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a dirty job: the complete transcript

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"And we’re closing out with This is Radio Clash by― you guessed it― the Clash. Thanks for joining all of us here for Throwback Thursday. This is Richie Tozier, and there will be no encore for this rock show at 84.5 DEXP."

insufferable brat 🍅 ♥️
hope you started dinner without me
Richie: uhhh yes because i'm a good brother
but why are you asking
Margaret: i'm on a date
Richie: OH?
Margaret: i just wanted to let you know so you don't think i got kidnapped
Richie: that's only 1% funny
Margaret: funny of you to try and tell me how to be funny
Richie: hilarious
just text me when you're home
Margaret: i will be doing no such thing
Richie: oh
oh lmao
well have fun be safe use protection
Margaret: shut up richie
love you
Richie: love you too

the zodiac is a 5'7 bisexual man
billaford 📚 : well i think it's a good idea
eds 🍝 ‼️: Yeah but it means I need to build a bookshelf
the marvelous benzino ✨ 🪄 : Oh no not a bookshelf wherever will we get one
richie: 🤨
eds 🍝 ‼️:
I am fully capable of building something thank you very much
mikey poo 🌻 : Didn't it take you like four hours to build that Ikea TV stand?
eds 🍝 ‼️: Do I look fucking Swedish to you
richie: it has instructions in english???
billaford 📚 : this is eddiespeak for "i threw out the instructions and couldnt be assed to go and get them again when i realized i needed them"
the marvelous benzino ✨ 🪄 : 😗
eds 🍝 ‼️: Fuck off Bill
And Ben
the marvelous benzino ✨ 🪄 : 🤭
eds 🍝 ‼️: ALSO I got it put together in the end thank you very much
But anyway I can just get a secondhand shelf or whatever
richie: sure sure yeah ikea doesn't fit the vibe
eds 🍝 ‼️: Get off my ass
richie: no :)
eds 🍝 ‼️: 🖕🏼
mikey poo 🌻 : Actually I think I have a spare one laying around somewhere at the shop
I can bring it by 😌
eds 🍝 ‼️: Oh that's great actually
Mike you're my only friend now
richie: after everything we've been through 🥲
the marvelous benzino ✨ 🪄 : Guess I'm not making dinner tonight then
Richie are you still not able to make it :/
richie: actually my sister is busy getting some 🍆  so i will be able to bless you with my presence
eds 🍝 ‼️: NO
billaford 📚 : actually don't come
the marvelous benzino ✨ 🪄 : We didn't need to know that thanks
mikey poo 🌻 : Bring wine

Richie: any requests
Eddie: Aren't you working?
Richie: yep that's why i'm asking for requests
are you listening
Eddie: Obviously
But you don't have a request slot
Richie: this is specifically an eddie kaspbrak request line at your service
as well as any other services ;)))
Eddie: 😐
Surprise me
Richie: that's not how requests work
are you organizing
Eddie: Per usual
Richie: you took too long i picked for you
give it a minute
Eddie: Oh haha
Richie: if you don't decide i am always going to pick cutting crew and that's just the way them apples be babe
Eddie: You're lucky it's a good song or else I'd be personally walking into the studio to throttle you
Richie: hot
thanks for listening though
Eddie: Number one fan over here
Richie: i think margaret has you beat
Eddie: She doesn't listen to the show and you know it
Richie: why am i surrounded by liars

Itchy 🤓 🧀
hey are you busy
Richie: if watching my leftovers in the microwave counts
whats wrong
Margaret: okay i have to tell you something but you have to promise me not to tell mom and dad
Richie: this makes me want to do nothing but tell them
Margaret: i'll end you
do you work later?
Richie: no i'm off
seriously are you okay??
Margaret: do you think you could drive me to the doctor in about an hour
Richie: for what??????
Margaret: do you remember that date i had a few weeks ago
Richie: yeah????
you said you liked him???
Margaret: i mean that's not the exact words i used
we haven't spoken since
Richie: ah another victim of the classic margaret ghosting (trademark pending)
Margaret: maybe so
okay i think i might be pregnant

