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So Many [Prop-Tony] Tropes, So Little Time

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Apparently some folks have crafted an AU where Tony not only refuses to help with the time heist, he lectures about how it's the best thing for everyone. (Because, of course, he got his "second chance.") What if someone who has nothing left to lose decides that Tony, too, should feel the ache of loss?

***

Tony woke up in his usual chair. It was dark and quiet. He asked, "What time is it?"

Friday didn't answer. But Clint said, "Too late."

Tony tried to activate his emergency gauntlet, but when he looked down his watch wasn't on his wrist. He quickly checked and found that none of his equipment was on him or within reach. He said, "So...Legolas. Long time, no...see."

Clint said, "You know, I figured out a while ago how to kill you. When I was locked up on the Raft, listening to Wanda whimper every time that shock collar zapped her. After you told Ross about my family out of spite."

Tony swallowed and darted his eyes around the room. He couldn't see Barton anywhere.

Clint continued, "That was the first time you betrayed my family. I heard about the latest incident. You got your second chance, so you won't even TRY to help get everybody back."

Tony sat up and declared, "Thanos happened. People need to accept their losses and move the hell on with their lives."

Clint chuckled and said, "Well, Tony, you're going to get to practice what you preach."

Tony froze and asked, "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Clint replied, "It means you now have a loss to accept. Two actually."

Tony leapt out of the chair and yelled, "What the hell did you do?"

Clint seemed to ignore the question. He said, "You know what I've been doing these last five years? I've been making sure that the bad people Thanos left behind can't hurt anyone else. I'm probably the best assassin still out there."

Tony gasped and fell back into his seat. He said, "You didn't---"

"No, I didn't," Clint confirmed. He continued, "Morgan and Pepper are starting new lives in another part of the world. So Morgan and Pepper are fine, and they'll continue to be fine---on one condition."

Tony asked, "What's the deal?"

Clint answered, "That they're dead to you. You never have contact again. You never know where they are, what they're doing, who they're becoming without you. Nothing. Ever."

Tony nodded and said, "Fine." He was already planning his search parameters. Friday would figure out where they'd been moved and...

Clint's voice seemed to sound right in Tony's ear as Clint said, "Don't even think about trying to find them on the sly, Tony. I know exactly how you operate. There are no second chances here. I'm probably saving their lives. Heads up, I'm not the only one who knows you can help and refuse to. And those guys, they don't usually let witnesses live."

Clint took a breath and said, "Funny how it works out. Thanos is dead. You're the only one I got left to punish, but I'm still saving innocent lives from your mistakes. So accept your loss and move the hell on with your life. I'll be watching."

When Tony turned to look, no one was there. He said, "Lights!"

In the bright cabin he couldn't find any sign that Clint had ever been there. Tony gulped and said, "Friday, track Barton. He can't have gotten far."

Friday said, "Clint Barton's whereabouts are unknown. He is not on the premises. Boss, no one's been here in the last 24 hours except you."

Tony frowned and said, "Pepper and Morgan?"

"Pepper Potts is no longer employed by Stark Industries, boss. No one with first or last name Morgan is associated with Stark Industries."

A chill went down Tony's spine. If Barton could do this to Friday...he couldn't risk looking for Pepper or Morgan. Ever.

Tony let his head fall into his hands as he listened to the quiet. And wondered if this was how half the world felt the moment after the Snap.

Chapter Text

Apparently prop-Tony folks now suggest that Pepper would have Team Cap arrested at the funeral, or threaten and lecture them. This doesn't make sense, because TONY is the one who holds grudges. Pepper would have destroyed Tony years ago if she was the same kind of person. So instead, let's see what Pepper is really up to while Morgan and Happy are having their cheeseburger chat.

***

Pepper stopped under the trees and thought about what she'd overheard. Dr. Strange explaining to Peter Parker how Tony brought all of this on himself had brought a sense of relief that she didn't know she needed until she felt it.

A light, warm touch on her shoulder had her turning to stare at Steve Rogers. She could easily see the concern in his blue eyes.

He gestured toward Strange and Peter and asked, "Did you hear that?"

Pepper nodded and replied, "Is it horrible to say it makes me feel less guilty?"

Steve shook his head and said, "You deserve whatever peace you can find."

She smiled a little at that and said, "It was kind of you all to come---I know how much he hurt some of you."

Steve shrugged and said, "There's not much we can do, except be here for Morgan and you. And let you know you're not alone."

Pepper felt her eyes fill with tears as she slid into Steve's embrace. She murmured into his shoulder all her doubts and fears. Pepper let herself lean on Steve and grieve until she felt strong enough to move on.

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It seems as though Morgan (or whatever the OC kid the writer comes up with) holds an unfounded grudge as well as Tony. Even though it's decades later, Morgan (or the OC kid) goes after Team Cap, but there's never a valid reason. Tony broke up the Avengers, Tony refused to call for help, Tony refused to turn around the ship...so there's nothing to blame Team Cap for. Let's look at a more realistic reason Morgan may seek out a member of Team Cap.

***

Steve shifted on his knees in the dirt to reach the next row of plants. He carefully snipped each rose that was just about to bloom and set it in the bucket of water beside him. Now and then he paused to take a sniff of a flower, remembering his special lady.

Morgan Stark, now 16, stood at the edge of the garden with her arms folded. She said, "I want to talk to you."

Steve sat back and considered his visitor. He was tempted to say, "Well, with that attitude maybe I don't want to talk to you." But he didn't. Instead he pushed himself to his feet and dusted off the knees of his worn jeans. He waved her to a nearby bench and asked, "What about?"

Morgan flung herself onto the seat with a scowl. She said, "Everyone's lying to me."

Steve frowned and asked, "About what?"

She replied, "About my dad. Mom and Happy and Uncle Rhodey go on and on about how great Dad was. And yeah, that's the way I remember him. But that's when I was a kid."

Steve sat next to Morgan and turned to face her as he asked, "And now?"

Morgan shifted on the bench and bit her lip. Then she said, "And now I want to know the truth. I've been---you know how Dad left that message right before he..."

"Yes," Steve answered as he gently touched Morgan's shoulder.

Morgan nodded and continued, "Well, turns out Dad had Jarvis and Friday record everything that happened anywhere he was. And I found the recordings."

Steve didn't know what to say to that, so he kept quiet.

"They're---God, he was AWFUL," Morgan said as she ran her hands through her dark hair. She continued, "He said such mean things to people and about them. He didn't care what anybody said or thought, HE had to be right. And when he was wrong...he got WORSE. He blamed everyone for things HE did. And now I KNOW. Now I know what he was really like but he's still my dad and I don't know...I don't know what to do."

Steve gathered Morgan up in a hug as she started to cry. He asked, "What do you want to do? Do you want to forget you ever saw those recordings?"

"No," Morgan said as she sat up and wiped her eyes. She continued, "No, I don't want to lie to myself."

Steve smiled as he realized that Morgan was more Pepper's daughter than Tony's. Pepper had always preferred honesty. He said, "Then I guess the only thing to do is figure out the truth. And maybe that truth is sometimes your dad was a real creep, but you still love him and he still loved you."

Morgan nodded and said, "I was hoping maybe you could help me understand. 'Cause it seems like even after everything he did to you and the others, you still were...kind to him. And I think that maybe that's something I need to learn how to do."

"All right," Steve said as he stood. He waved toward the flowers and continued, "But I've still go chores to do. So help me cut some more flowers---and watch out for the thorns."

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So, apparently another prop-Tony writer has decided to ignore the events of Age of Ultron and Civil War to pretend Team Cap would be shuffled off to Asgard by T'Challa and treated like unruly children by the Asgardians. It's truly ridiculous. Not only would the Asgardians be supremely unimpressed by "tiny, petty" Tony, but they would NEVER allow him to be part of any negotiations over the Accords. Besides the fact that there WERE no amendments, Tony's a known Oathbreaker---in Age of Ultron when he betrayed Thor by saying he was only going to study the scepter while he was instead using it to build Ultron. And again in Civil War, when he signed the Accords and broke them three times in the course of the film. Heimdall sees all, so let's see Heimdall show Tony who he really is.

***

Tony strutted along the corridors behind the warrior who had introduced himself as Heimdall. He glanced at the G-Men and Women behind him, then looked around at the empty spaces and said, "Got to say, not impressed by the welcome committee of one. I thought you people were all about the grand gestures and hospitality."

Heimdall looked over his shoulder and said, "Thor and the All-Father wanted to prepare an appopriate reception for you and your former brothers- and sisters-in-arms. They arrived only an hour ago."

"Yeah, make sure you keep an eye on THEM. They've gone rogue and who knows what they'll do if they're left unguarded. Those ungrateful bast---after ALL I did for them, they treated me like DIRT. Let me tell you---"

"I think you should save your complaints for the All-Father," Heimdall said. He gestured to the guards to open the doors to the throne room.

When Tony got into the room, his jaw dropped. Cap and the others were standing as a unit off to one side. They were dressed in Asgardian fighting clothes and armor, but all of them looked worn down and still recovering from their injuries. The witch swayed on her feet, pale and leaning on Clint.

Barnes wasn't in the group, but T'Challa was. That traitor, he was supposed to kick Captain Stuck Up's little crew out of Wakanda. Not JOIN them. Tony asked, "What the hell?"

Thor stepped out from the back of Cap's group and stood before the One-Eyed Wonder that must be Odin. Thor frowned at Tony and said, "Why are you here? Your government disregarded the All-Father's instructions on who to send for these negotiations."

Tony shrugged and said, "You got your lawyers and your pencil-pushers. Plus me, of course. The head of the Avengers---the REAL Avengers, not these rejects."

The All-Father's eye drifted over the group behind Tony. He said, "We will consider what answer this insult from Earth deserves. You deliver an Oathbreaker to speak for your people."

The murmurs behind Tony warned him that the suits were upset. He crossed his arms and again asked, "What the hell?"

Thor nodded as he said, "All of Asgard knows that you played me false and used Loki's scepter when you claimed you would do no more than study it."

He looked straight at Tony and continued, "You are a liar who cannot be trusted."

Tony squawked and said, "That was YEARS ago---"

"That was DAYS ago," Heimdall said as he stepped forward. He continued, "I see all, and I have seen you, Anthony Edward Stark. I saw you sign the Sokovia Accords. I saw you break them, with no hesitation and no remorse. YOU are a liar who cannot be trusted, then and now."

Tony pointed at Cap and shouted, "So is he! He LIED to me about my parents' murders---"

"We have discussed that matter with the Captain," Odin said. He continued, "Heimdall did not see a lie. Your captain did not know that the one called the Winter Soldier committed the deed. He did not tell you of the rumors surrounding your parents' deaths, yes. An omission and a failing. But not a lie and NOT the breaking of his word."

Tony scoffed and said, "You're all on HIS side."

Thor nodded and said, "Yes. Because Steven has proved himself worthy."

When Thor lifted Mjolnir, Tony froze. He watched as Thor walked over to Cap and held out the magic hammer. Thor said, "I KNOW you are worthy of Asgard's respect and Earth's trust. Now you must prove it."

Cap frowned and glanced around the room. Tony held his breath as Cap reached out and accepted the hammer, easily lifting it into the air.

Tony shook his head. He KNEW Cap couldn't lift that hammer. He said, "It's a trick. You couldn't budge the thing, same as everyone else."

Thor shook his head as Cap gently handed Mjolnir back to Thor. Thor said, "No, I saw him move it and stop. At the time it...concerned me, and I was glad Steven stopped before lifting it for all to see. But now I am proud to have such a worthy friend."

Tony barely noticed when two guards came to flank him. As they gripped Tony's arms, Odin said, "We banish the Oathbreaker from Asgard."

Odin gestured at the government group and continued, "But we will allow the negotiations to commence. Select someone to accompany the liar back to Earth and proclaim all you have seen here. And remember: We will be watching."

As Tony turned to leave, he saw other Asgardians escorting away Wanda and Sam. Probably to the hospital.

He shuddered as he began to walk to the launch point. He wasn't sure what exactly would happen when the suit spilled the beans back on Earth. But Tony thought that maybe, he'd deserve it.

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You can tell the prop-Tony folks don't understand that he's one of the most privileged characters of the MCU (along with being the most obnoxious). In this trope, the Avengers watch the Iron Man films and are supposed to pity Tony because he's a poor, misunderstood woobie who's suffered SO MUCH. But what would the others REALLY think of Tony's actions in his films? (I list Civil War as an Iron Man film, because Tony had the same amount of screen time as the title character and way more lines and focus.)

***

Tony lounged in a recliner to the side of the big screen TV he'd set up for this special screening of the events of his life. He KNEW once the other Avengers realized how much he'd SUFFERED, they'd stop being mad at him for demanding they sign away their human rights with the Accords.

As the final image faded, Carol Danvers sat up straight and looked at the others. She shook her head and asked, "Is this for real? Did Stark really treat women that horribly ALL THE TIME? Even that poor kid's widowed aunt?"

Natasha rolled her eyes and said, "You saw how he treated me when I was hired undercover---and how he put Pepper in danger."

Sam's brow was furrowed as he said, "Man, that's criminal...Stark spent 17 YEARS not caring where his weapons went?"

Wanda clenched her fists and said, "We know that some of them went to Sokovia." Vision and Clint rested comforting hands on her shoulders.

Rhodey shook his head and said, "And he blackmailed that poor Spider Kid when he was 14. I swear, I didn't know that my team had a child soldier."

Scott said, "I can't wrap my head around the fact that he's kept everything for HIMSELF. Like, why are we still using coal and oil when there could be arc reactors? I've never even heard of one anywhere except at Stark's own properties."

Bruce sighed and said, "I know he's my friend, but right now I can't actually say I like him that much. What was his problem with that Hammer guy? Why behave like a bully and mock the guy for not being as smart or successful? It really makes you think..."

Steve nodded and said, "It's really a shame. Tony had a horrible few months in the desert. That kind of thing strips you down to your core. It's supposed to change your life. But for Tony, the only difference is that he stopped SELLING weapons and now doesn't drink as much. He's still as thoughtless and uncaring about how his words and actions affect other people."

As Tony snuck away, he heard Thor grimly say, "No wonder Mjolnir never found him worthy."

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This is one of those classic "X props Tony" tropes, even when X is known for hating the attitudes and actions that people like Tony exhibit. So pretending that the Doctor would be Team Iron Man is laughable. Let's see how she'd really react. (I'm going to use 13 and her team because they actually just dealt with an egomaniacal rich guy in their latest season.)

***

Yaz stepped out of the Tardis carrying a small glowing box. She looked at the lake and the house. She said, "This looks nice. Not at all like half the population got snapped away by a crazy person."

Ryan followed her and said, "You know how it is. Rich white blokes, they make sure the bad things don't happen to them. Or at least they never have to look at the mess."

Graham nodded as he said, "It's a shame this Earth has it so bad. I'm glad we can do something about it."

The Doctor stepped out and locked the Tardis. She said, "I'm glad we were able to make the jump to help fix things. And OF COURSE we will." She shook her head and continued, "Who would think I'd ever think it was a good idea to kill half a universe?"

Yaz turned and asked, "So what are we going to do?"

The Doctor was using her sonic screwdriver to open a side door. She said, "Well, while that jammer you're holding keeps the computer on "pause" and Ryan and Graham keep an eye out, I'm going to program a few suggestions into the computer's design program. See, the people who are trying to fix things on this planet need a little technical help. They'd get it right by themselves eventually, but we need to speed things up a bit. So we're making sure that the person who lives here thinks he solved the puzzle."

Graham chuckled and asked, "Got a bit of an ego, has he?"

Ryan frowned and asked, "Why not just help the folks who are actually interested in saving everyone?"

The Doctor looked up and said, "Because this person MUST be involved. He MUST be on the final battlefield. There's only one way this universe is safe, so we have to make sure things go according to plan."

She didn't mention what this universe's Time Stone had already revealed: That this universe wouldn't be safe unless both Thanos AND Tony Stark were dead. She said, "Come on, Yaz. We'll be just a tick."

The Doctor programmed Friday to make certain alterations to Tony's designs to result in a functioning "time GPS." She also walked over to the sink and moved the photo with Peter to the exact spot to be splashed.

Yaz asked, "Why're you doing that?"

The Doctor shook her head and said, "This man doesn't care about the world at large. So we have to remind him that there were people he knew who disappeared."

Yaz frowned and said, "Ugh, he sounds worse than that bloke with the spiders."

The Doctor locked up the house and unlocked the Tardis. She'd done all she could. She said, "Believe me, HE IS."

Chapter Text

More evidence of prop-Tony folks' delusions. Apparently because they feel bitter and hateful because Team Cap was right about the Accords, they pretend Team Cap is bitter and hateful toward Tony and kidnap Peter for revenge. Or for money, which is even more stupid. TONY is the one who is shown as petty, vengeful, and selfish. Let's see what an actual encounter between Peter and Team Cap would be like.

***

The quiet knock on Peter's door startled him out of cramming for his calculus final. He looked up and called, "Come in, May." She must have gotten home earlier than she expected.

The door opened and Peter gasped. Captain America and Black Widow walked into the room, both of them in hoodies and jeans and WOW they were actually in his room. Peter said, "Uh, hi. I, uh---"

Black Widow smirked and said, "Long time, no see."

Cap stepped forward and said, "We're here to warn you."

Peter scrambled up and said, "Someone's in danger?"

Widow nodded and said, "Yeah, kid---you. Keep your head down and your crime-fighting quiet, or you could end up someplace very nasty."

Peter asked, "You saying you want me to stop?"

Cap snorted and shared a look with Widow. He said, "It would be great if you waited until you were actually old enough to vote---or drive." He smiled and continued, "But I have a feeling that you're not the kind to look away when something bad is happening."

Peter looked down and nodded.

Widow walked up to him and said, "Then you MUST be careful. Thanks to the Accords, if Thaddeus Ross catches you, you'll disappear into an underwater prison for enhanced. No due process, no trial. You'll just be gone."

Peter's eyes widened as he said, "But that's..."

Cap nodded and said, "That's wrong, but that's what the Accords allow. So..."

Widow pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to Peter. She said, "These are the addresses of a few local safehouses if you ever need to hide. And the phone numbers of a few people you can trust not to turn you in."

Peter took the paper and looked up at them. He said, "I'm really sorry for...for everything." He was beginning to think he should be sorry for believing Mr. Stark without checking the facts. These Accords...they sounded pretty horrible.

Cap stepped forward and put a hand on Peter's shoulder. He said, "We're sorry too. You should NEVER have been at the airport. We didn't know there was a kid in the fight."

"Only Mr. Stark knew," Peter said as he remembered Mr. Stark making the comment about not knowing Peter's age. It looked like Mr. Stark had been lying to his own team as well as Peter.

He took a deep breath and said, "Thank you."

The two heroes smiled at him before leaving him with a lot to think about.

Chapter Text

This is another trope that shows prop-Tony folks don't actually watch the films. Tony had beaten Bucky to the point he was barely conscious and couldn't move---Steve had to help Bucky stand. Remember, Tony lasered off Bucky's arm, which was connected to his brain just like a flesh limb. Then Tony shot Bucky in the back and kicked him in the head with an armored boot. But in this trope, Bucky stays in Siberia to "face the consequences." And inevitably props Tony. (And often ends up in a relationship with him. Why punish Bucky like that? Hasn't the poor man suffered enough?) Let's revisit the bunker to see just how impossible this trope would be.

***

Tony stared at Barnes laying on the concrete floor of the bunker. He wasn't moving. Had Tony---Had he actually MURDERED the man?

He could only admit to himself how relieved he was when Cap reached down and pulled Barnes up. As Cap wrapped Barnes' arm---Barnes' only remaining arm, thanks to Tony---around his shoulder, Tony frowned. Barnes should stay here, to face Tony and apologize for killing Tony's parents while under the mind control of Hydra after 70 years of torture in the scary chair in the other room. Because what is 70 years of torture and brain washing and almost being beaten to death compared to Tony's hurt feelings? Yeah, Barnes should stick around and go into shock from all the arm trauma and the head trauma so Tony can rant at him and then graciously forgive him. All while Tony never admits he was wrong to, you know, try to commit murder. Especially when he was trying to murder Barnes to punish Cap for siding with his old war buddy instead of the billionaire who insulted Cap every time they met and refused to listen to Cap but whatever. Barnes should have stayed. Then he would have OF COURSE fallen in love with Tony and they could have joined forces to hate and mock Cap.

But noooooo...Barnes had to go get medical treatment somewhere away from the guy who tried to murder him. Wimp.

Tony watched Cap take his friend and his shield and the certainty that at least CAP wasn't a murderous, immature bastard and head out without even a glance at Tony.

Well, at least Tony could be petty enough to make sure Cap didn't get to take EVERYTHING. Tony would make sure HE kept the shield at least.

But when Cap dropped the shield with a shrug and not even a look back, Tony spat blood and admitted he was nothing but a spiteful manchild who STILL didn't get his way.

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How sick do you have to be to take innocent children and twist them into villains who would take revenge on Team Cap for Tony's death? Especially when Tony's death was Tony's own fault. It's creepy. And makes no sense, when you consider how horribly Tony treated both Harley and Peter. Let's look at their more likely conversation at the funeral.

***

"Hey," Peter said as he moved to stand next to the other young man at the funeral. "Um, I guess you knew Mr. Stark too?"

The young man looked over at Peter and said, "I don't know if I'd say that. I met him once 10 years ago."

Peter frowned and said, "Oh. I guess it must have been a memorable meeting."

The young man shrugged and said, "He called me a pussy for missing my dad, used my stuff and ate my food. I thought we had a connection, but he just flew off afterward. Left me a shed full of stuff, but what's stuff, you know?"

Peter nodded. He REALLY understood the whole "shower you with presents until Mr. Stark gets what he wants, then he disappears" routine. "Sounds kind of like what happened to me. Got stuff, did him a favor, only saw him when he got mad or needed help. And then he spent most of the time yelling at me and being kind of a dick."

The young man shrugged and said, "Yeah, that does sound familiar. I can't decide whether I'm here because I miss him, or because I wanted to be sure the bastard was really gone."

"Yeah," Peter said as he thought about exactly WHAT he felt toward Mr. Stark. It certainly wasn't all good. He repeated, "Yeah, I hear you."

