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To say Douxie is panicking would be an understatement.
One might think that, after all these years, he might have a better handle on keeping cool, calm, and collected in tense situations, but alas, he does not. Especially not when it comes to his friends.
Especially not when it comes to Krel.
So, when he got a garbled and barely legible text message from the Akiridion, with the only readable words being ‘attack’ and ‘help’, he ran from his barely-an-apartment without a second thought, sprinting through the streets of Arcadia in basically his pajamas, lacking shoes, house keys, and Archie. He’s just thankful his barely-an-apartment isn’t that far from the location.
“I thought my running days were over!” he hears Toby cry out.
He cuts between two buildings just in time to come upon a large, glowing orange creature hurl a double-ended hammer at the group with a loud, “I will crush you!”
“Clipeatusa!”
Before Aja can even finish putting up her serrator-shield, Douxie’s ward surrounds the group, reflecting the hammer at a high, sharp angle, and sending it spinning far into the night. The extraterrestrial holds out its hand in an obvious gesture to resummon his weapon, but Douxie figures with the force it shot off with, he’s bought at least a little time.
“What was that!?” Eli cries out.
“Your backup!” Douxie responds, already thinking of all the possible spells he could use here.
“Douxie!” Krel calls out.
“Douxie!?” Eli calls out.
“We fighting or running? Because if it’s the latter, we should get a move on before that hammer comes back!”
“Fight!” Toby says at the same time the rest of them say, “Run!”
“You’ve been outvoted Toby, go!” Douxie says, the whooshing sound of air displacement by a large, spinning object drawing nearer, signaling the end of the time he bought.
“It’s hammer time!”
“Quick, behind Stuart Electronics!” Aja says, and the group files in quickly, Douxie bringing up the rear and locking in a shield charm.
On the other side, Douxie reflects the hammer once more, and the muscles in his arms strain and groan from the effort. The shield charm may deflect things, but there’s still momentum and mass. He could shield against those as well, but that would be two more spells on top of this or an incredibly draining and complex shield spell, and he doesn’t feel like passing out in an alley right now.
The creature goes after his hammer that was ricocheted in the opposite direction, which gives them enough time to put some distance between them.
They make a break for it through the forest and come upon the Tarron’s house – connected to a very large ship.
He knew the mothership was large, but actually seeing it from the outside is a whole different matter.
“There’s a spaceship growing out of your house? You have a space house?” Toby gasps.
“Shh,” Aja insists, “The bounty hunter could have followed us.”
“Also, our ‘spaceship’ prefers to be called Mother,” Krel adds.
“Let’s hope she knows how to stop whatever that lifeform was,” Aja says.
They sneak around to roughly where the front entrance is.
“How’re we going to get up there?” Eli asks, but he doesn’t get to finish his question before Aja parkours between the trees and flips through the open door, disappearing from sight.
“Go ahead Krel, I can help these guys,” Douxie says, and Krel nods, following the same path that Aja took.
“How’re you gonna help us?” Steve asks.
“Sina pondera facti,” Douxie says, pointing at them. They are briefly outlined in blue, a rune appearing above their heads, and then, they return to normal. “Now, everybody hold hands and pretend you like each other.”
“Wait, what did you do to us?” Steve asks.
“Hold hands?” Eli asks.
“Just do it.”
The three boys do so, and Douxie puts himself between Toby and Steve, and Steve has Eli on his other side.
“Now, don’t let go until I’ve let go.”
“What happens if we do let go?” Toby asks.
“You’ll get flung into the stratosphere.”
“What!?” Toby and Eli cry out in shock, and Steve says in confusion.
“Hold on tight! Salira altum sea!”
With that, Douxie jumps. The other teens scream, their grips almost bruising, as they are sent flying high through the air, rocketing far up past the house, and above the tree line, but only very briefly, before sharply plummeting.
“This is gonna hurt!” he calls out, and since he can’t exactly call up the spell on his bracelet, he just opts for shouting, “Tarda descensus!”
They hit the blue barrier that forms in front of them about 10 feet from the step of the house, and then Douxie lets it go, along with the spell he placed on the others. They each fall the rest of the way, landing painfully, but successfully.
“What the ever-loving flip was that?” Steve wheezes from where he lays.
“A weightlessness spell, a jumping spell, then an anti-gravity spell. Or a fall-slowing spell, depending on how you wish to look at it.”
“So … how would we have been sent into the stratosphere if we let go?” Toby asks.