Incoming call from: Itchy 🤓 🧀

toasters 🍞 👨 👩 👧 👦
momma mags 🌦️ : 
Did we pick a place yet?
richie: lmao
boogie woogie 🎥 : What Was The Place You Two Were Talking About?
insufferable brat 🍅 ♥️ : we talked about lots of places
we can always pick when you guys land
richie: i'm fine with pizza
insufferable brat 🍅 ♥️ : of course you are
richie: wow what's wrong with pizza
insufferable brat 🍅 ♥️ : i just think mom and dad will want something else after a six hour flight
momma mags 🌦️ : Five and a half!
Only three hours and forty five minutes to go!
boogie woogie 🎥 : The In Flight Wifi Sucks Ass
insufferable brat 🍅 ♥️ : 😐
richie: that's air canada for you
anyway fresh slice is good
insufferable brat 🍅 ♥️ : it's really not
boogie woogie 🎥 : I'm Fine With Fresh Slice 🤠
insufferable brat 🍅 ♥️ : we aren't going to fresh slice dad
richie: we'll just pick when you get here whatever
momma mags 🌦️ : Is Eddie coming? 😄
richie: why would he be coming
momma mags 🌦️ : We haven't seen him in a long time!!
richie: okay??
insufferable brat 🍅 ♥️ : 🤔
momma mags 🌦️ : You know we'd be more than happy to have him if you want to invite him
boogie woogie 🎥 : If He Isn't Busy
richie: ugh
my commercial break is almost over bye
margaret you're still picking me up right
insufferable brat 🍅 ♥️ : no you can walk
jk see you when you're done
momma mags 🌦️ : Love you!! Give Piper a kiss for me 💕 💕

eds 🍝 ‼️
Eddie: What happened to not having your phone anymore during the show?
Richie: commercial break bozo
Eddie: Well I fucking knew that
Richie: mhm fake fan
Eddie: But what's up?
Richie: If you're free my mom and dad want you to get dinner with all of us when they land
Eddie: Really??
Richie: i was just as surprised
Eddie: Har har
But sure
They land at 6?
Richie: correct
Eddie: It's been slow so I can probably get some pre-closing done
Ben has a date tonight
Richie: sure mention that casually without saying anything
Eddie: He never says anything about them anymore so
Richie: i wonder if its because ben is still sensitive from having his six year relationship end and then seeing ethan with a new guy the next week
Eddie: 😬
Richie: and is still reeling from egging ethan's car
which you helped with
Eddie: Fuck Ethan
Richie: i didn't say you were wrong
but margaret's picking me up so we'll come by and get you?
Eddie: Sounds good
See you then?
Richie: you got it buckaroo

momma mags 🌦️ 
Hi Richie, have you heard from your sister?
I tried calling and she didn't answer
Your dad has tried too
Richie: i haven't
but i'm just finishing up the show right now so i can try?
Maggie: No worries
I'll try again too

insufferable brat 🍅 ♥️
hey call me back when you get a chance?
or mom
hopefully traffic isn't too bad

Richie: did you hear the show earlier
i played our song

Richie: hey so i've been waiting for like half an hour
did i do something to piss you off??
you're right on my ass if i do
if i did i'm sorry

Richie: i love you
and piper too
can you give me some sign of life please

Eddie: Hey I'm done closing
Are you on your way?

Eddie: That person whose show is right after you played the Smiths
I know you hate that

Eddie: Richie?

