Chapter Text
The days started to feel repetitive but there was no distaste for them. Izuku would have never imagined himself as a successor to the great All Might. A hero-in-training! an equal- no less a student at the top hero school in Japan.
So why?
Why was there this itch in the back of his brain? Pulling, twisting, his nerves and heart. It was a quiet thrum that resounded through his core, like waves of grating feedback echoing in his bones-
No.
It doesn't matter.
Izuku was a lot of things, but now he’s far from defenseless. He can deal with this, he's fought harder, he’s withstood worse. This isn't going to stop him, he won’t let it.
But-
Ignore it, ignore the itch. The jitter in your bones from the anxieties that plague your mind.
Please, just-
Eat! Eat! Eat! You need to be stronger.
I don't-
You're not good enough. Fight harder! Push harder! You can't fall behind.
Why am I-
Choke down your anxieties, choke down those feelings. Repress them, smile! Don’t fall. The itch in your bones, the ache in your heart. The vortex of his thoughts swirl and swirl and they pull his mind down to the deepest depths, breaking and pulling, pulling, pulling-
“-deku? Are you okay?” Izuku blinks once. Twice. And returns to reality. He smiles big at Uraraka and she returns it graciously.
“Im fine! Sorry! Thinking about some applications of my quirk.” He nervously replied. Was that believable? Did she believe it? You're suspicious, You're annoying, Just shut up shut up shut- “Of course you are.” Uraraka chuckles playfully. Izuku packs his things as she leads the way to lunch.
See? Annoying.
Why wont it go away? When had it started? These- these thoughts! He just wants to focus- he just wants to train and work and sleep and act normal! Why can't he just be-
“Midoriya!” Iida bellows
“-Wah!” A blush rises to his cheeks as his friends stare concerningly at him.
Todoroki unamusingly slurps his soba as he states “That's a pretty mean stare you're giving your katsudon.”
Iida starts his hand choppy motions before even speaking. “If you are not feeling well I do advise you to go to the nurse! As heroes we must be at our peak performance and you seem to always be distracted lately!” Iida practically shouts, but when has he ever not.
Uraraka wears a worried expression. She bites her lip and nervously picks at her meal. “You’ve been acting this way for awhile now…” she looks off somewhere, as if recalling the memory “you just stare off into nothing looking… upset.” And returns her gaze to Izuku's face, clenching her chopsticks. “Are you sure you're ok?”
The dark feelings come back at his friends evident concern for his well being. Izumi refuses to even entertain the thought of letting his feelings be known, surely, he can take care of this himself.
“Sorry,” Izuku shyly mutters as he nervously scratches the back of neck “I’ve been pushing myself lately, I’ll settle down soon-! It’s just been hard since… the camp.” He raises his arms and waves them to shrug it off, making his voice small at the mention of the disaster that was training camp, but he can tell from his friends faces that they aren’t convinced.
Todoroki and Iida only nod while Uraraka mutters a “If you're sure…” soon enough, things go back to normal.
Until that night.
The common room was bustling with laughter. Even Bakugou had become a presence- even though he just sat and scowled most of the time. Izuku took the responsibility of washing the dishes as Kirishima cleared the table.
Izuku loved these moments where everyone was together, bantering and talking with one another. Growing up without friends and as an outcast most of his life, he cherished the noises of his friends and classmates- a background noise that soothed his mind as he washed the last of the cooking utensils in careful strokes
Slowly, the noises seemed to jumble and mix into something senseless- intangible sounds and pitches that turn to white noise in Izuku's ears. He doesn’t notice when those happy thoughts turn to mush and transform completely.
You're useless. Completely useless. If you were even 1% less stronger than you were when fighting muscular, Kota would've died. You were practically already dying. You need to be stronger. You need to work harder, to deserve this quirk, to deserve this school, to deserve your friends, and mom, and All Might.
His thoughts crashed like pots and pans. Cymbals that clashed like roaring waves- violently destroying any ships in their path.
Stop. Just stop. Just scrub, and clean. Wipe the dishes. Wipe your mind. Scrub scrub scrub scrub-
“Oh shit! Midoriya!”
Everyone's eyes turned to him in an instant. He didn’t need to turn around to know they were looking.
He didn’t even notice his vision unfocused completely, finally noticing the tinged pink water. The blood running from his hand.
The knife clattered into the sink loudly.
And Izuku realized finally, his mind was blank.
“Midoriya your bleeding! You cut your hand! Fuck- it looks deep” Kirishima was already getting a towel.
Kirishima barely reached for him before Izuku blurted an “I’m sorry.”
Kirishima just chuckled before offering his help “Its alright man, just let me see your-“ kirishima reached for his hand and Izuku flinched away.
“I-“ the relief was gone, he was drowning again. His mind was swirling. His heart started racing, his vision unfocused and his lungs constricted. His breath started to quicken.
“W-what's wrong? Midoriya? Bro?”
And in the deafening silence of the common room, midoriya uttered a loud “-I’m useless.”
Izuku's breath came out in short painful gasps, his eyes wild as loud sobs racked his body as he shook.
