Work Text:
“Listen… I know it’s been a long day, and you guys all probably just want to go to bed, but all of us in the hyung line have agreed that it’s gotten to the point where we just can’t ignore it anymore. I think it’s time we address…” Namjoon held his breath for a moment. Jungkook had seen his hyung serious before, and they’ve had plenty of meetings like this over the years to address issues between the members-- arguments, misunderstandings, and miscommunications alike. But usually, everyone sort of had a guess as to what they were getting into before they got into it. This time, it was different. This time, Jungkook had no idea.
“...Jimin and Jungkook.” Namjoon finished, his face flushing ever so slightly, only enough for those who know him so well to notice.
“Me and Jungkook?” Jimin widened his eyes in confusion, turning his head to look at Jungkook briefly before focusing again on Namjoon. Jungkook felt a little sense of relief knowing Jimin was just as lost as he was.
“Yeah,” Namjoon coughed and scratched the back of his neck before continuing, “have you guys noticed anything… weird with you two?” Seeing the blank expressions he was receiving as a response to the question, Namjoon clarified: “Like, different from the others. Your dynamic, I mean.” He was stumbling over his words. Jungkook didn’t know his hyung to be the type to stumble so much in speech like this before. Physically, sure, the guy was a clumsy mess. The God of Destruction, their fans so lovingly named him. But not with his words-- Namjoon always spoke with full intent. Words were precious to him.
Something was definitely up.
“I’m not sure… I mean…” Jungkook felt the sweat underneath his armpits, “I’m closer with Jimin-hyung, if that’s what you’re trying to say? I usually go to him with… stuff.” His face was getting pink, he just knew it.
“I’d trust Jungkook with my life,” Jimin added, nodding his head. Jungkook’s heart skipped a beat at that. “But I don’t see how that’s a problem?”
“It’s not, of course it’s not-” Namjoon shook his hands, waving away that remark to get to his point. “I guess… well… what I’m trying to say is- I suppose, we’re trying to say-”
“Are you guys fucking or not?” Yoongi interrupted, calm as ever in his bluntness, probably knowing the effect his words would have on the room but unable to care any less.
As Yoongi said this, the water that Hoseok had been sipping out of his water bottle sprayed fountain-like out of his mouth and onto Jin’s face. Jin let out a unanimously ignored yah! and hit Hoseok’s shoulder, who mumbled his apologies as Yoongi continued: “Seriously, it’s been, like, years. And don’t act like the tension’s not there, because we can all feel it. The fans, too.”
Jungkook had never felt his face get so flushed in his life, and his heart was pounding-- they had all been dancing for hours on end just a little while earlier, but that had nowhere near the dramatic effect on his heart that the current conversation did. He was starting to tremble, an anxious habit of his he’d never really figured out how to suppress.
“Way to put it gently, Yoongi.” Namjoon muttered, glaring at his hyung.
“What? The rate you were going, they wouldn’t have gotten the point until our next comeback.” Yoongi smirked to himself as he took a sip of his iced americano. 9pm, and the guy was drinking coffee. Not that Jungkook was surprised. And not that he could even spare that thought a second of attention after the bomb that had just been dropped.
Jungkook dared to look over at Jimin, who seemed to be reacting in a completely opposite way than he was. His face was white as a sheet and he remained frozen in place, perfect posture with eyes fixed straight ahead of him. Jungkook couldn’t bear looking at him in all his discomfort, so he turned back to Yoongi and Namjoon again, looking back and forth between them and stuttering.
“We’re-- we’re not--” His voice was crackling from a lack of self-confidence. “Jimin and I are just--”
“Friends.” Jimin finished for him, his tone even and unwavering. Jungkook could practically feel the boy’s heat radiating off of him immediately to his left, but he couldn’t look at his hyung. “We’ve always been friends.”
“But you said so yourself, you’re closer with each other than everyone else,” Hoseok piped up, having made a weak attempt to wipe off the water he’d spit onto Jin-- unsuccessfully, seeing as it had already soaked into his pants. “Except maybe you and Taehyung, Jimin, though literally everyone knows you’re soulmates.” Taehyung had been out of it the whole time, staring at the ceiling, but acknowledged this with a wink and finger guns in Jimin’s direction.
