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The Homestuck Ladyfest (Not A) New Year's Exchange 2014
Stats:
Published:
2015-01-15
Completed:
2015-01-15
Words:
2,644
Chapters:
3/3
Comments:
29
Kudos:
205
Bookmarks:
48
Hits:
1,553

Gnothi Seauton

Summary:

The Old Internet was a place where wizards still roamed. Where you could set sail in a rickety old ship and find yourself in wondrous lands. Where true names - not given names, not legal names, but handles, names of one’s own choosing - held a magic all their own. Where if you knew the right incantation, you could summon powerful beings to aid you.

It was a place where you could be anything.

Even a girl.

Notes:

Chapter Text

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> Oh great Oracle, knower of all the genders, all of them:
>
> What's the deal with gender anyway?

And in response, thus spake the Usenet Oracle:

} There are a lot of good deals to be had on genders these days if
} one knows where to look. Two-for-one bargains in particular are
} increasingly popular. The Usenet Oracle themself got their gender
} from a mysterious traveling shopkeeper many years ago at a very
} reasonable currency exchange rate.
}
} You owe the Oracle a pair of pronoun earmuffs.

This is a story about the Old Internet.

Which is to say: This is not a story about the Internet as it is today. This is a story about the Internet of legend.

You may ask: What is the difference between the two? It is the difference between Modern Greece and the Greece of the Odyssey and the Aeneid. It is the difference between a land full of tour guides and a land full of hidden goddesses.

The Old Internet was a place where wizards still roamed. Where you could set sail in a rickety old ship and find yourself in wondrous lands. Where true names - not given names, not legal names, but handles, names of one’s own choosing - held a magic all their own. Where if you knew the right incantation, you could summon powerful beings to aid you.

It was a place where you could be anything.

Even a girl.

And just as the Oracle at Delphi told fortunes for the adventurers of Classical Greece, so too were there Oracles on the Old Internet. The most famous of these was the Usenet Oracle, a mischievous, ephemeral being which hid behind a thousand masks and never told the same fortune twice. But there was another, lesser known Oracle, one who could not be found at any mappable location. Legend had it she roamed the Old Internet, appearing to those in need, guiding lost sailors to safe harbor.

The tale of the Oracle of Light spread quietly, whispered from one weary traveler to another, on BBSes, on MUDs, MOOs, and MUSHes, on locked IRC channels: She knows things, they said. She told me…something special. She saved my life. And she can save yours too. Go and find her. Here are the magic words to summon her. Tell her I sent you. She’ll understand.

But how will I know what to ask her?

She’ll know.

A decade passed, then two. Present faded into past, past into legend. The Old Internet faded away piece by piece: here a server failure, there a reorganization, until almost all that was left was in ruin. Internet historians sifted through the ruins, lovingly preserving the artifacts they discovered. Here is where something important happened, they said. Here is where the memories dwell. But the Oracle of Light did not dwell in the archives. You could not find her there. Perhaps she covered her tracks too well. Or perhaps she never existed in the first place.

But just when it seemed all had forgotten her, a new tale started, whispered from one weary traveler to another, on twitter DMs, on tumblr asks, on Skype. She’s back, they said. She helped me once, a long time ago. Here. Let me tell you the magic words. Go and find her. She can help you too.


Connected to Unknown MOO at 208.86.224.90
Username: gallowsCalibrator
Type HELP for instructions.

AT END OF ROAD
You are standing at the end of a road before a small brick
building. Around you is a forest. A small stream flows out
of the building and down a gully. Further to the west, there
is an entrance to a vast labyrinth.
] w

LABYRINTH
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike.
] xyzzy

MYSTERIOUS ROOM
You have been teleported to a small room.
There is a bell here.
] ring bell

You ring the bell loudly.
TT has arrived.
] look tt

A short, round black woman, with curly purple hair and orange robes.
Both robes and wearer are slightly worn around the edges.
Connected from: [email protected] (1 minute ago)

TT is requesting a chat with you. Open chat? [y/N]
] y


– textualTheosophist [TT] is now chatting with gallowsCalibrator [GC]

TT: You rang?
GC: 1 D1D Y3S
GC: UM
GC: 4R3 YOU TH3 OR4CL3?
TT: I’m an Oracle.
TT: Let us assume, for the sake of conversation, that I am the Oracle you seek.
TT: How may I help you?
GC: 1 N33D YOU TO T3LL M3 SOM3TH1NG
GC: 1F TH4T’S SOM3TH1NG YOU ST1LL DO
GC: TO B3 HON3ST 1 THOUGHT YOU W3R3 4 MYTH
TT: Most do.
TT: That you’ve come here to seek my counsel regardless says something about you.
TT: Something very important.
TT: So yes, I can tell you something.
TT: What is it you need told?
GC: TH4NK YOU, 1 TH1NK?
GC: TH1S 1S K1ND OF D1FF1CULT FOR M3 TO 4SK >:[
GC: BUT TH3Y S41D YOU KNOW TH1NGS
GC: L1K3 4 PSYCH1C OR SOM3TH1NG
GC: 4ND TH1S 1S SOM3TH1NG 1 R34LLY N33D TO KNOW!
TT: Please, do ask.
TT: It’s okay.
GC: UM W3LL
GC: 1
GC: 1 TH1NK 1 M1GHT B3 TR4NS
GC: 1 TH1NK 1 M1GHT B3 4 G1RL
GC: BUT 1 DON’T KNOW FOR SUR3
GC: 4ND 1TS BURN1NG M3 UP 1NS1D3 L1K3 4 DR4GONS FL4M3
GC: L1K3
GC: HOW C4N 1 R34LLY KNOW?
GC: BUT TH3Y S41D YOU WOULD KNOW
GC: SO 1M 4SK1NG YOU
GC: 4M 1 TR4NS?
TT: Yes, I can see it clearly.
TT: You are trans.
TT: You are so definitely trans.
TT: It’s you.
GC: …
GC: …
GC: …
GC: 1 DONT B3L13V3 YOU
— You have disconnected from Unknown MOO. —