Chapter Text
“So, how does it feel?”
Evan blinked at his mother and then at the road. “What?”
“Your arm.” Heidi smiled at him quickly. “Does it feel weird?”
Evan rubbed his newly cast-free arm. “Yeah. A little bit.”
“I still say we should’ve kept it.”
“Mom.”
“I could’ve had it bronzed, like your baby shoes.”
“You never bronzed my baby shoes.”
“All the more reason to bronze your cast!”
Evan sulked and slid down in his seat. “I don’t think it would’ve survived the bronzing process.”
Heidi wrinkled her nose. “Probably not.” She turned to flash him another smile. “But still, it was-”
“Mom!”
Heidi saw the red light just in time. She slammed on the brakes.
Evan’s heart did a flip. His mother’s arm flew out to stop him from flying forward.
She shook her head. “Shit. Sorry, sweetie.”
“It’s okay,” Evan mumbled.
“I feel so...” Her hand flopped around as if to say scatterbrained.
Or that her head was about to explode.
It was one or the other.
Evan nodded because they both made sense. “It’s been one of those days.”
“Days?” Heidi snorted. “Try weeks. Months. Years. It never stops, does it?”
Evan stared at his hands.
That did not bode well for his future.
Heidi let her breath out in a huff. “They’re going to announce more budget cuts this week.”
Evan looked at her in alarm.
She gripped the steering wheel a bit tighter. “It’s fine. It’s going to be fine. Even if I... Even if I’m one of those ones they... It’s temporary. This job was always going to be temporary. I’ll be working at a law firm before we know it.”
She flashed him another grin. “And if worse comes to worst, we can always move in with Maggie.”
Evan swallowed dryly.
Maggie’s house was tiny and reeked of cats, even though she didn’t have so much as a fish.
He decided not to point that out.
“I’ll be away at school soon.”
By soon, he meant ten months, give or take.
If he got a scholarship. A good scholarship. A good scholarship at a good school where he would take good classes that would help him land a good job where money would never be an issue.
Even his mother wasn’t optimistic enough to believe that.
He swallowed the thought.
His mother nodded brightly. “How’re your applications coming along?”
“Good,” Even chirped dutifully.
“Do you want me to look over them?”
“Yeah. Uh. Sure, if you have time.”
“Did you look into that scholarship I sent you? Maisie said it covered all of her daughter’s textbooks.”
“Oh. That’s... That’s good.”
“It’s something. It’s a start.” Heidi flicked the blinker and switched lanes. “Have you started the essay portion yet? Maisie said that’s the most important part.”
“I’ve, uh... I’ve started working on it.”
In his head.
He’d started working on it in his head.
That still counted.
“Did talking to Ms. Ross help at all?”
“Yeah.”
“Did she...” Heidi swallowed visibly. “Did she talk to you about, uh-”
“Did she tell me how to play nice with the other kids?”
Heidi reached over to ruffle his hair. “You’re always nice.”
Evan stared at the floor.
“Does she have a lunch group, like the one Ms. Carrington used to have?”
“Mom... That was... I was seven.”
“So?”
“So, they stuck me in that because Dad left.”
His words lingered in the air.
He stared at his hands.
His mother squeezed the steering wheel.
“I know, but maybe...” Heidi shook her head knowingly. “You’re seventeen.”
“There aren’t many paste-eaters in the twelfth grade.”
Heidi tilted her head quizzically.
“Cammie Rosen. That’s why they stuck her in there.”
“Oh,” Heidi smiled. “I remember Cammie. Whatever happened to her?”
Evan shrugged. “I think she moved.”
“I always liked her mom.”
“I think she moved too.”
Heidi hummed at that. “What about the others? Paul and Michael and what’s her name?”
“Jessa,” Evan said automatically. “They’re around.”
“Do you ever talk to them?”
Evan shook his head.
“Not even Paul? You two had so much fun when we went to the train museum.”
“That was one time.”
“I know, but-”
“We were seven.”
Heidi pressed her lips together.
