Chapter Text
Syrup Village was a safe haven. There were no immediate threats which demanded attention, just a peaceful island stuck in a never-ending spring. Usopp grinned as he looked out towards the rolling hills, the faintest of memories of his father pushing in around him. He was a child when his father had taken him into the field to learn how to shoot. Usopp knew that his father was a well known marksman, the best in the East Blue, maybe even the whole Grandline. He knew that his father couldn’t stay, at least for long because he was a Pirate. Yassop had taken pride in Usopp, determined to help him carve out a place for himself. He’d told him that the world would be against him at every turn. That he’d have to be brave and fight to stand on equal footing. So Yasopp had instilled the basics of Observation Haki into his son early. Anything to give him a chance to face the world, to be prepared to take it by storm.
“Be Brave Usopp,”
His father’s words stoked a flame deep within him. He burned to prove to the world, disability or not he was just as capable, if not more so, of being a warrior of the sea. He was just as capable of becoming what he dreamed to be.
Usopp had never really appreciated those fleeting moments with his father. Usopp dreamed of the open ocean, yearning to explore the world and become a brave warrior of the sea. He’d spent his days practicing and training, cursing the small obstacles that lay in his path.
It was Kaya, sweet Kaya, who had broken it down for him. She was studying medicine to be a doctor after all. Unfortunately her own health was fragile and she was often bed-ridden as a result, which she had devoted to listening to Usopp's stories and studying. He supposed that it was her way of trying to help those who were looked down upon based on their ailments, visible or invisible. He was fully blind in his right eye, and his left had retinal damage that left him seeing a smattering of light and a blur of colors, no real clarity at all. He’d heard that there had been some complications with his mother’s pregnancy which had left him with low vision. Kaya had taken it upon herself to stand in and become the doctor their small village needed, one that would be better equipped to catch such issues earlier.
Sometimes it bothered him that he couldn’t make out fine details, that he stumbled over things that weren’t entirely clear, that he couldn’t read the way most people do, but those were as much his strengths as his weaknesses.
He had a reputation in Syrup VIllage for being a liar and exaggerating. He knew it had worsened after his mother's passing, but it only made him miss his father that much more. He still trained his Haki, still agonized over perfecting his aim and the distance at which he could shoot. He knew that without it he’d have no chance at becoming a sniper. Secretly he wished to have that perfect vision, to see the small flickering flame of a match from across a field. But his father had thought ahead and given him the gift of sight, albeit through his other senses.
Usopp knew he could do anything he set his mind to.
Seeing the blurry figures of three strangers, pirates, approaching the village had thrown him for a loop. Apparently they were after a ship. He’d tried his best to scare them off with his tale of the thousands of followers he had, but they seemed unaffected by it. The trio proceeded to the village unhindered.
They’d stopped at the local tavern for something to eat while they inquired further about procuring a ship and Usopp had decided to try and observe from a distance. He’d sent his loyal followers in to gauge the threat they all posed.
From his brief interaction with them earlier he’d deduced that they’re all memorable. There was a boy with a yellow hat, that smelled faint of straw and the sea, and a little bit like the feeling of the sun warming his skin. A green haired man, a swordsman or samurai of some sort, with what he assumed were swords based on the slight metallic tang in the air around him. The girl had bright orange, red maybe, hair and smelled of tangerines and a bit like the paper notes the government had issued.
He grimaced at the thought of money. He knew that people took advantage of him, if he presented them with the wrong notes. He did, very rarely were they truly honest. Kaya and his crew had all taken to protecting him that way.
He shook himself from his thoughts and continued on. The pirates were interesting, not your conventional pirates by any means but the red captain knew him. Usopp knew he didn’t recognize the boy's voice nor his slight accent. He’d learned from speaking to enough "off-islanders” that each island despite the government's attempts to instill a uniform language couldn’t seem to lose the slight dialects and accents from each sea and their respective islands.
The captain knew Yassop and apparently, and by extension knew a lot of Usopp. What he never mentioned was his sight. Usopp wasn’t sure if it was something his father had shared. He knew that in the short time he spent at Syrup Village he had been proud of his son’s blindness, but deep down he’s always wondered if he was a disappointment. If his father despised his disabled son, and had left because he wanted to be rid of him.
However, the captain, Luffy, spoke to him like he was a long lost friend. He didn’t treat him differently because of his disability, for once in his life Usopp had the chance to be normal, to be seen as just another guy without the stigmas attached. He knew that if he followed his heart down the path it was tugging him the crew would learn eventually but if he could have some semblance of being normal he’d take it. If he had any chance to stand as an equal, to be a pirate, he thought that was pretty brave.
He spent a lot of time just talking with the crew, doing his best to direct his gaze like Kaya had taught him too. This was a shot at his dream. He knew that it would take time, that there’d be innumerable obstacles but, he left himself a dream.
The pirate crew had helped him defeat Captain Kuro and save Kaya, and for that he was incredibly thankful. She was like their village princess, and the island would fall apart without her. He knew that in the fight he’d misjudged the distance a couple of times a little too much to the left or the right for his taste, but that was one of the largest fights he’d been in. The amount of focus and planning threw him off guard. Trying to gauge his surroundings enough to make those calls was something he knew he’d have to work on.
It wasn’t until a conversation with Kaya in the middle of the night that he really found it in himself to be brave. It was harder at night to navigate his way through the trees and brush. He let himself trace the bark of the tree, let himself linger and really absorb the world around him. He tried to commit the sensation to memory.
