Wang Yibo can't believe he's getting cock-blocked by a cat.
Xiao Zhan's current project is primarily filming in Beijing, so he took the opportunity to borrow his cat back from his parents for the duration. Jianguo is thrilled. She's a devoted little beast, for all that she and Xiao Zhan spend more time apart than together. She follows Xiao Zhan from room to room, and in return he coos at her and calls her his "best baby girl," and "daddy's favourite princess," and it's quite possibly the most sickeningly adorable thing Wang Yibo has ever witnessed in his life.
Yibo's glad for them both; he really is. Jianguo is a great cat: soft, affectionate, well behaved, happy to be picked up and carried around Xiao Zhan's apartment, tolerant of Yibo burying his face in her fur while he pets her. She's the perfect cat.
Well, she's the perfect cat during the day. Yibo has been in Beijing for two days, and despite their best efforts, he and Xiao Zhan have yet to have sex in Xiao Zhan's quite large, and extremely comfortable bed. Because, as soon as they go to bed, Xiao Zhan's small, sweet, gentle cat turns into a demon with fur.
While they were filming Chen Qing Ling, Xiao Zhan's mother started allowing Jianguo to sleep on his bed, and now she refuses to spend her nights anywhere else. Xiao Zhan insists that when he's in the bed alone Jianguo mostly sleeps on his feet, but now that Yibo is here, she refuses to sleep anywhere but directly between them. A furry little bastion of propriety. A chaste buffer blocking Yibo's every attempt to take advantage of the brief stolen week he's carved out of his schedule for them to spend together.
"I swear," Xiao Zhan says, shoving a purring cat out of his face, "she's not usually like this."
Undeterred, Jianguo starts purring louder and headbutting his hand. Xiao Zhan absentmindedly starts scratching under her chin. "Yes, that's right," he says, "you're usually such a good girl for me. What's gotten into you?"
Jianguo, who has now squeezed herself completely into the narrow gap between them, flops onto her side and gives Yibo a satisfied smirk.
Yibo makes one more attempt to start something with Xiao Zhan—Jinguao promptly sits up and tries to shove her face between them—and then sighs and accepts his defeat; he is once again not getting laid tonight.
Wang Yibo is twenty-two and this is the first chance he's had to spend more than forty-eight hours with his boyfriend in six months. Xiao Zhan is on set most days, and Yibo's manager has lined up a series of interviews and photoshoots during the days to provide cover for the length of his visit. Evenings are the only reliable time they have together. He had hopes for this visit. He had plans.
He made a list.
Xiao Zhan laughs, "didi, is there anything on your list that isn't pornographic?"
"Are you objecting, Zhan-ge?"
"I didn't say that."
It's a good list, but there's only so much they can do on the couch.
If they leave the bedroom door open, Jianguo always finds a way to position herself directly between their bodies. If they try to make her stay at the foot of the bed, she climbs across them both and flops down on Xiao Zhan's head, aggressively purring, and refuses to move until he gives in and makes space for her to cuddle in between them.
If they close the bedroom door, she sits outside it and meows pitifully—quiet, tragic mews that would break the hardest of hearts.
Yibo's heart has become quite hard over the last two nights. As have other parts of his anatomy. At this point, even the soft-hearted Xiao Zhan is inured to Jianguo's most pitiful cries.
But, if they ignore the meowing, she escalates. She slips one delicate paw under the door and pulls, rattling the door in its frame. And if that fails to do the trick, she pulls out her doomsday weapon. She yowls—a non-stop, top-volume chorus of tragedy, despair, and woe.
The first night of Yibo's visit, Xiao Zhan's elderly, half-deaf neighbor actually knocked on his door to check that neither he, nor his cat, nor his "handsome visitor," were injured.
For a small cat, she has a very big voice. It's an extremely effective mood killer.
Honestly, Yibo sympathizes. He wants to savour every moment with Xiao Zhan as well. Jianguo's devotion to her owner would be quite sweet if it weren't so thoroughly preventing Yibo from ravishing his hot boyfriend.
Yibo refuses to be deterred. This is war now, and Wang Yibo is definitely smarter than a cat.