Richie: hi i'm so sorry but can you please come get me i'm still at the station
Eddie: I thought Margaret was supposed to come get you?
Richie: can i call you

1130 News Vancouver
6:45 #VANCOUVER Collision has Granville Street blocked between Granville and Smithe. Police and Fire crew on scene. Alternate route advised until future notice tonight.
6:54pm · 11/07/19
472 Retweets · 709 Likes

Bill 📝
Bill: are you awake still
Ben: How could I not be
Bill: just checking
eddie called
Ben: Shit
Bill: they're at the hospital with maggie and went
it isn't looking good
Ben: Does Richie want us there??
Bill: i don't think so
eddie didn't say anything but i don't think richie is doing great
Ben: What about Piper?
Bill: she's totally fine
just a few scrapes
a stitch or two
Ben: I can't stop pacing
Bill: me neither
you can come over if it'd help
mike and i aren't gonna sleep tonight i think
Ben: If you don't mind that'd be great
Bill: of course i don't mind
Ben: See you in a bit

2 Missed Calls from: the marvelous benzino ✨ 🪄
billaford 📚 : hey man if you need anything let us know
mikey poo 🌻 : I love you, Richie

eds 🍝 ‼️
I'm bringing you a bagel from the coffee shop across the street
Richie: i'm not hungry
Eddie: I'll stuff it down your throat then
You need to eat
Richie: did you even get coffee
Eddie: I got you the biggest size they had
Richie: oh thanks

Richie: eddie can you please come back
it's margaret please come back

Unknown (online)
hey, is this richie? (7:06pm ✔️✔️ ) 
Richie: whatever you're selling i don't want it (7:22pm ✔️✔️ )
Unknown: i'm not selling anything
it's bev from the hospital (7:35pm ✔️✔️ )
Richie: oh so i didn't hallucinate that (7:37pm ✔️✔️ )
Unknown: nope
did you think about what i said? (7:38pm ✔️✔️ )
Richie: honestly no i fucking didn't
i've been busy with
you know my sister being dead
which you were there for (7:41pm ✔️✔️ )
Unknown: i'm really sorry, richie (7:42pm ✔️✔️ )
Richie: get in line (7:46pm ✔️✔️ )
Unknown: i don't mean to be insensitive but it's just that the job offer needs an answer (7:49pm ✔️✔️ )
Richie: right now???? (7:55pm ✔️✔️ )
Unknown: i understand if you need some time to think about it. it's a big lifestyle change (7:56pm ✔️✔️ )
Richie: i'm honestly fucking shocked (8:02pm ✔️✔️ )
Unknown: trust me i understand. i'm really sorry for your loss
we'll be in touch soon. again i'm sorry (8:03pm ✔️✔️ )
Richie: thanks i think (8:10pm ✔️✔️ )

In Loving Memory of
Margaret Tozier

17 July, 2019
Glenhaven Memorial Chapel
Vancouver, BC


Margaret Tozier (30) was born on 21 March, 1989 to Margaret and Wentworth Tozier in Toronto, Ontario. She was immediately adored by her family and friends for her independent, fiery attitude. Deep down, Margaret still had the soft, gentle heart that the Tozier family had been known for.

At age nine, Margaret discovered her passion for music in her orchestra class. She began to play the cello and nurtured her natural talents over the course of nine more years. Margaret received a full-ride scholarship to the Berklee College of Music in Boston, MA to pursue a Master's Degree in Music Education.

After graduating, Margaret moved to Vancouver to open her own school of music. She channeled her loving nature to help children find their love for music, just as she had. Margaret was adored by her students and many kept in touch with her as they grew up. From time to time, she performed with the Vancouver Symphony Orchestra.

Margaret is survived by her parents, Margaret and Wentworth; her older brother, Richard; daughter, Piper, and countless other friends.

redrumrecordshop We're sorry for the short notice, but we'll be closed today and tomorrow.
144 comments · 258 likes
July 17, 2019

boogie woogie 🎥
hi dad
you and mom doing okay?
Went: Good Morning
We're Doing Okay
Piper's Having Breakfast Then We'll Be On Our Way
Richie: you guys don't have to be here early
i can handle it
Went: We'll Be Okay
We'll Get Through It Together ❤️
Richie: sure thing
let me know when you're on your way
or if you need anything
Went: You Too
Love You Richie
Richie: love you too

the zodiac is a 5'7 bisexual man
is everyone doing okay
the marvelous benzino ✨ 🪄 : As well as we can be, bud
mikey poo 🌻 : You doing alright?
Richie: i'm fine
billaford 📚 : we're gonna be there early if that's okay
Richie: you don't need to
mikey poo 🌻 : Well we want to
Richie: if it's too much i understand
the marvelous benzino ✨ 🪄 : Richie
We're going to be there
Richie: just let me know when you're on your way then
eddie and i are leaving in a few