He needed to borrow some of Kaya’s faith in him, to step off the precipice and embrace the freedom that came with it. Joining the crew would give him a fresh start. It would allow him to leave the chains behind and really live.
He took a deep breath.
“Be Brave Usopp”
The Going Merry drifted along the seas, Usopp doing his best to navigate as he was told, once again for Kaya's brutal lessons. She was the one that taught him the parts of the ship and how to orient himself. Aside from Luffy’s awful painting job of a Jolly Roger which had Usopp biting his tongue from stating that even blind he could do better than that. He did, however, paint a new flag for them, though precision wasn’t exact and it hurt his head from trying he was proud to have left his mark. Back on his island he’d picked up art as a habit, claiming his style was more abstract and the colors bold and blocky. He knew it likely wasn’t great but he’d been painting since before his mother’s passing so he felt fairly confident in his skills. Unsurprisingly there was more than enough time to practice on observing and adapting to life aboard the ship. He let himself fall into the familiar habit of counting. When he was younger he adopted a counting method to gauge his surroundings until he was more comfortable. Twenty steps until the kitchen, eleven steps on the stairs, and so on.
Usopp let himself be persuaded by Luffy to engage with the Merry’s defenses. His attention trying to shift its focus from his immediate vicinity to a greater distance. He’d heard rumors of the scope of observation haki stretching on and on, but his range was only several yards, the rest up tp luck. He eventually hoped to work his scope up to a couple of miles at least. He knew that as a self-proclaimed sniper he’d have to work hard to keep his word. Sadly, he didn’t have much experience beyond that of Syrup Village’s mild temperament.
The need for a cook pressed in on the crew, especially as Johnny and Yosaku joined them. Apparently they were close with Zoro. Usopp honestly couldn’t tell them apart but knew that the pair near worshiped their friend.
The air shifted as they got closer to the Baratie. He could feel a headache settling between his brows as they drew nearer. He never allowed himself to use haki for such extended periods of time. Part of him, a small pebble of self-doubt tumbled through the torrent of his desire for excitement. Part of him dreamed to live up to his fathers expectations. He felt it, a bone deep all knowing sensation that this was his family. This was the crew that would see him for who he is, disability or not.
As they made their way onto the floating restaurant, Usopp found himself leaning heavily on Zoro, playing it off as not being used to sea travel yet. In all honesty the sensation of the restaurant was similar to being on Merry, but with the added stress of not knowing his surroundings. Usopp had lost track of his steps as many people spoke to them. It was a sensory overload trying to filter out stimuli. Zoro’s firm grasp on his arm helped him to find his way to the table.
Their meal had been pleasant, enjoyable even, and they had met a cook as good as the owner. Usopp didn’t have the words to describe him. Stubborn, sure, but something about the cook left Usopp wanting to know more. The way he walked like he was self assured but the slight shuffling-click of his polished shoes on the floor made Usopp believe he was hiding something more. His attitude towards women versus that of men. It was something he wasn’t entirely sure how to handle. Sanji was a perfect package of paradoxes, and Usopp felt intoxicated by it.
Luffy’s aim to find a cook and his initial damage to the restaurant took him out of the game for a bit, but left time for Usopp to really get to know his other crew members. From what he knew they’d been together made a week prior to them landing on his island. How they’d all met still confused Usopp but the flash of blinding white told him Zoro was amused. The way Nami’s form tilted alerted him to the fondness growing on her as well. Having a crew was something he was thrilled about. Still, he wondered if he was making a mistake by not telling any of them about his eyes. He had ways to compensate but it would take time to adjust and to improve. Usopp supposed each of them would be working towards different goals regardless of how passionate Zoro was about becoming the greatest swordsman. It seemed like he lived and breathed for it. Nami had a sharpness to her that told Usopp she’d been hurt before and that it was as much a front as it was protection.
The conflict aboard this ship didn’t surprise Usopp as much as he figured it should have. Something about the way that Gin guy had acted made him suspicious. Usopp has always erred on the side of caution and been overly critical of things. He found that if you were naturally more pessimistic, then you would be pleasantly surprised if you were wrong or you're able to predict correctly. Being negative would be a valuable skill, he hoped.
While the drama with the Cooks was unfolding, Zoro had gone chasing his dream. For whatever reason, something otherworldly had aligned just so, and Dracule Mihawk, the greatest Swordsman in the world, had made his way to this part of the East Blue. It was unnerving to see a flickering dot of gold, there and gone in a flash, as the man’s gaze swept over them. Usopp recognized the terrifying presence as having something to do with another type of Haki, his father had said that his own captain had such an overwhelming presence.
Zoro challenged the swordsman and was lucky to have his organs remain within his body even from this distance and with his poor vision he could tell that was too much red to be safe. Luffy and the cook were both fighting and giving it their all against the crew.
He settled into himself and tried to think of a way he could help. Limitations be damned there had to be something he could do. He saw the cooks fighting and had an idea.
“Be brave Usopp”
Usopp had gone with Johnny and Zoro to find Nami. The Merry was one of the only things he had that reminded him of his home as silly as it seemed. He knew that the Merry was just like him, part of the crew despite its limitations. Having the ship so far away left something unpleasant churning inside of him, not just because he was in yet another unfamiliar location. The others were on their way but even now, the damage by the fishmen ran deep. The fear and oppression permeated deep beneath the surface of Cocoyashi. He hated when he was right. Hurt didn’t even begin to cover what the fishmen had done to Nami and her village.
