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The File: Dumb Texts Behind The Scenes

Chapter 29: husband shaped :)

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

percy’s bimbos

 

moonmoon: EVERY TIME I THINK HE CANT GET HOTTER

 

president lincoln: I WAS LITERALLY ON THE G R O U N D

 

president lincoln: THERE'S ‘PRESIDENT’ IN MY USERNAME MR JACKSON SIR WILL YOU YELL AT ME NEXT

 

Murphy’s law: LIKE JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THE BIG DICK ENERGY

 

The News(™): every time he shut down landry i opened up a new tab for wedding venues

 

avril lavigne: RT RT

 

avril lavigne: SHE JUST LIKE ME FR

 

nedleedle: yeah it was pretty hot

 

mindiana jones: ive literally never been more attracted to somebody

 

tungsten dioxide whats this: can you guys shut the fuck up please

 

moonmoon: literally never

 

Murphy’s law: not even after death

 

tungsten dioxide whats this: you know what

 

tungsten dioxide whats this: i didn't want to do this

 

tungsten dioxide whats this: but you savages leave me with no choice

 

avril lavigne: oh ?

 

avril lavigne: will peter finally show up in a bloodstained cape and put us all out of our thirsty, thirsty misery?

 

tungsten dioxide whats this: @spicey

 

mindiana jones: NO

 

avril lavigne: oh god

 

avril lavigne: cant decide if this is better or worse

 

mindiana jones: percy dont read up 

 

mindiana jones: please

 

spicey: yeah ok

 

murphy’s law: HE SPEAKS

 

spicey: sometimes

 

tungsten dioxide whats this: percy.

 

spicey: peter?

 

tungsten dioxide whats this: would you be interested in marrying seven science nerds? 

 

tungsten dioxide whats this: be honest. 

 

spicey: im sorry?

 

tungsten dioxide whats this: just answer the question

 

spicey: i am interested in marrying one (1) science nerd

 

moonmoon: oh god oh fuck we have to fight now

 

moonmoon: abe im sorry youre my biggest competition im coming for you first

 

president lincoln: i will obliterate you

 

The News(™): sally,,,,

 

The News(™): forgive me for what has to happen

 

avril lavigne: oh no

 

avril lavigne: i accept the fact that my deadly peanut allergy would make me an insufficient partner and will therefore be my demise. at least make me go with a reese's cup?

 

The News(™): you got it babygirl

 

spicey: what are you people talking about

 

murphy’s law: dont worry your pretty little head about it <3

 

spicey: ??????????

 

tungsten dioxide whats this: more importantly what are YOU talking about???

 

tungsten dioxide whats this: you want to marry one??? YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DIFFUSE THE SITUATION BY SAYING NO

 

spicey: WHAT SITUATION????

 

tungsten dioxide whats this: wait you dont

 

tungsten dioxide whats this: oh my god

 

tungsten dioxide whats this: WHO WERE YOU TALKING ABOUT

 

spicey: WHAT????

 

tungsten dioxide whats this: THIS

         spicey: i am interested in marrying one (1) science nerd

 

tungsten dioxide whats this: HOLY SHIT PLEASE DONT TELL ME YOU MEAN TONY

 

tungsten dioxide whats this: FUCKING SHIT PLEASE

 

tungsten dioxide whats this: I CANNOT HANDLE HAVING TWO FATHER FIGURES AT ONCE

 

spicey: of course i do not mean tony???

 

spicey: peter are you okay

 

tungsten dioxide whats this: NO

 

tungsten dioxide whats this: WHO WERE YOU TALKING ABOUT

 

spicey: my boyfriend???????

 

moonmoon: 

 

The News(™):

 

murphy’s law: 

 

avril lavigne: 

 

nedleedle:

 

mindiana jones:

 

president lincoln: ʸᵒᵘʳ ʷʰᵃᵗ

 

spicey: boyfriend

 

tungsten dioxide whats this: oh this worked out so much better than i could've hoped

 

murphy’s law: you

 

murphy’s law: you’re dating someone?

 

spicey: yeah!

 

spicey: :)

 

moonmoon: i want to be mad but i cant.,.,.,.he sounds so enthusiastic.,.,.,.

 

president lincoln: it was our mistake to assume a piece of ass like that would not have other suitors

 

avril lavigne: we were, devastatingly, too late

 

spicey: what?

 

tungsten dioxide whats this: forget that

 

tungsten dioxide whats this: who is this mysterious boyfriend??

 

spicey: here wait

 

spicey: hi peter

 

tungsten dioxide whats this: hewwo??

 

spicey: i have percy’s phone because he doesnt want to figure out how to do this

 

spicey: give me one second

 

[spicey has added James Barnes to the chat]

[spicey has changed James Barnes’s name to ‘terminator’]

 

nedleedle: DEADASS?

