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Whedonverse Savage Love

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Hey Dan!

I rent a room to a wonderful, classy gal, and I think I'm in love with her. Only trouble is, she's a whore. I keep telling her she's just degrading herself and she could be doing so much better with all her talents, but she won't ever hear me. I know she feels something for me, even if she doesn't like showing it. How can I bring it out and show her how good we can be together?

Johnny Reb

Hey JR

I want you to sit down and read this with your full attention, even though you're not gonna like it.

You're a creepy hypocritical douchebag pimp.

If you really love this woman, and you're not just getting off on your creepy fantasies about rescuing fallen women, you need to listen to what she's saying, because there's nothing in your letter that makes me think you are. You need to start treating her and her choices with some respect. You also need to recognise that there are some bad names you can call a guy who lives off a "whore's" earnings, tries to make her feel like shit, and tries to get in her pants all the time.

Dan

Hey Dan!

I'm just coming out of a really fucking bad few years, and I've finally found a boyfriend who isn't a psycho or a total loser and who I actually want to see the morning after. Trouble is, I knew when I started dating him that I was a bit like his mom (who died when he was just a kid) and that it might have something to do with him going for me, but now he's started calling me Mommy when we're fucking and wanting me to do it in a leather jacket. Not that I don't have a bit of a thing for leather myself, but I think it's cos she always used to wear one, which is really creeping me out. Is this something to dump him over?

No-one's Mommy Dearest

Hey NMD

Well, with some of the letters I get, I'm glad he isn't fucking his actual dead mother. As I always say, part of making a relationship a two-way thing is at least accommodating your partner's kinks, as long as they aren't dangerous, painful in a bad way, or such a turn off they ruin sex for you. As long as he isn't the kind of emotionally parasitic loser who expects you to "mother" him in your wider relationship, it sounds like you have something good going on, so if he wants to play out his semi-incestuous orphaned kinks with you verbally, just ignore it, or pull the jacket over your ears and say "La la la".

Dan

Hey Dan!

I work on a ship with a bunch of other people, and we don't have any big no sex on board thing. A few months ago, this really hot guy joined up, along with his sister who's funny in the head, and I think there's interest from both sides. Trouble is, it's been months now, and I think my coochie's gonna seal itself up or something, it's been so long I've been waiting for him to make his move. Plus it's sometimes hard to get hold of batteries where we are. It's been close a few times, but he always gets shy or says something really dumb or something. I know he's under a lot of strain, but I'm a bit worried he might be secretly queer, or even a bit too close to little sis if you get what I mean. How do I get something moving here?

Lonely in the Black

OK LitB

You're both adults, you live together, you're both into each other, and it's been "months"? This is beyond "shy". Sometimes, if het boys have had a really sheltered life and have really deep-seated issues about sex, they do get in a horrible mess about whether they want someone or not. The only way out of this, according to woman friends of mine who are into straight boys, is to make an opportunity to be alone with him for a long time, look into his eyes, and say casually "Do you want to fuck me now?". Practice so you can say it, if you have inhibitions (giggling can even help defuse the tension). If that doesn't work, I'm afraid he's almost certainly a twisted incestuous crazy-sister-lovin' pervert. Or, worse, he's a closet case. Either way, you need to start looking for a sane, straight, hot guy.

Dan

PS: God, I hate stupid childish euphemisms like "coochie"

Hey Dan

I'm a bi guy who looks a lot younger than he is. I used to have a big substance abuse problem, and did a load of bad stuff and hurt a lot of people. I've been clean for a few years and I've got a great job. Unfortunately, there's a guy working under me who I used to do very bad things with. Oh, and we used to screw a lot. He's clean too now, but he's always getting in my face and I think someday if no-one else is around I'm just going to shove him up against a wall and show him who's boss the way I used to in the old days, if you get my drift. I think he might want that too, from how often he takes the opportunity to get in my face. But so much of what we used to do was about the.. substances and… the other bad stuff that I'm frightened if we started the sex again we'd start doing the other stuff too. I'm seriously thinking about quitting myself or doing something to get him transferred out. Which might be a bad thing for him.

Big Bad Daddy

Hey BBD

Tough one. I've been lucky enough never to have had any serious abuse issues myself, but it's often said you should be very careful about dating people you used to do drugs with, even if they're clean as well. My utterly unqualified and irresponsible impulse is to say jump him and see how things go. But if you both end up dead in a crack house, it's not my fault, OK?

Dan