Work Text:
The engine room felt so far away from everything else. The rest of the seven all knew it was practically Leo’s room. No one ever came in unless they had to. And why would they? Leo had messed up, if it hadn’t been for him- no. He can’t start thinking about it. This wasn’t like his mom. No one else was going to die because of his mistakes.
Leo sat down against the engine, pressing the back of his head against the warm metal, trying to breathe, like he had always been told. But his breaths were shaking, and his heartbeat and only picking up.
It had only been a few days on the ship, and he already felt the urge to run away. The fighting didn’t seem to stop. They were being chased wherever they went. How could you escape when the woman who haunted your nightmares made up the entire earth?
Suddenly a reflection of light from his tool belt, disregarded a few feet away, caught his eye. A small knife was sitting in the pocket, no bigger then four inches. Leo grabbed it and twirled it in between his fingers.
There was a voice in the back of his head telling him not to. This wouldn’t solve anything. His friends needed him whole. Except... his friends didn’t need him. Everywhere he went destruction followed. His mother, New Rome, and he could see the looks Hazel gave him, just his presence cause her pain, he didn’t even know why. Hell, there was even a prophecy foreseeing him destroying the universe.
Leo stopped fiddling with the knife and put the tip on his wrist, not breaking his skin. He stared at his unblemished arm. All of the other half bloods could handle this. They had been through wars, watched friends die. What was so wrong with Leo that he was falling apart under the smallest stress?
He pushed the knife into his skin.
None of them complained though. No, it was only Leo that wouldn’t take it.
“Leo?”
Leo jumped up, hiding his hands and the knife behind his back. Piper stood in the doorway, dressed in her pajamas and battle armor.
“H-hey, Piper, is there a problem?”
She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it again. The room was completely still. Leo desperately wanted to run out, to just shrink up and vanish, but he was frozen. Piper just stared at him, eyes blank. He watched as she blinked a couple of times and then snapped back into reality.
“Um, I was just... we need to redirect the ship.... we hit more storm spirits, Jason’s fighting them but...” Her voice trailed off.
Leo swore. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’ll go fix it now.”
He tried to push past Piper but she grabbed his wrist, revealing the bloody knife in this hand. Leo immediately tried to rip his arm out of Pipers grip, but she didn’t relent.
“Let me go, Piper, Jason needs help,” Leo said. His heart started pounding again, until it was all he could hear. He frantically yanked his arm but Piper wouldn’t let go. Shit, when did she get so strong? “Piper, this isn’t funny, you need to let me go, just-“
He locked eyes with Piper, and the fight left him. Her eyes were brimming with tears, completely hollow. Slowly she slipped the knife out of his hand of placed it on the engine.
”Why don’t we go into my room?” Piper whispered.
The walls started closing in, he needed out of the room, out from under her worried stare. Leo tried to push past Piper, but he was shaking too hard to put any force behind it.
“I need to go man the ship,” Leo insisted, his voice shaking too now, “You said Jason needs help.”
“Jason can take care of himself,” Piper said, glancing over at the knife. “Come on.”
Piper lead him back to her room, closing the door behind her. He sat on the floor at the foot of her bed and curled into himself, squeezing his eyes tight. Piper sat down next to him, a little to close for comfort.
“I’m fine, Pipes,” Leo whispered, not looking up from the floor. Silent tears poured out of his eyes, dripping on the floor.
Piper sighed. He could feel her eyes digging into his head. “This isn’t fine, Leo.”
Leo lifted his head and glanced at Piper. She looked so... hurt. Great, another person damaged in his path of destruction. Pipers pity would just make everything worse, she didn’t need to spend any time on him when there were actual problems.
Leo looked down towards the floor, unable to keep looking at her.
“Do you want to talk?” Piper asked.
Thoughts spiraled around Leo’s head so fast he couldn’t pick any out. What could he say to get out of here, to leave him alone? He felt the panic coming back, but he wouldn’t break down in front of Piper again. Eventually, he just shook his head.