 

[spicey has left the chat]

 

The News(™): NOOOOOOO

 

terminator: he said you people were confusing

 

terminator: and scrolling upwards, i think i agree

 

murphy’s law: p l e a s e tell me that we havent been thirsting after the WINTER SOLDIERS BOYFRIEND

 

terminator: i hate to break it to but you most definitely have

 

moonmoon: oh lord he’s still scrolling

 

terminator: wow some of these are explicit

 

avril lavigne: tell my cats i love them

 

terminator: do you guys not have hobbies?

 

terminator: charles i dont even think the human body can move like that

 

murphy’s law: …..thinking back? I dont even know which message ive sent that got that response

 

murphy’s law: there are many options

 

nedleedle: hey cheer up

 

nedleedle: maybe we can get group tombstones

 

The News(™): all i ask of you sergeant barnes

 

The News(™): please dont get my blood on my moms new carpet

 

terminator: what?

 

terminator: jesus im not going to kill you guys

 

moonmoon: we literally have a groupchat dedicated to lusting over your boyfriend

 

tungsten dioxide whats this: remember the good old days when this was about ACDEC STUFF

 

mr president: ah, the dark ages

 

terminator: yeah and?

 

terminator: fr i would too

 

terminator: art is meant to be appreciated and all that

 

moonmoon: i-

 

avril lavigne: well hes not wrong but

 

avril lavigne: this just isnt how i expected this conversation to go

 

president lincoln: his JAWLINE looks like its carved from MARBLE

 

president lincoln: im so sorry i couldnt hold it in any longer

 

[terminator has changed their name to ‘terminator (percy simp)’]

 

terminator (percy simp): I KNOW RIGHT

 

moonmoon:

 

avril lavigne:

 

The News(™): WE GOT ANOTHER ONE BOYS

 

terminator (percy simp): hes so CUTE

 

terminator (percy simp): LOOK AT HIM

 

terminator (percy simp): [Image Attachment: The phone is pointed down at Bucky’s lap, where Percy is laying, eyes closed. He has headphones on, and is wearing one of Bucky’s sweatshirts. His hair is messy, and he looks content as he sleeps.]

 

murphy’s law: SCJQEGFEWJBFSJKFQREJH

 

moonmoon: JLKNLBLASAGDF

 

The News(™): FINALLY

 

The News(™): SOMEONE WHO ISNT STINGY WITH CONTENT

 

president lincoln: *cough*peter*cough*

 

tungsten dioxide whats this: really

 

president lincoln: yes REALLY

 

terminator (percy simp): to each their own i guess

 

terminator (percy simp): but this right here is most definitely my own

 

terminator (percy simp): hes husband shaped :)

 

tungsten dioxide whats this: WOAH WOAH W O A H

 

tungsten dioxide whats this: SLOW DOWN THERE BUSTER

 

tungsten dioxide: YOU'VE KNOWN HIM FOR LIKE A FEW MONTHS

 

terminator (percy simp): and? i have EYES peter

 

mindiana jones: oh my god you two are like u-hual lesbians

 

terminator (percy simp): 

 

terminator (percy simp): yeah pretty much

 

terminator (percy simp): we did skip the ‘asking out’ part and went straight for love confessions and almost dying for eachother

 

avril lavigne: i mean me too

 

moonmoon: yeah i’d do the same

 

tungsten dioxide whats this: i fucking hate it here

 

 


 

 

Unknown Number and TS

 

Unknown Number: This isn’t funny, Stark.

 

TS: wha

 

Unknown Number: Take down the fake account. 

 

TS: the FUCJK afe yoi talking about

 

Unknown Number: Are you drunk?

 

TS: no iys just THREEW IN THR GODDAMND MORNINF

 

Unknown Number: Ah, right. Just take it down.

 

TS: WHASR are yoh TALKIJNG ABOUT

 

Unknown Number: The Twitter account. 

 

TS:

 

TS: wait

 

TS: FURUY???

 

Unknown Number: Yes, Stark. I’m telling you to take it down.

 

TS: I DONT RUN IT

 

Unknown Number:

 

Unknown Number: Is this a joke?

 

TS: NO

 

TS: IVE BEEN TRYINF TO FIGHURE OUT WHOS BEHIND THAR FOR MONTHS

 

Unknown Number: Are you serious?

TS: YES

 

TS: I THOUGHT IT WAS YOU????

 

TS: THEY POSTED PICTURES OF YOU THAT I CANT FIND ANYWHERE ONLINE

 

Unknown Number: Hm.

 

Unknown Number: Go back to sleep, Stark.

Notes:

bucky is a fucking NERD okay???

the acdec kids gearing up to hold a hunger games even though they all have peanut allergies and asthma

bucky and percy are so head over heels in love with eachother its actually kinda gross

do i call the next installment of this fic after TLS 'the babygirlification of percy jackson' yes or no

more cryptid fury account content :)

ANYWAYS I NEED HELP MAKING A SHIP NAME FOR THEM
IVE BEEN USING WINTERSEA IN MY HEAD BUT IDK
IM TAKING SUBMISSIONS

plumbing baby. goodbye.