Chapter Text
we had a bonding moment! I cradled you in my arms!
PJ : im bored
TS : ok????
PJ : entertain me
TS : im working right now
PJ : damn guess i’ll get up and go find something myself
TS : NO
TS : percy if you move i swear to god
TS : there is a HOLE in your LUNG. ask fri to get something
PJ : :(
TS : don’t :( me
PJ : :(
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we had a bonding moment! I cradled you in my arms!
PJ : [Image: Mrs. O’Leary is sitting on the couch patiently. She has neatly done pigtails in, and looks very happy]
TS : heh.
`TS: nice
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we had a bonding moment! I cradled you in my arms!
TS : im going to call the kid. Invite him over to the labs at some point
PJ : good.
PJ : he seems like a good kid
TS : he is.
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we had a bonding moment! I cradled you in my arms!
TS : was there fucking crack in those cookies
PJ : no?????
TS : cookies arent that good. Its not how life works
TS : it felt like crack
PJ : why do you know what crack feels like???
PJ : Tony?????
PJ : TONY?????
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we had a bonding moment! I cradled you in my arms!
PJ: i almost suplexed your child
TS: what?????
PJ: i was in the garage. he was in the garage. I was unaware of who he was
TS: did you punch him?
TS: i swear to god
PJ: pffft no. where the trust?
TS: you spartan kicked a reporter yesterday.
PJ: they were fucking rude, tony.
TS: not the point. what did you do.
PJ: nothing!!
PJ: i just kinda looked at him for a second then left
PJ: no harm done
TS: ….
PJ: i can feel your judgmental squint from here
TS: good
PJ: you really like the kid, huh
TS: well
TS: yeah
TS: hes hella smart
PJ: thats not it
TS : ?
PJ : you actually like him as a person
PJ : i can tell
PJ : you’re gonna adopt him
TS : What?? No.
PJ : ooooh someones busting out the capital letters and punctuation
TS : how do you even know that?
PJ : fri
TS : ...ok. but im not going to adopt him, he already has a family and i dont need a kid
PJ : uhhhh huh. that’s why you anonymously donated to his school’s chemistry program
TS : how the shit did you know about that
TS : i just did that
TS : how
PJ : ;)
TS : mildly upsetting. anyways
TS : not my kid.
PJ : ooooh wait
[PJ has changed TS’s nickname to ‘Father of 5’]
PJ : :)
Father of 5 : wh
Father of 5 : why
PJ : peter, U, dum-e, butterfingers, and fri
Father of 5 : i still deny that
PJ : its a nice name! I worked hard
Father of 5 : ...you just learned how to do that, huh
PJ: mayhaps
Father of 5 : shouldn't you know technology? You are like 20
PJ : not my fault i never had a phone
Father of 5: i still think that is weird
Father of 5: thats like. the one thing someone your age should have
PJ: ‘someone my age’ shut up old man
PJ: im actually an eldritch being from centuries ago. I Know Everything.
Father of 5: ...that fact that i sort of believe that is a little concerning.
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Father of 5: where the hell did you and mrs o’leary get matching pajamas
Father of 5: please i need to know
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Father of 5: fri said you had a nightmare last night. You ok?
PJ : fucking snitch
PJ: yeah im fine.
PJ: ive had worse
Father of 5: i hate that
PJ: life do be like that sometimes
Father of 5: for fucks sake
PJ: a n y w a y s
PJ: spidey coming over today?
Father of 5: yeah
Father of 5: at 10:30
PJ: awful early time to make your child get up
Father of 5: he gets up early
Father of 5: and hes not my kid
PJ: your nickname begs to differ
Father of 5: oh for hell's sake
Father of 5: if i have to suffer, you do too
[Father of 5 has set PJ’s nickname to ‘crack dealer’]
crack dealer: what
Father of 5 : im still not forgetting those cookies
crack dealer: of course not.
