Chapter Text
Caleb couldn’t even begin to describe how grateful he was when Beau and Yasha offered to help him and Essek move into their new home. Their wizarding backgrounds had failed to equip them for lugging furniture around. Their spells could only do so much every day and neither of them liked running on empty, even in the relative safety they’d found in Rexxentrum.
While the ladies brought in the couch Essek had picked out, Caleb and Essek debated their floor plan. “I still think it would be better to put the dining table closer to the kitchen,” Essek said.
“Our table is too big for that. It makes it harder to walk between the rooms,” Caleb said.
“We will have plenty of room to walk there. It makes no sense to put the couch closer to the kitchen than the dining table.”
“It makes less sense to inconvenience ourselves every day because you would feel weird about it otherwise. You will grow used to this layout eventually. Our friends will not suddenly shrink to fit through the space more comfortably.”
“Speaking of our comfort,” Yasha said. She and Beau stood behind them holding their couch. “Can you tell us where to put this now so we don’t have to pick it up again?”
“My apologies. Please put it between the kitchen and the dining table,” Essek said. Caleb smirked at him. “Do not give me that look. I only said that so our friends could put it down. We can always change it later.”
Beau collapsed onto the couch. “If you’re gonna change it, you better do it now. I’m not coming back every time you guys wanna move something.”
“It will stay where it is. I believe you two have done enough heavy lifting for the day,” Caleb said. He handed them each a glass of water.
“Thanks.” Beau finished the water in three big gulps. “I swear, you two already fight like an old married couple and you just moved in together.”
“We weren’t fighting.” He looked at Essek. “Were we fighting?”
“It was a civil debate between two scholars. Not a fight at all.”
Beau rolled her eyes. “Hey, Yasha? Our new neighbors suck. You wanna move?”
“Nah, let’s give them a chance.” Yasha joined her on the couch. “Wow, this is comfy.”
“Sure is. Bet they’re gonna have a lot of fun breaking it in.” She winked at the two of them. Essek tilted his head and looked at Caleb for an explanation.
“I believe she is referring to activities typically relegated to the bedroom.”
“Ah…”
“Only if you’re boring,” Beau said.
Yasha took another sip of her water. “I’m pretty sure we’ve covered every room in our place, haven’t we?” she asked.
Beau thought for a moment. “I don’t think we’ve done the roof yet.”
“Oooh. That’d be interesting.”
“Does Rexxentrum have public indecency laws?” Essek asked.
Caleb shrugged. “Probably, but I doubt they would get in trouble if they did it at night and weren’t too loud.” Beau and Yasha smiled at one another. “And now I believe we have inadvertently put a very bad idea into their heads.”
“They most likely would have thought of it themselves eventually,” Essek pointed out.
“Ah, Essek. You know us so well.” Beau got up. “By the way, are you still gonna keep that disguise on all the time? I’m pretty sure no one’s gonna burst into your own house and see you.” It took Caleb a second to process what she meant. Essek had been disguising himself as a Wood Elf for so long that it barely registered to him anymore. It was all just Essek.
“We still have some chairs to bring in. Once that’s done, I’ll dispel it.”
“No, we’ll get the chairs. You two get started on the dinner you promised us.” Yasha nodded at the door and Beau followed her out.
Essek dropped the Disguise Self spell. “Shall we get to work?”
They got started on dinner as Beau and Yasha finished bringing in the chairs. Once everything was inside, the ladies ran over to their place to grab the wine they’d bought for the occasion. The rest of the Nein would be joining them later in the week for a proper celebration, but there was no reason to not pour a glass now.
After dinner, Caleb and Essek began unpacking their room. Their room. It hadn’t hit Caleb until today how nice it would be to think that. To share something this huge with another person. This was their house. They earned this through hard work and years of loyalty and devotion to one another. Caleb could not think of a better reward than watching Essek fold clothes into their dresser and struggle to get pillow cases onto their pillows.
“Caleb?” Essek asked as he arranged his books on their shelves. “May I ask you a potentially foolish question?”
Done hanging a painting Jester gave them on the wall, Caleb joined him at their bookcase. “You may, but know my response could very well be equally foolish.”
“I notice that Beau and Yasha openly discuss their… sexual escapades quite often. I know sex is a typical part of most romantic relationships. Is it… Is it unusual that we have not slept together yet?”
A hope grew in Caleb. One he’d suppressed for Essek’s sake, not wanting to put an expectation on Essek that he may not have been able or willing to fulfil. “I’m not sure I am the best judge of what is normal or not. But we have not put much stock in normalcy for most of our relationship. Why start now?”
Essek stared at him for a moment before shaking his head and placing a few more books on the shelves. “You are right. I should not have asked.”
“Essek…” Caleb took Essek’s chin and gently made him look at him. “Know that I would never want to pressure you into something you do not want. I will be happy even if we never go beyond where we are now.”
“I… I think I do. Want more, I mean.” Caleb caught a hint of surprise in Essek’s voice, as if he wasn’t aware of the extent of his feelings until he voiced them. “Do you?”
Every part of Caleb screamed yes. Every drop of blood, every inch of skin, every neuron in his brain demanded that he have Essek right then and there. It was a passion he hadn’t let himself feel until this moment. He pulled Essek in for a kiss. Essek threw his arms around him, pulling their bodies together as he pressed Caleb against the side of the bed.
