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Regret is an ugly thing.
He who had once been Ori was no stranger to many kinds of negative emotions and feelings. He had experienced the grief of losing a loved one, the agony of death by starvation, sorrow for his murdered tribe, and countless other moments of negativity. His life had been filled with pain and sorrow. He had once held upon happy moments, finding comfort in concepts of family and memory, holding them dear to his Light and using them to light up his way with hope.
It had been a fleeting dream. The land of Niwen needed a savior, a sacrifice. He had been that sacrifice.
Now he no longer had a name.
He had known he was giving up much when he embraced the Light. He had never pictured he'd be losing this much.
He tried to tell himself that it was for the greater good, that Niwen had warmth and Light now. The excuses were growing thinner with each passing year. The sheer enormity of what he had done and the true consequences of his act were registering and in spite of his feeble attempts at reassuring himself, he found his willpower wavering.
The moment he had taken in Seir's Light, on that dark night, the Light had immediately torn into his body like a ravenous beast. It wanted him as a tree, needed him as one. It cared not for his emotions or his tears, systematically unmaking everything that had once been white fur. His very Light, his clear blue Light, was devoured, used to feed the golden radiance of the ancient one.
He had believed he would become like Sein, become the Light of a land, grow into a Spirit Tree in a way akin to the one who birthed him. He had not suspected that when Seir had merged to her old body and then spoke in those dozens of voices asking him to bear the Light, the request, or rather demand, had been more literal than expected. It was not his Light that shone from the very tree that was supposed to be him. It was Seir's, gold and radiant. His own Light was long repressed, trapped, chained. There was no place in Niwen for a Light other than Seir's. Only her divine Light was powerful enough.
She had made clear that he would not be remembered. That at best, maybe he'd get a title akin to Seir's previous host. He was a spirit and this was his destiny. A vessel for the Light. His desires did not matter.
He wasn't sure if he remembered everything correctly anymore. Seir's radiance was burning and he was actually afraid that in the physical world, his body might appear charred from the burning sensation. His mind constantly swam as he felt the memories and thoughts of the dozens of previous spirits, now little more than hollowed husks trailing behind the pure divinity of Seir, like so many used up shells hanging by the thread of golden Light that once connected them to the Mother of Light. He was one such spirit now, walking behind her, hands bound, his neck shackled by her glorious divinity, a golden chain linking his heart-Light to her pure being.
A chain he constantly felt. It drained him. And drained. And drained. And drained. And drained...
It sucked his being, without mercy, without respite. It was like a wound that never ceased bleeding. And every time he dared to look, he saw the dozens of others, limp skeletal figures without eyes, jaws hanging open as the Light dragged their husks on the ground of the dreamscape. He didn't want to see them. He didn't want to think of them.
To think he once was afraid of being a tree. He learnt there were fates far worse.
But it was worth it, right? Ku lived. Ku... lived.
He tried to think of his family. He immediately regretted it. Why had they died so soon after reaching Niwen? Had Naru and Gumo been so old? He knew that Naru was old and Gumo had outlived the gumon of Forlorn but had it really been that long? They are gone. They are gone and he could not even tell them good-bye. Naru died by his roots. And he couldn't speak. He couldn't tell her he was there.
He remember when she had used her claws and slid them on his bark. It had hurt. Not much but it had. That memory haunted him because of what she drawn. An image of the spirit he had once been, with Gumo and herself, holding hands. A desperate attempt at reaching out to him, at making the golden Light within his heart-Light cradle respond in some way, any way. But it wasn't his heart-Light in that cradle, it was Seir's. And Seir was far too busy managing Niwen and keeping the land pure. And so, they had sat down, spoken to him, and pretended they could hear him, imagining what he might be saying in response. While this entire time, he had been screaming and begging and sobbing at Seir to let him talk to them.
"Spirits do not need such things, vessel. You have a duty to uphold."
His resolve had been tested. He had thought it would be easier than this. Memories that he thought would help him endure his state had turned into spikes embedded into his heart. He did not complain, much. He tried not to. It did not help. Niwen needs a Spirit Tree anyway and he's that tree. He has to be mature. He has to endure. He has to... he has...
He has to be strong. Always, he has to be strong.
