Chapter Text
So we can laugh when we have fun.
So we cry when we’re sad.
What can we do when we feel empty? Tell me. Tell me.
karappo no sora ni tsubusareru; amazarashi
The first time Morax heard about the disease, he didn’t think much about it. It was one of the many evils that afflicted humanity, a misery in which he, who was dedicated more to protection than to healing, had little to do. In those days he was too busy dealing with the thirst for power from other Gods to care about something as trivial as a deadly disease.
The first time Morax had direct contact with the disease, he discovered that it wasn’t just a fatal disease. It also affected adepti and even, if the rumors were true, archons. Morax, who at that time was as healthy as an oak, spoke about his concerns with the only person with whom he shared a close bond.
Guizhong's laugh echoed across the plain so clearly that Morax didn’t even have the courage to be offended by the mockery implicit in it.
"Do you really think I could catch the hanahaki?" The woman finally asked when the spasms caused by laughter stopped.
"Didn't that young adeptus who was talking to you a few hours ago have it? I was in front of you when he showered you with flowers." The archon reminded her.
"Oh, Rex Lapis, that was really unfortunate to witness," she sighed. "You really don't know anything about the most mundane things. Actually, I should be the one worrying about you.” The woman said and she rolled her eyes. She tapped the ground beside her a couple of times and waited patiently for her old friend to sit where she had indicated.
"I don't remember the last time I was ill." The archon said, though he couldn't recall ever having been ill.
"Ah, but this isn’t a disease of the body, my dear friend, but of the mind," the woman explained. Her hands, which were as battle-hardened as Morax's own, were engaged in stroking her long hair while she gazed thoughtfully at the horizon. "A disease of the mind that affects the body, in fact." She clarified.
"I may lack about your understanding of mortals but that doesn't mean my mind is weak." Morax had replied, making Guizhong laugh again. Gentler this time.
"Ah, silly child, it's not about that. It's not about weakness or mental strength, it's about stubbornness," the goddess sneered. "And your mind is as hard as a rock."
"Now you're laughing at me."
"Of course, my dear Rex Lapis. Oh, come on, don't get up, okay, okay, I'll explain," Guizhong grabbed the edge of his cloak and forced him to back to the ground. "For me it is impossible to contract a disease that only those who keep everything for themselves contract, do you understand? You know that I am a person who always says what I feel, good or bad."
"What makes you think I'm different? I always say what I think."
"Liar. You are too gentle. You change the subject when it enters in swampy waters and although you say what you think you never say what you mean," Guizhong sentenced. Gentile. It was definitely an adjective the locals would not use to describe his archon, or at least that's what Morax thought at that time. "Luckily for you, you are too oblivious to your own feelings. So I'm not worried about you getting sick and starting spitting glaze lilies down your sandy lips."
"Sometimes I don't know why I keep hanging out with you." And with that the conversation was over. Morax left Guizhong, who was laughing her head off at his expense, and forgot about the subject for a while.
However, with the passing of the centuries he inevitably ended up acquiring all the necessary knowledge regarding that disease. The hanahaki disease. It was rumoured that it had come to Liyue across the ocean, from the distant lands of Inazuma. A life-threatening disease, but at least not overly contagious. In fact, for contagion to occur from one body to another the new host's mental state had to be similar to the sick person and, luckily for mortals, the contagion was not hundred percent effective even then.
A disease that couldn’t be cured with medication, although it did treat the worst symptoms.
Despite this, what most impressed Rex Lapis was the consequences it could have on the body of the adepti. Due to the immortal blood that flowed through their veins the mortality of the hanahaki manifested in a very different way for them. The adepti who could not overcome the hanahaki ended up with his body covered by flowers that took root in the earth and were anchored there until someone merciful enough pulled the roots out of the ground and carried out a correct cremation of the dead with the dangers that it entailed.
Although the percentage of contagion was low, the possibility was always there, after all.
At the time, Morax took care of all the friends who had fallen prey to that illness. Luckily, not many adepti went through that; however, among humans it was quite different. Fortunately, with the passing of the seasons the disease became increasingly rare, to the point that only scholars and poets knew it thoroughly. From time to time, there was always a poor unfortunate soul that ended up contracting it, but the rate of infections decreased until it was practically non-existent.
In the current times, Zhongli didn’t remember having to perform any funeral rites that included a mortal or immortal who had died suffering from this illness.
Until that moment.
When Hu Tao told him that she needed his help to arrange the funeral of a new body, he never expected to have to face that.
"Lumine," he called. "Stay away." He told the traveller while he silently examined the deceased in front of him. The girl had come to visit him at the funeral parlour in the worst moment. He didn't generally tend to deal with mortal bodies, however, after seeing the deplorable state of that body, he understood why Hu Tao had no choice but to endorse the corpse on his favourite consultant (or at least that was what the woman had said, although Zhongli was sure she just didn't know how to deal with that).
