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Whamageddon Bellamione Edition

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Bellatrix had reluctantly taken her youngest sisters offer to temporarily reside in Malfoy manor as her Divorce from Rod was finalised, they were nearing the end, it had been gritty, to say the least, Bellatrix had fought hard to stop him getting any of the Black family possessions or estates. It had taken weeks of negotiation and inventory of each individualised item to be claimed and proven as to who it belonged. The precision had meant Bella was not allowed near any of her properties without legal supervision from the vast number of solicitors and officials involved with the case. So it was just easier to remain at the manor.


 Unfortunately, she was not the only guest residing at the manor. Her nephew Draco was an Auror in training and his best friend, a young muggleborn witch who worked in the department of mysteries was also living at the manor. They did not get on.


It would seem from day one Bellatrix had somehow rubbed the brunette up the wrong way, from her first casual conversation over dinner the first night she had moved into the manor.


Bellatrix sat a the oversized table next to Narcissa, she held her glass of blood-red wine as she glanced at the girl across from her as she politely crossed her cutlery on the half-finished plate, and dabbed the napkin to her mouth.

Bellatrix observed the brunette, The brightest witch of her age, was the rumour that spread, She certainly must have been clever to be headhunted for an Unspeakable apprenticeship straight out of Hogwarts. She knew Draco had no romantic interest in the girl, and from the looks of it, the girl looked to Draco more as a protective brother type which challenged her curiosity of why the girl was staying for an indefinite period. 


“So Hermione, what brings you to the manor?” Hermione glanced up, slightly surprised at being addressed after the silence during the meal.


“Lady Malfoy invited me to stay until I can secure a more permanent residence.” 


“No boyfriend you could have crashed with?”

Hermione shook her head.


“Girlfriend?” Bellatrix continued. This however caused quite a different reaction, the brunette jerked her head up looking at the dark witch before abruptly excusing herself and leaving the table in a rush to the door. Draco gave his aunt an annoyed look before rushing after his friend.


“For Goodness sake Bella, could you try to be more tactful with my guests!” Narcissa clipped at her sister. 

“I only asked a question, what's the big deal?” Bellatrix shrugged. Narcissa stared crossly at her sister before sighing.


“The girl had just come out to her parents a couple of weeks ago, it didn't go well, they kicked her out and that is why she is here.”


“Well, little details like that could avoid me fucking up and causing situations like this Narcissa!” Bella stomped off, she wasn't good at apologies, but if she had to live with the girl she may as well try to fix it without getting off on the wrong foot. 


Of course, the world was against this, it seemed the girl was always in the wrong place at the wrong time. Granger just happened to enter the library after a very heated argument over the floo with Rudolphus. Narcissa usually had a bad habit of eavesdropping on such occasions so when Bellatrix heard the door open she assumed her sister had come to give yet another lecture on her mannerisms. 


“Don't Fucking Start!” Bellatrix shouted before the door was fully open. She looked up to see large brown eyes looking horrified as Hermione Muttered “Sorry.” and closed the door quietly. Bellatrix went to explain herself, but the girl had already disappeared and in a manor this large it was impossible to know where. 


The manor was never a boring place to be. Draco had been lucky to grow up with his aunt as a regular visitor, they were close, though as he grew up his mischievous streak and constant shopping at Weasley's joke shop caused him to pull many pranks. Bellatrix didn't mind so much however Draco’s most recent one had been ill-timed when he planted sleeping draught into her coffee causing her to sleep through and miss an important scheduled meeting, His guilty face at dinner was all the confession she needed, she planned to punish him before work hexing his hair to be bubblegum pink, however, an ill-timed nudge caused her hex to instead hit Granger who once again took it as a personal attack, cursing the dark witch who held her cool as she attended her next solicitor meeting sporting a crudely drawn mustache and beard on her face. It wasn't until she got home and begged Granger to remove it the muggle-born tossed her some alcohol-based cleaner and muttered. “This should get it off” before slamming the door in Bella’s face. After that Bellatrix chose to simply avoid all contact with the girl. And as December rolled round it was working swimmingly.

“Are you sure you don't wish to join me in Paris?” Narcissa asked for a third time that morning. Bellatrix knew the blonde didn't want to leave her on her own in the house. Draco was still working away and Hermione when she was not at work avoided any contact involving the eldest Black sister.

“I already told you Cissy no! I’m going to Diagon first thing to get the few bits I need and then I won't be venturing out until the holidays are over, You know I detest this time of year!” Bellatrix spat as she buttered her toast at breakfast.


“Hmph maybe if you weren't such a Grinch you would enjoy yourself more!” Narcissa muttered.




“Try and actually enjoy yourself, get into the spirit, it will be your first Christmas with your family and as a Black once again!” Narcissa gestured. Before checking her cloak was fastened appropriately and disappeared through the floo. Bellatrix mulled over her sister's words as she munched on her toast Cissy had a point, it was her first Christmas free and with her family. 


