Jude can’t keep his mouth off me. I’ve been completely topless for several minutes now but he hasn’t stopped kissing me long enough to get a good look. His plump lips whisper against every centimeter of my exposed skin, suckling at sensitive junctures, too gently to leave a mark but always in hidden, private places nonetheless. He groans in delight when his mouth finds my breasts, and I do the same when he laves his hot tongue over a nipple.
Is this how it feels to be a goddess? To be worshipped? You’d think my skin was magnetized from the way his lips are drawn to it, and the thought, it just… God. My heart is thundering, and I’m soaked and throbbing between the legs. I feel like I’m as ready as I’ll ever be for whatever Jude has planned, until he kisses below my belly button and his hands join in at the waistband of my pants and suddenly my stomach flips and I feel an unwelcome onset of panic.
“Jude – Jude, wait,” I say.
He manages to tear himself away long enough to speak. “What is it, Ashlynn?”
“What – what is your experience with this kind of thing, exactly?”
Hearing the nerves in my voice, Jude quickly pushes himself up onto his knees. “Oh, um…” He wipes his mouth with his thumb as he thinks. “A few drunk one-night stands.” His gaze flickers to meet mine. “But I swear, I didn’t feel about any of them the way I feel about you.” He places a hand on my cheek and I nuzzle into it. That isn’t what I’m worried about though – I have no reason to doubt that he loves me.
It must read on my face that I’m not reassured because Jude retracts his hand and adds, “Why? What’s your experience been?”
I close my eyes, embarrassed. “We’ve passed it.” A chaste kiss here and there. Reading Mom’s romance novels and touching myself to the thought of them when I’m alone. That’s the extent of what I’ve done, and knowing now that I’m with someone more experienced, I feel tense all over – especially in places where it’s very inconvenient to be tense at a time like this.
“Gotcha,” says Jude. “Hard to meet men while you’re dealing with everything up there, I guess.” That was never a problem for my mother. I would actually chalk it up to my own awkwardness, but I don’t say that. Jude lies down on his side next to me and I turn to look at him. “So… are you nervous? Scared?”
He smiles sadly and brushes hair away from my eyes before resting his arm on my shoulder. “Are you sure you want to do this tonight? Because if I’m rushing you –”
“I want this, Jude. I promise.” His bare chest is pressed up against mine and it’s impossible not to want more of this skin-on-skin contact. I feel like this is the final step towards fully unravelling the enigma that is Jude Myers. “I’m just…” I can’t find the right word so I use one of his. “…nervous.”
Jude smirks, and like his lips have gone too long without touching me, he kisses me. It’s less sensual than the night’s previous kisses have been; it’s tender. It’s comforting. I melt into it, relaxing against him and tilting my head, slowly allowing the kiss to get deeper and more passionate. I part my lips and he accepts the invitation, teasing his tongue against mine in a way that makes the buzzing between my legs return. I can’t help but squirm, and inadvertently I brush up against an unmistakable hardness in Jude’s pants. He groans into my mouth at the touch, and while it’s certainly exciting, it’s also a clear reminder of exactly what is about to happen. I stiffen in his arms and he immediately notices. He sucks once more at my bottom lip, in an oddly apologetic fashion, then pulls away and whispers in my ear:
“Hey, I sort of wanted to do this anyway, but, uh, I think I know the perfect way to calm your nerves first.”
“Yeah.” The silky tone of his voice makes it clear he’s not talking about a nice cup of tea. He pulls back from me and, with a lascivious smile, motions with his head to the outside of the bunk. “If you’ll let me get up for a second?”
I nod, not sure exactly what he has in mind but eager to find out. He climbs over me somewhat awkwardly so he can kneel at the side of the bed. His hands hover over the waistband of my pants with a question.
“Are you okay if I take these off now?” he asks, voice gentle now.
“I’m okay,” I answer. This tripped me up earlier, but now that he’s not directly on top of me I’m less apprehensive. It’s not like I’m embarrassed by how I look down there or anything.
Jude unbuttons my pants and slowly pulls them down my legs. Once they’re off, he turns his attention to my underwear. At first glance his eyes go wide and he runs his tongue over his lower lip. “Fuck, you’re wet.”
“Oh my god.” Have I soaked through my panties already? Shit, that actually is kind of embarrassing. My face gets hot and I cover it with my hands.
I hear Jude laugh. “No, no, it’s… fuck, it’s actually really hot.” His fingers hook under my panties and I gasp as my arousal is exposed to the cool air. “I can’t wait to taste it.”
Oh. So that’s what he wants to do. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, as his mouth is already on me again, leaving a smooch on my belly and then ghosting down to just above where my pubic hair begins. I’ve wondered a lot about oral sex. Would it really feel good? Or would it be gross? Could someone’s tongue be dexterous enough to recreate what I can do with my own fingers? I guess I’m about to find out.
“Could you put your foot on the floor? Or maybe you want to sit up for this. I wish you could just lie down and relax, but there’s not really a comfortable position to do this in with the bunks built into the wall.”
“You’d think they would have considered that when designing this place,” I joke shyly as I sit up.
Jude chuckles. “Right?” He’s nudged my legs apart and is kneeling between them, tantalizingly close. Before he does anything else, he wraps his arms around my waist and rests his forehead against me, just below my breasts. He somehow resists kissing me, instead just taking a moment to breathe me in and sigh. A gesture of tenderness. I try to reciprocate by putting a hand in his hair – god, it’s soft – but there’s no way it makes him feel nearly as adored as I do.
