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So I Hope You See (That I Would Love To Love You)

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A few days later Rosalie’s resolve was still iron. She had been avoiding Bella in the halls, she had been avoiding Bella after school. During lunch when Bella joined their table, Rosalie made a point of rising and leaving.

In truth, it was easy to avoid her, and if she felt any tinge of unhappiness then surely it was nothing at all.

A few days later Rosalie was settled beside the Camaro, happily listening to music and getting greasy. The frame had been far more disgusting that she had realized initially and that meant that just then, she was covered head to toe in smudges and smears while she worked a rag over it, removing as much as she could. Her jeans were old and permanently stained, her tank top was ragged, her hair pulled up into a knot at the top of her head to keep it mostly out of the way.

She rubbed and scrubbed with careful precision, working not to add too much pressure and dent the car.

She wasn’t frustrated. Bella didn’t mean enough to be frustrated over. She was a simple nothing in her life.

Still, Rosalie felt like she had been plagued with an itch that couldn’t be scratched.

She was just always there, hovering right outside of Rosalie’s control, that stupid scent that wasn’t a scent demanding her attention. And she didn’t know why.

She rubbed at a spot of rust, getting as much of the grease out before marking the spot. It would have to be sealed.

From inside the house behind her, she could hear the breathy laugh that made her jaw clench.


Probably laughing at some stupid thing that Edward said.

She snarled a little and the car gave a grunt of bending metal.

“Damn it.” She reached into the frame, popping the small dent right back out. Damn it! She needed to be more careful. Car bodies were delicate, requiring the lightest brush of fingers, the gentlest strokes, else bruise the beautiful body she was trying to care for.

There was another groan of metal and a snap as that private and probably intimate laugh from Edward’s room came again.

“Damn it!” she growled, snapping her hands away, a large bolt sitting in her hand. “Guaaah!” She roared, grabbed a hammer from the box across the wall and snapped it in half. The crack was loud and satisfying, calming some of the turmoil in her.

Her jaw was tight, her hand so hard on the head of the hammer that it was beginning to change shape.

Well, that hadn’t helped enough and now she needed to get a new ball-peen hammer. Great.

She grabbed the iPod out of the iHome that Emmett had only just bought, and shoved the headphones into her ears, turning the music up to a deafening volume.

That helped.

The laughter, the mutter of voices, all of it was drown out. She stretched and sighed, some of the tension leaving her body.

Focusing again, she settled back onto her rolling stool, one leg under her, the other stretched to rest just inside the open car door.

Her fingers became gentle again, coaxing the grease away. She glided over the top of the passenger door and onto the back door, pleased with the ease. She would have to do this again soon. The car would naturally get greasy as she installed a new interior, and would have to be done in order to paint but that was —

The violent and animalistic hiss rolled out of her in fury as she swung around.

Behind her, Bella stood looking slightly afraid, the headphone she had just pulled from Rosalie’s ear still dangling from her outstretched hand.

With effort and more than a little annoyance, Rosalie snatched her stolen headphone from Bella. “What the fuck do you want?” Rosalie hadn’t meant to yell it in her face, but was she serious? You didn’t sneak up on an unaware vampire like that!

Bella didn’t sneak up on her like that!

She could have ripped her apart without even noticing.

Instantly, Edward was there in the door, his eyes sharp, his teeth pulled back.

Bella flinched at Rosalie’s shout but she stood her ground, only dropping her hand to her side.

Rose stared at her fixedly, both impressed by her and impressed by her stupidity.

“Bella.” Rosalie sighed, her greasy hands dropping to her lap. “In the future, if a vampire hisses at you like that, you run.”

Edward’s growl rumbled in threat.

Bella’s eyes hardened, her face set like stone. “You’re not going to hurt me.”

Rosalie spluttered a scoffed that sounded a lot more taken aback than indignant.

Behind them, Edward shifted and Bella waved him off. “I’m fine.”

“And I’m busy.” Rosalie turned back to the car, beginning her job again. But she could feel her standing there like the warm rays of the sun on her back.

“I’m fine, Edward.” Bella insisted and Rosalie, despite herself, smirked at his dismissal.

Still, Edward didn’t leave.

“Can I help?”

“What?” She scoffed.

Bella took a step and Rosalie couldn’t help but look at her as she drew up even with her.

She was too close, her mind babbled but Rose refused to move, refused to show that she didn’t like it.