Ku left. Snarled that she was sick and tired of everyone pretending he is still there when he isn't. That the thing was not her brother. And he never saw her again.
Seir had been indifferent. Seir is always indifferent. Seir does not care. The land need Light and she is that Light. He is the Spirit Tree. He protect the land.
He wanted to reach out to Wellspring Glades. To feel the village he had helped repair. Was it still standing? He had promised Kwolok he'd look over them. He had wanted to. He had hoped to. He couldn't even know if Mokk, Tokk, or Grom still lived. He couldn't reach out. He couldn't do anything. All he felt was the Light pouring out of him and flowing into Seir as she burnt and burnt and burnt and it never stopped.
"I didn't think being a Spirit Tree would be like this..." He didn't mean to speak aloud, even less cry like this. He had to be strong. He had done good. He was good. He had saved Niwen and now everyone is happy. He can't be selfish. He...
Seir didn't answer with words but he felt his neck being strangled a bit. He didn't have one anymore, he knew it was just an image inside a dreamscape, a vision of who he once was within the divine being that was the Spirit Tree. But he still felt it. Her irritation, her anger, her desire for him to be silent. He didn't apologize, it would merely break her focus as she shone her Light and aggravate her further. Rather, he simply remained silent and focused on what she wanted of him.
Growing, bearing her Light, sustaining her existence. Always growing, always bearing her Light, always sustaining her existence.
He was he who was once Ori, he is now the vessel. The Spirit Tree.
It is a great honor. He should be proud. It is his duty. He should be content. It is his destiny. He should be fulfilled.
He has no right wanting to sob. He has no right regretting everything. If he hadn't done it, Niwen would be dead. He isn't selfish. He is heroic. He understand the necessity of it.
He wanted to stop crying. He had no reason to really cry. But he couldn't stop.
It was wrong. He shouldn't regret it. He shouldn't want something, anything else. He shouldn't wish he were dead instead of ascended.
... but he still thought it. And it shamed him.
"You have grown well and quickly." Seir spoke. He actually perked up, daring to lay eyes upon the sphere of golden Light even as it seared his eyes. She was so bright, so blindingly bright. "You have been diligent. You are physically ready, now."
He is aware that his tree form has grown. But he's still small, nowhere near what Sein or Seir's previous body was. After all, it's been how many years since he sprouted? Not that many, he thinks. Ku hit a growth spur and left not too long ago. It can't have been ten years. What does she mean? Then, he blinked as the Light pulsated and lowered itself. And he saw...
Huh? Another spirit? Golden in color, with pointy antennas, and a fluffy, rounded chest. She have ears that reminded him of the Willow's leaves, her feet odd. It seemed she had hooves yet she could see them sandwiched between large toes with claws. Also, a bushy tail that made him think of a rabbit's... except it was too long. She looked definitely strange. Also, definitely female judging by the chest and curves. She was different from Nibel's spirits.
... he never said good-bye to Sein or his tribe either. Is Sein aware of what happened to him? She must miss him terribly. He... he miss her. He-
No no! Stay strong Ori! Stay... he... he's not Ori anymore. He's the Spirit Tree. He's the vessel. He feels the echoes. He...
What is he supposed to do? Why did Seir walk up to him? Wait, she walked up to-
"What are you doing?!" Why did she knock him down and pin him down?
"You will give me heirs. Niwen's tribe will be reborn."
He didn't mean to start hyperventilating. He tried to wrap his head around it. Was it how it worked? Why-
"You are the vessel. I need to access your body to breed."
He rationally knew of love. Of how mokis had families. He had realized that when Sein spoke of his dead kin, he referred to some as males and as females. He knew that he was a male and that by Seir's own shape, she was a female. He had always wondered what it meant. He knew plants produced flowers during the summer, pretty beautiful ones. Did she mean... he was now capable of producing flowers? He didn't understand.
What he understood was that Seir's Light suddenly surged through him. He didn't mean to flinch. He didn't mean to yelp in shock. Was he ready? Did he want this?
It didn't matter. It was happening. She needed his body, needed to make use of it. He is the vessel, he who was once Ori. He did whatever she wanted. He was whatever she wanted. It was his fate, what he was meant to be and do. So she just used him. His Light protested. He felt her cold, impersonal Light, like ice, pushing itself and forcing itself into his memories, into his being. He felt his sap in the physical world burning with her Light. It felt like he was exploding again. But worse yet was the feeling of invasion. He had given up on his family, on his life, on his very name for her.