After a moment like this, Jude sits back. There’s a look of focus in his eyes that I usually only see when he’s tinkering with his electronics, and it’s zeroed in on the juncture of my legs. He pushes my thighs farther apart, then uses his fingers to spread me open.
It begins with a feather-light kiss to the very top of my slit, just above where I want him to be. I worry for a second that Jude is one of those guys the main characters in romance novels always complain about, the kind who can’t find a clit to save their lives. But then Jude drags his tongue across me, starting at my entrance, going up and ending with a flick of the tip of his tongue against my clit, small but deliberate and precise. I gasp as a spark of pleasure jolts through my body, and I feel Jude smirk against me.
He knows exactly what he’s doing.
He starts in earnest now, the reverent tongue that trailed my body finally having completed its pilgrimage. My clit is already incredibly sensitive from the arousal of just being near him, and my whimpers and moans are louder than they ever have been. I surprise myself; I’m quiet when I masturbate. But I’ve never had someone there with me to show my appreciation towards, and isn’t that what you’re supposed to do when someone is spelling out their prayers on your most intimate places – and I mean that literally. Is that the alphabet he’s tracing?
Jude makes it all the way to a triumphant and satisfying Z – there’s something about the diagonal lines in particular that sets my skin on fire – and gives his tongue a break. He pulls away for a breath and I whine in protest (though it is gratifying to see his face all flushed and wet). Moments later, he’s back on me, except this time, he closes his lips around my clit and begins to suck. I’m leaning back on my arms and nearly lose my balance as one hand reflexively shoots out to grip his hair. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, a whole new level of pleasure, and when after a couple minutes of this he starts to flick his tongue against me again, it’s not long before I’m coming with a shout.
The orgasm leaves me dizzy and breathless. I flop back onto the bed with a happy sigh; Jude helps me swing my legs back around, then climbs on top of me for a wet kiss. It’s weird to taste myself on his tongue, although not necessarily bad. It mingles with the taste of him in a way that’s quite intoxicating.
“Guess I did a good job,” he says when I pull away for air – even after coming down from my high, my breathing is still heavy.
My hands wander forwards and find the belt loops of his pants. My fingers hook into them and pull his hips towards me while my thumb toys with the button. “So good,” I pant, “that I think I have to pay you back.”
Jude grins and raises an eyebrow. He seems to catch my meaning but he teases me anyway. “Oh yeah? Pay me back how?”
A few minutes ago I would have been mortified to say it. But in a few minutes, a lot has changed. I’ve learned how incredible it feels when someone gets their mouth on you, and not just physically. It feels good to be desired, to be worshipped, to know that somebody is committed to your pleasure. And I want Jude to feel that good.
It comes out sounding more crass than seductive, but I say what I’m thinking. “Do you want me to suck your cock?”
The cock in question stirs beneath my fingers. Jude himself looks shocked, but after a few moments he smiles and rests his forehead on mine. “Fuck, Ashlynn…” he murmurs, then dips his head down to give me a kiss. “It’s so fucking sexy to hear you talk dirty in that pretty voice.” Another kiss. “That’s a really tempting offer. But…”
“There’s plenty of time for that in the future. Right now, I feel like if I don’t fuck you soon, I’ll go insane.” His hips roll forward as if to underscore his point. “Is that alright with you?”
I smile. “Totally alright.” It’s probably for the best – I’m not exactly experienced and I might have ended up disappointing him. Besides, I’m ready. I’m ready, I’m ready to be as close to him as I can be. Eagerly, I start to unbutton his jeans.
My mind is racing. Among my thoughts, between Wait, I’ve never seen a penis before. Is that really what they look like? and Will that even fit? Who cares, I just want it in me, I consider what Jude said about having plenty of time in the future. I’m not sure he’s right. There’s about to be an upheaval in Camden, and as anxious as I’ve been for the rebels to stick it to the mayor, it’s now occurring to me that I don’t know where any pieces will fall after that happens. It might get violent; either one of us might die or be displaced. Even if the transition of power is as peaceful as it possibly can be, Jude doesn’t support the rebels and he might not forgive me when he finds out I do. And that I’ve lied to him about it.
I’ve betrayed him. There’s no way the relationship survives this. The thought is really scary, and even if it’s just the grouchy pessimist in me talking, I feel a sense of foreboding.
“Okay, last chance,” Jude murmurs. He’s gotten himself into the necessary position. “Are you sure you’re ready?”
This time, I’m the one to pull him down for a desperate kiss, tangling my fingers in his hair. I hum “Mm-hm” against his lips and he understands and starts to push in. He breaks the kiss to curse but I quickly pull him back. It burns to be penetrated for the first time but even as I wince I don’t let his mouth leave mine. If our time together is limited, I don’t want to waste a second on unpleasantness that could be spent showing him exactly how I feel.
We kiss through all of it, and for several minutes after, stopping only so I can go to the bathroom to pee and clean up the sticky mess he’s made of me. I come back to Jude sprawled out on the bed, his eyes half-lidded and a grin on his swollen, kissed-out lips. Sex-drunk Jude, as it turns out, is not so different from whiskey-drunk Jude: drowsy, but happy and affectionate. He throws out his arms when he sees me approach and practically slurs, “C’mere…” I climb back into bed and he wraps his arms around me tight, spooning me. Before he falls asleep, he presses one more kiss to the back of my neck and whispers, vaguely, “Love you…”
I giggle as I relax into his arms. I don’t know how lucid he is or how much he means it, but it’s nice to hear. Though there was never any reason for him to say it out loud. He’s already proved he loves me a hundred times over tonight. Once for every kiss.