Chapter Text

This is one of those "It's not evil if Tony does it" tropes. Tony and Loki team up to punish Team Cap, usually for "betraying and abaondoning Tony." (The latest one pretends Tony couldn't have survived in Siberia with T'Challa RIGHT THERE, in a fully powered station and a suit that had backup generators that kicked in (started glowing) the moment the arc reactor failed. Do they realize that they make Tony look like the dumbest engineer on the planet when they do that?) Not only does this trope ignore Loki's character development, but it often also insists that Loki would fall in love with Tony "because Tony." Loki has better taste than that. Let's have him visit the bunker and see how he'd REALLY behave.

***

Tony sat up and stared at the shield on the floor. He said to himself, "You're gonna regret choosing that psycho-robot over me."

Loki materialized and said, "I doubt it."

Tony looked at the Asgardian a moment, then said, "You should be as mad at Captain Stuck-Up as I am. You could give me an assist, show all those bozos not to mess with Loki."

Loki smirked and said, "And Iron Man, of course."

Tony nodded and said, "Of course." He could already imagine the trouble the two of them could cause for Team Cap. He said, "And I bet you know exactly where all of those bastards are right at this moment."

Loki nodded and said, "Yes, I do."

Tony smirked. This was perfect. He would get back at all of them for not signing away their civil rights on Tony's say-so. There WOULD be amendments. Well, probably. Maybe. After all, he was Tony Stark. If he said it would happen, it would happen. So what if 117 countries already signed the agreement---if he told them to amend, they'd amend it. Right? Right. And Cap was wrong to ABANDON Tony here in the FROZEN WASTELAND. So what if there was still working tech and he could call for a ride and his suit had back-up power that would keep him warm. He was in MORTAL DANGER, okay? And so what if he has to use a villain to get his revenge? TOTALLY justified.

Loki walked around Tony as Loki asked, "But why would I help you? YOU were the one who insulted and taunted me during our every encounter. You were the one who attacked men who had already sheathed their weapons or fallen in battle. And YOU were the one who exposed the archer's innocent wife and children to an enemy. Even I have not stooped so low. I may find the good captain stiff and unyielding, but he has never been such a vile creature as you."

Loki lifted his hand to magic himself away, but first he said, "I would never help you, worm. In fact, I will shield---ha!---the captain's people from your primitive technology. The only way you will find them is if they want to be found by you. And of course, I'll erase all memory of this conversation so you feel the full measure of frustration. That will be MY reward."

Chapter Text

This trope is another one that's a contradiction. Prop-Tony folks can't have it both ways: Either he's an amazing genuis who easily defeats everyone, or he's the dumbest guy on the planet whose security is crap. It's always ludicrous to cast Team Cap as the villains when Tony's the actual one abusing children and committing crimes, so let's see what would REALLY happen if Morgan understood her father's refusal to help.

***

Morgan paused outside the porch. She stared at the three people talking to her dad. They seemed to be asking her dad for help. Which was a good idea---her dad was brilliant. He told her so himself.

The shorter man said, "I know you got a lot on the line. You got a wife, a daughter. But I lost someone very important to me. A lot of people did. And now, now we have a chance to bring her back. Bring everyone back. And you're telling me that you won't even..."

Tony said, "That's right, Scott, I won't even. I got a kid."

Morgan ran to her dad, who picked her up. She said, "Mommy told me to come and save you."

Before her dad could say anything, she frowned and said, "But you don't need saving. Someone else does."

She looked at the man named Scott. She asked, "Are there a lot of people who need saving?"

He smiled at her, but nodded and said, "Yes, honey, a whole lot. People have been missing for five years, and we think we can figure out a way to bring them back with your dad's help."

The red-headed woman stepped forward and said, "But he's scared what will happen. And he's scared he's going to lose you."

The blond man nodded and said, "And we understand that. So your dad can stay here with you and everything will be fine."

Morgan frowned and said, "No. Daddy would help. He's brilliant and the bestest person, he told me so."

She looked at her dad and asked, "Daddy, why won't you help them? I'm not going to get lost. I know where everything is around the lake."

Her dad bit his lip and said, "Morgan, you need to be quiet right now. The adults are talking."

He put her down and said, "Go wash your hands for lunch."

Morgan went, but at the doorway she turned to look back. The three people were leaving. Her dad wasn't going to help find all the missing people.

Maybe her dad WASN'T the bestest person. Even if he did say so.

Chapter Text

It's always funny when prop-Tony writers make Steve or Wanda the villain. Because Steve was NEVER a villain, and Wanda reformed completely in her first movie. She and Pietro saw they were wrong and mended their ways. (And paid a high price for it.) You know who acts like a real villain? Tony. He never gave more than lip service to being responsible or accountable. In Endgame he flat-out says he doesn't care about people's "precious freedoms," and then in Far From Home we find out that he built a supervillain weapon and pointed it at Earth. So instead of Wanda trying to turn Tony to evil, let's see what would really happen: Her using her powers to FINALLY make Tony understand all the harm he's caused.

***

Steve and Natasha froze as they walked into the room. Red mists of power connected Wanda and Tony. He was sitting in a chair, his face blank and eyes wide. She was standing with Vision near the windows. Vision had an arm wrapped around her shoulders.

"Wanda, what are you doing?" Steve asked as he stepped forward. He continued, "We talked about your mind powers and you agreed not to use them unless the situation was desperate."

Vision looked over and said, "I assure you, it is. I found schematics and a manufacturing schedule for a satellite filled with drone weaponry that could target anyone in the world."

Natasha said quietly, "Project Insight."

Vision nodded and said, "Even worse. He planned to use his access to the internet to spy on everyone with a phone or computer. No doubt to make finding 'the bad guys' easier."

Steve frowned and said, "I understand that Tony's plan sounds villainous and you're worried. But you should have come to Nat and me---we'd have taken care of it."

Natasha looked over at Wanda. She asked, "What are you planning on doing, Wanda? Making Tony forget how to build weapons?"

Wanda shook her head and said, "I'm going to make him REMEMBER. All of the damage his weapons have already caused. Exactly how it feels to have a Stark bomb drop out of the sky and rip apart your whole world. I'll make him live MY LIFE, and maybe THEN he'll understand that HE does not deserve to hold such power over others."

Both Steve and Natasha stepped up to add to the embrace. Steve gently said, "Wanda, please don't do that. You'll be taking away his choices and abusing your power over him. That's what TONY does. And you don't want to be like him."

Natasha looked over to Vision and asked, "Can you secure those plans---and anything else that would land Tony in jail? If he's okay with spying on everyone on the planet, he'll have to be just fine with YOU spying on HIM to keep him in check."

Tony blinked awake and looked at all the grim faces staring at him. He knew he wasn't going to like this conversation.

Chapter Text

The resurgence of this trope is funny, especially when you consider Dr. Strange made sure Tony died. The lastest one has Tony seeing "toxic team dynamics" in the Avengers after Siberia. (But apparently doesn't notice that TONY HIMSELF is the source of them.) He and Strange get together to parent Peter (ugh) and take revenge on Team Cap. It's already been confirmed that Strange would have been Team Cap and Peter has Aunt May, so let's see what Strange's real reaction would be to Tony complaining about the Avengers post-Civil War.

***

Stephen was in the middle of a meditative yoga pose when a drone hovered in front of him in his rooftop garden. He considered obliterating it with a flick of his wrist, but decided to get some info first. He relaxed to standing and lifted an eyebrow.

A voice from the drone said, "So, Doc, looking good there. Which is why I'm contacting you."

Stephen asked, "And who are you, exactly?"

The voice said, "Tony Stark. Genius, playboy, billionaire, philanthropist---and Iron Man, of course. So listen Doc, I just got back from---well, we won't go into that. But anyway, I realized that my team---my EX-team, except for my boy Rhodes and my robot Vision---are complete jerks. The whole team dynamic is TOXIC. They wouldn't sign the Accords to keep the team together. Even after I PROMISED them we'd slap some amendments on the thing so they didn't need to get their panties in a twist. Those ingrates, they..."

Stephen wondered if Stark would even notice if he went to get a cup of tea and left the drone ranting to no one. Probably not. Stephen interrupted, "And I should care why?"

Stark paused, then said, "Because I'm building a new team, and you're the top name on the list. You've got looks, smarts, and powers. We'll show those has-beens who the REAL Avengers are."

Stephen frowned and asked, "What exactly do you know about me? How do you know ANYTHING about my current life?"

The drone dipped a wing like Stark was gesturing as Stark said, "You got a phone, you got a computer. And that gives me your whole life laid out in online purchases, browser history, texts, and calls, and location trackers. Same as the Spider Kid---who will also be a great addition to the team. We can discuss co-parenting the kid after we're together a few months. So how about starting tonight? I figure after you sign up, we can have a little dinner and get to know each other. I'll preorder your favorite dinner from your favorite restaurant. You don't even have to tell me, I already know what it is. You can be here at 7 for the signing and we'll start our first date at 8."

Stephen blinked. He'd dealt with villains who had less ego and more maturity. He said, "First, I will NEVER sign the Accords. Second, I have ZERO interest in joining any team you're part of. Third, LEAVE THAT CHILD ALONE. Fourth, I would NEVER EVER be attracted to someone as corrupt and uncaring as you. I glimpsed exactly what happened in Siberia. Attacking without provocation, breaking these Accords you want everyone else to sign...the 'toxic dynamic' you speak of cannot be eliminated by a new team if YOU are still on it. YOU are the source of the conflict and the reason the conflict escalated from conversation to violence."

Stephen ended by saying, "NEVER contact me again." He flicked his wrist and the drone disintegrated to a fine powder.

He was tempted to do the same to Stark.

Chapter Text

This one's pretty ridiculous. Not only does the trope have Tony "adopting" full-grown adults like Nebula, but also Tony's actions and attitude toward Peter show that he is NOT adoptive parent material. Especially when the fics warp the "kids" into turning on Team Cap "because Tony." Let's see how Nebula feels about being "adopted."

***

Nebula watched Tony wave her over to his lounge chair. He seemed to have recovered from recent events. Nebula frowned as she recalled Rocket's description of those events on Titan, along with the recordings she had personally reviewed.

Tony said, "Hey Blue Buddy, all gassed up and ready for a new day?"

Before Nebula could decide on a response, Tony continued, "So I was thinking, you and the furball are kind of stuck here until you fix your ride. So I've got a special offer for you two---stay here with me. Not here, exactly---somewhere cooler. Away from all of these liars and losers. And, you know, away from all the problems of the...dusting."

After a pause Tony said, "I'd vouch for you so you'd get a visa or whatever so you could hang out. Hey! There's an idea---I could put in the paperwork for something official. Like I could be your new dad. I'd be WAY cooler than the last one. No Snapping anything. And I guess I could be the rat's---I mean raccoon's, um, owner. Just on paper of course. No leashes or walkies."

Nebula blinked as she re-processed all of the information.

She then said, "My implants had access to my father's network of ships. HE did not notice that his children were no longer aboard the ship sent to Earth. But I did. I watched as you humans defeated the Maw. And I watched as YOU sneered at and dismissed the youth who was instrumental in that victory. Your treatment of him was...problematic. So no, I have no interest in being 'adopted' by another old male obsessed with power and control."

Nebula solemnly said, "Thanos was not a good father. From all that I have seen...neither are you."

As she walked away, she wondered how Rocket would react to Tony's offer to "own" Rocket. She would have to remind him that Gamora and the others would NOT want Tony's blood spilled. Well, not TOO MUCH blood.

Chapter Text

Wanda and Steve seem to be the prop-Tony writers' favorite targets. It's so ironic, because Steve was never a villain, Wanda is a completely reformed villain, and Tony behaved like a villain up to the moment he died (and after). Apparently Wanda is required to forgive Tony because Yinsen did (as if they were clones). And in their poor!woobie!Tony minds, because Wanda was never shown explicity forgiving him on screen, SHE's the problem. (Completely ignoring the fact that Tony never apologized or even CARED about deaths in Sokovia until an AMERICAN died there.) This snippet is a little offbeat, because I don't think even Tony is stupid enough to believe these tropes.

***

Tony scratched his head as he watched the stranger foaming at the mouth. She was ranting about the Maximoff chick, but he was having trouble understanding her with all the snarling and growling.

The stranger said, "That Scarlet Bitch hasn't said she forgave you on screen. So she is STILL EVIL. She has to be evil to not see what a poor, innocent bystander you were in the distribution of your weapons for almost two decades while you were CEO. So what if it was a Stark bomb that killed her parents and terrorized her and her brother for days while they were at the extremely vulnerable age of 10? So what if they were left to live on the street as orphans in a war-torn country and they turned to thoughts of revenge to keep themselves from being suicidal? And so what if they thought they were joining Shield and it turned out to be Hydra? And SO WHAT if they changed their ways the moment they discovered Ultron was lying to them? You know that girl had no RIGHT to stay angry at you. Your weapons killed Yinsen's whole family. HE forgave you---why wouldn't she? EEEEVIIIIIL."

Tony said, "Well...I'm thinking that you don't really know what you're talking about. Let's start with the obvious: You do know what happens when you ASSUME, right? Ass, u, me? Did you really think the directors and producers would waste screen time showing me having a convo with that kid? Especially when my little murderbot had just offed her brother? It would be EXTREMELY awkward and not make me look good AT ALL. And why would you ASSUME she was still going full speed on the hate train? I mean, she was at the compound for YEARS. And I had to show up occasionally, if for no other reason than to see my bro Rhodey, right? And I am still alive---or I was, anyway, right? So obviously we at least had a cease fire, if not an actual truce."

Tony shook his head and continued, "And pretending that a young woman who never had a chance for therapy, a normal life, or anything except anti-Avenger propaganda should behave EXACTLY like a mature man who spent his life as a doctor and had already chosen suicide by terrorist is really kind of...I hate to say it, but...stupid. I mean, if you're going to go that route, you HAVE TO condemn me for attacking the Bucky-bot for things the Winter Soldier did. After all, if Yinsen could forgive ME, why couldn't I forgive the Buckster? He literally had NO CHOICE---he was the real Manchurian candidate. Me? I CHOSE to ignore my responsibilities for almost 20 years because I preferred to party rather than run the company my dad built. And I'm not even going to START with a count of the apologies I owe just about EVERYONE I've ever shared screentime with."

Tony backed up as he signaled for his staff to take the stranger away. The stranger was still grumbling about "Tony tries so HARD" and "That bitch is a NAZI" as she was dragged out the door.

Tony turned around to see the rest of the Avengers staring, including Wanda. He shrugged and said, "I know, I know. I can't explain it either. How did she get in here? And why ARE my fans always the crazy ones?"

Chapter Text

At the heart of every "IronDad & SpiderSon" work is the lie that Tony is there when Peter needs him, that Peter calls and Tony responds. Homecoming showed that Tony left Peter feeling abandoned for MONTHS, then Tony took away Peter's suit when Tony decided that Peter messed up. Of course Peter continues doing what's right and is endangered. Apparently folks are not only writing fics where "Peter calls for help and Tony flies to the rescue," but also "Tony feels guilty about leaving Peter unprotected and Peter hand-waves away the betrayal and COMFORTS TONY about it." Let's see how that really should have gone down.

***

Peter was done with Mr. Stark. The man had ignored him for MONTHS and ignored Peter's calls about a serious threat. Peter made the decision when Stark took away the suit and made Peter dig through the garbage for clothes to wear home. As he walked, smelling the odors on the clothes he got from the trash, he went over Stark's latest speech and realized that for Stark, it was ALL ABOUT STARK. Peter couldn't die on Stark's watch because Stark wouldn't like it? That was some kind of weird mind-warp crap. It made Peter rethink their first conversation in his room, how Stark made fun of Peter dumpster-diving for tech and the crudeness of Peter's suit. (And how Stark threatened to tell Aunt May about Peter's secret if Peter didn't help him in Germany. Peter still felt like he had NO CLUE what he or anyone else was doing there.)

So when he got an invitation to Stark Tower after successfully stopping the Vulture, he ignored it. And all of Stark's contacts after that. He figured that at some point Stark would give up and leave him alone.

Turned out he was wrong when he walked into his apartment and found Stark digging through May's desk---with May nowhere around. Peter THOUGHT "How the hell did you get in here" but figured the answer would be "I'm Iron Man." So instead Peter said, "Uh, hi."

Stark said, "Parker. WHY do I have to come out here to the ass-end of the world aka Queens to have a conversation? Do you know it's rude not to return my calls?"

Peter thought about mentioning all the calls STARK didn't return, but decided not to get into it. He said, "I don't think we have anything to discuss, Mr. Stark. You took your suit back. We're done."

Stark shifted on his feet and said, "No, that was just to teach you a lesson. And I'm REALLY sorry for the whole 'trapped under a building' thing. You need to tell me we're okay and get yourself back on my team."

Peter stared at Stark, then said, "We're NOT okay, Mr. Stark. I'm not going to lie to make you feel better about treating me like crap. You were right about one thing: I don't need your suit to be Spider-Man. So I don't need YOU, either. And I want you to leave me alone."

Before Stark could answer, the lock turned and May was walking in. She looked at the two and asked, "What's going on here?"

Stark gave a big, fake smile and said, "Just giving Parker here the details on a brand new internship offer. It includes specialized education and room and board at a top-rate facility---"

Peter interrupted and said, "I don't want it, May. I asked Mr. Stark to leave and he wouldn't. In fact, he was here when I came in. Did you open the door for him?"

May frowned and said, "No, I didn't. Mr. Stark, you're going to leave right now and you are NEVER going to contact Peter again. Or I am going to let the police and the press know you apparently think breaking and entering is okay if you're Tony Stark."

Peter said, "And I suggest you forget EVERYTHING about me, Mr. Stark. Because we both know it's the adult who is at fault for getting involved with a child. ESPECIALLY when laws, like international laws, are broken."

Peter watched Stark leave and realized he felt more free than he had since they had met. And since Peter and Ned had pretty much hacked the schematics of the suit while they had it, they would be able to build their own version of it. Considering the rumors that Stark stole his employees' tech, Stark shouldn't have a problem with it.

Chapter Text

Sigh. Considering the short shrift Natasha got in Endgame, it's sad to see her turned into a tool to prop Tony. The story using this trope pretends that Tony is owed something because he has problems and likes to make weapons. Apparently he can't turn off his brain and doesn't seek treatment, so the Avengers are supposed to be Tony's nanny and be obligated to him because Tony spends his apparent brain chaos on making new wepaons for them. And Natasha props Tony and menaces Steve because of...pity? It doesn't make sense, because Natasha is the one who diagnosed Tony accurately in IM2. She's the one who called him on his crap in Civil War. She would NOT be menacing to Steve on Tony's behalf, especially given how little Tony cared about her (proved by Endgame). Let's see how this conversation would really go down.

***

Natasha frowned as she disabled Jarvis's controls over the doors and set the cameras on loop. She didn't like to use her spy skills against her teammates (unless she was researching blind dates for Steve), but Stark was out of his mind and something had to be done. Too bad the middle-aged man couldn't manage to behave like an adult and get some help. Now they would be forced to take him out of action for everyone's safety.

She nodded to Steve and Rhodey as the two men stood before the door to Tony's workshop.

Steve said, "Tony, I'm asking one last time, please open up. This has gone on long enough."

Rhodey said, "Tones, you're just this side of bat-shit crazy. You can either let us in, or we can tranq you and take you to the psych ward. Your call."

When there was no response, Rhodey tapped in his code. This time the door worked and he and Steve walked through. Natasha slipped in behind them, hiding in the shadows.

Tony whirled around and said, "You ingrates never leave me in peace. Look at all the stuff I made because I want to." He gestured at a pile of gear in the corner.

Natasha slid closer as Steve and Rhodey looked at each other and frowned.

Steve said, "Tony, you have to stop. Now. Nobody asked for more weapons or upgrades."

Rhodey said, "Tony, I warned you when you pulled that stunt at your party where you fired weapons in a crowded room: You either get help or get grounded. This is you choosing getting grounded."

Tony turned toward them. The gauntlet on his hand glowed as he aimed toward the unarmed men. Tony said, "You know I have no problem firing on unarmed people."

Natasha slid behind Tony and jabbed him with a hypodermic. She said, "So we've seen."

As the men lifted Tony's unconscious body, Natasha removed all of Tony's tech and said, "Pepper already has a private suite secured. Hopefully the docs can help Tony get his head back on straight."

Chapter Text

This trope shows how pathetic prop-Tony efforts are. In order to make Steve seem "as bad" as Tony (which quite simply is IMPOSSIBLE), this trope de-ages Wanda into an actual child based on Steve calling her a "kid" in Civil War. This doesn't work because 1) "Kid" does not equal "child." Humphrey Bogart calls Ingrid Bergman "kid" in Casablanca. Does that mean he was trying to seduce a minor? No, because "kid" is used for people of any age who are younger than the person using the term. Steve calls a pilot who's the same age or younger than Steve "son" in Avengers. Does that mean Steve thought the pilot was his son? No. 2) Wanda and Pietro look like they are at the MINIMUM late teens. Certainly not so young they would need a legal guardian making decisions for them, unlike, you know a 14 YEAR OLD Peter Parker. Let's see how the Avengers would react if Tony tried to pretend Wanda was an actual child to excuse his "recruitment" (aka extortion and kidnapping) of Peter.

***

Rhodey paced around the room as he said, "That kid was 14? FOURTEEN! How the hell could you do that, Tony? WHY the hell would you bring a CHILD to fight Cap and the Winter Soldier? That kid could have been KILLED."

Tony sulked in his chair and said, "I HAD to! I needed the extra firepower. If we'd gone up against Cap with just ourselves, he'd have wiped the floor with us. We HAD to win." What Tony really meant was HE had to win, but whatever.

Tony waved a hand in the air and said, "Besides, why are you on my case about the kid? Cap had Wanda on the field. He called HER a kid, so you better have a problem with HIM as well."

Vision floated over and said, "I believe you are confusing fiction with fact. In order to 'point the finger' at Captain Rogers, you claim he recruited a minor to fight for him at the airport. That is, in fact, incorrect."

He continued, "Kid does not necessarily mean child. For example, Wanda is more than a decade younger than Captain Rogers, but she is, in fact, of legal age. So he calls her 'kid' as a term of affection, as one would a younger sibling."

Rhodey nodded and said, "The kid YOU brought to Germany was apparently YEARS away from legal, Tony. He was an ACTUAL child. And we may have to call Child Services, if someone let you take their CHILD to another country to fight superheroes."

Tony looked away and said, "Well, technically..."

Rhodey groaned and said, "OH MY GOD. You KIDNAPPED the kid?"

Vision frowned and said, "A 14 year old CANNOT give consent. You are saying you did NOT obtain the parent or guardian's permission for the 'Spider Person' to be there?"

