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I want to shelter you

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Don’t get too close, it’s dark inside.
It’s where my demons hide.

Coveting was sin. The angel knew this. He had been there when those rules were written. Blue eyes stared at the rivulets racing each other on the bookshop window now, though they didn’t really see anything. He’d pushed Crowley away tonight when all he’d wanted was to pull him closer and never let go. Because he never wanted to let go.

Your eyes, they shine so bright.
I want to save that light.

He’d always loved Crowley’s eyes. The way they caught the light sometimes when the demon wasn’t wearing his glasses was magical. One look into them conveyed every bit of good Crowley possessed, while also reminding of his serpent days and the struggle he had gone through to be this wonderful creature. Neither good nor bad.

It was precisely those eyes that caused the angel’s current miserable state.

He was sat in his chair at the bookshop now, instead of on Crowley’s stylish (read: uncomfortable) sofa because those eyes had pleaded him to stay. He’d looked as if nothing in the world would make him happier than for Aziraphale to envelop him in his arms and never open them again. Like he wanted to crawl under the angel’s skin and never again feel the cold of the air without the human-shaped barrier around his soul. To share that space with Aziraphale.

He couldn’t let himself have that. Wasn’t worthy of such affections. Such tender love. So he sat there and tried to drown his desires in melancholy and alcohol.

The phone rang. He let it.

Why had God let him be all these years? Was this a test of restraint? Was he supposed to deny himself all pleasures or just this one? And to what end?

He’d always been greedy. Greedy for food. Greedy for good clothes. For books. But he couldn’t allow himself to consume Crowley. He had to pull himself away in order to preserve that light. Couldn’t be selfish now. Because he would devour him, and that would be the biggest sin of all. To rob the world of Crowley. Worth falling over.

Was there a way for him to share the demon’s company without usurping his very essence? He didn’t think so, but perhaps...

The phone rang again. He picked it up.

“Angel, please let me try to help?”

I can’t escape this now
Unless you show me how?