“We’re not fucking,” Jungkook managed to blurt out finally, trying to mask his nerves with conviction. Trying to seem assured in the truth, which was that him and Jimin were just friends, even if that hadn’t always been true.
At least, not for Jungkook.
Five years ago, early into the band’s debut, he and Jimin had one of their worst arguments. Jungkook could still remember it so vividly: it had been such a long day-- not unlike this one -- full of training and choreographies and mistakes, their muscles completely exhausted and their guards down, too far down. He and Jimin were the last ones at the studio when Jungkook made a bitter comment, still so young and hormonal and bad at controlling his temper. He couldn’t remember exactly how it happened, or what the fight was even about, but the tense conversation turned into yelling, which turned into Jimin declaring in a huff, his face a deep fuchsia: “Do whatever you want!” and slamming the door behind him.
It took all but five seconds for Jungkook to burst into tears, his body so exhausted that he knelt on the ground sobbing, just wanting his hyung back, just wanting to apologize and take back every word. The other members knew this story; it was one they’d told a few times in the years that passed and laughed about, reflecting on how much they’d grown and matured since the early days. But they didn’t know everything.
Jungkook called Jimin when he was on his way back to the dorm in tears, which was immediately answered with forgiveness and subsequent apologies (Jimin, too, regretted everything the moment he left). He took a taxi back, anxious to get to his hyung and out of the rain which was thundering onto the city, like the drops were bullets falling from the sky. When he got back, Jimin was there, waiting, waiting for him , an umbrella over his head and the glowing screen of his phone lighting his beautiful face perfectly. He always looks so perfect , Jungkook remembered thinking-- he is so perfect .
Jungkook scrambled to pay the cab and burst through the door, shouting Jimin’s name over the screaming rain. The way he’d looked up at the tear-struck boy… Jungkook would never forget it. The remorse and concern behind his eyes was unlike anything he’d seen in his hyung’s face before.
Jimin later joked with the boys that they’d run into each other’s arms like in Slam Dunk, which wasn’t untrue . But it wasn’t the full truth either.
What he didn’t tell the rest of the group was that, while Jimin was undoubtedly going in for a tight embrace, Jungkook had rejected it for a spontaneous, toe-curling, heart-stopping kiss.
It was brief, only a few seconds long. But it didn’t matter, because it still left Jungkook’s mind whirling for countless nights after. His fingers trembled in the moment not only from the cold rain as he held Jimin’s face.
“I’m so sorry, hyung,” he’d squeaked, his voice failing after they parted lips.
“I know, Jungkook.” Jimin said. The shock was still on his face from what Jungkook had done, but his eyes were soft, understanding the boy completely. He pulled Jungkook into a tight hug, his arms around the maknae’s shoulders. “I know,” he repeated in a whisper.
They never discussed that part of the incident after it happened. They didn’t really need too-- for all Jimin knew, that kiss was nothing. Just the result of a long day and too many tired, confused, and guilty feelings. And Jungkook wasn’t sure he wanted Jimin to know just how much time he spent worrying after, overthinking the whole interaction and their entire relationship. He didn’t know that Jungkook’s collapse in South America on the WINGS tour was not just from physical exhaustion, but emotional exhaustion too. It was that night, actually, as Namjoon had given him a lecture about being careful and attentive to his body, that Jungkook decided enough was enough. Jimin was his best friend in the whole world, more important to him than anything, and worrying about wanting something more wasn’t worth potentially hurting the band’s success. And more importantly, it wasn’t worth hurting the members’ already incredibly special relationships with each other.
But as he sat there again with the whole band, a few years older and stronger than they’d ever been, he still wasn’t sure what Namjoon meant. Things were… different between him and Jimin? Different how?
“I don’t understand.” Jungkook looked over at the sound of Jimin’s voice to see him shaking his head. “Jungkook and I have always been close. So why bring it up now?” It was eerie to Jungkook how Jimin seemed to be taking the questions from right out of his mind.
