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I kissed a boy (maybe two)

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The first time Atsushi kisses a boy, he is barely eight, he knows nothing about romance and he probably does not even register the event as the oh-my-god-my-first-kiss-ever thing it should be.


« At-chan! » the silver-haired kid reached the highest floor of the three-floor wooden castle with a long jump, landing a few inches from where Atsushi was seating.

« Kin-chan! » the bluenette squeaked. « Y-you scared me! »


Atsushi’s eyes were already heavy with tears. His friend stepped back, bewildered. Then, he leaned down to his level, a confident smile on his lips. He patted Atsushi’s cheeks with his hands.


« No need to be scared, At-chan. I’m here to protect you! » he declared, his firm tone and pompous words creating a bizarre contrast with his age.


Just like that, he pressed a quick kiss on Atsushi’s lips. To his own surprise, Atsushi felt so much better after that.



Actually, to be completely honest with himself, he elaborates the concept only when Ryuu points it out, with a loud whistle of admiration, during the most innocent conversation about childhood and playground games.

« Are you saying that your first kiss was with a boy? And you were eight? That’s impressive. » Ryuu throws him a meaningful glance – meaning what, Atsushi has no idea and he is pretty sure he does not want to know.

And then, out of the blue, Yumoto manages to bring the conversation to a whole new level of awkwardness. That’s a kind of magic power.

« Woah! Kinugawa-senpai kissed a member of the council! »

Atsushi nervously adjusts his glasses and clears his throat. The boy next to him – who happens to be En, of course, because who else would be sitting next to him? – catches his breath, Atsushi can fucking feel it: En freezes on his seat with such a gracious discretion that his tension comes unnoticed by everyone except Atsushi.

«  W-well. It wasn’t exactly a kiss. We were just playing, that’s it. It is actually very common among kids to play fairytales characters and I simply happened to play the princess while he was playing the knight. »

It occurs to him that Kinshirou was always playing the knight any time Atsushi was the princess, which meant most of the time. The bluenette found that the part suited his calm nature better and he could easily read a book for the whole time of the game, waiting for his knight to come and rescue him.

He wisely chooses not to share these informations with his so-called friends.

« I always played the princess, too! ‘Cause I was the prettiest, obviously. » Ryuu is practically glowing.

« Obviously. »Io echoes him, mockingly. « Or perhaps you were the slower and the other kids realized it would have been more profitable to have you playing the easy role. »

« Being a princess is not an easy role! » Ryuu pouts his lips. « It requires lots of charm and wits. You have to make all the knights fall in love with you to improve your chances to get rescued! »

The boy gives his best friend a proud-puppy smile. Io sighs, resingned, then nodds at him approvingly.

« You clearly thought that through, I can give you that. »

Ryuu looks like a child who has just been told school is over forever – or more likely a little ball of sunshine and pink cheeks. Atsushi and Wombat are the only ones to notice how embarassing these two can get – Yumoto could probably notice it as well, with a little bit of effort, but he is usually too busy being equally embarassing to aknowledge the fact.

« Why did you play the princess, senpai? » Yumoto enquires.

Atsushi thanks the Heavens that Yumoto came out with such an innocent question – you can never tell with that blonde little devil – so he begins to plan a long, elaborate answer that will bore his friends to death and make them all forget about that nonsense.

That is also when En stands up – unexpectedly and far too fast for his standards.

« Are you saying that Atsushi-chan is not pretty enough to play the princess? »

En is wearing his scariest passive-aggressive face – the one saying “I look so calm you can probably picture how fucking slowly and painfully I am going to kill you”. Atsushi almost chokes in his own saliva. Yumoto blinks. Ryuu pops his tongue and widens his eyes in interest. Io looks aways with half of a smirk already coming up to his lips.

« I don’t know. » Yumoto replies, honestly. « I think nobody is prettier than Womb-san. You guys are all the same to me. »

The young boy titles his head and studies Atsushi’s face for a moment longer.

« But I know for sure that Kinugawa-senpai is very, very, veeery embarassed right know. His face is soooo red. »

Another example of Yumoto’s exquisite sense of shame.