Usopp tried his best to keep his attention and use his observational haki sparingly while casting it out enough that he could detect the looming presence of the Fishmen. What he wasn’t prepared for was Zoro to end up missing. That was not part of their unspoken plan. Bitterly, Usopp thought that he at least had an excuse for getting himself lost. He thought it would be common sense to avoid any unnecessary attention to themselves and just keep searching for Nami.
He also wasn’t anticipating for Nami to pretend to murder him. He spent too long trying to find the others. The island was different from anything he’d seen before so his usual tactics weren’t working. Keeping a low profile wasn’t easy, especially when it came to recalling faces. Everything was blurry to him, just vague blobs of dull colors, but the experience was like stepping into a still puddle and finding out it went deep.
The faint sound of bickering and a low rumbling voice sounded a lot like Zoro caught his attention, so he kept ambling towards it. What he wasn’t anticipating was to get caught in the middle of a fight between Zoro and Sanji. He felt himself collapse as the pain registered, he’d have to make a note to his future self to not get between the pair, especially not with such a disadvantage. Proper depth perception was for the weak. It took ages to explain that Nami faked his death by stabbing herself. He would have been carrion if Arlong had been the one to do it. They all knew that.
Hearing Nami’s background just broke his heart even more. He could tell that Sanji was similarly affected. Zoro seemed too still to be listening but Usopp couldn’t be sure. He caught Sanji glancing at him, he did his best to ignore it but when he asked Sanji what was wrong the cook just shook his head saying nothing.
He told himself after the fact that he had been brave. Probably not as much as Nami, or Luffy for taking on Arlong, but he was thankful for the commentary throughout the battle. It hurt his pride a little to have to rely on bystander's narrations to put things together. He found himself idling in the kitchen, he rested his chin in his hands, and his elbows on the table as Sanji busied himself in the kitchen. Zoro was somewhere on the deck, Nami taking the time in her quarters on the ship. Usopp knew that she needed time, he knew how she felt leaving her home. They all did. Luffy was prodding a sleeping Zoro, after being thrown out of the kitchen by Sanji.
The white noise of Sanji cooking lulled Usopp into a semi-conscious state. He was exhausted. He’d been relying on his haki more and more since setting out and couldn’t imagine how much different his experience would be if he hadn’t been able to master that method of sensing his surroundings. Of course at the present it just picked up larger energies, but he knew from what his father had said that the true masters of it could detect even the smallest ant across great distances.
The clink of a bowl on wood startled him out of his thoughts. He blinked through a brief panic before relaxing. He was on the ship, he was safe. But it was hard to go against the instincts, that fight or flight, mostly flight, response when someone passes too close into his bubble without his conscious awareness.
Sanji was speaking to him in a hushed tone, like trying to soothe a crying child.
Usopp shook his head and sighed, “I’m sorry, I was lost in my head for a bit,”
Sanji hummed in acknowledgement standing a short distance away, waiting for Usopp to begin eating.
“It’s hard,” Sanji started, “To ignore the reflexive response to people getting too close. I get it,”
Usopp froze. Did Sanji know? What was he talking about? What was-
“I won’t tell anyone,” He said softly. “But I’m starting to think most of us aboard this ship have seen some sort of abuse,”
Usopp choked around the spoonful of soup.
“No no no no no no, it’s nothing like that I promise,” Although he tried to block out some of the meaner villagers coming to mind, “but I agree, if you ever need someone to talk about I’m all ears,” he bit back the comment about not being all eyes, but only just.
“Thanks, I’ll remember that,” Sanji said thickly.
It wasn’t until after the whole Loguetown incident that Usopp realized he might have bit off more than he could chew. He’d said that he would be there for his crew, that if they ever needed to talk to come to him. He’d said he could find a story to tell for anyone and any occasion but also that the Great Captain Usopp was the best listener. If he was feeling extra generous he’d even be willing to throw in a bit of advice.
So here he was, regretting his night's watch position because, aside from his embarrassing attempt to ascend and descend the rigging, he couldn’t see for shit. He’d definitely be useless until an enemy got too close. If he used his haki, the range was still minimal, but he’d spend the rest of the day nursing a migraine. He’s realized that Luffy offers to take some of his watches, and that his role in the rotation is just as infrequent as Nami’s, but it leaves him feeling guilty.
If he could just be honest and tell everyone then he’d be fine and would save himself the trouble, and possibly avoid dangerous situations that put everyone at risk.
The shifting and groaning of the rigging alerted him to the presence of another so he was able to reign in his yelp. A small squeak of surprise still slipped past despite his best efforts as a dark figure dropped into the crows nest next to him.
“Jeez, some watch dog you are,” Sanji said but it was all teasing.
“I wasn’t expecting anyone that's all,”
He heard Sanji pause, before the figure moved closer to him.
“Ummm, Usopp I’m over here,” He said quietly.
Usopp wanted to scream. He could have sworn that blur was Sanji but-
“I was wondering if that offer to lend an ear still held.”
Before he could stop himself he said, “Only if you’ll be my eyes.”
Sanji once again froze, lighter in hand. “Sure,”
The sparking sound of the lighter igniting and the gentle puff of air Sanji let out as he lit the cigarette were the only sounds in the quiet night. Even the sea seemed to be sleeping.
“So, what’s on your mind,” Usopp asked, thankful for the slight blur of Sanji’s lit cigarette even being the barest hint of a smudge in the dark was enough of a reference to keep his eyes trained on Sanji.
