Chapter Text
"So what are you doing for the rest of the afternoon?" Jimin finally asked as he turned in his seat again, draping his legs over the arm rest. Their salads were long forgotten and nearly gone, abandoned on Namjoon's desk. He had been wondering why he would need the entire afternoon off if they were only having lunch and now, it really was well past lunch. He'd been sitting in the same chair for about two hours, chatting with his husband but Namjoon had started to work again and it had been quiet for too long.
Namjoon looked up from the file in his hand, a small smile on his face as he shut it. "I planned on going home with you. We need to work out a few more things, don't we? Like our engagement party or at least the announcement to our friends. Finding an apartment... a couple other things I'm sure we'll think of when we get there." He explained, marking something off on the paper with his pen that Jimin couldn't see nor did he bother to try. He knew that his lack of experience in his husband's field would only create a burden if he tried to help.
"Ah, I forgot about that stuff." He hummed softly. "We should eat in tonight. Yoongi and I bought a bunch of groceries and-"
"You bought groceries?" Namjoon asked with the biggest smile Jimin had seen that day. The idea of Jimin going to the store and buying food for both of them, it was such a homely act that he couldn't help his smile.
"Mhm. Groceries and walked Rapmon too. He is so wellbehaved..." He murmured as he took out his phone, scrolling through the notifications on the lockscreen.
That was too cute... He could see Jimin probably holding Rapmon the entire time like he was a small lapdog or something. He was quite small but not small enough to carry everywhere and he was certainly not big enough to carry around while grocery shopping so the idea of Jimin doing so was just heartwarming.
A few more minutes passed again and the two had fallen silent. Jimin had become distracted with reading his notifications, trying to gather as much information from the few lines of messages he could see without having to click it and have it be known that he read it, and Namjoon was shifting through his files. Surprisingly it wasn't Jimin who broke the silence, Namjoon had grown too curious as to what was so interesting on his husband's phone to simply pay no mind to it.
"Anything interesting?" His eyes were still focused on the papers in front of him but he glanced up for a moment to see the small blush and smile from Jimin.
He quickly put his phone to his chest, looking over at him, his smile growing wider. "Nothing~"
"Aww, c'mon. Don't lie to me. It has to be something to keep you from breaking the silence." He crossed his arms as he leaned back in his chair, eyes focused on Jimin who was still trying to hide his phone as if he weren't just on it. Whatever was on it, Namjoon didn't particularly care but he was a bit jealous that the device had more attention than he was getting.
"I don't usually break the silence." He mumbled under his breath, sitting up properly in the seat as he turned to face him better.
"You do."
"I really don't."
"Ah, but you really do."
Jimin let out a small huff as he narrowed his eyes at him. "Shh."
"Only because you asked so nicely." He chuckled softly and Jimin lit up. "So what's on your phone?"
"Messages." His smile faded a little as he glanced down at the screen. "My team keeps asking where I am, why I didn't come today. My mom keeps messaging me too, crazy stuff like 'are you dead'. I'm very tempted to text back but I dunno. I like the mysterious aura behind being MIA."
The two shared a small chuckle as Namjoon set his papers down. "You have always been so mysterious... I think it was only a matter of time before you did go MIA."
"Oh yeah, sooo mysterious. I've had the same routine fort he past, I don't know, 10 years or so? So mysterious." Jimin said and Namjoon smiled. "Routine is good though. I've had a pretty steady routine for a couple of years."
"Yeah but your schedule is flexible, mine is like etched into marble. If I try and change it with my little tools-"
"A chisel and hammer."
"Yeah. If I try to fix it with those, I end up breaking my world to pieces." He let out a small sigh as he slumped back in his chair again. He was overwhelmed with reality and that was just another reason why he didn't go into work today. Going in meant facing reality; the reality that he was quitting; the reality that he actually did get married and had a honeymoon; the reality that he was gay. All of those things were wonderful things he was happy with but he just did not want to admit it yet. He wanted to move on in his own little bubble of happiness with Namjoon without facing crappy reality. "I don't know what I want, Joon-ah." He murmured, letting another sigh with a small pout.
"You don't have to know what you want right now. At least not when it pertains to everything. You can just... you know, take things slow. What do you want for dinner tonight? What do you want to wear to bed later? What is the plan for today? And if that's too slow then, when do you think we should have that get together with our friends? It doesn't have to be all planned out right now."
Jimin chuckled again. "You're so collected... ah you make being an adult seem easy."
"It's not easy at all. I have an assistant to help keep my work schedule together. Then I have Yoongi. That man is the only reason I have groceries most of the time and why Monnie is still alive. Oh, and you two are the reason I even eat. It's far from easy but I keep it together because i know that if it doesn't work out at the end of the day, I can still get back up the next morning and keep trying, you know?"
"Ah, I wish I had that but I'm pretty sure if I did, I'd feel even more out of control." That was true. If someone scheduled everything for him without him really knowing when things were happening or simply the fact that he didn't plan it himself, he would probably go crazy. Things were done well when he did it himself. "But taking it one day at a time does seem like a good idea. Or at least one week at a time."