“Well, according to Newton’s First Law of Motion, an object in motion remains in motion at a constant speed and in a straight line unless acted on by an unbalanced force. Now, think of the force equation, F = ma, force equals mass multiplied by acceleration. Via my spell, your mass aka variable ‘m’ was magically counteracted and reduced to as close to zero as I could get, and then variable ‘a’, acceleration, is gravity. The ‘a’ multiplied by my ‘m’ was enough up-force to counter gravity's down-force. At the height of our arc, our velocity, as provided by my spell. had decayed enough that the up-force became less than the down-force, or gravity. But see, your ‘m’ was much less than mine and we had the same ‘a’, which is negative since it’s gravity, and so you had a greater up-force. That means it would have taken a lot longer for the down-force to negate and overcome your up-force. You would eventually come down, but it would have taken a long time.”
“What in the actual fuck?” Toby says.
"Was that English?" Steve asks.
He turns to go inside and sees Krel standing at the door, a dreamy look on his face.
“Why does Krel look like that?” Eli asks as he helps Steve to his feet.
“That is a look born of a mix of appreciation and adoration,” Douxie says, and Krel blushes, a human aspect born from his transduction that has bled into his Akiridion form, and an aspect that Douxie quite likes has bled over.
“Huh?” Toby asks, and Eli gives him an equally confused look. Steve just goes to Aja, who calls out to them, "Guys, let's get down to Mother before the bounty hunter comes looking for us!"
When they get down to command central, Eli and Toby immediately go running in and start examining everything like kids in a candy shop, shouting about how cool everything is.
“Is it cool? I mean, I guess I’m just used to it. You know, been here a million times now,” Steve says nonchalantly.
“Really now, Steve?” Douxie says, quirking an eyebrow, and stifling a laugh as the teen almost falls off the platform, screeching and squawking. He magically grabs the back of Steve’s shirt and sets him back on his feet, to which Steve just gives a nervous laugh. Douxie and Krel exchange an exasperated look and Aja just huffs fondly.
“Steve, how could you not tell me?” Eli asks as Toby starts to mess with the console.
“Uh, Toby, I wouldn’t mess with that!” Douxie calls, jogging up to the console and pulling Toby’s hands away from almost pressing the self-destruct button.
“I just told you!” Steve says.
“But what about our Creepslayerz Oath?” Eli asks.
“What Creepslayerz Oath? What are you talking about?” Steve asks.
“Exactly! We were supposed to write one!” Eli says, jumping into one of the chairs.
Krel cuts into the Creepslayerz conversation, joining Douxie and Toby up by the console, shooing the latter away. “Can we return to this subject later? We have a bounty hunter to deal with.”
Toby retreats and takes the other chair. Aja and Steve come up from behind.
“I can manually access Mother’s database here,” Krel says, hands and fingers flying, “Just takes a couple of sektons to unlock.”
“Log,” Mother’s robotic voice rings out, “Pulling up Commander Vex’s logs.”
“No, not ‘logs’!” Krel says, and Douxie can already tell how this is going to go.
“Delson one, Commander Vex reporting. Or should Varvatos say “Nanny Vex”?”
“Mother, get him off the screen!”
“Next screen.”
“No!”
“Delson 17. Varvatos met Nancy Domzalski –”
“My Nana?”
“She captured my rook, my queen, and my core. She is, how the hoomans would say, ‘hot’.”
“Hot? Ew! No, no, no! She’s not hot, she’s Nana!” Toby cries out, scrabbling to change the video.
It changes to just a video of Varvatos practicing his fighting, going through forms and techniques.
“Oh man, he’s a really good fighter! Who is he?” Eli asks.
Douxie can practically feel the rage and the hurt radiating off of Krel. He places a hand on Krel’s shoulder, testing out whether or not the Akiridion will accept the physical comfort. Krel crosses both sets of arms, tensing up, but he leans into Douxie, and Douxie quickly slides the hand along his shoulder to bring Krel under his arm in a secure side-hug.
“Nobody,” Krel grumbles. It’s angry and stubborn, but Douxie can hear the slightest quiver in his voice, and Douxie’s heart breaks.
Something needs to be done about this.
“It’s a long story,” he hears Aja say from behind him, before following with, “Mother, any information on a bounty hunter with a giant hammer-thing?”
“Searching, searching, searching, searching …”
“She’s still rebooting,” Krel says, bringing up a hand to his forehead, exasperated.
