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both alike in dignity

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Two assholes, both alike in dignity,
In fair America, where we lay our scene,
When ancient tropes get legal scrutiny,
And self-lubed butts make civil suits unclean.
From forth the slickened loins of these two foes
A pair of suffering lawyers take their fees;
Whose misadventured pleadings in full prose,
Do with their words create our watching glee.
The hapless passage of their baseless claims,
& the continuance of their publisher's rage,
Which none can read and yet stay sane,
Is now the 20 minutes traffic of our stage;
The which if you with patient ears attend,
What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.