The club meeting ends with Atsushi desperately trying to melt down onto his own chair under the careful watch of his best friend.

Chapter Text

The first time he kind of wants the whole kissing-bussiness to happen, he is not only aware of the big picture; he is not only conscious of the enormity of the event; he is definitely playing the part of the damsel in distress on purpose. He is practically tricking a certain blonde guy into it, there is no other way to put it. A fourteen-year-old Atsushi is crying in En’s arms, ducking his head into the taller boy’s neck. The hotel room is pitch black, because the teachers are really strict about bedtime even if it is a school trip and they cannot risk to be caught by turning the lights on; therefore, when En deliberately turns on the small lamp on the bedside table, Atsushi’s whinings get even louder.

Stupid En-chan.

You’ll get yourself in trouble for me.

En strokes his hair gently. Atsushi curses all the gods because he can barely see anything through his own tears – plus he is not even wearing his glasses – yet he is sure that a worried En is a beautiful En.

« It was just a dream, Atsushi-chan. » En tries to comfort him.

« I am sorry. » he keeps muttering against En’s skin. « I am so sorry. I am such a pain in the neck. I am so embarassing. »

I am sorry.

I cannot let go of you. I just can’t.

« It was horrible. There was a monster in our school. »

And he attacked you.

« And I panicked. I just wanted to protect- » he swallows « -everyone. »

« Yeah, I can image that. You were trying your best to be the good guy, as usual, weren’t you? »

En cups Atsushi’s face with both hands and raises it to meet his own eyes. His best friend is a mess right now, yet he is the most adorable mess he has ever seen. He leans forward to kiss his forehead, right when Atsushi makes an attempt to get out of En’s embrace. Their lips meet for a brief moment, an awkard and unexpected contact, causing them both to jerk away. Atsushi’s heart skips a beat: a wave of shame, confused with pleasure and fear and dizzyness and god knows what else, suddenly comes over him.

« You’re the best friend in the world, En-chan. » he murmurs, feeling absurdly shy.

These safe words seem to put En at ease. The boy shrugs and gives him a lazy smile.

« Anytime. Let’s go back to sleep. »

It easier said than done. Atsushi curls up under his blanket: for what it feels like an eternity, he remains silent and still, with his eyes firmly shut, yet completely awake. The boy plays and replays the kiss – if that can be considered a kiss – in his mind until he gets an headache and still he cannot stop his brain from processing every photogramme over and over.

Atsushi’s head is officially ready to explode.

He feels he is on the verge of some big revelation – about himself and about En and about them. There is a small, secret part of himself that has always been aware of the special bond they share; after all, Atsushi knows that the way they live in symbiosis is not common, at least. Perhaps not even normal. Perhaps it is unhealthy, perhaps they have developed one of those co-dependent relationships like those two characters fro-

« Atsushi. »

En’s voice is soft and close.

« You’re not asleep. »

Atsushi’s body trembles as it registers a warm presence through the thick cover the boy has rolled himself in. En has climbed onto his bed, slow but determined as usual, and he is adjusting his position to fit in, until they are practically spooning. The bluenette is blushing scarlet.

« I figured you’d like some company. I mean, to sleep better. »

« S-sure. »

Atsushi gives himself a good ten seconds to panic; then, he remembers something essential: that’s En-chan. As simple as that. En does not expect him to say or to do anything. He is just there because Atsushi needs him to.

« En-chan… »

« Mmm? »

« It’s cold. You should come under the blanket. »

The last thing Atsushi registers, before he dozes off, is lacing their fingers together against his own chest.

Chapter Text

The first kiss in public is the best. 

En-chan’s lips have their own unique taste, Atsushi cannot quite compare them to anything else. They taste even better, though, with a touch of fresh air and a sweet, lazy smile upon them. Atsushi is glowing and holding his (absolutely perfect) boyfriend's hand while they make their way to the Hakone's Bath. 

They are sickening, he knows that.

So what?

Two days before, they came out to En-chan's parents, who managed to embarrass Atsushi to death the way only in-laws are able to. The thought makes Atsushi's heart melt a little: they are a normal couple with normal embarrassing relatives. They seem to have a normal teeth-rooting effect on their friends. 

