“Ooo, this place is nice! Don’t you think so Pip?” The Red Dragon Letty asked his adopted baby Hræsvelgr Eagle Pip (that was short for Piyovelt Phelpia Pi Alpine Piyoderika...for some reason). The small bird replied “CHEEEEEE!! BubeBIIIII!” with a smile on his face back at his dad.
Dearia, the Dark Lord Elf realtor, translated for Letty. “He says ‘This is great for the fiercest fire dragon on his conquest of the world.’ Well if you say so Pip.” Dearia let his fingers go to forehead and shook his head at Pip’s overestimation of Letty, despite Dearia thinking that he was stronger than he knew.
“Very well, shall we continue the tour? This castle is the former home of a wealthy royal family that had to evacuate for unknown reasons. It has a spacious interior, a moat, and is fortified by lookout towers on all sides. It might be a little on the cramped side for a dragon but as you can see by the knocked down wall on one side, it has room for expansion,” Dearia continued giving his realtor introduction of the property.
“W-Wait...they left for unknown reasons? Is it haunted!?! IS THERE WRAITHS AGAIN!?” Letty asked, already shaking and looking like he was going to pass out, at least for a dragon. “WHERE! WHERE IS THE GRAVEYARD!?” He looked around frantically while Pip hung on laughing.
“Calm down Letty. There is no graveyard....at least not one that was in the disclosure…” Dearia said, looking over his notes once again. “No, this castle was abandoned for other reasons...goblins attacked…” the elf said under his breath so that Letty could not understand. “What was that?” Letty asked. “Oh nothing, shall we carry on?”
“So we’re going to ignore the giant hole in the wall with all the destruction? Alright…” Letty said, walking on, mentally marking the castle on his no list. “Well what about heroes? I have to keep Pip safe, since you won’t be around forever unless you want to be.” “What was that?” Dearia asked. “Nothing! EEP!” Letty exclaimed.
“Well, to be honest, I can’t say that this location won’t have it’s fair share of heroes, though it would be a good way to practice your skills. It is an abandoned castle after all,” Dearia said as he showed the central court that had the wreckage of battle like it was a perfectly normal showing. “As you can see, there is plenty of loot to distract heroes and be able to pay for property. It is also centrally located to an abandoned kingdom if you wish to rule. And there’s a market around the mountain that is parent friendly. I’m sure it will be fine.”
As had always been the case during their adventures, voices approached in the distance. It was as if their house hunting triggered some RPG event, like it was some sort of boss event that always pointed to their location, no matter where they were on the game map. “Weird...did you hear something?” Letty asked.
The voices got closer, revealing that it was a large group of heroes, raiding the castle through the opening. It was led by a young heroic knight with dark blue hair and a scar on his left cheek and his 3 other companions. “Onward Heroes! For Glory!” the hero shouted, waving everyone onward. “LEEEEROOOYYYYY JENKINSSSS!” he screamed and then charged toward the entrance.
“Oh no, it’s heroes! They always ruin everything!” Letty screamed, freezing up like being spotted by the heroes was based on movement. Dearia sighed. “Oh bother. I think it’s time for a more creative handling of the situation. Stay here Letty, it won’t be a moment.”
Calmly, Dearia descended the stairs toward where the heroes were raiding the abandoned castle. “You know, you lot really are a nuisance and starting to interfere with my business. Perhaps you require a demonstration of a Demon Lord’s power?” Answering his own question, Dearia’s stomach let out a tremendous growl that could have been mistaken for a dragon’s roar if it wasn’t clearly the squelches of a stomach. He spied over the crowd that was now trembling in fear, spying the blue haired leader. “Oh yes, you’ll do nicely. Now everyone, today’s realty lesson is: Don’t mess with a realtor when they are showing a property. We work on commission, and I do not mean by percentage of body fat. Do not make me decide to do this to your comrades as well. Understood?”
