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“Friday?" Tony whispered, his little glass room lighting up.
“Sir?”
Tony shut his eyes, rolling his shoulders.
“Did you get that picture?”
Silence.
To his right, a little screen popped up, and there it was.
Deep in his stomach, guilt shot through like a lightening strike, but God alive, he could not help it.
Steve.
When he had arrived at the lake house, Tony had been carrying Morgan, gliding inside to eat lunch with Pepper.
Then, they pulled up, the few that still called themselves the Avengers.
And the first one he’d seen was Steve. And damn, the years, no matter how bleak, were good to him.
It was not fair, and a dark place inside Tony hated Steve for it.
He had been decked in all black, from his shirt, all the way down to his shoes.
He was really glad that Morgan was as young as she was, she didn't understand why daddy had stumbled a little in his stride towards the house when he laid his eyes on Captain America after five years.
Five years.
God, had it really been five years?
He had been married, he’d had a child. Domesticity. All the above.
Even an Alpaca.
Wow.
Laughing lightly, Tony looked the picture over again, his chest squeezing at the stoic expression on Steve’s face getting out of that sheek, black car.
But damn, it had to be a crime against mankind to look as good as Steve did.
“Tony?”
Shit.
The picture hopefully dissolved before Pepper saw.
“Hey, Pep. Just about to come up. Had a few things to rummage through, you know, after I basically did what no-one in this world could do. Well, besides Bruce, but he screwed it up, so it doesn’t matter. I win. I so win.”
He was rambling, and that was always a sign that there was something crashing around in his mind.
Pepper knew this.
“Tony? I know we talked earlier about you going tomorrow. But, there’s something else isn’t there?”
Silence.
Pepper was eyeing him, observing his expressions, watching as he paced in front of his table.
“Just a little…paranoid? I guess you could say.” Tony answered, steeling his nerves, Pepper could see right through him most times. He really hoped this was not one of those times.
Sighing, Pepper tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
Silence.
“Just tell me what it is, Tony. Please?”
He couldn’t. How could he tell this woman, who had stood beside him for near fifteen years that he might have feelings for a man, who had beat him, then left him out of commission in a bunker?
“I don’t want you to have to worry about anything if I tell you, Pep. It’s just…honestly nothing. Just a fleeting thought, really.”
Liar.
Pepper raised an eyebrow.
“If it was nothing, you would have told me by now.” She said to him, unimpressed with his lackadaisical excuse.
Tony shut his eyes, taking a deep breath in.
“It’s Steve, that’s all. You know how he gets under my skin.” He said flippantly, shrugging his shoulders, feigning annoyance towards the other male.
Pepper shut her eyes, sighing.
Yeah, she knew all about Steve, and how her husband of five years was in love with him.
When he had shown up here today, Pepper had seen it all from the window. She had seen Steve emerge from the car, looking handsome as ever, and how his eyes were immediately locked on Tony. She had seen Tony waver with Morgan when he finally saw Steve.
She wasn’t blind, it was insulting that Tony honestly thought she didn't know.
For a long time, she wasn’t sure if Steve’s feelings towards Tony were mutual.
She had figured it out when Tony had gotten back from space, when Steve darted past everybody to be by Tony’s side. When he clutched the rail thin man to his side as if he’d disappear, like everyone else had.
She saw it when she wrapped Tony in her arms, and her eyes caught the expression on Steve’s face.
Jealousy, and longing.
She wanted to weep, because she knew if Tony knew that Steve felt the same way for him as he did for that man, he would have a hard time carrying on with their marriage.
Was that selfish of her?
Probably.
It left bile in the back of her throat.
She wasn’t that person, but her and Tony had built a life together, with their daughter, with that stupid Alpaca in the back yard.
It wasn’t fair, it was never smooth sailing with Tony, he always had his eye on something else in the distance.
That person had always been Steve. She had lost to him a long time ago, as soon as he entered the picture.
And she knew it when all Tony could ever whine about was Steve and his superiority complex. His stoicism that drove Tony insane, and his physique that the Greek Gods would weep over.