She didn’t want to watch her either, she truly didn’t. But she saw Bella there, so close, could feel her warmth, and slightly intoxicated by it, her eyes slipped from the car to Bella’s face.

Bella was taking a deep breath, obviously steeling herself.

Rosalie saw that with curiosity. The determination was so set that she wasn’t sure she understand how the girl who followed Edward around like a lovesick idiot could possibly possess it.

“I don’t want you to hate me.”

Rose’s eyebrows rose. Her voice wasn’t at all the nervous thing she had come to expect from Bella, but instead, it was strong and it made Rose’s head spin. She didn’t want her to hate her? As in she, Rosalie, specifically?

“And why is that?”

Bella’s eyes shifted a little wildly, glancing at her and then away, at her and then away. “Because! You’re part of Edward’s family. I don’t like any of you not liking me, and I know why you don’t.”

Hopes that Rosalie knew shouldn’t be up rose and fell all at once. She looked back to the car, her body stiff.

“He told me that you struggle with me knowing what you are.”

Rosalie sneered but didn’t bother to argue. If that had been true at first. It wasn’t now. But that didn’t matter much.

“Edward is going hunting tomorrow night.”


In the doorway, Esme joined Edward, both of them staring at her, asking something of her.

“Stay with me?”

“What?” she spluttered again, kicking herself for it. She wasn’t this inarticulate, damn it.

Esme shifted in the doorway, her face alight with hope. Rosalie glanced at her, and she nodded in encouragement.


Bella’s face fell.

This wasn’t fair. This wasn’t fair at all. Her core reaction was a strong fuck that. But there was Edward and Esme, both with matching looks on their faces silently asking her to try.

It was a strong guilt trip. It wasn’t fair.

And Bella’s face, that stupid face that she didn’t care about that looked so crestfallen.

She looked away, ripped her gaze away before that look burned her. Staring into the faces of her brother and mother of sorts, Rose gave a grunt. “Fine.”

Bella’s hurt was replaced so fast that it looked like an emotional explosion; her grin was huge.

Rosalie just put her headphones back in and turned back to the car, ignoring all of them.



By four o clock Rosalie had showered, dressed, and was in the library. This time she wasn’t lounging as she had the night before, but instead was sitting straight-backed, the book in her lap, waiting.

She didn’t move as she heard the truck thunder onto the drive. There was just a tiny twitch of her body, maybe even a wince. She listened as the door to the truck eventually slammed closed and then two pairs of feet made their way up the front porch.

She didn’t move as Bella and Edward walked in, passing the library door.

She didn’t move through Edward’s ridiculously sappy goodbye, one better suited to him leaving for war rather than a night of hunting.

“Is… she…” Bella’s voice dropped off.

“Rose is in the library, I think,” Esme answered, the warmth in her voice overflowing as it always did when she spoke to Bella.

“Oh. Okay.”

She rose and moving at full vampire speed, sat in the chair at the far end of the living room, the book still in her lap. There was no real reason other than the overwhelming desire to be contrary.

“Oh!” Bella jumped a little when she rounded the corner into the living room and found Rose a lot closer than she had expected. Her pale cheeks went warm and pink, her eyes dropping. “Sorry, they uh, they told me you were in the library.”

Rose almost smiled.

“Sooo…” Bella clicked her tongue, looking awkward.

Rosalie didn’t acknowledge anything that Bela said. With a sharp throat clear, she opened her book, settling back in the chair.

“Okay.” Bella breathed and moved toward the couch. She settled on the far end, squishing herself against the arm to give Rose as much space as she could. “Do you want to watch some TV?”

Rosalie turned the page.

“Okay,” Bella sighed under her breath.

Rosalie swallowed a smirk.

The room fell into silence.

Through the silence, through her reading, Rosalie listened. She could feel Bella’s eyes on her, but she would not look up, she was not going to make this fun.

“So do you know where they are going to hunt? Edward… didn’t… say…”

Rosalie turned from one page to the next.

“Right. Okay.” The TV clicked on and Rosalie smirked down at her book, pleased.

The night seemed incredibly long for Bella. Rosalie sat with her book, perfectly content, but Bella fidgeted in her seat, flipped channels, and got up now and then for a snack.

All the while Rose felt her eyes shifting to her, away, shifting to her, away, all as though desperate for conversation.