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we had a bonding moment! I cradled you in my arms!
crack dealer: hey where are you
crack dealer: nvm im coming down
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Peter Parker and Tony Stark
Underoos : mr stark your friend is scary
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we had a bonding moment! I cradled you in my arms!
crack dealer: ok im stealing your child now. going to go feed him lunch.
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we had a bonding moment! I cradled you in my arms!
crack dealer: i think your kid just helped me track down a shooter
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Peter Parker and Tony Stark
Underoos: ok i take it back his dog is cute
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we had a bonding moment! I cradled you in my arms!
crack dealer: your son was very helpful
crack dealer: i can see why you adopted him. 10/10, gave lea good pets
Father of 5: not my kid
Father of 5: …
Father of 5: glad he could help, though
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we had a bonding moment! I cradled you in my arms!
crack dealer: i have the power of god
Father of 5: why do i hear boss music
crack dealer: i have an idea
Father of 5: im already scared
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[PJ has added Tony Stark and Peter Parker]
[PJ had changed their name to ‘God’]
God: told you
Tony Stark: are you really gonna pull the kid into this?
God: family bonding, tony
[Peter Parker has changed their name to ‘soup’]
soup:
hi????
Tony Stark: why soup?
soup: like soup
God: mood
God: like food….but can use straw
soup: mmm yes. swirly straw for soup
God: s̸̢͉̯̖̬͇̺͇̜͖̗͆̋̇̏̓̈̇̽̌͛̄̓̇̑ơ̸̧͙̣̣̜̤̹̤͕͐͋͒͑͂̋̋̏̊̈́̾̆͐̑̿̋͆̚u̴̢̧̱̰͍̫̻̣̲̲͈͚̝̮̠̤̜̞̣̩̐̉̒̾̋̐̇͗͑̋̅̈́̊̋̌̌́̉̄̔̾͂͜͝ͅp̸̧̧͕̠͍̝̰̦͔̈́̇̎̽̏̌̀̊̊̉̍̅͂̐̎̃͆͘͜͝
soup: finally someone Gets It
Tony Stark: what the fuck
Tony Stark: why does that cover other messages
Tony Stark: how did you do that
soup: we did nothing. twas but the power of s̸̢͉̯̖̬͇̺͇̜͖̗͆̋̇̏̓̈̇̽̌͛̄̓̇̑ơ̸̧͙̣̣̜̤̹̤͕͐͋͒͑͂̋̋̏̊̈́̾̆͐̑̿̋͆̚u̴̢̧̱̰͍̫̻̣̲̲͈͚̝̮̠̤̜̞̣̩̐̉̒̾̋̐̇͗͑̋̅̈́̊̋̌̌́̉̄̔̾͂͜͝ͅp̸̧̧͕̠͍̝̰̦͔̈́̇̎̽̏̌̀̊̊̉̍̅͂̐̎̃͆͘͜͝
Tony Stark: you two meeting was a mistake
God: your anti soup ways are tearing this family apart
Soup: mr stark :(
Tony Stark: …
Tony Stark: …
Tony Stark: dear god
Tony Stark: fine
Tony Stark: im just going to say it normally. s̸̢͉̯̖̬͇̺͇̜͖̗͆̋̇̏̓̈̇̽̌͛̄̓̇̑ơ̸̧͙̣̣̜̤̹̤͕͐͋͒͑͂̋̋̏̊̈́̾̆͐̑̿̋͆̚u̴̢̧̱̰͍̫̻̣̲̲͈͚̝̮̠̤̜̞̣̩̐̉̒̾̋̐̇͗͑̋̅̈́̊̋̌̌́̉̄̔̾͂͜͝ͅp̸̧̧͕̠͍̝̰̦͔̈́̇̎̽̏̌̀̊̊̉̍̅͂̐̎̃͆͘͜͝
Tony Stark: what in the fresh hell
Tony Stark: why did it do that
Tony Stark: what did you do
God: we did nothing. soup is just like that
soup: indeed
[God has changed the group name to ‘SSEA’]
soup: soup speed eaters association?
God: yeah B)
soup: nice B)