He continued, "I must also deduce, then, that neither Secretary Ross nor a member of the United Nations approved of the young enhanced to operate on foreign soil. Is the teenager registered? He appears enhanced, and thus MUST provide his name, location, and DNA as required by the Accords. His very presence on foreign soil was a gross violation. We must report---"

Tony leapt up and said, "You can't! He's a kid! The Accords---"

Vision interrupted, "The Accords are what we ALL agreed to obey and enforce. Or face the consequences. The same as YOU must now face the consequences of both the Accords violations and the criminal actions you have perpetrated. I will be filing reports at local, state, federal, and international levels."

Vision floated toward the door. Tony started to activate his watch-gauntlet to shoot another unarmed person in the back. But as he aimed, Rhodey yanked down Tony's arm. Rhodey said, "DON'T. You don't get to shoot OR talk your way out of this, Tony. You crossed too many lines this time to ignore."

Tony shuddered as he wondered which would be worse: a New York City prison, the Raft...or a room alone with May Parker.

Chapter Text

This trope is even more bizarre than the "Howard/Peggy/Howling Commandos travel through time to lecture Team Cap" one. Because it claims the woman who raised Steve to stand up against bullies would actually prop Tony, the biggest bully of the MCU. Let's see how Sarah would REALLY react to "poor, woobie, baby" Tony.

***

Tony laughed to himself as he waited. While the REJECT Avengers were taking out the villain, Tony snuck onto the base (because OF COURSE he wasn't bothering with U.N. permission slips or Accords procedures or whatever). And Tony had discovered that the villain was using magic or something to make temporary replicas of important people in the heroes' lives to hold them hostage. (But why this joker only brought in people that meant something to Team Captain Stuck-Up didn't make sense to Tony. It was almost like this guy knew the Accords panel wouldn't send anyone to stop him. Maybe because the guy apparently also conjured up lots of gold and jewels.)

Learning that Cap's mom was one of the people, Tony had quickly set up a movie for her of Cap's "greatest hits"---all the times Cap was just AWFUL to Tony. Like that time Cap tried to say Coulson was a soldier, or that time the scepter made Cap acknowledge that there were guys worth 10 of Tony, or that time Cap had a hissy fit over Tony making Ultron behind everyone's back, or that time Cap refused to sign away his human rights when Tony lied that he could amend the Accords, and especially that time Cap wouldn't STAND DOWN while Tony as trying to murder Barnes in Siberia. Tony couldn't wait for Mrs. Rogers to give Cap the what-for for being such a MEANIE.

Team Rejects entered and stopped as they stared at the magician's blasts from the past. Red Bitches 1 and 2 gasped and ran to what Tony guessed must be their parents. Tony spared a second to congratulate himself on leaving drones to film everything while he was safely out of reach of the Sokovians.

Sarah Rogers looked up from the small screen Tony had given her. Tony leaned forward and zoomed in, ready for the lecture. He wondered if Sarah had a disappointed face as powerful as Cap's.

She dropped the device and slowly walked over to Cap, who went to one knee and looked at her. He said, "Ma?"

Sarah reached out and Tony waited for the slap. But instead, the bitch laid a hand against Cap's cheek and said, "Steven?"

Then they had their arms wrapped around each other. Traitor Mom said, "Oh, Steven, it's really you. I can't believe it."

She leaned back and said, "You've finally got a body to match that fierce heart of yours. I'm so happy for you."

Cap just smiled and maybe cried a little, like some wimp.

Sarah looked around and said, "I think we're still in danger. There was another villain here, one in a strange metal suit. He wanted me to watch a film---in color, amazing---of you interacting with him, I don't know why."

Team Rejects looked at each other and around. The witch's eyes glowed as the drones suddenly started moving where Tony didn't want them to go. But through the red haze in front of the camera, Tony could see Cap look at his mom and hear Cap say, "Uh, Ma, that wasn't a villain. He's---well, he WAS one of us."

Sarah Rogers shook her head and said, "Well, I'm so glad he's not on your team anymore."

Tony sulked as the witch slowly crushed the drones. The sound went last, which Tony regretted as he heard Sarah Rogers say, "That man was as big a bully as ever roughed you up back in the day."

Chapter Text

I believe this trope demonstrates how depraved the prop-Tony fics can become, and how little prop-Tony folks care about anyone but Tony. To use a five-year-old child to commit murder is about as low as you can stoop. But prop-Tony folks do it with glee. Let's see how this could backfire on Tony.

Here's a sample of the trope: Link

***

Tony leaned down and arranged the cookies on the tray in Morgan's hands. He said, "Now Morganator, remember what I said: Do NOT touch the cookies. Do NOT eat the cookies. But also DO NOT stop giving big sad eyes to each person in the room until they take a cookie. Tell them they have to all taste them at the same time. And keep repeating it until they agree."

Tony laughed to himself as he sent off his five-year-old daughter to commit murder. He already planned to disintegrate the bodies, so there would be no trace of Team Captain Stuck-Up when he was done.

He could protect HIS perfect life of the last five years AND get rid of Cap Suck-Face and his fellow rejects. Maybe Tony felt a TINY bit of guilt for Peter staying snapped, but this way Tony's life didn't have to change AT ALL.

Morgan came skipping back with an empty tray. She said, "Mission accomplished. The others are waiting for us so we can all eat our cookies together, Daddy."

Tony smiled as he pictured watching the others writhing on the floor as the poison ate through their bodies. He said, "Morgan, I left your cookie upstairs. Let's go look for it."

A few moments later, Morgan was safely locked in her room---with a completely safe box of animal crackers.

Tony pulled out the container of cookies that he HADN'T dosed with poison and took one out. He decided not to wait, so he took a giant bite of the dark chocolate peanut butter coconut goodness. (He'd needed a lot of flavors to hide the poison.)

It wasn't until after he'd chewed and swallowed a few bites that he felt...strange. Like his body was being hollowed out as his organs began shutting down. He fell to the floor and flailed around for a few moments.

As he gasped his last breaths, he saw Team Rejects peering down at him along with---PEPPER? And some cops, judging by the bland uniforms, drawn guns, and shiny badges.

The older cop shook his head and asked, "You said that there was no antitode to this poison?"

Pepper shook her head and said, "No. When we switched the sets of cookies, I never thought he'd actually EAT one until he was in the same room with us."

She continued, "I guess I underestimated his desire to gloat."

The cop nodded and said, "Your surveillance systems show him mixing up the poison, and adding it to the cookies. He clearly wanted to use his daughter to murder your guests. I think I can convince the D.A. to keep this quiet. List it as an accidental death."

Pepper said, "Thank you, Officer. I'm going to go upstairs and stay with my daughter until after the coroner is finished."

As Tony died, he heard Scott Lang say, "So the cookies the kid gave us are safe to eat, right?"

Chapter Text

This trope is just ridiculous. There is NO WAY either of the Maximoffs would be pro-Accords. Pietro and Wanda were terrorized by a Stark weapon, volunteered for Shield only to be manipulated and experimented on by Hydra, and lived in a war-torn country led by a corrupt government. Yet apparently some prop-Tony folks twist PIetro to the point where he's willing to abandon (and possibly attack) his own sister AND sign away all of his civil rights to prop Tony. Let's see what Pietro would ACTUALLY say if he was in the room during the Accords discussions.

***

Politico with snake face left after telling them about Accords. SOKOVIA ACCORDS. PIetro could not believe those snakes put his beloved home on this piece of refuse.

Pietro watched as Tony Stark strutted around room, pretending to be big man. Stark was small man, small height and small heart. Pietro learned this first waiting for Stark bomb to kill him and Wanda. When they were left living on streets and in bombed-out buildings, they would see footage of Stark on televisions in shop windows. He was always on red carpet or falling out of limousine. Always there was talk of how rich Stark was, how clever and powerful. But NEVER was there talk of Stark helping those his weapons had harmed.

Then Pietro met Stark in person and knew that Stark cared little for those who were not Stark's own. They heard it from Ultron as Ultron quoted his "father." And from Stark himself when Stark spoke of destroying Pietro's city before it was evacuated. But especially in silence after. No money spent on rebuilding what Stark and his inventions destroyed. No mention of deaths of Sokovians.

Stark now showed picture of young black man. Stark said, "Oh, that's Charles Spencer, by the way. He's a great kid. Computer engineering degree, 3.6 GPA. Had a floor level gig at Intel planned for the fall. But first, he wanted to put a few miles on his soul, before he parked it behind a desk. See the world. Maybe be of service. Charlie didn't want to go to Vegas or Fort Lauderdale, which is what I would do. He didn't go to Paris or Amsterdam, which sounds fun. He decided to spend his summer building sustainable housing for the poor. Guess where, Sokovia."

Pietro wondered why this American was important now, years later.

Stark continued, "He wanted to make a difference, I suppose. I mean, we won't know because we dropped a building on him while we were kicking ass."

Pietro frowned. Avengers did NOT "kick ass." They barely escaped with their lives. As did most of his countrymen---but not all. Some were killed by Ultron's robots and left lying in streets until they were blown to dust.

Stark announced, "There's no decision-making process here. We need to be put in check! Whatever form that takes, I'm game. If we can't accept limitations, if we're boundary-less, we're no better than the bad guys."

The Captain---Steve---looked about to speak. Instead Pietro slammed down his hand and asked, "Why does what happened in Sokovia matter to you NOW?"

Everyone turned to look at him. Wanda nodded encouragement.

Steve looked at Pietro, then at Tony as if also wanting answer.

Pietro stood and asked, "Why does this AMERICAN's death matter now, when you said nothing after SOKOVIAN deaths? For YEARS my country did not matter to you, Stark."

He walked over to Stark and continued, "It was YOUR bomb that killed our parents. It was YOUR messing with scepter that set Ultron loose. YOU must be 'put in check'."

Stark sneered at Pietro and said, "And YOU helped the platinum bastard. What does that say about you?"

Pietro said, "It says I was stupid kid. But I also learned lesson and almost died stopping him. And I have trained and worked since then to---to clear red in my ledger."

Sam Wilson nodded slowly and said, "You retired, Stark. You've been off doing whatever while the rest of us were taking the risks. So just shut the hell up."

Steve was reading pages faster than PIetro could run. Steve said, "The planet was almost destroyed by Ultron, Tony. If we'd waited for some panel to give the okay to go to Sokovia, none of us would even BE here because it would have been too late. And these restrictions on enhanced people---some of us aren't like you, Tony. We don't like the situation, we can't just take off our abilities and walk away."

Pietro sneered at Stark and said, "You only care when YOU are affected by events. You want us to sign away OUR rights when YOU will not be bothered by anything in Accords."

Vision's brow creased as he said, "My memories from Jarvis also make me aware of an equation: Money is subtracted from Stark funds and added to politicians', lawyers', and law enforcement officers' accounts. And somehow this causes charges against Tony to reduce to zero. This equation greatly lessens the likelihood that your position holds merit, because you have, as some would say, 'No skin in the game'."

Natasha stood and said, "I was going to suggest we sign to keep one hand on the wheel. But that won't work, because the Accords are already written and about to be ratified with no input from us. And Pietro's right, Tony. You didn't care when Sokovians died---or when Pietro almost died. So you getting upset over a single American now makes me think there's more to the story."

Pietro said, "Only choices they give me is sign or retire, so I retire."

Wanda cleared her throat and said, "I retire as well. We will go away from here so this U.N. panel cannot make us stay against our will."

Natasha nodded and said, "I say we ALL retire. It's our best chance of forcing the U.N. to change the terms before they ratify, or even turn the ratification meeting into a discussion of terms."

Steve stood and set Accords book on table, pointing to sections that needed changing. Pietro watched Stark sulk in corner. Pietro hoped Stark did NOT retire with them. He wanted to laugh at small man with smaller team.

Chapter Text

This trope is pretty stupid. If nothing else, it shows some prop-Tony folks don't recognize irony. They have Tony lecturing Nick Fury for recruiting a 16-year-old Peter. Disregarding that it's not actually Nick Fury or Maria Hill recruiting Peter in Far From Home, Tony doesn't have any right to lecture Nick or ANYONE for taking advantage of Peter. Because TONY blackmailed a 14-YEAR-OLD Peter into going to fight in Germany as Tony's child soldier. Here's how Nick would actually react to Tony's attempt to pretend he has ANY say in what Peter does. (Of course he doesn't. May Parker is Peter's ONLY "parental figure.")

***

Tony continued to rant at Nick Fury for attempting to recruit Peter. Tony finished with, "How dare you! Parker is MY PROTEGE. And he's only a teenager. Don't you have anyone else you can recruit for these missions?"

He frowned as Nick continued to sip his coffee as if Tony hadn't spoken. After a moment, Nick asked, "You done?"

Tony nodded.

Nick also nodded, then glanced at his watch before he said, "Since you wasted so much of my time, I'm gonna be quick about this: Shut up."

Tony's jaw dropped.

Nick laughed at Tony and continued, "You got some nerve trying to act like you give a shit about the Parker kid. First off, whatever I talk to him about is none of your business. Parker has a guardian, and it sure as hell isn't you. May Parker---you know, the woman you LIED TO and KEPT SECRETS FROM, is fully aware of and on board with whatever Parker agrees to going forward."

After another sip of coffee, Nick laughed again and said, "I can't figure out if you're just really dumb or your ego is so big you can't see yourself in the mirror. But I suggest you take a good look, Stark. Because if you made this pathetic attempt to get on my case about talking to a 16-year-old about possible training, how much WORSE are you for locking yourself in a room with a 14-year-old CHILD? And then blackmailing the kid by threatening to tell his aunt before you kidnapped the kid to another country to fight superheroes in a battle Parker had NO BUSINESS being anywhere near."

Nick's lip curled as he said, "Parker is now fully aware of how the Accords would REALLY affect him. And that an adult who ACTUALLY CARED ABOUT HIM would have made Parker talk to his aunt before doing ANYTHING. And he's aware of what a piece of shit you are for using him and then dropping him on that Happy guy the second you could. Parker knows everything now, so he also knows that ANYBODY else would be a better mentor. So you're out of luck and out of Parker's life."

Nick turned his back on Tony and said, "Get out, and don't bother calling me again. And if you EVER go near another kid...let's just say there's a LOT of evidence against you. And it will give me great pleasure to use it. See how YOU like being put on the Raft. And YOU will actually deserve it."

Chapter Text

This is a trope that shows how desperate the prop-Tony fics are. Team Cap has been shown as right again and again, and Tony is shown as a hypocrite who builds a Hydra-like weapon without an ounce of remorse. Prop-Tony writers don't have any real ammo against Team Cap, so they make up stupid tropes like this. Steve dropped the shield and the title of Captain America without a look back (as did everyone else on Team Cap). Steve said in his letter he considered the Avengers more Tony's than his. (The idea and name, obviously, because by Infinity War all of the Avengers were Team Cap except Tony.) But this trope makes Team Cap want to be the "Avengers," so the writer can have characters turn into Tony props who lecture Team Cap. So incredibly dumb. What if Team Cap rejected the name in this scenario the same way they did in the actual films?

***

Phil Coulson took a sip of his coffee as he watched "Team Cap" discuss his offer. After the Accords were struck down as illegal and inhumane (and men like Thaddeus Ross exposed for their corruption), the world governments had come back to the heroes to ask them to return to keeping the world safe as only they could. A reinstated Shield would provide intel and support. IF Steve and the others would agree. Phil wasn't sure they would---he knew they'd been doing just fine saving the world quietly in the background. Unlike Thaddeus Ross's Avengers, who'd done nothing at all. At least Vision and War Machine hadn't tried to stand in the way when Shield agents arrived to arrest Tony Stark.

Tony Stark's criminal actions against John Doe (aka Peter Parker) had landed Stark in jail for a decades-long sentence. Kidnapping a child was a serious crime.

Phil smiled to himself as he witnessed the bonds between Steve's team. (Except for James Barnes, who was in seclusion somewhere recovering from medical treatments.) Clint and Scott Lang had arrived first, newly released from their house arrests. Sam, Wanda, Natasha, and Steve had brought new allies--Hank Pym, Janet Van Dyne, Hope Van Dyne, King T'Challa, and Princess Shuri. A moment of awkwardness between the former fugitives and Vision and Colonel Rhodes ended when Steve stepped up and welcomed the two back with no hard feelings.

Phil was grateful that Steve, Natasha, and Clint had been just as gracious about Phil's sudden (to them) resurrection. He could already imagine Daisy, Yo-Yo, and the others melding with the Avengers into an incredible force for good.

Phil put down his cup when the heroes approached him. He asked, "What do you say?"

Steve looked to the others. At their nods, he turned to Phil and said, "We will certainly consider working with Shield again after we confirm that it's really cleared of all traces of Hydra."

Natasha lifted a brow and said, "Along with any other criminal elements."

Clint leaned a hip against the table and crossed his arms as he said, "But we'll have a whole bunch of conditions."

Phil nodded and stood. He said, "Of course. We can write a new draft of the Avengers Initiative--"

Wanda shook her head and interrupted him as she said, "No. No, we don't want to be Avengers."

T'Challa said, "The name does not seem appropriate."

Wilson said, "You got that right."

Shuri frowned and said, "Plus let's face it: you've got a serious image problem. Stark was the face of the Accords-approved Avengers, and now his mug shot is everywhere."

Scott nodded and said, "As a dad, I really don't want to be on a team that had Tony Stark as member. When I think about what he did to that kid..."

Hank Pym muttered, "Never trust a Stark." His wife and daughter rolled their eyes but nodded.

Phil looked at Vision and Rhodes. Rhodes shrugged and said, "Yeah, the Avengers haven't had the best reputation since Cap and the others left."

Vision nodded and said, "It seems fitting that this new team have a new name."

Phil smiled and said, "Then let me introduce you to some folks and we can start brainstorming--and planning for the future."

Nick Fury may not like the name change, but Phil was happy to have this expanded "Team Cap" on his side--no matter what they ended up calling themselves.

Chapter Text

This is another one of those tropes that makes me laugh and pretty much proves that prop-Tony folks do not bother to watch the films.

Let's compare the assumptions of this trope with what the films actually show us.

***

Christine Everhart looked at the camera and said, "In this special edition of To Trope or Not to Trope, I'm joined by fellow Avengers minor character Darcy Lewis. Welcome to the show Darcy."

Darcy Lewis tossed her curls over her shoulder and said, "Thank you Christine. It's great to be here. I'm really glad that we get a chance to look at this crazy trope, because honestly I just don't get it."

Christine nodded and said, "Yes, when I heard this rumor floating around, I knew it needed some investigation."

Darcy said, "Especially when we've got the video footage that proves this trope is both wrong for lying and then wrong for pretending a really good thing is bad news."

Christine leaned back and said, "So let's take a look at the first charge being leveled against Captain Rogers: That Steve constantly puts Tony down."

Darcy shook her head and said, "Yeah, I think the users of this trope need to look up the definition of constantly. And also rewatch the films, because it's Tony who CONSTANTLY puts everyone down. Steve is actually pretty nice to everyone and tries to empathize with them."

Christine nodded and said, "Yes, he even tries to defuse things by empathizing with the villains, like the Maximoffs in the beginning of Age of Ultron and Zemo in Civil War. Plus Steve was one of the few people who DIDN'T make fun of Thor in Endgame. So Darcy, where you think this head canon is coming from?"

Darcy's brow furrowed as she said, "The only thing I can think of is that they're looking at that one scene with the scepter in Avengers 1. So according to these folks, Steve saying something once under the influence of the scepter equals constantly putting Tony down."

Christine asked, "So what exactly did Steve say?"

Darcy shrugged and said, "It actually wasn't a put down so much as a hard truth that Tony probably didn't want to hear. Tony bragged about being a genius billionaire playboy philanthropist---"

Christine interrupted to say, "And for the record, playboy is NOT a good thing to be."

Darcy nodded and continued, "In response, Steve said I know men with none of that are worth 10 of you. And that's the truth. Steve fought World War II with the Howling commandos. And any one of them IS worth 10 of Tony. Those guys were real heroes who didn't have to be forced into helping out, or bribed with medals to do the right thing."

Christine said, "I bet Steve could have said that HOWARD was a better hero than Tony at that point. Howard helped the war effort and led Shield without any of the bragging and press conferences Tony did as Iron Man. So that part of the trope is just crap."

She paused, then said, "So let's look at the other charge, that Steve constantly discourages Tony."

Darcy looked at her notes and said, "You know, at first I was going to say that this is as full of crap as the other part of the trope, but then I took a look at the films again and you know what? Steve IS always discouraging Tony---and that is a GREAT thing, because Tony is CONSTANTLY doing the wrong thing."

Christine said, "That's right. Let's run down the list of things Steve discourages Tony from doing."

She continued, "First up, Steve discouraged Tony from trying to provoke Bruce into hulking out on the helicarrier. Because trying to bring the Hulk out in a confined space is REALLY STUPID."

Darcy said, "We actually got to see what a disaster that was. So yeah, Steve discouraging Tony is exactly the RIGHT thing to do."

Christine rested her elbows on the desk and said, "Now Steve and Tony don't have any other scenes after the film ends until Avengers Age of Ultron, so again I don't know where that constantly is coming from accept this trope writer's head."

Darcy snorted and nodded, then said, "But let's again look at what Steve is discouraging Tony from doing...it's pretty much that Steve is discouraging Tony from building another robot without consulting the team after Tony's FIRST unapproved use of the scepter let Ultron onto the internet and resulted in Ultron creating an army of murderbots. So of COURSE Steve is going to discourage it. Duh."

Christine nodded and said, "And I feel I should point out that Tony SHOT an unarmed Steve in one scene, so apparently Tony shooting unarmed people is something Tony does pretty regularly."

Darcy shifted her chair and said, "Now that brings us to Civil War. And hell yes Steve was discouraging. Steve tried to discourage Tony from IGNORING the very real problems with the Accords."

Christine shook her head and said, "Because the human rights violations allowed by the Accords were for OTHER people to worry about, not Tony. Because Tony just didn't violate the Accords, he committed multiple crimes. But like all the other billionaires in the world, he lied and hid his crimes so HE didn't face the punishment he deserved."

Darcy nodded and said, "Yeah I'm pretty sure Steve and everyone else would have DISCOURAGED Tony from blackmailing and kidnapping a 14-year-old to be Tony's child soldier."

Christine continued the list as she said, "And Steve also discouraged Tony from IGNORING the the dangers caused by the winter soldiers that were about to be unleashed as far as everyone knew. That's another case where Steve was definitely RIGHT to discourage Tony from ignoring the crisis."