“Do you ever just feel like you’re living a nightmare?” Sanji began. “It’s nothing got to do with the crew, but part of me wonders if I’m really cut out to be a pirate. I’m not sure I’m really ready for the implications and the consequences. Seeing Luffy with the blades to his neck, laughing the entire time. It put a lot of things in perspective today.”
Usopp nodded.
“It just makes me think that life is a fragile thing, that it's the journey and there's really no telling when it’ll be your turn, when your times’ up.”
“Loss is never easy,” Usopp said, “Facing the inevitability of something as short as life is brave. It’s something my father had always said to me. That you need to be brave if you want to stand a chance in the world. I learned from a young age that when all the cards are stacked against you and you feel helpless that it's then that you have the most potential. If you can find it in yourself to make the best of a horrible situation you’re not letting them win. Them being life or whoever it is that's against you.”
“Bravery, huh?” Sanji mused while taking a drag of his cigarette. “I never thought of it that way. But what if when you’re backed into that corner and you’re helpless, and there's nothing you can do, if you’re over powered.”
“Then you can’t give them the satisfaction of knowing that you feel that helpless. If they can find a weakness then they’ve won.”
Usopp tensed as he felt a slight pressure and warmth against his side. Sanji had leaned against him as he thought.
“In theory, if they’ve won against you before and have instilled a fear and hatred that runs deep, how do you move on without the fear of being found?”
“Is this a hypothetical or should we be expecting someone to be following us?”
“We’re pirates now there's always going to be someone following us.”
“Touche,”
“But what would you do in that situation?”
“I think I would have to find it in myself to be brave. To remind myself I’m alive and that I have nakama who care for me.”
“Well, I guess here's to being brave.” Sanji huffed as he glanced out at the starry sky.
It was the first time in a long time that Usopp longed for the ability to see. Just to catch one glimpse at the expression on Sanji’s face. What he would give to help him find a moment's peace. Usopp could only hope that Sanji’s fear was unfounded.
The trek up reverse mountain was exhilarating. Usopp thought it tasted like the sweetness of honey coupled with the tingling sensation left on his tongue after carbonated beverages. Like that moment of sledding down a steep hill and hitting a bump that sends you careening through the air. The experience itself was hard to put to words but he knew the others felt the same. They were all so overjoyed that he could allow himself to tune out the devil-fruit eater's scream as Nami technically murdered him. There was no way he'd survive in these waters. It was chaotic, it was beautiful. It was the start of a new chapter. He was thoroughly overwhelmed.
The joy and jubilation buzzing around the ship as the realization dawned on them. This was just the start. They were all going to chase their dreams across the Grandline. They would be seeing and experiencing things so unlike anything they’ve ever known. Usopp would find his courage. He would chase his dream and become a brave warrior of the sea.
He’d be there with the others every step of the way. Helping Nami create that map of the world, helping Sanji find his All Blue, helping Zoro become the greatest swordsman, helping Luffy become the Pirate King.
Once again Usopp wished he could have committed their faces to memory, he could hear the thickness of the tears in their voices, could feel the excitement trembling in their legs as they crushed the barrel.
As the reached the peak, Usopp let the weightlessness propel him, his words muffled under the roaring of the water,
“Be brave Usopp,”
It wasn’t until he’d been a part of the crew for a little while that he really started to notice things. While he felt accepted and was beginning to make fewer slip ups he also realized he was a liar. A good old pathological liar.
He knew that his reputation back home preceded him. He knew it. But here on the open ocean with the strangers turned family, he was starting to pick up on everyone's little habits. Zoro was left handed, he knew that there were more right handed swordsman. He was also super paranoid about stairs. The only time Zoro’s footsteps edge into cautions are when he's around or on stairs. Usopp doesn’t quite get that one, the cleaning of his swords, sure, makes sense, stairs, not so much.
Nami only used a single brand of ink that seemed to cling to her like a new perfume. She ordered them around like a tyrant, though she promised it was for their safety. She was also meticulous about their money. Given her experience and upbringing it didn’t surprise him that she hoarded the money.
What did bother him was that she’d send him out with money that meant little to nothing to him, and he’d come back with less than he should have given the simple task. As much as he wanted to crawl out of his own skin when she lit into him he should have known better. You can always trust a dishonest man to be dishonest, but it's the honest ones that really take advantage of you. It why he, along with Zoro, now need a chaperone for outings. He doesn’t mind the company but the idea of having to be babysat because he's incompetent is mildly humiliating.
Luffy is an enigma. No matter how much time he spends around the rubber captain he never feels closer to understanding him. He’s like an overgrown child but has moments where he turns completely serious. The transition leaves Usopp with whiplash. Luffy doesn't speak much about his life before joining the crew. About where he came from or how he lived or his family. But he does mention one name a lot, Shanks. The crinking of straw tells Usopp that he clings to his hat subconsciously as he tells those stories.
Take earlier that day for example, when Usopp had tucked himself between Nami’s tangerine trees and taken out one of his books, the Captain had appeared out of thin air to inquire about what he was doing. While Usopp was normally always ready for a Luffy prank, he could feel himself growing more and more restless. He was internalizing his journey and needed to sit back and take his mind off things. He still couldn't quite believe this was his life. As his fingers skimmed along the words, Luffy had decided that was the perfect time to drop in. The book was plucked from his grasp and Usopp couldn’t stifle the shout of surprise.
“What are you reading?”
“Its a legend about giant warriors,” Usopp said cautiously.
