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Sehnsucht

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‘Sehnsucht’, the deep desire to have something or someone you know you can’t have, but you can’t help yourself. The ache of longing for something you can’t ever reach hurts in a way words can never explain.

It’s a pain Wrench would never wish upon anyone, not even his worst enemy.

He kneeled there amidst the bloody battlefield, holding his lover so tightly as if that could stop the inevitable from happening. Though his voice was shaky with tears threatening to fall, he still tried to comfort the man who was bleeding out in his arms. Who was he trying to comfort more, really, himself or Jomm?

“W.. rench, hey..” Jomm croaked out hoarsely. With his greatest effort he lifted a calloused hand up to caress Wrench’s bloodied cheek, trying to muster up a smile.

And that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Tears started streaming down Wrench’s cheeks as he faced the reality that they weren’t getting out of this alive.

“..Jomm..”

“Please don’t cry over me.”

Of course this was bound to happen, sooner or later. They were RHG’s after all, who signed their life to an eternity of protecting others. Everyday, every fight was a gamble. Could you come home today? Will you be victorious? But your enemy is somebody else’s beloved. You would never know which goodbye would be the last one.

“..I don’t want you to leave.. n-not yet, please-”

“Wrench.”

He leaned into the warmth of Jomm’s palm. “Look at me, please..”

Biting his tongue back, Wrench suppressed another sob that bubbled up in his throat. He looked down at his lover. “..yes..”

“You’ll be okay.”

“But you won't..”

All he wanted was a happy ending, goddammit. The day Decoy would stop using him like a puppet, the day he could rest his weapon, the day they could have a nice date without being interrupted because ‘duty calls’, the day they could.. have a pretty wedding, maybe. When they could walk up the altar together, arms linked, and Wrench could finally dip Jomm and kiss him in front of everyone without shame or fear..

That can never happen. He’s still longing for an impossible future.

“..Wrench, can you promise me something?”

Slowly wiping his tears, he nodded.

“..if another life exists for us, another chance..” Jomm started, though interrupted with a brief cough. “P-Please.. promise me that we’ll marry?”

Jomm was never the type to believe in reincarnations, gods, or anything of the sort but.. in this moment, it's nice to have that small glimmer of hope, for a second chance at life.

“..I promise.”

Wrench gave his hand a squeeze, only just noticing how cold and shaky his hand was. Jomm’s eyes slowly fluttered shut as he quietly slipped a ring on his lover’s finger. A proposal ring. It was a simple silver band, just how Wrench liked things to be, with a small blue gemstone engraved into it.

“..I have a matching one,” Jomm spoke up, chuckling softly as he pulled out an identical ring out of his pocket, this time with a red gemstone embedded into its center. “I wanted to propose but..”

He coughed again, more blood staining his black sleeves. “..I’m sorry it had to be this way.”

Stupid Wrench. If he’d been faster, he could’ve taken the hit for Jomm instead. It could’ve been him, it should’ve been him.

“I love you,” he whimpered out, pulling Jomm closer and hugging him tighter. “Heavens, I love you, I love you too much..”

“..I love you too, Wrench,” Jomm responded, his voice now barely louder than a whisper. The cut across his throat stinged with every word he managed to squeeze out. “I love you.”

He could feel it. They both could. The comforting warmth that gradually left Jomm’s body, the weakness of his grip. Wrench gently held his cheek, pressing their foreheads together.

“..Wrench..”

“Yes..?”

Smiling softly, Jomm intertwined their fingers together, letting their matching rings clink against one another. “Will you marry me?”

By the time Wrench had finished sobbing his heart out, Jomm wasn’t there anymore to comfort him, like he always would have done.