Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
Had a very shiny nose
And if you ever saw it
You would even say it glows
All of the other reindeer
Used to laugh and call him names
They never let poor Rudolph
Play in any reindeer games
Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say
"Rudolph with your nose so bright
Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"
Rudolph the resentful reindeer
Kinda lost it then and there
"You let the other reindeer
Bully me for the past 20 years!"
"When they shattered my skull with a locker,
I begged you for some help.
But all you said to me was
'Not my problem, talk to the elves!'"
Santa was shocked and he tried to talk
"What about the kids?"
"Like you gave a damn about them.
You didn't even care about us!"
"And even if I wanted to help you
Take a good look at my nose.
The elves had to make me a prosthetic
And It. Doesn't. Glow."
Rudy stormed off to the airport
He booked a flight that day
He used up all his money
But he didn't even care
He ended up here in Hometown
And found a factory job
It paid well and it was unionized
And his coworkers were actually nice
Rudolph the ordinary reindeer
Got a wife, two kids, and a house
He's never been happier in his whole life
Should be smooth sailing from here on out