Chapter Text
November 8th 2010
It always happens the same way.
Chris would open the door to reveal a manifestation of evil in the flesh. The image of a once bright star now fallen and dark. A gaze that bore straight through the night. A smile that conveyed a secret craving.
A craving for blood.
And in the next moment, Chris would feel pain. Always pain. A chain of agony that would coarse through every bone in his body while the echo of a vile and wicked laugh danced through his ears. But through it all, he could hear a voice. A frail and desperate cry that reminded him of a time when he was a child. When he’d wake up in the middle of the night to the sounds of nightmarish screams.
“Chris!”
He was suddenly falling. For what seemed like forever. Deep down into the darkness. Alone in his helplessness with nothing but a foul promise as company in the spiraled depths of his mind.
“I’m going to break every bone in your body.”
Those words stirred a familiar crushing sensation that branched out through his limbs. Chris wanted to scream but he couldn’t. He wanted to run but he wouldn’t.
Not when there was nowhere to run to.
“Chris!”
Chris woke up with a gasp and he immediately shot his gaze around his shadowed room, spotting Claire sitting on the edge of the bed looking at him like a mother would look at their sick child. Which was unsettling because Claire was his younger sister. Chris was the one who was supposed to be the protector. Not the other way around.
“Are you alright?” Claire’s voice was soft amidst the wind that creaked along the walls and floors.
Chris let out a small shaky breath before easing back down on the bed and turning away from her.
“I’m fine.” Chris answered. His words were equally quiet. As if the both of them were afraid of stirring up whatever monsters that lingered outside the safety of their house. Their new house. It wasn’t like they could ever go back to Chris’ old apartment after what happened on Christmas.
“I’m worried about you, Chris.” Claire was saying after a long and disconcerting pause.
“I’m fine, Claire.” Chris repeated motionlessly. He wasn’t looking at her but he could feel her gaze heavy on his back. He expected her to say something else. Expected her to try and comfort him some more.
But she didn’t.
He heard her stand up and head for the door but not before lingering at the edge of the room and doling out a small,
“Goodnight.”
She was gone. Leaving Chris in the silence of his room and in the silence of his mind.
//////////
“Is everything ok?” O’Brian asked during one of Chris’s weekly check-ins.
“Yes.” Chris answered bleakly from the other side of his desk.
He couldn’t stop the rise of agitation bubbling to the surface. Especially during these tedious weekly reports with the BSAA advisor. He shouldn’t be here sitting in this office or sitting at home playing house with Claire. There was really only once place where he belonged.
“How’s your new partner treating you?” asked the BSAA advisor.
“Fine.” Chris answered briskly.
“Any problems?”
“And if there were?” the brunette counter-questioned, his anger continuing to build. O’Brian flipped the report on his desk closed and stapled his finger together as he leaned back in his office chair.
“You know it’s a slow process to reassign partners.”
Chris fought hard not to roll his eyes.
“That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it.”
It wasn’t a secret that Chris wanted to get back out onto the field. He’d made it perfectly clear just how much he wanted to capture Wesker and find Leon. But O’Brian wasn’t inclined to give him what he wanted of course.
“Chris, you’re one of our best agents-”
“Which is exactly why you should be sending me out there to look for that asshole-”
“You’re still in the recovery process. Overexerting your body is just a recipe for permanent damage. In the case of Albert Wesker... we’ve been trying to find him for months now and haven’t found a trace of him anywhere in the country.”
“Then maybe you should start looking outside the fucking country-”
“Redfield.” O’Brian intoned, giving him a hardnosed look. “You should be focusing on getting better. Not a personal vendetta against your arch enemy.”
“It’s not about a personal vendetta, damn it!” Chris snapped, slamming his open palm on O’Brian’s desk and standing up from his chair. “This is about Leon! He’s still out there somewhere!”
“Even if he is, you do realize he’s an enemy of this organization now.” informed O’Brian.
Chris paused, unable to voice his thoughts out loud. He’d read the reports of that fateful day when they surrounded Leon’s apartment. The BSAA’s mission had been to incapacitate the tyrant and bring him in for experimentation. But Leon had turned a blind eye, betrayed them all and ended up saving Wesker instead. Only for his actions to result in the deaths of an entire BSAA team and the critical injuries of a handful of others. Including Claire.
Maybe O’Brian wasn’t wrong when saying Leon was their enemy now. But that didn’t change who Leon was before all this. He was Chris’ comrade, Claire's hero. Hell, they might as well have been brothers. And bonds like that never broke. No matter what.
“He’s still one of us.” Chris stated resolutely.
