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Conspicuous Advertising (some days are harder than others)

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Eds I fucked up


The message should’ve alarmed Eddie, but all he could do was sigh, millions of thoughts flooding his head of what could’ve possibly happened. Richie had done plenty of stupid things that he’d alerted Eddie about, some worse than others. One time he tried microwaving an empty bag of Doritos so it would shrivel up into a mini bag, which started a fire. There was another time where he tried to cut into a frozen block of cookie dough with a steak knife and almost sliced his fingers off, getting seven stitches in the palm of his hand. And there was even a time when he forgot about the bath he was running, flooding not only his apartment bathroom, but also the apartment below him. For someone so smart, Richie always knew how to put himself in avoidably bad situations. It was safe to say that Eddie was ready to expect literally anything.


Or so he thought.


“What did you do now?” He sighed as soon as Richie picked up the phone, pausing his show.


“I fucked up, dude.”


“Yeah I gathered that.” Eddie snorted, shaking his head. “What did you do?”


“Okay, hear me out.” Richie mumbled, his voice sounding strained. “Yesterday I was watching porn-”




“Let me finish, this is urgent!” Richie laughed and then hissed. “I was, you know, in the middle of doing the deed when an ad popped up for these pills.”


“Pills? What kind of pills?”


“I don’t fucking know, like boner pills. They advertised that the pills would make your dick grow bigger!” He huffed. “So naturally I had to buy some to try it out.”


“Naturally.” Eddie chuckled. “What, unsatisfied with your size Trashmouth?”


“My size is perfectly fine, thank you .” He spat. “I just thought it would be funny to try them. Maybe it would give me some good material for my routine.”


“Yeah I’m sure the comedy club would love to hear about your dick pills.”


“Can you not tease me right now! I’m fucked!”


“You shouldn’t be surprised that you were robbed, those things are just scams to take money from horny kids-”


“No dude!” Richie grunted, and Eddie could hear him grit his teeth. “They work.”


“They work?” Eddie widened his eyes. “Are you like- on them right now?”


“I’ve been on them for like an hour and it won’t go away!”


“Ew, gross! I don’t want to hear about your boner-”


“It’s not just a boner!” Richie screamed out of frustration. “I swear my dick is bigger. But it fucking hurts and I don’t know what to do.”


“So you called me ?”


“You’re a nurse in training aren’t you?”


“My major is in business admin! My minor is pre-med-”


“Who fucking cares, can you just come over?” He scoffed, clearly growing agitated. 


Eddie dropped his head back against his couch cushions with a groan, shutting his eyes. “If I walk into your apartment and you’re watching porn, Richie, I will cut your dick off.”


“I’ve tried watching porn, Edward, didn’t work.” He laughed harshly into the phone. “I promise if we can’t figure it out I’ll let you cut my dick off. Anything is better than this.”


“You’re the worst.” Eddie smirked to himself. “Okay fine, I’ll be there in a bit.”


“Bless your heart Eds.” Richie sighed in relief. “Please be quick before I die or something.”


“You’ll be fine you big baby.” He hummed before hanging up, immediately turning off the tv and getting up to grab his car keys. He didn’t live far at all from Richie’s apartment, only a few minutes away, and he already had a spare key to the building. Richie had given it to him when he moved in, “in case of emergencies.” Eddie shook his head at their current predicament, mumbling to himself on his way to Richie’s door. He knocked to alert his presence before letting himself in, listening carefully for any porn noises before stepping completely inside.


“Rich?” He called, Richie nowhere to be found. “Please don’t be dead of a raging boner, that would be so fucking awkward to explain to our friends.” He heard a low laugh from the kitchen, from behind the island counter. “Are you seriously hiding?”


“I’m naked.” He forced out, and Eddie could hear the tremble in his voice. “Clothes hurt.” He poked his head above the counter, blinking his eyes at him. “It got worse.”


“You look like shit.” Eddie gasped as he walked closer, getting a better look at him. He was shaking, face red hot and sweaty, his lips swollen from biting down on them. 


“Gee, thanks.” He cleared his throat, shifting behind the counter uncomfortably.


“Sorry.” He winced, now seeing the severity of the situation. “Well, are you gonna show me?”


