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Chloe shifted her coat around her shoulders as she stepped down the stairs to where the support group meeting was being held. The night air was chilly, but she was always cold nowadays. A few rows of chairs were set up in anticipation of being filled by the suffering few that waited to be called to order, who were currently sipping coffee and nibbling stale off brand cookies. Just above the snack table was a religiously themed calendar that read June, 12, 1996.
Tonight was her night to share, and she had practiced what she was going to say all day. She needed the practice since she would be incredibly flustered. She wasn’t the type to make a proposition for a sexual relationship, especially in public. Chloe had never really had a sexual…adventure.
The group facilitator called everyone to their seats. Chloe sat by the walkway so that it would be easy to walk up to the podium. She lightly tapped her suede pants, only stopping to adjust her head scarf now and then. The leader read off the agenda before inviting Chloe to stand.
She shuffled up nervously, chanting to herself that everything would be fine. The most that the facilitator would do is stop her and she’d sit back down. The group wouldn’t laugh, maybe applaud a little, but never laugh. She turned to the crowd then and found them bored out of their minds. All except one person who sat in the back, if she remembered correctly his name was…Jack? No, he was staring judgingly. Then again that just seemed to be his face.
Chloe took a deep breath before starting her monologue, “Hello, my name is Chloe,” she paused to let a wave of dizziness pass before continuing, “Well, I’m still here,” the group applauded, “But I don’t know for how long. That’s as much certainty that anyone can give me. But I’ve got some good news: I no longer have any fear of death. But…I’m in a pretty lonely place. No one will have sex with me,” though she couldn’t really blame them, she’s seen herself in a mirror and knows she looks like a walking skeleton. No one wants to jump bones, “I’m so close to the end, and all I want is to get laid for the last time,” Here comes the super awkward part, “I have pornographic movies in my apartment, and lubricants, and amyl nitrite…”
Chloe was really trying to sell the idea, but the facilitator cut her off just before she could get to the more interesting toys she had. She got a few more claps before she was dismissed off the stage. She slunk back to her chair, the chill sinking into her bones until the meeting ended, unaware of the newest member secretly watching her from the darkest corner of the room.
Next Day
The next day Chloe stared at her face with an intensity that would make a spy sweat. Dark circles shadowed her eyes like it was the day after a goth concert and she had stumbled into bed without taking her make-up off. The raccoon eyes mixed with her sunken cheeks and overlarge eyes definitely screamed skeleton. Her bald head didn’t help either.
Chloe sighed deeply, exhausted. She’d spent most of the night in the bathroom, trying not to vomit; eventually she just gave up and fell asleep in her tub. Morning arrived way too early, she thought bitterly rubbing her eyes, I need coffee. She grabbed her foundation, knowing it won’t really do anything for her looks, but she didn’t want to go out looking like a trash panda. The routine of putting make-up on felt oddly comforting. Finally, something normal. Before going to her bedroom, she gargled with mouthwash. Her gums still tingled by the time she slipped on a threadbare sweatshirt with the cuffs and neckline cut off.
Luckily, the café she frequented was mostly empty, as were the outside tables. She quickly ordered a cinnamon hazelnut latte and sat outside. The morning was gray, so the light didn’t burn her eyes, though that did mean it was a tad nippy out. She lightly blew on the foam before taking a tentative sip. The heat warmed her from the inside out.
Chloe sat for a while, people watching. Two old biddies sat at the other outside table, chatting about how rude kids were these days, no appreciation for their elders, listening to their overly loud funk-rock, and something or other about neighbors. She drank the last of her coffee to the dregs, contemplating getting another, knowing that it wasn’t really food, but it makes her feel full and she’d just regurgitate the food anyway. Waste of money.
Chloe was just about to get up when a twenty something girl with short platinum blonde hair plonked down in the chair in front of her. Arrogantly, the girl propped up her combat boots on the table with a cocky grin. Before Chloe could say anything, her visitor lit up a cigarette and said, “So, I heard you’re looking for a sex partner.”