Without separating, they both got to their feet. Essek stumbled in their haste and almost fell. Caleb pulled the both of them onto the bed, Essek’s body pinning him to the new sheets. They kissed again, only separating to take off their shirts. Caleb barely even thought about his scars as Essek ran his hands down his arms. They studied each other’s bodies with their hands in a desperate need to know every inch of them. An unfamiliar sensation creeped into Caleb’s stomach. It was one he hadn’t felt in a long time. Was it arousal? He couldn’t tell if it felt good or bad but the way Essek gasped as Caleb touched his lower back made any desire he had to examine the feeling disappear. Right now, his entire world was Essek.
An involuntary groan escaped Caleb as Essek pulled away. “Before we go any further, I feel I should warn you that I don’t exactly know what I am doing. This is my first time doing something of this nature.”
This surprised Caleb, though he supposed it shouldn’t have. Essek had told him before that he was his first love. While sex didn’t necessitate love, most people behaved as if it did. This only meant Caleb had to make sure Essek’s first time was a good one. “No need to worry, Schatz. I happen to be a rather good teacher.” Essek smiled as they joined for another kiss, this one somehow more passionate than the last. Essek fumbled to take off his pants and Caleb was more than happy to assist. “Would you like a demonstration?”
Caleb was well educated in the art of pleasuring another man. The years without practice had done nothing to lessen his skill. Muscle memory was enough to bring Essek to a moan. Good. Caleb was doing a good job.
“That’s a good boy,” a rough voice said. A large hand pushed Bren’s head up and down. No, not Bren. He was Henrik here. “See? It isn’t so hard.” The man laughed. “I don’t know why they charge half price for new ones. It’s so much fun to watch them squirm.”
“Caleb? Are you alright?”
“If you wish to serve the Empire to the best of your ability, you must know more than how to fight. Sometimes a more subtle approach is necessary to make the target more vulnerable.”
“You’re okay, Caleb. Just breathe.”
“Stay still!” Bile rose in his throat as his pelvis slammed against the edge of the table again and again.
“Is it okay if I touch you, Caleb?”
“Come on. You can do better than that. I didn’t pay to do all the work myself.” The lady on top of him gently bit his neck. What was her name? What was his name? He supposed it didn’t matter. All he cared about was making it through the next hour. Then the next one. Then the next one.
“You’re safe, Caleb. You’re with Essek. We’re home.”
They promised to let Bren out if he did everything they asked. He did. Why was he still here? He did everything right. Why did they leave him? Why did everyone leave him?
Caleb stopped moving. As loath as Essek was to open his eyes and leave this overwhelming pleasure, a part of him knew something was wrong. Caleb was near the end of the bed on his hands and knees. His eyes were glazed over in a way that was all too familiar to Essek. “Shit.” Essek sat up, moving his body away from Caleb as he used their blanket to cover his lower half. “Caleb? Are you alright?”
“I’m trying. I’m sorry, I’m trying.”
Okay. Caleb was clearly having a flashback. Step one was identifying the problem and Essek had done that. This was okay. He could deal with this. Typical procedure would be to get one of their cats, but they had locked them out of the room so they wouldn’t get crushed if something fell. He would need to leave Caleb in order to find a cat and he couldn’t bring himself to do that. Essek would have to deal with this himself.
“You’re okay, Caleb. Just breathe.” He’d read somewhere that repeating someone’s name could be helpful when bringing someone back. That and touch, but he shouldn’t touch Caleb without permission right now. “Is it okay if I touch you, Caleb?” No response. He likely wasn’t in a position where he could answer yet. That was fine. There were other things Essek could do.
He spent the next ten minutes talking to Caleb. He told him he was alright. That Essek was with him. That they were home. They had a home and it was beautiful and safe and theirs . Whatever Caleb saw right now wasn’t real. He was Caleb, not Bren, and he had people who loved him and were ready to protect him.
“Essek?” Caleb whispered.
“Yes, it’s me,” Essek replied with a forced calmness. He knew that strong emotions could throw Caleb back into a panic. Relief could wait until Caleb fully returned to the present.
Caleb pushed himself back, almost falling off the side of the bed in his haste to get away. “I’m sorry. I can’t. I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“I forgive you, Caleb. It’s alright.” It sickened Essek to let Caleb’s apologies go unchallenged, but forgiveness did more to help Caleb than stubbornly insisting he had nothing to apologize for.
“I can’t hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you. I’m sorry.” Caleb’s hands shook and it took everything Essek had to not grab them. He was too close to the edge of the bed for comfort and the last thing Caleb needed was to hurt himself.
“You haven’t hurt me. I’m okay. We both are. You just need to breathe, okay?” Caleb shook his head, his panic only increasing. “Is it alright if I touch you?” Caleb responded with another shake of the head. “Can I get one of your cats? Will that help?”
“Too dirty.”
Too dirty? That one was new. “The cats are too dirty?”
“No, I am. I need… I need to…” Caleb started scraping his arms with his nails with a ferocity Essek had never seen before. Essek was not about to let that happen, Caleb’s wishes be damned. He reached out and took Caleb’s wrists, pulling him against his chest. Caleb clung onto him and started sobbing. As tragic as it was, this was something Essek knew.
He ran a hand through Caleb’s hair and whispered, “I love you, Caleb Widogast. You deserve every comfort in the world and I will do my best to give it to you.”