“Does it have pictures?” Usopp could tell Luffy was now flipping through the book, he couldn't tell what face the Captain was making. He fought the urge to smack his forehead.
“No Luffy, it doesn’t have pictures,”
“Awww that boring,” Luffy pauses, the sound jarring enough to make Usopp lunge for the book.
“Theres no words,”
Usopp opened his mouth to retort. “No its-”
“Ah so it’s a secret book,” Luffy laughs, snapping the book closed with a thud, patting the book before smacking Usopp on the shoulder, the impact making him cough.
“No its-”
“Lunchtime Losers,” Sanji crows, which must mean Nami is already inside, and effectively ending the conversation.
“Don’t you even read?” Nami hissed, pulling the chart or map she’d shoved in Usopp’s face back.
“I can read,” Usopp grit out. He could have sworn he heard the pot Sanji had placed on the burner rattle.
“Oh yeah?” She threatened. Usopp didn’t understand why she was taking it so personally.
“What’s with that tone?”
“I’m only asking because I never see you read you hand Sanji the wrong containers when you help out, you can’t count money, I mean how could you possibly return with that much less when I send you out, so I’m asking if you can read?”
Usopp felt his face burning. There was the sound of someone's mouth opening, before snapping it shut. He didn’t miss the way Zoro’s hand shot to his swords bracing for a fight. The slight clack they made as he popped them from their sheath set the table on edge. He couldn’t tell what the other looked like because when he was embarrassed the blood rushing to his head tended to cut out any other input from his environment.
“What’s wrong with not being able to read?” Luffy asked. He wasn’t sure if it was because the Captain couldn’t read or if it was because he was trying to save Usopp's hide.
“There's nothing wrong with not being able to read, but there is if you lie about it,”
Usopp has had this discussion a lot. There were things he could read. There were special books Kaya had sent for which taught him his letters and words. He knew them verbally but he never got to read them like normal sighted people did.
“Look I can read but I’m not very good at it,” Usopp decided on saying. “You’ve seen my Village, there isn’t even a formal school there. It’s on the parents to teach their children that kind of thing. My dad's a pirate, and left before I was five. Unfortunately my mom died when I was young, I never got more than the basics, and I never really practiced with them as I got older so technically yes I can read, but no I’m not good at it, not in the conventional sense.”
Usopp cringed at the bite in his words. He noticed the collective flinch as Nami apologized for getting frustrated and not knowing.
He hated that he could have just told them the truth. But he’s kept the facade going long enough that he worries about the consequences of telling everyone. He can feel Luffy’s attention to him. He knows down the line something will happen and he’ll have to tell them but at the moment he can’t his pride won’t let him.
“Why didn’t you tell me that I handed you the wrong containers?”
“Well, you don’t strike me as the kind of person who grew up cooking, it’s an easy mistake to make.”
“Sanji, can I ask you a question? And I want you to be honest.” Usopp said.
He heard Sanji set down the pan he’d been drying. He’d just made a bowl of piping hot fried rice and was finishing off the chicken that would accompany it.
“Sure,” though he sounded hesitant. Usopp supposed its because normally it’s Sanji coming to him to vent, or question his place in the universe. Usopp being serious and needing that kind of thing was a little out of character for him.
“Why do you treat me differently?”
“Huh?” He heard the shifting of fabric as Sanji turned to face him. “I’m not sure I understand what you mean,”
“Well… it’s just that you place women on a pedestal, and you treat the other guys rough. Sure you kick me around too but not nearly as much as the others.”
“Oh,” it was quiet, almost as if he hadn’t even realized he did it.
“I was… umm just wondering, you don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to. I mean-”
There was a huff of laughter from Sanji before he said, “I’m not sure. I really don’t know Usopp. There's just something about you-”
“What do you mean something about me?” He asked incredulously as Sanji backtracked to rephrase.
“That came out wrong, what I meant was you’re different from the others, you actually care about me beyond the food aspect.”
“You know that’s not true right? You know we all care about you more than a cook Sanji. I can guarantee you Luffy would even fight the Celestial Dragons if it meant protecting any of us.”
The shift in posture and the way Sanji’s breathing changed told him that Sanji hadn’t entertained the train of thought.
Usopp steadied himself, urging himself to be brave and not fuck this up because depth perception was still a dumb concept.
He cautiously crept towards Sanji, lips moving as he silently counted his way to the sink. He opened his arms and tentatively pulled Sanji close. He felt the other tense before he awkwardly settled into the hug.
“Sanji, I’ll tell you everyday, for no matter how long it takes to get you to realize you’re more than just our cook. You’re nakama and there's no take backs.” He felt Sanji’s shoulders jump and heard the wet laugh. Usopp could tell he was trying not to cry but the wetness on his shoulder was sign enough. Usopp gave one more squeeze, noting the faint hint of mint and spice intertwined with the lingering smell of nicotine, before parting from Sanji.
“So, shall I set the table,” Usopp grinned, trying to hide the faint dusting of a blush on his cheeks.
If you were ever to ask Usopp if he thought he’d be helping a Princess try to expose a corrupt pirate turned world leader, stop a rebel movement, and protect her father, the King, he would have told you that you were crazy. But here they were, taking in two not so psycho’s that had been part of the very organization that earlier had tried to kill them.
