Work Header

Scum Villain Self-Saving System: Figure Skating Edition! Now on Bluray Disc and DVD

Chapter Text

System, am I guaranteed a job if I apply ? Surely, I get to have some side character privilege. I don’t need a golden finger, but surely, making me get rejected from this job is too embarrassing .


The plastic bench in front of the ‘Coaching Office’ was truly too uncomfortable. Or maybe he was too nervous. But in any case, Yuuri couldn’t seem to relax, which was bad, because he didn’t want to be a bundle of nerves when the interview finally started. 


The door to the office swung open, and a lady told him to come in. There was a desk at one end of the room, behind which a mediocre-looking guy sat. He was scrolling through his computer, looking like he was auditioning to play one of those office-character types who always looked dead inside and miserable, and Yuuri had to admit, he was doing a pretty good job. He didn’t look up when Yuuri entered, not even when Yuuri stood in front of his desk awkwardly, wondering if it would be polite to disturb such a stellar performance of Brain Dead Office Guy #401. 


The lady who had welcomed him in cleared her throat. Now, Brain Dead Office Guy #401 looked up. 


And then recognized Yuuri.


Yuuri saw the mental step back. It was rather satisfying, in the Yeah, I’m Katsuki Yuuri. Professional award-winning figure skater . And you are?


 Well, his name tag read Robert. Robert what, Yuuri didn’t know.


“Aren’t you Katsuki Yuuri?” 


Yuuri offered his hand. “Hi. I heard there’s a spot open for a part-time coach.”


Robert stood and shook it. It was a poor shake, all limp and sweaty. Yuuri resisted the urge to wipe his hand off. “Yes. Hi. Didn’t think someone like you would apply.” He gave Yuuri a quick onceover. Not so much discerning as it was disbelieving and nervous. Again, Yuuri tried not to feel too good about that. “Not to offend, Mr. Katsuki. But aren’t you a bit overqualified for this position? We’re really just teaching the basics here.”


Yuuri shrugged. “It’s not the money. I wanted to get a feel for what it’s like to be a coach.”


There was something like interest in Robert’s eyes. Oh, great. Yuuri hoped there wouldn’t be rumors cropping up all over that Katsuki Yuuri was going to retire soon to start coaching. That really wasn’t it, you random Rink Guy #21! This is all a part of my Mission. I just want some B-points! 


“Sit, please,” said Robert. “That something we can expect from you in the future? Coaching?”


“Ah,” Yuuri said. “Well, that’s what I want to find out, isn’t it?”


“Well, Mr. Katsuki,” said Robert. “To be honest, we are a small rink so we wouldn’t be able to pay you much.” 


“That’s all right,” Yuuri said. 


Robert scratched his head. There really wasn’t much more he could say, poor guy. Katsuki Yuuri wasn’t exactly the face of figure skating, but still, he was a face, at least. “May I take a look at your resume?” 


Yuuri slid it over the table. It was easy to see that he really was over-qualified. While Katsuki didn’t exactly win gold at every event, he wasn’t too bad either. After all, a too-pathetic villain wasn’t satisfying. Their downfall would be like a puny trip instead of the glorious tumble from high up.


His tumble now. His tumble that he hopefully could avoid. Firstly, by getting hired at this dinky rink by Robert, who had a dubious look on his face. 


“Well,” said Robert, finally, putting down the resume and sliding it back towards Yuuri. “I’ve made my terms clear. There’s really no reason why we can’t accept you if you accept them. Congratulations, Mr. Katsuki. You have the job. Welcome to the team.”


There was a chime from the System. 


[Congratulations! Side-quest completed! B-points: +50. Keep up the good work!]


Yuuri smiled. “I can’t wait to work with you, Mr. …?”


“Call me Robert,” said Robert. “Last name’s Buchanan.”


“Can’t wait to work with you, Robert,” said Yuuri. 


Robert smiled, but it looked slightly awkward. “Yeah. Welcome to the team, Mr. Katsuki. The rest of the coaches are out for lunch, so we can do introductions next time. You can set the time with Linda, that’s the lady who called you in, and work out a timetable with the other coaches.” 


“Sounds great.” Dimly, he registered that he had just gotten his first part-time job. Ah. Well, it couldn’t be that hard, right? 


Robert nodded. “Just right near the door,” he said, and Yuuri recognized the dismissal when he heard it. 


“Thank you for the opportunity, Robert,” he said. 