“I’d rather not.”


“Then why am I here?” He raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms. “If you want my help I have to know what we’re dealing with.”


“Don’t laugh.” He mumbled, maneuvering behind the counter. “This is so embarrassing.”


“Yeah well this is why we don’t take weird porn dick pills-” His voice trailed off as Richie stood up, walking around the counter to reveal himself. His entire body was flushed, but his dick was a dark, painful red and dripping steadily over his hand where he was holding himself. Eddie had only seen Richie naked a few times as an adult, mostly by accident. He was bigger than he remembered, long and throbbing. It looked like even both of Eddie’s hands would struggle to cover the whole thing. He couldn’t help but stare. It looked painful, and Richie would hiss at the smallest bit of movement of his hand. Eddie looked back up to him, sucking in a breath at the darkness of his eyes. 


“Eddie.” He swallowed, his Adam’s apple rising up and down. “I feel like I need to come or I’ll die.” It was a silly thought, but his face and voice were deadly serious, aside from the small tremble in his tone. He was staring at Eddie like he wanted to eat him, and the room suddenly grew ten degrees hotter. 


“I- have you tried-”


“I’ve tried literally everything.” He whimpered, gripping himself and curling his other fingers over the counter in a tight grip. “I can’t do it.”


“Do you need help?” Eddie choked out, almost not believing his own mouth. “I could try? You know… just to help you out.”


Richie’s eyes widened, sinking his teeth into his lower lip. “Eds, I’ve tried my hands.”


“I mean, I can try something else.” He cleared his throat, face heating up at the intensity of Richie’s stare. “You have to promise not to make fun of me though.”


“Does it look like I’m laughing?” Richie’s words sounded like a growl, his eyes hungry and waiting. “You’ll really help me out?”


“Yeah just- come over here I guess.” Eddie felt his knees buckle when Richie approached him, nails dragging against the counter as he moved across the kitchen intently. “Can I?”


“Yeah.” Richie breathed out, letting go of his shaft to brace himself against the wall. Eddie took a deep breath before tentatively reaching down to replace his hand, jaw-dropping at the warm weight of it in his palm. He gently curled his fingers around it, thick and wet, pausing for a moment at Richie’s low “careful.” He just held it for a moment, building up the courage to actually move his hand, steadily pumping his fist up and down. Richie’s breathing grew erratic, hips jutting forward seeking more friction, dumping his head back when Eddie’s grip tightened. “Fuck.” He groaned, squeezing his eyes shut. “I need more.”


“Okay.” Eddie nodded, his voice coming out hoarse. Richie’s eyes flew open when he sunk to his knees, the tiles cool on his exposed skin. He felt hot all over, feeling more so with Richie radiating heat in front of him. He continued his measured strokes, a little intimidated now that Richie’s monstrous length was directly in front of his face. He was leaking pearly precum all over himself, his musky scent filling up Eddie’s nostrils. Richie moved a hand to his hair, petting at it gently before his fingers curled tightly, gripping it more roughly for stability. Eddie's breath hitched, pausing momentarily. “Can I-”


“Stop asking me.” Richie grunted, hips twitched towards his face. “You don’t have to ask, you can do whatever you want. Please.


That was all Eddie needed to lick an experimental strip up the head, the taste of him exploding on his tongue. He’d had a few dreams about it, getting to suck Richie off. He closed his eyes and tried to recreate them, sucking his tip into his mouth and swirling his tongue around it. Richie whined low in his throat, rocking further into his mouth desperately. It should’ve been weird, having his best friend of almost two decades shove his dick down his throat. 


But he wasn’t complaining, and Richie needed the help. So he closed his eyes and tried to regulate his breathing as Richie used his mouth, moaning and panting with each push. He felt thicker and hotter in his mouth, and Eddie couldn’t help the tears that sprang to the corner of his eyes. It took a lot of effort not to gag or suffocate, but he regulated his breathing through his nose, ignoring the growing ache in his jaw.


“Close Eds.” He groaned above him, his full body shivering as Eddie swallowed around him, throat constricting with each push. “How the fuck are you so good at this? I’m kind of jealous.”