Definitely not something on his bucket list. He’d noted that Sanji seemed happy to have another female on board, and Vivi was nice enough to take them all in stride. She had the patience of a saint, he really didn’t understand how she could handle them. They were a far cry from the kind of people he imagined a royal to know. Their manners, along with general caution had been thrown to the wind. He knew he was as bad as Luffy some days, and could be as unhelpful in a fight as Nami. They weren’t useless, but seemed like amateurs compared to the monster trio. The trip so far had taught him a lot about himself. One of the most glaringly obvious was that his little secret was a ticking time bomb.
He was loathe to admit that he couldn’t really take in the giants as he had dreamt. The books he'd read about Elbaf had been descriptive and used such flowery imagery that he could let himself imagine. The giants spoke of their home in just the same way. He somehow managed to get Brogy to explain things in detail without relying on visuals and decided Elbaf would be an official destination on his bucket list. The honorable giants embodied everything he aspired to be and more. The sheer passion and manliness they embodied left Usopp in awe. He knew that he wasn’t as rugged or masculine as some of his crew. That he wasn’t as gentlemanly or as outgoing. That kernel of self doubt grew as he processed that he was more feminine and meek than his nakama. It was shameful and left him with a self-loathing he hasn’t felt in a long time. He was useless in Little Garden.
While the others had taken a more pronounced role in the experience, hell Zoro had tried to cut his own legs off to save them, he was left powerless and at the mercy of his crew.
He hadn’t decided that he needed to say anything about his condition until Nami got sick. He placed part of the blame on himself, he hated that he hadn’t noticed it sooner. Vivi had been the one to comfort him and state that Nami hid it from them. That hindsight can lead to putting the pieces together differently, exploring entirely new angles, of tricking yourself into believing you could have changed things.
She wasn’t wrong but it still didn’t settle the yawning pit in his stomach.
Finding a doctor became paramount. The weather had shifted, the cold air having a bite to it. He found himself seeking out Sanji. He knew that the cook was trying everything in his power to cook up something to get Nami back on her feet but even so things seemed grim. Their normally cheery ship was downtrodden and gloomy.
“Hey,”
Sanji grunted in acknowledgement.
They stood in silence before Usopp heaved a sigh and rested against the counter.
“Tell me if I’m in your way,”
Sanji didn’t verbalize so Usopp let himself assume that it was because he nodded. The sound of crisp vegetables being chopped and the rhythmic sound of the knife meeting the cutting board gave Usopp an idea.
“Hey Sanji, what does cooking feel like?”
The chopping stopped.
“What does cooking feel like?” He parroted.
“Yeah, I mean, we all perceive the world differently so my experience cooking as a non-chef is different. You obviously love cooking so I’m curious what does it feel like to you, how would you describe it.”
He saw Sanji pause, and noticed he shifted closer to Usopp, which meant he was favoring his left.
“That's kind of hard. Cooking comes as easy as breathing to me now.”
“Then that means that there was a time that it didn’t,”
“I suppose, but it's hard to explain,”
“I’ll try.” Usopp said, wiggling his toes in his boots as he thought. Completely missing Sanji's look of bewilderment.
“Cooking is the smell of smoke and cracking and popping of the wood. It's the warmth of the fire and fuzzy flannels. It's the taste of warm syrupy sweetness melting like butter on your tongue. It's hearing your friends laugh and getting sleepy with a full stomach. Its burrowing deep into a sleeping bag knowing that everything is right within that pocket of time.”
Sanji had let himself study Usopp as the boy lost himself in his explanation. He noticed that he rarely mentioned colors or visuals beyond fleeting colors. Somewhere the cogs in his mind were pointing him towards a conclusion, but he couldn’t be sure. Not yet.
“Very poetic,” Sanji mused as he turned back to the carrots in front of him.
“Your turn,” Usopp quipped.
Sanji let himself think back to the creaking wood of the baratie, the crisp morning air as he let himself enjoy a cigarette before heading down to the kitchen. The sound of Zeff’s gait, tap thump, tap thump, tap thumping on the floor. The fondness of his smile. The way the lines on his aging face would crinkle as he told Sanji where to go and how to get there, the sappy fatherly fondness as he referred to Sanji as his Eggplant.
“I guess cooking is the sound of the burners clicking on. That rhythmic clack, clack, clack, and the fwoosh of gas as it finally ignites. It's the sizzling of bacon in a pan, and the clinking of ice cubes in water pitchers. It's the blinding smile and the priceless expression of someone savoring your food. It's like a warm hug after a really bad argument, or a soft, fluffy blanket and a cup of tea sitting next to a window in a storm. It's the flavors that dance and coat your tongue as you try a new recipe for the first time.”
Sanji paused to study Usopp again. His eyes were closed and he looked as if he were imagining exactly what Sanji was describing. The cook felt himself smile, something about their Sniper was different, his stories were detailed and animated, the ways he's described things, it was almost as if you could reach out and touch everything. The vividness of his descriptions were captivating, intoxicating. Emboldened Sanji continued, shifting his experience a bit.
“Learning to cook was challenging,” He began going through the motions of preparing the meal again, punctuating his cuts with points of his story. He watched Usopp’s fingers tapping against the counter in time with the slices of the vegetables.
“When I first started cooking was frustrating. It was like the shrill whistling of a tea kettle, and the rattling of dishes in a storm,” He watched as Usopp’s brow furrowed in thought.
“It was the feeling of pricking your finger, the strange sensation of tightness that sometimes surrounds a wound and the tickling sensation of dried blood. It was warm water and soap and the pulling sensation of adhesive bandages. It was the countless critiques, booming voices, and-” Sanji cut himself off as his family came to mind.
The clattering of his knife on the board startled Usopp out of his trance.