And now... she was taking the only thing he had left. His body. The tree. The last meager scrap she had left him. The last remnant of what Ori had died for.
And she tore it from him. She forced herself on him, poured her being into his sap, possessed his bark, claimed the image of Ori within the dreamscape, forced their bodies to become one.
He didn't mean to start sobbing again and especially not this loudly. He... he must be strong. Niwen's tribe will have new life. He... he just wish it didn't feel like the worst thing he had ever felt, even worse than when he had starved to death. Death had inflicted great pain upon him. But it hadn't violated his very Light.
Her touch was cold and uncaring. It always was. It had to happen. Crying didn't change anything. He was being immature. In spite of how much he hated it and wanted nothing but for it to stop. In spite of feeling her touch him in ways that made him discover all new worlds of misery and regret.
He was the Spirit Tree of Niwen. That was his lone consolation. The only thing he had been allowed to keep to himself. And she wasn't even taking pleasure in it. Why that made it even worse, he didn't know.
Shouldn't spirits be born from love?
He couldn't continue the thought. It was painful. Her Light wasn't poison and yet, both his body and Light screamed in pain as every part of him was invaded, Seir forcing her radiance into him. He felt himself forced to suck life away from his very bark and sap, redirecting it as she weaved life from her own Light.
He realized she wasn't even making use of his Light at all. She was just pushing it aside, using his body to create small flowers in which she sunk her Light. Nothing of him was in those flowers. He was merely a vessel, like always. Always a vessel, a tool, a vehicle.
"Pl-please stop..." He didn't mean to say that. He knew it was necessary. But it was so violating he couldn't help it. He just wanted the sensation to end. And he knew he had reacted like a childish, immature, irresponsible spirit. She pinned him down harder, one hand slamming over his muzzle and silencing the image of the spirit he had been. She was right. He had no right to deny her. No right to be selfish and stupid. He had a duty and he must do it. It is destiny.
He just wished it would be done already. It felt like an eternity. The warmth didn't even feel good. It just burnt. He actually became worried he'd explode or catch on fire in the physical world. Or be somehow damaged. And there was that awful hollow sensation as she drained his body's life to fuel that of her flowers'.
It took way too long. It felt like hours. When she finally pulled herself off of him, her body rising within the dreamscape and her heart-Light flowing back into its cradle within the physical world, he admit that everything that had once been Ori tried to scamper as far away as it could from her. Her very touch had been repulsive, deeply disgusting, and a mix of deathly cold and searingly hot. He had wished so many times to channel her Light directly, to finally feel himself shining for real.
Once more, he regretted the thought. He found himself regretting so many things.
He couldn't even truly get away from her. She was literally shining from his very heart-Light cradle, his leaves constantly bathed in her radiance. He couldn't stop feeling her. So instead, he pictured he who had once been Ori, as far away from her as he could. He tried to think of a cave, where the golden Light could not reach, and he curled up and he was clean and pure, with no golden strands violating him. He might even cry in peace, venting all of the shame and his weakness and lack of virtue and immaturity. He is such an awful, worthless Spirit Tree. Sein did not cry like this, she was happy being a Spirit Tree. She was better than him. Better than a childish fool who cry for a family he can't have when the world needs him to be strong and to bear the Light.
But even that fantasy was selfish. And he felt her golden Light choke his neck and drag him along the ground of the dreamscape, forcing him right back into the rays of Seir's Light. He felt them brush against what he had once been, invading him and making him wish he were anywhere else, doing anything else than this. But he need to grow. And now, he... he... must feed those flowers. They are part of him. He can feel them. He must feed them, give them life. He must sacrifice part of what he is for them.
Seir demand so much sacrifice.
Life must be renewed. It is the will of the wisps. It is the will of Seir. He must do it.