Where'd you go?
Richie: i don't think i can do this
i don't want to go up there and talk about my sister and how she's dead and we'll never see her again
Eddie: You don't have to
Richie: no i do is the thing
my mom and dad can't do that
so i have to
Eddie: They'd understand
Richie: i can't have them put up with more than they already have
Eddie: Where are you
Richie: the hallway
Eddie: Can I come out there with you?
Richie: yeah

momma mags 🌦️ 
are you sure you want to have piper for another night
i really don't mind
Maggie: I promise it's okay
Just have a quiet night
Today was a lot
Richie: mom it was hard for you and dad i don't want to put any more stress on you
Maggie: You aren't
Just go back with Eddie
And we'll see you tomorrow for the meeting with the lawyer, okay? Get some rest
Richie: okay
i love you
Maggie: I love you too ❤️

Richie: thanks for the coffee
i'm sorry for leaving so quickly though
Eddie: It's really okay
Richie: i don't know why they moved the meeting up
Eddie: Rich it's okay I promise
Eddie, unsent: I just thought maybe we could talk about last night
I wanted to say it's okay if you kissed me again
Eddie: Just let me know how it goes?
Richie: sure thing eds

momma mags 🌦️ 
Richie honey are you alright?
Richie: why would she do that
how could she make that decision
as if she knew
Maggie: You two have always been close. And you've helped her so much with Piper
Richie: not enough to be her guardian jesus fucking christ
Maggie: It's okay. We've gone through a lot this past week, haven't we?
Richie: yeah
i'm sorry
for running off like that
Maggie: I was surprised too. But honey if you would feel more comfortable with your dad and I taking her we can. You don't have to do this
Richie: no no i
i want to
i'm just
Maggie: That's okay
Do I need to come in there?
Richie: i'll be out in a second
i didn't want to throw up on their fancy carpet
Maggie: We're here when you're ready

amira the boss 🥇
Amira: Hey, Richie. I'm not going to ask how you're doing because I know the answer is probably not great
But I just wanted to check in
Richie: oh hi
i'm okay
i was actually gonna text you
Amira: Yeah? Everything okay?
Richie: i was gonna say i can come back next week
my parents are going home tomorrow so
Amira: You know you don't have to. I want you to take all the time you need. We have everything taken care of here
Richie: no i know and i really appreciate that
i just think i'm ready
Amira: Okay. I trust you
But if you change your mind and need some more time it's okay
Richie: i'll let you know
see you monday?
Amira: Bright and early, Tozier 😊

momma mags 🌦️ 
Maggie: Are you sure you're okay with us going?
Richie: mom you are literally on the other side of the gate
Maggie: It's never too late to turn back
Richie: it's really okay
Maggie: I just want to make sure you'll be alright
Your dad and I can move out here
Richie: please don't do that on my account
i'm the one who moved across the country
Maggie: I know. I do miss you
Richie: i'll be fine
Maggie: You know you don't have to be fine, sweetheart. I'm not and neither is your dad
None of us have to be
Richie: i know
i love you
Maggie: We love you too
We'll call when we land 💗