Chloe blinked, stunned into silence. However, the ladies behind them scoffed and left, loudly letting them know what they thought. It took a moment before she could process what was going on. The girl sitting before Chloe was dressed mostly in black leather, with an eyebrow and nose piercing. The one at the nose was a small loop, while the one on the brow looked like a black dumbbell. The thing that blew her mind was that the girl looked very much like Marion Davies, the classic 20’s actress.
Chloe swallowed before saying, “Sorry, what?”
The girl smirked, “Last night, at the group meeting, you said you’re looking for a sex partner. Yes?”
Chloe just nodded.
“Well, are you still looking?” The girl took a deep drag on her cigarette, then let it out slowly, the smoked curled upward in elegant swirls. Very classy.
Chloe gulped her nerves down as well as she could. “Yes,” she said slowly before it fully clicked to what was going on, “Oh, yes! Yes, I am! Sorry, I was just startled.”
The girl took another drag. “I have that effect on people.”
“Uh-huh,” Chloe snorted dubiously with a quirked lip.
“Anyway,” the girl continued, “am I to your liking?”
Chloe glanced around, embarrassed. She’d never had a female proposition her before. It would be her first woman in bed. Nervously, she rubbed her neck.
“I honestly wouldn’t know.” Her eyes trailed away to the edges of her sockets. It definitely wasn’t that the girl was ugly, she just had no experience. Then again, she might as well try everything before passing on. “But I wouldn’t mind finding out.”
“Excellent. Let me get a coffee before we discuss terms.” The girl got up, and had her hand on the knob when she turned around as if she’d forgotten something, “Anything for you?”
“Caramel macchiato?”
The girl winked, letting the door gently close behind her.
Chloe let out a forceful breath. That had been stressful, yet she liked how the girl’s style; upfront and to the point. Chloe didn’t have much time to waste on niceties. The girl came back out with their drinks, roughly sitting back down, she handed Chloe hers.
Silently they sat there with each other for a minute or so when Chloe finally breached the topic, “So, what’s your name?”
The girl sipped her coffee, never taking her eyes off of the sickly woman, “Stevie.”
“How long have you been diagnosed?”
Stevie’s head tilted back just as a sardonic laugh belted from her, “I’m not sick.”
Chloe tilted her head, confused. “Why were you at the meeting then?”
Stevie took another sip, “Hunting.”
Her eyes widened at the thought of what Stevie meant, she wasn’t sure she wanted to know, but too curious not to ask, “What were you hunting for?”
Contemplatively the other girl twisted the cup in her hands before answering. “I have a kink for sleeping with dying people.”
Chloe coughed at the admission, choking on her macchiato. That must mean Stevie had been at the support meeting grazing for someone just like her. Someone desperate. Someone alone. And this for sure wasn’t the only time that the other girl had done this. She had been so confident, arrogant even, with her proposal and Chloe wasn’t sure how she felt about being prey.
Seeing Chloe’s new hesitation she asked, “Is that a problem?”
Honestly, she wasn’t sure. She didn’t want to be alone in the last few days of her life, but was it healthy to support that kind of thing? Then again, who was she to judge? She literally threw out a proposition for sex at a support meeting. That kind of thing could have gotten worse attention. She should have been prepared for anything. Yet, here she was now, hem-hawing over the only person that took her up on the idea.
Chloe stared into Stevie’s hazel eyes, framed by thick lashes, and said, “No, not a problem at all.”
Stevie slapped the table with glee, obviously happy with this decision.
“But,” Chloe continued almost as an afterthought, “what do you get out of this?”
The girl shifted in her seat, “I’m in need of a place to stay. Let me stay with you until the end and you’ve got yourself a friend with benefits.”
That wasn’t a bad deal actually, Chloe thought. She would no longer have to stay by herself. Plus, her expansive collection could finally be utilized to its fullest. She offered her hand across the table, “Deal.”
