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The Proposal

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"So," Oscar beams as she gestures towards the last slide, "according to my research, if you start going out with Bernard it will improve his newspaper output by over 50%, which will increase student activism by 20%, which will increase the sports teams' morale by at least 15%, and the soccer team should reach the division playoffs."

Rosalie takes a long sip of her latte as she tries to think of how to respond. Diane was blowing up her texts all weekend about something Oscar was up to, but she didn't know exactly what was going on except that it involved Bernard somehow, so while Rosalie had braced herself for suggestions about the opinions column she edited in the newspaper, she wasn't prepared for thirty minutes of graphs explaining why she should date Bernard.

Oscar runs to turn the lights back on in the deserted classroom, then slides into the seat next to Rosalie, setting the open laptop between them.

"What do you think, Rosalie?"

"That was...a very well made powerpoint," Rosalie says.

Oscar practically bounces in the seat. Rosalie can never get over how much Oscar reacts to any praise; each time it's as if she's never been complimented before.

"The font choices were very good," Rosalie adds, to buy time.

"I thought you would like them," Oscar gushes. "And, and I made sure the licenses were—"

"I especially liked these animated transitions between the slides showing Bernard's instagram photos."

"Yes, yes!" Oscar stares at her expectantly.

Rosalie picks up the latte again: her name is Rosemary today, apparently. She is beginning to think Lulu does it on purpose.

"And?" Oscar says.

"And what?"

"Well, you know, the uh. My proposal. About Bernard."

"Well. You see, Oscar..."


"You know you're one of my best friends here at Versailles University."


"And becoming assistant manager of the women's soccer club changed my life."

"It's been an honor to work with you."

"And I'll always value your opinions and advice."

"Thank you..." Oscar is starting to look as if she might cry.


Oscar looks down at her hands. "But?"

"Oscar, I'm a lesbian."

"...oh. Oh!" Oscar starts to laugh, putting her face in her hands. "Oh my God, I did surveys..."

"They were very good surveys," Rosalie says, patting Oscar's shoulder. "I admire your dedication to avoiding statistical bias."

"Have you been...have you been...lesbianning...long...?"

Rosalie can practically feel the temperature going up from how hard Oscar is blushing. "A while, yes."

Oscar closes the laptop and picks it up, mumbling something behind it.

"Sorry?" Rosalie stares at the roses covering the laptop, trying to see the hidden expression Oscar is making.


Rosalie smiles and ruffles Oscar's hair. It smells like roses. "I think I could make time..."