“Because it’s never been as intense as it is now,” Jin contributed for the first time, in his unfailingly dramatic way. “Did you guys watch the most recent Run episode that came out? You’re honestly doing everything but fucking at this point!”
“Hyung,” Namjoon put his hand on Jin’s arm,“easy now, these are their feelings we’re talking about. You guys seriously all lack emotional tact.” He shook his head.
“Who would we be if not tactless?” Yoongi pointed out, gesturing with his coffee still in hand. “It’s simply the Bangtan way.”
“Namjoon’s right guys, be nice.” Hoseok jumped in, sending a gentle-yet-stern look in Yoongi’s direction. That shut him up, and Yoongi almost looked sheepish as he shrunk on the spot. Hoseok had a way of managing Yoongi that Jungkook would never understand.
“Can we focus, please? So Jungkook and I can be a bit…” Jimin searched the floor in front of him for whatever word he was looking for, “- touchy . That’s what the fans like about us! That’s what they want.” Jungkook felt a pang in his chest as he saw the distress behind Jimin’s eyes. His hyung looked toward his soulmate: “Tae?”
“Hmm?” Taehyung had been inspecting his own palms with intense focus the whole time, but looked up. To an outsider, he probably appeared absent from the conversation, in his own world. But Jungkook knew Taehyung better than that-- the boy was a thinker. He internalized everything , all the time. And there was no doubt a million thoughts that had run through his head as the conversation ensued.
“I want to know your opinion on all this,” Jimin insisted, his eyes still desperate.
“Well…” Tae looked back up at the ceiling again, taking his time. “I think Jin-hyung is right.” Jimin slouched at this. Clearly, it was not the response he was looking for.“I’m all for it if you guys want to fuck-- like, by all means, you do you. You like each other’s shitty jokes-- all Jungkook has to do is breathe in your direction Jimin and you’re practically in tears laughing-- and you stare at each other when the other isn’t looking... You talk about each other all the time, you take care of each other when you’re sick, you finish each other’s--”
“--sentences, we get it Tae.” Jimin finished. Taehyung shrugged, unfazed by the interruption.
“Yeah. My point is, you seem like you like each other in that way, and from what I think I understand about what the others have said, they worry you two will never discuss it amongst yourselves. Like, you’ll never actually sit down and figure it out together. So, they brought it up first for you.” Jungkook was impressed with Taehyung’s perceptive nature. But it wasn’t the first time his hyung had stayed silent during a meeting only to surprise everyone with his intelligence and an impeccable summary-- that was Taehyung’s way. He was the secret genius of the group, in Jungkook’s opinion. “The hardest part of conversations like these is always initiating them,” he added wisely.
“So… what do you want from us?” Jimin responded, his tone brazen and a little harsh. Jungkook didn’t take it to heart-- he knew his hyung was just feeling emotional.
Namjoon softened at this question, his shoulders relaxing a little more and his eyes looking fondly between the two boys. Ever the older brother, IQ 148: “I think a better question, Jimin, is what do you want?”
Jungkook’s heart dropped to his stomach. He’d been asked that question before: what do you want ? What do you want , in the context of, for your solo song in this comeback? Or, for your part in this choreo ? Or, for your look in this MV? But something about the question what do you want in the context of Jimin, his Jimin, the person he so deeply cared about… it made him feel like his bones were vibrating. Like he was about to sprout wings out of his back and fly into the heavens.
Like he had a really, truly had a choice in his life, in what happens next.
“I want Jungkook to be happy.” Jungkook heard the boy’s gentle voice say. He turned and saw Jimin’s eyebrows turned upwards, a strange look on his face. Almost like… longing .
It was then that Jimin finally met his eyes.
“What do you want?” He murmured. Jimin spoke like he only wanted Jungkook to hear, though it was impossible with the room dead silent and the others’ full attention on them in anticipation for what would happen next. Jungkook’s stomach churned. There was that question again. What do you want?
“I want…” he paused, thinking. In reality, only a few minutes had passed since Jungkook had last spoken. But his voice felt like he hadn’t used it in days.
“I want to talk to Jimin.” He barely managed to tear his gaze from Jimin’s and shift it toward all his hyungs, who shared the same blank expressions of confusion on their faces. “Alone,” he clarified.