Eddie 🏡
Ben: I'm just saying I can handle working on my own. I've been doing it for awhile if you remember
Eddie: Of course I remember. I'm just saying you don't have to
Ben: Look I'm gonna be honest
You really did me a solid letting me work with you when I quit my job. And I love it here so much and I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you enough
Eddie: Ben
Ben: But the fact of the matter is that Richie needs you
Eddie: He needs all of us
Ben: Of course, and we're all going to be here for him and Piper. But you and I both know Richie specifically needs you
Eddie: I guess so
Ben: And you can't do it from the shop
Eddie: I could
Ben: You could but you won't because you have me
Eddie: Okay fine
But call if you need anything
Ben: I'll text you. I promise it's gonna be fine
I haven't let you down so far have I? 😬
Eddie: No of course not
I'm sorry
Ben: Don't be
It's gonna be hard for awhile but that's why we all have each other
Eddie: You're right
Ben: I'll remember you said that
Eddie: Very funny
But seriously I am right upstairs so if you need anything tell me
Ben: I've been around the block a few times, Eddie. If I can't figure it out I'll let you know

Now Playing on 84.5 DEXP: Never Tear Us Apart by INXS

Eddie: I heard the song you played earlier
Richie: hello eddie
i've played many songs
Eddie: You played that INXS song you always listen to when you're sad even though you aren't hosting the throwback slot today
Richie: who are you calling a throwback slot
Eddie: 🧍🏻
Richie: i just like the song
Eddie: Okay Rich
Is the rest of the day going okay?
Richie: besides the whole everyone giving me pitying looks? yeah sure
i could light the station on fire right now and they'd forgive me
Eddie: Maybe they, I don't know, care about you
Richie: sounds suspicious
Eddie: You're literally the main host there? The fuck?
Richie: i love it when you call me that
Eddie: Quiet
Richie: how's the little lady
Eddie: Good. She's asleep right now
Richie: has she been treating you well
Eddie: As if Piper could ever do a mean thing in her life
Richie: i dunno one time she threw up on me
Eddie: That's what babies do
Richie: now she's gonna throw up on you
Eddie: If this is your way of saying thank you it's really fucked up
Richie: you know i'd be a lot nicer
Eddie: You? Nice?
Richie: eds you didn't have to do this for me but you did and i really appreciate that
Eddie: You don't actually need to thank me
Richie: of course i do
Eddie: Well I suppose you're welcome
See you in a bit?
Richie: yeah i'll bring back dinner


  • Email Ben this week's shipments
  • Groceries @ some point???
  • Help get a follow up appointment for Piper
  • They make handbooks for everything right?? Is there a handbook for helping a loved one that's grieving?? And is raising their niece?? Richie is a dad now right?
  • Don't coddle & hover & be too much don't be like your mom