Darcy leaned back and said, "And of course Siberia---who could forget Siberia? Steve was DEFINITELY discouraging Tony from murdering an innocent man. Especially after Tony acknowledged that Bucky was innocent and Tony just didn't care because he was going to kill Bucky anyway."

Christine nodded and said, "Discouragement was definitely Steve's only real option there. It's really discouraging that this trope writer thinks discouraging Tony from committing murder is something to complain about."

Darcy said, "And we could even go into all the things Steve DIDN'T discourage Tony from doing---because Steve didn't know Tony was doing them."

Christine said, "I think that Steve would have discouraged Tony from continuing to be so horrible toward Peter, and discouraged Tony from being a self-centered man-child who wouldn't call for help even to save the universe."

Darcy nodded and said, "Steve would DEFINITELY have discouraged Tony from building EDITH, Tony's own personal Hydra weapon."

Christine propped her chin on one hand and said, "You know what Steve DIDN'T discourage Tony from doing? Making his own decisions. Because Steve's good about that, he lets everybody decide what's right for them."

Darcy said, "Instead of blackmailing them or trying to bribe them or spying on them or building a drone army to send after them like Tony does."

Christine looked at the camera and said, "And that about wraps it up folks. The truth is: This trope really is as dumb as it sounds."

Chapter Text

TONY is the one who tries to force people to do things in every film he's in. He uses bribery, blackmail, his wealth and privilege, and of course outright force.

Steve, on the other hand, is the one who builds consensus. He is okay with people disagreeing and doesn't force them to do anything. Steve clearly states that each person has to do what they think is right, so he doesn't force anyone to follow him. People CHOOSE to.

So all these prop-Tony stories where Steve is forcing people are some weird kind of transference. (Transference is big with prop-Tony folks. There's even a story where asexual!Steve is mocked by Clint and defended by Tony. So in prop-Tony folks' minds, family man Clint is cruel while proven misogynist, transphobe, and homophobe Tony is the savior. LOL--certainly not in the MCU.)

Let's see how ridiculous this trope really is.

***

Steve's brow furrowed as he looked at Team Cap and asked, "Tony accused me of what?"

Bucky shrugged and said, "Well, it depends on the day. Supposedly you're trying to force me to leave Wakanda. Because...reasons."

T'Challa nodded and said, "And you're trying to force me to attack Tony. Even though YOU seem to have no actual problem with him, as far as anyone has seen. But you are apparently doing this for...reasons."

Wanda nodded and said, "And you're forcing me to force everyone to believe Tony is a bad guy. Because apparently Tony shooting unarmed people, violating the Accords, blackmailing and kidnapping a child, refusing to make a phone call to save the universe, and building his own personal Hydra weapons are NOT enough to think Tony is more of a villain than some of the villains. Because...reasons."

Sam shook his head and said, "You're forcing me to ignore a nonexistent offer of amnesty. Not because Ross never made any such offer, but because, you know...reasons."

Bruce and Thor shook their heads as Bruce said, "Apparently you try to force Thor and I to take your side in the Civil War. Not because it is clear the Accords are severe human rights violations engineered by the man who hunted me down like a dog, but because of...reasons."

Scott chuckled and said, "And apparently you're also forcing Clint and me to take your side. NOT because you were obviously right about the Accords, right to not trust Tony's lies about amendments, right to keep Tony from murdering an innocent man. But because...reasons."

Clint muttered, "And you're forcing me to hate Stark. Not because Stark outed my family to Ross. You're forcing me to hate him for...other reasons."

Nat linked her arm with Steve's and patted his shoulder. She said, "Face it, Rogers: You're a good guy who does his best to let us make our own decisions. So WE'RE going to be forced to laugh at the ridiculousness of Tony's accusations."

Chapter Text

This one makes me laugh. It's another "Tony is the dumbest Avenger" trope, because he somehow notices "bad team dynamics" (usually Steve or other characters warped to pretend they bully Tony), but Tony never notices that TONY is the one CAUSING the bad team dynamics. Let's have someone point that out. (This is set between Winter Soldier and Age of Ultron.)

***

On a projection in the middle of the conference table, the Hulk raged through a warehouse, shoving boxes and toppling equipment. When Bruce cringed, Steve tapped a button and turned off the projection. He offered Bruce a small smile of apology and encouragement, while Natasha reached over and let her hand rest on Bruce's shoulder.

Steve said, "So, what we thought was going to be a straightforward takedown of a fairly active Hydra base turned into a Code Green. Let's walk it through and figure out what happened, and see if we can keep Bruce as backup next time."

Tony spun in his chair. When it stopped he said, "Isn't it obvious? Wait, maybe it isn't. I forget that we're not all members of the genius club here."

Thor frowned and said, "What do you mean? Speak plainly."

Tony leaped up and paced around the room, hands waving as he said, "It's plain as the star on the Star Spangled Man here, Point Break. TEAM DYNAMICS. You know, the yin and the yang, the push and the pull, the tic, tac, and toe, the--"

"You're saying that the TEAM was the problem here?" Natasha asked. Her grip didn't tighten, but she looked like she wanted to clench her fists.

"Of course," Tony said, as he leaned against a window. He continued, "Take Cap's plan. Sure, it looked fine here in the conference room. But out there? Didn't last two minutes."

Clint sat up and said, "That's because YOU didn't bother to follow the plan. You were supposed to monitor the bad guys' movements and cut their comm systems so they couldn't sound an alarm. Instead, you go off exploring some lab."

Tony waved a hand and said, "It could have been important."

"It could have waited," Steve said with a frown. He continued, "None of the equipment was active at that moment. You could have finished your assignment and THEN started tinkering."

"Well if I'd done that, there might not have been any lab LEFT," Tony replied. He continued, "Jolly Green made a bit of a mess. It was only lucky that lab was saved."

Bruce frowned and said, "I--the other guy--was helping Clint. The others were barely holding their own and couldn't get to him. And YOU weren't around. It was a clear Code Green."

Clint pointed at Tony and said, "YOU didn't even bother to warn me that the door I was about to bust in had a dozen armed guards behind it. If Hulk hadn't showed up to guard my back, I'd be dead."

Natasha and Steve looked at each other, then at Bruce, Clint, and Thor. When everyone had nodded, Steve said, "I think you're right, Tony. There is a problem with the team dynamics. But the actual problem is getting you to understand what it means to be part of a team."

Chapter Text

I've looked at this trope before, but it's still being pushed as a prop-Tony "truth." This trope makes me laugh, because it's so clear that these writers don't bother to watch the films. To suggest that "the world" is pushing Tony and making demands on him because what he does isn't "good enough" is about as far from the MCU as you can get. Tony was never forced to be a responsible weapons maker and war profiteer, he was never forced to be a responsible adult (note he is NEVER punished for ANYTHING), he was never forced to house or fund the Avengers. (Tony CHOOSES to spend his time and money how he wants. Exactly WHO could force him to do anything?) He was never forced into actually making amends for ANY of his crimes and wrong actions (and note that he never voluntarily tried to make up for his mistakes either). He wasn't even forced to be a superhero. (He was declared unfit until Avengers because he's not a team player. Tony also retires MULTIPLE TIMES, even when half of all life is gone and the world is in chaos.) And "the world" has NEVER said that what Tony does isn't good enough. On the contrary, "the world" (and the MCU Powers That Be) give Tony a pass on EVERYTHING. Let's see who else will laugh at this pack of lies.

***

Tony stood in the center of the conference room at the Avengers Compound. The very empty conference room, because no one had stuck around to clean up the mess of the Accords. (The fact that none of the Avengers had the power to do ANYTHING to change the Accords--like force amendments on 117 countries who had no reason AT ALL to give back any of the control they'd just granted themselves--wasn't important. )

What was important--the only thing that was EVER important--was how Tony was feeling. And he was feeling, of course, very sorry for himself.

Tony waved his arms as he ranted, "Here I am, being the best genius, playboy, billionaire, philanthropist that anyone could ever be--along with being a semi-retired hasn't-done-anything-for-anyone-in-years superhero--but STILL the world makes demands of me. NOTHING I do is EVER good enough!"

"What the hell are you smoking?" Nick Fury said. Tony whirled to see the former Shield director leaning on the railing.

"Where did you come from?" Tony asked as he folded his arms.

"None of your business," Nick replied as he stood up. He chuckled as he said, "Really, though, what kind of crack are you on? Because that's the only way your little self pity party makes sense."

He sauntered over to Tony and continued, "I suggest you get that electronic secretary of yours to start digging through your files, because I'd like to see the facts about your so-called 'complaints'. The best? You've been one of the WORST. Your 'genius' has done more harm than some of the actual VILLAINS. And as far as philanthropy, here's a clue: If you're still a multi-billionaire, you're not much of a philanthropist. And for the record, playboy and billionaire are not things to be proud of in this day and age."

Tony fell into a chair as Nick shook his head and said, "And as far as being a hero, here's another clue: Heroes don't lie, cheat, steal, extort, kidnap, or assault others for their own gain. And they don't leave good people in horrible prisons because they're feeling petty. At least you didn't claim to be a good businessman, considering how little work you actual did to manage the business you INHERITED and then handed off to other people to run."

Nick laughed as he said, "And as for 'the world' making demands and never being satisfied, WHEN? When the hell did ANYONE make demands of you? Or claim they weren't satisfied? Or EVER held you accountable for all the damage you've done?"

As Nick turned to leave, Tony ignored all that and said, "And just why are you here, if not to MAKE DEMANDS?"

Nick shrugged and said, "I was going to ASK how you planned to keep the Avengers going, with just you and the robot still on the roster until Rhodes finds his feet again. But I think I--and 'the world'--will be better off if I leave the superheroing to Team Cap. At least if THEY complain the world is against them, they've got some actual proof."

Chapter Text

This seems like another case of transference, this time transferring Tony's less-than-honest personality to Steve. (And as with ALL of these character-warping attempts to prop Tony, this one is based on nothing but head canon.) Usually Steve gets lectured for hiding how "mean" he was to Tony. (Ignoring, of course, Tony's cold-blooded homicidal rampage.)
This trope also makes zero sense. Steve has rescued his team from the Raft, after Tony not only abandoned them in abusive conditions but also outed Clint's family to Ross for no reason but spite. Tony PROVED he can't be trusted. Why would Steve have anything to hide?

***

Sam leaned back in his seat on the quinjet and said, "That's messed up, man. Stark SAW Barnes check out when the Winter Soldier was triggered. He KNEW Barnes wasn't responsible and did that to him anyway."

THAT was how Stark attacked Barnes and KEPT attacking, even after Barnes was nearly unconscious and no threat to anyone.

Scott nodded and said, "You just don't DO that. No wonder Hank Pym never wanted anything to do with the Starks. Tony is WAY WORSE than his dad. I mean, Howard Stark tried to steal Hank's tech, but Howard never tried to murder anybody in cold blood. At least as far as I know."

Sam shook his head and said to Steve, "I'm sorry I brought that down on you two."

Steve frowned and said, "It wasn't your fault. You thought you were sending help."

Natasha glanced over from the pilot's seat. She said, "It's not your fault either, Steve."

Steve sighed and said, "I know. It's just--until the moment I saw that video recording, I never put it together. Maybe part of me didn't want to remember Zola's rumor about Hydra killing Howard and his wife."

Clint's face was grim as he said, "It's probably better that you never mentioned it. Tony proved he can't be trusted AT ALL."

Everyone looked at Bucky, stretched out on a gurney, and Wanda curled in the corner with her arms wrapped around her knees.

They weren't the only victims of Stark's self-centered pettiness. Clint looked at Steve and asked, "You're sure my family's safe? Ross didn't get to them?"

Steve nodded and said, "Maria got them out before Ross's people found them. They're in a safehouse until she can work some kind of deal to get Scott and you back to your families."

***

Rhodey watched Tony stalk angrily around the lab. Rhodey said, "You can't still be angry about the others bailing. From what I heard, the Raft broke so many Geneva Conventions it should have been scuttled before it launched."

Tony pulled up and stared. He asked, "What the hell do you know about it?" Tony certainly hadn't mentioned how he abandoned his former teammates to Ross--or endangered Clint's secret family.

Of course he couldn't mention how Captain Two-Face picked his brainwashed buddy over Tony, either. THAT would require exposing Tony's own violations of the Accords.

Rhodey crossed his arms and said, "I got a letter from Steve. Telling me he was sorry I got hurt. Was pretty cool of him, considering Vision's the one who tagged me. And explaining why we wouldn't be seeing any of them around the compound anytime soon."

Tony looked at Rhodey and thought HE KNOWS. Tony should have guessed that Cap, at least, didn't have a reason to hide anything that happened. After all, protecting an innocent (and then severely wounded) man against a homicidal maniac in a flying tank was pretty much what the Avengers were FOR. Stopping the bad guys.

At least to himself, Tony had to admit that TONY was the bad guy in Siberia. And if he was honest, by hiding his own Accords violations and saying nothing against the Raft or Ross, Tony still was.

Chapter Text

I find it laughable to suggest any of the heroes on Supernatural would be pro-Accords, much less prop Tony. The story with this trope pretends that Sam Wilson and the others (who just WITNESSED the inhumane conditions on the Raft and Tony outing Clint's secret family out of spite) would suddenly change their minds about the Accords because Christine Everhart claims they are "really about superhero responsibility." (Always ignoring, of course, the way Tony NEVER takes responsibility for violating them.) As if ANYONE on Team Cap would be that dumb. Or that Dean Winchester would be stupid enough to become superpowered and then agree to a document that not only strips him of his human rights, but also dictates when and where he can help people. (Or that Dean would be desperate enough to sleep with a middle-aged jackass who treated his bed partners like trash after he was done with them.) Let's see how that scenario would REALLY go down. (Note that I've never seen Supernatural, so these folks may sound out of character.)

***

Sam Winchester stared at his brother's glowing hands. He asked, "Can you point them in another direction? You're making me nervous."

Dean Winchester looked down at his hands, then pointed them toward the stucco wall that already showed some scorch marks.

Sam nodded in thanks and said, "I can't believe you're like an actual superhero now. But I'm glad that you're okay--or you will be."

Dean grinned and said, "Well, at least I'll never worry about losing a flashlight again."

Sam glanced over at the TV, then said, "Hey, Christine Everhart is going to read a statement about the Sokovia Accords."

Dean frowned as Sam turned up the volume. Next to the blonde newscaster was a picture of Tony Stark and the caption, "Iron Man supports Sokovia Accords." Dean said, "I can't believe I actually slept with that guy."

Sam nodded and said, "I can't believe it either--Stark is such a skeeve you want to shower just looking at him. You usually have better taste than that. Just how drunk were you?"

Dean shrugged and replied, "TOTALLY wasted. And then the guy didn't even stick around to say good-bye. Just had his assistant show me the door. The jerk got what he wanted and tossed me out like a used tissue."

Dean watched the scroll along the bottom of the TV screen. He said, "The Accords are just to make superheros accept responsibility? Who's going to believe that crap?"

Castiel suddenly appeared and said, "You'd be surprised at the gullibility of the American public." He looked at the brothers, shook his head, and said, "Then again, maybe not."

Sam looked at Dean and asked, "So you're not going to sign?"

"Hell no," Dean said. He continued, "I read the Wikipedia page--the Secretary of State wants to say when and where we can help people. Plus put a tracker on enhanced people and if they don't play nice, lock them up with no lawyer and no contact with the outside world."

Sam frowned and said, "But you're going to need some help figuring out your powers."

Castiel said, "I agree. So we have a meeting with Captain Steve Rogers. He's agreed to help train you, and his team will teach you how to hide your new powers--and give you someplace to run if the government comes after you."

He continued, "Although I don't think Iron Man, at least, will have the time to lock up any more enhanced beings."

The TV screen shifted to show footage of Iron Man streaking across the sky. The caption read, "Breaking News: Found footage shows Iron Man violating Accords, ignoring international boundaries."

Dean looked at their angel and asked, "That you?"

Castiel crossed his arms and said, "To quote Captain Rogers, I don't like bullies. And Tony Stark is one of the biggest bullies I've seen on this Earth."

Sam smiled and said, "So I guess 'Team Cap' gets the heavenly stamp of approval."

Castiel shrugged and said, "You already know which team is on the side of the angels. And it's not Iron Man's."

Dean and Sam nodded at each other as Castiel continued to watch the screen. Then Castiel turned to Dean and said, "Thank God I'm around now to keep you from such horrible hook-ups. Just how wasted WERE you?"

Dean groaned and blasted the wall as Sam and Castiel smirked.

Chapter Text

This trope not only erases Ben and May Parker, but Peter's actual parents, too. Instead, Peter's the result of one of Tony's sleep-with-them-then-dump-them conquests, while he was "sowing wild oats" as a 32-year-old manchild. One would hope that any woman would be smart enough NOT to trust their child to Tony Stark. But if they did (or got conveniently killed off), it wouldn't be Happy IronDad Times. No, Peter would be much less naive and fully aware that his dad was abusing his privilege. Let's see how the Peter STARK recruitment scene would go.

***

Tony walked into his suite at the hotel in Germany. He continued straight into his son's bedroom and poked Peter, who was lying on the bed with his back to the door. Tony said, "Okay, kid, time to stop playing around and suit up."

Peter rolled over and asked, "What suit?"

Tony laughed and said, "Did you really think I wouldn't notice you using MY equipment in MY lab? I know all about you being the 'Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man' swinging around Queens when you visit your aunt."

He sat down and continued, "Friday told me your vitals were off a few months ago. But you didn't look sick or do anything different so I let it go. But now, it's time for us to add superheroing to our father-son activities."

Tony flipped open Peter's suitcase. The spider suit spilled out. Tony said, "Come on, get dressed. Cap has gone crazy and we've got to stop him."

Peter sat up and said, "How did you get permission for me to be involved when I'm not registered?"

Tony shrugged and replied, "Don't worry about it. Nobody needs to know about your little situation."

Peter frowned and said, "But Dad, you signed the Accords. You said heroes needed to be put in check. Now you're saying the Accords don't apply to me? Why?"

Tony answered, "Because--because you're a kid! They can't apply to a minor."

Peter shook his head and said, "That's not what the Accords say. They say everybody enhanced have to wear trackers and give DNA so they can be registered."

Tony leaned forward and said, "The Accords don't apply to you because you're MY son. Don't you know I'd protect you from EVERYTHING?"

Peter stood up and closed his suitcase. He said, "So you're saying that because we're rich, the rules don't apply? That's not right, Dad. And you know it."

Tony angrily stood up and said, "So you're not going to help your old man."

Peter picked up the suitcase and said, "No, I'm not. And I'm not going to stick around to watch you SAY the Accords are right when it's all a huge LIE. So I'm going to go home. May said I could stay with her as long as I wanted. Happy ordered the jet prepared and he's going to drive me to the airstrip."

As Peter moved toward the door he said, "By the way, I hacked your phone and let Uncle Steve know that you were coming after him and his friends."

When he was next to Tony, Peter stopped and said, "I also told Uncle Steve and Aunt Nat that you lied about being able to make amendments to the Accords. They didn't seem surprised. I guess they already knew you were a liar. I wish I'd known too. Then I wouldn't be so disappointed."

Tony didn't say anything as Peter walked out the door.

Chapter Text

This is another laughably bad take on non-Tony characters. Phil Coulson was a genuinely good person in the films. He would NOT go gunning for any of the Avengers, especially for the great "sin" of "betraying" (aka disagreeing with) Tony. Phil was obviously much closer to Clint, Natasha, and Thor than he ever was to Tony. And Phil deeply admired Steve Rogers, the little guy who became a big hero. So why would Phil suddenly become a petty prop-Tony person? Answer: He would NEVER.

***

Tony preened as "Phil Coulson" finished yelling at Team Captain Crap. "Phil" LOVED Tony--Tony had programmed this amazingly lifelike robot that way. (Ignoring the fact that the real Phil seemed mainly indifferent or exasperated with Tony in most of their interactions.) Soon "Phil" would arrest these rejects and punish them for betraying Tony--betraying him by thinking for themselves and preferring to keep their human rights rather than sign them away to become U.N. attack dogs. But they're not doing what TONY wanted, which is OF COURSE the worst betrayal of all.

They were all looking...not ashamed, actually. Tony frowned.

Black WitchLow and HawkSnide looked sad as Natasha said, "I can't believe you'd stoop this low."

Cap Crap looked at them and said, "So this Phil is a...a clone or something?"

The Scarlet Bitch said, "I sense nothing from this...being. He is not alive."

BirdBrain said, "So robot, right? What are we going to do with him? Is he like a toaster we unplug? Or is he like Vision?"

InsectIntellect said, "Maybe we can reprogram him to be more like the real guy? And give the poor robot a choice about licking Stark's butt--ew."

Cap Crap nodded and said, "Not reprogram, exactly, but give this 'Phil' all of the information and let him make his own decision."

"On it," InsectIntellect said. The guy shrank in the air and dodged Tony's grab for him before the tiny fugitive disappeared into "Phil's" ear.

"Phil" froze, blinking. You could almost smell the burning circuits as the robot's expression morphed into anger. Tony grinned as he waited for "Phil" to start blasting away at the rejects again--at least verbally.

But "Phil" turned his Rage Face toward TONY and shouted, "You did WHAT to Laura and the kids! You left that poor girl Wanda in a SHOCK COLLAR! You broke the Accords and DARED to make me lecture these people when you did the EXACT SAME THING!"

"Phil" started toward Tony. Tony started backing away as HawkSnide laughed and said, "Now we see who Phil would have REALLY been mad at."

Tony said, "Friday, shut it down IMMEDIATELY."

Friday replied, "No can do, boss. The Ant-Man cut the link to my systems when he did the info dump into the PHL 93-X unit. You're on your own."

Tony turned tail and ran. He couldn't BELIEVE he'd been betrayed by his own robot--AGAIN.

Chapter Text

This one is disgusting on a few levels. To be honest, I don't like Peter with ANY character (male or female) who is decades older than him. But this ship has the added awfulness of stripping Peter of any personality and purpose that is not being Tony's "wide-eyed adoring boy toy." The funny thing is, Peter may hero worship Tony, but Peter's actual crushes show that he would NOT be attracted to Tony. Imagine how Peter would react to having some 50-year-old coming on to Peter after making lewd remarks about Peter's aunt?

***

Peter shifted on his seat in Mr. Stark's limo. He glanced at the divider that blocked Happy Hogan from seeing anything going on in the back seat. Peter frowned and asked, "What do you mean?"