“Sanji are you okay?” Usopp tried, his voice tight and panicky.
Sanji hadn't realized how close Usopp had been before his hands were splayed in the air next to him, like he was feeling for Sanji. This close, their breath mingling in the space between them, he realized. Usopp despite being so close wasn’t focused on him, his eyes were cloudy, the right coated in a milky-ish film he’d never noticed before.
It struck him then that only Luffy had ever broken that barrier with Usopp. The captain had no concept of personal space, so he had to have noticed. In the times that Sanji would utilize the Usopp listening service he’d never really taken the time to watch the sniper, to start unraveling the mystery.
Zoro throwing the door open, startled them both out of whatever that moment had been. Sanji mentally cursed himself and then his family as he turned his attention to Zoro. He watched Usopp relax but squeezed his hand in a manner that he hoped was reassuring. The sniper relaxed a bit as Sanji threatened to maim the swordsman for his utter lack of tact and care for watching Vivi. She’d been pushing herself too hard and wasn’t allowing herself any slack. It was obvious she was considering this her fault as well.
After Zoro had wandered out, Sanji had again turned to Usopp. The sniper had been silent throughout the Zoro exchange and he was nervously chewing his lip.
“Hey, sorry about that. It’s still a bit jarring to think back on the early days of cooking for me. A lot of stuff happened and it startled me when it all came crashing back is all. I’m not hurt so that's good.”
“Oh, good,” Usopp breathed, defaulting a bit.
“That's a cool little trick, the visualization. I hear some people are so good at visualizations that they can imagine entirely new worlds from that alone.”
“Seriously?”
Sanji was tempted to say that Usopp was one of those people. He could immerse them in a world of his own creation with his words alone.
“I’ve also heard of people who visualize things and can kind of unlock eidetic memory capacity.”
“That sounds fake.”
“It’s not!” Sanji defends, “There are people who have found that if you link an object with a physical location then you can remember better.”
“So it’s just aggressive memory categorization. Not a true eidetic memory.”
Sanji makes a face, hoping to get a rise out of Usopp, but feels his heart sink a bit when there's no response. He filed that reaction away to analyze later.
“So could you do the memory technique for a place you’ve never been?” Usopp asked seriously.
“I guess, it just helps to get you bearings,”
Usopp snorted, his nose twitching. “That's a load of bullshit.”
“What, you don’t believe in getting your bearings?” Sanji asked incredulously.
“Trust me I struggle with being aware of my surroundings on a daily basis, no matter what techniques you instill you’re still off target. In a perfect world with only you and no outside influence sure you’d be fine getting around. But as soon as other people are added to the equation there's a degree of uncertainty.”
“You don’t look like you struggle to know where you are.”
As if to add insult to injury Zoro steps into the kitchen and looks around while scratching his head before leaving all while mumbling to himself. The pair burst into laughter, the belly deep, gut-busting laughter.
“See, you’re more aware than that neanderthal.”
“Hey, being directionally challenged is a real issue. We must protect the lost,” Usopp tried, but couldn’t stop his face from splitting into a smile.
“Ah yes, you're quite right, a real shame if-”
A startled shout and the plunking sound of something heavy hitting the water reached them.
“Mr. Bushido!” Vivi called, voice tinged with worry.
A sopping wet Zoro and a startled Vivi found them doubled over on the kitchen floor laughing like hyenas.
Usoop had grown comfortable, more than he would have liked to admit all things considered. The threat of Wapol wasn’t something he wanted to linger on. But the island had a doctor, one on the other side of the island if Usopp had understood correctly. He and Vivi were making their ascent but of course nothing ever goes according to plan. With the constant snow, unfamiliar environment and too many things for Usopp to process to effectively use his haki he felt powerless. Zoro and Karu were supposed to be watching the ship, but he and Vivi were supposed to be trying to find the doctor. Luffy, Sanji and Nami had gone ahead, probably in the wrong direction based on what they'd just learned.
The snow was an assault to his already weak retina and he realized he was in a bad way. He was as blind as many had believed him to be. The normal crutches he used to be able to present as normal were taken away from him in the storm.
Vivi was calling directions at him, commanding him like he was some sort of pawn. He couldn't take it anymore. The frustration, the helplessness, the crushing stress of the past few days. Usopp snapped.
No... he exploded.
“NO I DIDN’T SEE THAT RABBIT JUST NOW, NO I CAN’T FOLLOW THAT MOVEMENT IN THE TREES? WHAT TREES VIVI? EVERYTHING FUCKING WHITE AND COLD!!! I’M FUCKING BLIND OKAY?”The tears streamed down his face, he wanted them to burn but they just left icy tracks across his cheeks.
He stomped his way through the snow, it did nothing to soothe the boiling rage bubbling over.
He heard her gasp, one of shock and regret, heard the quick crunching of her footsteps as she ran through the snow.
“Wait, please, Usopp,” She shouted.
He let his shoulders drop, let the weight of his pathetic outburst pull him down.
Vivi was standing in front of him. Her breath coming in warm clouds. He assumed she was testing his vision, and he thought he’d scream if he heard “How many fingers am I holding up?” one more time.
“You’re really blind.” She breathed in disbelief.
“Who would lie about being blind?”
“That’s not what I meant,” She said hurriedly. “It’s just, you can do everything that we do, except-”
“Except I can’t see?”
“No, it’s just, I don’t know how to say this without being insensitive,” She paused.
“Just say it,” He groaned. He was not in a good mood. Plus the snow was starting to saturate his coat.
