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So I Hope You See (That I Would Love To Love You)

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Rosalie didn’t want to be there. She didn’t. She knew that after walking away from their talk so recently, she was setting herself up to have it again. She had tried to avoid this, refusing to set herself up this way but damn it, she was so tired of having questions. She had put it off as long as she could but after another week since baseball and another week of this feeling every time she stepped away from Bella, she had to ask someone.

She had once again debated a trip to Italy. Despite the fact that the Cullens tried to keep to themselves and out of the line of sight of the Volturi, Rosalie thought it might be worth it to have all of her questions answered. The thought of the shopping that she could do had almost convinced her.

The trouble was, you never knew how the Volturi would respond to things. For all she knew they would decide the Cullens had broken the most essential vampire rule by allowing Bella to know about them, and would take vengeance. Or would insist that Bella must die. Or perhaps insist that Rosalie must drain her blood and dance in it under the full moon. You never knew with those nut jobs.

And so, she found herself grudgingly there.

Her heels clicked loudly as she strode down the hall, her chin high, forcing an air of confidence as though she didn’t want to turn tail and run.

Keep walking, she urged herself, her mind gritting and snarling at her. She needed answers. She needed Carlisle to have them. He had better have them.

“Miss. Hale, how are you? So lovely to see you again.” An elderly man with tufts of white hair smiled at her as she turned the corner.

“Good afternoon, Doctor Denton. I’m very well, and you?”

“Good, good. Looking for your dad?”

“I am.”

“In his office.”

She nodded and thanked him politely, already fully aware of where he was and already headed down the correct hall.

This felt degrading. She knew her family did this, but she had only felt the need once before, ironically to discuss with their surrogate father the problem of Edward and his growing obsession with a human girl. She didn’t especially like that she felt the need now. She resented that she needed this kind of one on one attention now. She just couldn’t have this conversation in her house where everyone near would hear and feel they could chip their own thoughts in. So she had taken the excuse late the night before to go hunting, and then had dressed and started there. It was early, so early that Carlisle couldn’t have been there long. He still struggled with keeping normal hours, willing to work as much as needed. Since that would look very bad, he settled for being the one on call most nights and arriving early. She approached the door with indignation and paused. From inside the office, she could hear the scratch of a pen on paper. She grit her teeth and gave a firm knock.

“Come in.”

She opened the door with a deep breath and stepped in.

“Rose!” Carlisle gave her a warm smile that Rosalie wasn’t entirely sure she deserved. “Come in, take a seat.”

Avoiding eye contact, Rose closed the door and sat stiffly, crossing her legs.

“Are you all right?”

She nodded once, her head barely moving.

“And is Bella doing well?”

Again, she nodded.

“Okay,” he smiled thoughtfully, finishing up whatever he had been writing and then putting it aside. He sat back, looking comfortable despite the fact that Rosalie felt like she was going to implode at this humiliating situation. She didn’t show up at his work to ask for advice. She just didn’t.

He waited as she sat, her mouth closed, looking at him. She had to talk and quickly before he got called away to an emergency or to a meeting, still, her jaw felt too heavy to open and so she just stared.

His eyebrows rose ever so slightly and she shifted.

“Busy day?” Immediately she rolled her eyes at herself. She wished she hadn’t asked. She didn’t really care. She just...

“I’ve had busier, but I know you didn’t come to ask me that. I have a meeting in thirty minutes, I have to warn you.”

“Right.”

“Is it something with Bella?”

Her eyes narrowed. She wanted to get defensive. She wanted to snap at him that of course it wasn’t Bella and that he was an ass for asking her that. But of course, it was.

“Is it Edward’s return? Are you having doubts about her fe—”

“No!” Why did people keep asking her about Edward? She didn’t care about him. She didn’t!

“Then how can I help?”

She grit her teeth and just to stop the other stupid questions he might ask, she began. “There’s something... something I’ve noticed recently. Something new... again.”