Rosalie ignored her, which was very helpful. In her mind the couch was empty. She didn’t care. She wouldn’t notice. Instead, she noticed Bella’s TV preferences. She skipped passed the stupid adult cartoons she heard so many of Bella’s peers discussing daily. She even skipped by the modern sitcoms that people loved so much and instead settled on a documentary about hidden Tibet. Even from her place across the room and while never looking up for longer than a moment at a time, Rosalie enjoyed the program deeply. It was somewhere she had always wanted to go. She wanted the chance to travel. The rest of the family had, and she had done a bit, but she wanted the chance to go everywhere.

When that was finished Rosalie expected something inane, but Bella instead settled, with obvious excitement, on a just beginning Masterpiece Theater’s Jane Eyre.

“Have you seen this?”

Rosalie, stunned by the excitement in her voice, glanced at Bella for the first time all night. “You’re watching this?”

Bella turned to her, the look on her face suddenly hard. “I read it last week.”

That surprised her. “Well, I’m reading it now. Turn it off,” she snapped despite her honest desire to watch.

“Because you haven’t read it before? I want to watch this.”

Rosalie considered her for a moment and as she did her desire burned. Why did Bella like things like this? It wasn’t typical of her age at all. When had she discovered it? Why did she read the book? How had she read it so fast? She had so many questions, wanted to know so much. More than anything else, she wanted to know what Bella’s skin would smell like up close.

And that was unacceptable. So Rosalie’s eyes dropped back to her book, and teeth grit, she ignored her for the rest of the night.



This was difficult. Rosalie growled to herself a little as she ducked back around the corner she had just turned. She hadn’t seen her, but the scent was enough to know that Bella was somewhere down that hall, more than likely waiting casually just outside of the door Rosalie needed to enter.

She was going to be late. She was going to make her late.

Life had gotten so much more difficult since Bella had decided that she was on this whole crusade. How was she supposed to deal with —

She cut her thoughts off sharply.

Her thoughts had been harder to control over this last week too. They simply kept drifting without her permission. This was why there were generally no secrets in their family. Between Edward and Alice… but Edward, it seemed, was still ignoring her thoughts as best he could. That was good, but it wasn’t insurance. She couldn’t count on it.

She had been spending a lot of time in the junkyards scattered all over Washington, and that was good. That helped. It kept her thoughts on the car, it kept her out of the house, it kept her mind… occupied.

She glanced around the corner and sure enough, Bella was there. She must have sent Edward off because he wasn’t there with her. As she watched Bella glanced down at her watch, her face anxious.

Rosalie smiled a little evilly. Well, she wasn’t afraid of being late if that was what needed to happen. She just didn’t want to be.

Or maybe…

She started down the hallway before her mind had caught up with her. Startled, her mind immediately began to yell at her, arguing with her decision to do this.

The look on Bella’s face was almost comical when she came into view, books in her arms, her purse hung over her shoulder, her hair laying gently over one shoulder. Bella’s eyes bugged, looking at once shocked and something else that Rosalie couldn’t place.

Rosalie stared her down, her eyes intense, drilling into Bella as she approached. She layered on all of her charm, her vampire glamor that caught the eye of so many. Everyone within five feet seemed to respond. Bella stared back like a deer caught in front of an oncoming semi while a handful of boys to their right all stopped at once to stare, creating a pileup crash of everyone who had been behind them. A few girls glared at the boys and continued walking, unaffected, while a teacher walking by stumbled and glanced at Rosalie once, twice, before he hurried past.

“Bella,” she said in a purr.

Bella swallowed, her eye flicking over Rosalie’s face as Rose stepped very close, too close in her own opinion. Bella’s mouth opened and she made a small noise that might have been a word at one point but wasn’t anymore.

And then Rosalie stepped passed her, into the classroom that always smelled too much of her. For a brief moment, she allowed her eyes to close, to breathe the scent in.

Then she took her seat.



Bella still seemed shaken that night when she walked into the Cullen house, something that made Rosalie smile a little to herself. She hadn’t even done anything specifically great.

She was busy at the small card table at the end of the living room, filling in the last few answers in the previous week’s Time’s crossword, and she was content. She was not getting up, she decided.

Still, she glared when instead of going up to Edward’s room, he and Bella settled at the piano. Seeing as how they were facing away from her, the look did little to help.

‘With seventeen across, the value of some opinions,’ Rosalie read and filled the answer in easily.

‘Word before know and care.’ She rolled her eyes, amazed that those who did this before her had missed some of these.