After all, a body surrounded by roots with sweet flower buds around it that bloomed directly from the skin was not something one saw every day. Zhongli was surprised, however, after all. The disease manifested itself in the final moments of the immortals who contracted it in this way. Not in humans. At best, when a human died from the hanahaki it was because he had simply choked on their own petals, at worst the roots nested in the lungs until they were flooded and the human in question died drowned in a sea of flowers.
Thus, a human entangled in his own roots was the last thing Zhongli had expected to encounter.
"Am I bothering you?" He heard the shy voice of the girl from the door and the consultant sighed before closing again the bag containing the corpse.
"No, but the disease that killed this person is potentially contagious." The man explained and then he proceeded to approach the blonde woman and Paimon who was hovering around the girl as usual.
"Ah!? Wait a minute! Isn't that dangerous for you too!?" Paimon exclaimed as Lumine narrowed her eyes and drew an expression of clear concern.
"You don't need to get upset. It is too long to explain right now, but you have nothing to worry about. It is not possible for me to contract this disease." after all, Guizhong had been right. For him, who was incapable of unravelling the mysteries of the human heart, the hanahaki was a completely alien disease.
After all, where the hanahaki preferred to nest was in the hearts of those who kept their love for themselves until the very agony of despair consumed them.
Love wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling to the ancient archon.
Human love, romantic love (to be more precise), was another story.
Zhongli had loved Guizhong, he had loved his people (he still loved them) but not like one mortal loved another. Despite the fact that he had enjoyed the pleasures of the flesh, the concept of romantic love was beyond his comprehension. Sometimes, he wondered if perhaps what he had felt for Guizhong was similar; other times, he was unable to identify himself in the verses that the poets sang to infatuation or the descriptive narratives of it.
"Are you sure?" Lumine asked while she took a couple of steps back so that Zhongli could leave the room where the deceased were resting.
"Yes" replied the man, hoping that the nostalgia would leave his heart while he walked with the traveller and her companion to the upper floor of the funeral parlour. "What brings you here?" he finally asked when they were away from the blossoming roots of his memories.
"Oh! Actually… I come because I need your help. If you want and have time, of course."
"A new contract between the two of us? You know that if I can help you I will gladly do it."
"It's about Xiao." Zhongli's hand stayed on the doorknob of his office for a couple of seconds before deciding to finally open the door. He and his two companions went through it.
"Is something wrong with him?" he asked finally trying to sound disinterested. The fact that the girl seemed unfazed by her actions indicated to him that he had succeeded.
"Oh no, it's nothing serious. It's about the lantern rite. Verr Goldet asked me to take Xiao with me to see it but it's proving quite… difficult."
"You mean impossible," Paimon blurted out as she moved her little body in frustration. "We have done everything to try to convince him but he keeps refusing over and over again. Do you have any archon tricks? Do you know his weak point? Anything’s fine!"
"Xiao has never liked crowds," Zhongli said and Paimon could not help but sigh. "I don't think I'm the best person to help you with this assignment, I'm afraid. Given our… circumstances," Zhongli walked to his desk and silently he pull out a small red bag wrapped in a white bow. "Besides, I never got Xiao to accompany me to see the rite" he clarified. It wasn't like he hadn't tried in the past until… well, he stopped trying at some point.
Just as he had stopped trying with everyone else.
The more time he spent among mortals the more aware he was that he had simply been imposing his presence to others. It had been an unpleasant discovery that only reaffirmed that he had made the right decision about his course of action. Perhaps he had been somewhat drastic in terms of executing him, but it didn't matter anymore.
"What is this? Is it food?" Paimon's voice pulled him out of her melancholy and before the talking fairy got too close to the bag Zhongli threw it to the traveller.
"Prevent your partner from eating it, it's a medicine too powerful for mortals, so as you may understand no, it's not food," Zhongli warned the traveller. "It's for Xiao." He clarified at the look of confusion Lumine gave him. Zhongli imagined that after such a long time without seeing each other and with him not having time to contact Verr Goldet himself, Xiao's medicine reserves would be at their lowest.
“He is sick?” she asked.
"It's more complicated than that," was what the former archon replied as he proceeded to close his desk drawer. He hesitated but finally leaned against the edge of the desk to look at the two women (or well, a woman and a girl depending on the actual age of the talking fairy, which he was unable to guess).
"But you're not going to tell me, are you?" Lumine asked.
"It’s not my story to tell." Furthermore, Zhongli did not wish to talk about Xiao. The more aware he was of all he had done wrong with the adeptus, the guiltier he felt. That medicine was the only poor comfort he could offer him. Even if he wanted to see him to apologize, even if he wanted to see him to try to regain the bond that had united them, Zhongli doubted it was possible. It was not possible to reverse time, it was not possible for him to go back to the days when he was able to gather his people around him without having to chase them.
