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i am just a boy singing

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Darling, when I'm fast asleep
I've seen this person watching me
Saying, "Is it worth it? Is it worth it? Tell me, is it worth it?”

Percy, whose name is not yet Percy because he is in-between being named incorrectly and being named, lays in his bed at Yancy. Winter break is coming up. Beneath him, his roommate Elisa shores.  He wishes he was allowed to room with his best friend Grover, but he knows that the school would never allow it. He is wide awake, thinking of going home, not sure if he’s excited or dreading it. 

He cannot wait to see his mom. She’d hadn’t been able to take off work for Thanksgiving, so he’d stayed at school. He’s never been without her for so long and his chest aches just thinking about it. He’s resolved that he has to tell her first, though he’s almost messed up a few times and told Grover. Still, his mom deserves to know first. 

“I’m a boy,” He whispers to the ceiling. It says nothing back. Beneath him, Elisa snores on. 

He tries his hardest not to think of Smelly Gabe, who will be waiting for him back in the city too.  He does not know what Gabe will say, though he can imagine. He knows what Gabe thinks of him when he wears boys clothes at home. It isn’t hard to  imagine the words that will come next. He tries to push this aside, but he can’t help but wonder if any of this is worth it.

“Maybe I should just keep it to myself,” He mutters, knowing that he won’t. He tells his mom everything, even if he leaves out the parts that will worry her. ‘What is this worries her?’ A traitorous voice whispers. 

He squeezes his eyes shut and tries to fall asleep. He’s had enough. He’ll tell her. His mom will be the first to know. 

Because there is something, and there is nothing
There is nothing in between

Warm water runs down Percy’s back. His eyes are closed. He’s been standing here too long, but his racing mind has blurred the boundaries of time and he’s stays, still as he’s ever been, under the water, thinking. He feels at home here, though he does not yet know why. 

Gender alludes him.  He doesn’t really know what it means to be a boy or to be a girl,  doesn’t think he wants to know. He just knows that when strangers or new teachers and classmates mistake him for a boy it feels good, it feels right, much better than when they realize that he’s supposed to be a girl. 

And in my eyes, there is a tiny dancer
Watching over me, he's singing
"She's a, she's a lady, and I am just a boy"
He's singing, "She's a, she's a lady, and I am just a line without a hook”
Sally names him Perseus, when he tells her. He asks her what she would have called him. Instead of answering, she smiles at him and says, “I think Perseus suites you. It’s good luck,” She says.

When he asks why, her eyes grow sad, but her smile doesn’t fade, “This way, you’ll get a happy ending, just like you should.” Sally grins and pinches Percy’s cheek, “My little boy, all grown up! My little Perseus.”