His third day in Beijing, Yibo brings home the biggest catnip mouse he can find. Surely, if they play with Jianguo right before bed and get her really stoned, she'll stay on the couch at least long enough for Xiao Zhan to fuck him? Yibo really wants Xiao Zhan to fuck him.
The catnip is a mistake.
Xiao Zhan had to stay late on set for a night shoot, so Yibo eats his dry noodles alone and pulls out the catnip mouse. When Xiao Zhan arrives home half an hour later, Jianguo is racing around the apartment, tail puffed up and eyes the size of saucers. Apparently, for a small percentage of cats—including Jianguo—catnip induces a very bad trip.
Xiao Zhan repeatedly reassures him that he isn't upset—"really, Yibo, you couldn't have known"—but Yibo still feels awful. Jianguo seems to be settling down now that Xiao Zhan is home and she can plaster herself to his side, but she's clearly still distressed, and keeps trying to bite Yibo when he comes too close.
Yibo does not get fucked that night; he doesn't get very much sleep either.
Clearly, he needs a new tactic.
In the morning, he consults with Xiao Zhan. Jianguo, he is told, has no known food allergies and a particular passion for tuna.
Yibo can definitely work with this. He grins. "How do you feel about sushi for dinner?"
Jianguo is extremely willing to be bribed with tuna sashimi.
They make her wait until they've finished their own dinner—a random selection of rolls, Yibo wasn't paying much attention to that part of the order—and then Yibo cuts up three pieces of tuna sashimi for Jianguo, puts the plate on the kitchen floor, and bodily hauls Xiao Zhan into the bedroom.
On Yibo's fourth night in Beijing, Yibo gets really, quite thoroughly fucked by his boyfriend. In fact, he and Xiao Zhan successfully complete a number of the items on Yibo's list.
Yibo wakes up with his face buried in Xiao Zhan's shoulder, pleasantly sore and incandescently happy. Xiao Zhan is still asleep, and Jianguo is nowhere in sight. Yibo kisses Xiao Zhan on the forehead, and slips out of bed in search of coffee, food, and a suspiciously absent feline.
Jianguo is curled up in a cozy circle on the sofa, sound asleep. He gently strokes her head and she lets out a startled, "mrrph," gives him a dirty look, and rolls over to demand he rub her belly. Which he does. He's feeling very magnanimous this morning.
But the siren-call of caffeine is strong, so he gives Jianguo one last pet, walks into the kitchen, grabs two mugs off the counter, and lands flat on his ass on the cold tile floor.
Yib's still lying on the floor, trying to get his breath back and figure out what the fuck just happened, when Xiao Zhan rushes into the room, takes one look at him, and bursts out laughing.
Yibo glares. As the person lying naked on a suspiciously damp floor surrounded by broken crockery, Yibo is not finding much humour in this situation.
Okay. Fine. If their positions were reversed, he'd probably be laughing his ass off too. "Stop cackling, Zhan-ge, and help me up!"
"Of course, sorry, hold on—" Xiao Zhan says, and then leaves.
Xiao Zhan is gone just long enough for Yibo to start contemplating all the ways he's going to murder Xiao Zhan for leaving him here like this, but when he comes back he's carrying a hand broom, Yibo's bathrobe, a pair of slippers, and a large roll of paper towels, so Yibo decides maybe he'll let him live after all.
He takes the wad of towels Xiao Zhan hands him, and starts wiping off the bottom of his foot. "So, exactly how much of that sashimi did I just step in?"
"Um...it's hard to tell." Xiao Zhan kneels down next to Yibo and starts sweeping up ceramic shards. "I did say three pieces was probably too much all at once."
"Hey, it worked, didn't it!"
"It did," Xiao Zhan says, smiling. He puts down the broom and kisses Yibo lightly. "It worked really well. Now, come on," he pulls Yibo up. "I'll make the coffee. You go get cleaned up, and then we can see if we can come up with a less-disgusting solution for tonight."
When Yibo walks out of the kitchen, Jianguo is sitting in the hall delicately washing one paw. She stands up slowly, stretching out one back leg and then the other, and then looks Yibo straight in the eye, yawns once, and saunters into Xiao Zhan's bedroom.