Her silence said a lot.
Evan slumped down in his seat.
He hadn’t thought about Ms. Carrington’s lunch group in years.
Or months. If he was being honest, it was something he thought about every few months.
The months he was part of a group of misfits.
The months he’d sort of had a group of friends.
Jared had ruined it for him. Because of course he had.
He’d pointed out the obvious, that Ms. Carrington’s social skills club was filled with freaks and weirdos who needed professional help.
And that was that.
The club was ruined for Evan. He needed to get out.
He started masking his weirdness. He kept his head down and flew under the radar.
By third grade, he was practically normal.
Ms. Carrington didn’t ask him back.
“What do you want for dinner? I’m having a serious macaroni craving.”
“Macaroni’s good.”
Heidi’s mouth twisted to the side as she eyed the kitchen. “Except macaroni requires cooking.”
Evan smiled knowingly. “Do you want me to order the pizza or do you want to do it?”
Heidi whipped out her phone. “I’ll do it. I’m the mom.” She ruffled his hair. “It’s my job.”
Evan dropped his backpack on the floor and stretched while she tapped in their order.
He rolled up his sleeve to feel his arm.
It felt weird.
He shook his shoulders until the sleeve fell back down.
His mother noticed that but didn’t say a word.
He flopped on the couch and froze. “What’s this?”
There were pictures of him everywhere. It was like there’d been an explosion.
His mother pocketed her phone and hurried over to clean the mess. “I knew I forgot something!”
“You-”
“This morning. I kept thinking there was something I was supposed to do before I left. My brain, I swear...” Her hand flopped around.
“What is this?”
“It’s for your yearbook.”
“My...” Evan blinked at the table. That sentence did not compute.
“I got the email the other day. They want all the senior parents to put something together. It’s not due until January, but I figured I’d be early for once.”
She looked so proud of herself it made his stomach sink.
“So, you’re, uh...”
“I was thinking about doing a collage, but-”
Evan shook his head dazedly.
“I didn’t think you’d like that. So, I’m thinking one picture. One picture and one paragraph. Something sappy about how proud I am of my little boy.” She reached out to pinch his cheek.
He playfully smacked her away. “Oh. Uh. Great.”
She frowned as she rocked back on her heels. “I suppose I should tell your father.”
“Oh. Um.”
“He doesn’t get the school emails.”
“Right, uh-”
“He’ll probably want me to put both of our names on it.”
“Yeah,” Evan nodded.
“But you’ll know it’s really from me,” she winked.
“Yeah.” Evan smiled his most reassuring smile.
It made his mother smile too.
His mother ate and ran.
Class.
At least that was what Evan thought she said.
It didn’t matter.
Class, work, study group.
It was all the same.
It meant he had the house to himself.
He did his homework.
He studied and flossed and went to bed early.
He got in bed early.
He didn’t sleep.
He put the radio on.
Alana’s brother was rambling on about the photography class he was taking. And then it was onto a long, nonsensical monologue about marshmallows.
He wrapped it up by starting a song without introducing it.
Evan covered his ears and turned the volume down.
The shows without Alana were always a bit scattered.
He didn’t turn it off.
He let it play while he stared at his laptop.
He opened his latest letter.
He closed his latest letter.
He wasn’t in the mood for that.
Which probably meant he should force his way through.
His phone buzzed.
Jared.
Jared was trying to FaceTime with him.
He tossed the phone like it was hot.
He accepted the call when Jared tried again.
Jared’s face filled the screen. He mimicked his head exploding. “What...”
Evan blinked at the phone. “Huh?”
“I have no words.”
“Okay,” Evan nodded. “So, this will be a short call then.”
“Ha ha,” Jared deadpanned.
“What do you want?” Evan sighed.
“What makes you think I want something?”
Evan simply stared.
“Yeah...” Jared let his breath out in a huff. “So, your mom called.”
Evan squeezed his eyes shut.
“Apparently, we’re supposed to tutor Connor Murphy tomorrow night.”
