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The stars above them glimmer and sparkle as the sounds of Noc at night fills the air with the cool summer breeze blowing through their hair. The moon is full and shining, lighting up the entire night sky with its light. For most people but this lone Guardian on a roof this quiet evening is peaceful. This Guardian’s night was for all intensive purposes, peaceful too. No surprise attacks, no recent losses, no walls falling down or near universe ending disasters. Internally though their night was anything but serene.
“I don’t want to go back Zol…”
Inside their mind is a raging ocean battered by a thunderous storm with their calm exterior as the small boat just trying to stay upright. Ten can slowly feel the water overtaking their small boat, the water starting to fill it up faster and faster as more washes over. Their breathing comes out shakier with each exhale and their chest feels like it constricting ever so much tighter.
“I know Ten, and I thought we wouldn’t have to go back after we killed Oryx. I promised the moon was done, but well um, I was wrong.”
“Please don’t make me go back. It was hard enough then...I just...I don’t want to see it up close again.”
Their stomach coils and the feeling of nausea slips up their throat. The bright beautiful mind above them looks like a disgusting scar in the night sky. Ten turns their head to the side and closes their eyes tightly. Their skin is crawling and they swear they can feel the dust of the moon on their face again. Clammy hands press against tightly shut eyes and they can still hear the absolute silence around them intermixed with the static from their radio. In the static are the frantic and pained screams of their fellow Guardians. Of their sisters. They think they’re kneeling. They have no clue anymore. Dust flies around them and into their throat. Coughing, they’re coughing. They can’t breathe! They can’t-
“Ten! Take deep breaths with me, please.”
Zol. They don’t trust their eyes to not open to the blood covered surface of the moon, to not see the bodies of their comrades destroyed and lightless. Cold metal presses to their cheek and it could be that knight’s sword before it comes down on them. Are they about to die? What is after this for them?
“TEN!” Something slams into their chest and the pain makes their eyes open. They aren’t on the moon. They are starting to fall off of their own roof and as they fall just past the edge their hand snatches onto it.
Dark green eyes look up to see their dear friend, their little light, Zol floating above them with his shell whiring with worried sounds. The pieces of metal rotating and spinning rapidly. Breathing fast they hoist their shaking body up over the edge and back onto an at least semi solid place. What happened? They were on the roof and then they were back-
“Deep breaths,” Zol softly instructs them and they give a nod.
In, out. In and out. Deep full breaths with their eyes wide open. They look down at the roof, no longer feeling comfortable to look at the inky black stars. The void between them is calling, saying to try to fix the problems they are facing with their bow of its light. Ten wishes it could be that easy. Tether their issues together and take them out all in one fell swoop. Just not realistic.
“You’re on your houses roof right now sitting down next to me. We aren’t wherever your brain took you. We are safe. No one is in danger right now.”
Tears well in their eyes and a hand rises to cover their mouth to make sure the sobs they know are coming are quieted. Come they do. The tears start slowly. One at a time then the dam breaks and Ten’s shoulders shake as they sob into their hand. They don’t want to go back again. Oryx was different. Oryx was life or death. He was a direct threat to their home with his Taken, he was a direct threat to the solar system as a whole. Eris says their old enemies are back, but there are younger and braver guardians than them. There is the hero of the Red War, there are the Guardians who have bested the Leviathan and defeated Riven.
“Why me?” They ask through the tears with a voice cracked and raw.
“...You’re one of the few to go to the moon, multiple times, and survive. You dealt with Oryx, you helped get Crota’s soul and came out alive. You’ve lived for centuries and are one of the best scouts they have. They didn’t say you had to fight, just scout and figure out what’s going on.”
“But what about-”
“They asked for you Ten.”
Ten looks away and grits their teeth. They don’t want to go back, please, please don’t make them Zol.
“There are others who could do it, stronger Guardians. Guardians more devoted to the Vanguard and city proper.”
“Do you trust the Vanguard to listen to them?”
Ten turns to their ghost with red eyes and tears and snot dripping down their face. Their eyes are full of fury and pain and a deep sadness. “They didn’t listen to me the first time! Look what happened then. Look what we lost!”
“Isn’t that exactly the reason it should be you?! You experienced-”
“We both experienced that hell, that loss.”
“...we did. Which is why it hurts for me to tell you we need to go back Ten. I don’t want...I don’t want any of that again. I don’t want to see you hurt like that again. But how many dead Guardians are you willing to risk for your selfish need to not see the moon again?”
Zol feels sick uttering those words. Yes it was selfish of Ten, but not without reason. Not when they woke up some nights not knowing where they were, to lost in their nightmares of the screams of thrall and Guardian alike. It feels like he is taking his shell and jamming it straight into their heart.
“...I…” Ten just stares at him with owlish eyes, stunned into silence. Their expression morphs and twists into one filled with pain, and hurt, and the look of feeling utterly betrayed. Zol was there with them, he was there. They close their eyes are fresh tears roll down their cheeks.
“Would Thalmo and Echo-3 want you to use them as excuses to not do the right thing?”
Zol just twists that knife deeper and he knows he’s convinced them. He can’t find joy from that. He isn’t sorry, which makes him feel even more ill, but he still can’t find joy from his success.
“...Tell the Vanguard I’ll do it..”
Then Ten is jumping off the roof and land with a soft thud on the stone streets below them.. They are stalking off to anywhere but that roof. Anywhere but where Zol is right now. Zol just watches them leave. The ties that have bound them together for centuries are cracking, he can feel that now as his single eye stares at their fading form. He’s damaged it possibly beyond repair. He will have to live with that. Because this is the right choice to make. It has to be.