Stevie took the offered hand with a satisfied smile. They finished up their drinks and set out for the apartment. On their walk Stevie talked and Chloe let her. She was usually a quiet person, often keeping to herself. She could tell that Stevie liked hearing herself talk and wasn’t concerned about volume. However, when Stevie started talking about sex, Chloe started glancing around. She felt eyes on her and she hated people looking at her.
“Shhh!” Chloe cautioned.
“Embarrassed?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
Chloe continued to check around. “Because it’s a private thing.”
Stevie stuff her hands in the pockets of her jacket, “Why do you care? You’re dying.”
Chloe stopped in her tracks. She didn’t like how Stevie phrased it, but what she said wasn’t wrong. It doesn’t matter what people think of her anymore. Yet, she still felt off with people staring at her.
“How about for my comfort, then?”
Stevie noticed the people that glanced their way as they walked by. She could tell that Chloe had a negative view of herself. That meant being looked at damaged her self-image. Gently, she laid a hand on Chloe’s head scarf, giving it a stroke.
“Alright, I’ll be good.”
Chloe felt her cheeks redden at the affectionate touch; despite her shaved head being a sensitive point, she liked it. A soft smile crept across her face as Stevie wrapped her arm around her shoulders. For once she was starting to warm up.
At the Apartment
Chloe opened the apartment door, letting Stevie go before her. She set down her purse and keys on the kitchen bar. Stealthily she watched as Stevie walked around the apartment, checking things out, and removed her jacket, laying it down on the arm of the couch.
“Are you hungry? I might have some food in the fridge.”
She opened the fridge door and frowned. There was indeed some food, she just wasn’t sure if she could make a meal out of it. Mostly it was broth. Liquids was about the only thing that didn’t make her immediately sick.
“Wow, that’s sad.”
Chloe jumped not having heard Stevie walk up behind her. She chuckled shakily as she shut the fridge.
“Sorry. I thought I had more than that.”
Stevie gave a little snort. “Don’t worry, I’m not hungry.”
She smiled and led her guest back to the couch, sitting at one end, letting Stevie pick her seat. Which was by her side.
“Tell me about this…” Stevie paused to find the right word, “trove of sexual pleasures. Would it make the Marquis De Sade blush?”
She guffawed holding her side. “No. I’m not into rough play, sorry.”
Stevie tsked, “You’re missing out, but ok.” She sounded disappointed even though she was wearing a playful grin.
Chloe stood, moving to the bedroom and motioned for Stevie to follow. “Let me show you my treasure.” She opened the door to an extremely gray room, where the only color was an antique brown treasure chest.
“You weren’t kidding about treasure.”
She pulled the chest away from the foot of the bed to sit in front of both of them before opening it. Stevie knelt beside Chloe, marveling at the cache before her. There were many types of lube; silicone based, water based, flavored, warming, natural, and they were high end brands; Astroglide, Slippery Stuff, KY, even Wet Platinum.
Stevie knew she could do a lot with that alone, but it didn’t stop there. Chloe had a rainbow of dildos; big, long, realistic, made out of silicone (specifically medical grade) and glass. There were different vibrators; rabbits, clit, and thrusters. The real treasure was the Hitachi Magic Wand! It was hard to move on from there, yet she had to because then she saw the strap. She picked it up questioningly at Chloe. If she wasn’t planning on female sex then why have it?
“In case of pegging.” Chloe shrugged.
Stevie moved on to the condoms, many varieties there too and different sizes. Probably to go on the dildos during pegging. That way cleaning would be simpler. Some toys next, not as many, but then the lube and dildos took up a lot of space. A few bottles of amyl nitrite. The third largest category was the pornos. There was lesbian, gay, straight, group, classic, new, contemporary, softcore and hardcore.
Stevie picked a lesbian DVD for first timers and their experienced partners. “Let’s watch this one first.”
Chloe blushed crimson, grabbed Stevie’s hand, and led her back to the living room. She messed with the tv as Stevie got comfy. When she sat down, Stevie reached out, pulling her between their legs, then wrapped her arms around Chloe’s sickeningly tiny waist so Chloe could lean into Stevie’s chest while they watched.