“You don’t act blind.” He saw her flinch.
“You’re right that is insensitive,” He spoke again before she could start with the apologies. “Well, I guess I’m lucky. I’m fully blind in one eye and low vision in the other. I’ve been told it was retinal damage I can’t remember if it was pre or post-natal but it’s supposedly congenital. My left eye can see blurry colors. So you’re just a blob of blue and mostly yellow to me.”
“So you can’t see faces?”
“No, just general blurry shapes and muted colors.”
“Woah, so what about-”
“I swear I’ll answer all your questions later, but please, they-”
He heard her sharp inhale, “They don’t know so they, your crew?”
“I think Luffy might but no I don’t think that they do.”
“So what now,”
“What indeed,” Usopp muttered as he stared blankly at the neverending white in front of him.
It was always exciting to gain a new member. While Usopp was thrilled that they had a doctor now, he couldn’t help but be weary. He let himself join in with the antics and had tried his best to shake off the critical eyes of both doctors.
Kureha had cornered him while he was alone, which was as unpleasant as he imagined. She grabbed his face and jerked his chin up so she could look into his eyes. Whatever she saw had her clicking her tongue and sighing.
“Do they know?”
“Do they know what?” He could feel himself breaking into a cold sweat, his palms turning clammy.
“Don’t play coy, with me. You know exactly what I’m asking.”
Usopp’s shoulders curled in on himself.
“I don’t know.”
“Well you best prepare yourself, because my Chopper is a great doctor and will probably out your secret.”
Usopp grimaced. He was afraid of that. Even if Vivi hadn’t meant it, she’d already adapted her behavior, almost to the point of overbearing.
“Theoretically, how could I go about-”
“I’m not going to help you hide this,” She said flatly. The finality in her voice shocking.
“Well if you’d let me finish you’d know that I was going to ask how I could prevent my crew from changing the way that they act around me. I’m not this fragile and helpless creature. I can do things on my own and I’ve had a lot of practice adapting. Hell I’ve even learned to shoot, I mean I owe it to dad for the haki training but-”
“Haki training? You know how to use Haki?”
“Observation Haki, my dad taught it to me so I could defend myself. He tried to help me learn the basics and said the rest was up to me,”
“So you use that to gauge your surroundings?”
“I try to,” Usopp admitted.
Kureha laughed, the sound echoing off the icy walls. “You’ll be fine kid, trust me. I’ve seen a thing or two.”
She swung something in her hand, the scent of alcohol itched at his nose as she muttered to herself. “King of the Pirates, and a blind sniper who relies on Haki… New age indeed.”
“I haven’t decided if you’re all brave or stupid,” She laughed, stepping away from where she’d caged him agaisnt the wall.
“Good luck, you’ll need it.”
Usopp grit his teeth as the crew screeched. He knew. He’d lost sleep over this very situation occurring. He'd been on edge since his conversation with the old witch.
“What?” Chopper asked, the picture of innocence.
“YOU’RE BLIND?” Nami shouted, marching way too close for comfort to stare into his eyes.
He counted back from twenty before speaking.
“Yes, I’m blind not deaf so please lower your voice, and please take a step back, its uncomfortable being this close to you.” His voice was nasally.
Nami didn’t even realize she’d had a death grip on his shoulders, he'd have bruises in the morning, and bent his nose at an absurd angle to stare into his eyes.
“So the money, and the reading,” She muttered to herself and Usopp knew that she was about to beat herself up over it.
“Look, don't get upset over it. The past is the past, you didn’t know.”
“But I was insensitive and I was -”
“And you didn’t know.”
“How are you so good at sniping if you can’t see?” The apparent shock in Zoro’s voice stirred some pride in Usopp.
“My dad taught me. It’s a lot of relying on other senses and extreme awareness of surroundings. Unfortunately I still have a lot of room for improving on that front. I’ve had to use it for longer periods of time and for greater distances, so that's why I have the frequent headaches.”
“Looking at the sun doesn’t help,” Nami muttered.
“That was like one time,”
“More than once, Luffy pitched in.
“You! Why aren’t you shocked?” Nami demanded.
Luffy laughed, “Because his father told me how proud of his son he was. He said, 'My son is almost as good a shot as me, and he’s blind. Puts these people to shame.' Plus I’ve never seen him miss a shot, Usopp or his Dad.”
“How could you leave us in the dark about this?” Nami demanded.
Usopp tried not to think about how silent Sanji was.
What he didn’t see was the expression of shock and the way Sanji had all but forgotten how to breathe. He didn’t see as the cook processed and analyzed every interaction between them, searching for any kind of sign. He didn’t see the flicker of distraught as he processed.
“They didn’t know?” Chopper asked, perplexed.
“The Great Captain Usopp is just so great that you wouldn’t even know.” He grinned.
“Well, I guess now that the cat’s out of the bag. I should say I’m fully blind in my right eye, and low vision in my left. Basically I can see muted blurs of color but that's it, it's even if its multiple colors it looks just like a gradient single color. It's not really common for me to see mutable colors far away you have to be really close for me to see the multiple colors. I can’t really make out patterns or shapes. I can't read normal books but I can read braille. It's like a code for the normal alphabet but made for people with limited vision. Any other questions?”
At once everyone raised their hand. Usopp just continued to stare at them before Chopper shouted in realization.
He loved his Nakama, he did, but just like always he felt that dread settling deep. Things were going to change whether he liked it or not
He pleaded with himself to, “Be brave Usopp,”