“With Bella?”

“Yes.” She grit between clamped jaws. “Jesus wept. Yes. With Bella.” God, she would really rather be doing anything else. “I’ve noticed a new sensation... when I leave Bella.”

Carlisle’s face didn’t change, ever steady, ever professional and that lack of response it helped her continue. She thought that if he had shown some type of response at all that she might have left then and there.

“Can you tell me about it?”

She bit back the snarl of snark she wanted to let unleash and did. “It’s not all of the time, or at least it wasn’t until now.” Quickly and succinctly, she explained the new pulling sensation.

“And it’s only when you leave her?”

“Correct. I do not feel it when I’m with her or even if we’ve been apart for a few hours.”

He nodded, his eyes unfocused as he stared at a wall. “Interesting.”

She always aspired to be like him. His human mannerisms were impeccable. He was the only person who worked as hard on them as she had. “The connection between you strengthens the more time you spend together, correct?”

She thought about it for a long moment. She had noticed that things were quickly feeling more and more solid between them, even if Edward had returned. She added the last part passively, refusing to give the thought weight. “Yes. I think so.” Bella did seem more and more comfortable with her, especially over the last week. Edward hadn’t returned to school, and so things felt easy there. After school, they spent time at Bella’s house and — she stopped her thoughts before they could continue. Edward was not the point here. He wasn’t important at all. He didn’t matter. She was with Bella now. He was a non-issue, god damn it .

“And you still feel the desire you spoke of before? The desire to bite her?”

Rosalie shifted, cleared her throat. Her ‘yes’ came out more of a croak.

Not that she had been able to feel that in the past week. There had been no heavy kissing, there had been no time, no place for it.

Again Edward’s face appeared in her head and she smashed it back down. He wasn’t the point. It wasn’t because of him that Bella hadn’t tried to... start anything. It was because Charlie’s caseload had been light and so he had been buzzing around. That was all.

Leaning forward a little, Carlisle cocked his head. “I’ve had a theory since we spoke of that desire.”

“And?”

“Could it be that you must be mated to be mates?”

Rose stared blankly. “Meaning?”

He laughed. “I’m sorry, that came out as more of a riddle than I had intended. What I mean by that is, could your... connection be pushing you to take the final steps to truly, well...”

Rosalie jerked like she had been hit with a cattle prod. “Are you trying to talk to me about sex, Carlisle?”

For the briefest of moments, Carlisle seemed embarrassed.

Sex was something that the Cullens had no choice but to be open about, as their hearing was so good. Rosalie was fully aware that, though often sweet and passionate more than tearing the house down, Carlisle and Esme still had sex most days. In fact, he had bought her an island just for that purpose. They all tried to be sensitive to their housemates, but it was just the way it was. It was an unspoken issue. At leas Carlisle never had to speak to them, as far as she knew, about sex. No one had ever needed the finer points explained to them.

He cleared his throat and his medical training seemed to click in. He nodded. “Yes, I am.”

“And why exactly are you asking me about sex?”

“Once again, this is theoretical.”

Rose waved her hand impatiently, tired of hearing that.

“The point, I think, of what we feel when we meet our mates is to be sure that we don’t pass up our soulmates.”

Internally Rose rolled her eyes. Soulmates. This was completely where Edward got his flair for the dramatic. How could a man of science believe these things?

“I know, I know, you think that’s hogwash. I think that the scent lures you in, the desire to know, the inability to ignore and I think your desire to turn Bella into one of us is —”

The chair under her gave a warning splinter as her hand closed on the arm. “I do not have a desire to turn Bella into one of us.”

Carlisle’s smile was soft and kind, and Rose hated it because it was also placating. “Rose, the exact words you said were that you have a desire for your venom to be inside of Bella. That sounds very much like not only sexual desire but also a desire —”

“No.”

His mouth closed with a huff of frustration.