Leo felt the panic starting to come back. He couldn’t look awake from the cut on his wrist. He rubbed at it with his other hand, smearing blood on his finger. Only an inch long, but it stung. A physical reminder of how fucked up he was. The air in the room started to thinner, his lungs couldn’t seem to get in enough oxygen.
Piper pulled Leo into a hug and his wall broke. His body was wracked with sobs as he cried into her shoulder. It was uncomfortable, both of them sitting on the floor, but he held on to her for dear life. His hands shook. Leo kept whispering apologizes, but Piper kept shushing him, telling him it was okay, but nothing was okay. She held onto him impossibly tight. Eventually, Leo’s tears dried up, and he pulled away. A tear stain was left in Pipers shirt.
“You’re gonna need a new shirt there, Beauty Queen,” he mumbled.
Piper smiled slightly. She took Leo’s hand and leaned on his shoulder. They sat in silence. Leo realized she was waiting for him to talk, but everything had left him. He felt blank.
After what felt like eons, Piper spoke up.
“Do you remember our first day at Wilderness School?”
Leo smirked. “Yeah, you tried to convince Coach Hedge to give you his room with the private bathroom.”
“I was so scared then, and angry too, with my dad, his stupid assistant, and I had no hope for the school. The girls on the bus there had been teasing me, the boys just staring, I thought I would just be alone again. That is until this random guy linked arms with me and suggested to Hedge we share the suite together.”
“Ha, yeah, I was sure Hedge would take me out with his bat right there for even suggesting us rooming together. It would be a scandal.”
Piper laughed. “You has my back though, I didn’t even know you at the time.” She sighed and lifted her head. Piper and Leo locked eyes. “You’re my best friend, Leo. Let me help.”
Leo put his head down again and shut his eyes, refusing to cry again, which was proving difficult.
“I can’t take it anymore,” he whispered, voice cracking. “The fighting, and the running, it’s too much. I’m falling apart.” Leo took a moment to catch his breath, unable to hold back his tears anymore. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Everyone else is doing fine, I just can’t handle it.”
“Leo, you aren’t alone. Everyone else may seems composed, but we’re all under a lot of stress. Do you know the first actual conversation I had with Percy was when I ran into him in the bathroom, puking after a nightmare?”
Leo shook his head.
“We are all processing the whole ‘fate of the world in our hands go on a quest with high risk of death’ news,” Piper continued. “There isn’t anything wrong with you.”
“It just feels like everything is starting at catch up. I’ve been running from my past my whole life, I’ve never really had a chance to breathe. And now with the quest, and all the monsters and finding out that Gaea and Hera were controlling my entire life, I’m drowning in all of this.”
Leo felt exposed. He waited for Piper to tell him that he was crazy, to just get over himself. She was going to tell the rest of the seven he couldn’t handle himself.
“Sorry,” he mumbled. “Just forget I said anything, it’s not important.”
He stood up to leave but Piper pulled him back down. She took his hand again and held it tight.
“Of course it’s important, Leo. That’s a lot. No one should carry that one their own. You don’t need to talk to me if you don’t want to, but you need to talk to someone. Cutting yourself isn’t going to make this better.”
Leo stared down at the cut again, red and angry.
“I know I just... I though it would all hurt less less if I was physically hurting. That I deserved to be in real pain.”
“Oh gods, Leo, you deserve the world. You deserve eternity in the Isle of the Blest.”
Leo smiled a bit, although he didn’t believe what Piper had said, it was still nice. Piper leaned on his side, and he could feel her breathing. Slowly he became more grounded as he matched her breath.
“Hey, Pipes? Do you think you can not tell anyone about this.”
Piper detached from his side and looked into his eyes. “I won’t, but you’ve got to promise you’ll come to me for help if you need it. We’re in this together.”
Leo’s dopey smile started to make his way back to his face. “You’ve got it beauty queen, scouts honor.”
Piper rolled her eyes, but she was smiling too. She squeezed Leo’s hand and stood up, pulling him up with her. “Why don’t we go see if Jason is still alive?” She joked.
Leo nudged her in the side and slung his arm around her, and they walked out of the room together.