He had sunk time into growing leaves that looked like his ear-like frills. It had been a stupid little detail but he had loved them. They reminded him of who he had once been. He wasn't even sure Naru or Ku had noticed. But he had done it and he had cared about it. Now, he had to give up those leaves. He had never pictured he'd be so sad over having to give up a branch. But the flowers needed to live and it had taken him energy to grow leaves like these and shape them. It had been a small remnant of who Ori had been. He didn't want to sacrifice them. But what else could he use? His roots can only draw out so much life out of the earth and he need all of his branches to breathe. There is only so much he can sacrifice without stopping growing as Seir want of him, as the land of Niwen want of him.
He didn't want to lose them. His body wasn't even his own anymore. Seir had demonstrated it to him in no uncertain terms. Even within his own tree, he was nothing but a vessel. Those leaves were the last fragment of Ori. The last scrap of a last scrap of a last scrap. And now he needed to give it up too.
He had already given up his life! He had given up his family! He had given up his happiness! He has given up everything and Seir want him to give up even more! Always more more more MORE!
He is being immature. He is being irresponsible. He is physically ready and Niwen must have a new tribe. Seir want heirs, need heirs. He must give up those leaves, those reminders that Ori once existed, that the tree was something else than just a vehicle for Seir.
And so... he gave them up. He allowed them to wilt and fall from his branches. Replaced them with more cost-effective generic leaves, like the others on his other branches. Fed their lives to the flowers. To Seir's children. He guessed they were his own. He can't wrap his head around them being his. He... he guess he should love them. No, he must love them. They will be his children. Once those flowers become spirits, he will love them. He will do everything for them. They will be happy. They will have a pleasant, happy life. They will have a family, friends, maybe a village of their own. Tokk will take them on a great adventure. Maybe they can meet Ku in other lands? He'd like that.
He did this for Niwen. Everyone will be happy. Everything will be alright. Everything will be good. They will not sob, feel completely alone, or wish they were dead.
And so the routine resumed again. It wasn't that bad, really. Just... let Seir drag him along the dreamscape. Try to ignore his Light and life draining away. Just... just look at the clouds. Look at the skies. Don't think of the past. Don't think of the future. Just... grow. Feel the earth and the skies. Try not to shiver in the cold of the night and endure the rain and the wind.
He had never pictured he'd miss those nights huddled against Naru's body, shivering in fear of thunder while it rained outside. After experiencing so many days and nights with the rain hammering on his body and the wind twisting and sometimes breaking his branches, he found himself discovering new things to regret.
He regretted so many things.
Sometimes, lightning would strike one of the other trees. He could feel Seir ensure none of them caught him. But he still felt the heat as the trees were struck and lit on fire. They couldn't move. Like he couldn't move. They could do nothing as flames consumed them.
He didn't want to catch on fire. The times when, as Ori, he was burnt had been incredibly painful. He still had nightmares of the flames of Mt.Horu and when his fur had caught on fire. As he is, he won't even be able to do anything to put out the fire. He will just burn. And a tree burn so very easily, so well, and for so long.
Some days however, like when Naru had died on his roots, he had found himself actually praying the lightning actually did catch his branches and set him on fire. It was stupid, it was selfish, it would be an atrocious and agonizing way to die. But he had prayed for it nonetheless. Why had he been so selfish, that day? Especially when he knew how awful dying truly was? He's keeping Niwen safe. He is making everyone happy. Seir is happy. Why can't he be happy? Why do he have to feel pain for things he know he was never meant to have and have let go of? It's not like he didn't choose this! He wanted to save Niwen! He knew Seir wasn't joking when she told him to leave his old life behind! Why is this so painful?! Why is he so weak?!
He did it for Niwen. He... he must love Niwen. He must care for Niwen. He can't think of Nibel. He can't wonder what happened to Sein. What happened to his younger brothers and sisters. Did they succeed in rebuilding that village in Black Root Burrows? Are they okay without him? Is Sein happy without him? Did she notice he vanish? Does... she even care? Do anybody even care that he's gone? Did anyone ever noticed Ori vanished?
Did... anybody love him?
They were so happy when he sprouted. They cheered up. They talked to him. They hanged out near his tree. Did they know he was alive as a tree? Other trees don't have minds, they're just trees. Or did they not know and actually, they were happy to be rid of him?
