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Awfully Queer to Me

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A loud crack echoes across the dungeon just as a searing pain explodes across Selena's bare ass. "One! One ass-flogging!" cries out Count von Count a second later, followed by his distinctive laughter.

"Does Selena want Elmo to show her the Count's dungeon?" Elmo had asked her earlier that afternoon, once they had finished filming their segment, and Selina, unable to refuse the adorable bundle of red fur, had agreed. One thing had led to another and now she finds herself stripped naked and tied to a a BDSM trellis, while the Count stands behind her wielding a wicked-looking flogger.

"A safeword is very important for responsible bondage play," Elmo had intoned with solemnity. "Just say 'abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz' and all play will stop."

"Say what?" Selina had said, blinking.

"'Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz,'" the small monster repeated, but Selina was still unable to make out what he said. Something beginning with "abca-" and ending with something like "stoovixes," with "jekyl" in the middle. Or was "jekyl" at the end? She can't remember now. "That's not a word," she'd said.

"Sure it is," said Elmo. "Big Bird told Elmo it. It is Big Bird's favorite word."

The crack! and the pain make a reprise, forcing Selena's thoughs back to the present, and the Count calls out, "Two! Two ass-floggings!"

"Abcamonojekylstoovixes," Selena tries desperately, but Elmo just laughs.

"That's not a word!" he says. "Selena is funny!"

"Neither is the other thing," retorts Selena, but that doesn't keep the Count from striking her ass with the flogger again, delightfully counting it off: "Three! Three ass-floggings!"

The Count counts to four, then five, then six. Seven. Eight. Selena finds herself losing herself (how's that for an oxymoron?) in the sensation, and suddenly the Count is all the way up to thirteen. How did that happen?

"Boy," says Elmo, "Selena is really wet Down There." She is wet, she realizes, as wet as she ever has been, but nonetheless she squirms in her restraints as the monster brigns a furry hand to her pubes. It makes contact with her vulva the same moment the Count's flogger slaps against her ass, and her entire body spasms involuntarily as a wave of--pleasure? pain? both? something else?--washes over her.

Elmo laughs. "Is Selena ticklish Down There?" he asks. "Elmo likes to tickle."

Oh, my God, I'm being raped by a Muppet, Selena thinks. "Abca-" she tries, but even if she remembered the safeword, had any idea at all how to pronounce it, she wouldn't be able to get it out, not with how heavy her breathing has become. Elmo's hand brushes against her clit and at this point her brain has completely lost control of her body because she's thrusting her hips forward in order to grind against it.

"Sixteen!" shouts the Count. "Sixteen ass-floggings!"

She's coming by the time he hits eighteen--an orgasm deeper and more powerful and more mind-blowing than any she's had before--and there's a crack of thunder after nineteen, which Elmo and the Count seem to take as a signal to stop.

"One! One orgasm!" says the Count.

So she's left there, still tied up and naked, panting, as the two stand and watch her. After a moment, she manages to catch her breath, but she realizes she's just as vulnerable as ever. She watches in--horror, shock, anticipation, goddamn arousal, take your pick--as the Count opens up a cabinet and pulls out a pair of small metal objects. "One! One nipple clip!" he counts. "Two! Two nipple clips!" There is yet another clap of thunder and the Count laughs. Elmo joins in, his high-pitched chuckle somehow making the Count's deep baritone seem all the more hysterical and unhinged.

The clips bite the moment the Count puts them on, and they plus the sting of her ass plus the feeling of just-been-fucked add up to the sort of burning which--well, Selena doesn't know what, except that she's as aware of her body as she's ever been, and damn if it isn't--beautiful. She's hyper-aware of every moment as it passes, every single sensation, and it is in this state that she hears a familiar voice call down from above: "Anyone down there?"

And Selena's heart pretty much stops when Elmo gleefully calls back up: "Elmo is down here with Selena and the Count!"

Tied up and naked, there's no place for Selena to go, no way for her to hide, as Demi slowly comes into view. She'd known that Demi had been on Sesame Street at the same time, to film a scene about food groups with Oscar and Cookie Monster; the two girls had even had plans to meet up after they both were done filming. But their plans had never included anything like this.

Demi just stares for a minute, doesn't pretend not to be looking as her gaze passes all the way down Selena's form. And Selena's an actor, an entertainer, used to being on display, but never has her body been put on display quite like this, quite literally naked and bare with no power to cover herself. She's not sure if the fact that Demi's such a close friend makes it better or worse. "Demi, you have to help me!" she begs. "I'm naked and tied up and they won't stop doing things to me unless I say some unpronounceable safeword which isn't even a real word. Abrcadabramonopoly or something."

"Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz?" Demi offers.

Selena blinks. "That's it. At least, I think so. What is it?"

"It starts out like an A-word, that's pretty clear to see," Demi says, but there's a strange cadence to her voice, as if she's quoting something, "but somewhere 'round the middle it gets awfully queer to me." On the word "queer," Demi rests her hand on Selena's breast, her thumb gently caressing the metal if the nipple clip. An electric shiver travels through Selena's spine at the touch.

Demi smiles. "Elmo," she says, "I think Selena wants another orgasm."

"No, Demi, please no," Selena begs, but the little furry red monster is already approaching.

Selena didn't realize that Muppets could perform cunnilingus--isn't his tongue sewn to the bottom of his mouth or something?--but holy fuck if the ball of fur doesn't give good head. Apparently the denizens of Sesame Street receive a curriculum which is somewhat more extensive than that shown on camera.

Demi just watches, amused, for about half a minute, then says, "Repeat after me: abca."

"Abca," Selena repeats.

"Defgee." Demi pronounces it with a hard g.





"M-monop." She's breathing heavy again, barely able to get the word (or part of a word) out.


"Kuh--" Selena gasps, does her best to take a deep breath, then tries again. "Kerstoooooo," she says at last, the word turning into a moan halfway through.

"Vixes," Demi finishes.

"Vixes," Selena repeats.

Demi nods. "Now say it all together: abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz."

"Abc--abcdefghi--abcdefghijklmnopqrSTUVWXYZ!" Selena finally manages to get out, her voice rising in pitch and volume as she comes closer and closer to her second climax (and she's never been multiply orgasmic before, when it's been just her and her hand beneath the bedsheets)--and then, suddenly, Elmo pulls away, leaving Selena balancing on the edge, sure that all she needs is one more touch to send her over into orgasm. "No, don't stop."

"But Selena said the safeword," says Elmo, sounding confused.

"You're sort of sending mixed messages here," Demi agrees. "What do you want?"

"I. Want. To. Be. Fucked."

Demi takes a step backwards. "Elmo?"

But Elmo doesn't move. "Elmo wants to hear Selena beg."

"Please," Selena begs immediately, too desperate to do anything but comply with whatever the monster wants, no matter how humiliating. "Pretty please. I want you to eat me out, Elmo. I want your little Muppet mouth on my cunt. I'm begging you. Please."

Satisfied, Elmo resumes his cunnilingus, and the waves of pleasure return, quickly building to their crescendo. As they do, Selena finds herself watching Demi as the other girl watches her orgasm with a delighted fascination, a fact which only serves to multiply Selena's climax when it comes. Who knew having one of her best friends watch her getting eaten out by a Muppet could be so hot?

"Here," says Demi, once the orgasm has passed and Selena hangs limply from her restraints. "Let me get you down from there."

"Thanks," says Selena as Demi deftly unties the knots holding her to the trellis. "How long have you've known this was down here?"

"About a year," Demi says. "It may possibly have involved a threesome with Grover and Prairie Dawn."

Selena nods, processing the information. "I didn't know Grover was into kink," she says as she pulls on her panties. "So, what does 'abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz' mean anyway?"

Demi laughs and hands Selena her bra. "It might be kind of an elephant," she suggests, in singsong, "or a funny kind of kazoo. Or strange, exotic turtle you never see in a zoo. Or maybe a kind of a doggie, or particular shade of blue, or maybe a pretty flower."

Selena makes a face. "Not with a name like that."

For some reason, this makes Demi laugh, and it suddenly occurs to Selena that Demi is really, really pretty when she laughs. "It's the alphabet," Demi explains. "A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P-Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z. Here, let me show you." She pulls out her smartphone, and after a minute of searching, hands it to Selena. It's playing a YouTube clip from 1969, with Big Bird and an African-American woman named Susan.

"Well, I'm sorry I didn't watch Sesame Street when I was"--Selena does the math in her head--"negative twenty-three."

"Neither did I," says Demi, still laughing. "But it's a classic."

"It's okay, Selena," says Elmo. "Elmo wasn't around back then either."

"Come on," says Demi, reaching out a hand once Selena's finished getting dressed. "Let's go get some dinner."

Selena takes Demi's hand and lets Demi lead her up the steps out of the Count's dungeon. But she has a feeling they'll be back down there again, and soon.