Jin, Taehyung, and Yoongi all groaned at this, deeply engrossed in their exchange and disappointed to not hear the rest. Namjoon and Hoseok, however, were more than happy to leave the two to sort things out, patting them on the back comfortingly and giving them looks of affirmation.
“Alright guys, get out, let them talk…” Jungkook heard Namjoon’s voice as the boys made shuffling sounds, leaving the room and shutting the door, but he wasn’t really listening because he was looking at Jimin again. Jimin was staring at the floor.
They were finally alone.
And Jungkook had no fucking clue what to say next.
There wasn’t the convenience of a painful argument or pouring rain anymore. Just them, and the full knowledge that whatever was said or done was genuine. No more heat-of-the-moment stuff.
Luckily, Jungkook didn’t have to panic for long, because much to his surprise, Jimin spoke first.
“Have we been different lately?” He looked up from the ground to the boy with uncertainty.
“I don’t know. It doesn’t feel like we have.” Jungkook responded.
“Right. That’s what I think too.”
“We’re just…” Jungkook trailed off. Just what? What were they? “We’re just us. We love each other.”
It was true. They said it all the time. Ok, going home now, love you hyung!, Love you too, drive safe!, Sleep well, love you, good morning, love you, all the time. But that didn’t make it any less difficult to hear out loud in such a delicate conversation, to say it with his own voice. He never knew how much context could change the value of a few little words.
“We do.” Jimin’s face looked a little twisted, like he was in pain. Like there was something he wasn’t saying. “Jungkook…”
“Yeah?”
“Do you ever think about that time in the rain?”
Jungkook’s intestines leapt to his throat, rendering him completely unable to speak. Does he ever think about that time in the rain? Fuck yes, Jungkook thought. Only all the time .
“Yeah,” was what came out instead.
“Why did you kiss me?” He had to hand it to him, Jimin had learned a thing or two from spending so much time with Yoongi. The Jimin that Jungkook had known only a few years ago wasn’t so bold, so raw, so unashamed .
“Well- I-” Jungkook was stuttering again. Damnit. “It was a long day. We were tired, hyung, I wasn’t thinking straight.” Ironic, his mind echoed in the voice of Jin-hyung. Jungkook promptly demanded his brain to shut up. Not the time for jokes. “I felt like shit for yelling at you and was so relieved when you weren’t mad anymore.”
“I’m not so sure.” Jimin said, his eyes narrowing, suspicious.
“About what?”
“All that. I’m just not sure if that’s… enough. Friends don’t just kiss each other like that, Jungkookie. Maybe if they’re wasted, but not when they’re tired. Not as an apology.” Jimin was holding his ground, and it scared Jungkook how secure he seemed with the whole situation. Wasn’t it just moments ago that he too had been shaken to the core, pale and frozen in place? “Did you…?”
Jimin didn’t have to finish. Jungkook knew what he was asking.
Time moved like a bee through honey.
“Yes,” Jungkook breathed the word more than said it, his hands and legs trembling. “Yes, Jimin, I liked you.”
There was a heavy silence for only a moment, but it felt like forever. Jungkook thought a person could drown in that kind of silence, drown in waiting. A person could suffocate from the lack of response to a statement like that. He couldn’t read Jimin’s face, because he wasn’t looking at Jimin anymore. He couldn’t bring himself to it, not in all this quiet.
Until…
“Liked?”
Jimin’s voice was small as he said it. As small as Jungkook felt. He whipped his head up.
“I- well- granted, I didn’t really know I liked you until after it happened, but once it did, it all sort of made sense. I spent so many nights thinking about it, hyung, I wondered what it meant and if I fucked up, but we just weren’t talking about it, so I had to sort things out on my own.” Suddenly, everything was coming out, and when Jungkook started talking, he couldn’t seem to stop. “When I collapsed in Chile, it wasn’t just because my body was tired-- I was tired, I wasn’t sleeping at all at the time. I even asked Yoongi-hyung once because we were the only two people up, ‘What do you think would happen if two of us liked each other?’ Like, in the band, you know, and he just said that it was unlikely to happen because we all care about maintaining a healthy dynamic so much that we’d probably block out any feelings like that for one another. I took that to heart and I guess I just kept doing everything I could to not like you, and it sort of worked, I think. Now that I think about it, though, I probably shouldn’t have trusted Yoongi-hyung with that, because sometimes I wonder about him and Hoseok, but-”
“Jungkook-ah, oh my god, slow down,” Jimin interrupted, “You’re barely even breathing, you're talking so fast!” Jungkook looked up and saw Jimin laughing at him, his face slightly flushed and his eyes wrinkled in that cute way they always do when he smiles. He felt immediately more at ease just looking at the boy.
