Chapter Text
The mouse arrow shivers on the screen because your hand is shaking.
For three years, 'carcinoGeneticist' has been a gray ghost in your chumroll. Seven hours ago, the golden ship dropped back into normal space, and one by one the names began to light up. But no Karkat. All you can get out of Dave Prime is that Karkat is okay and knows everyone can talk again. He's just 'busy'.
Busy. It hurts. You thought you were friends. And considering some of the things the others have been telling you... well, you really would've liked to hear it from him, that's all.
But thirty seconds ago 'carcinoGeneticist' came online, and now your mouse hand is trembling like you've overdosed on caffeine. Of course you're going to click it. Of course! But what will you say? The cheery greetings you'd planned before that inexplicable silence sound strange in your head now.
Around the one-minute mark, he takes the initiative.
CG: Thanks for the bucket.
You burst out laughing, tension draining away. That's the last thing you expected to read.
EB: haha, sorry about that! i forgot you guys have that thing about buckets until after jade already threw it!
CG: You cannot be fucking serious. I spent a sweep and a half talking myself into congratulating you for what I was certain was the crowning prank of your desolate comedy career, and you didn't even intend the joke?
EB: what happened to the allcaps?
CG: It was ridiculous. I stopped.
EB: you just... stopped? i thought all you guys had to have typing quirks, like it was a rule or something.
CG: This is not how I pictured this conversation going.
EB: me neither, honestly.
EB: i guess i kinda forgot how awkward we used to get.
CG: 'Awkward' is the emotional sewer in which I swim these nights, thanks to the hormonally overclocked moron parade I share this asteroid with, and I thought I'd grown inured to it, but somehow I find your particular brand of dumbassitude inexplicably refreshing.
CG: By which I mean, I'm glad to hear from you again.
EB: oh hell yes, me too.
EB: i mean jeez.
EB: karkat, i missed the fuck out of you!
CG: I missed you too. There, I admitted it.
EB: haha, was someone twisting your arm?
CG: Gamzee has me so moirail-whipped he only has to look at me sideways and I start puking friendship radiation all over myself. It's disgusting.
EB: well, tell him thanks from me!
CG: Not a chance.
EB: look, can i ask you something?
CG: No.
You were this close to backing out of asking, but at this your resistance vanishes and suddenly you're all for it. Wow, you forgot how he used to shake you up, make you surprise yourself, keep you honest. It is so good to talk to him again.
EB: too bad, i'm going to anyway, so there!
EB: why did it take you so long to come online? it's like you didn't want to talk to me or something.
CG: I was kidding, genius. Of course you can ask me anything --
CG: Oh for crying out loud.
CG: Still an idiot, I see.
CG: Since Sollux jumped ship, I'm the closest thing we have to a system administrator. Sending data over such ludicrous distances between two objects moving at such ridiculous speeds is not a trivial computing problem.
EB: oh!
EB: but dave prime was talking to me like five minutes after we dropped into normal space.
CG: Did the conversation seem a little scrambled to you?
EB: we had some connection glitches, yeah...
CG: Because the server was dropping packets like a slimefish lusus in a wet redfruit tree. I've been banging my head against the system ever since. And frankly I kind of suck at it.
EB: you can't suck THAT bad, karkat. it seems mostly stable now!
CG: Thank you for that faint praise, fucknub.
EB: hee! you're welcome!
CG: If only I didn't have to wait three more weeks to find out if your giggle is even more irritating in person.
EB: i assure you, it is! i can send you an audio file if you really want.
CG: No, you can't. No video either. The timing ends up scrambled and I haven't figured out why yet. Text and still pics, that's all we can do right now.
EB: that gives me an idea! hang on a second.
You snap a webcam pic. Then you delete it. It's totally unacceptable! You dash into your bathroom to wash and dry your face, fix your hair, and try out a few expressions in the mirror. Maybe you should bring your computer in here to take the picture, the light's so much better. The light at your desk makes you look greasy and pasty. God, why didn't you cut your hair when you had time? It's shaggy and horrible now, it's not the cute kind of moppy, it's practically seventies cop hair, all you need are mutton chop sideburns and a mustache. Not that you can grow those yet -- oh fuck, the dark fuzz on your upper lip looks like dirt or something, and your experiments with shaving have so far led to more bloodshed than success, so it's not a great time for another attempt --
Time. Right. Karkat is sitting on the other end of that unstable communication line, and you no longer know him well enough to guess whether he'll wait for you.
The picture you send him isn't as terrible as the first one; at least you're not shiny. You're still way too pale, though, and your hair looks like -- well, you should've cut it, that's all.
Seconds tick past. Did he get tired of waiting and wander off?
EB: karkat? did you get the picture?
EB: hello....?
EB: ..............................?
He goes idle.
You look at the picture again. Oh shit. You have a zit on your cheek. It's so obvious. How did you not see it before? You should've photoshopped it out. But that would've been pretty obvious too, and way more pathetic than leaving it in, right? Maybe Karkat won't know what it is. Do trolls get zits?