Have any of them really considered you their friend?
He silenced the insidious whisper in his head as he proceeded to blink a few times and clear his throat.
It was normal that they had grown apart. After so many years, all the adepti had formed their lives away from him. There was no reason for him to feel sadness for it.
"I'll give it to him," Lumine said while she put the bag in one of the pockets of her white suit. "Zhongli," she called. "Are you okay? You seem distracted," the man's golden eyes widened slightly in surprise. "Is the disease you talked about before very dangerous?”
"Ah," the man smiled softly, after all, it was impossible for anyone to know the insides of his soul more than he did. He denied. "In recent times most of the cases have recovered successfully. That’s why I was so surprised to see a body in such a deplorable state."
“If you say it…”
"In that case we'd better get moving! We still have to find some way to get Xiao here. We can try the shopping street!" Paimon said.
"You just want me to buy you lunch." The traveller replied to Paimon while she made a farewell gesture to Zhongli, who raised his hand out of sheer inertia as he watched them walk away from his office and the funeral parlour. It was not long before he leaned out of the window that was in the direction of the street to watch Lumine and Paimon wander the streets of Liyue and, inevitably, his mind ended up getting lost in the memories of a not so distant past.
Alatus.
Xiao.
The last time he see him.
"Xiao." Morax called from the balcony of the Wangshu Inn. His hands lightly gripped the railing that prevented the unruly children from falling from a considerable height.
He waited.
His eyes roamed the luminous decorations that adorned the edges of the structure, celestial lanterns anchored in the wood here and there. Morax vaguely wondered if those who were lost would find their way home if they followed the lights. The sound of the wind behind him as well as the sound of metal crashing against wood was all it took for him to slowly turn his face back to stare at one of his oldest allies. Xiao had one of his knees stuck to the ground.
It didn't matter how many times he told him that it wasn’t necessary.
"Master." The vigilant greeted. The young man's face stared at the ground as if that were the most fascinating thing in the world. Morax would have laughed if he had been in the mood, yet he wasn't. How many more years did they plan to continue with the same old dance?
"You can get up, Xiao." The archon gave a weary sigh after uttering those words and waited for his old friend to rise.
"Something happens?"
"Does something have to happen to come to see you?" Morax asked. The adeptus arched his right brow in response and the taller man shifted slightly uncomfortably in his place. Had they grown so far apart? Perhaps, the real question would be Who of the two had distanced first?
There was a small, weak coughing and finally Morax held out his hand to Xiao again.
One more year.
"They say that the rite of the lantern is going to be especially lively this time. I was wondering if you would like to join me this year." The archon requested.
In the past, Morax had ordered countless things to his disciple.
Nevertheless, he never obligated him to stay by his side if that wasn't his desire.
The silence stretched between them for a period of time long enough for Morax to know in advance that the answer would be the same as always. Still, like a rock, he continued to hold his hand out to the yaksha until he finally heard him sigh. He saw doubt painting his face, saw the glimpse in his old face, him wanting to say something and then changing his mind. His fingers slowly drew inward without closing his hand, expectantly.
"I appreciate you being here, master, but I think you should invite Ganyu instead of me. You know she feels much more comfortable around humans than I do." Xiao shook his head before crossing his arms.
Another barrier between them.
"I suppose you're right," the archon heard himself say as he finally dropped his hand back to his original position, his fingers, however, found themselves unconsciously closing and opening. "Although you should take advantage of the holidays to rest, even if it's a couple of days."
"I'm fine," the yaksha replied without the characteristic laziness with which he used to treat everyone else. "I take the pertinent breaks from time to time; you shouldn’t worry about such trivialities."
"Is that so?" Morax's smile, gentle as always, did not reach his eyes, however, since his companion was looking anywhere other than his face, he was not able to see it. "Then I'd better leave you alone. Have a happy lantern rite, Xiao." The archon said.
"You too, master." The yaksha said. Morax watched him silently and it was not until he looked again at the starry sky that he could see from that place that he heard the sound of the adepti getting lost in the wind.
Morax wondered why he kept insisting.
Zhongli didn’t have the answer.
The contradiction in his mind was ridiculous. The desire to not want to impose his presence on others, the desire to not be alone, the desire to not leave others alone.
The more time he spent surrounded by humans, the more he understood what was the feeling that had nested in his heart during his last years as Rex Lapis and despite understanding, despite trying with all his might, it was impossible for him to shake off the feeling of loneliness that had created a home in his heart.
He wondered if Xiao had ever felt this way.
Deep in his heart he hoped not.
While Zhongli watched through the window Liyue sky darkened, announcing the storm that would soon fall on the heads of its habitants, a small cough shook his body.