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Scum Villain Self-Saving System: Figure Skating Edition! Now on Bluray Disc and DVD

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If Yuuri had to describe [Love On Ice], probably, the most accurate phrase would be that it was a burning dumpster fire.

Yes, [Love on Ice] was, and has been, admittedly, the top webnovel of the Internet almost immediately after its first chapter was published by its author, hotSexysk8erBoi. But, really, there’s no accounting for taste for these sorts of things. Not only did Love On Ice include an OP protagonist who every female character seemed to be horny for, but also, the story was three hundred and fifty one chapters and counting, with no logical, traceable plot anywhere, the barest hint of one in the first fifty chapters long abandoned in favor of fanservice. You could call a TV show beating a dead horse, but what if there was no horse in the first place?

Instead, everything revolved around the main male lead, Victor Nikiforov, who was the prodigy of the figure skating world. Victor Nikiforov, who seemed to have been born to skate, who always stood on the podium since his Junior debut, and then always on the highest spot of the podium since his Senior one. Charming, handsome, silver-haired Victor, who was loved by everyone and their parents, who never suffered any serious injuries, or even struggled with a jump more than necessary.

Yuuri would hate him, probably, if Victor wasn’t… well, Victor. Perfect Victor with his emotional baggage that was the loneliness that came from being so high up on the pedestal that both he and everyone else put him on. Victor and his emotional baggage that made him so very human that Yuuri ended up not quitting the novel, after all, because he wanted to keep reading about the guy and see him end up happy.

Yes, it didn’t make sense that Victor was Yuuri’s favorite fictional character while Love On Ice was his least favorite webnovel of all time, as his lengthy rants on the forum would give evidence to. But, really, you can’t choose who you love, right?

So even if Victor Nikiforov seemed to be joining way too many competitions than actually possible in a season, and spent too much time dating right and left with barely any allocated to training, and barely any actual law of logic seemed to work in the universe - well, Yuuri was reading so he could criticize all the ways hotSexysk8erBoi was failing his boy, okay! He couldn’t stand by seeing the one thing the author got right done so wrong. And there were so many wrongs, from a writing-perspective and from the figure-skating perspective! Like why were all the girls Victor slept with so terribly forgettable, and not one ever had a last name, existences forgotten almost right after they broke up? Or why was Mila Babicheva introduced so grandly when she hadn’t shown up in more than a handful of chapters since her first appearance, or why Yuri Plisetsky, who’s supposed to be the second coming of Victor Nikiforov to figure skating, was such a minor character despite his so-mentioned reputation? What was the importance of mentioning Victor’s parents when he was talking about inspiration for ‘Stammi Vicino’? So many unanswered questions that were never answered.

What was worse was that Love On Ice started a whole skating webnovel trend too. That was another can of worms Yuuri had unfortunately discovered, though didn’t care to open. One brain-rotting novel with too many plot holes and spineless side characters was enough, thank you. They couldn’t even salvage themselves by having anyone who could come close to Victor’s character. Lame!

“What the hell! Stupid author and his stupid writing!”

Yuuri didn’t curse much, but he thought this warranted the occasion. His cursor hovered over the close button in the corner of his screen, but he ended up opening a tab to the forum.

Okay, so last time he had gone a bit over the word limit ranting about yesterday’s chapter. But it really was hotSexysk8erBoi’s fault for writing such a terrible plot twist! Katsuki Yuuri, one of Victor’s smaller rivals, had been off’ed offscreen with barely one paragraph of explanation and just the meagre explanation of ‘career-stopping injury after attempting a quad axel’. Yuuri rather liked Katsuki! He was interesting. He was mean, and sharp, and bitter, mostly because he was always getting beaten by Victor. Which was unsurprising, because Victor was, after all, the protagonist, but also surprising, because Yuuri knows that theoretically, Katsuki had the skill set to give this male lead a run for his money. It was only because Katsuki had terrible nerves that he very rarely had a good, clean skate and always ended up a few points away from the podium.

It was sad, actually. Yuuri thought Katsuki had the makings of an excellent future protagonist - in fact, was rather hoping for it with the little hints dropped here and there like breadcrumb pieces - but alas, all his hopes had been dashed in one fell swoop. This brainless author! He knew that a lot of the audience weren’t particularly fond of Katsuki (read: hate him with all their guts because he is, admittedly, very mean to Victor), but that was no reason to just kill him off with such disrespect. And now this bullshit! Today’s update, which had Victor apparently realizing that the love of his life was his childhood best friend all along, who had been mentioned at most thrice throughout the whole thing. It made no sense whatsoever!

You hack author, did you lose your last brain cell?

Just as his fingers were about to type in his latest rant, however, Yuuri felt his stomach seize. He felt suddenly sick, and the worst pain he had ever felt in his life lanced through his side. The room swayed.

Katsuki Yuuri deserved a better ending too, was Yuuri’s last thought, before his vision started to grow dark around the corner and he collapsed on his desk.