They had dinner at Atsushi's the evening before, something not out of the ordinary, and yet, something in his demeanour must have ticked his sister off, because she put up a feast, even for her standards - and with a guest like En's black hole of a stomach, she usually cooks for an army.

She even made En's favourite, curry

Atsushi barely touched any food - when he did, it was only vegetables and a mouthful of plain rice. He couldn't even smell the curry, as nervous as he felt - but that was a normal reaction, he thought, stress does this sort of thing. Not that he was actually worried about their second coming out - he couldn't fathom his family being anything but supportive, still, it must have been stress.  

His sister managed to look both mildly shocked and fairly supportive; above all, however, she was very concerned about Atsushi's lack of appetite. A second later, she was already bonding with her future brother-in-law over Atsushi's unhealthy food habits. Atsushi had sighed, exchanging a quick, resigned look with her sister's husband.

Their second trip out of the closet had run smoothly, too. Nevertheless, Atsushi's stomach felt it would have been extremely rude to change its mind and eat the curry, at this point. Or so Atsushi figured, since the sight alone was still enough to make him sick.

That’s barely an echo, now, while they walk with their fingers intertwined, not a care in the world (save for monsters and wombat-shaped aliens, of course) and a pleasant, reassuring feeling that things will only get better and better.

More better, someone might say.

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There is one last first kiss in Kinugawa Atsushi's record. It happens when nobody else but him imagines it could happen. It happens where everyone would expect it to happen, holy mother of clichés, even though Atsushi, who has never believed in clichés before, is not ready and lets his guard off. It happens with Kinshirou, therefore it makes perfect sense. 

Atsushi is truly happy. Yet, he misses Kin-chan, as usual, or perhaps a little more than the usual because today is their anniversary. 

It would be.

Only, there isn't a 'them' anymore, their freinship long gone since the silver-haired boy decided to cut him off without an explanation. The bluenette walks pasts the Council's office, wondering whether Kinshirou would be inside, filling up papers that could wait until tomorrow just to have an excuse for being alone. Maybe, Atsushi mumbles within himself, Kin-chan is outside having the time of his life with his new friends. Maybe it's just him, little Atsushi, the princess who couldn't take a step without holding on to his knight's hand - maybe I'm the one who's been pining over him all these years

He doesn't knock.

And not because he lacks in good manners, simply because he's not doing this, hell no, there's no chance this could be happening. Right?

He does not stare at Kinshirou for a good deal of time, still and silent, until the President raises an eyebrow, sensing someone else's presence, then lifts his gaze from the papers and just panics. He doesn't, because he's most definitely not even there.

Atsushi can hear his mind going blank - can he and is it really Kinshirou's?

The boys study each other's face in perfect silence, their muscle tensing, their heartbeats accelerating. Here they are. The princess finally climbed onto the knight's fortress. The knight had already lost any hope the princess would come.

In the space of a second, Atsushi has been pinned against the desk, with Kinshirou on top of him. They fumble at each other's clothes. Kinshirou crashes his lips against Atsushi's, almost forcing his way into the bluenette's mouth. Atsushi bites him in reply, but plays along with the kiss.

This is too good to be true.

He does not think of anything in particular when he lets one of Kinshirou' pale, slender fingers slide between his tights. He has already lost the ability of any coherent thought, therefore he simply gives in to him - first to his hand, unexpectedly skilful, then to his demanding erection, when Kinshirou very ungraciously spread Atsushi’s legs further open and set himself in between. It's easy and rushed and exciting - yet, somehow, familiar, even though it is the first time they are together like this.

And if his heartbeat means anything, Atsushi can tell it won’t be the last. 

« At-chan... » Kinshirou breathes into his neck. 

Atsushi groans at the tingling sensation and the neediness in his friend's voice, so unlike him. And from there, it doesn't take much more.


Both spent and panting, the boys rest for a couple of minutes, until their heartbeats are stable and their minds are starting to clear. Kinshirou adjusts himself, so that he is able to press his cheek against Atsushi's chest. He curls up, exhausted and defenceless.