The video started with two youngish girls playing spin the bottle. The line of questioning was about if one girl had sex with another girl. Of course, one of the girls said no, and then the question went on to whether or not she wanted too. There was a yes and then lots of making out.
Chloe couldn’t help laughing at the awkward reading of lines, while Stevie critiqued positions, turning things into a heckler’s night.
“So, can you bend that way for long?”
Stevie shook her head, “Scissoring is mainly for foreplay, there are some that can get off doing it, but I can’t. My flexibility has a timer, which is about 2 maybe 3 minutes.”
They laughed at the well-meaning self-deprecation. This was exactly what they needed to break the underlining tension between them. It was about the time that the girls climaxed that Chloe got brave enough to turn around. Stevie followed her lead as she was pushed back into the couch; she became excited at the slight forcefulness from her partner, even more so as she leaned in for a kiss.
Chloe tasted the cloves from Stevie’s cigarette from earlier. It wasn’t unpleasant and soon she’d forgotten all about it as she focused on positioning herself to straddle Stevie’s lap. She found the edge of Stevie’s shirt and slipped her slender fingers along their flat belly. Stevie moaned into Chloe’s mouth, sliding her hands to her tightly formed ass.
They lost themselves into each other’s kisses and caresses. Chloe somehow found herself in bed completely naked, legs spread wide with Stevie getting ready to go down on her. She gasped at the first flick of Stevie’s tongue. Stevie placed her hands under Chloe’s thighs, gently massaging as she licked Chloe’s clit. The moans that came from her partner made her want to get creative.
She excused herself, to the adorable complaints of Chloe, and grabbed the wand and the edible lube. Stevie thought for a moment, then grabbed a pink-purple largish dildo that curved slightly up and the strap. Chloe watched intrigued as Stevie squirted a generous amount of lube into her hand. She couldn’t help but giggle as Stevie massaged it into her folds and nooks; it was a tiny bit ticklish. The attention was making her tighter and wetter; by the time Stevie leaned back down to lick her clean she orgasmed almost immediately. Stevie was far from being finished with Chloe though. After she’d licked Chloe’s clit clean of the lube, she moved onto the wand.
Stevie absolutely enjoyed Chloe’s squeaks, gasps, and moans. They brought pure ecstasy, with a little focus Stevie brought herself to orgasm. Chloe couldn’t keep anything straight in her head. It felt so good. She wanted it to keep going but she was also becoming extremely dizzy even while laying down. She wished that Stevie would let her give them pleasure too. Sure, she had never done it before, but Gods did she want to try.
There was one more thing on Stevie’s list of to-dos. She grabbed the strap on, situated the dildo just right, slathered it with the warming lube and thrust the dildo deep. Chloe’s back arched as she met the first push. The friction from the dildo with the warming gel, filling her completely and focusing on her g-spot, had her crying out in blended orgasms.
Stevie pulled out when she noticed that even though she was still coming, Chloe had passed out. A Cheshire grin split her face as she watched Chloe ride out her aftershocks while asleep. Stevie cleaned things up, then put Chloe under the blankets.
After care
The next few months basically went like this: walk to café for “breakfast” unless it was after a chemo treatment then she wouldn’t eat or drink anything (except water), they learned about each other; some things they didn’t like, others they liked very much indeed, made love most nights, and had arguments just like any couple.
Stevie was usually on Chloe about eating more. She knew that Chloe basically threw up anything solid anymore, so she started making smoothies with vitamins that she needed, but even that didn’t seem to help. Chloe health was declining fast. The doctors said that she probably wouldn’t last another year.
However, Chloe was pretty content. She had Stevie, and the holidays were coming up. There was something she had to get done before Yule, which came up quickly, and this was the first time in a while that Chloe went all out on decorations. There was a real tree with glittery ornaments, bright lights, and tinsel, all over the apartment.