“Yes, you place your fingers like this, but lightly.”

There was a loud clonk and Rosalie looked up, wary.


Rosalie heard the key depress so slowly that no sound came from the piano.

“Too light.”


“Come on, if I can touch you without breaking you then you can be light… good.”

Rosalie felt the annoyance rise within her. She always hated how Edward spoke to Bella, she had from moment one. It was one of the things she disliked about her the most, the fact that she let him.

“Okay so, follow me.” There was a light three-note tune that filled the room, followed by a misguided clunk. Rosalie winced.

Beside Bella, Edward began to laugh.

“Sorry, that was dumb,” Bella mumbled.

“Try again.”

This time instead of the clunk there was a high tinkle as very went the wrong direction on the keys.

“You’re not very good at this,” Edward said with a smile, his fingers moving lithely over the keys.

Astonished and beyond peeved to hear that, Rosalie stared at Bella, waiting for her to fight back. Instead what she saw was acceptance. Bella’s eyes dropped, her face flushed. Rosalie could see Bella internalize this, adding it to the facts about herself: brown hair, pale skin, bad at the piano.

It was insane. It was so rude.

It was… dickish of him.

“Here, try this. This is easier.” His fingers bounced between two notes at a steady rhythm and Bella, looking like she would rather not, copied him on her side.

Edward was like this. He was a horrible teacher because he just laughed when his student made a mistake. He had once tried to teach Rose to play Senet and she had become so enraged with how he had treated her that she had eventually flipped the board and refused to let him teach her anything since.

Maybe Edward was right about her, maybe her death had changed her because now she had no patience for men who treated women like shit. It hadn’t been something that had bothered her in life. She had been given too much, too easily, been too shallow, wanted to be admired too much. Now her teeth grit as Bella made a mistake again and her hands dropped into her lap, leaving the piano like it had burned her.

That was fine, she told herself. It was fine. It was Bella’s issue to deal with. So she was going to let Edward talk to her like she had a maximum of two brain cells instead of like the intelligent woman she was? Fine.

“Don’t put your hands down.”

“Let’s just stop,” Bella moaned. “I suck at this.”

Jaw tight, Rosalie exploded, forcing words out of her that she hadn’t wanted to say, hadn’t planned on saying. “No, you just haven’t had a hundred years of virginity in which to practice!” Her voice snapped through the room, ricocheting off of the walls and making all the other Cullens in the house go silent.

Had that been her? She wanted to look around for the culprit that had stolen her voice because it clearly hadn’t been her. As a matter of fact, she had been the one that had decided not to speak. That had been her. She blinked at Edward’s back, confused as to how that could have possibly happened.

Slowly, a statue come to life, Edward turned on his seat to look at her, his face a fury of shock and anger.

“Uh.” She cleared her throat, a nervous tick. Well, she had put that out there, so she didn’t have a lot of choice about backing it up. Her face transformed, growing hard. She glared back at him fiercely, even though she knew he could hear the panic in her mind, let alone the confusion about why she had spoken at all. “It true.”

He stared for a long moment, looking like he wanted to throttle her. “If – you – have – nothing else – to – add,” he ground out and turned, shaking his head in bemusement.

She snarled, provoked. “You realize you sound like a jerk, right? You’re laughing when she makes mistakes, telling her that she’s no good at it before she ever really got the chance to try this thing that she had never done before. You sound like you don’t think she can do it at all. Is that the message you’re trying to send?” Her eyes didn’t turn to Bella but instead looked jut above her right shoulder, not wanting to make eye contact with her, not with the way Bella was staring at her just then. “He’s not better than you. He’s just had more time to practice. Instruments take time to study.”

Unwillingly, but unable to stop it, her eyes flicked down to Bella’s face and caught. It was as if the sun had blossomed there, the beginning of its creation. Any sun that had existed before was only a light source compared to this.

She mentally swore.

Slowly Edward blinked, his face slack. “Err,” he gave a small cough, his eyes dragging back to his seatmate. “No, I am not trying to say that. I didn’t realize.” He sent Rosalie another glance, looking at her like she had suddenly gone insane.

Rosalie just stared fixedly at the wall behind them, her jaw clamped tight, her hands digging into her legs. God damn it.

“Do you want to try again?”

Bella nodded a little and they turned back to the piano.

Bella’s mouth opened, closed, opened before she leaned in and asked in a perfectly audible whisper, “Are you really a virgin?”