There was something inscrutable on Robert’s face, like he still couldn’t figure out why the hell Katsuki fucking Yuuri was applying for a position at this no-name slightly dinky rink. 


Yeah. That was fair. I would be too, Yuuri thought.


Well, Robert Buchanan would be wondering for a long time. 


“Pleasure’s all mine,” Robert said. “Have a good day, Mr. Katsuki.”

“I can’t believe you really got a coaching job, Yuuri. That’s pretty cool.”


Fresh out of the shower after practice, they were lying on Phichit’s bed, both as starfished as one could possibly be in a twin-sized occupied by two. Instead of answering, Yuuri wrapped his blanket around himself tighter like a cocoon and buried his face in his pillow.


“When do you start? Can I come visit?”


“No,” Yuuri said. “That’s embarrassing.”


“Why?” There was a shift in weight as Phichit presumably sat up. Then, the sound of the hamster cage swinging open. “Come on. I wouldn’t bother you.”


“I said,” Yuuri said, peeking his head out. “It’s embarrassing.”


“What have you got to be embarrassed about?” 


Because I’ll probably be a very bad teacher, now that I think about it . That was something Katsuki and he would have in common, at least. Granted, he had done quite well with the triplets, but now that he thought about it, there was something significantly different between teaching your friend’s kids with a random stranger’s. What if he got one of those nasty kids that would end up bullying him? He could be nasty back (and would probably be justified about it, considering Katsuki’s reputation), but he didn’t know if he had the heart to be. 


Ah, but thank goodness his OOC was unlocked. If it wasn’t, then he’d really have to bully a snotty 12-year-old kid, probably. Then he’d get fired due to unprofessionalism and all that, and where would he be? 


And speaking of OOC, what even was up with the whole getting part-time thing? Wasn’t that a bit too OOC? Was the System allowed to assign him OOC missions now that there was, technically, no more regulations to decide what was and wasn’t OOC?


This was confusing. They really should’ve given him a manual. 


“I think it’s admirable that you work part-time,” Phichit said. “I don’t know how you do it.”


“Haven’t done it yet,” Yuuri reminded him.


“Yeah, but you’ve had other jobs,” Phichit said. Huh? Yuuri looked at Phichit, who was focused on the wriggling hamster in his hand. “I didn’t want to ask, at first, and you really don’t have to answer, but what happened to your bookstore job?”


My bookstore what?


[Backstory unlocked: Katsuki Yuuri quit from his job at the bookstore after the old owner had gotten sick and died, leaving the bookstore to her daughter, who sold it to a new owner.]


Yuuri blinked. Katsuki Yuuri what ? hotSexysk8erBoi, you never mentioned this at all! 


[Flashback cutscene available. Proceed?]


Fuck, yes! Yuuri did the mental equivalent of slamming his fist on the big green button to accept. 


There was a disorienting moment, as his surroundings morphed, and Phichit and the room around him faded away into something that looked like the interior of a very old-looking and dinky bookstore. He couldn’t smell anything, but he imagined it probably smelled like books and mustiness.


Out of all the places Yuuri would’ve expected Katsuki Yuuri to work at, it wasn’t this. Not that he could imagine Katsuki actually working, but this was on another level altogether. System, you’re telling me that Katsuki Yuuri worked here under a boss and actually served customers? Are you kidding? Katsuki worked in retail ?




It was an old lady’s voice. Yuuri turned and almost went face-to-face with an old lady who was slightly taller than him. She looked Japanese, and sounded it too. She looked nice, with kind eyes and a small smile that made him feel sort of warm inside just from seeing it. Her black hair streaked with silver was held up in an elegant bun, decorated with a single, simple comb. 


“Marianne and I were thinking of watching your competition in New York,” she said. “Only if you’re comfortable, of course. But we would like to support you.” She patted his arm, and to Yuuri’s surprise, Katsuki seemed to be fine with the casual touch. More than fine. Comfortable . That was a more fitting description. “You work so hard.”


Yuuri felt Katsuki’s surprise. Slight hesitation. There was a touch of embarrassment when Katsuki said, “Ah, Ito-san. You guys really don’t have to.” Then, “It’s embarrassing.”


The old lady, Ito-san, smacked his arm lightly. “What have you got to be embarrassed about? And in front of us, too.”


Yuuri felt the bizarre feeling of his lips stretching into a small smile. Only, they didn’t. It was Katsuki’s lips. But it was also his. 


System, couldn’t you have set up a third-person POV instead? This was really too damn weird.