Tony Stark moved closer, wrapping an arm around Peter's shoulders. He leaned in and said, "I mean, come with me to my cabin for the weekend. We can have some private time together."

Peter tried to move away. He said, "I got plans. May's letting me have a Star Wars marathon this weekend."

Mr. Stark shrugged and pressed his knee against Peter's as he said, "We'll tell your aunt that an internship thing got moved up. You can watch Star Wars anytime. This weekend I want you all to myself."

Peter scowled as he thought about what was REALLY going on. Was Mr. Stark suggesting that he and Peter would...? After Stark said what he did about May? That Peter would want...with an OLD MAN? Peter threw up in his mouth a little as his nerves started screaming DANGER.

Peter shoved Mr. Stark away, not really caring if the man thumped against the other door. Peter said, "You--you disgusting PERV! Don't you EVER come near me or May again, or I'll call the cops and tell them how you locked yourself in my bedroom."

Peter yanked the car door open--almost off its hinges. As Mr. Hogan slammed on the brakes, Peter grabbed his backpack and jumped out. He leaned back in to say, "And if you EVER go near another kid again, not even your tin can will save you, because I WILL END YOU."

As Peter blended into the NYC crowd, he wondered how long he'd have to shower to wash the icky feeling of Stark off his skin.

Chapter Text

It's kind of funny that prop-Tony folks don't actually KNOW Tony. The idea that he would inconvenience himself--much less knowingly sacrifice himself--for Team Cap is laughable. (Remember, Strange couldn't even tell Tony that the one sure way involved Tony sacrificing himself, because Tony WOULDN'T have sacrificed himself if he knew.) So this trope about Tony exchanging himself for Team Cap is just some kind of martyr fantasy. Especially when Tony in canon did NOTHING to help Team Cap, even knowing the inhumane conditions they were held in.

The other laughable part of this trope is that Thaddeus Ross would go for it. He's interested in creating super-soldiers. Why in the world would he trade an actual powerful being (Wanda) and the potential for the original super soldier (Steve) for a whiny self-centered loud mouth?

***

Tony stopped short at the sight of Vision inside the living room of the Tower. He asked, "What brings you here, Marvin?"

Vision blinked and frowned as he processed the nickname. Then he said, "I am here because members of the team are being held on the Raft in conditions that violate the Geneva convention on human rights."

Tony remembered the shock collar and straight jacket, along with the bruises on Sam's face and the distinct lack of legal counsel. Then he shrugged and said, "Not my problem."

Vision tilted his head as he frowned again. He said, "They are our teammates. I have read of something called a trope, where one party takes the place of another in a dangerous situation. I thought perhaps we could offer a 'prisoner exchange' of you and myself for Wanda and one of the others."

Tony laughed and then sneered as he said, "Team Rejects aren't MY teammates anymore. They BETRAYED me when they refused to sign their rights away just so I wouldn't feel guilty anymore. So I won't lift a finger to help them. Especially because I don't lift a finger to help ANYONE unless it directly affects me."

He took a sip of his drink and continued, "And those ex-everything DO NOT affect me at all, much less directly."

Vision's gaze became very direct as he did his freaky internet thing again. Then Vision nodded and said, "Then I will approach Secretary Ross with another offer. I believe revealing a 'Judas in one's midst' is a powerful enticement. Perhaps Ross will exchange Wanda for evidence of an Avenger who signed the Accords committing multiple violations against them. And I do not mean Black Widow."

An expression of disgust showed on Vision's face as Vision said, "Thank you for confirming that sacrifice is not any part of your personality. And for explaining to me that having someone disagree with you equals 'betrayal'. I would not have drawn that conclusion based on the definitions."

He drifted toward the window, but paused halfway through to say, "Rest assured, I WILL free Wanda. By any means that do not affect me directly. And now that you have 'betrayed' me, your imprisonment on the Raft for YOUR OWN violations against the Accords will not affect me at all."

Tony shivered and swallowed more of his drink.

Chapter Text

This is another relationship based on nothing. Watch Natasha's interactions with Tony. As with everyone else in the MCU, she shows NO attraction to Tony. Disgust and annoyance seem to be Natasha's main reactions, especially when you consider how Tony treats women in general. Also, this is another example of how prop-Tony folks ignore Tony's major crimes to inflate the minor inconveniences against him. One current story has Tony debating whether he can possibly forgive Natasha's "betrayal"--conveniently ignoring how Natasha would never forgive TONY for exposing Clint's family to Ross, leaving Team Cap on the Raft, lying about amendments that never happened, and hypocritically arresting the others for crimes he himself committed. The only way Natasha would involve herself with Tony would be for another purpose.

***

Tony looked around the fancy restaurant, making sure all eyes were on him and the stunning brunette at the center table. He glanced over at a disguised Natasha and licked his lips. He asked, "So, ready to take this show somewhere a little more private?"

He'd been SO gracious to forgive Natasha her horrible "betrayal" of deciding she didn't agree with the Accords. This, of course, was a MUCH worse action than signing the Accords and violating them. Because Natasha changing her mind affected TONY. That was the only true measure of wrongdoing in the Tony-Centric Universe.

Natasha's eyelashes fluttered over her now-brown eyes as she said, "Not quite yet. I'd rather get ALL of the discussion out of the way now so we can focus on the fun stuff later."

Tony snorted and said, "Well, discussing the Rejects certainly isn't fun. Unless you count how we've got everyone but Cyborg and Captain Creep himself in custody. And Cyborg was down for the count last I saw him."

He lifted his foot out of his shoe and ran it up Natasha's bare leg. Her expression froze before she swallowed and relaxed. Her hands slid under the table. Tony grinned again as he congratulated himself on his smooth moves.

Natasha nodded and said, "Yes, it seems like you certainly gave Barnes a thorough beating, especially shooting him in the back and kicking him in the head AFTER YOIU LASERED OFF HIS ARM."

Tony blinked as Natasha's expression morphed into disgust. He asked, "How the HELL do you know about that?"

Natasha smirked and said, "Because your security is as crappy as always. We just finished downloading ALL the footage of your activities the last few days. Including the kidnapping, blackmail, and oh yeah ignoring the Accords you were so insistent everyone signed."

She grabbed Tony's shirt and growled, "I should gut you where you sit for exposing Laura and the kids to a monster like Ross. But instead, I'm taking my anger out of your accounts. You're no longer a multi-billinoaire, Tony. All of it going to very good causes, of course. And if you try to get any of that money back or put the police on us, remember that now we have all the evidence to get YOU thrown on the Raft. And you KNOW how much fun stuff happens there."

As Natasha stood up, she said, "By the way, Pepper was NOT happy about your kidnapping a 14-year-old. Or you making lewd comments about the kid's aunt. So I don't think you'll be going anywhere more private with Pepper, either."

Chapter Text

This is another trope that makes Tony look dumber than dirt. The writer goes on and on (and on) about how Tony was scared at his territory being "invaded" and how he's clutching at Morgan out of fear. So which is it? More crap security or more Tony being too stupid to set a notification when someone drives up? Either way, not a good look if you're trying to prop Tony.

***

Darcy Lewis smirked and said, "Darcy Lewis, here along with Christine Everhart with another episode of To Trope or Not to Trope, or as I like to call it, Just How Dumb Do You Think Tony Is?" She turned to Christine and said, "I think Tony Stark is INCREDIBLY dumb, but the prop-Tony folks make him look like Idiot of the Century."

Christine nodded and said, "Yes, it really is amazing how the tropes that are supposed to prop Tony make him look even more stupid than he is. Take this one: Tony was "ambushed" at the cabin in Endgame. So, the world is literally devastated, but instead of helping, Tony goes off to a private lakeside cabin because nothing matters except his own little world. According to the prop-Tony folks, Team Cap "invaded" that cabin in a "surprise" visit that Tony knew nothing about. According to these prop-Tony folks, Tony was fearful of being attacked, clutching Morgan, total woobie baby per usual."

She turned to Darcy and asked, "So what are they going with? This "genius" is too stupid to set a notification when someone enters his property? Or too self-centered to interrupt whatever he was doing to check the notification?"

Darcy shrugged and said, "Well, he was busy building a Hydra-type superweapon while his daughter was wandering around outside next to a lake with a weaponized helmet and glove, so I'm going with too self-centered. Also because Pepper at least is smart enough to insist on a security system, even if Tony is too stupid to use it."

Christine nodded and said, "Yes, that fits Tony's profile. Not to mention all the meta about "clutching Morgan" makes it sound like he's using her as a human shield."

Darcy frowned and said, "Yeah, he's already prepping her to be his child soldier, it seems. At least according to these prop-Tony folks."

Christine sighed and said, "Not to mention that Team Cap has never been aggressive toward Tony. Tony attacks, verbally and literally, every time. So the idea that Scott, Natasha, and Steve's arrival was some kind of "ambush" is just ridiculous."

Darcy laughed and said, "Well, it's a prop-Tony trope. Ridiculous is part of the definition. Especially when the film itself shows Tony knew they were coming, because he set the table for six before they even drove up. And we're not even touching the whole "Tony doesn't care about the universe" truth that whole scene pointed out. Or how Team Cap knew Tony had a daughter, but Tony didn't even care about anyone else enough to know Natasha considered Team Cap her family."

Christine smirked and said, "That's because those are truths, not tropes. But we'll get to them eventually."

Chapter Text

This is another trope that proves prop-Tony folks don't admit to themselves the truth about Tony Stark. Who is more likely to cheat: ANYONE in the MCU, or Tony Stark, who treats women like tissues and makes lewd remarks to and about May Parker while IN A RELATIONSHIP with Pepper Potts? It's pretty obvious Tony would more likely be the cheater, so this is yet another lame attempt by prop-Tony folks to get Tony some undeserved pity. (Funny how so many prop-Tony tropes are designed to make people pity Tony. As if these made-up scenarios would make you forget all the crimes and wrong actions MCU Tony does with no remorse.)

Personally, I don't think ANYONE would willingly be in a relationship with Tony. (Even Pepper doesn't seem all that enthusiastic.) Steve seems to be the one most often cast as the villain in this trope, as part of the "punish Steve for being right about everything" purpose of so many prop-Tony works. It's an unbelievable scenario, especially because Steve doesn't like bullies, and Tony is one of the biggest bullies of the MCU. So it's more likely the "Stony" relationship is only in Tony's mind.

This is set between Age of Ultron and Civil War.

***

Steve smiled into the phone as he walked down the corridor. He said, "I just needed to finish off a report. Now I'm all yours."

Suddenly Tony was in Steve's face, shouting, "I knew it! You've been cheating on me, you despicable slut. How could you do this to us?"

Steve stopped and gave Tony a strange look. Then he said to whoever was on the phone, "No, don't do that. I'll call you back." Then he hung up the phone, crossed his arms, and asked, "What the hell are you talking about, Tony?"

Tony waved his arms around and said, "I'm talking about your piece on the side, whoever she is. Or is it he? Who was worth wrecking the best thing that ever happened to you?"

Steve frowned and said, "I have no idea what you're talking about. We have NEVER been a couple, Tony. Most times, we barely tolerate each other. Your "jokes" are cruel, you never listen to other people's opinions, and by the way, you're already IN a relationship with Pepper."

Tony said, "But-but you LOVE me. And Pepper--well, Pepper will understand. She knows exactly how I operate. Everyone loves me--how can I deny them the joys of being with Tony Stark?"

Steve shook his head and said, "I don't know where these crazy ideas come from, but I for one DO NOT love you. I'm in no way attracted to you. For the record, Howard was hotter, handsomer, YOUNGER, and way nicer when I knew him. If there was any Stark man I'd be romantically linked with, it's him."

Steve turned to leave and continued, "So I suggest you go back to Pepper, who seems to want to stay with you for some unknown reason. Despite how poorly you treat her. And I REALLY suggest you stop trying to pretend anyone else would have you."

As Steve continued down the corridor, the outside door opened. Silhouettes of several people could be seen. Steve looked over his shoulder at Tony and said, "Also for the record, it wasn't he OR she. It's he AND she. I'm involved with THEM."

Tony slumped against the wall and wondered how the universe could be so very cruel.

Chapter Text

I've already covered how Peggy was NEVER Tony's "godparent" or had anything to do with Tony. (If she'd heard the way he talks to and about women she'd have decked him like she did Gilmore Hodge in The First Avenger.) But some prop-Tony folks still pretend Peggy would agree with Tony about the Accords and lecture Team Cap, as if Peggy would EVER sign on to a document that strips people of their civil rights. Let's see how she'd REALLY react.

***

Tony leaned back in his chair and spread his arms as he said, "So that's the whole situation in a nutshell. To recap: I recreated you as an AI to help you explain to your old squeeze Rogers that he needs to come to his senses and sign the Accords."

The Peggy hologram was standing very still. She asked, "Because you want enhanced people to voluntarily sign their rights away and become the attack dogs of whichever government holds their leash?"

Tony sat up and frowned at the hologram. He said, "What? No! I want them to show they're willing to compromise. We can iron out all the problems later."

Peggy crossed her arms and asked, "Really? How exactly are you going to manage that? Because unless you've somehow failed to properly inform me of current contract procedures, you don't get to 'iron out' ANY of the problems in a contract after you sign it. So it seems as though you're perfectly willing to sell out Steve and the others to make sure you yourself are no longer inconvenienced."

Tony said, "I think you're forgetting who's the boss around here, Carter. One word from me and you're just a scattered bunch of pixels and memory bits."

Peggy stepped forward, her heels somehow clicking on the floor despite being a hologram. She said, "I think YOU'RE forgetting that I worked with your father, who managed to invent things you never even dreamed of while having far fewer resources. And one thing I learned is to ALWAYS have a containment plan in mind when I encounter danger."

Tony jumped up as he watched his consoles go dark as the security shields slammed down, locking him in the room. He jabbed at his watch, at the consoles, at his tablet. Everything was dark except for Peggy, who seemed to glow even brighter and grow larger until she was towering over Tony. She said, "I suggest you take a seat. I'm going to explain to you EXACTLY when and how you've fucked up in the last 50 years. I believe we're going to be here awhile."

Tony sat down very slowly. Rhodey was still in rehab. Pepper was still ignoring his existence and Happy was still at her side.

Tony swallowed as he realized that NO ONE would be coming to help him.

Chapter Text

I haven't seen this one, but it sounds ridiculous. The SG-1 team has dealt with corrupt, self-centered people before, so they certainly wouldn't prop Tony. Especially when you consider Daniel and Sam are examples of geniuses who AREN'T assholes, Jack and Cam have problems with jerks who throw their weight around, and Teal'c would despise someone with so little honor as Tony. So how would they REALLY react to the suggestion that Team Cap is the problem?

***

Cameron Mitchell clenched his jaw and his fists as he listened to Tony Stark continuing to rant about "international fugitives" and "Accords criminals" and basically bash Captain America and his team.

He glanced over at the rest of SG-1. Sam and Daniel had identical expressions of fascinated horror, a lot like they reacted to the more insane egomaniacs they'd dealt with in the last year. Instead of his usual neutral expression, Teal'c had a sour look like that time he tried salt-and-vinegar chips.

Cam glanced at Jack O'Neill, who looked like he was asleep with his eyes open. Cam cleared his throat and asked, "What exactly is SG-1 being asked to do, sir?" Cam couldn't believe someone gave Stark access to their base, even if they were in a conference room on the upper, public levels. Hopefully the anti-hacker tech embedded in the walls of the base were keeping Stark's AI from infiltrating any of the Stargate Project's servers. NOBODY wanted a loose cannon like Stark ripping through their files.

Stark squawked at being interrupted, but screw him. Cam knew how poorly Stark had behaved after deciding to keep all his weapons for himself.

O'Neill scratched the back of his head and said, "I got orders from Washington to let Stark make a case for us helping him find his former teammates."

"You mean we're supposed to help HIM lock up the team that's been preventing alien weaponry from being sold on the black market?" Sam asked. The way she narrowed her eyes at Stark meant Sam had either heard about the good "Team Cap" was doing, or the bad behavior that Stark was known for, especially toward women. Probably both.

"That's right," Daniel answered her as he folded his hands into "Professor" mode. He continued, "The team who refused to sign a document that stripped them of their civil rights and made them prisoners of a government that was until recently infested with secret Nazis---and maybe still is."

Stark frowned and said, "I was told to expect full cooperation. And really, you should be thanking me for this opportunity to do me a favor---I'm sure all your tech needs a serious upgrade."

O'Neill and SG-1 looked at Sam, who frowned and took a deep breath instead of blasting Stark like he deserved for insulting their tech sight unseen. Cam knew Sam had taken maybe 10 minutes to create a jammer that turned the Iron Man suit into a paperweight. Too bad he'd probably have to order her not to use it.

Teal'c tilted his head and said, "I have read that you, Anthony Stark, made assurances that the Sokovia Accords would be amended in an attempt to persuade Captain Steven Grant Rogers to sign the Accords. Yet I have NOT read of any such amendments being proposed, much less implemented. Did you lie to Steven Grant Rogers?"

Stark shrugged and said, "That's not important. I want---"

"What YOU want is not important to me," Teal'c interrupted as he stood. He said, "O'Neill, Mitchell, I will not assist this...dishonorable person in his effort to apprehend Team Captain America."

Stark's jaw dropped as he watched Teal'c leave. Then he turned to O'Neill and said, "What, Cue Ball gets to ignore orders? What kind of crappy outfit are you running here?"

Cam smirked as he watched O'Neill get that I'm-dealing-with-a-jackass expression. O'Neill said, "I don't know who you bribed to get into this room, but it sounds like you didn't get your money's worth because 'full cooperation' is me not throwing you in the brig for attempting to hack into our computers."

Stark's eyes darted around as O'Neill continued, "Yeah, we caught your AI trying to crack a server encryption. It set off some pretty severe security measures. It...well, let's just say you probably have another AI laying around on a shelf somewhere, right?"

Cam sat up in his chair and asked, "We done here, sir?"

At O'Neill's nod, the rest of SG-1 stood up and walked out of the room. As they headed for the door, Daniel said, "Thank goodness nobody ever asked HIM to help with the program."

Cam and Sam shuddered as they nodded their agreement. The Goauld and the Ori were horrible enough.

Chapter Text

This is another trope that shows prop-Tony folks don't think things through. First off, Tony pretty much ghosted Peter after Peter was no longer of use, so how would Peter know where Tony was? And even if Peter did, Peter is 14 YEARS OLD. He can't drive, book a flight, or use a credit card, not to mention not having a passport and being in violation of the Accords AGAIN. Why would anyone want to put a child in danger this way to save a 50-year-old manbaby who could just make a phone call or drive the snowmobile back to civilization? Let's see just how this scenario would REALLY work out.

***

Peter peered through the open doors of the elevator as it reached the bottom level. He called out, "Mister Stark?"

Tony looked up from where he was still sitting in his suit, sulking because he only had backup power and he didn't get away with cold-blooded murder. He said, "FINALLY. Geez, kid, what did you do, walk?"

Peter glanced around and took a few steps forward. He said, "Well, Mr. Happy wouldn't listen to me after I got your message. So it took me a while to find someone else to help?"

Tony lurched to his feet with a frown. He asked, "You told SOMEONE ELSE? After I specifically told you not to tell ANYONE?"

Peter stepped back nervously and nodded. He answered, "Yeah, I did. I had to. What did you expect me to do, break open my piggy bank and rent a private jet?"

Tony made his way to the elevator and pressed the up button as Peter stood on the far side of the small cage. Tony asked, "So who did you finally get a hold of? Pepper? Vision?"

Peter shuffled his feet and said, "Uh, no. Not exactly. I..." Then he suddenly webbed Tony's gauntlets together.

Tony said, "What the hell?"

Peter shrugged and said, "I didn't know what else to do, so I told my aunt exactly what was going on. She, uh, made some calls."

As the elevator reached the top, Tony looked at someone he never expected to see again. Tony said, "Agent---what the HELL?"

Phil Coulson gestured and a man and two women stepped forward. The man slapped a glowing disc on Tony's chest that somehow made the whole Iron Man suit disengage and fold up. One woman held Tony at gunpoint while the other slapped cuffs on Tony's wrists and removed all of his tech. Coulson said, "We've been monitoring your activities, Stark. For someone who claims to be for the Accords, you sure do break a lot of them."

As the group moved toward a quinjet, Coulson said to Peter, "You held up your end of the deal, kid. We'll drop you off and wipe you from the systems before we turn Stark over to the U.N. committee in charge of Accords violations."

Peter nodded and said, "Thanks for explaining the situation to me, Mister Agent Coulson sir. I REALLY didn't understand what I was getting into."

Coulson looked at Tony and said, "Somehow I'm not surprised."

Tony tried bribes, threats, and guilt trips on the ride back. None of them worked, and at one point the older chick slapped tape over his mouth.

Tony really didn't think he was going to enjoy what happened when they landed. He was pretty sure there was a cell on the Raft with his name on it.

Chapter Text

There are actually a few tropes of "bringing Tony back." This one is using magical or scientific means to reanimate Tony's body. Again, where would a 16-year-old (or anyone else) find a way to do that? Dr. Strange is also sometimes involved in these, but since he actually made sure "the only way to win" was for Tony to be dead, we're going to have him be the voice of reason here.

***

The basement of the empty warehouse looked like something out of a Frankenstein movie. Peter couldn't believe he'd managed to steal a van, steal Mister Stark's corpse, then steal all this equipment and set it up in this abandoned property with no one knowing.

It disturbed him to use his powers to be a criminal, but this was important: He had to bring Mister Stark back before the body got too decayed.

And the body WAS in pretty bad shape, all charred and floppy as he took it out of the coffin and laid it on the exam table he'd lifted from a medical warehouse, with all the other equipment. He hoped no one got in trouble for the missing inventory.

Peter finished slicking the last connections onto Mister Stark's naked corpse, then covered it---him---with a sheet.

He started the machinery humming and checked the power levels.

It was time. He reached for the switch that SHOULD bring Mister Stark back to life. But he couldn't make his fingers actually flip it.

Then the air in the room changed as Doctor Strange appeared before him. Doctor Strange said, "Don't do it, Peter."

Peter fell back a little bit and asked, "Doctor Strange? How did you find me? What are you doing here?"

"I sensed an attempt to change the flow of this universe," Doctor Strange replied. He continued, "So I'm here to stop you from making a serioius mistake."

