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Come not within the measure of my wrath

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Benvolio looked down upon Romeo and his wife. They both committed suicide, yet they looked so peaceful. It was hard seeing them like that.

Benvolio looked around the Capulet crypt, surrounded by Capulets and Montagues who were crying. Or rather, yelling. Yelling and screaming at each other as they always did.

This was not how it was supposed to go. What was he supposed to do now?

Looking at the quarreling adults, Benvolio’s blood started to boil and his hands formed fists as all his built-up anger slowly rose to the surface.

“OH MY GOD, CAN YOU ALL SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR LIKE ONE SECOND!?” he screamed at the top of his lungs.

Everyone, Capulets and Montagues alike, became silent and stared at Benvolio.

“I’m trying to have a deep, emotional moment here and all you can do is argue!?”

The Capulets and Montagues looked at each other in shock.

“Too many people died for this shitty feud of y’all,” Benvolio spat. “First Mercutio, then Romeo and Juliette-”

“And Tybalt!” lady Capulet butted in.

“And Tybalt,” Benvolio continued, “But lady, if you interrupt me again I swear to God I will punch you in the face.”

Lady Capulet made an offended face, but kept her mouth shut. Instead, prince Paris stepped forward to defend his ex-mother-in-law-to-be’s honor.

“You better watch your mouth, Montague-“

“BE QUIET, CREAM PUFF!” Benvolio screamed. Paris jumped back in line again quickly.

“Romeo and Juliette died for their love, hoping to unite the feuding families at last. I told them it was a shitty idea but nooo, they thought y’all deserved a 200th chance, ‘cause they’re too fuckin’ pure for this world! I can tell you, it fuckin’ sucks to be right.”

Everyone shifted uncomfortably.

“To quote a recently deceased friend of mine: ‘A curse on both of your fuckin’ houses and to hell with this fuckin’ feud’!”

“I don’t think he said it like-” someone started.

“Oh, I can assure you that was a word for word quote,” Benvolio hissed. “Now shut up!”

The person stepped back again, his place taken by the prince of Verona.

“Look, Benvolio, I understand that you’re emotional, but-”

“DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON YOU, YOU SPINELESS NOODLE!” Benvolio screamed. The prince turned pale. “This is all your fault. You can’t govern this town for shit, so just quit already!”

Benvolio looked around the crypt.

“Anyone else got something to say?”

Everyone shook their heads.

“Alright,” Benvolio said. “Y’all sort this out yourselves. I quit. Benvolio out.”

He dropped his torch like a microphone and marched away, leaving two astonished families behind.

“Did it work?” a voice asked from the shadows outside.

Benvolio faced Mercutio.

“We’re converting to plan B. We’ll meet Romeo and Juliette in Mantua tonight. Don’t forget to inform Tybalt.”

Mercutio gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, turned on his heels and spurted in the direction of the Capulet mansion.

Benvolio sighed. Not his preferred outcome, but it was something. Maybe now they could all be happy at last.