Evan reluctantly opened his eyes. “Um.”
“How exactly did you get us roped into that?”
“I, uh-”
“Do you still need service learning credits? Can’t you go volunteer at a nursing home like a normal person? I bet you’d give an awesome sponge bath.”
Evan tilted his head.
Jared frowned when he heard himself. Not just frowned. His expression was priceless.
Evan couldn’t help chuckling at that. “You-”
Jared put up a hand to stop him. He tapped his chin and nodded. “No. I stand by what I said. I bet you-”
“This is going to a weird place.”
“Yeah,” Jared agreed. “Well.”
“What else is new?”
“Exactly.” Jared rubbed his eyes and shook his head. “When were you planning to tell me we’re-”
“We’re not tutoring Connor Murphy!”
Jared raised an eyebrow.
“I mean...” Evan made himself breathe. “I didn’t agree to anything.”
“But your mom-”
“My mom thinks... She’s, like, friends with Connor’s mom now or something and-”
“You’re family friends with Connor Murphy now?” Jared grabbed his chest like he’d been deeply, deeply betrayed.
“Kind of? I don’t... I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?”
It took Evan a second to realize Jared was on the verge of laughter. “Shut up.”
“How did I become a part of this? I’m barely passing science as it is.”
“I don’t...”
Jared snapped his fingers and pointed at the screen. “You’re going to make sure we both pass.”
Evan nearly dropped his phone. “Uh. What?”
“The test. Fair’s fair. If I go with you-”
“I didn’t say I was going!”
“-then you owe me. You have to make sure I pass the test too.”
Evan blinked at his phone. “I’m not letting you cheat off me.”
“Who said anything about cheating? Just... I don’t know. Work some of that Evan magic. Explain what that whole cell thing is all about.”
“We covered that last year.”
It was Jared’s turn to blink. “Oh. I am so screwed.”
“Yeah.”
“No, seriously, like, what are we even learning? I don’t even know. What is this class? How did I get here? How am I going to-”
“Jared.”
“I need a paper bag.” Jared smirked at the camera and took a bow. “And scene.”
Evan clapped sarcastically.
“So, are we going or not?”
“Not.”
Jared made a face. “But you’ll still help me study, won’t you?”
Evan hung up without dignifying that with a response.
There were pictures of them in the yearbook. Ms. Carrington’s lunch group. There were always pictures of them in the yearbook.
One candid shot in each grade’s collage.
They weren’t official pictures because it wasn’t an official club. Just a group of students from each grade that Ms. Carrington had lunch with for various reasons.
Because they were addicted to glue. Because they thought they were a cat. Because their dad left and they couldn’t say a word.
Because they threw a printer at Ms. G.
Evan couldn’t be sure that was the reason Connor Murphy was recruited, but he had a feeling.
Connor wasn’t in his lunch group. The group was full when the printer thing happened.
Connor was in the third grade picture though.
Evan didn’t need to check his old yearbook to know that.
Connor had taken his spot in the club.
Or possibly Michael’s. He’d managed to stop meowing by then.
“I hate to break it to you, dear listeners, but judging from the panic attack Trevor here is having, I think it’s time for a little PSA.”
“This is not funny!”
“It’s a little funny, but I digress.” Alan cleared his throat loudly. “For those of you who are as oblivious to life as my good friend Trevor here, Family Weekend is upon us.”
“I have to go clean my room!”
“It’s not for three days!”
“You’ve seen my room!”
“Your show’s starting in-”
“Cover for me?”
There was a rustling sound, followed by what Evan took to be Alan cursing under his breath.
“All righty then. It looks like you folks are in for a real treat tonight. Another hour of me!”
There was a pause.
A long pause.
Evan tilted his head.
“Yeah,” Alan chuckled. “I’ve got nothing. What’s on your mind tonight, friends? Help a fella out. The lines are open and... that was fast. I didn’t even have to beg. What’s on your mind, caller?”
“Mom wants to know if you want her to press your pants for Saturday.”