Now Playing on 84.5 DEXP: Never Tear Us Apart by INXS

amira the boss 🥇
How's it going?
Richie: i wanted to talk to you

Unknown (online)
Unknown: Richard Tozier? (2:40pm ✔️✔️  )
Richie: if this is bev we've already had this conversation (2:46pm ✔️✔️ )
Unknown: No this isn't Bev (2:49pm ✔️✔️ )
Richie: oh sorry (2:51pm ✔️✔️ )
Unknown: But this is Richard? (2:52pm ✔️✔️ )
Richie: it's richie but sure
you know bev? (2:54pm ✔️✔️ )
Unknown: You could say that. She told me you needed to think about what she told you at the hospital a couple days ago (2:56pm ✔️✔️ )
Richie: yeah and (3:00pm ✔️✔️ )
Unknown: I'm going to need to ask for an answer. (3:01pm ✔️✔️ )
Richie: who is this (3:03pm ✔️✔️ )
Unknown: Her supervisor (3:04pm ✔️✔️ )
Richie: well mr supervisor it's a no from me (3:06pm ✔️✔️ )
Unknown: That's what I thought you'd say. Look, Richie, I don't typically give extensions and I know you're going through a loss right now but I don't think Bev really explained it to you properly (3:06pm ✔️✔️ )
Richie: you asked for an answer and i said no so kindly fuck off (3:08pm ✔️✔️ )
Unknown: 🤦🏻 It's not usually an offer (3:09pm ✔️✔️ )
Richie: well it was for me so no thanks (3:09pm ✔️✔️ )
Unknown: Okay here's the deal: since you saw what you saw I can't just let you go about your life knowing what we do (3:11pm ✔️✔️ )
Richie: ah you're gonna threaten to kill me (3:12pm ✔️✔️ )
Unknown: What no?? What the fuck I'm not gonna threaten to kill you
I'm just saying we can help each other out (3:12pm ✔️✔️ )
Richie: shouldn't this be bev's problem (3:15pm ✔️✔️ )
Unknown: Forget about Bev for a second, okay? Bev's been at this for so long she probably doesn't give a shit about recruiting anymore. I can be a sympathetic person and that's why I'm trying to be nice even though it's nearly impossible for me. I'm not asking you to drop everything and leave your job and your boyfriend and your niece (3:15pm ✔️✔️ )
Richie: i'm not even going to correct you (3:18pm ✔️✔️ )
Unknown: But you've already been seeing shit right? It's already been done. You weren't supposed to see Bev at all. No one is supposed to see someone get reaped. That's the whole point (3:19pm ✔️✔️ )
Richie: and this is supposed to make me change my mind? what the fuck (3:20pm ✔️✔️ )
Unknown: Because people don't usually have a choice (3:20pm ✔️✔️ )
Richie: what am i so special for then (3:20pm ✔️✔️ )
Unknown: You're not. Bev must have felt sorry for you (3:20pm ✔️✔️ )
Richie: fuckin awesome thanks (3:23pm ✔️✔️ )
Unknown: You don't have to give anything up. If anything it's a favor (3:23pm ✔️✔️ )
Richie: i don't even know who you are (3:25pm ✔️✔️ )
Unknown: You wouldn't believe me
But how about a free trial? (3:26pm ✔️✔️ )
Richie: this isn't fucking amazon prime (3:26pm ✔️✔️ )
Unknown: You'll make enough money in the trial month to pay for Piper's university in cash. (3:29pm ✔️✔️ )
Richie: what (3:29pm ✔️✔️ )
Unknown: I know you make a comfortable amount but you wouldn't have to worry about her (3:30pm ✔️✔️ )
Richie: don't talk about her (3:30pm ✔️✔️ )
Unknown: Fine. But reap for a month and see how you feel, then maybe we can renegotiate (3:31pm ✔️✔️ )
Richie: why do i feel like i'm making a deal with the devil (3:32pm ✔️✔️ )
Unknown: lol (3:32pm ✔️✔️ )
Richie: fine (3:33pm ✔️✔️ )
Unknown: Cool. I'll email you the paperwork (3:33pm ✔️✔️ )
Richie: there's fucking paperwork to be a grim reaper? (3:34pm ✔️✔️ )
Unknown: Uh yes? (3:34pm ✔️✔️ )
Richie: whatever
can i tell eddie (3:35pm ✔️✔️ )
Unknown: I don't really care (3:35pm ✔️✔️ )
Richie: cool (3:36pm ✔️✔️ )
Unknown: I'll send those forms then. You start next week
Nice having you, Richie (3:37pm ✔️✔️ )

Reapers Support Anonymous
July 18, 2019, 3:46pm


"Hi everyone. Last week my girlfriend came home after learning that one of her best friends died. They had been friends since elementary school and he suddenly passed away in his sleep and they were all supposed to hang out together when they got the call about his passing. 

When she came home she clearly had a lot on her mind. All I could really do is just be there for her as much as I could be. We’ve been together for about seven years so she means everything to me. Anyway, she had been disappearing at night randomly and not able to have an explanation. I was doing my best to be understanding since this is a really hard time for her, but I was starting to feel that maybe I couldn’t help her with what she was going through; not because I didn’t want to but because she didn’t want me to know what was going on.

She finally told me that she had been offered the job as a Reaper. I had only heard about it through forums and groups like this one, but I didn’t actually think it was real. 

I just don’t really know how to wrap my head around this, or to even begin to understand why she’s decided to do this. I love her so much and I don’t want to give up on our relationship just because I don’t understand. Any tips are helpful. Thank you in advance."