You switch windows. Dave will help you chill out, he always does. You mean Davesprite. Gotta get used to calling him that again now that Dave Prime is back in your life.
EB: dude, i just sent karkat a webcam pic and now he's not answering.
EB: is that some kind of deadly insult to trolls or something?
FA: who knows man reunions are awkward as fuck
FA: i changed my handle to featheryasshole to avoid confusion and now other me is ripping me a new one
FA: all like were both dave and since when do daves slag themselves down or whatever
FA: im like
FA: since its funny
FA: what happened to you on that rock man
FA: is it roid rage
EB: cute.
FA: john he didnt get it
EB: !
FA: i know right
EB: you tell him about the nose piercing yet?
FA: its all for naught if he lost his sense of humor maybe i should just take it out i mean fuck this is disturbing as shit
FA: all jade will say is itll be okay youll see
FA: plus shout poles and smiles galore of course
FA: is that in the girlfriend handbook or something be uselessly reassuring at all times even when your loverbird is busting an aneurysm over genuine real fucked up shit
FA: cuz it kinda stifles dialogue
EB: shoulda stuck with me, man. i tell it like it is.
FA: dont start in on me now that was only for science and also werent you just being insecure over karkat not appreciating your greasy unshaven mug enough
EB: enough? try at all! or even replying! he's been gone fifteen minutes now!
FA: oh woe fifteen minutes god forbid he have to take a leak
EB: i know, i'm just being a moron.
FA: correct
EB: oh, he's back!
FA: go get im tiger
EB: shut up, cheeto face. <>
FA: i bet were gonna catch hell for using those now its probably racist for humans to call quadrants but whatevs who gives a fuck here you go <>
EB: haha i know, i reread karkat's explanation of quadrants ten million times but i'm still pretty sure i'm missing something.
FA: didnt he come back why are you still talking to me
EB: he's not saying anything, he just un-idled.
EB: waitasec, file transfer incoming!
FA: tell me its a myspace emo mirror shot thatd be too perfect
EB: i don't know yet. this network is so fucking slow.
FA: well we are still going a significant fraction of the speed of light thats gotta mess with the bandwidth
EB: ...
FA: what
EB: holy shit.
FA: what
EB: oh my god.
FA: what already
FA: fine asshole tell me when youre done flipping out i have an otherself to argue with anyway
You can't be bothered to look away from the picture Karkat sent you long enough to answer.
He's not even trying to look cool or sexy or badass. He's just staring straight into the camera with a vaguely irritated expression. Despite that -- or because of it? -- he's got the most amazing face you've ever seen. Your mind scrambles in vain for words to apply. Not handsome, pretty, cute, nothing like that; too bony, pointy chin and pointy nose and eyes so deep-set he looks a bit ill, eyebrows too heavy and lips too full for all that pointiness, strange... but intense. Compelling. Transfixing.
You only caught the briefest glance three years ago, and the impression you got then was of a waifish little sad gray elf. The blunt red-orange horns, you were expecting. The yellow scleras, you either didn't know about or forgot. But you're damn sure his irises weren't fiery stoplight red. Its hard to look away from them, and when you do manage, you don't get any farther than his knife jaw or swollen-looking dark-gray lips or the chaotic tumble of his hair before the red pulls you back.
Jesus, he's blinding.
The only thing that can get you to page away from that image, it turns out, is Karkat finally messaging you back.
CG: Having wasted far too long being a massive coward, I'm now back to fess up and take my medicine. And yes, I thanked Gamzee for you, though you'll probably want to take it back in a minute here.
CG: I haven't forgotten about your human mutation where you can only feel mating fondness for girls, so don't think I'm hitting on you. This is just a simple compliment, okay?
CG: You grew up cute.
CG: Oh fine. My shambling landfill of a moirail insists that I put back the word I backspaced. You grew up gorgeous.
EB: what,
EB: n
EB: why would
You take your hands off the keyboard before you can drop any more incriminating sentence fragments. He has to be joking. Right? But that would be such a mean joke, and Karkat's surly and sarcastic but he's not mean. Or at least he wasn't when you knew him before. For a few short days. Shit, he has to be joking.
CG: There's no need to flip your shit, Egbert. I told you I'm not hitting on you.
CG: Just say 'thanks' and move on.
EB: are you joking or not?
CG: About what?
EB: gosh, you've really flustered me! if you were kidding you can say so, you totally got me.
CG: Kidding about WHAT, for fuck's sake?
CG: Oh.
CG: God, no. I cannot deal with you of all people blathering self-deprecation and fishing for reassurance.
CG: I'm not going to repeat myself, so deal with it.
He meant it. Wow, your face must be like a tomato right now, with how hot it feels. Maybe trolls have different aesthetic standards or something? Because you're pretty sure you look like a huge dork. But he's right, fishing for reassurance is not cool.