He didn't want to think those things. Naru loved him. Gumo loved him. Ku loved him. Sein loved him. They must have loved him. He remember the hugs and the nights and the happiness together. They must have loved him. They knew he was still there as a Spirit Tree. They spoke to him because they expected him to hear and maybe, just maybe, care about them. They must have known he was different from an Ancestral Tree. They got to have known. He don't know how they could have known but they must have. There's just no way. There's...
He is weak. He must stop plunging into his memories. He wish to think about something else but WHAT?! He can't MOVE! He can't SPEAK! He can't even shine his Light anymore! He bear Seir's Light! She's the one who shine! He does NOTHING but grow, bear the Light, and think!
He... he thinks he is going mad.
No, he's not going mad. But he's suddenly wishing he were going mad. That he would completely lose track of the world and retreat fully in his memories. For the dreams to completely claim him and for him to go completely insane, living as Ori within an imagined collage of Nibel's and Niwen's locations, born from his fragmented memories. It wouldn't be real, it wouldn't actually be happening. But it would be better than just being around by Seir all day long every day of every night of every week of every year.
What is even Seir doing? She don't care and it doesn't concern him. She is busy. All the time. Forever will be. Gotta keep Niwen pure, gotta keep Niwen safe. Gotta be the Light that protect everyone. Even though his family is dead and he has no idea if any of the people he met survived or are safe. They don't matter anyway. Just more mokis and whatever. There's always more coming whence they came. So long as Niwen is safe.
He suddenly pondered why he bothered saving this place. An ugly swamp filled with huts and surrounded by wastelands filled with petrified corpses. Oh and a desert somewhere else. He guessed Luma Pools were alright.
...
Niwen isn't even a nice place. He kinda hated the place, to be honest. And he's missing it. He live in it and yet, he miss those places. He can't even go to the Luma Pools or to that dumb desert. He can't go to Kwolok's Hollow or the Silent Woods. All he can do is stay on his hill, produce oxygen, and continue to bear Seir's Light. Do those places even exist anymore? How could he know?! He doesn't know!! All he does is being stuck in here and being forced to think those thoughts over and over and over and over and he can't do ANYTHING!
... oh right. He's... feeding those flowers he guessed. Is it even doing anything? Are they even alive? Will they wilt in a few days? WHO KNOWS?! Certainly not him, that's for certain!
Would Seir know? Bah. She's busy. Always so freaking busy. Busy busy busy work work work. Do Seir have any personality or dreams outside of fighting Decay and that dumb destiny thing? Who knows? He sure doesn't!
...
He's being selfish. Again. Getting angry again will do no good. He had never been really angry as Ori, really. He miss that kindness he used to have. That sweet, innocent attitude he used to have. To look back and realize he once was so happy, so enthusiastic. Okay, he was always afraid and he was kind of crying a lot about not wanting to be a tree but hey, side-effect of Decay and its children trying to kill him and not wanting to die again. But even with monsters like Shriek trying to kill him, he always felt... like he couldn't understand their rage. Like he just wanted to be their friends.
He guess he still want to be everyone's friends. Of course, that's difficult being a tree. He's just sad and pitying himself because he's a tree. Do Seir protest about being a ball of Light attached to an idiot like him, in spite of being as annoying and uncooperative as he is? No, she bear with him and is patient with him. He doesn't deserve being with her. He is a failure and a worthless vessel, too immature to live with his own stupid decisions. Why did he even accept if he wasn't capable of accepting the consequences?
He just... didn't know what to do or think. Seir was the only being he could reach to and she was... Seir. She had a land to take care of. She couldn't just spend all her days babying him because he's too childish to be able to live without someone talking to him or experiencing things in the world. Why can't he just grow, feel the warm sunshine, the gentle breeze, and be satisfied with just that?
He remember running, jumping, climbing. He miss those things. So badly. He dream of them. He doesn't care that he risked his life during these. That thrill of just feeling the world shift, of moving through incredible places, of overcoming great obstacles, of finding yourself on top of the world... it was amazing. Whenever he survived and the fear died down, he'd just bask in the pure joy and pride as he overcame all those things. He'd stretch out, sometimes even yell his triumph like a victorious predator over their prey, announcing that he, Ori, had conquered this land. That in spite of the razor vines, the stupid platforms, the spinning thingies, the big laser blasts, and everything Decay had thrown at him, he stood victorious and strong in the end. To just stamp his hooves all over the top of mountains and puff his chest knowing he had scaled them, feeling the thinner air and the purest winds blow into his antennas and frills.