Stevie humored Chloe even though it wasn’t her favorite holiday. Plus, she had to admit, Chloe did a fantastic job of decorating. There was one present and it was from Chloe to Stevie. Unfortunately, Stevie didn’t have money to spend, while Chloe somehow did. She didn’t know how, but apparently Chloe had money. Then again, she thought, it wasn’t her business.
Two days before Yule, snow started coming down in blinding sheets. Chloe was elated. The reason she loved Winter was because of snow. Stevie didn’t understand it, maybe because she’d been homeless during winter in New York before and was lucky to have survived it.
The night of Yule, Chloe and Stevie shared a steak dinner, a bottle of champagne, and a few 1920’s movies before Stevie opened her present. Stevie stood up irritated when she realized she was holding Chloe’s will.
“What’s this?”
“I liquidated my assets and I’m giving them to you,” Chloe stood too, walking to Stevie, “Please, accept this gift. I know this isn’t what you intended, but you’ve made me happy and content these past few months. Also, I don’t want it to go to the state or government.”
Stevie sighed. “Alright, if that’s what you want.”
Chloe gave the biggest shit eating grin in her life. “The apartment is paid up until February first. That should give you time to figure out where you’re going afterward.”
Stevie glanced at her suspiciously, “February? Did the doctors give you a date?”
Chloe shook her head, grabbed the champagne bottle and took a swig before answering, “No, I did. Just know that sometime soon you’ll wake up alone. I want you to have deniability.”
Stevie scratched her head in slight frustration but left it at that. She sat back down to enjoy the rest of their booze.
New Year’s Eve
It hadn’t stopped snowing for three days and the weather called for a blizzard that night. Stevie saw the headlines on the news predict less of a crowd for the ball drop. There was a loud commotion outside the apartment door, drawing her to it, as Chloe stumbled in with an ass-ton of alcohol (expensive hard liquor) and solid snacks.
Stevie was confused. “What’s the occasion?”
Chloe chuckled as she set the bags down on the kitchen bar. “It’s New Year’s Eve. If this isn’t the day to make myself sick, then I have no idea when I can.”
Stevie smiled fondly, happy that at least Chloe was going to celebrate full blast. That night they did indeed party. Chloe more than Stevie, no belligerence thankfully. They went to bed around 12:30 A.M. Chloe waited until she heard Stevie was snoring before getting back up. When Stevie made a sleep noise like a question, she reassured her that she just had to pee. Instantly Stevie fell right back to sleep.
Chloe had learned Stevie’s sleeping habits well enough to know that if she was tired and drunk enough, she wouldn’t be able to stay awake. One last time Chloe checked herself out in a mirror and was happy with what she saw. She then left the house; no socks, coat, gloves, or scarf. The only thing she took with her, besides the shirt and boxers she had on, was a bottle of booze.
Just as the weather had predicted, a blizzard was very much happening. She smiled as she continued to walk in the snow, and pretty soon she was too frozen to feel the chill. She drank now and then, thankful that she hadn’t ran into cops. She was on her way to Central Park. There was a place she scoped out for what she was going to do.
When she reached her decided-upon hill, she laid down in the snow. Chugging the alcohol, she buried herself as deep as possible. The snow was building up quickly. Sadly, she noted the moon wasn’t visible, though Chloe didn’t have much time to mourn before her eyes shut for the last time.
January 1st, 1997
Stevie woke with a violent start, noticing that something was missing. She looked to her left. Correction, she thought, someone. She left the bedroom in a rush checking the bathroom, work room, pantry; anyplace she thought Chloe would be. Yet, she wasn’t there. She checked the clock and saw it was near 2 in the afternoon. What the fuck? She turned on the 2 o’clock news, with a news headline flashing that a woman mostly naked, holding a bottle of Bacardi rum, was found buried under many layers of snow. Dead. Frozen.
She leaned forward as they showed a picture of Chloe frost bitten, covered in glittering snow, but she didn’t mourn because Chloe had a peaceful look on her face. It was a bitter sweet feeling. With a draw on her clove cigarette, she moved on with her life, shedding maybe a tear or two.