EB: then... thank you!
EB: you're
EB: well, i can't find the right word...
CG: Don't bother. It was my opinion, not a demand for reciprocation.
EB: hush, this is important! i just don't have the vocabulary!
EB: you already used gorgeous and i don't want to sound like i'm just echoing, plus it's not exactly
EB: okay, the thing is
EB: i couldn't stop looking, and when i was looking i kind of couldn't breathe very well
EB: and now i have your picture tucked under a bunch of windows because otherwise your eyes kind of
EB: jesus karkat you're like a bullet to the head okay?
CG: ...
CG: I honestly cannot tell whether that's a compliment or not.
EB: it is!
EB: and you can totally hit on me if you want to.
EB: turns out i wasn't quite right about the heterosexual thing.
CG: Oh.
EB: um, but you probably have all kinds of quadrants already, huh?
EB: this has definitely gone past awkward and is diving nose-down for mortifying.
EB: and if i hadn't been wondering for three years if we'd still be friends when we met again and
EB: i guess
EB: for at least a year now if maybe more than friends was an option
EB: okay maybe longer than that but don't tell dave i was thinking about it while we were still messing around because i think he took it more seriously than i did
EB: davesprite i mean
EB: anyway what i'm getting at is i wish i had the option of acting like a kid right now and pretending i didn't say anything, but it has been way too fucking long and
EB: god, how much time will we have between docking with the asteroid and fighting noir? and how many of us are going to survive that fight?
EB: so yeah. cards on the table.
EB: karkat, will you go out with me?
You slump back in your chair with an explosive sigh, shoving your hands through your hair. You can't believe you said it. Holy shit, you really said that. God, it's taking him a long time to reply. Of course, when someone drops a bomb like that, you suppose anyone would want to think it over. Anyone but you, anyway. When Dave suggested your experimentation phase, you immediately shrugged and said sure, why not. And when he told you he was having messy romance feelings for Jade and would therefore have to stop fooling around with you, you instantly clapped him on the back and wished him luck. That's the sum total of your romantic experience right there. It's probably not typical.
After five interminable minutes, you can't stand it anymore. You have to press for an answer.
EB: karkat?
EB: please don't leave me hanging.
CG: I'm trying to figure out what you're asking, but none of these self-satisfied shitdippers will fucking EXPLAIN anything. So I guess I just have to swallow the tattered rag that used to be my pride and admit my stupid ignorance.
CG: Neither of us can go out of anything, Egbert.
CG: I assume you're not asking me to become a blood slushie in the cold vacuum of space.
CG: It looked like a romantic solicitation of some kind, but WHAT kind? I'm really trying not to flip out on you for confusing me like this but
CG: Look, just explain.
EB: um. the human kind?
EB: didn't dave and rose explain human romance at all?
CG: Strider and Lalonde have adapted to the quadrant system. I thought you knew that.
EB: no way. seriously? rose told me she's dating kanaya, but she didn't use the troll word for it. and i don't even know for sure if dave is dating terezi. he's cagey.
CG: Not only is Strider Terezi's matesprit, he's also Gamzee's kismesis.
EB: oh my god, that's awesome. i'm going to give him so much shit about that.
CG: He also refers to Lalonde as his moirail sometimes, but he seems to use moirail and sister interchangeably, so I suspect he has no damn clue what he means.
CG: Gamzee tells me he's pretty satisfactory at blackrom though.
CG: Shut your fangs, assclown, that's fair play after you made me type 'gorgeous'.
EB: is he reading over your shoulder? i'm not sure how i feel about that.
CG: No, he just demands an explanation whenever I start to hyperventilate.
CG: Enough dithering. Just answer my question.
EB: i don't know if i can! i sure don't hate you, but isn't the heart quadrant based on pity?
EB: i don't feel sorry for you, i think you're awesome. i always thought you were pretty cool and you obviously only got better.
EB: i mean, i do sympathize with your troubles, if that's what red pity means? i don't understand it, i'm sorry!
EB: oh god, i'm fucking this up completely, aren't i.
CG: No... not really.
CG: So you're saying you sympathize with me, and you also find me
CG: attractive, shit this is embarrassing, I have never had so much trouble typing in my life.
EB: me neither, for what it's worth.
EB: the backspaces, they are flying like neutrinos up in here, you don't even know.
EB: but yes. so fucking attractive.
EB: ugh, how do i type with my hands over my face.
CG: Stop being adorable, it's making it hard as hell to think clearly about this shit.
EB: well, there's your problem right there. NOBODY can think clearly about this shit. :D
CG: You have a point.
CG: Fuck, who am I kidding. Even if we're talking about totally different emotions I still want to try it.
EB: awesome.
EB: sloppy makeouts and all?
CG: In public. I owe these jackwipes some payback.
EB: haha, that sounds like there's a funny story or two you could tell me...
CG: Where do I even fucking begin.