“Sorry,” Jungkook mumbled, trying to calm his trembling hands. “You’re not mad?”
Jimin’s eyes widened in surprise at that question. “Of course not. I just, well…” his cheeks got even more pink as he grew shy. “I always thought you were straight.”
Jungkook let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding at that, and even managed a laugh. “Really?”
Jimin nodded vigorously, sitting up straighter. “Yeah! I mean, now that the guys were here, and we’re actually talking, and I’m remembering that time in the rain, I realize it was stupid of me to think so. But it’s part of the reason why I let myself get away with hugging and touching you so much, you know? The other guys, I mean, they’re pretty ambiguous so I didn’t want to be affectionate and send the wrong signals. Besides Tae, because, you know-” Jungkook nodded to affirm that Jimin didn’t need to expand on that point “-soulmates, and all that. But you… I don’t know! You just seemed so straight , I thought you wouldn’t care any less if I flirted with you and stuff.”
“I’ll try not to take offense to that,” Jungkook laughed. “To be fair, I basically was straight until I met you. Wait-” Jungkook stopped himself, processing what Jimin had said just a little late.
It was during that pause that they both spoke at the same time so their statements mingled into a confusing, indecipherable mess: “Untilyoumetflirtwithme?”
Jimin’s face flushed and Jungkook felt his do the same. “You first,” Jimin insisted.
“You flirt with me?” Jungkook knew Jimin was caring towards him, but fondness was very different from flirting.
Jimin’s eyes widened again. “Are you kidding? Is it not obvious?” There was an uncertain yet lighthearted grin on the boy’s face.
“I just thought-”
“I was a flirty person? I am.” Jimin agreed. “But not that affectionate. Jesus Christ, Jungkook, I practically drape myself over you at every possible opportunity.” Jungkook couldn’t understand how Jimin’s face could get even more red, and yet, it was. “And I can say that out loud to you because I am a secure, confident, self-aware person.” Jimin declared, gently pressing his fist against his leg with every other word, clearly trying to convince himself of something and not addressing Jungkook at all with the statement.
“Oh.” Jungkook was at a loss for words. What exactly was Jimin saying? Did he like Jungkook, or did he just like flirting with him? Were they friends, or were they more? “What was your question?” He blurted, aching for a change of subject. Deflect, deflect, deflect, Jungkook’s brain chanted.
“Oh…” Jimin grinned shyly. “I asked-- until you met me? You were straight until you met me?”
Jungkook didn’t know how to respond to that. I mean, it was true. That was what he’d said, wasn’t it? Out loud, goddamnit.
“Yeah,” he replied quietly. “I mean, probably not really , you know. But I didn’t realize until…”
“Right,” Jimin nodded, and Jungkook could tell he was pleased with himself. He knew Jimin was going to hold this against him for the rest of time, and while he wanted to say he dreaded all the inevitable teasing that was to come, he couldn’t. Because it was Jimin, and Jimin could do basically whatever he wanted with Jungkook and get away with it.
There was a little break in the conversation as Jungkook tried to sort out all the thoughts in his brain, which was practically throbbing from all the information he was trying to process. It was all so blurry, and even though they were finally getting it all out there, Jungkook still felt so confused.
So, he was honest: “I’m still so confused.”
“About?”
“Like… what does this mean? You flirt with me? The kiss and everything… it didn’t bother you?”
“Oh my god , you’re such an idiot” Jimin rolled his eyes, exasperated. Then, he leaned towards Jungkook, took the boy’s shoulders in his hands, and rocked him back and forth with each syllable that came out of his mouth next: “I. Like. You. Jeon. Jung. Kook.”