“She did go through quite the ordeal two weeks ago, and from what I’ve seen, she’s a very complex computer. We just have to work with her as she reboots,” Douxie says, trying to assuage Krel’s frustration.
“Your order for red boots has been shipped and will arrive in two to five business delsons.”
“No!” Krel yells, and Douxie sighs.
“Bounty hunter identified. Magma-Tron hails from the planet Cindor. Cindorites are an almost indestructible, violent race of mechanized beings known for their wanton disregard for life. They are prone to quips, ruthless cruelty, and what humans refer to as “trash talking”.”
“Mother,” Aja says from beside Douxie, which he doesn’t flinch at at all, “Any information on how to defeat this guy?”
“Searching my database. The only known weakness is … wa- … wa- … wa- … System rebooting.”
Both the siblings groan and Aja sighs, “This is going to take forever!”
“Not necessarily,” Douxie says as someone’s phone chimes.
“What do you mean by that?” Aja asks.
“One of the alien traps went off! It caught something in the sewers!” Eli exclaims, cutting off that line of questioning.
“It could be Magma-Tron!” Krel says as they turn to look at Eli, who’s showing them the location on his phone. “Wait, were you trying to trap us?”
Something inside Douxie growls lowly at that, which he carefully contains and chalks up to his familiar-ship with Archie.
“Yeah, but only because someone never told me you were cool.”
“You shouldn’t have needed someone to tell you. Why would you assume every extraterrestrial was bad when you had already seen there are good and bad trolls?” Douxie asks, “There are no species or societies that are 100% good or 100% bad. Caution can be good when approaching something or someone you know nothing about, but you can’t just go around assuming the worse of everyone and everything! That’s incredibly insulting for one, and also liable to get you on the wrong side of the wrong people very quickly.”
Eli looks properly chastised, and Krel grabs Douxie’s hand and gives it an appreciative squeeze.
Steve grabs the phone and tosses it to Aja.
“We must stop Magma-Tron before he hurts someone,” she says.
“Or us,” Krel adds.
“Still happy Vex is gone?” Aja snaps, and Krel flinches back at that.
“Aja, you know as well as I do that was uncalled for. Krel is having just as hard of a time with Varvatos being gone as you are,” Douxie cuts in.
“And what do you know about loss!?” she practically bites, and Douxie can’t keep himself from lashing out, Aja digging at just the wrong wound. But he does manage to school it in enough to keep his voice calm and demeanor cool.
“I am a 919-year-old wizard who has seen empires and countries rise and fall, has fought in some of the bloodiest wars in history, and has seen the very worst of humanity. I lost my pseudo-sister when she turned on myself and my master and our kingdom, and then she took from me my master, who was basically my father, and then I lost my home within 24 hours of losing my father figure, much like yourself mind you. I have made and lost more friends, acquaintances, and family than you could possibly imagine. Forgive me if I might think I know a thing or two about loss.”
Everyone in the room is dead silent, staring at Douxie in shock, and Krel has tightened his grip on Douxie’s hand.
“Well, then, “Douxie says, clearing his throat awkwardly, “We should go after Magma-Tron. Toby, go get your armor, I’ll go put on some actual clothes, everyone one meet back up in the town square. From there, Eli can lead the way.”
Half an hour later, they find themselves navigating through the sewers, most of that time having been taken up by Archie lecturing Douxie.
Finally, Eli stops them.
“The trap is just around this corner,” he whispers.
“We’ll take it from here,” Aja says. She and Krel take out their serrator-blades, and Toby pulls out his hammer. Douxie readies a spell. Archie gets ready to hold back Steve and Eli, as Douxie doesn’t trust them not to get in the way.
They jump out and–
“Zadra?” Krel says, “What are you doing here?”
And Zadra it most certainly is. She’s tangled in a net, reaching for … a Nougat Nummy.
Douxie rolls his eyes.
“None of my battlefield training prepared me for the temptations of these delicious confections.”
“Yeah! The Nougat Nummies worked!” Eli cheers.
“I ordered you not to leave the ship for your own protection!” she says, sliding right into the scolding.
“And considering how much longer you have spent with Aja and Krel than me, you should have known there was no way you were keeping them contained to the ship,” Douxie says.
“He has a point,” Krel says, stifling a giggle.
“Is there some cheat sheet we could get? Like, how do we tell who’s a good alien or a bad alien?” Toby asks.
“How do you tell who’s a good troll or a bad troll? A good human or a bad human?” Douxie shoots back.
Then there’s a clank and a recognizable double-ended hammer comes spinning down the sewer line. They barely manage to duck before it returns to its owner, boomerang style.