He missed... so many things.
He had no idea just how much he had taken life for granted. Just how many small things he would lose and sacrifice. He hadn't... been ready for this. How could anybody be?
No no. Seir was clear. And he remember Sein being strong. He... he just got to grow up. Not just as a tree but as a spirit. He can't cry over Ori being gone.
... he silenced that voice that told him he hadn't started crying over Ori being gone until several months into being a tree. That he had once been proud of what he had done until time had done its work and the sacrifices had begun to pile up.
Oh right. The flowers. Is he doing this right? How long will this take? He had never realized how agonizingly slow time passed when you were stuck as a tree. In fact, some days, he became convinced that time actually passed something like ten times slower as a tree. Maybe it's his amazing Spirit Tree senses? He don't feel like they're amazing but hey, what do he know? He's just the vessel. Seir likely got a big, nice view of the whole of Niwen given it's her Light shining everywhere.
He can't be like this. He don't want to be like this. He don't want to be bitter. He don't want to start feeling resentment and rage. It's not merely a matter of being immature. Ori... Ori wasn't like that. Ori wasn't so sad, so utterly depressed that he begun to hate his family, hated them because he is so alone and crushed by regret that he wish he had never had a family just so the pain would stop. So utterly destroyed by his helplessness and despair that he begun to hate the very beings he had sacrificed himself for. He needed something to cling on. Anything.
He was sobbing again. He was alone again.
When he had been at his absolute worst, when he had let out his last breath and death had taken everything from him, Sein had reached out. He had felt her Light and she had embraced him. Her last son, her precious son. He was fated to die but she took his place that night. Even with her heart-Light torn off, even trapped in her own body, she had reached out one last time in a final act of love.
Those flowers... it doesn't matter that they were born of Seir violating his being. They are... his children. He will love them. He will care for them. He will embrace them. Even if everything that was once Ori is erased by Seir, he will do anything and everything for them. The kindness that Ori once had will not be forgotten. He refuse to let it be broken. To become nothing but an empty shell, reduced to hollow rage like Decay's children. Ori once loved the world and all in it. Those children... he want them to know of Ori's love. He will take care of them.
And so, he didn't wait for Seir to comment whether he was doing it well or not. He just... poured everything he had. They will grow strong. They will be happy. They will know the happiness Ori knew. Even if Seir take everything from him, he can still do this.
And so... he found himself something to sink himself into. Something... he can finally do.
...
Months passed. For the first time since he sprouted and brought Ku back, the tortured thoughts left him. Hope filled him. A land free of Decay. His children will grow. They will know happiness. Niwen's tribe... no, his children, will know life.
No longer flowers. Buds... and now, it is time for them to become fruit. To start glowing with the Light of life. For them to... to... to-
They are glowing gold. All of them. A singular, characteristic golden Light. He reached out to them with more than just life. He brushed against them with his Light. He... he felt... all of them...
"They will soon be ready." Seir's voice echoed in his own mind.
... he can't feel... his Light in any of them. Nothing of him exist in them. None bear even a single white or blue hue from Nibel's Light, the Light he was born of, the one that was once Ori's. None of them are children of Ori. None of them bear his warmth. All of them... every last one of them... he can feel their Light, alien and other. He tried to reach out to them but though connected by branches, none of his Light reached them.
They are... Seir's children.
He will never be allowed to touch them with his Light. They will never feel him or hear his voice. Like everything else in Niwen, it shall be Seir's Light that shall nurture them and guide them.
...
Nothing matters anymore.
...
"You are oddly silent, vessel."
...
He had wished he could die before. But he had merely wished he could die. He remembered how Sein's Spirit Tree body had burnt out all of its Light reviving him. It was a stupid idea but...
He isn't Sein. He is merely the remnant of what was once Ori. If he pour all of his Light into a single unborn child, if he gift it with the entirety of his Light, all that was left of Ori will be gone and he might finally be free.
It's worth trying.
"What are you doing, vessel?"