O’Brian wasn’t the least bit sentimental at his determination. He waved Chris out of his office and uncapped a pen to scribble on his open planner.
“Give me an update on your recovery in a week, Redfield. And maybe then we’ll talk about Leon.”
//////////
Chris tried to focus on his breathing rather than on the burning aches and pains in his muscles. His arms wobbled under the dumbbells in his hands, doing a piss poor job on his fourth set of bent-over rows today.
“Come on, Captain. You’re almost there!”
Chris huffed, sweat clinging to his forehead. His back ached, his arms shook, and his legs threatened to totter over. But then a hand clasped him on the shoulder to steady his balance and another hand alleviated some of the weight in his death grip.
Of course Piers is always to the rescue, Chris snorted to himself.
Not to say that Pier’s company wasn’t entirely unwelcomed. It was just…
“I gotcha, captain.” reassured the younger brunette, looking every bit the supportive puppy dog.
Chris rolled his eyes. This was exactly the point he was trying to make to O’Brian when the BSAA adviser first stuck them together. Chris didn’t need a personal assistant to watch over him like a playground monitor. He needed to be on his own. To learn how to pick himself up if he ever fell down. It was the only way he’d ever get stronger.
“Piers, I’m trying to improve myself here.” Chris vocalized with a gruff huff.
“I know captain. And I’m trying to make sure you don’t hurt yourself.”
Chris’ first instinct was to punch the daylights out of him but he knew that would only earn him flak from O’Brian. And besides… he wasn’t sure his punch would really do any damage at this point. It felt like he had spaghetti arms.
“Gee, thanks.” Chris all but gritted out through his teeth.
He gave up on strength training for now and decided to just call it a day. He could do with a few extra hours of sleep anyway since last night he’d barely gotten any. Fuckin’ nightmares were occurring more frequently these days. He pushed the dumbbells into Piers’ hands and strode over to the doors with a slight limp in step. He hated that limp but at least he didn’t need a crutch anymore.
He stopped by the bench to snatch up his bag.
“I’m heading out. I’ll see you when I see you.” Chris called over his shoulder.
“Wait up!” Chris could hear Piers calling from behind him, hurrying to grab his own stuff and follow Chris outside.
It was dark out despite how early the evening was. Perks of the winter solstice. It was also snowing and Chris could see his own breath fogging up amidst the small flurries. The doors slammed open behind him and it actually sounded like Piers was trying to catch his breath. Chris tried not to look too proud of himself.
“Captain! I’m coming with you!”
No surprise there. He’s been walking Chris home these past couple of weeks after his physical therapy sessions. As if Piers wasn’t just his own personal assistant but his own personal guard too.
Geez, it was ridiculous.
But Chris didn’t fight it. He usually didn’t have enough energy to fight after one of his strenuous workouts anyway. And he stretched the term strenuous in every sense of the way because any other person would be able to do his entire workout list in half the time it took him to complete it. It made him feel absolutely pathetic and he couldn’t help but reminisce the days when he could do a hundred reps and run a thousand yards without breaking a sweat.
“You alright, Captain?” Piers spoke in the encompassing tranquility that sequestered the empty streets. The only noise that idled down the sidewalk were two sets of footsteps and the soft sift of snow.
Piers seemed to know when Chris’ mind was tumbling down the gutter. Guess he’s gotten to know the older brunette well enough these past weeks to recognize the signs on his face.
“I’m fine, Piers.” Chris replied. But his words were empty. As empty as the streets. People had a habit of hiding in their homes when darkness fell across the sky. But Chris would never criticize anyone for that. Not when there were monsters lurking in unsuspecting places. And in unsuspecting minds.
“You can talk to me if you want. About anything.” Piers added after a few quiet moments.
“I’m fine, Piers.” Chris repeated, the words rang hollow to his own ears but Piers didn’t say anything else after that.
They soon reached Chris’ residence. It was a townhouse, part of a row that sat along the road. The cookie cutter homes were all blue with the same colored trimmings. The only difference was their distinguished numbering. Piers followed Chris all the way to his doorstep where the front entrance opened before the older brunette could even touch the handle.
Light from inside poured over both men and it appeared to be coming solely from the beaming smile the younger Redfield was projecting.
In this moment Chris couldn’t help but think how strange this all was. Sitting before his tired eyes was the perfect image of a life he’s always wanted. A bright warm home, surrounded by friends and family. But the cold reality of it was veiled behind a bloody curtain. This wasn’t the life he dreamed about one day having. No...
Not when his mind and body were in broken shambles. Not when his sister was hiding behind a fake and forced smile.
Not when Leon was gone.
“Chris! I’m glad you’re home! I made pasta for dinner.”