"Good idea." Namjoon said. "What's the plan for this week?"
"I'm staying over again tonight. Tomorrow, I go into work unofficially."
"Meaning?"
"Meaning I don't dance or do anything work-related aside for announcing that I'm quitting... I'm unsure if I'll announce it though. Maybe leave silently after telling my boss. Then, um... Maybe I'll meet up with Yoongi to walk Rapmon again. Get some clothes from my apartment... avoid my mom at least for this week. Friday though." His voice trailed off with his head tilted to the side and eyes dazed. He was staring right through Namjoon but Namjoon still loved it. At least he was looking in his general direction. "Friday we should try and meet up with our friends, tell them the big news and everything."
"Are you sure?"
He nodded his head, his eyes focusing on Namjoon again. "Mmmhmmm. If they won't support me after years of friendship over something i really can't control - like love - then what was the point of the friendship?"
"Then what about your mother?"
"What about her?"
"What happens if, you know, she doesn't accept the marriage?"
Jimin let out a small sigh as he leaned further back into his chair, his cheeks puffing before he blew out all of the air. "She could disown me, never talk to me again, attempt to destroy you and me... there's many things she could do. Frankly, I don't want to tell her at all."
"But you should."
"Yeah I really should but it's difficult. You know my dad's not out of the picture. My mother basically raised me by herself... so if I were to lose her, I'd lose my only family really."
"It's not your only family, Jimin. You have me now and you have your friends."
"Who might now accept me-"
"You know Yoongi does and your grandmother does and so does Mrs. Choi. You do have a family."
"Blood family, Joonie-ah." Jimin mumbled, a small frown coming to his face as he realized how alone he really was. Well, he was but he wasn't. He didn't have a father and his mother was there but only to critisize him and he had friends but friends are only friends, and now he had Namjoon so that counted at least but some part of him didn't want to completely depend on Namjoon for everything.
Depending on someone was a dangerous thing. No only did it leave you so dependent on that person but it left you defenseless if they were to leave and while he didn't think Namjoon would leave him, there was still an inkling of fear that was keeping him from depending on anyone completely.
"Marriage is just as strong as blood." Namjoon replied. "Even if everyone you're physically related to leave, you will always have me Jimin."
"Will I?" He mumbled under his breath, eyes focused on the desk between them rather than Namjoon. His throat felt tight and he could tell that if they continued talking about this he would probably cry.
"Of course you will. I'm not leaving."
"Joonie-ah." He pouted as he looked up at him again, a small sadness in his eyes. "You've left me before."
"And it was the biggest mistake of my life. I was a young kid who was terrified of admitting my feelings so I ran and I hid and forced myself to be someone I'm not. But that was the old me. That is someone I refuse to be again because I was unhappy. I was unhappy without you in my life. I was unhappy forcing myself to be someone else. So I'm going to continue being me and if you didn't know, I am someone who has and will love you for the rest of my life." Jimin's pout grew; not because he was sad but because Namjoon's words seemed so heartfelt.
Those two years when they rarely talked. Those two years when Jimin tried relentlessly to hold onto the one thing he genuinely loved. Those two years Namjoon pushed him away... Fuck those years honestly. Screw them in every way, shape, and form.
They hurt and he didn't want to think about them. Not only did he write Namjoon daily, every note he wrote was written out of love despite what he was going through, despite the pain he endured. It's not like his life was a living hell; he was quite lucky to have a good job and a place of his own at his age back then, but living without his best friend... not having him there, that was painful.
So painful he enlisted at the same time on the delusional hope that maybe they would be put in the same unit or whatever (he never really understood the terms of the military). And that delusion was confirmed to be a real when he was admitted into civil service rather than military service. It was something he didn't admit to his friends or even his mother because thankfully he was assigned to a quieter part of Seoul for patrols and so he didn't have to face anyone he knew but it was still embarrassing. He wasn't even sure why he wasn't passed through into military service but frankly he didn't want to look into it too much. It was just another way to prove he was weaker than others and that was something he hated.
Anyways, the point is, Namjoon drove him to enlist. They were enlisted at the same time, not going through the same things but things nonetheless and despite the way stresses and pain he felt back then, he still tried.
Ah, it was difficult not to become upset over because he tried so hard but Namjoon tried harder to push him away. He hated that he was ever pushed away at all.
"Do you trust me?" Namjoon asked after a few minutes of silence of just Jimin thinking to himself.
He nodded his head, staying quiet. He did not know what to say.
"Then you should trust that I won't leave you again Jimin. Trust my word. I promise you that I'll never leave again."
Jimin swallowed hard as he tore his eyes away, looking down at the ground as he wiped the few stray tears that escaped from under his eyes before he answered. "I trust you."
"Then, next Sunday, you and me will go to your mother's house." Jimin's fingers tightened into his sweatshirt at Namjoon's words. Theoretically, he was okay with going to see his mother and even telling her about the marriage but in reality... oh no no. That was a big no no.
"What about your parents?" He mumbled and Namjoon put on a cool smile but his own throat was tight with fear. "We'll go after seeing your mom."