He gathered every single bit of Light he had. He scraped at every single fragment he had. He even shuddered and actually tapped into the golden chain that bound him to Seir. Everything, he had to get everything. He had to try. He took every memory he had, every thought he had, even the shameful ones. All that he had once been. He wanted it more than anything. It wasn't merely a wish. He can do this. He will do this.
He did absolutely everything he could, as a tree. One of the flowers is not yet grown. Everything he ever was and will be. He will drain himself dry. He will pour everything he was into it. He will suck the life out of every branch, every part of his trunk, of his very roots. It hurts. It hurts so much. And he liked it. He wanted this pain. He wanted the pain to be agonizing, to be like that dark night when he died on that ledge. He called to death with all of his Light, all of his being. He prayed it will work, that the void will answer him.
He unleashed it all. Every ounce of his once blue, pale Light. He poured it into the child, giving it life from his being. He gave to it without restraint, deliberately sacrificing himself.
"STOP! STOP THIS AT ONCE!"
He felt himself draining of Light. Emptiness, darkness clawing at his senses. A familiar agony, which he embraced with both arms. He wanted this darkness, he needed it. To embrace it and free him of the Light. He sobbed and begged the darkness to take his Light, to extinguish it, to finally grant him the release he so desperately needed.
Release. At long last, release! He... he can't feel her chain around his neck anymore... release... sweet release...
He is... fading... finally...
...
...
...
He thought... he could feel Sein's Light embrace him. Is it... a memory? His life flashing before his eyes? He hope so. He is so tired. So tired of being alone and regretting everything. He has given everything, absolutely everything. He has nothing left. Everything that Ori once was... is gone. Gone, never to return.
A single blue leaf. All that Ori had been. All... that he had represented. A new life. Hopefully, not to repeat the mistakes he made.
... you know, he suddenly realize that for one supposed to be dead, he's suddenly forming a lot of thoughts.
"Do not repeat such a feat. I had to use much of my power to bring you back."
...
Something broke.
He didn't care that he was a mere vessel. He didn't care that Ori would never do this. He didn't care how much stronger than his feeble Light Seir's was. He didn't care that in the physical world, he was a tree and incapable of movement.
He thrown himself at her. Wrapped his hands around her neck. He didn't care she was a sphere of Light. When she had violated him, she had taken the shape of a spirit and that was a concept he can strangle. He didn't care that her power was such that she was flailing entire parts off of him to shreds.
Thoughts from her flowed. Alarm. Worries about Niwen.
Niwen can go to hell.
He didn't care. He didn't even scream or anything. He wasn't thinking. He didn't care about anything anymore. She directed thoughts of how the Spirit Tree fighting its own Light was causing the weather to go berserk, creating a gigantic storm. He didn't care. He squeezed her neck as hard as he could even as she tore his Light to shreds, his precious memories burning all around them. If anything, losing those parts of himself finally freed him, cleared up his mind. It allowed him to focus his rage far more cleanly.
"Our child!" She choked out.
The blue leaf was torn off. And for a moment, he saw everything that had once been good in Ori flying away. His Ori was flying away, lost in the Great Storm. All he could think of was that Ori was vanishing.
With his focus away from her, she thrown him off and plunged her Light into his being. The spirit-like image screamed and dissolved into a stream of blue Light, retreating deep within the sap of the tree, trying to get away from the golden light.
But she shone from his heart-Light cradle. He felt her, always. And she dragged him back, as always.
He did not protest as he felt himself dragged by the chains around his neck and limbs. Ori is gone. She drag him along the ground, like the others.
---
Seir paused, assessing damage to Niwen. The battle had been brief but had caused a Great Storm. One of her children is lost.
Unacceptable. She will have to organize a Light Ceremony to call to it.
---
An elderly lady, on a walk during the Great Storm, found an oddly colored, large glowing leaf on the ground. As she approached it, it changed shape into a small spirit child, glowing in a pale, clean white light with blue tones. As she held the small child in her arms, it reminded her of the stories of the spirit that had saved the land.
"Mama?" It went.
"Everything will be alright, Ori..." she told the child, naming it.
---
Many miles away, from the peak of Niwen's mountains, Ku and her chicks watched from their nest. The Spirit Tree was glowing ominously...
---
The cycle is an endless circle. But where do you end up when you are walking on a circular path?
Exactly where you started.