Oh.
Oh.
“Oh!” Jungkook blinked. But the wave of excitement that washed over him left as quickly as it came. “Fuck, Jimin, I’m so sorry.”
And then he was crying. Fucking hell, he was a grown man, crying-- sobbing . His face was in his hands, and he felt them grow damp. Jungkook’s breath kept catching, and he thought he must’ve looked just like the child he’d been that night in the rain. He could hear himself muttering over and over, the same phrases: “I didn’t know, I’m so sorry hyung, I didn’t know, I’m sorry…” And then Jimin was holding him, gently rubbing his shoulders and shushing him, telling him it’s okay, he did nothing wrong, confused and concerned.
“Why are you crying?” Jimin’s voice was so achingly sweet that it made Jungkook want to cry even more. But after a few shaky deep breaths, he managed to pull himself together enough to answer.
“I- I feel so bad ,” he stuttered. “All this time, and all this energy I put into trying not to think about it when you were thinking about it too, feeling the same way I did, maybe even struggling like I was. I flirted with you back, thinking it didn’t matter, you didn’t feel the same, and it could do no harm. I was so stupid .”
Jimin moved Jungkook’s hands away from his face at this, and took it in his own. He held the boy’s face not too differently from how he had so many years ago, wiping away his tears yet again. Because that’s who Jimin was-- the type of person to wipe away your tears and always reassure you, no matter what. Comfort personified. Jungkook’s home.
“You’re not stupid,” Jimin said firmly. “It’s never stupid to care about someone Jungkook. Never.”
“I’m sorry,” Jungkook couldn’t stop apologizing.
“Don’t be. Hey,” Jimin moved his face upwards slightly to make Jungkook look him in the eyes. “You know I love you, right?”
Warmth spread through Jungkook’s chest at the sound of those words.
“I know. I love you too.”
This time, strangely, the words didn’t feel so heavy in his mouth. They just felt true.
“Good.” Jimin moved his hands away from Jungkook’s face, and Jungkook felt himself wishing he hadn’t. But Jimin didn’t completely move away. They were still close to one another. “Now, Jungkook. What do you want?”
There was that question again. What do you want?
“From us?” Jungkook clarified.
“From us. For us.”
“I want…” It was hard to focus with Jimin’s face so close, his eyes shining and his smooth skin glowing. Jungkook's heart was pounding again, and he could barely think with Jimin’s lips right there . It would be so easy, he thought. It would be so easy to just do it .
But Jungkook wasn’t the type of man to make the same mistake twice. This time, he wanted to do things right.
“I want to kiss you.” He said, without even a hint of a stutter, his voice completely even.
He knew what he wanted now.
“Is that okay?” he asked, careful to get Jimin’s consent. He moved his hand up to Jimin’s cheek.
Jimin didn't say anything, he just nodded, eyes half-lidded already in preparation for what was going to happen next. Jungkook wasn’t going to let another minute go by, wasn’t going to let him wait a moment longer.
Because it was finally happening.
They were kissing.
And it felt good.
No--
--it felt fucking great .
Better than performing at the AMAs, better than getting number one on the charts, better than meeting Namjoon for the first time and deciding his fate, better than choosing BTS, better than signing with BigHit, better than their first kiss in the rain by about a billion percent. He was flying. They had wings, the two of them, and they were in heaven. Together. Kissing, and kissing, and kissing.
He didn’t know how much time had passed when they parted. They stayed close for a bit, Jungkook’s hands on Jimin’s cheek and waist, Jimin’s hands on his shoulders, their foreheads and noses touching, emitting little sparks under their skin at each point of contact. His face was still wet from the tears, but it didn’t matter. It was all so beautiful. Jungkook didn’t know if he’d ever been a part of something so beautiful.
“I think it’s safe to say I wanted that too,” Jimin joked, “in case that wasn’t obvious enough for you.”
“Shut up,” Jungkook whispered with a sigh, a chuckle escaping his lips. “Just hold me, will you?”
Jimin hummed, taking the boy in his arms and holding him tight.
“Whatever you want.”