It’s 1964 and I’m a young man.
President Kennedy is four months gone.
I join the FBI out of a sense of guilt and duty.
My family disowns me for choosing to lower their name.
I find a new family within a few weeks.
It’s my first drug bust, on a warehouse near the Chesapeake docks.
The vets tell me to wait in the car while they do the dirty work.
An hour passes and my worries become too much to bear.
I go in without backup and find them trapped by something my brain can’t describe
My shotgun finally kills it but not the nightmares that follow.
The vets thank me and then set fire to the warehouse.
I watch while they take the credit so I won’t take the blame.
A few weeks go by and a superior is putting his hand on my shoulder.
I’m meeting with him and two others at an unknown location at midnight.
One wears an army uniform and the other wears a bowtie.
They tell me there are more things out there that defy reality.
They tell me they fight them and keep the public sane.
They offer me a choice. Join or die.
All but the one in the bow tie. He just asks a question.
“Why did you go in without backup?”
I tense up and I tell the truth. “I didn’t want those men to die”.
He smiles and tells me “Welcome to Delta Green”.
It’s 1967 and I’ve been with Delta Green for three years.
I’ve seen things that have made me question my beliefs.
But I’ve stayed sane, as so many of us have, because of the Doctor.
He’s always been there to remind us that we’re doing the right thing.
I sometimes wonder if he’s seen what we’ve done though.
I’m assigned to investigate college girl disappearances that may be unnatural.
My partner is the Doctor but the man who meets me wears a white suit and celery.
He cures my disbelief by telling me about our meeting and we set out.
We trace the disappearances to a patch of woods outside Washington State University.
We find bodies in various states of rot. The Doctor uses tech I’m not familiar with on them.
The tech sends us to a dorm room with a good-looking man with brown hair.
He sees my badge and bolts. We chase him out of the dorm and into the woods.
I’m nearly on him when he turns and takes a shot at me. I dodge and I hear a groan.
I turn to see the doc lying on the ground. I return fire and the killer flees into the woods.
I turn back to tend to the doc, fearing the worst, and find him standing up.
“Missed both my hearts” he explains and it finally hits me.
This man’s an alien. The only alien that actually seems to be on our side.
We search the woods but the guy has escaped.
We report back to our handler and get told to drop it.
There’s nothing unnatural and the guy will probably get caught by the cops soon anyway.
I’m standing there as the Doctor screams his head off about justice for the victims.
He storms out and the handler sighs, reassuring me we did well.
The bodies disappear and are never recovered
Ted Bundy finally gets caught 11 years later.
It’s 1982 and Delta Green has changed.
The government thinks we’re gone and Majestic wants to make them right.
I haven’t seen the Doctor in two decades.
I suspect he’s left for good and almost hope I'm right.
I don’t have time to think about it because I’m pinned down by a wizard in a nightclub
My cell got a tip off about unnatural influence in a cocaine trafficking ring.
Turns out it was the dark prince of New York himself.
Now two of us are dead and the other is bleeding out next to me.
I’m pinned behind a couch as Stephen Alzis gloats about how puny we are.
The only thing keeping me from shooting him is knowing what would happen.
Not knowing to be precise.
I’m considering taking the chance when I hear a familiar sound.
A man with large ears in a leather jacket steps out and tells Alzis to cut it out.
He calls him “Master” but he says it like a proper name and not a complement.
The two engage in what a lad at PISES told me is called “banter”.
Most people here would refer to it as “insulting the other repeatedly and viciously”.
Stephen eventually, and reluctantly, tells his men to back off and we get evacuated.
The Doctor manages to patch up the bleeder and save one of the goners.
We catch up and he tells me about his adventures and I tell him about mine.
I don’t ask about his absence. I do ask why he still supports us.
He replies, looking the most serious I’ve ever seen him.
“You lot still know who the enemy is. I can’t say the same for your official colleagues”.
We both leave swearing we'll always stick up for the other.
It doesn’t last.
It’s 1993 and I’ve read up too much on the Doctor.
What’s happened to all of his “companions”.
His box might as well be a coffin.
He also had a lot of nerve talking about “knowing who the enemy is”.
Allowing aliens who have killed and exploited us to live here and rub it in our faces.
Always acting so smug, so holier than thou, while never actually having to sacrifice.
Never having to get blood on that fake human face.
I’m mulling this over as he screams at me about what’s just happened in Waco.
Ranting and raving about the dead innocents and how we’re responsible.
He doesn’t talk about the excessive ATF response. Nor the media overplaying it.
Just sorry old Delta Green who had a hunch Koresh was more than just a loon.
I look up at him. I know he didn’t come here accidentally. He knew I’d be at this bar.
Drinking away my nightmares at 9:00am in the morning.
I look up at the new face he’s wearing. A lanky scotsman with a big mouth to boot.
I look up at him for the first time, as he rants about my sins, and I get really angry.
I see my right fist connect with his cheek, sending him toppling to the floor.
I hear myself scream about necessary sacrifices.
About having to make choices he couldn’t possibly understand.
About not being able to run away from my problems in a blue box.
I tell him I would have let the men in that warehouse die if it was necessary.
That I wouldn’t have needlessly thrown away their lives.
That I would have at least visited their graves and I mention the Ponds by name.
I see myself pounding away, finally getting blood on his fake human face.
I come to my senses as the bartender pulls me off and kicks me out.
I suspect my Vietnam vet hat kept him from calling the cops on me.
I slink away back to my apartment and start working on a resignation letter.
It’s 2017 and I’m an old man.
I live alone in a cabin outside of town. A hard fought for slim pension sustains me.
I never married and never had kids. I was too afraid of what my demons might do if I did.
Sometimes, on cold winter nights or rainy fall days, I regret that decision.
I wonder if company wouldn’t be good to have. If a family legacy wouldn’t be worth it.
Then the nightmares come back.
I remember it was the only good choice I ever made.
I stand for hours looking across the lake. I don’t know what I’m looking for.
I’ve heard rumors about Delta Green starting up officially again.
I’ve also had Donald contact me about coming back to the cowboy one.
I’ve turned my back on both. I’ve made enough necessary sacrifices.
I’ve hurt enough people.
I feel a brush on my back. 5 years ago I would have spun around and struck.
Now I wait for the inevitable. I’m tired of waiting.
That’s when I hear a woman’s voice
“You know, you really should watch your drinking”.
I know before turning who it is. I still get a bit of a shock.
Before me stands a blonde in a sweater that I know for certain used to be a man.
Emotions flood through me as I try to come to terms with everything I want to say.
I settle on laughing. Laughing at what Fairfield would have said if he knew.
Laughing at being a mayfly to an immortal being.
Laughing at still being best friends with someone I punched in the face.
Laughing at the absurdity of my happiness.
She laughs too and embraces me.
“It’s good to see you again Doctor”.