don't have to,” Liu Qingge says, looking away. “I didn't—”
“Please, Liu-shidi,” Shen Qingqiu says. “I would like you to accept this.”
Liu Qingge turns back to Shen Qingqiu, and his hand takes it out of Shen Qingqiu's palm. There's a momentary brush of fingers that send something tingling down Shen Qingqiu's spine. Liu Qingge must feel the same charge too because he jerks back, like he's been shocked.
“I should go,” Liu Qingge says, and he's out of the door so fast Shen Qingqiu can't even offer to assist him. Really, all he would have done was dried it a little, combed out the tangles, and then helped Liu Qingge put his hair up. It's hardly something to make someone run
Well, at least, he returned the gift and now everything should go back on track.
Shen Qingqiu is not asked to attend the next Peak Lord meeting, though he has no complaints about it, given that he is unaware of it in the first place.
Instead, Yue Qingyuan ensures that Shen Qingqiu is busy with his disciples. It is both endearing and somewhat alarming how the former icy Peak Lord has seemingly melted, giving his students solid support and advice.
“Are we sure he's not possessed?” Qi Qingqi asks, her eyes narrowed. “I'm not saying it wouldn't be a nice change, but if there is a demon on the loose in Cang Qiong...”
Wei Qingwei sighs. ”Hong Jing indicates no. He's walked by it three times and he's even pulled it out, and nothing happened. Whatever happened to him, it's not demonic.”
“It is possible,” Mu Qingfan theorizes, “that Shen-shixiong's deviation not only led to his lack of memory, but that by losing these memories, it reshaped his personality. It would not be completely unreasonable that his new self may even be refusing to recover his old self. Call it a rebirth, if you will.”
The rest of the Peak Lords breathe a sigh of relief. Possession is one thing, but if Shen Qingqiu has simply decided to shed his past like a snake and its skin, then should they not rejoice? Celebrate? And on that note--
“Then I see no reason why we shouldn't proceed,” Yue Qingyuan says. “If Shen Qingqiu wishes Liu Qingge to court him, I shall approve it.”
Agreeing murmurs spread around the room. Two Peak Lords choosing to unite themselves can only be beneficial and if one of them is Shen Qingqiu, who legendarily wants nothing to do with anyone, well, they're not going to question their good fortune.
“Well, we must select proxies for both of them,” Yue Qingyuan continues. “I understand that Liu Qingge has asked Wei Qingwei to assist him in this matter.”
“I have accepted,” Wei Qingwei says. ”If there is no objection--”
No one speaks up.
“Approved then.” Yue Qingyuan frowns. “I do understand, however, that Shen Qingqiu has not come forward to anyone here.”
The silence this time is deeply awkward. Cool, proud Shen Qingqiu asking them for assistance? No one can fathom the idea.
One by one, almost all the Peak Lords turn to look at Yue Qingyuan, save Shang Qinghua, who looks deep in thought, as if something has just occurred to him.
“It must be one of us,” Yue Qingyuan says gently, “but as I have to mediate any disagreements between the proxies, it cannot be me.”
It as if he is asking someone to fall on their sword, Yue Qingyuan thinks. He knows that Shen Qingqiu has made more enemies than friends, but to have no one volunteer to do this task?
He will have to appoint someone, he thinks with some regret. Who would be the best choice for Shen Qingqiu? Mu Qingfan, who has some knowledge of what Qingqiu has been through? Or perhaps Qi Qingqi since Liu Mingyan would naturally wish to be involved? Surely not--
“I'll do it,” Shang Qinghua says loudly, jumping up in his seat like something just poked him. “I mean,” he stammers, “I think I'd be the best choice and I'm definitely doing this because I want to.”
Yue Qingyuan blinks. “All right,” he says, trying to hide his surprise. He's not going to question why Shang Qinghua feels the need to jump into this particular fire. “Then if there are no objections?”
There are none.
The hairpin was a great choice.
Or no, wait, it was the worst choice because it shines in the sunlight as it adorns Liu Qingge's hair and up close, he's just so--
“I don't see why we had to take one sword,” Shen Qingqiu complains, the wind whipping past them. “We could have both taken them.”
Liu Qingge just gives him a Look. “Do you remember what happened the last time?”