She held his gaze, refusing to feel embarrassed, even if she felt it completely. She had said it. She knew that. But that didn’t mean...

“I think all of those things are the unacted upon bond trying to make things more... harmonious. I think it may become more and more insistent until satisfied. Imagine, if you will, pushing two magnets together. Eventually, their connection makes it impossible to keep from one another.”

“Right.”

“Has Bella expressed any concerns about this new sensation?”

At this Rose looked away, out his window at the quickly growing grey day. “She hadn’t said anything.” And then because it had to be admitted, she continued on. “I’m not entirely sure she’s capable of feeling the mate bond.”

He studied her with a frown. “Have you not told her yet?”

“No.”

“Why?”

She scoffed. It was an obvious answer. “She can’t, right? She can’t feel the things that I feel?”

“You mean because she’s human?”

“Yes.”

“I honestly don’t know, Rose, I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to hear that.”

“You’re right! I don’t!” she snarled.

Carlisle gave a slight apologetic nod of his head before he continued on. “I have to imagine she can feel the bond to a point. After all, whether through the bond or because of the bond, you two have taken to one another very well.”

She scowled under his gaze.

“I understand your hesitation, Rose, but you understand that things are not as simple as they once were.”

“Which means?” She snapped. Here it was. She had known it would come to this. She stared back, her gaze hard enough though her insides were beginning to feel sore.

“I think you know what I mean.”

“Uh-huh. Right.” She looked away again. She shouldn’t have to defend this. She wasn’t going to have this conversation. She simply wouldn’t. “And intimacy? That is the pinnacle of the bond, right? That is the point where the pulling sensation will stop? So is it a possibility? I mean—” she huffed. “I know it is, but...” ugh, forget it. This wasn’t worth it. She should have talked to Esme, who then would have talked to Carlisle and brought back what he said. That would have made more sense.

She trusted her ability. She had hurt Bella a little, but she could be more aware.

“I think if you’re very careful that it could be a wonderful experience for you two. One that she should have while still human. But I do not think it’s the pinnacle of the bond, no. Nor do I think it will cause the sensations you’re speaking of to slacken.”

Teeth grinding she stared, wanting to break something. “You just said that we need to mate to be mates.”

“I didn’t mean sex, Rose.”

“Right,” she threw back like a fastball. “You think I should bite her.” She closed her eyes as the tingle went up her spine, betraying her and angering her. “You think I should take the life of a teenage girl!”

When she opened her eyes again Carlisle had sat back, his fingers steepled, apparently very aware of what Rosalie’s body had just done.

She growled a little.

“I’m going to tell you the same thing that I told Edward, Rose.”

The hiss that she let out was sharp.

 “If Bella is your mate then things are different than they would be if she were a mere romantic interest. If most vampires only get one mate then surely it must mean our mates are predestined. Else, how would any of us be in the right place at the right time to meet them?” He chuckled a little. “Can you imagine the strength of destiny for those who mate with two or three people? I know that Edward is always worried that our souls are doomed, but that to me speaks of divinity. Seeing you and Bella together, I do not doubt that you are indeed mates. And that, Rose, I did not say to Edward.”

She sniffed. That helped. It was stupid, but the thought that he hadn’t said that to Edward did help soothe some of the anger in her chest.

“You’re trying to tell me that you think intimacy will increase the strength of the bond.”

He nodded slowly. “Doesn’t it for every couple?”

She didn’t respond.

“But Rose, it’s only fair to let it.”

“Right.” That was her cue. “Okay, thanks.” She pushed herself to her feet, ready to leave this awkward situation.

Carlisle’s hand went up, his voice sharp. “Sit down. Please.”

Alarmed and suddenly even more anxious to leave, she sat.

“Rose, there can be no halfway in this. It isn’t fair to try to contain it like you’re doing.”

“It’s not that simple!”

“Tell Bella, Rose. Tell her, and see what she says. After all, she deserves a say.”