Many times, when he was passed out at his bench in the workshop, after the war between him and Steve, she would find him clutching that flip phone to his chest, his eyebrows furrowed.
There was even an occasion where Tony mumbled Steve’s name while sleeping, and that…that was horrible for Pepper.
The first few times, Pepper wanted to confront him. She wanted to understand his reasoning behind keeping that stupid phone by his side 24/7, but she had known. She just wanted the anger to lean on.
Over time, she just swallowed it, and shoved it back in her heart. Chances were, Steve would not come back, and she wouldn’t have to worry about Tony looking at him like he hung the moon.
It hurt.
Hurts even more now, knowing that Steve feels the same towards her husband.
Flashback:
Tony was lowered into the sickbay bed, and Pepper was frantically checking his pulse point, feeling the heady beat beneath her fingertips.
He was alive, just physically exhausted, and emotionally drained.
Sighing heavily, she collapsed in the chair beside the bed.
About twenty minutes later, a soft knock brought her head around.
Steve.
He was honestly not who she wanted to see right now.
“I’m sorry to disturb you ma’am, I just wanted to see if he was alright. We, uh, we’re about to leave.”
Pepper acknowledged his words, smiling tightly.
“He’s been out since he’s been in here, Steve. Over exhausted, near starving, dehydrated. And it certainly wasn’t helpful that he was bombarded with questions as soon as he stepped back onto earth, after nearly dying in space.”
She saw him cringe out of her peripherals, feeling a small twinge of guilt for putting Tony’s situation entirely on him.
“I’m really sorry, Ms. Potts. I should have kept my mouth shut until he felt better.”
Pepper wasn’t going to agree, Steve knew how she felt.
“But, uh, I wanted to give this to you, before we left. Tony, he, well he got really upset, took it off his chest and shoved it in my hand. I didn’t want to misplace it, he might like it back when he gets up.”
Pepper looked at what he held.
The arc reactor.
Her blood froze and the lights around her dimmed.
She knew Tony's reasoning behind that damn reactor. Intimately. Proof Tony Stark has a heart.
It was almost mocking her now.
Reaching her hand out, she felt tears flood her eyes, fingers shaking as they brushed over Steve’s, his own fingers gripping the reactor as if it were a lifeline.
Once it was somewhat in Peppers hand, she heard Steve suck in a breath, and she moved her eyes to look at him fully.
He looked like he was in pain, his throat muscles bobbing with emotion, nostrils flaring.
Once he felt her eyes on him though, his cheeks heated, and he shuffled his feet, clenching his eyes shut.
“I know.” Pepper said, choking back a sob.
Steve snapped his eyes open, looking at her with a horrified expression. The room was silent, save for the beeping of Tony’s machines.
Swallowing again, Steve’s eyes darted to the still form of the man in the bed.
“I’m sorry.” He mumbled, turning around quickly, darting out of the room.
End of flashback
“Pepper? Are you okay? You spaced out for awhile.”
The blonde haired woman just looked him over, nodding at something that only she knew.
The feelings of jealousy halted, and Pepper stood up, smoothing out her flannel night shirt.
“I’m heading to bed, Tony. Don’t stay down here too long. Big day tomorrow, and you are having breakfast with Morgan before you go, correct?”
Tony eyed her in speculation, but nodded his head towards her question.
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world, Pep.” He stated, smiling.
Turning to leave, Pepper stopped at the doorway.
“You are happy here,Tony, right?” She questioned, swallowing around the fear that gripped her esophagus.
It wasn’t what he said that would wound her, it was his expression when he said it.
He blinked rapidly, cracking his knuckles nervously.
“Why are you asking me that?” He responded.
Pepper smiled timidly, and shrugged.
Her hands were shaking though, but she didn’t want him to see.
The feared expression she was waiting on, definitely came. It wasn’t that of unhappiness, it was one of…discomfort.
She knew Tony loved this life, he wore a smile every day.
But, she also knew that he needed to be needed in this world, in order to find some kind of peace. He still found himself to blame over Stark Industries weapon making, and the deaths that followed because of the dirty deals.