“That was not my fault,” Shen Qingqiu protests. How was he supposed to guess that if you hear a baby crying, oh, it's not a baby at all, it's a gigantic bird that wants to eat you?
Or that Liu Qingge would just happen to be nearby and it was blood and screams and Shen Qingqiu being carried in Liu Qingge's arms, while half of Qing Jing wailed at the sight.
“I'm sorry,” Liu Qingge said, not to Shen Qingqiu, but to Yue Qingyuan, who nodded gravely while Shen Qingqiu was thinking, wait, why the fuck are you apologizing to him?
“It worked out,” Shen Qingqiu says grumpily. “And I won't make that mistake again.”
Rather than pointing out that Shen Qingqiu will probably just make a whole new mistake, Liu Qingge actually looks... uncertain? “Do you want to go back?”
Shen Qingqiu pauses. It's not like it's unpleasant being in Liu Qingge's arms, whether he's unconscious and bleeding, or being held tight against him, feeling the strength of his arms, his muscles pressed against him and why is someone so pretty so ripped?
Focus, Shen Qingqiu. Focus. You were going to make a point about--
Screw it.
“No, I don't,” he says, licking his lips. “I just don't want you to be beholden to me. I didn't save your life for any kind of gain or favor.”
“I know,” Liu Qingge says softly, so quiet that Shen Qingqiu almost misses it over the roar of the wind. “That's not you.”
“Oh, good.” Shen Qingqiu looks down, sees the target spot in the distance. “Right here, I think,” he says, pointing.
Liu Qingge sets them down carefully. It's one of the nicer locations Shen Qingqiu has seen – flowering trees, soft pale green grass, a crystalline lake.
“I should take the disciples sometime,” Shen Qingqiu says absently. “As a reward.”
Liu Qingge frowns. “Have you forgotten about why we're here?”
Shen Qingqiu waves his hand. “Well, obviously not now,” he says. “But when we've made it safe, it would be a nice spot for a picnic.”
He thinks he hears a sigh, but when he looks at Liu Qingge, the man's face is blank. “Only you,” he says calmly, “would associate a place where five people have gone missing as a good excursion.”
“You don't think so, Liu-shidi?” Shen Qingqiu feels the need to tease him a little, to break the stolid mold of his face. “I think it's romantic.”
There's a crack in the mold. Liu Qingge turns his face. “That's—foolish” he mutters.
Shen Qingqiu prepares to tease him a little more, to really see the flush on his neck, but then the giant blue-back ox comes barreling through the trees, and yes, he guesses Liu Qingge might have a point.
Especially when Liu Qingge has to carry him back again, although at least this time it was only his ankle and an unfortunately placed rock.
Several days after the ride, Shen Qingqiu opens his door to find a sword on it instead.
It is a step up from a head, he has to admit, but he still has no idea what it means. It's not even a particularly impressive sword, just a simple jian in a scabbard clearly meant to hold two of them.
Who even gives half a gift?
“System?” he asks, hoping to get an answer, but of course, when you want actual information, he thinks, it's nowhere to be found.
At least this time he knows perfectly well who dropped it off. Only Liu Qingge would consider something meant to sever and rend to be a suitable gift.
“Fine,” Shen Qingqiu says, picking up the sword gingerly and taking it into his house. “But the next time I see Liu Qingge, I want some answers.”
Of course, the problem now is that he can't seem to see Liu Qingge.
Oh, he can see him from a distance, training and fighting, and it is a sign of the shamelessness of this world that a man so gorgeous should be utterly ruthless at taking anyone who challenges him down.
“Seriously,” Shen Qingqiu mutters, “It's almost inhuman.”
Luo Binghe jolts a little, and Shen Qingqiu fights the urge to pat him on the head. “Nothing.” Shen Qingqiu smile. “This teacher was just thinking of something else.”
Luo Binghe nods solemnly. “Yes, Shizun,” he says. He looks over at Liu Qingge, then back at Shen Qingqiu. “Was it Liu-shishu?”
Now it's Shen Qingqiu's turn to flinch. “No,” he says, knowing it's deeply unconvincing from the way Luo Binghe eyes him. He relents. “Well, yes,” he says. “Have you noticed Liu-shidi visiting us lately?”
Luo Binghe frowns and thinks about it. “No, Shizun,” he says eventually. “But I have seen a few of his disciples come by.”