“It is embarrassing for me if you two go all the way to New York just to see me mess up,” Katsuki said. The smile, inexplicably, turned bigger. The shape of it, and the way his eyes went up at the corner - Yuuri couldn’t see his own face, but he knew what kind of expression he was making. Soft. Fond. Yuuri almost felt like a voyeur to the intimacy of their relationship. “You’d have gone to all that trouble just to watch me lose.”


Ah, don’t tell me Katsuki Yuuri was actually a softie, Yuuri thought. Katsuki, you big tsundere! If only you could display this bit of niceness at least a few times in the webnovel, then people wouldn’t have hated you this much! 


And I wouldn’t have had that hard of a time trying to convince people that you weren’t irredeemable! He grumbled to himself.


“There’s no losing,” Ito-san said. “Not in art. How many times have I told you that?” She raised her eyebrows. “As long as you enjoyed making it, doing it, then your art is good and your time has not been wasted. Boy, how many times do I need to repeat it?” 


Ah, Yuuri thought. So, is this why? Is this how Eros started? 


“Yes, Ito-san,” Katsuki said. “I remember. You two are more than welcome to watch if you want. It would be my honor to have you come see me skate.”


Ito-san nodded. “Good.” She patted his arm again. “We will.” 


“Tell me when you arrive,” Katsuki said. “So I can meet you at the venue and give you passes. I will do my best to make you and Marianne proud.”


The look the old lady gave him was soft. “Oh, Yuuri. You already have.”


It was touching. Tender. Again, Yuuri was struck by just how vulnerable Katsuki was right now. How likeable and human and ah – this really felt wrong! Yuuri thought. Like seeing a naked hermit crab. 


But before Yuuri could do anything, there was the telltale chime.


[Flashback cutscene ending. Hope you enjoyed the experience!]


Again, an almost nauseating transformation as the bookstore shifted back to his room in the blink of an eye. He was looking at Phichit again, who seemed to not have noticed anything wrong.


Yuuri stared. 


What had happened afterwards? He didn’t recall any mention of who had ended up on the podium at that particular Skate America because Victor hadn’t been assigned there. Chris had been there, though. He recalled Victor sighing that it was a shame that Chris was going for Skate America rather than Trophee de France, where he had been. 


Yuuri quickly grabbed his phone, and typing it down on the search engine, he scrolled down to find the results from that particular year. Skate America. Lake Placid. 




“What’s wrong, Yuuri?” Phichit said, having noticed his sudden flurry of activity. “Whatcha looking at?”


“I won at Lake Placid,” he said.


Phichit blinked at him before smiling. “Yeah, you did. Probably one of the best skates of your life. One of the best skates I’ve ever seen in my life.” He hummed. “That 10-point gap was really something else! Your boss from the bookstore and her wife came to watch, didn’t they?”


Yuuri nodded dumbly. “Yeah.”


“Man, the look on Coach’s face!” Phichit continued. “I’m glad I insisted on coming to watch you. God! Imagine if I’d missed it. I would’ve regretted that decision for the rest of my life, and that would’ve been on you, Yuuri!”


But he was barely paying attention to Phichit, too busy scrolling through his photo album to the date of the competition. Thankfully, that wasn’t so hard. Katsuki didn’t really have a lot of photos.


God, this feels wrong. Like I’m reading through someone’s diary, Yuuri thought. Katsuki, please don’t hate me.


Yuuri finally stopped when he found a picture of three figures, the middle one with his arms slung around the other two’s shoulders. It was Katsuki, smiling and looking the happiest Yuuri had ever seen him in a picture. There was a gold medal hanging around his neck. On one side was Ito-san, and on the other was another woman her age with wavy dark hair and a wide smile. That would be Marianne, Yuuri thought.


So they were dead. These two people who Katsuki Yuuri had cared about so much that he had given them the skate of his life were dead. He wondered who else Katsuki had had. He didn’t seem like someone who had allowed a lot of people into his heart. 


You poor guy, Yuuri thought. You stupid, stupid tsundere. If Katsuki had decided to keep his heart under heavier guard because of this… Wait, was that why Katsuki’s behaviour had gotten even more hostile at some point? He remembered thinking that the guy hadn’t been this hostile in the beginning, only for the dial to be turned all the way up. 


What’s with all the torture on this poor guy? Katsuki Yuuri probably was one of the most miserable motherfuckers in this whole webnovel. Ah, you stupid, hack author! Yuuri really wanted to beat him up to death.