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Shreds of Humanity

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He feels cold. So bloody cold. Like she is - now, lying there speared. And he - he hadn't even been able to see her face. She’d been dying and she'd told him she loved him and he hadn't been able to see her fucking face. She'd died for him. How was that fair? Why was he, the one who was supposed to save them all the one who lost the most? It was wrong and twisted and cruel - maybe he was selfish. Selfish for being caught up in his own emotions, for daring to choose the woman he loves over people he hardly knew. It hadn't made a difference in the end. But it seemed stupid to be angry at him for the one, the one single thing that had made him feel human and the fact he'd chose that - chose her over everything else. He was supposed to be some sort of messiah, the one and he'd be damned if that wasn't what half of Zion saw him as. More than that. Looked to him like he was some sort of godlike figure, whilst others waited for him to fight and win the war. And the people who left offerings outside Trin's place thinking he could save them from their existence. He could never be fully human with them. Even Morpheus, who was so deep in his beliefs - to admit he was scared to him seemed like a betrayal. But then there was Trinity and she had been everything. She was human and warm - for ages, he'd fought the fact he felt like he was becoming a machine and was terrified, but the minute she came remotely near he felt warm again. And human again. She made him whole, every single time. The touch of her hand against his, the kiss of her lips, being curled up with her. He thinks of the one day, on his first trip back to Zion when it had all gotten too much for him and they’d just spent the day in her small apartment, wrapped up in one and other. Those moments, moments like that were when he'd never felt wholer. But they'd always been tinted by a sense of desperation like they both knew, they didn't know when they'd next get the chance and there was never just enough time. But she knew him intricately and he'd felt at home with her. And now she was gone. Because she'd trusted him. Because dare he say it, she'd loved him. And some small part of him wishes she'd hated him so she hadn't been lost. But it doesn't matter now. Now she's gone. And he is cold now. He was never supposed to be human. Trinity was his humanity, his caring. He has nothing left to live for, not Zion, nothing. It's funny how now he knows exactly what he needs to do. He's not scared, not anymore. He thinks about how he'd held Trin's hand until she could no longer hold him back - physically as the life had slipped from her body and metaphorically, her calm reassurance and presence that rationalised him gone. The machines had asked for this. They had taken her from him. They would pay. He is not human. Not in the slightest. He is so cold. And he will destroy them. 

He lies in the crater, the water soaking through his clothes and he knows he's nearly done now. Nearly made it to the final finish line. Nearly. So nearly. 

“Why do you persist?”, it's a funny question he reflects as he fights to get to his feet. And a good one - the one advantage he has over Smith is the fact he isn't persisting. Not anymore - the one reason he did is gone. 

“For love?” Oh, if only he knew as he monologued on. Somewhere, somewhere long ago, back at the start, there's her. Screaming his name in his ear to get him to wake up. And even further back there's three words in his computer screen. I'm never letting go. But he had, and he'd failed. But he persists for her - and because he wants to. Because he chooses to. He tells that Smith and he staggers to his feet. And he fights. 

“You were right. It was inevitable.” And he has him. In that moment, Smith has fallen so fast, so far. Hook, line and sinker. He wonders what Zion would think of him now - offering himself up so freely. 

“Hey messiah.”,arms slipping round his waist and a face nuzzling his neck. He smiles. 

Smith plunges his hand into his chest. 

“If I’m the messiah, does that make you Mary Magdalene?”

“Do you want to get yourself beaten up?” They both know in the real world she can physically best him at the minute. He laughs and turns away from the railing and the rest of Zion - how symbolic he thinks bitterly - to face her in her embrace. 

The silver/mercury liquid thing is running up his chest now, like the trace program all over again but this only leads to his death. 

He kisses her desperately, wrapping his arms around her whilst one her hands cups the back of his head. 

“I missed you.” he murmurs like it's some sort of sin. She smiles happily. 

"Oh yeah?”

It's got higher up his chest now and is creeping it's freezing tendrils up his throat. 

“So much. They kept talking and all I could think about was coming back to you.” He steals another kiss from her lips. 

“Well why don't you leave contemplating and come inside and show me just how much?” He grins and lets her take him inside, he’ll follow her. 

Wherever she goes. He knows his final thought now. Her. Trin. Trinity. The love of his life. It's over his chin now and he knows once he's turned he won't remember anything. So he smiles slightly and thinks one final thought. 

Wait up Trin. I think I’ll come join you now.