“Give up your cores, Tarrons, before I rip them from your bodies!”
“A Cindorite?” Zadra gasps, “My Royals, run!”
“With Varvatos Vex off-planet, no one can save you now!”
“Off-planet?” Aja gasps, “You know where Varvatos is! Where is he?”
“Not here to protect you.”
“Well, it’s a good thing I am then, huh?” Douxie says, stepping forward in front of the armed siblings.
“Douxie, what are you doing?” Krel asks.
“And who are you?”
“Someone who likes Krel’s and Aja’s cores exactly where they are,” Douxie says, “And would prefer them to stay there.”
“Hahaha! Say goodbye to your teeth!”
Magma-Tron first goes to throw it, but Douxie says something before he can.
“Really, you’re just going to throw it? I would’ve thought you had more bravery than a feeble larvox! But you’re no better than a soolian.”
“Douxie!” Aja gasps.
“Douxie, don’t goad him!” Krel cries out.
But that’s exactly what he wanted to do.
He doesn’t know what ‘soolian’ means exactly, nor does he know exactly what a larvox is, but what he does know is that what he just said is insulting, and if he’s reading Magma-Tron right, then that ought to be enough.
“How dare you!”
Magma-Tron runs forward, hauling his hammer up as if to come down on Douxie’s head.
Perfect.
Because, really, Magma-Tron? From the planet Cindor? That’s just too easy. And with Mother confirming its weakness begins with ‘wa’, all Douxie needs is a good supply of it (conjuring it is a royal bitch).
“Causa crepitus!”
The bolts on the pipeline above him unscrew, and water comes gushing out straight onto its head.
Magma-Tron screeches in pain and starts to power down.
“Wait, don’t kill him! He knows where Varvatos is!” Aja calls out.
“Glacio!”
The stream of water freezes, holding the short-circuiting Magma-Tron in place.
“If you want your information, now’s the time to get it before he fully boots back up.”
Aja doesn’t need another word, running past Douxie and brandishing her blade. As she does this, Krel comes up and cuts Zadra down.
“Where is Varvatos!?”
“He’s on Earth’s moon, rotting away in some prison cell.”
“Varvatos was captured?” Aja asks.
“He didn’t leave us. He was taken,” Krel says, careful hope edging into his voice though Douxie can hear the effort to keep that at bay.
“By whom?” Aja asks.
“Zeron Alpha. Commander Vex is heading home to Akiridion 5 for his execution.”
“Execution?” Krel says as Aja gasps in horror.
“You’ll be reunited with Varvatos in death!”
At that moment, the ice cracks and shatters, and Magma-Tron breaks free.
Only for Douxie to immediately let go of the freezing spell, allowing the water to flow freely once more, the direct stream pouring onto his head, rendering him immobile and short-circuiting once again.
“So, do we just have to wait for the water to kill him?” Douxie asks.
“It should have weakened him enough for our attacks to kill him,” Zadra says.
Aja and Krel both spring forward at that, their serrator blades now cleanly slicing through Magma-Tron, creating an ‘X’ through him momentarily, before he starts to dissolve into lava.
“That was awesome sauce!” Toby cheers.
“Yep! That’s my girlfriend,” Steve gloats and then turns to Eli, “And you are my friend, Pepperjack.”
“Yes!”
“Creep-”
“Slayerz! Best friends? Bros?”
“Yeah, okay, Pepperjack. Bros. But you’re still a buttsnack.”
Douxie snorts.
“What?” Krel asks quietly, coming over to walk in pace with Douxie back to the main group.
“Just those two. How long do you think it’ll take them to realize?”
“Considering they haven’t already? I think it’ll take someone else telling them at this rate.”
“Aja?”
“It’d probably be best coming from Aja, but I am uncertain whether she’ll catch on or not. I might have to nudge her, which I do not want to do.”
“Because Steve’s her boyfriend?”
“No, it’s not that. Unlike here, it is not socially frowned upon on Akiridion 5 for romantic relationships to consist of more than two people, or for one person to have relationships with two or more people who are not in a mutual relationship, as long as everything is consensual and understood by all involved. It complicates things, though a lot of that complication has been removed since Aja is going by human dating customs rather than Akiridion dating customs. I just don’t want to nudge her because if I meddle in her dating life, she will meddle in mine.”
"Yeah, that sounds like Aja."
Once the group is fully gathered, Krel clears his throat and addresses Zadra, “Sorry we snuck out. And were nearly killed. Again. You were right.”