Eddie opened his eyes to roll them at him, allowing for a couple of tears to stream down his face. Richie brushed them away with a thumb before gripping the back of his neck and filling his mouth to the max, emptying an absurd amount of cum into it. Eddie sputtered, attempting to contain as much as he possibly could when Richie pulled out. He tasted surprisingly sweet, so Eddie didn’t mind trying to swallow, but it was hard with so much in his mouth. He got most of it down, but some dribbled out of the corners of his mouth and down to his chin. 


He was only able to catch his breath for a few moments before Richie’s still hard dick caught his attention again. It should’ve been impossible, with the amount of cum he let out, there should’ve been no possible way that Richie was still hard. But he was, gripping himself again with his eyes squeezed shut, panting like a wild animal as he clutched onto the wall for support. Eddie wiped his mouth quickly, standing up and cupping his face. 


“Rich?” When Richie opened his eyes, they were dark and glossy. His chest heaved, still uncomfortable with his massive hard-on between his legs. “Still hurts?”


“Not as much.” He shook his head, voice rough. “But it’s still fucking hard. I never thought I’d be complaining about that.”


“Where are the pills?” Eddie swallowed, Richie’s taste still lingering on his tongue. Richie pointed to the counter near the fridge, staying attached to the wall while Eddie grabbed them. He read over the description a few times, hardly understanding it. It looked as if it had been translated from another language, and all he could make out was that they accomplished three main things.


1) Increased sex drive

2) Harder and bigger penis

3) Multiple orgasms


“How many of these did you take?”


“Literally just one!” Richie hissed, resting his forehead against the wall. “I’m fucking stupid.”


“Yeah, you are.” Eddie sighed, tossing them back onto the counter before walking back towards him. “Well at least you’re feeling better, I guess.” He rubbed his head, trying to think. “Okay, I’m not a doctor or anything, but the package says it gives you multiple orgasms. So maybe, hear me out, if you keep having them it will like- flush it out of your system?”


“Through my dick?”


“I don’t know Richie! I’m not a dick pills expert!”


“Okay okay.” He laughed, sounding much less strained than he did pre-orgasm. “So what do I do?”


“I’m not sucking your dick again, my jaw is killing me.” He rubbed his face, the dull ache making him wince slightly. “You said hands don’t work?”


“Not when I tried.” He shook his head. 


“I mean, we can try something else...”  


He stared at Eddie for a brief moment, eyes widening at the suggestive look on his face. “You’re joking-”


“Do you have any better ideas?” Eddie raised an eyebrow at him, crossing his arms. “Look, don’t make it a big deal, I’m offering.”


“Oh my God, you’re serious.”


“Yes!” Eddie through his hands in the air. “So are you going to fuck me before your dick falls off or not?”


Richie licked his lips, stroking himself in his hand a few times before pulling Eddie closer to him. “You’re sure?”


“Stop asking me.” He mimicked, a sly smirk spreading on his face. It was effectively removed when Richie spun him around to press him into the wall, pulling a gasp from him. 


“You’re a menace.” Richie chuckled, rutting up against him. “Shit, did you wear these shorts on purpose?” His long fingers curled around the waistband and Eddie felt him soaking through the fabric of his ass with each movement. 


Yes. Eddie screamed in his head, settling for a small whimper when Richie humped against him. He felt his face burning up as Richie frantically raked his shorts and briefs down his legs, giving him a second to kick them off before caging him against the wall again. He pushed in between Eddie’s thighs, thrusting desperately, his dick widening his stance. It was insanely arousing and Eddie couldn’t help but squeak at each rough smack of his hips. 


“I don’t- have lube here.” Richie grunted in his ear, but made no effort to stop his movements. 


“I don’t think you’ll need any.” Eddie wheezed, feeling how much Richie’s cock was drooling in between his thighs, the slide growing stickier and wetter. “Are you clean?”


“Yeah.” Richie breathed hotly into the side of his neck, hips snapping forward erratically.


“Then don’t worry about it. Just- do your thing.” That seemed to ignite something in Richie, and he reached to Eddie’s front, to where his dick was still sliding in between his thighs and palmed his head. The groan he let out in Eddie’s ear had his knees shaking, moving his wet fingers back to toy at his hole. Eddie pushed his hips back with permission, and Richie didn’t need anything else to slide a sticky finger into him. “Oh, fuck.”