With his magic, Dearia plucked the Blue Haired Hero out of the crowd and levitated him forward, then with a flick of his fingers, proceeded to strip him of his armor. “Not my gear! I just upgraded it after all that grinding!” Dearia rolled his eyes. “It won’t matter, besides it tastes terrible.” The hero looked down from the air at Dearia. “Wait, hold up. Taste?”
Then without another word and in front of the other raiding heroes, Dearia opened his mouth wide and the shouts of complaints and sudden negotiations to retreat were cut off as he was lowered into darkness and into Dearia’s waiting maw. Dearia swallowed hard, as the man floated above and used gravity to aid his swallowing while the heroes dropped their weapons and stared at the elf devouring a hero. Thanks to the levitation magic, Dearia could eat hands free, and took the opportunity to remove his own outer cloak and top, leaving them at his waist and tied them around his hips. He kept on doing this like he was swallowing the hero like a popsicle, even letting him slip back out a few inches while he moved, but never letting his mouth lose grip on the hero. The sounds of his sucking and swallowing along with removing his clothing in front of everyone was all that could be heard, along with Dearia emitting sounds that he approved of the taste.
Finally disrobed, Dearia proceeded to finish the job and send the rest of the hero down to his stomach, swelling it out in front of everyone, to make it very clear this was no magic or bag of holding, it was a demon lord eating a hero and sending them to their doom. Soon the hero was completely swallowed and struggling in Dearia’s bloated belly. He belched into his fist as his engorged gut struggled. “Come now, manners,” he said, as he accidentally burped up a scrap of the hero’s clothing. Blushing a bit, he used the offending cloth and dabbed the sides of his mouth like a napkin after a polite meal. He put his hands on his hips and looked disapprovingly at his squirming stomach. “Now don’t complain too much now. You wouldn’t be in this mess if you didn’t go attacking every dungeon willy nilly. You have no one to blame but yourself.” Then looking up at the rest of invading heroes, he addressed them. “Ooff pardon me... *hic*...Now. Unless you want to help me experiment on how many heroes a demon lord can devour while I decide which one of you tastes best, I advise that you leave the premises immediately. Do I make myself crystal clear?” Dearia asked, while patting his bloated belly for added effect.
The soldiers stood there in shock that one of their own was eaten so easily and by one their same size. Dearia scowled that they hadn’t left yet, so he purposefully clenched his stomach and let out a belch. “My my, I think a wizard would be a nice dessert. Don’t you think?” he said, taking two steps forward with his belly jutting out. That was finally enough to knock them out of their stupor and the throng of heroes screamed in retreat. “That’s better. Now, how about you and me finish our tour,” Dearia said to his new stomach guest as he turned and waddled back up to the court.
Letty came rushing back over to Dearia once he entered the central court. “Dearia! Are you okay?” Then Letty spied Dearia’s bloated and moving stomach. “D-Dearia, what did you do with that hero that attacked a second ago.” Pip was making all sorts of noise as if he was explaining exactly what had happened but no one was paying attention.
“No reason to...urp…” Dearia started to explain but paused for a soft burp. “...concern yourself Letty. They cannot harm you where they are now.” Letty’s face returned to a shade of white when he realized what Dearia had done. “Ulp! Y-you didn’t...did you?” he asked.
Dearia chose to ignore his stomach and Letty like nothing was wrong. “...Now about the foundations of this house. You’ll see it’s solid with no degradation and should withstand your walking around…” Dearia stopped when he noticed that Letty wasn’t following him.
Dearia shrugged. “It’s not a problem, trust me. I could eat more if you like? The only problem is indigestion and any trace they may leave on my figure. I never seem to work them all off in time. Now should we finish the tour before he respawns and I have to eat again?”
Letty frowned, definitely marking this place off of his list. He looked down at the bloated Dearia as he waddled next to him. “Say Dearia? Just how much do you think you can eat anyway?” “An army,” Dearia responded, rubbing his belly softly. “A what?!” “Huh? Did you say something?” Dearia smiled, trying to ignore Letty and finishing the tour while his belly gurgled on.