It pained her to see him on a bad day.
Morgan had really helped with his happiness, everything their daughter did brought a smile to his face. It also helped that she was so damn intelligent, and would be right up there with her father in a few years time.
He had built his first circuit board at four. Pepper wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t produce one soon herself.
It made her heart soar to see them together.
But, Tony was Iron Man, and he would always be Iron Man, no matter what suit he adorned.
And Pepper knew, it was only a matter of time before he put back on that suit, and stood beside Steve Rogers again.
A small part of her hated Steve.
And ached for what he didn’t know he possessed.
For what Pepper herself did not fully possess, and likely never would.
And it wasn’t because Tony didn’t love Pepper, she knew he did. He had told her time and time again, but there was always something she couldn’t put her finger on, something that she was missing that he wasn’t giving.
Until she met Steve.
And watched them together.
Watched as Steve pulled Tony off that ship and braced Tony against him, holding his weight, clutching his back. Heard as Tony said he needed Steve, but he wasn’t there for him.
She had to leave at that statement.
Steve brought a sense of self to Tony Stark. He brought understanding. They were totally different men, with different outlooks on near everything. But, their end goal was the same.
Steve held him up in battle when he was falling, and they could speak without saying anything to each other.
Pepper had seen this only once, when Steve was staying in the tower after Shield had fallen.
They were working on Steve’s suit, orchestrating a safer, and more diligent management of the shield, and getting it in Steve’s hand faster.
Flashback:
“Tony. I don’t need anything fancy, okay?” Steve was saying to the shorter man, the geniuses hands flying over the animations that hung in front of him.
“Yeah, yeah.” He muttered to the other male.
Steve just looked at him sternly, huffing.
Pepper stood in the doorway and watched, staying out of their sight for a few moments.
“Cap, listen, do you really want to be chasing your shield around in battle? What if it goes over a cliff or something? You gonna be jumping after it?”
Steve scowled, jutting his chin out.
“Really?! Cap, seriously? If I ever see you throw yourself off a cliff for your damn shield, I’m not catching you. Understand?”
Steve chuckled, shoving his shoulder into Tony’s.
Pepper felt a jab of unease roll over her, but continued to watch the two men.
“Okay. I think I can get on board with these sensors then.” Steve said, leaning into the table to be closer to the shield projections. Wordlessly, he pointed to a stabilizing area in his cuff and Tony nodded, mumbling something to the blonde.
Steve eyed more of the projection, pushing the shield around, pointing at the center, Tony nodding his head.
This continued for five minutes before either one of them spoke.
“Okay. The sensors will be in the ends of your uniform, by your wrists. A certain movement will activate them. And the other half of the sensor will be in the middle of the shield, expanding out to where you’d usually have the straps. Does that sound alright with you, Captain Demanding?”
Steve smirked at the man, nodding. Standing up straight, he clutched Tony’s shoulder, shaking it lightly, turning away a second later.
Pepper watched as he walked to the elevator, not seeing her at the other door.
Tony however, did not notice her, he was looking down at the spot where Steve had touched him.
His eyes closed, and an almost pained look on his face.
End of Flashback
Pepper shook her head, clearing her thoughts, the events of the past making her stomach hurt.
“I’m going to bed Tony, I was only curious. I’m happy, you know? These years of just having you around have been wonderful. You know that right?”
Tony nodded emphatically, reaching out and grabbing her hand, squeezing her fingers.
“It’s been wonderful for me too, Pep.” He said, and God she wanted to believe him, truly. But, there was the same pass over his eyes that told her that he needed more.
Letting go of his hand, Pepper turned away and left the room.
Before ascending the stairs, she looked back at the glass walls, and saw Tony standing there, hands clenched at his sides.
Tony watched his wife walk away, feeling as if he had missed something.
She wasn’t telling him something.
Had she seen what he was looking at before she had entered the room?
He really hoped not. There was no explaining that.
Rubbing his temples, he looked around the room again.
“Friday. Shut everything down, I’m going to bed.”