Chris breathed in a deep exhale and forced on a smile of his own.
“Sounds great, Claire.” then he lightly sniffed. “Smells great too.”
Claire’s smile dampened, the lines of worry almost seeping through the cracks of her mask at Chris’ obvious act. But she didn’t say anything about it and instead opened the door wider.
“Well, I made enough for the whole week. Piers would you like to join us?” Claire knew the former soldier about as long as Chris has but she didn’t hesitate to extend her invitation to her brother’s guardian.
Chris walked past her and he heard Piers give a nervous laugh before he took a step down from the porch.
“Actually I should probably get going. I-” Could he sense the tension in the air? If he did he was bad at hiding it. He took another step back, nearly stumbling onto the sidewalk but he caught himself before he could fall. He tore off in a hasty retreat down the road “-I’ll see you tomorrow!”
“Bye Piers!” Claire called after him. It was mute a moment before Chris heard a far off voice echoing from outside.
“…bye Claire!”
Claire let go of the door and it swung shut on its own.
“Is it really so bad having a new partner around?” Claire asked innocently enough. It was pretty obvious how much Chris was against the idea from the beginning. There was no hiding the exasperation in his eyes. The older sibling slipped his bag off his shoulder and it landed on the floor with a thump.
“I don’t need a new partner, Claire. I- I need…” he stopped mid-sentence, turning away from her to stare bleakly at the wall.
A wave of grief and desperation washed over him and he struggled to pull his mind back into that blank slate of detachment. It was the only way he could operate these days. Besides, he doubted he even had to finish his sentence. Claire probably knew what he meant. It’s all Chris has been going on about ever since he was able to talk again.
“Chris…” Claire’s voice came gently from behind him. “It’s ok. I know what you’re going through.”
Chris rounded on her and searched her face for the truth.
“Do you?” he asked, somewhat doubtful even though she had been there every step of the way throughout this nightmare.
From being there during Christmas when Wesker showed up at his apartment and ended up breaking every bone in his body. To being threatened at the very hospital Chris had been in, to getting her ribs shattered when she’d tried to hunt down the tyrant with a team of BSAA agents.
If anyone understood just what kind of monster Wesker was, it was her. Yet Chris couldn’t shake the allusion that she’d moved on from everything he’d done.
Most of Claire’s body was already fully healed. Her arm strong enough to punch sandbags, her neck no longer bruised. Her shattered ribs were even able to support her upper body now. She’s always been so strong, always making a comeback from anything thrown her way.
And here Chris was struggling to do the same.
“Chris…” and Claire looked slightly hurt at his words. “How could you say that? I’ve gone what you’ve gone through. Perhaps I came out of it a bit less crippled but just as wounded.”
“Then how come I’m the only one that hasn’t forgotten about Leon?” Chris countered.
No one else ever talked about it. Like Leon was all but a memory now. Discarded in a storm of ice and snow. Claire paused to release a short huff, giving him a perturbed stare at the mention of their former comrade, their former friend.
“Chris, we’ve talked about this. Leon is-”
“Is what? Dead?” Chris interrupted almost angrily. “How could you say that when you didn’t even see a body?”
“We had another team sent out to that same location after me and Jill escaped and they didn’t find anything-” Claire started but again Chris didn’t let her finish.
“That doesn’t mean he’s dead, Claire! If anything it means he’s still out there somewhere-”
“Chris, please!” Claire yelled desperately. Making Chris fall silent for once. Claire gave her bother a pleading look. “I thought we agreed to put this all behind us for now. You’re still recovering. And the last thing I want is to see you get hurt again.”
Chris closed his eyes, the stiffness in his limbs winding down. He hadn’t meant to upset her. He just didn’t know what else to do in the current state he was in. It felt like he was stuck. Stuck in a broken body, stuck in a broken mind without anything to hold onto other than his anger and pain.
“I’m sorry.” said Chris, letting Claire’s words wash over him like a calming tide. “I know…I… I’m trying, Claire. It’s just… it’s….” He opened his eyes and looked at her, feeling hopeless. Feeling small.
Feeling like they were kids again, huddled in a closet together with the rage of the thunderstorm booming outside. Back then they couldn’t do anything but wait for it to pass.
And it was the same way now. The both of them trying to wither out a storm that neither of them had any control over.
Claire took a step toward him, lips parted and readying to speak, to say something. To save something.
But in Chris' view, he wasn’t the one that needed saving. He turned away. His feet carried him further down the hall and to the staircase.
“I don’t feel like eating dinner tonight.” He spoke over his shoulder, regretting the words as soon as they left his mouth.