“Hmm,” Shen Qingqiu says, and lets Luo Binghe run off to a waiting Ning Yingying. He's got his own issues to worry about it.
Like how Liu Qingge is clearly avoiding him.
Because while he can admire him from a distance, as soon as he gets up close--
“Sorry, Shen-shibo,” one of Liu Qingge's disciples says politely. “But it wouldn't be proper.”
“But I just saw him not too long ago,” Shen Qingqiu protests. Okay, a couple of weeks, but it's not like they parted on bad terms, considering that Liu Qingge carried him all the way back to his house. Granted, the man fled immediately after, but still--
“We know, Shen-shibo,” the disciple says. Her face is far more expressive than her teacher's, though the apologetic smile and the sparkle in her eyes seem incongruous to the situation at hand. “Just be patient. He's trying to do this right.”
Shen Qingqiu shrugs off the oddity of her words because he can see Liu Qingge just a few hundred feet away. All he would have to do is--
Liu Qingge catches his eye and is he glaring at Shen Qingqiu? His eyes stare intently before he turns away and his very muscular back is all Shen Qingqiu can see.
Another disciple winks and leans forward to whisper conspiratorially, “If it's any consolation, we think that's why he's fighting so much.”
The first disciple elbows him and they run off. Shen Qingqiu swears he hears laughing.
Right, he thinks. Clearly, all of Bai Zhan Peak has gone mad without the help of a qi deviation.
Well, at least it's just them.
He doesn't see Liu Qingge or his disciples after that.
Oh, Shen Qingqiu does run into some from other peaks, who seem to have picked up the same fit of giggles every time they see him.
Every time, he goes back to his house and thinks, am I doing this wrong? Is there some detail I'm missing from this terrible novel that means I'm committing some deep faux pas that I should know about, but don't, because apparently the System has decided to take a vacation?
He's grateful to be given this much freedom, but he never knew how paralyzing it could be. Each day, he spends it wondering if this is the choice he makes that dooms him or if something will suddenly come online and announce that he's messed up the plot so thoroughly that there's no saving him.
Each day that goes without communication, without him knowing what is going on and what he's getting wrong make him jumpier, twitchier. Even his students have taken to giving him a wide berth.
There's a knock at his door and he jumps.
He half expects to see another head on his doorstep, but instead, it's Shang Qinghua, blinking nervously at him.
“Shang-shidi,” he says, inclining his head. “What brings you here?”
Shang Qinghua's smile is shaky, as is his voice when he says, “Well, I think we need to talk.”
Shen Qingqiu can't think of anything that Shang Qinghua would need to address with him, but curiosity has always been his downfall, so he opens the door and lets him in.
He sits across from Shang Qinghua, pours a cup of tea which Shang Qinghua accepts, and finds himself grateful that he did not use his favorite tea set when Shang Qinghua sets down his cup and says, “So, uh, you transmigrated too.”
What?
What!
You have got to be fucking kidding him, Shen Qingqiu thinks.
“Right,” he says through clenched teeth. “I would very much like to hear this story.”
“You utter asshole,” Shen Qingqiu says, seething with rage. “Do you know how much I've suffered because of you?”
It was cute that Shang Qinghua thought for a second after he dropped the transmigration bombshell that Shen Qingqiu wouldn't immediately figure out who 'Shang Qinghua' really is, but really, once he did the math and realized that the man in question was vaguely terrified of him, the answer became obvious.
Shang Qinghua looks around the bamboo house, at the fine trappings, then at the very attractive body that Shen Qingqiu is currently inhabiting and shrugs. “Yeah,” he says. “I can see you're really suffering here.”
“Oh, shut up.” Shen Qingqiu flips open his fan, both to cool himself off and to try to get his face back to its cool implacability. “You do know I'm destined for a painful death, right? You're the one who wrote all about it.”
“Dude,” Shang Qinghua protests. “It was just a book.”
“That we're currently living in.”
“Well, it's not like I could have foreseen that,” Shang Qinghua points out and it's irritatingly logical, so it pisses Shen Qingqiu off more. “And besides, it seems like everything's changed anyhow.”
“What do you mean?” Shen Qingqiu asks, his eyes staring intently on Shang Qinghua, who squirms under their focus.