Rose let out a loud cackle and stood. “Oops.” She shrugged at the murder that was in his face and went upstairs to change.



“So what are you and Bella gonna do tonight?” She asked Emmett once in her raggy hunting clothes.

He shrugged. “Movie, I think. There’s this new one about a dude who has been a virgin all of his life.”

“Hmmm,” she hummed. “I’m sensing a theme from the evening.”

“Right?” Emmett laughed. “At least that’s probably gonna finally change.”

Rosalie froze, her hands wrapped around her hair. Her eyes had blown wide, her mouth suddenly saturated with venom. She had to fight, literally fight, not to respond, to yell, to say something nasty. Something black and ugly squirmed in her stomach. She turned away, forcing her mind onto the car, but it did not want to go. The thoughts were there, the ones that she had somehow always avoided. Edward naked with her. Edward inside of Bella’s body. Edward leaving some of himself behind, possessing her.

“I still can’t believe he doesn’t jerk off,” Emmett mumbled. “That’s crazy. You ready?”

“What?” Rose gave a guilty start.

“Everyone else has left already. You going?”

“Oh.” She gave her own fake little throat clear. “Of course.” Normally she would lean in, she could give him a passionate kiss, or maybe even a pinch to his butt. But just then… her stomach recoiled at the idea and so with a wink, she headed out before she could let herself think anymore.

 The problem was, once she had made Bella smile like that, she wanted to do it again. It wasn’t for Bella’s sake, she reminded herself again and again, but instead, it was about teaching Edward not to be a chauvinist.

No matter where she was in the house when she heard him say something that sounded like ‘I’m better than you’ she found it impossible not to speak up.

It was a slippery slope though. The next time she had been downstairs when Edward and Bella had been in his room. She had heard him clear as a bell, teasing her about her inability to hike without hurting herself. Before she had stopped herself she had called up loud enough for them to both hear that he wasn’t specifically good at hiking, he was just a fucking vampire with extra sensitive senses. She hadn’t been able to see his face but from the long pause and then the giggle she had heard from Bella, she thought his face must have been good.

She had kind of liked doing this. If Bella wasn’t going to stick up for herself, she wasn’t going to complain about doing it for her.

That was, until the third time.

The third time she must have lost her senses, because the third time when Bella looked over at her after she came to her defense and smiled… Rose actually smiled back. A genuine smile. A real genuine smile.

She had left for the car bay, confused and angry.

It was a dangerous slippery slope that she needed to stay completely away from.

She reminded herself of that as she heard Bella’s truck roaring through the pouring rain the next babysitting night.

She wasn’t staying.

She just would keep her mouth shut, ignore her, it was as simple as that.

She was sitting at the dining room table, a book in hand as she waited for her family to gather. She wasn’t looking forward to this hunt. She glanced out at the rain, which looked more like a wall of water. She was going to get muddy.

Maybe… she could always skip this week. After all, she had gone just the week before. Unlike the rest of the family, she didn’t think she needed to stuff herself constantly to not be a threat to Bella.

The front door opened with Edward’s laughter. “You’re soaked.”

Rosalie’s eyes closed, instantly overwhelmed. Her scent, not that misty scent that was more a feeling, but her actual physical scent mixed with rain and earth… her hands clenched into fists.

“Yeah,” Bella gasped, her voice shaking with cold. “It’s brutal out there.”

Chuckling and grinning widely, Edward said, “I’ll get you a towel.”

“Thanks,” Bella nodded, her body jerking with her shivers, her teeth chattering.

Alice skipped up, looking disapproving.

“I know.” Bella sighed.

Rosalie had to admit, it was almost impressive how soaked through she had gotten in the minute-long walk from her truck to the porch.

“I know,” Bella sighed, sadly. “It isn’t fair that Edward is so beautiful and he’s stuck with me, the human drowned rat.”

Something white-hot ripped through her, something like anger laced with pain. Upstairs Edward barked a laugh.

“You’re beautiful too, god damn it!”

There was a loud splintering crack. Shocked, Rose looked down at her fist which had just come down on the tabletop, at the cracks that splintered out from it like a web.

She looked back up and at the two people in the doorway, her eyes only seeing one. Bella was staring at her, mouth open, seeming entirely unaware that Rosalie had just broken the table.

Flabbergasted, Rosalie just stared.

What the fuck was happening to her?