“Lanie?”
“Yeah.”
“You’re calling the show?”
“Yeah... Oh. She also says-”
“Couldn’t we be having this conversation via text?”
A pause.
“Yeah...”
“But where’s the fun in that?”
“Exactly.”
“Tell mom no. I’m just wearing jeans to the panel.”
“She says-”
“Tell her that’s non-negotiable and...” Alan sighed into his mic. “I’ll call her later.”
“Kay.”
“And-”
“Have you thought about how you’re going to handle all the questions?”
“What questions?”
“The Q&A. That’s what the panel’s all about, isn’t it?”
“I’ll be-”
“I still say I should go up there with you. You choke under pressure. You know you do. I... I really should be talking to you about this when we’re not on the air.”
“You think?”
“Yeah... Sorry. I suck. I know.”
A pause.
Alan sighed heavily. “Yeah, okay, well, I’ll talk to you about this later then.”
Another pause, followed by one of the worst songs Evan had ever heard.
He covered his ears and fumbled with the volume.
His brain tried to process what he’d just heard.
The panel? What panel?
He looked it up.
It was for Family Weekend. The radio station was hosting a panel of speakers, including Alan.
Over 100 people had already RSVPed.
Evan shook his head at the comments.
The letter.
Several of the people, the parents, mentioned the letter. His letter.
They said it had given them a way to talk to their kids, to connect, to understand what was going on in their heads.
Evan closed his eyes and leaned against the wall.
He turned the volume back up.
The song was over. Thankfully.
“Lanie has a point, actually. I should rehearse for Saturday. Important people are going to be there and I don’t want to blow it by being all... you know. Blech. So, how about it? Any questions, comments, concerns? Particularly ones that you think any discerning parental figures might have.”
A pause.
“You’re on, caller.”
“Hey! So, uh, not a question exactly, but a comment.”
“Fire away.”
“Um...” The caller giggled. “This is weird. I don’t know why I’m doing this.”
“Wait a second...” Alan breathed into his mic. “I know this number. You’re Alana’s friend, aren’t you? The one with the brother.”
“Zoe, yeah.” She giggled again. “Sorry. Um.”
“Lanie’s not here tonight.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“So... You have a comment?”
Zoe breathed into the phone. “Yeah, um. I just wanted to say that, for what it’s worth, your show really has meant a lot to me and to my family. To my brother, mostly, but to my parents... I don’t think they know it, but things have changed. Not completely, but they’re better and your show, the-the whole letter thing, has helped a lot.”
“Really? Thank you. That’s... I love to hear things like that.”
“Yeah, I mean, I know the letter thing was kind of a fluke, but-”
“That’s one way of looking at it.”
“I know Alana... I know the story there, but it’s helped. It’s helped me understand my brother, to... to talk to him. To actually... He got it. It clicked with him, you know. I think... I think it made him feel kind of... I don’t know. Less alone or...”
“There’s been a lot of that going around.”
“Yeah,” Zoe breathed. “I don’t know if I’ll make it to your panel this weekend and even if I did, I doubt I’d actually say any of this in person because you know there’s a difference between rambling on the phone while you should be doing your math homework and-”
“I feel that.”
“Yeah,” Zoe laughed. “So, I just wanted to say thank you. To you, to Alana, to Evan, if he’s listening.”
Evan blinked at the ceiling.
His phone buzzed.
He didn’t look. Not yet.
Zoe laughed again. “And I’m sending you that list of songs.”
“Hey...” Alan huffed.
“Alana’s right. You have terrible taste in music.”
Zoe wasn’t the only one who laughed that time.
Evan reached for his phone.
Jared again.
So we’re doing this now, right?
Evan blinked at the text.
He thought about playing dumb, about asking what Jared meant.
He thought about ignoring the text altogether. It would serve Jared right. Give him a taste of his own medicine.
His phone buzzed again.
We’re actually going to tutor Connor Murphy?
Evan closed his eyes and made a choice.
Yeah.