“It's just--” Shang Qinghua stops. “Look, has the System told you anything lately?”
“No,” Shen Qingqiu admits. “It went silent on me some time ago.”
“Me too,” Shang Qinghua says. He straightens up, clearly steeling himself up to say something that Shen Qingqiu guesses he'll hate. “Around the time in the cave, it crashed on me too.”
“And?” Shen Qingqiu prompts when Shang Qinghua falls silent. He can see there's more that Shang Qinghua wants to say, and for a writer to be at a loss for words...
“And it just gave me a new mission two weeks ago,” Shang Qinghua says. “To be your wingman.”
“My--” Shen Qingqiu now finds himself unable to say anything. “What?”
“Yeah,” Shang Qinghua says. “I mean, it's cool that it doesn't involve infiltrating a demonic general's camp or something equally stupid and dangerous, but seriously, I think this is like the hardest thing I've ever had to do.”
Shen Qingqiu's still stuck on the whole “wingman” thing. “What, to like get me a date?” It seems absurd that the plot would have shifted from “make sure the protagonist becomes the most OP demon emperor of all time” to “dating simulator” but this is Airplane-Bro's world, and to be fair, the harem did read a lot like that in the second half. “I don't think you need to help me out on that front.”
Left unsaid, but deeply implied is “Because of the two of us, I'm the one that gets what real relationships are about, or did someone forget all the sex pollen chapters? Also, did I mention that I still blame you for all of this and the last person I want to work with is you? Let me emphasize that again.”
Shen Qingqiu has gotten much better at his words, though his interpretation is still sorely lacking.
Shang Qinghua snorts. “You'd think that, but Wei Qingwei and I have a running bet going on who's going to cave first and admit they have no idea what they're doing. I got ahead a few points right away with that whole head thing, because who would have guessed that Liu Qingge would have thought that spelled 'excellent first courting gift.”
Shen Qingqiu's brain seizes up. He goes pale, feels nausea welling in his stomach. No—no, that can't be what this is all about?
Shang Qinghua looks at him, his own face dropping the smile that had been growing on it. “Wait, you didn't know.”
Shen Qingqiu just stares at him.
“Oh, shit, you didn't know,” Shang Qinghua whispers. “Dude, you asked him to marry you.”
He finally finds his voice. “No, I couldn't have,” Shen Qingqiu's voice cracks. “I never said--”
“Back in the cave,” Shang Qinghua answers, equally quiet, all mirth gone. “Wei Qingwei said that Liu Qingge told him that you dual qi-channeled with him.
“Yes.”
“And then you told him you admired him.”
Shen Qingqiu can't remember that part, but oh, shit, he probably did. “Fuck.”
“And then you told him you never wanted to lose him and when you went to see Yue Qingyuan, you agreed that you two had reached an understanding and wanted to become official partners.”
“I thought he was just asking if we had made up and neither one of us wanted the other one dead,” Shen Qingqiu practically wails.
“And you didn't think that accepting gifts from Liu Qingge and giving him one back and going on a nice long sword ride to the place where my protagonist took Ning Yingying on an anniversary date was any kind of tip-off?”
Shen Qingqiu's mouth snaps shut as it all sinks in. He is finally looking at the wreckage all around him. The fire is burning bright, and the cliff is a long way up.
“Dude, you are so fucked,” Shang Qinghua says.
Shang Qinghua leaves his house an hour later, after Shen Qingqiu has calmed down from hysterical self-recriminations to quiet, resigned acceptance of how badly he has fucked up.
“Look,” Shang Qinghua says as he turns to go. “Just tell him the truth. He's not going to kill you.”
Shen Qingqiu gives him a look.
“No, really,” Shang Qinghua insists. “He may be like a martial god, but he's a big softy at heart. I should know, I wrote him that way.”
Sure, Shen Qingqiu thinks dully. You may have created a world where people get their limbs chopped off, but I managed to one-up you by ripping out someone's heart.
He lets Shang Qinghua go, because this is his mess and only he can clean it up.
The problem is that he doesn't really want to.
He likes Liu Qingge. A lot.
He likes his awkward bluntness, his protectiveness that manifests as making sure everyone around him can take care of themselves and each other. He likes Liu Qingge's occasional terrible jokes, his softness when he thinks no one's watching.