Bella apparated into Diagon alley, she wrapped her cloak tight and put her hood up hoping to not be noticed, how she hated crowds. She needed Gringotts, and started walking in that direction. Her teeth gritted at the thought of spending the morning in the already bustling shops, she didn't want to go shopping but knew gifts wouldn't buy themselves. 


She looked around, seeing the wall move as a couple came through the muggle side entry to Diagon Alley. Muggle . . . There was an idea, No one would know her on the muggle side if she went shopping. 


Hermione poked her head out of her bedroom door, She was so sure she was hearing things and it only confirmed as the telltale sound of Slade echoed from downstairs. She was sure Draco would have sent a message if he was coming home early. So she went to investigate.


To say Hermione was completely gobsmacked at the sight before her was an understatement, she practically dropped her jaw to the ground as she looked across the room. Bellatrix was crudely trying to wrap a bow around an over-wrapped package, she had tinsel tying back some of her curls, glitter dust all over her dress and a mini ribbon bow stuck to her elbow that was most likely the thing she was searching for as she rummaged through her pile of bags.


“Granger!” Bellatrix shouted over the Christmas music as she spotted her at the door. 


“You shouldn't snoop on people when they're wrapping presents! Lucky for you I've already done yours!” Bellatrix winked as she spoke the last part of the sentence, and continued on wrapping another box. Hermione was speechless and continued to stare, pinching herself just to be sure she wasn't dreaming. 

“If you're gonna just stand and stare at the door, then you may as well just piss off, if you want to be useful then come and help me wrap this one for Narcissa” Bellatrix hummed. Hermione chose the latter and went to sit next to the dark witch.


“Alexa! Play the Wizzard Christmas song again!” Bellatrix shouted. Now Hermione was intrigued as the sound of ‘ I wish it could be Christmas everyday ’ played in the background. 

“You bought an Alexa?” Bella looked up grinning, 


“Yes, she's better than a house-elf!” and continued to hum to the song now playing. 


“How did you manage to set her up?”


“I'm not completely useless Granger, I read the instructions and hooked it onto your Ipad thing”


“How the hell did you get my passcode?!”


“Silly witch, you think it out loud every time you type it in!” Hermione scoffed in annoyance, still, she was impressed with how Bella had managed to actually work her way around muggle technology without help.


“Is this CARTIER!?” Hermione shouted looking at the package logo. Bellatrix confirmed passing Hermione a Glass of Wine.
“Bellatrix did you shop in Muggle London?” Hermione asked incredulously.


Bellatrix still humming and taking a swig from her glass nodded enthusiastically.


“And from now on I will every Christmas! So much easier, no one bothers you! Well as long as your confundus charm works.”


Hermione facepalmed on realisation. “You jinxed the muggles to keep away from you? You know that's illegal right?”


“No one was hurt. No one needs to know, Can be our little secret Granger” Bella winked. The wine was going to her head. The girl was nice company, her mood was good and shopping was done.


Unfortunately, her wits were not on full alert. She had not noticed the rogue floating mistletoe heading towards them as Granger took a sip of her wine, out the corner of both their eyes they both simultaneously spotted the mistletoe! “I’m gonna fucking kill Draco!” Bella barked through gritted teeth. Unable to think anymore as Hermione leaned forward and pecked her on the lips, it was only meant to last a moment, however, Bellatrix kissed her back.


Hands shyly roamed into each other's hair. Eyes barely fluttering open as all was focused on the kiss, and just as it began to deepen The sound of Wham’s ‘Last Christmas’ started playing. 


Hermione pulled back abruptly, shocked for a moment at what happened. And then turned to anger.

“3 days, I had 3 fucking days left! And you’ve bloody Wham’d me!” She shouted as she huffed, standing up and storming out of the room.

“Whammed?” Bellatrix mouthed in confusion, refusing to be left in the dark and tired of arguments she stood up and stormed after the girl.


“The fuck do you mean I whammed you? You're the one who kissed me! I don't fuck at random Granger, I would actually court you properly first!” Bellatrix shouted as she walked out into the front courtyard, the snow was falling thickly and visibility, as it was darkening, was hard, she couldn't see Hermione's face but could see she had at least stopped.


“No Wham’d, its a game, when that song came on I lost, I'm not meant to hear it between December 1st and 25th!” Hermione complained, throwing her hands in the air.


“How the fuck was I meant to know, blame Alexa not me!”


“Wait, what do you mean you would court me?”




“You, you said you would court me . .” Hermione suddenly felt shy.


“Well yeah if you would stop blowing up in my face about every little thing!”


“I . . I didn't think you liked me”

“You never gave me a chance!”


“I’m sorry Bellatrix, I thought you were Homophobic I guess”




“Never mind, I am sorry”


“You will be”


“What?” SMACK. A stray snowball hit Hermione's center of the face as she heard a cackle through the snowstorm.


“You'll regret that!”


“Make me!” Hermione laughed as she chased the dark witch with a snowball. Suddenly Christmas felt much more homely.