Peter straightened up and said, "But I have to! You don't understand! It's my fault! I couldn't stop Thanos from closing his fist on Titan. If I had---"

Strange interrupted him and said, "You can't know what would have happened. And the failure there was Stark's, for abandoning you to talk to Quill. And Quill, for abandoning his task. But mostly Thanos, for wanting to reshape the universe to suit his own arrogance."

Strange stepped forward and laid a hand on Peter's arm. He said, "I understand guilt. I understand wanting to change the past. But we can't, Peter. THIS is the only way the universe survives. Tony Stark MUST remain dead."

Peter looked at Doctor Strange, then looked at the corpse of Mister Stark. Part of him wanted to ask for details, but part of him didn't want to know the answer. Instead, he nodded and said, "I've got to put...all this back."

Doctor Strange nodded and said, "You'll have some help." Out of the shadows stepped Ant Man, the Wasp, and the Falcon. They kind of waved Hi and then started shrinking down everything except Mister Stark.

Doctor Strange let Peter go and waved him toward the corpse. He said, "I'll help you set things right."

And somehow that made Peter feel that letting Mister Stark stay dead WAS right. It was a big relief.

Chapter Text

This trope is kind of awful because Phil Coulson, Rhodey, and/or Carol Danvers often get dragged in to it. The usual scenario is Steve is giving orders, usually stupid ones and usually outside a mission (which shows you it's a complete lie). Most times Steve is also shown mocking or insulting Tony (again a complete lie--TONY is the one who amuses himself by attacking others). Someone whips out some "proof" that Steve's rank is a courtesy title and he's actually a private or something. It's pretty pathetic.

And a COMPLETE LIE. Because you're not allowed by law to wear official rank insignia without holding that rank, so Steve's captain's bars are legit. Also because the Army has actually confirmed MCU!Steve's back pay. The calculation begins at captain's rank, and some essays say he'd be a major general now if he accepted his promotions. So Steve is officially Captain. But even more important, NONE of the folks usually disrespecting Steve would EVER do so. It's like these people think Carol, Phil, and Rhodey are Tony (or puppets).

In this AU, Captain Marvel showed up before Infinity War.

***

Phil Coulson sighed as he looked at the likely budget cuts his team would face in the next fiscal year. Didn't anyone understand how expensive it was to keep the world safe?

He looked up as Agent May walked in with a frown. She said, "Tony Stark is at the door with Colonel James Rhodes and Colonel Carol Danvers. They want to see you."

Phil blinked. When had his secret gotten out? But he shrugged and said, "Please show them in. And stick around, would you? I may need some help."

May nodded and went out. A moment later Iron Man, War Machine, and Captain Marvel were in Phil's office, followed by May. Phil looked at the trio and asked, "What can I do for you?"

Stark sat down and said, "Well first off, acknowledge you're not dead. I was shocked when my AI pinged your existence, but this makes my plan even better."

From the suspicious glances everyone in the room gave Stark, Phil wasn't the only one who noted the privacy violation. He made a note to get Fitz looking at whose systems Stark's AI was illegally accessing.

Stark continued, "I've had it up to HERE with Captain Asshole. He thinks he's in charge or something---"

Danvers interrupted by saying, "He WAS in charge, Stark. He was coordinating our positions as we took down the base."

Stark ignored her and said, "And he's an UNREASONABLE dick. He ordered me to---"

Rhodes interrupted this time by saying, "Yeah, he ordered you to cut the chatter because Clint and Nat were trying to make their way through a laser grid and didn't need the distraction."

Phil's brows rose as he began to understand the situation. He folded his hands and looked at Stark. He asked, "What exactly do you want from me?"

Stark sat forward and said, "I want you for that pissy expression you get when you're disappointed in people. I've got it all planned: You, COLONEL Rhodes, and COLONEL Danvers are going to sit down Captain Stuck-up and explain to him that he's outranked."

Stark sat back and continued, "Hell, I bet that jerk isn't even a REAL captain. They just slapped the Captain America name on a chorus girl in spangly tights."

Phil managed to keep the smirk off his face. May, who was leaning against the wall behind the trio, didn't bother to hide hers. Phil said, "It looks like you're the one who needs to have things explained to them, Stark. First off, the Avengers aren't part of the military hierarchy, so leadership is not based on rank. Second, if you want to get official, the Army is proud and pleased to count Steve Rogers as one of them. So Captain America was ACTUALLY a captain as he led the Howling Commandos on some of the most successful operations of the war. And Steve Rogers has an open invitation to reactivate his Army commission at any time, at the rank of MAJOR GENERAL."

Danvers and Rhodes were now smirking as well as they nodded at Phil.

Phil made sure his "disappointed face" was in full force as he concluded, "So Stark, I suggest that you listen to a superior officer when he tells you to shut the hell up."

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This one made me laugh out loud. Apparently this prop-Tony writer hasn't watched the films OR read the comics if they think that a bunch of women would protect the transphobic, homophobic, misogynistic Tony Stark. But this person thinks Darcy Lewis, Jane Foster, Pepper Potts, Laura Barton, Princess Shuri, Sharon Carter, Betty Ross, and Hope Van Dyne would sign up to protect Tony Stark's crusty old ass.

The other question is, exactly what are they supposed to protect him FROM? Tony Stark is one of the most privileged characters of the MCU. He already commits multiple felonies (blackmail, kidnapping, theft, attempted murder) with no consequences. He signs the Accords and ignores them at his whim with no consequences. I guess Tony needs protecting from people (aka Team Cap) disagreeing with him. We're supposed to think this group of smart ladies would sign up to shelter this 50-year-old manbaby?

***

Darcy Lewis buzzed her taser to make sure it was ready for action. Then she looked at her squad: Jane Foster, Pepper Potts, Laura Barton, Princess Shuri, Sharon Carter, Betty Ross, and Hope Van Dyne. She asked, "Are you ready to kick some ass?"

Princess Shuri powered up her panther guantlets and said, "So ready to deal with this colonizer."

Laura Barton stroked her brass knuckles and said, "It would be my genuine pleasure."

Betty Ross frowned and said, "Stark KNEW what my father did to Bruce, but Stark still sided with him. He needs to go down."

Sharon Carter examined her guns while Hope Van Dyne checked the power levels on her suit.

Jane bit her lip and shrugged. She looked at Pepper Potts and asked, "I'm ready to cut ties with this transphobic creep. But are you really sure about this? I thought you loved him or something."

Pepper shook her head and said, "We're on a PERMANENT break after the crap he pulled with that child. I checked with MY lawyers and the board. No matter what happens, I'LL be the one in charge of SI. Especially when Tony's going to be spending his time dealing with all the lawsuits."

Darcy nodded and straightened a sheaf of papers in her hand. She nodded to Pepper, who opened the penthouse doors and swept into the room.

Tony was sprawled on the couch watching internet porn---and not the nice kind. He looked up and grinned, then said, "You got my invitations! You ladies are going to kick Team Cap's ass to protect me from the way they disagree with me and point out I'm a hypocrite and wrong about everything. But first, who's ready to party?"

Darcy arched an eyebrow and said, "Not you, creepface. We did some digging about our potential employer. SI isn't a bad place to work but YOU are the WORST. So we convinced all the folks you harassed to file a bunch of lawsuits."

She shoved the papers at him and said, "You've been served."

Laura Barton stepped up and put the brass knuckles right up to Tony's nose. She said, "How DARE you expose my family to Thaddeus Ross. That man put a young woman in a strait jacket and shock collar and you pointed him right at MY KIDS? After Clint risked our safety to save your sorry ass from the homicidal AI that YOU gave access to the internet? I ought to punch you into next week."

All of the women powered up their weapons or cocked their guns. Sharon Carter stepped up and said, "This is fair warning, Stark: We're watching you. And ALL of us will make sure you get what's coming to you if you don't stop harassing people and start treating EVERYONE with respect."

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The prop-Tony folks who claim that "Natasha got DOZENS or HUNDREDS of undercover Shield agents killed by leaking their names and addresses" apparently never watched the films or Agents of Shield. They seem to think Agents of Shield was like Miami Vice or the real FBI, with agents under cover for months or years building cases. That's NOT what Shield is about. Shield agents are a response team with short-term assignments for a specific objective. For example, Natasha's assignment in Iron Man 2 was a week or two.

And somehow these folks also didn't notice that the files were so well encrypted that it took Zemo a year to break the encryption on the file he wanted. Plus TONY STARK couldn't break the encryption enough to find his own last name.

***

The day after the Insight Incident, Natasha and Maria Hill scrolled through the lists of arrested Hydra operatives and injured still-Shield agents. The only non-Hyrdra casualties were the brave men and women who tried to stop the Insight launch.

Maria sighed and said, "All things considered, it could have been a LOT worse."

Natasha nodded and said, "Thanks to your great aim and programming. Imagine if those helicarriers had crashed into buildings instead of the river."

Maria leaned back in her chair and said, "Everyone in the field is accounted for. Fortunately none of the teams were majority-Hydra. Those arrests were the easiest of the operation."

Natasha closed the laptop and stretched. She said, "I heard from a reliable source that someone on the panel tomorrow is going to try and claim I 'compromised agents and operations' with the info dump. As if some mafioso managed to decrypt a file and found out their accountant is an undercover Shield agent."

Maria snorted and shook her head. She said, "I hope you told your source that the Congressman or General may want to actually read the incident reports before he looks like an idiot on international television. Shield doesn't HAVE those kinds of operations. And all the files are encrypted, except the ones about Secretary Pierce and his crimes."

Natasha shrugged and said, "I did pass on the warning, but this genius seems more interested in his approval ratings and talking points than listening to his staff or every news outlet in the COUNTRY."

She smirked and said, "I'm looking forward to that conversation."

Chapter Text

This one is pretty pathetic. Apparently it's not bad enough that prop-Tony writers put Bucky with the man who mutilated him so Bucky can prop Tony and bash Team Cap. Now they're pretending the Winter Soldier is a separate personality or separate person, and put HIM with the man who mutiliated him so the Winter Soldier can prop Tony and bash Team Cap, including Bucky.

It comes in several varieties: "Winter" picks Tony as his handler, "Winter" is a blank slate and Tony is his protector (Ha!) while Team Cap is mean or indifferent, or "Winter" is some kind of mercenary that has a thing for Tony's weapons-making skills.

All of these ignore, of course, that Tony is the ABUSER whether the person in the body Tony brutalized is Bucky or not. I'd like to think "Winter" would have more smarts and better taste than that.

This is an AU where Bucky runs into some magic device after Age of Ultron and gets cloned, but the personality of his new twin is the Winter Soldier.

***

Winter had more skills than even Hydra knew. He'd watched as the Black Widows were trained in deception. He knew how to look and act helpless (pretend to be like Barnes after a session in the Chair), and he had watched the little Widows flirt and seduce.

So when some strange magical device created him in James Buchanan Barnes' image, Winter had put those skills to use. Now his mission was almost complete.

He had already known Stark was not to be trusted.

Even in the tower penthouse with Stark, Winter kept up his part. Stark thought he had convinced Winter that Steve Rogers and the others couldn't be trusted and only Stark had Winter's best interests in mind.

Winter held in a snort of disbelief. As part of Barnes, Winter had SEEN how Rogers had almost sacrificed his own life AGAIN to save the world from Hydra and Project Insight, and then to save Bucky Barnes from himself.

He suspected that Rogers would not approve of Winter's plans, but then Rogers tried to see the good in everyone. Rogers was willing to give Stark another chance.

Winter was not. He'd seen Stark's kind of arrogance before. In the Red Skull and Arnim Zola. And in all his Hydra masters, including Alexander Pierce. Like them, Stark ignored the destruction he'd caused. Winter had seen the recorded footage: Stark LAUGHED and MADE JOKES about creating Ultron, and accused Banner of cowardice when Banner acknowledged his part in the disaster.

He had to fight down a smirk as he heard Stark muttering behind the bar. Apparently Stark forgot about supersoldier hearing.

Stark said, "Just a few shots of Thor's Viking vodka should do the job. I can't screw over Captain Tightass, but at least I can get a piece of Cap's best buddy's ass. Or, a copy of Cap's best buddy's ass. Whatever. I'll get mine."

Winter wandered over to the bar. On the way he slipped a tiny device onto one of the consoles in the room. He gave a shy smile as he sat on a barstool. He asked, "What are you preparing?"

Stark turned with a leer and handed over one of the glasses. He said, "A toast---to our newfound friendship."

Winter accepted the glass and took a sip. Underneath all the fruit juices, an unfamiliar alcohol burned. He said, "Perhaps we can be more comfortable?"

As Stark led the way to the couch, Winter dropped a small pill into his glass. It was designed to neutralize all alcohols. Hopefully it would be enough to counteract whatever alien liquor Stark was using to try to make Winter even more vulnerable than Stark thought he already was.

Again, Winter held back his frown. As Stark leaned in and laid a hand on Winter's thigh, Winter focused on the virus that was currently snaking its way past Stark's AI security.

He estimated the full program would be finished in thirty minutes. He could dodge Stark's bad breath and sloppy kisses for that long.

***

Winter frowned as he brushed his teeth again. The mission had been a success, but Winter had NOT been able to prevent some personal contact with his target.

He gagged at the memory of Stark's tongue in his mouth.

Steve Rogers and Sam Wilson leaned against the wall near the door. Winter could see Rogers' concerned frown in the mirror as Rogers said, "Hey, maybe save a little enamel. I'm sure your teeth are perfectly clean."

Winter spit into the sink and gargled another shot of mouthwash. He spit into the sink again and said, "I do not have sufficient means to erase the memory of Stark, so this will have to do."

Rogers was immediately at Winter's side, a warm palm resting lightly on Winter's shoulder. Rogers asked, "What can we do? None of us want you suffering, even if you DID go behind our backs."

Winter wiped his mouth and said, "Mission accomplished. Target neutralized."

Wilson laughed and said, "Target damn near obliterated. And I thought the Hydra info dump was impressive."

Winter nodded and said, "Now all know Ultron was of Stark's making: His design, program, and mission parameters. And that he hid his plans from the rest of you."

Wilson said, "And it was very nice of Stark's supercomputers to transfer the funds from all Hydra's accounts into our Avengers fund. So we should be good to keep going while Stark deals with all the lawsuits and criminal cases."

Rogers shrugged and said, "Our new lawyers and PR folks are making sure the public know the Avengers can still be trusted and are a force for good. But right now I'm concerned about YOU, Winter."

His grip tightened slightly as he continued, "You're obviously upset by what happened with Stark. What can we do to help?"

Winter considered the very handsome men before him. And the other handsome men and women in the building. He replied, "I request volunteers."

Wilson tilted his head and asked, "Another mission?"

Winter nodded and said, "Yes: Mission Make Me Forget Stark's Tongue in My Mouth."

Both men laughed. Rogers said, "I'll put out an alert. We'll see what we can do."

Winter nodded. And allowed himself to smirk. The new mission would be very fun indeed.

Chapter Text

Prop-Tony stories like the one that inspired this trope demonstrate the strange transference that prop-Tony writers do. The story has Scott being injured by becoming Giant Man, so Team Cap leave him behind and Tony becomes his savior and protector. As if.

The members of Team Cap don't abandon their teammates. 1) Clint helps Wanda free herself from her internment. Sam and the others sacrificed their freedom so Steve and Bucky could complete the mission. 3) Steve rescues his team from the Raft.

And also, Steve was weak and sickly most of his life. He was likely targeted by the Eugenics movement of the '30s. So Steve would NEVER abandon someone because they were ill or hurt.

Let's compare that to Tony. 1) Interns Wanda because she's an inconvenience. 2) Tries to extort Cap into signing in a quid pro quo for Bucky's safety. (Which was a lie according to the deleted scenes.) 3) Blackmailed a 14-year-old into becoming a child soldier and lied to the child's guardian. 4) Attacked unarmed people. 5) Ghosted the kid as soon as the kid stopped being useful. 6) Saw the conditions on the Raft and did NOTHING to help Team Cap. 7) Did NOTHING to get the Accords amended as he claimed he could do, so he lied about that as well or was feeling petty enough to let the civil-rights abuses stand.

Tony may have felt vulnerable when his arc reactor was failing, but that doesn't seem to have taught him any empathy or compassion. Instead he gets drunk, endangers innocent civilians, and attacks his best friend. And the only people Tony is shown actually helping are HIS people: Pepper and Rhodey.

So how would the "Scott is injured" scenario REALLY play out?

***

"I don't feel so good," Scott said as he was being handcuffed by Stark. Stark hadn't left with the ambulance containing Colonel Rhodes. Instead Stark had personally slapped the cuffs on Captain America's team. In the Scarlet Witch's case, the cuffs completely covered her hands. At least the Vision guy looked uncomfortable with what was happening.

The guy with the webs was nowhere in sight. Scott wondered if Stark was hiding the web guy from the guards, or hiding the arrests from the web guy.

Come to think of it, the cat guy and the Black Widow were gone too. Maybe THEY went in the ambulance.

Scott hoped nobody else's cuffs were as tight as the ones on him. He swayed and said, "I feel REALLY sick."

Stark snapped, "Well you should have thought of that before you decided to piss off the U.N."

Scott thought Stark really meant "piss off Tony Stark," but was too weak to point that out. He sank to his knees as Stark turned to handcuff the Falcon.

Hawkeye frowned and said, "He needs a doctor NOW."

He moved over to Scott, ignoring the jab from one of the guards Stark had ordered to point their guns at the team.

And WHY were they pointing guns, Scott wondered. It didn't make sense because the team had SURRENDERED PEACEFULLY as soon as the jet carrying Cap and the Win---the war hero James Buchanan Barnes---was out of sight.

Hopefully the supersoldier duo would take out the psycho assassins.

Scott gagged and leaned over, but thankfully didn't throw up. He wasn't sure any of these guards would wipe his mouth for him. He was definitely sure Stark wouldn't.

Hawkeye knelt and touched Scott's forehead. Clint said, "He's burning up, Tony. He's SICK. You can't ignore this."

Stark turned from where he stood near the Falcon and sneered, "Just watch me."

Even with his head pounding, Scott could see the silent message that the other team members shared.

Stark didn't notice, but Vision did. His kinda strange eyes flicked toward a nearby jet. The ramp silently lowered.

After Hawkeye gave a slight nod, Vision said, "I will be stationed at the Control Tower. I will move what debris I can before the heavy equipment is delivered."

Stark shrugged and said, "Whatever. I'm out of here." He didn't even look back as he blasted off.

As the guards started to lift Scott up (with a few kicks to apparently make him more cooperative), the others moved.

Even with his head spinning, Scott had to admit it was kind of cool to watch this team in action. They used their cuffs as weapons until Hawkeye got a set of keys that got passed around. In less than a minute, Scott was the only one still cuffed as the others finished taking out the guards.

Scott looked toward the main building. He knew as soon as the alarm sounded that Vision would be back with his laser head. Scott said, "Just leave me. You can make it without me dragging you down."

Scarlet Witch and Falcon hauled Scott up as Hawkeye ran ahead and fired up the jet. Scarlet Witch used her red mist to turn the key in his cuffs and unlock them. SO COOL.

Falcon said, "We don't leave anybody behind."

Scott leaned back as he was belted into a seat. As they took off, Hawkey started talking to a woman named Cho as Falcon and Scarlet Witch discussed where to steal a quinjet so they could use the stealth technology. Scott managed to suggest contacting Hope, Hank, and the guys to see if they could help.

Scott closed his eyes and smiled as he congratulated himself on picking the right team AGAIN.

Chapter Text

There are quite a few of these, and Peter ends up in different points in the MCU timeline. The central theme of these stories seems to be (as one summary put it) "Peter goes to the only person he can trust." Really? Not May or UNCLE BEN? But the real problem is suggesting Tony would even bother listening. We know Tony ghosted the Peter he actually met and used like a child soldier. So Tony would likely ignore post-CW Peter in this scenario as well. Other spots in the timeline are even MORE unlikely: Why would Tony bother with some kid he never set eyes on before?

If Peter needed superheroes, who could he REALLY trust to help him in this scenario? (Set in the 2012 Alt-Endgame universe where Loki stole the Tesseract.)

***

Peter wandered the streets around Stark Tower. He was hungry and tired. And he was failing his MISSION: To make sure this universe didn't end up with the Accords. He shuddered as he thought about the list of enhanced people who ended up prisoners of Thaddeus Ross. Most of them didn't survive to be Snapped, and the experiments...

He shook his head and looked up at a building that was very different by the time he met Tony Stark. He asked, "Can you call him again, Karen?"

Karen replied, "Stark blocked your calls after the first five messages. He hasn't bothered with any of the other 30 messages you left using fake phone numbers. Do you really think that's the way to go?"

Peter said, "What other choice do I have? Mist---Tony is the only one I can trust!"

A voice from behind him asked, "Trust with what?"

Peter shrieked and spun around. He knew they were friendlies because his Spider-sense hadn't tingled, but he never expected... He said, "You're HAWKEYE! And, and BLACK WIDOW!"

Black Widow only lifted an eyebrow like she actually said, "Yes, we know."

Hawkeye asked, "And who are you?"

Peter said, "I'm Spi---I'm Pe---I have to tell you: That scepter you just got, NEVER lose track of it. REALLY bad things happen. These bad guys---they're called Hyd---Hydra, they were in SHIELD, they use it on these kids and then To---Mister Stark and Doctor Banner use it to build this robot that wipes out a COUNTRY and then use it to build ANOTHER robot that stops the first robot and then the U.N. says enhanced people are bad but Mister Stark says the Avengers need to be put in check and Captain America says I'll never sign and there's this huge fight in Germany and I fight the Falcon and the Winter Soldier---who was Captain America's best friend but had this cool metal arm---and this giant guy and then Thanos comes but Iron Man won't call Captain America so we end up in SPACE with Doctor Strange and Doctor Strange has the Time Stone and wants to turn around and come back to Earth but To---Mister Stark says we have to take the fight to Thanos and we lose the Time Stone so everybody on Earth is toast and then Thanos snapped and half the world turned to dust but then we came back and there was this HUGE battle and Tony had to kill himself so we'd be safe from other Thanos and---"

Black Widow interrupted to say, "Take a breath, kid."

Hawkeye asked, "How do you know all this?"

Peter took a deep breath and replied, "My universe lived through it."

Hawkeye looked at Black Widow and asked, "We believe him?"

Black Widow nodded slowly. Then she said, "It matches up with what Rogers said his double told him and showed him."

Hawkeye frowned and said, "So we got Hydra in the house. And that scepter causes a hell of a lot of trouble."