“Good?” Richie hummed in his ear, resuming the frantic pace of his hips, pumping his finger in and out of him synchronously. 


“Yeah, shit.” Eddie whined, dropping his head back to rest on Richie’s shoulder. “I’m not a fucking virgin dude, add another one.” Richie did as he said without a word, pushing another slick finger beside his other one and spreading them apart. He opened him up feverishly, adding a third finger soon after, and eventually a fourth for good measure. Eddie was still slightly intimidated by his daunting size, grateful for the extra preparation, but it didn’t take long for his legs to start shaking with anticipation. “Richie c’mon.” 


“Yeah?” He pushed between his legs one final time before pulling away completely so he could help him take off his shirt, leaving an obscene trail of precum. 


“Mhm.” He nodded, bracing himself against the wall. “My legs feel like jelly.”


“Here, turn.” Richie hummed, letting Eddie spin around to face him before hunching over to grip behind his thighs. Eddie yelped when Richie hoisted him up with ease, instinctively wrapping his legs around his waist as he was pushed back against the wall. “Better?”


“Y-yeah.” He exhaled, clutching onto Richie’s shoulders tightly as he teased his entrance with his thick head. “Just- go slow with that thing okay?”


“I’ll really, really try.” He nodded, leaning his forehead against Eddie’s as he pushed in, both of them heaving at the stretch. It was a lot, and Eddie could hardly breathe as he slid into him slowly, filling him up inch by inch with his long and thick cock. He didn’t have unprotected sex, ever, but he found himself leaking at the feeling of Richie’s warm and bare shaft filling him up so deep it almost hurt. “Fuuckk Eddie.” Richie growled, twitching inside of him once their hips met, shifting his grip on him.


The slight change in angle made Eddie choke on his breath, nudging his prostate dead on. “Richie you- I can’t- you’re so-” He babbled.


“Sh.” Richie hushed him, giving him a shallow thrust to test the waters. “You’re doing so good, damn you’re tight.”


“No, you’re just huge.” Eddie exhaled with a scoff, digging his nails into Richie’s shoulders.


Richie didn’t respond, pulling out a little bit more before sliding back into him. Then he tried again, and again, and again until he built a strong rhythm, fucking up into him recklessly, spurred on by the cries filling his ears. Eddie would’ve been embarrassed at the loud noises he was making, but he literally couldn’t focus on anything but the feeling of Richie plowing into him, reaching parts of him that had never been reached before. He could already feel his sensitive skin bruising where Richie was pounding into him with brute force, huffing and panting into his neck where he was starting to slobber against his collar. 


Eddie could only mutter little “ahs” and keening noises as Richie prodded his prostate with every other thrust, legs trembling with stimulation. It was borderline too much, the stimulation walking the fine line between euphoria and pain, both sensations mixing low in his stomach. He leaned his head against the wall, whimpering as it knocked against it lightly with each hard thrust, hips rocking against Richie’s with desperation. His hard dick bobbed between them, swollen and neglected, but Eddie couldn't move his hands off of Richie.


“Richie, Richie.” He sobbed, toes curling as his climax hit him violently, voice cracking with the intensity of it. He made desperate sounds through it, spraying all over his and Richie’s stomach without being touched. It cracked through him like a whip, up his spine to his head where he felt faint and energized at the same time. He continued making weak little noises as Richie chased after him, bucking into him with haphazard thrusts, sloppy and frantic. More tears began to gather at the corners of Eddie’s eyes, it felt that good. Too much and not enough at the same time.


Richie yelled loudly in his ear as his own release washed over him, hips still jerking towards him, filling him up like he did his mouth. Eddie squirmed against the wall, feeling full and used, the added warmth making him shake. Richie breathed deeply into his neck with no plans to set him back down. “I need more.” He said roughly, carrying Eddie towards the couch so he could set him down on his back. It felt much more comfortable on his back than the wall did, but he didn’t get too much reprieve because as soon as he sank into the cushions, Richie pulled out of him only momentarily before pushing back in abruptly. 


Richie fucked into him with labored breathing, hands running over as much skin as he could possibly touch. “After I took the pills all I could think about was you. I was going crazy, I needed you.” He groaned, eyes raking up and down his body as he moved his hips quickly. 