Most of all, he just likes Liu Qingge.
He's not sure if it's love. Shen Yuan had never been sure of what that was, given how much he holed himself up in his room, reading terrible novels and bitching about them online. Not exactly a lot of experience in that world.
But he also knows that Shen Qingqiu, the past one, at least knew enough to know when he was going to hurt someone.
And this one is no different.
He quietly gets up, takes Xiu Ya in hand.
He's got someone he needs to talk to.
The ride to Bai Zhan is swift. Now that he knows everything, the ride there feels like a mockery of the one he shared with Liu Qingge. He's alone, he's shaking, and there's an abyss in him that he's just willing fallen into, but no one is coming out of this one.
Fuck. Shen Qingqiu wants to scream it, but no use ruining everyone's night.
He lands and already he can see a couple of disciples running towards him.
“Shen-shibo,” one of the disciples begins to say.
“No,” Shen Qingqiu says. “I need to talk to Liu Qingge right now.”
“It's not--”
The disciple stops at the look in Shen Qingqiu's eyes. “I'll get him,” she says quietly and rushes off.
It's a cool night. Shen Qingqiu shivers a little in the breeze.
It's not long before the disciple returns with Liu Qingge in tow. His already frowning face turns darker when he sees Shen Qingqiu shaking slightly in the chill.
“You didn't even put on another robe,” he chides.
It's kind of adorable, Shen Qingqiu thinks wistfully. He's really going to miss that.
Liu Qingge takes off one of his robes, wraps it around Shen Qingqiu, who blinks up at him.
In the moonlight, they're framed perfectly, gleaming and beautiful and from behind them, someone sighs.
“If you really all have this much energy to stay awake,” Liu Qingge barks, “I'm sure you wouldn't mind doing twenty laps.” He glares at all of his disciples.
“We're going to bed now, Shizun,” one of them stammers and then they all run off.
“You're not going to make them do laps at this hour,” Shen Qingqiu says quietly.
“If I see them hanging around, I will.”
Shen Qingqiu laughs and now, now, he can see that Liu Qingge almost smiles too, a softness to the corner of his lips. He really is a lovely man in all senses, Shen Qingqiu thinks.
But... but...
“Liu-shidi,” Shen Qingqiu begins to say, and knows the next words will destroy that. “We need to talk.”
Shen Qingqiu tries not to worry his students.
He's not very successful.
“I just finished raking up the yard,” Ming Fan says. “I can do something else?”
“It's fine.” His voice comes out tired, thin.
“I can make you something,” Luo Binghe is bouncing with nervous energy, his face scrunched with worry. “Anything you want.”
“I'm not hungry,” Shen Qingqiu say, turning his back and preparing to go back to sleep.
He can feel the glance exchanged behind his back. “Well, we'll be back, Shizun,” Ming Fan says. “Luo Binghe will cook you congee in the morning.”
“I'll see you then, Shizun.” The door closes and he's by himself.
When did those two bond? Shen Qingqiu wonders, but any curiosity drifts away as the dark current in his mind takes him under again.
“Sorry, Shang-shishu, I don't think he's going to be able to give you that report today,” Ning Yingying says. He can hear her distant, apologetic voice from his room. Shen Qingqiu can rouse himself on occasion to eat, to bathe, to do basic tasks, but just that tires him out most days and he finds himself returning to his darkened room.
“Can I see him?” Shang Qinghua's voice actually sounds concerned, which almost makes Shen Qingqiu want to laugh and never stop. He failed his mission and he's still walking around, still breathing and probably none the worse for wear.
Shang Qinghua should have no reason to worry.
Beside, it's his fault, Shen Qingqiu thinks. If he hadn't told me, if I hadn't known--
I wouldn't have--
I would have--
“Go to hell, Shen Qingqiu,” he whispers to himself and he waits until he's certain Shang Qinghua has left to to let out a sobbing breath.
Only one Peak Lord actually manages to gain entrance.
“There's nothing I can do to fix this,” Mu Qingfan says softly. “I could give you a tonic to calm your nerves or a drug to temporarily keep you under, but it won't solve the underlying problem.”
“Right,” Shen Qingqiu says dully. “Well, you can go tell Zhangmen-shixiong that I'm not dying or ill and I'm not going to deviate again.”