The cacophony of his thoughts raised in volume and he was filled with the desperate urge to hold, to grip. His mind was slipping and he was going to fall. Fall into the roaring waves, the debris within its body darkening its appearance like blood.
“Woah! Midoriya you oka-“
A black tendril slipped from Izukus body and Kirishima ducked away from it to the floor.
When you are slipping, you need to hold.
More shot out of him, wrapped around his limbs and started to grip. Black tendrils that would whip around fluidly or shoot straight out to the walls and strike itself into them. Izuku sobbed loudly all the while as fear gripped him.
“Someone! Get a teacher!” Momo shouted.
Iida quickly ran off
“Deku! Stop! Calm down!” He barely hears it
He can't hear anything with his heartbeat thrumming in his ears, when there's phantom hands squeezing his heart and body. The tendrils wrap themselves tightly to the point of cutting of circulation, and it’s next target seemed to aim straight to it’s hosts throat- and squeezed.
His fight or flight kicks in and he's grabbing at them but they don’t budge.
Ground yourself. Hold on. Don't let go. Hold, hold, hold. Grab onto it.
“Hck-“ Izuku sobs loudly, his shouts get cut off as the tendrils squeeze his throat and limbs in pulses.
“Is this someone's quirk!?” Somebody shouts. Another answers “I- I think it’s his!”
More tendrils come out and knock violently around him, smashing plates and cutlery into the wooden floors, punching holes into the walls and cupboards.
The pounding of feet at the doors signals Izuku's attention. All Might, Aizawa, and Iida barrel through the door.
“Sen- sensei!” Izuku screams.
Aizawas eyes widen at the scene and the fear in Izuku's eyes makes him act quickly. He's running towards Izuku as he activates his quirk and suddenly Izuku's quirk retreats into his body. Muscle memory helps Izuku land safely- albeit wobbly.
Izuku sways on his feet before being caught by Aizawa.
Izuku sobs and heaves. His breathing shows no signs of slowing down as he cries in Aizawa's arms.
Aizawa never imagined he’d be cradling his student like this, especially not his problem child. Midoriya claws him as he returns his hold, as if he's gonna lose grip. As if he's going to fall. He constantly readjusts his hold on him as he sobs. Frantically gripping onto Aizawa with tearful, horrified eyes.
All Might asks the rest of the students what happened and they all retell the same things “He was just doing his own thing, and he cut himself by accident. Kirishima tried to help and he started panicking.”
“Midoriya whats wrong?”
Izuku grips tightly onto Aizawa's shirt. Mutters an “I'm sorry” between hiccups.
All Might is terrified at Izuku's blank stare as he shakes in Aizawa's hold. Just muttering apologies with empty dull eyes. His hands shake as he grips onto Aizawa like a lifeline.
Aizawa rubs his back then grabs Izuku's shoulders, puts him at arms length and is equally frightened at Izukus shell-shocked gaze. His vibrant eyes pool like milk and NyQuil as he continues to shiver.
Aizawa opens his mouth to repeat the question but Izuku beats him to it.
“I'm falling, sensei.”
Izuku says it slowly, keeps holding onto Aizawa's sleeves with a tight shaky grip.
“What?”
Izuku's breathing slows to a constant. His eyes are still dull.
“Im useless.”
Aizawa avoids holding an angered expression in fear of stressing Izuku further.
“Your not-“
“Im worthless.”
Aizawa is silent as Izuku's tears stream down his face. Izuku's hand is bleeding, bleeding into Aizawa's shirt. But Izuku doesn’t stop holding onto him.
Izukus looks down blankly
“I can't do anything right, sensei. I don't deserve to be here with you, with everyone. I don’t deserve a break, I don’t deserve to live.”
Izuku nuzzles himself into Aizawa and Aizawa can only sit in shock at Izukus words and actions. He takes fistfuls of Aizawa's long sleeve as he buries himself into his shoulder.
“Please, please don't let go of me, sensei. I worked so hard, I have to work hard. Please don't let me fall.”
Izuku's eyes droop and close. His heartbeat finally returns to normal as he sleeps.
Tense silence follows as Izuku passes out. Aizawa quickly bundles Izuku in his arms.
“I'm taking him to recovery girl, attend to the students. The damages will be fixed in the morning.” And without another word rushes out.
Everyone watches him go without another word. As the footsteps fade out All Might turns to his students and desperately aches for answers.
They all looked pale and aghast at what they witnessed.
“Shouldn’t we um- shouldn’t we all get to bed now?” Mineta questions.
“I'm afraid not, young mineta. Considering Young Midoriya was injured and in deep emotional distress, it's imperative we get answers as soon as possible. As you are all witnesses and his classmates, I feel it would be best to ask you this now. Moreover, I don’t feel as if sending you all to bed like this will give you peace of mind about this situation.” All Might says sternly. He tries his best to hide the worry and anger at himself in his voce.
Everyone ushers themselves to the couches as All Might takes a seat as well. Theres awkward shuffling before All Mights voice bellows across the room.