Eddie arched his back painfully, body jolted by the new rhythm, faster and harder than before. His jaw dropped with a flood of unrestrained noises, incoherent begging, and short cries. His body clenched around him, sparking with shudders of overflow of feelings, both physical and emotional. Richie stared down at him, fucking into him with long and hard strokes, filling him up over and over. Eddie let his hands fall behind his head, feeling trapped and controlled, rolling his hips up subconsciously as his own dick leaked between them. “Almost there baby, so close.” Richie rasped, hosting Eddie’s legs higher for a deeper angle. 


Eddie’s body shook vigorously, thrashing underneath him at the stimulation and the pet name, feeling cum oozing out of him and down his thighs with each push. Richie rocked into him once, then twice, and released more into him with a final push, arms trembling and jaw clenching so tightly it hurt. Their bodies twitched together as Richie emptied whatever he had left inside of him, both of them on fire and dripping with sweat. Eddie tugged him down, clashing their lips in a searing kiss as Richie continued filling him up, teeth clacking and tongues meshing together. 


They held each other close, Richie’s mouth filled with Eddie’s tongue and Eddie’s body still stuffed full of Richie’s dick and cum. When they pulled apart, Richie practically collapsed on top of him, sliding out of him with a relieved sigh. He was becoming soft, the pill apparently finally out of his system. He chuckled to himself, brushing their noses together before pressing their lips together for a much slower kiss. Eddie snaked his arms around his neck, one hand nestled deep in his hair, not even bothered that it was dripping sweat. 


“Are you back to Earth?” Eddie asked lowly when they pulled apart, gulping down air. 


“I think so.” Richie blinked down at him, his eyes much clearer and face more relaxed. “I can’t believe we fucked before we kissed.” 


“We kissed in high school, several times.” Eddie murmured, fingers gently pulling at the tangles in his mop of hair.


“Spin the bottle doesn’t count.” 


“It did for me.” He said quietly, turning his face to rest on the cushion. 


“It did?”


“Yeah.” He nodded, trying to avoid eye contact. “Is that okay?”


“Is it okay? ” Richie huffed out a nervous laugh before pressing a wet kiss to his cheek. “You liked me like that?”


“I still do, you fucking dumbass.” Eddie rolled his eyes. “Why else would I come here and offer for you to fuck me? Are you seriously that dense? I want to like- help you out more. Like, in a relationship way, or whatever.”


“Thank God.” Richie smiled, brushing the hair out of his face. “It would’ve been really hard to go back to being just friends after this.”


“We were never just friends.”


“Touche, cutie.” Richie kissed him gently, relieved in more ways than one. “You’re the only one that can stop me from buying pills from a porn pop-up. A true love story.” 


“If you use this in your routine I’ll kill you.” Eddie muttered, squinting up at him.


“Oh c’mon this is a killer story! I finally got with my best friend because I took magic penis pills. That’s gold, they really are magic.” 


“Do not take them again.” 


“Fine… But you liked it right?” 


Eddie swallowed, hyper-aware of how he was still covered in sweat and cum, dripping all over his body and the couch. “Yeah… but still, no more pills.” 


“You haven’t had my normal dick yet, it’s gonna be a downgrade from this.” 


“We’ll have to see about that.” 


“Woof Eds, relax. I'm completely drained." He grinned at him. "I need to eat something because I’m close to passing out.” 


“If you crash on me I will hurt you. You made this mess, you’re gonna clean it up!” 


“Whatever you say, princess.” He sighed, booping his nose lightly. “We’ll get you all nice and cleaned up, then I think I might blackout for a few hours.” 


Eddie laughed lightly, also feeling drained and sore. “I’ll be here when you wake up. And I’ll monitor your dick for you, make sure it doesn’t completely shrivel away.” He smiled at Richie’s loud laugh, deciding that he wouldn’t mind hearing it for the rest of forever. “Maybe I’ll even help you find a new couch.” He grimaced at the absolute mess on the pooling on the cushions, shifting so he wouldn’t be laying in it. 


Richie leaned down and kissed him with a wide range of emotions, soft but firm. “Thanks doc, my hero.”