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Published:
2020-05-06
Completed:
2020-05-18
Words:
18,870
Chapters:
13/13
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44
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70
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Céline and Adèle

Summary:

This story is the continuation of the fanfic Noémie and Adèle. This time, from Céline's perspective, but not just her own. It is a tribute to Céline Sciamma and Portrait of a Lady on Fire, who have changed my life.
It's translated from Spanish by Google with some fixes. The original Spanish version is also published. I appreciate your suggestions with translation issues and comments in general.

Thank you for reading.

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twitter: @aldeana74102066

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter Text

Adèle opens the door with her own key. She takes off her coat and smiles at me. I am on the sofa reading. She takes the book out of my hand and rests her head on my lap so I can caress her hair.

- I'm reading.

- No longer.

Giggling. She has that silly laugh that doesn't suit her at all.

- And Noémie?

- At home. What's wrong, do I have to take her everywhere?

- Hmmm.

I stroke her hair. She closes her eyes.

- How about your tics.

- Well, lately out of control

- I have already noticed. I've been watching some interview videos.

- And?

- You have that tic with your tongue constantly.

- It's because of the interview on Mediapart. I am going crazy.

- There's nothing left. Everything will be fine.

We were silent for a long time. She with her eyes closed. I look at her face, which I have kissed so many times. And she tells me that Noémie is determined that I go home at Christmas.

- And are you going?

- Not.

- Why do you make her suffer?

She opens her eyes and looks at me intrigued.

- I don't want to meet her family, her family hates me and they don't even know me. Can you imagine me getting there and not even talking to anyone?

- Of course they will talk to you.

- Her father ... She's been showing me pictures of her family. Her father is in a wheelchair. Had an accident.

- Adèle.

- What.

- I was so calm reading my book and now you tell me about Noémie's life, when are you going to stop?

She can no longer focus on my caresses, neither can I.

- When am I going to stop?

- Yes. You told me: I have to go my way. But it wasn't true, you're still in my life. You come and go from your life to mine, and vice versa. You go in and out when you feel like it. I have to tell you something.

She blinks in surprise.

- I've started a relationship.

- Sex?

- It's not just sex. I like her and I want to continue seeing her and you cannot suddenly enter the house when we want privacy.

- Who?

- Does it matter now?

- Are you kicking me out of your life?

- I'm not kicking you out of my life, I'm just saying it would be easier for me if you called before coming.

Adèle gets up from the sofa, goes to the coat rack and looks in the pocket. She takes my key out of her key ring and puts it on the table. She puts on her coat and leaves without saying goodbye.

I look out the window and watch her ride off on her golden bike. It breaks my heart. How is it possible that every time I see her leave home my heart breaks like the first time?

 

Monday 4 November 2019, 6 p.m.

Adèle will be on the TV in one hour talking about Ruggia. Noémie comes to watch the interview with me. Adèle did not want us to accompany her to the television studio, she went with Marine.

- You're freezing. Did you come by bicycle?

She nods. She hardly speaks. She's in shock, just like me. It is not that she is very communicative anyway, I suspect that neither of us will say a word the duration of the program, but it will be a good company. She sits next to me on the couch.

- I have served some snacks.

I point to the table, the bottle of wine, the cheese, the bread. But we will not eat, we are not hungry. Noémie sits next to me. A year and a month ago we met and now I really start to see her. I think when we made the movie I didn't see her at all, I just saw myself. She was doing my role, the one I would have done if I had been an actress, representing my own life, my own love story. It was a very big burden, all the time I was frustrated because it seemed to me that she could not do it as I wanted. I don't know how the poor thing could have done it. I don't know how she could express something in the end, with all the weight I put on her shoulders. And Adèle ... Adèle was very brave to accept playing herself in the film because she knew it was a tribute to our love story, she knew where each scene had come from, she had all the references, all the conversations that inspired the dialogues. What if she didn't agree with how I represented something? I think she stayed on the sidelines not to argue, she just ignored that it was "our story."

I'm excited. I look at Noémie, who is trying not to scream and run away. Just like me.

- Do you remember that scene that I made you repeat four times? When you ran down to the beach to apologize to Héloïse.

She nods.

- Tell me the truth. Was it very hard to film other people's love story and have to put up with my bad mood? I say this because in all the interviews you say that I was very kind and sweet.

- And you were. But you were also demanding.

She stays thinking. Noémie is one of those kinds of people who, if you give them enough time, they tell you more and more, you just have to be patient, but if you cut her off, she won't tell you what she was about to say. Now I know why I chose her, now that I know her more and I see that her personality fits exactly with the first idea I had of her, seeing her appear at the casting.

- Do you remember in New York, when you told us that your mother had asked you if you weren't going to miss Adèle?

- And I answered that saying to someone I love you is something that has a future and that is why I did not feel nostalgic at all.

- Yeah...

Noémie looks at me curiously. I know that she is not a person who asks you about your life, I know that it took her a long time to ask this question.

- How do you do it? How is it possible to continue loving that person without going crazy, without dying of pain? I don't know ... Forgive me. You know? I drank before I came. A whole bottle of wine.

- Wow!

I look at her amused.

- I just want to know how it is possible.

- I'd love too. Not, seriously. How is it possible to love Adèle when our love relationship has ended? What a question. I do it to myself sometimes too, don't believe it. Sometimes I'm writing something and I stop because I ask myself this question and I can't find the answer, but still I still love her.

She is shocked listening to me.

- Do you remember that in the interviews Adèle says that she imagined the last scene as if she were skiing?

- Adèle is like that.

- Why does she do this? If it was our love story, it would hurt me she speaking of the emotion of the memory as if it were the same as skiing.

- Adèle does not want to succumb to sentimentality, she is afraid to show her emotions when they are very strong.

- And you are sure that for her that scene meant the same as for you?

- I'm sure it meant much more than going down a big slalon.

We are silent. She finally accepts the glass of wine that I have served her. I wonder what she's thinking so focused while taking the first sip.

It has become night. TV plays in the background. The program is about to start.

- I'm scared, Céline.

- Of what.

- She will leave me.

- But if you are starting!

- I don't know what we are starting. It is as if time had stopped.

- Because you have the patriarchal model on your head.

- What patriarchal model?

- Get married, have children. So it seems to you that until you have that you will have nothing.

- And is it strange to want to have a future together, to commit?

- Is having children a future and committing yourself? There are more things, I assure you. We have a future and we don't need any children.

- Have you never wanted to have a child with her?

- Yes, I came to think about it, but I never felt that we had nothing if I didn't have all those things. On the contrary, I felt that we had something very real, very strong before asking her to live together. And here is the proof.

She looked around.

- The proof is that now you live alone?

- The proof is that I still love her.

I think I said the last word. I take a sip of wine. Edwy Plenel's face appears on TV, the program has started.