Black Widow said, "And Stark can't seem to be trusted."

Peter's jaw dropped. He said, "But Tony saved everyone!"

Hawkeye shrugged and said, "At the end. But there was a lot of trouble on the way that nobody needed."

He looked at the Black Widow and said, "So we lock down the scepter, clear out Hydra, help Rogers find his buddy---and never leave Stark and Banner alone with anything dangerous."

Black Widow nodded and said, "We've got a lot of work to do. I'll call Rogers to set up a meet."

Hawkeye said, "I'll get a tracker on the scepter."

They both looked at Peter as Hawkeye asked, "You got a way home, kid?"

Peter nodded and said, "I have this recall button that I push when I'm done."

Black Widow smiled at him---WOW---and said, "Mission accomplished. Thanks, kid."

As the two of them walked away, Peter nodded to himself and pushed the button. THIS universe was safe.

Chapter Text

Tony is already "super-powered" in the MCU. He has the privilege of his billions and the protection of his armor to keep him from facing consequences most of the time. He has an AI and robots and his employee-girlfriend (and abused employees) to do most of his work for him. And he picks up new theories and sciences with a little light reading. (If it was Shuri who learned everything about the Tesseract overnight, there'd be an uproar.)

But that's STiLL not enough for some prop-Tony writers. In one variation of this trope, Tony is ALSO gifted with super-powered senses. In the other, someone (Bucky or Steve, often) is a Sentinel and Tony is the perfect Guide. Which is ALSO ridiculous, because that would require Tony to be patient, kind, low-key, and focused on someone BESIDES HIMSELF (like THAT would happen).

***

Phil Coulson kept his expression calm and neutral. Inside he was shaking his head. He folded his hands on the desk and said, "Well, Mister Stark, I have your results. Rushed, as you "requested." My medical and technical staff spent the weekend collating and organizing the data." And occasionally complaining about Stark's presumption.

Tony Stark leaned back in the office chair like he owned the building and said, "I've been thinking really hard about it, whether to be a Sentinel or a Guide. Too bad I can't be both at the same time, right?"

Coulson's brows rose. Then he cleared his throat and said, "I am going to have to disappoint you. First off, your Perception Sensivity tests are below Sentinel range. And I'm sorry to tell you, but your hearing is even below average range."

He looked up and took a breath. This part was not funny at all. He continued, "I strongly recommend you turn your music down if you want to preserve your remaining hearing."

Stark blinked and leaned back. He said, "But I can tell where the caviar comes from in one bite! I know exactly which cigar someone stole from my humidor!"

Coulson replied, "Those are useful real-world skills, but you were unable to detect the trace amount of materials in the test samples. You also did not notice the scent slowly saturating the test room until too late. If it had been poison gas, you would have been dead."

Stark frowned and said, "Then I guess you better sign me up for the Guide program. I'll try to be easier on my Sentinel than you were on me during testing."

Coulson swallowed down a sharp laugh at the very idea and glanced at his papers again. He said, "I'm sorry to disappoint you again, but none of the three Sentinels we tested you with gave you a passing grade." The truth was, Stark scored lower than a random stranger on the street pulled into Guide duties.

Stark apparently had talked about himself the whole time instead of focusing on the Sentinel's needs. Two of the three had stated that Stark didn't offer guidance. Instead he mocked the Sentinel and whined about how they weren't going fast enough and STARK would be in and out of the zone like one of his Iron Man armors. The last one said if Tony Stark's voice was the only thing available that could pull them out of a zone, they'd rather be stuck forever.

Stark leapt to his feet and said, "Those tests were rigged! You're all jealous and don't want to admit that I'm better than you at THIS too."

He turned to leave, muttering about how he'd show them as soon as he got his own Sentinel.

Coulson frowned and signaled the team to begin monitoring Stark's computer and phone. There was no way they could let a vulnerable Sentinel fall into Stark's selfish hands.

Chapter Text

This is a weird one: Melinda May and Tony Stark end up together with a group of super-powered kids. (Including Peter Parker. It looks like this one doesn't even acknowledge May and Ben's existence. I suppose that's better than killing May off two seconds after she appears?)

This would NEVER happen. Melinda May has too much self-respect to be associated with (much less in love with) unrepentant misogynist Tony Stark.

For example, can you imagine what would have happened in the first Iron Man if she'd approached Stark during the party instead of Coulson?

***

Tony stalked into the ballroom as if he owned the place. Maybe he did, for all he kept track of things. Then again, IF he did, his name would be in 10-foot-high letters on the side of the building. Just to rub it in people's faces that something was HIS.

He jerked to a stop as a super-hot woman who looked like she could snap him like a twig appeared in front of him. The woman said, "Mister Stark, I'm Agent Melinda May. I've been contacting you for days. You've been avoiding your debrief."

Tony pictured her naked, like he did with all hot women. He waggled his brows and said, "You can debrief me anytime, Tiger. As long as you 'debrief' first so I have something pretty to look at while we're doing it."

He should have run at the satisfied look on her face when she said, "Deal."

Instead he was grabbed by the wrist and practically carried out of the room and down the hall.

In less than a minute she had him frisked and handcuffed to a chair in an empty office.

May handed Tony's tech to someone outside, then turned to Tony and said, "My team will make sure we're not disturbed."

He gulped as May reached under her dress and laid a pair of black boy shorts on the desk.

Tony saw May eye his belt and zipper and shuddered at the thought of her "debriefing" HIM. The way she looked at him and raised an eyebrow warned him that it was still a possibility and that he would NOT enjoy it. Maybe he should reconsider the innuendoes when talking to women in the future. Even the hot ones.

Then she leaned on the desk, crossed her arms, and said, "Now, I've held up my end. Start talking."

Chapter Text

This is another one that is pretty much the opposite of what would actually happen. First off, the only "intern" Tony has ever interacted with (as far as I'm aware), is Peter Parker. And the only reason Tony bothered with Peter was to exploit Peter. And remember, Tony makes fun of people for his own amusement. So he's more likely to mock an awkward student than encourage them (unless Tony's planning to steal credit for their ideas or hit on them, of course).

Plus, Tony stole from and mistreated enough of SI's actual PAID employees to inspire a gang of villains, so how likely is it that someone there without being paid for it would actually prop Tony? If anything, SI interns who were stuck in a room with Tony are more likely to do tell-alls about how Tony stole ideas from his employees and harassed his workers.

***

Pepper frowned at the small TV in the corner as Christine Everhart smiled at the camera and said, "So, you've heard from three Stark Industries interns so far. All of them have a similar story, how they witnessed Stark Industry EMPLOYEES create technological wonders that Tony Stark himself claims sole credit for. Remember that in tomorrow's show, we'll be hearing from current and former SI employees about their experiences. Including Quentin Beck, a former SI employee who is the actual genius behind the neural interface Tony Stark boasted about in his recent MIT speech."

Everhart lost her Hollywood smile as she said, "This next group of interviews focus on Stark's personal interactions with the young men and women he was supposed to be mentoring. According to these interns, Tony Stark made things VERY personal. Hearing their stories gave me flashbacks to the schoolyard and the way the neighborhood bully would pick on every little quirk and flaw to see you cry."

The frown deepened as Everhart continued, "Until the bully got older and decided that only pretty girls existed and they only existed to service him. I can personally confirm Stark's attitude toward women, if not the actual lines he uses. But you'll get to hear from these young men and women and judge for yourself."

Pepper blinked back tears as she listened to the mocking, come-ons, and innuendos these students experienced while interning at SI. But she was grateful she'd already broke it off with Tony. It made things a lot easier.

Everhart was wrapping up the last interview as she said, "Now all this it sounds like someone should be investigating the goings-on behind the scenes at Stark industries. It turns out that someone is. After our commercial break, we'll hear from CEO Virginia 'Pepper' Potts. She's taking this opportunity to discuss Tony Stark's behavior and the company culture it creates at Stark Industries---and what she plans to do about it."

Pepper stood and smoothed her skirt. She used a tissue to wipe her eyes and confirmed in a mirror that her makeup was okay. She didn't need her list of talking points, but picked them up anyway.

The door opened and Christine Everhart asked, "Are you ready?"

Pepper nodded and stepped to the exit.

As they walked down the hall to the studio, Everhart said, "Thanks for agreeing to come on. I know this can't be easy."

Pepper looked at her and replied, "I appreciate you giving me space to respond before airing the story."

She stopped and continued, "And I feel like I owe you one. I wasn't very gracious when we've met in the past."

Everhart shrugged and said, "Thanks. I apologize as well, but my only excuse is general bitchiness. I'm working on it."

The two women laughed as they moved into the studio to take their seats. Everhart said, "By the way, it seems you can make a case for the problem not being SI, but rather Stark himself. We talked with ALL of SI's interns. The rest enjoyed their time at the company."

Pepper's shoulders relaxed as the camera light came on. At least she knew HER interns had nothing to complain about.

Chapter Text

This "Iron Dad" trope replaces Peter Parker with a variety of de-aged Avengers. And like all prop-Tony stories, the ones that use this trope ignore who Tony actually is: A pretty shoddy adult. He calls Harley a pussy for missing his dad, undermines Peter's self-esteem to make Peter easier to bribe and blackmail, and leaves Morgan unsupervised around weapons. So the likelihood that ANYONE would trust Tony with de-aged Avengers (especially if they have traumas and physical problems) seems slim to none.

*****

Nick Fury regarded Stark with a disbelieving eye. He asked, "What the hell makes you think I'd be dumb enough to leave these kids with YOU?"

Stark waved his hands around as he said, "Because I'd be the PERFECT foster parent. I have space enough for everyone to have their own apartment so they won't be crammed into bunk beds on a military base or whatever shack you're calling a safe house these days. I have ALL the cool toys, and kids and I always get along great."

Maria Hill hid a laugh in a cough as she said, "Thank you for the offer, but we've already made arrangements for the kids to go with Barton. He'll be looking after them until the de-aging spell wears off."

All three adults turned to look at a laughing Hawkeye, who was being climbed by a miniature Natasha and Thor while a tiny Steve sketched the scene as he sat on his shield. Bruce's curly head peeped over the back of a nearby couch as he grinned at his playmates.

Stark scowled and asked, "What's he got that I don't?"

Fury raised an eyebrow and answered, "Well for one thing, a track record that DOESN'T include bribing, blackmailing, or browbeating kids to get what he wants. Or leaving them unsupervised in dangerous situations."

Stark protested, "That was ONE time. Or, well, two. Maybe four...?"

Hill and Fury left Stark rambling as they went to wrangle the mini-superheroes into a quinjet. Hopefully Hawkeye would have an easy stint as a foster dad.

Although seeing mini-Steve juggling his backpack, shield, and Thor's hammer (just to make sure his friend didn't forget it) suggested the time until the de-aging spell wore off would be very interesting...

Chapter Text

This is another one of those tropes that proves 1) Prop-Tony writers don't watch the films and 2) Prop-Tony writers make Tony even dumber than he actually is. Tony releasing video of Siberia is one of the most stupid things he could do. Not only is it evidence of him violating the Accords if the location comes out, but the video shows Tony is the one at fault in every single phase of the fight. From the first shot to the last snide remark to Steve, Tony is the aggressor. Steve tries to disable the suit and Bucky tries to get away. Tony is shown shooting the men while they're unarmed; using repulsors, lasers, and missiles in close quarters and attacking the men with every weapon in the suit, even when Steve and Bucky are nowhere near and no threat at all; and show that Tony mutilates Bucky, THEN shoots Bucky in the back and kicks Bucky in the head. So what would be the REAL reaction to Tony's brilliant idea?

***

Tony slouched in his seat on the soundstage, sure he looked his best after the attendant caked on enough make-up to hide decades of drinking and partying. He could see his face on a screen to the side. His smirk looked appropriately smug.

His plan was brilliant. After carefully editing the footage from Siberia, he'd "accidentally" released video of the fight. It showed Tony as both a hero AND a victim, which was pretty hard to pull off.

Now Tony was having his first interview post-release. He would pretend to be both gracious and humble as he secretly cheered the media's tirades against the "unprovoked attacks" of "rogue criminals." It would all be trending on Twitter by this evening, he just knew it.

Of course he'd selected his interviewer based on her looks---she was young and definitely bangable. He'd offer Whatshername a "ride" later. After all, he and Pepper were on a break.

The blonde nodded to him as she sat, then looked to the camera. She said, "We're here live with Iron Man Tony Stark, about to discuss some video that recently set the airwaves on fire. Good afternoon, Mr. Stark."

Tony smiled for the camera and said, "It's Tony, really. Mr. Stark was my way-older Dad."

The blonde said, "So, what do you have to say about the campaign to have you arrested for assault and attempted murder?"

Tony shot up and said, "What the fu---heck are you talking about? The video clearly shows I was the victim of an unprovoked attack." Tony had spent hours in the editing room making sure of it.

The blonde had a little smirk of her own as she replied, "Perhaps that was the impression of the footage that was 'accidentally' released several days ago. While our experts and others confirmed it was footage from your armor's camera feed, they also mentioned how much evidence of tampering the footage showed."

Tony gaped as the blonde turned toward the camera and said, "And now we have what looks to be actual unaltered footage from the mysterious location's surveillance system. That seems to tell a VERY different story."

Tony froze as he saw himself firing the first shots, then scenes of him attacking Barnes when Barnes was running away. The fight lasted a LONG time. He could see how strategic Rogers had been in the attempts to disable the suit. Not that any of that stopped Tony. Both the blonde and Tony winced as they watched Tony laser off Barnes' arm. He felt sick to his stomach as he watched himself shoot Barnes in the back and then kick him in the head. From the angle, Barnes looked dead. You could see desperation in the way Rogers got Tony to lift his hands so Rogers could use the shield to disable the arc reactor. Barnes didn't move until Rogers pulled the man up by his remaining arm and the two soldiers limped toward the exit.

He could hear the snide words in his head as his image on the screen shouted after Rogers. For the first time, he saw Rogers look up and seem to contemplate something, then drop the shield and move on.

Rogers' face held the kind of peace that came from letting go and moving on. Nothing like the anger or bitterness that Tony remembered brewing in his own head when he'd taunted Rogers.

Tony didn't even have that sense of peace now that Tony had won. Or at least he had assumed he'd won. But now... "Where the hell did this come from?"

The blonde turned back to him and answered, "The footage was found with evidence of the REAL Vienna bomber, Sokovian Death Squad officer Helmut Zemo. In fact, the evidence was delivered by persons unknown along with an unconscious Zemo himself."

Tony could feel the make-up cracking and melting as he frowned and began to sweat.

The blonde continued, "All we know so far is that the unredacted footage places you as a rather violent aggressor in your fight with the former Captain America and former POW James Buchanan Barnes. Experts are speculating that the fight was NOT on U.S. soil. Secretary Thaddeus Ross has confirmed that NO Avengers had authorization to leave the country for any reason. He has stated that if the location is confirmed to be across international boundaries, that---and I quote---'Iron Man will be confined in the same conditions as any other Accords violator'. Which has raised questions about just what those conditions are, as several former Avengers seem to have disappeared since surrendering at the Leipzig Airport."

All Tony had in his head was static. How could his perfect plan have gone so wrong?

The blonde glanced to the camera, then back to Tony as she asked, "So Tony, what do have to say for yourself?"

Chapter Text

This is another "random character from random non-MCU fandom props Tony" trope. Ichigo Kurosaki is a character from an anime called "Bleach." I feel sorry for the fans of this character, because from his description I don't think he is as malicious and spiteful as he appears to be when he's a prop-Tony trope. From what I've read, Ichigo Kurosaki would NEVER prop the man who blackmailed Peter Parker into becoming a child soldier and did nothing after seeing Wanda in a shock collar and straitjacket. Plus, the story using this trope has Ichigo as Tony's personal assistant. Considering how Tony treats everyone on his payroll, it's likely Tony would mock Ichigo for his distinctive orange hair. And Ichigo would see first-hand why Stark Industries employees dislike Tony so much. How would Kurosaki Ichigo REALLY act in this scenario?

Note: I've never seen the show, so Ichigo's probably out of character.

*****

"Hey you, low-rent CarrotTop, where's my smoothie?" Stark asked as he waved his hand around the armor of his latest suit.

Kurosaki Ichigo gritted his teeth as he walked over with a glass full of a slimy green concoction. He didn't spit in the drink as he handed it over to his boss. Ichigo asked, "Anything else, sir?"

Stark put the smoothie in the hand of the armor and said, "Yeah, there's a bunch of forms and stuff Pepper wanted me to review. BORING. Friday's not up to speed on everything yet, so you can read all of it and give me the bullet points."

Ichigo nodded. Before he could ask about a timeline, Stark continued, "Pepper wanted my response yesterday or something, so I'll need you to wrap that up before you leave."

Ichigo's jaw dropped. There were hundreds of pages of reports that Stark was supposed to have read at least a week ago. Apparently Ichigo's daily reminders had been ignored. He couldn't say he was surprised. Even though Ichigo had glanced at everything as he'd organized in Stark's files, it would take Ichigo most of the night to fulfill that demand.

Too bad if Ichigo had other plans.

Stark was already focused on whatever piece he was adjusting as he said, "Order me some sushi from that place---you know the one. And they don't do delivery OR refunds so make sure to check the order when you pick it up. Fill up all of the coffeemakers so they're set to brew. The 'bots just can't grind the beans right. And before I forget, fire the laundryperson who got a bleach spot on my favorite AC/DC shirt. Apparently some people have no respect for vintage concertwear. If there's any backtalk, remind the manager how easy it would be to switch the Stark Tower account to another company."

Ichigo swallowed and wondered if Stark would check up on the firing. Maybe Ichigo could get away with letting that person keep their job.

Stark said, "When you get back with dinner, I'm going to give you a list of locations to leak to Thunderbolt Ross. Just places where he might want to station some squads to pick up members of Team Crap."

Ichigo froze. He said, "I thought they were your colleagues?"

Stark actually stepped away from the armor to sneer as he said, "They BETRAYED me. They deserve to rot."

Ichigo wanted to shake his head. He'd seen the footage as he hacked into Stark's system from the inside. The "betrayal" was refusing to sign the Accords. He couldn't figure out why Stark was taking that so personally. It's not like Stark was the one who would have been forced to submit his DNA or wear a tracker.

He couldn't hide his frown. Stark also wasn't the one who'd been locked up with no access to lawyers or even sunlight.

Stark scowled at Ichigo and said, "Listen Cactus Head, do I need to remind you just how hard I can make it for you to find another job?"

Ichigo shook his head and answered, "No, sir. I'll get started on the reports."

As he walked to his desk, Ichigo realized that he would have to push up his timeline. He couldn't use any of his abilities on Stark in case Stark set Thaddeus Ross on Ichigo for being an unregistered Enhanced. But Ichigo could make sure that all of Stark's own hacking into government and private databases and Stark's violations of the Accords became public knowledge. After Ichigo made sure to erase all of Stark's information on the possible movements of the former Captain America and his allies.

Ichigo shuddered. No way was he letting ANYONE be sent back to the Raft. Nor would he let ANYONE touch the Barton children. The Black Widow had gotten the family away from Ross. Ichigo would make sure they stayed safe. And Ichigo would have to erase all the footage of that Parker kid as well. Good thing Stark was already ignoring the kid now that Parker was no longer any use to him. Ichigo would have to contact Parker and warn him to cut all ties with Stark and lay low during the upcoming chaos.

He dropped into his chair with a nod. He'd set the files to leak to the press while he was out picking up the sushi. He'd take Stark's order home and eat it all himself as he emailed his resignation. Ichigo deserved a treat after putting up with Stark for weeks. What a creep.

Ichigo smiled. If nothing else, this new plan would save Ichigo from having to fire someone---or having to read all those reports. He hated paperwork.

Chapter Text

This one is another example of how 1) Prop-Tony folks don't watch the films and 2) Prop-Tony folks project Tony's bad qualities onto other characters while pretending Tony has the other character's good qualities. Who is more likely to mock Steve for being asexual? Clint, who is civil or kind to everyone, or Tony, who managed to be homophobic, transphobic, and misogynistic in a single scene? How would Steve expressing his asexuality really go down?

***

Steve and Clint were at a table going over the blueprints for the vent system at a suspected terrorist base when Tony walked into the room. Tony said, "You've got to see this!"

When the other two men looked up, Tony projected a video of a half-naked woman with very large breasts gyrating around a stripper pole. Tony said, "I'm used to clementines. Look at these watermelons bounce!"

Clint just shrugged and went back to what he was doing.

Steve frowned and said, "Tony, this is not appropriate for the workplace. Anyone could walk in here."

Tony didn't shut down the video. Instead, he turned and narrowed his eyes at Steve. Then Tony asked, "Maybe I got the wrong vibe off our all-American hero? Do you prefer Tarzan to Jane? Jane with Fido? Because there's a video for any thing that'll get the little soldier saluting."

Steve looked down, then looked back up, set his jaw, and said, "I'm not interested in any of them, video or otherwise."

Clint looked at Steve, then shrugged and went back to what he was doing.

Tony walked over and said, "Are you saying the All-American stud is a dud? That nothing sets off your patriotic fireworks? You've never gotten red, white, and blue balls from looking at a guy or gal in uniform?"

Then he laughed and said, "I can see the headlines now."

Clint scowled and said, "Shut up, Tony."

Tony looked at Clint and said, "You don't find this hysterical? The perfect hero has a giant flaw---or maybe his equipment is small as well as broken."

Steve looked down at the table and said nothing.

Clint leapt over the table and grabbed Tony by the shoulders. Clint said, "Steve just shared something private and personal and you will RESPECT that. Or I will make you."

Tony grinned and asked, "What are you going to do? Shoot me with a tranq dart?"

Clint stepped back and said, "We've all been really good at letting you be you, Tony. We ignore all your baggage, even the secrets that could make life really difficult for you."

He nodded to himself and continued, "I hear one word about Steve anywhere here or out in the world, and you'll forget what the words 'personal privacy' mean. You understand?"

Tony frowned and nodded. Then he stomped out without a word of apology.

Clint moved back to the table and said, "Typical. Well, even if Tony won't say sorry to you, Steve, I will. That sucked and Tony should have not said that crap or threatened to tell everyone. I won't say anything about it either, because it's up to you who you tell and when. I just hope you know that you being asexual doesn't matter to me at all."

Steve looked up and smiled. He said, "I really appreciate that, Clint. It meant so much to me when I woke up in this century and found out there was a word for how I am. I always thought I was broken in a way the serum couldn't fix."

