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The Inspired Chicken Bungalow Court

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The Inspired Chicken Bungalow Court

by HYPERFocused

Disclaimers: I don't own or control anyone from either the WB or The Learning Channel. I fantasize about Lex and Clark on A Wedding Story, but know it's not going to happen. And if Frank or Hildi designed my room, I'd run away screaming.

This is yet another Bradbury challenge fic. The title doesn't mean a lot, but struck me as being fittingly Frankish.

"Oh my God, Lex. I cannot believe you volunteered for this." Clark looked out the bedroom window, wide-eyed as the TLC and Home Depot trucks started pulling into the castle drive. They had about half an hour to wait, while the camera crew was setting up. Presumably Martha and Jonathan were being invaded by the other half of the Endemol team. Then they'd all be meeting with the producers, in anticipation of tomorrow's filming.

Lex was still a little amazed the Kents had agreed to such an invasion of their home. He figured they'd triple locked the storm cellar. "Why not? It's good PR for LexCorp. Your parents will finally get a guestroom without gingham, and I'll get a weekend to ogle your ass in jeans, as you stretch to paint the ceiling."

"But Lex, you delegate, you don't decorate. I never thought of you as a hands on kind of guy." Clark laughs a little as he realizes how that sounded. "You know what I mean..."

"I think it will be fun." Lex demonstrates hands on. "Willful destruction at the Kent family farm. The cows won't Feng Shui themselves, Clark. Besides, I've seen you in a toolbelt, and believe me, it's something the rest of America needs to see as well."

"Um, thanks, I think." Clark blushes, still a bit embarassed at being so objectified. They've been -- mostly secret --lovers for almost four years, and for all intents and purposes, Clark lives at the castle. That's going to have to change when he starts Met U in the fall (freshman are required to live in the dorms), but for now, Clark is thrilled with the prospect of spending the summer creating a life with Lex.

"But what if you get Frank? Can you live with a room with roosters?"

"Clark, you already know I like cock." Lex grins at Clark's blush, and is quick enough to duck when a red cotton covered arm reaches out to thwap him. "Anyway, it'll just remind me of you. And it'll go with the quilt. Farmboy fresh, all the way." He leans in to get a taste of the farm, so to speak.

"Peach, Lex. Peach and aqua." Clark says, when he gets his tongue back. "Two days on your hands and knees, and not in the fun way, painting fake cobblestone into the floor."

"Easily fixed after filming. And Frank's good with the historical stuff. Maybe he'd build us a nice plywood Alexander the Great."

"Oh yes, that would be a thrill." Clark gave a very teenage eyeroll in Lex's direction. Sometimes he was eighteen, going on twelve.

"Don't knock my thrills, Clark. You usually seem to like them just fine."

"Or you could get Hildi. Come home to broken Ty-Nant bottles glued to the fireplace, razor wire and meteor rocks imbedded in the walls. Or hay."

"Hey, yourself." Lex says this with such a leer that Clark wishes they were going to be on A Fucking Story, but doesn't think The Learning Channel wants to be that educational. He can't stop himself from reaching under Lex's shirt.

"I happen to have a great fondness for hay," Lex says, running his hands down to the curve of Clark's hips. They're both remembering nights in the "fortress of solitude", scratchy straw sticking to sweaty skin. Sex can be so alliterative sometimes. Not to mention superlative.

"Vern would be good. " Clark says. "He kind of reminds me of Mr. Kwan."

"You don't know many Asian people, do you, Clark? But yeah, he'd bring some nice clean lines. God knows your parents house could use that"

"Or maybe we'll get to work with Doug. I'd love to watch you try and out-tantrum each other."

"I don't have tantrums, Clark. I just get what I want."

"Lex, have you seen the show? It's notorious for not giving the Homeowners what they want. In two days, you could have a bedroom done up in Lana pink."

"I got you, didn't I?" Lex says affectionately. "Even your parents seem to be all right about it now. " He runs an elegant hand over the patchwork quilt that signified Clark's parents acceptance of their shared bed. It really was exquisite. Martha had the eye of an artist.

"It will be fun, watching Chloe meet her flippy haired evil twin, Paige." Clark laughs, in between caresses.

"Paige Page, even."

"Chloe's convinced she's an android. Nobody could be that chipper naturally."

"Another product of the Sirius Cybernetics Company?"

"God, Lex, you are such a Sci-fi geek."

"I know 42 ways to stop you from caring."

"Yeah, well, we only have time for one of them. Make it a good one. You know, we won't be able to grope each other while we're working."

'They turn the cam off at night, Clark. I think. Not that I care, I'm all for giving middle America a show."

"Editing Room floor, Lex."

"I don't think the castle has an editing room, Clark. But if it did, we'd do it there, sure."

"Fuck you, Lex" Clark gives him a mock exasperated glare.

"Yes, that was the idea."

Afterwards, Clark says, "I don't think this home needs any improving." They dress quickly, and head down to greet their visitors.

"Hi, I'm Paige Davis, and this is a very special episode of Trading Spaces. We're coming to you from Smallville Kansas, home of The Crows, and some really cool rocks - including the ones that make up Luthor castle, shipped here all the way from Scotland. Oh, and you might know Smallville from those other rocks. It is, after all, meteor capital of the world.

Our homeowners today are Lex Luthor, and his --friend-- Clark Kent .They live in the castle. And Jonathan and Martha Kent, who run the Kent family organic farm. Best apples in Kansas, I'm told. Too bad Martha will be too busy painting to bake us one of her trademark pies.

Lex, you and Clark will be working at the Kent farm, decorating a guest-room with Hildi Santos-Tomas. Martha, you and Jonathan will storm the castle with Frank Bielic. Hopefully you'll transform the bedroom you've chosen from a drafty museum to a cozy haven. Remember, you have only two days, and $1000 to work with. Are you ready to exchange keys? Good, let's trade spaces."