« I miss you, At-chan. I miss you so much. »

The bluenette absent-mindedly strokes his silver hair. 

« I know. I know how it feels. »

I’ve missed you, too, and for just as long, remember?

Atsushi tries to convery his feelings with one of his soft smile, and yet, Kinshiro appears more anxious than ever. He is biting his lower lip and can barely look at Atsushi.

 « Do you love him? »

That is not what Atsushi has expected; par of him feels almost offended, so he deliberately ignores the question.

Of course, I do.

I love him more than I could possibly explain, even to myself.

« Do you love me? » Ki-chan tries again.

« Of course I do. I've loved you since the day we met. I've always loved you. »

This seems to put Kinshirou’s mind at peace, because he finally – finally – smiles back at him, his eyes filled with so much joy Atsushi can’t look away.

« I love you, too. » he murmurs.

Kinshirou leans up and presses a firm kiss on his mouth, that Atsushi promptly returns it. And if it is supposed to have a bitter taste, it either doesn’t, or Atsushi has deveolped an unxpected taste for bitterness.

Ryuu was right, Atsushi finds himself sighing, being a princess is no game. It is not something you can do light-heartedly. It is not supposed to play out like this – with the polite, reliable blue-haired kid, the good one, with no friends but his big books without pictures sitting in his high castle and, all of a sudden, a sparkling silver knight coming out of nowhere, offering his hand. It is so easy, for once, to let them play the hero for you. For once, for that single, insignificant moment, you can take a break from being the good guy.

Until it gets out of control.

Until you end up sprawled on a desk, eyes heavy with tears of guilt and mouth full of lovingly moans, while your former best friend is jerking you off. It isn't your fault, or his, it's nobody's fault and it was meant to happen, sooner or later. This is what princesses do, after all - they smile and tease and blush until the poor, hopeless knights are under their thumb and they are willing to do anything for their love.

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Ryuu has been lamenting the lack of ‘juicy talk’ for at least half a day now, and even Yumoto – usually uninterested in what he consideres ‘boring talk for the grown-ups’ – is starting to pick up that perhaps it isn’t so boring, after all. He does express his raising interest by stating that he loves juice, which sounds horrifyingly like a double meaning placed in the context of Ryuu’s unstoppable innuendos, so Io takes charge of the situation and declares that fine, they’ll have some quality gossip time, but Ryuu can only ask one question each.

Ryuu ends up quite disappointed. 

Between the questions he knows the answers to first hand (and Io hardly ever blushes anyway), the general lack of enthusiasm coming from En, and Atsushi’s boring, polite honesty, there’s isn’t anything that juicy. Yumoto doesn’t count, being so young, and if he did have something to talk about, well, that’s one gossip Ryuu would gladly skip over.

« Uhm, Ryuu. » Atsushi asks him quietly, while the others have already taken up their usual spots in the sauna « Can I ask you something about kissing? »

« Of course! You know I am an expert. » Ryuu cheers up immediately.

« Does it count as one kiss if there are, uhm, more people involved? Or is it two kisses? »

«  What. » Ryuu bursts into laughter « Like, kissing two people at the same time? I have no idea, but don't worry, I doubt you’ll ever come across such a problem. »

For a moment, Atsushi gets lost in the memory of the last time they went stargazing. It isn't an activity they often undertake all together, dragging En-chan out of his bed after dawn is more like an epic quest. But Atsushi used his best puppy eyes, plus, stargazing is one of the few things that makes Kin-chan really excited and not even En can resist his flushed cheeks and sparkling eyes. Atsushi’s face is still sore from smiling too much, and he’s pretty sure there’s a permanent shape in the grass that looks like the three of them cuddling close, because they stayed there for hours.

That time, he must have made an especially cute face at some point, because both his boyfriends leaned down to kiss him at the same time. It did not work out particularly well, and yet, that did not stop them from bursting into laughter and trying again and again.

Atsushi grins to himself.

He is not quite sure how to call that one kiss yet, but he has no doubt there will be many more to follow.