“I'll inform him but he would like to see you if that's all right,” Mu Qingfan says. “I think--”
“Tell him Shen Qingqiu will live,” he interrupts. “I'm not going to add to his guilt.”
In that moment, the resigned bitterness in his voice makes him sound like the Shen Qingqiu of old, and Mu Qingfan wonders, is his memory back? If so, a relapse back into his previous state is a serious concern
Not because Mu Qingfan hated the old Shen Qingqiu, it was just...
He was so unhappy.
Shen Qingqiu drifts off again.
“Hello, Shen-shibo,” he hears a soft female voice say. Shen Qingqiu has no concept anymore of how much time has passed. He thinks he's heard this voice once or twice, but--
“My brother's worried about you,” she says. “He's not talking to anyone, but it's obvious that he cares deeply for you. He never stopped.”
Liu Mingyan. As if it couldn't get any worse.
Shen Qingqiu doesn't open his eyes. “Then you can tell him to stop,” he says. He's long past the point of formalities, past courtesies and etiquette and blundering his way through it because he doesn't know half the shit he's supposed to. “I'm the one who took advantage of the situation. None of it is on him.”
“I would,” she says softly, “if I thought you actually meant any of this. But you look like how I know my brother feels and I think it's pretty clear that however you got into this, you both meant it.”
Shen Qingqiu doesn't know her. She doesn't know him. “Please go,” he says.
He can hear the rustling as she rises from the chair near his bed. “Just remember,” she murmurs, and if the words are softly delivered, they still break hard against him, “that my brother doesn't stay with people out of obligation or guilt.”
“He does it because he wants to be with them.”
The current returns after she leaves, but this time, there's something to cling onto.
Something real.
There's a knock at his door.
Shen Qingqiu has finally dragged himself out of bed and briefly washed up this morning. He can't remember what he dreamt of the night before, but it seems as if he's lighter today. Maybe it's the weather, the light streaming through the curtains he finally opened.
Baby steps, he thinks. I'll make some tea, maybe see if--
A second knock.
Or I could get the door, he thinks with a sudden burst of giddiness. It could be one of my disciples, maybe even Luo Binghe and yeah, there's a story I'm supposed to be following.
I can do that. I can make other people happy.
He opens the door.
There is something small and white on his doorstep.
He bends down and it moves under his hand, nuzzles him. A little white fox, its eyes innocent and sweet look up at him.
He feels Liu Qingge before he sees him, a presence lingering to the side of the door.
“It's supposed to help with unhappiness,” Liu Qingge says. His eyes look Shen Qingqiu up and down.
Shen Qingqiu fights the urge to run back inside and lock the door. He must look terrible, still pale and shaky, his robes all disheveled, his hair still down and loose. He can't imagine what Liu Qingge would find remotely attractive in his current state.
“Oh.” Shen Qingqiu picks it up, let its warmth nestle in his arms. “It's really soft,” he says wonderingly. Even holding it makes him smile just a little bit and--
Liu Qingge is smiling back, a soft one that reaches all the way to his eyes. He looks pleased.
“I'm sorry,” Shen Qingqiu says. “I--”
He stops, swallows. He doesn't know what to say, how to tell someone I might not have known what I was doing, but maybe I did, because I really liked dating you and okay, maybe marriage was a little bit faster than I intended but it wouldn't have been terrible.
It might have been really nice.
“Right,” Liu Qingge says, and Shen Qingqiu guiltily startles, realizing he's just been staring into Liu Qingge's eyes this entire time. “Do you accept it?”
“Uh,” Shen Qingqiu kind of flounders. “I mean--”
“I'm courting you,” Liu Qingge said. “I'd like this to be my first gift. I would like to continue courting you for whatever time you wish and if you find it agreeable, I would not be opposed to marriage. But for now, I am asking you if you want to be with me.”
Liu Qingge prefers swords to words. But when everything is on the line, he can wield the shit out of both.
Shen Qingqiu carefully sets the fox down on the grass, where it promptly dozes off. He gets close to Liu Qingge, who may be a little bit thinner than before, have some strain at the corners of his eyes.
He grasps Liu Qingge's hand, which trembles just a little in his touch.
“Yes,” Shen Qingqiu says. He means every word.