“You were right as well,” Zadra says, “If you hadn’t left the ship, I might have been killed. And I see now there aren’t just enemies out there. These humans can be our allies, our friends. And more.”
She then turns to Douxie and places a hand on his shoulder.
“I have not been kind to you over the past two wardons, despite the cordiality and respect you showed. Tonight, you have proven yourself a trustworthy and formidable ally. Though do not think this means I will not watch you closely. Just because I can trust you to fight with and for us does not mean I am not still wary of you as Krel's King-in-Waiting Consort-Apparent.”
“Zadra!” Krel hisses.
“Noted,” Douxie says.
“So does that mean you trust me?” Steve asks hopefully.
“You are just a suitor.”
“Zadra!” Aja says, offended.
“What’s the difference?” Steve asks.
“A Consort is the lower-ranking spouse of a monarch, and a suitor is a generic term for someone you are dating, someone you could potentially marry,” Eli says.
“On Akiridion 5, there is actually a greater difference in the terms,” Zadra explains. “I am uncertain of how human royal hierarchical structures work, but on Akiridion 5 there is a very particular structure that has titles attached, including between royals and their life-partners. We have our Kings, Queens, and Monarchs, and the various positions below them in the royal hierarchy. If their life-partner is a royal, they are also a King/Queen/Monarch. If their life-partner is nonroyal, then they are titled King/Queen/Monarch Consort. Prior to the official ceremony binding them as life-partners, while they are still in the courting stage, the royal potential life-partner would be King/Queen/Monarch-Apparent. The nonroyal potential life-partner would be King/Queen/Monarch Consort-Apparent. These titles carry down the royal hierarchy, the only part that changes being the initial title which indicates rank and gender.
“Douxie here currently holds the position of King-in-Waiting Consort-Apparent as he is in the midst of courtship with the King-in-Waiting, though I am keeping my eye on him, as I just stated. Should he and Krel eventually become official life-partners, he would become King-in-Waiting Consort. His initial rank title would change to just King upon Krel's full ascension to the throne, whether that be before the ceremony, making him King Consort-Apparent, or after the ceremony, making him King Consort. Right now Douxie could also be considered Prince Consort-Apparent since 'King-in-Waiting' is technically a symbolic title. Krel still holds the official, legal position of Prince, he simply now has the official approval for ascension, whenever that may come to pass.”
Douxie had known all of this, Krel had explained it when they got together after the world didn't end to explain things – Krel had wanted to make things clear for Douxie when discussing their relationship since he did not have to hide his Akiridion identity – but it's still weird for him to think about. He's always basically been a peasant, middle-class at best, and the closest he ever got to royalty was when Merlin took him in and he technically became part of Arthur's court. But even then, he was just a lowly apprentice, not the kind of person true royalty would ever spare a glance to, he only got what he did because of Merlin. But now, since he's dating Krel, he actually holds the title Prince Consort-Apparent, and, should everything go as he hopes it will, eventually he'll be King Consort. Which is just plain weird. Him, Hisirdoux Casperan, King Consort? It's almost laughable, how ridiculous the thought is, but it's true, and he can't quite parse through the odd mix of emotions he's experiencing.
“The term I used for Steve, suiter, is a term used not just for royals but in the general public as well," Zadra continues, "A suiter is what someone is called during the courting phase when there is still question as to their seriousness and/or their worthiness."
Toby bursts out laughing, and Eli makes an offended sound on Steve’s behalf.
“What! I’m serious!” Steve says.
“And he’s worthy! Steve is my Prince Consort-Apparent!” Aja insists.
While they take care of … that, Douxie and Krel turn back to the mess, Archie swooping over the mess to inspect.
“Well, you guys certainly did a number on this thing,” Archie says.
“But his weapon remains,” Krel says, going over to it and looking it over. “It is pretty nice. Has a lightweight thruster on each end. If we separate the ends, then … I think I could put this to good use.”
He looks to Douxie, an idea sparkling in his eyes.
By using the thrusters, Stewart’s truck, and an illusion spell, they manage to get the house back into place by noon, not having to worry about prying eyes.
And two days later, after working his shift, he gets another text from Krel.
I really hope it’s not another bounty hunter.
Krel❤️:
Got Mother fully rebooted. Stuart retrieved his ship from 49-B. Going to the moon for a prisonbreak. See you in 2-3 delsons, hopefully with Varvatos. Don’t tell Zadra.
Um, what?