It’s August 24, 1995, your mother gives you the floppy disc to upgrade your Windows software. The day has finally come, the release of Windows 95. You’d been awaiting this day ever since you’d first heard about its release a whole ten hours ago. Unable to wait any longer, you entered your room and shut the door, locking it behind you.
Dimming the lights, you approached your computer, aka the hottest thing in existence. A Dell Optiplex XMT 5100, currently running Windows 3.1x, stood before you. The only way this utter sex god could become more beautiful would be to add Windows 95 and make it truly a work of art. This beauty could already run mspaint, but imagine the upgrades.
You unwrap the packaging to the glorious disc and it smoothly enters the Dell computer. As the Monitor boots up sweat starts to beat upon your thick handlebar mustache. The absolute babe hums quietly as his warm fans spin at an increasing speed.
The Windows logo pops onto the screen. Oh god that beautiful, alluring logo. By some miracle the computer becomes even more sexy as the desktop appears on the screen, a message welcoming you to the software following soon after. You click ‘done’ on the dialogue box, and the brilliant turquoise of the background flushed before your eyes. You see the icon for the new web browser, Internet Explorer, you can only imagine the speed of its processing abilities. As you go to begin your searching experience, a new box pops up, reading: ewwor-pwease wait for instawation to compwwete uwu. You click ‘ok’, now slightly agitated. How were you supposed to wait when this utter unit was sitting right in front of you?!?
A new message popped up.
Would you wike to have some fun while you wait? Owo
You sit perplexed staring at the oddly sexual dialogue on your screen. While utterly bewildered you mutter a hesitant “yes”, unsure if the computer would even hear your remark.
The box vanishes (turns out it could hear you) and another one appears.
Pwease take off your shirt fow me Mistew Monowopoly Man uwu
You untuck your shirt and start to unbutton it, knowing that you have always wanted to do this with your computer, but in the moment it was new and a little startling. You ask the computer if that is what it really wants, with a gentle and questioning tone.
It writes back, quickly with what can only be perceived as enthusiasm,
Of couwse! As long as you do owu
“This was like buying hotels for Boardwalk and Park Place” you say to yourself, removing your tie and button down shirt.” Is this what you wanted handsome?” you ask your computer, as it starts to whine louder
A new textbox appeared as THe FinaL CouNTDoWN begins blaring from the speakers to set the mood.
Awe you weady fow more hawt stwuff?
You mutter a sigh and ask the computer to do something in return.
Mspaint opens and, using a hot pink spray paint brush, it draws an artful picture of a thícc dìcc.
Is this good enough fow you wov? uwu
You gasp as you see this excellent man dick bestowed in front of you. You nod enthusiastically as your hat falls off of your shiny bald head. Embarrassed you immediately apologize profusely.
Dont apowogise! Its hawt owo
You stare lovingly at the machine. The whirs and whinnies of the fans only increase your libido. Just looking at the drawing and the error boxes arouse you in a sexual way.
A new error appears to the left of the masterpiece of a drawing.
Pwease take off your sowks miswer monopwoly but weave your showes on
You oblige to the demands of the computer, as you attempt to take off your fine black dress socks as you leave on your shoes. Frustrated you give up and ask how you are supposed to complete such a horrid and mind boggling task
Take off your shoes then put them back on you swexy duwmbass
You remove your expensive leather shoes and remove your dress socks, revealing wads and wads of hundred dollar bills you store to wipe away any stains that may happen when you uh ya know uh masturbate, you put your shoes back on to keep the comfort of Windows 95 as important as possible.
OwO sugar daddy awe you weady fow mowre?
You were ready for more. You wanted to sex up the bountiful handsome beast that ran your favorite game, minesweeper. You wanted to play so that way you could experience Windows 95’s explosion.