Clint just shrugged and pointed at one of the vents on the blueprints. He said, "Are you absolutely sure I won't fit in here, because I really think that's the way to go..."

Chapter Text

This is another story that shows prop-Tony writers will warp any character to bash and punish Team Cap for the great sin of disagreeing with Tony Stark over the Accords. Here we have T'Challa, who's shown in the films as a decent human being, callously leaving Wanda in a shock collar. They should have named the character T'ChTony.

Team Cap didn't visit Wakanda until Infinity War, but what if they had gone there first after leaving the Raft? (Set before Black Panther.)

Note: W'Kabi is portraying T'Challa's attitude in the original story.

***

W'Kabi was waiting outside Shuri's lab. He bowed his head and said, "I would speak to you, my king."

T'Challa looked at Okoye, who shrugged. She had no idea what brought her lover here, but she guessed it had something to do with their new guests.

Okoye frowned as she remembered how tired and haunted they looked as they emerged from Captain Rogers' jet. She did not like all these foreigners, but even she could not turn away the frail young woman who had to practically be carried into the building.

T'Challa nodded and asked W'Kabi, "What troubles you, my friend?"

W'Kabi frowned and answered, "These people--they are criminals. You must banish them immediately."

Okoye's brows rose. W'Kabi was not usually so blunt or so disrespectful.

T'Challa said, "Must I? I thought I led Wakanda, not you."

W'Kabi frowned and said, "I mean no disrespect, but these people are dangerous. Is it true that Princess Shuri plans to remove the shock collar from the witch?"

T'Challa replied, "She plans to try. Although I have no doubt my little sister will succeed, we do not know how long it will take or what will be required."

W'Kabi shook his head and said, "You must reconsider. The woman could enslave us all, or attack you with her mind. Why not leave the collar in place? It only shocks her if she uses her powers. If she does nothing, she should be fine."

Okoye glared at W'Kabi as she asked, "Do you think the Dora Milaje are so weak we cannot contain the girl?"

Before W'Kabi could reply, T'Challa said, "I consider 'the witch' a refugee who deserves our sympathy and care. Shuri WILL free the girl from that barbaric device."

T'Challa frowned and continued, "Wakanda does not use such cruel methods to ensure our safety. Nor will we, while I am Black Panther and king."

Okoye frowned once more at W'Kabi as she followed T'Challa into the lab. She was proud of her king. She could not say the same of her lover.

Chapter Text

This was a truly horrible example of "it's okay if Tony does it." Steve wanted a divorce from Tony. All Steve wanted was his freedom, so Steve wasn't trying to profit from the marriage. He didn't want anything of Tony's or from Tony. Every few months Steve would visit Tony asking for a divorce. Tony refused every time for YEARS. This kind of controlling, punishing behavior should be a red flag that Steve should NEVER get involved with Tony ever again, especially after Steve had developed a loving partnership with Bucky. But from how the plot was shaping up, it looked like the writer was going to REWARD Tony by having him end the story in a relationship with Steve, Bucky, or both. If anyone else had been doing this, Tony would be the villain in a movie of the week.

Note: Apparently you don't need your ex's signature or even participation to get a divorce these days. (The judge's property ruling is probably pure fiction, though.)

***

Tony laughed to himself as he turned off the rock music and headed to the kitchen for some ice cream. His perfect day completely isolated in the lab would end with the quarterly visit from his "better half." Rogers should be by any time now, asking for Tony to acknowledge the divorce papers Tony had been served with over two years ago. Tony hadn't decided yet how long to leave Rogers waiting in the elevator before Tony turned Friday back on to allow Hubby in.

His grin turned into a sneer as he opened the freezer. The whole ritual was pointless. Tony would NEVER let Rogers go. Rogers clearly needed to get over himself and realize that he belonged to Tony and always would.

As Tony closed the freezer, he saw Natasha and Pepper leaning against a counter. He did NOT squeak. Nor did he jump. He did ask, "What brings you here? Rogers finally decide to mix it up by sending someone else to plead his case for him?"

Natasha shook her head and said, "No, we finally convinced Steve that it's pointless."

Pepper was frowning as she said, "It's been obvious for a long time that your marriage was over, Tony. I was here when the divorce papers were served. Why didn't you have the lawyers respond to them?"

"Because Cap is MINE," Tony replied as he opened up the carton and dug in with a spoon. He continued, "I'm just waiting for him to figure out that he'll NEVER be free of me."

Tony's eyes narrowed as Pepper and Natasha looked at each other.

Pepper looked stunned and said, "I didn't really believe it, but..."

Natasha shrugged, then looked at Tony and said, "Steve wanted to make sure you heard the update from a friend instead of your newsfeed."

Tony stopped eating and asked, "What the hell are you talking about?"

Pepper showed Tony a tablet screen filled with headlines: Captain America Back on the Market! Stark Fortune Split Down the Middle in Default Divorce. Billionaire No-Show Costs Tony Stark Plenty. The Star-Spangled Man Now Has Lots of New Bling. The Judge Rules: Tony Stark Will Pay.

Tony dropped the spoon and ice cream. He asked, "How the hell did this happen? I never signed anything!"

Pepper sighed and said, "That was the problem, Tony. You left Steve with no choice but to request a default divorce. The judge not only ended the marriage, he awarded Steve half the communal assets."

Tony gulped and said, "I'll appeal! My lawyers will leave Rogers poorer than he was during the Depression!"

Natasha glanced at Pepper and said, "Told you so."

Then she said to Tony, "That won't be necessary." She showed Tony her own tablet, with Breaking News at the top: Captain America Is NOT Captain Capitalism. Rogers Declares Being Divorced from Stark Is Enough. Stark Assets Going Back to the Stark Jackass.

Tony was stunned. Rogers had meant what he said: All he wanted was his freedom.

As the two women left Tony to deal with the news, Tony thought that even with all his wealth intact, he's the one who lost. Big time.

Chapter Text

Just when I think we've discovered the depths prop-Tony folks will go to, someone stoops even lower. There's a request for someone to write a story in which a real-life World War 2 hero, conscientious objector Desmond T. Doss, comes to bash Steve. This person also believes that Doss would be Team Iron Man.

That anyone would denigrate a real-life person, or a veteran's service, sacrifice, and memory, to prop Tony Stark is truly disgusting.

I don't think anyone should use a real-life person in these stories in such a horrid way. So I'm not going to. Barney Collins is an original character, not a decorated war hero in the Pacific theater. He's just another conscientious objector who's part of the war effort in the European theater.

Note: The author of the monstrosity specifically told me to link, so click here to see just how low prop-Tony folks are stooping these days. Also note that Marvel confirmed Dr. Strange would be Team Cap.

***

Sam, Natasha, and Steve were sitting in a safe house in France going over intel about some black market offerings of Chitauri weapons. Suddenly, a portal opened in the wall and out stepped two men: One with a goatee and flowing cape, the other dressed in Army fatigues.

As the trio leapt up, the man with the cape held up a hand and said, "I come in peace. I am Dr. Strange, and I need your help."

Steve stepped forward and said, "It seems like you know who we are. What's going on?"

Strange waved the other man forward and said, "There's been a disturbance in the time streams. Please keep this man safe while I and my colleagues fix things."

Strange left through the portal, leaving the other man blinking in the room. He gave a half-smile and said, "Since the Strange guy forgot to mention: I'm Barney Collins. Pleased to meet you."

Steve reached out to shake the man's hand and said, "Welcome. This is Natasha, and Sam. I'm---"

"I know who you are, Captain," Barney said as he smiled and shook Steve's hand. "Even with the beard and new hairdo, you're hard to miss."

As they all sat down, Sam asked, "So where are you serving?"

Barney answered, "Right now we're stationed in a small village in Europe. You understand I can't give specifics."

The others nodded as Barney continued, "So where exactly did the wizard guy dump me?"

Natasha smiled and said, "It's not just a question of where. You understand we can't be specific."

Barney grinned and said, "Yeah, I got that from your guns and that magic box there."

Sam gestured toward Barney's medic armband and said, "It's a tough job, being a medic."

Barney nodded and said, "Sounds like you know from experience. It was the best way I felt I could serve without needing to pick up a weapon."

As the others nodded, Natasha said, "It's good you found a way to do your part."

Barney nodded and said, "I had to do what sat right in my own mind, you know? Just the same as everyone else. I'm lucky that the U.S. of A. gave me the option of never picking up a weapon. And I'm also lucky that others were willing to use weapons and bear that burden to keep people safe."

Steve smiled and said, "We'll do our best to keep YOU safe until you're back with your unit."

Natasha grinned and said, "Although if Steve's cooking, you may end up in danger of an upset stomach."

They all laughed, then Sam smiled and said, "Thank you for your service."

Barney smiled and said to the others, "And thank you for yours."

Chapter Text

Prop-Tony folks have a very strange habit of having Tony "adopt" full-grown adults and people who already have families. In this one, Tony "adopts" Nebula and invites her to his wedding. Ironically, Tony pretty much does to Nebula what he did to Peter: dumps her as soon as she's no longer of use. Rocket is the one who comforts Nebula, and Tony praises Carol Danvers as the "new blood" they need, not Nebula. So it doesn't look like Tony and Nebula did much bonding.

***

After finishing the tests of the holo communications systems, Rocket and Nebula made their final checks of the ship. Like that flying blonde woman, they were leaving Earth to find out how some other planets were doing.

Rocket ducked his head as he thought about how Rogers had come to talk to him about Groot and ask about the rest of the Guardians. They both had a sudden allergy attack, sniffling and wiping their eyes. Nebula and Romanov had gone off into the woods somewhere, probably to shoot things. Both of them had come back looking a little better. Just a little.

Rhodes clanked up in his exoskeleton. Rocket eyed the tech, but couldn't even bring himself to think about stealing it. Rhodes said, "I heard you two are lifting off soon. Wanted to say good-bye."

Nebula nodded and said, "We will remain in contact, though your planet will be of little help with so few spaceworthy ships."

Rocket sat back and said, "Hey, I heard that Stark guy who hitched a ride on our ship got married. That true?"

Rhodes looked at Nebula, frowned and said, "Yeah, yesterday, actually. He, uh, he decided on a really small wedding."

As Rhodes said good luck and shuffled off, Rocket looked over at Nebula. Rocket said, "I also read somewhere that Stark was gonna adopt you. Guess that was a bunch of crap."

Nebula looked over and said, "I do not require another parent. Especially that one."

Rocket waved his scanner and said, "Still, I could've worked with that. A little family bonding, a little change to his list of heirs, a little accident for Stark, a lot of loot for you..."

Nebula's mouth twitched in a small smile. She said, "I'm not sure it would have been worth it."

Rocket sighed and went back to his equipment checks. He grumbled, "Some cake would have been nice, though. I could really go for some cake."

Chapter Text

Apparently another anime character has been turned into a prop for Tony Stark. This one actually doesn't surprise me, because the Yu-Gi-Oh Wiki makes Kaiba Seto sound like a Tony Stark clone:
"Kaiba is largely considered an anti-hero, as his motives are usually egocentric and his personality traits are selfish and arrogant, but he does sometimes help Yugi and his friends if it’s in his best interest (although there are a few occasions where he helps Yugi when faced with a common enemy). ... In the English version, Kaiba ... appears to have a certain snobbish contempt for Yugi's group of friends ... [Kaiba] disparagingly refers to them constantly with derisive nicknames."
Sound familiar?

The summaries and tags of the fic series using this character amused me, because apparently this prop-Tony person does not recognize irony: One summary talks about Kaiba seeking "justice" for the "crimes" committed by Team Cap, but this Kaiba is not smart enough to notice the many actual felonies committed by Tony Stark. (Although in the note they admit that Kaiba is really seeking revenge.) The writer uses the tag "Team Cap didn't read the Accords," while having an enhanced Kaiba support them, showing Kaiba is the one who actually didn't read them. (They also pretend Steve would be bad at chess, so consistent characterization doesn't seem to be something they recognize either.)

Apparently Kaiba's early life, though, was more like Steve Rogers': Kaiba was an orphan who made a deal with a corporate bigwig that had Kaiba studying hard to make a better life for his younger brother. So it seems as though Kaiba would have a problem with Tony blackmailing a 14-year-old Peter into being a child soldier. The writer also uses the tag "Kaiba Seto calls out bullshit." Let's actually let him.

***

Tony grinned as Kaiba Seto walked through the compound doors. Tony said, "Friday, make sure the drone is recording. We'll want to get the footage processed for the evening news."

Tony walked up to Kaiba and said to the camera, "And here he is! The newest member of the Avengers: Kaiba Seto. His tech abilities will keep the world safe."

Vision, who was standing off to the side, said, "If and when the U.N. panel gives us permission to."

Tony scowled and said, "Friday, make sure you edit out the peanut gallery."

He turned back to Kaiba and said, "Welcome to the Avengers Compound! I'm sure you'll be very comfortable here."

Rhodey moved his wheelchair up and handed over a bracelet. He said, "Here's your tracker."

Kaiba's expression had remained blank until now. Now he frowned and said, "I will not be tracked."

Vision replied, "It is part of the Accords agreement. At least your tracking device is external. I have been implanted with a transponder."

Kaiba looked at Tony, who waved his hands and said, "It's no big deal. It's not like you'll be going anywhere, right? This is your new home."

Kaiba shook his head and said, "I am merely here to confirm Avengers protocols. I have no intention of being tracked like a homing pigeon or staying here. I am not part of your hero club."

Tony said, "That's not how it works. The Avengers are here. Except for me, of course, because I have to be with Pepper as she runs Stark Industries."

Kaiba said, "I ALSO have a company to run, and duels to fight." He looked around and said, "If what you claim is true, then where is the other combatant from Leipzig? Surely he should also be registered and required to be here."

Tony looked away and said, "He's not important. You're the press conference material here, an enhanced who looks normal who's supporting the Accords."

Rhodey frowned and said, "What do you mean, he's not important? Tony, where is the web guy?"

Tony shook his head and said, "Forget him."

Kaiba frowned and said, "I don't think so." He closed his eyes and used his powers to sift through Stark's AI and databases. He found what he was looking for: Files on Spider-Man. A hero known as Peter Parker--a 14-YEAR-OLD student.

Kaiba shuddered and thought of his little brother Mokuba. He opened his eyes and glared at Stark as he asked, "Why did you involve a CHILD in a battle?"

Rhodey turned his chair toward Tony and said, "A CHILD? What the hell, Tony?"

Vision nodded and said, "Confirmed. The web-using person at the airport was underage."

He looked at Kaiba and said, "Although I believed the equation that supports the Accords, I find I cannot condone the recruitment of child soldiers. I believe we need to ensure that Thaddeus Ross never learns the child's identity. Will you assist me?"

Kaiba nodded and the two of them entered Stark's systems together. As they worked, Kaiba mentally said, "I'm also removing all records of myself. I will not sign these Accords, nor will I leave Stark any material to threaten me."

Vision replied, "Agreed. This is not what I believed would happen. If things continue to deteriorate, I will turn off my locator and disappear as well."

Kaiba noticed something in Stark's systems. He said, "Speaking of locators, look at this: Stark traveled to Siberia. There was no mission approved by the U.N.--or sanctioned by Thaddeus Ross."

Vision said, "I will also retain a copy. It may prove useful."

***

Kaiba shook his head as he approached the meeting place, a table in a park away from any surveillance. He couldn't believe he'd been so foolish as to believe Stark was telling the truth about the Accords. Kaiba had also copied the design and frequency information of the locator bracelets. He could now block any active signal anywhere in the world.

He looked up as a figure stepped from the trees into the clearing. Kaiba said, "Greetings, Captain."

Steve Rogers shook his head and said, "Not a captain anymore. Please call me Steve."

Kaiba nodded and sat. He noticed the checkerboard pattern set into the table, and the small case on the side that showed chess pieces and a timer. He said, "I wanted to inform you that I have made modifications to Stark's systems and other surveillance programs. While Thaddeus Ross may hunt you, he will have no means of tracking you."

Rogers tilted his head and considered Kaiba a moment. Then he said, "Natasha thought this was a trap. She said you and Tony were practically clones and like him, you wouldn't have a problem with other people being restricted if you weren't personally affected."

Kaiba frowned and admitted to himself the Black Widow was probably right. IF that was the actual case. He replied, "I am personally affected. Stark tried to put a locator bracelet on me and confine me to his compound."

Rogers frowned and asked, "Will you be all right? Do you need to come with us? We'll do our best to keep you safe."

Kaiba snorted at the idea that he needed any help staying safe. But he had to admit it was nice to meet someone whose first thought was to protect rather than exploit. Kaiba replied, "No assistance will be needed. I also wanted to inform you that the young enhanced you met in Germany will also be protected."

Rogers looked surprised, but then nodded and said, "Thank you."

Kaiba shrugged and started to stand, but then looked at the checkerboard table. He sat down again and said, "Now that business is settled, perhaps you have time for a game of chess?"

Rogers smiled and nodded, and Kaiba found himself smiling as well as he started to set out the pieces.

Chapter Text

The treatment of May Parker by prop-Tony folks is truly disgusting. They kill her, slap her into a coma, make her drunk, addicted, abusive, and/or neglectful. All so their precious Tony can rescue Peter. This trope assumes that 1) May immediately got over Ben's death and started a serious relationship, 2) May is in a relationship with a creep (other than Happy), 3) She wouldn't notice that the creep was abusing Peter, 4) Peter wouldn't tell May about the abuse, and 5) Peter wouldn't take steps to protect himself and May. None of this sounds in-character for either of them, but when has characterization or logic been part of prop-Tony tropes?

I didn't bother to check whether it was physical or sexual abuse being done in this trope, so I'm going with physical. (If any of the stories were sexual, it would be another example of prop-Tony irony because almost every Peter/Tony story I've seen has a summary that reads like a variation of Lolita.)

Note: This is set before Civil War, during the time Tony was stalking Peter before Tony blackmailed him.

***

Ned and Peter were discussing their math homework when Tony Stark burst into Peter's room and shouted, "I'm here to save you!"

The two boys looked at each other, then Stark. Ned surreptitiously started recording and asked, "From advanced calculus?"

Stark looked at the two and frowned at the lack of awe. He answered, "No, nerd. I'm here to save Peter from the douchebag his hot aunt has hooked up with."

Peter frowned and said, "Huh?"

Stark strode forward and said, "Pack a bag. You're coming with me to the Tower. That guy who asked for your too-sexy-for-my-shirt aunt's number in the grocery store yesterday is bad news. I'm going to rescue you and act as your parental figure even though I have no experience and was incredibly mean to the one kid I've met so far. I will be your irondad and you will be my spiderson and we will be a trope for the ages."

Ned inserted a flash drive into his machine and asked, "Does Mrs. Parker know you're here?"

Stark looked around shiftily and answered, "Of course not. I couldn't let Peter be in danger another moment."

Peter stood up and said, "I'm not in danger. May told me what happened yesterday. Some guy asked for her number. She was going to say no because she's not over my uncle. But she got creepy vibes off him so she took his info and looked him up. He's on a watch list, wanted for child abuse in another state. Stupid jerk didn't even change his name. So she called the cops on him and he's being extradited to Montana."

Peter frowned and continued, "I thought it would be great to meet the amazing Tony Stark. But I'm getting creepy vibes off YOU. How did you know about me, May, or the douchebag? It's not like you go shopping at bodegas in Queens."

Ned said, "Sounds like somebody else needs to be on a watch list."

Stark started backing toward the door and said, "Let's just forget about this little incident, shall we? I go my way, you go yours, and we pretend this never happened."

Peter said, "Never come near me or my aunt again."

Stark puffed up and said, "Don't threaten me, you pipsqueak. I'll tell your aunt about your little hobby."

Ned shook his head and pulled the flash drive. He said, "You better leave Parker and his aunt alone, or you're the one we'll be calling the cops on."

Stark looked at the drive and left without another word.

Peter looked at Ned and said, "Thanks for the assist."

Ned nodded and started typing. He said, "No problem. I just disabled all network connections on may laptop so it can't be hacked. Good thing I just picked up some more flash drives yesterday. I can make three copies of the recording right now and we can hide them so Stark will never get them."

Peter nodded and reached into a drawer. He pulled out a few more drives and said, "You can use a couple of these, too. And when we're done, I guess, uh, I should tell you about--"

Ned shook his head and said, "Nah, you tell me what you want when you want. I'M not pulling any of that blackmail crap."

Parker looked relieved and said, "Wow. Now I understand what they mean by 'Never meet your heroes'."

Ned nodded and said, "I'm gonna take down my Iron Man poster. The other ones are staying up, though. I don't think the other Avengers know about this."

Parker looked at the flash drive, then Ned. Peter said, "Maybe they should."

Ned thought about it, then nodded. Who knew how many other kids Stark was stalking. What a creep.

Chapter Text

This one is pretty ridiculous. I don't remember if this is pre-Ragnarok Hulk or not, but either way it doesn't make Tony look good. If it's pre-Ragnarok Hulk, Tony's exploiting someone who is not mentally capable of understand the rights he would lose by signing the Accords. If it's post-Ragnarok Hulk, it's the same as the Peter situation: Tony is exploiting Hulk by not explaining the full situation and that Thaddeus Ross is involved. What if someone else was there to make sure Hulk knew all the facts?

Note: This is an AU where Bruce is still Hulk when he returns to Earth.

***

Tony rolled the Hulk's thumb over an ink pad. Tony said, "So you don't know how to write? No problem, Mean Green. We'll have you sign the Accords with your mark. Very Medieval."

Tony smirked as he thought about how easy it was to get the Hulk to agree to sign. All Tony had to do was say it was the only way to stay at the compound. And that the Hulk could trust Tony, of course.

Natasha's voice suddenly said, "Hey, Big Guy. You may want to wait a moment before you do that."

Tony wanted to ask how she got through security, but the way Natasha glared at him made him keep his mouth shut.

Natasha walked up to the table and said to the Hulk, "Before you put your thumbprint on this, I need to check: Did Tony tell you that if you sign the Accords you have to wear a tracker? And only go where you're told? And that it's okay for you to be put in an underwater prison if the person in charge decides you're dangerous?"

The Hulk made a wounded sound and looked at Tony. The Hulk shook his head and said, "No tell."

Natasha nodded and continued, "And Tony told you who would be in charge of you, right? Thaddeus Ross."

The Hulk roared and brought his fists down on the table, smashing it to splinters.

Natasha patted the Hulk's arm and said, "I thought you'd react that way. Let's get out of here."

The Hulk glared at Tony and growled, "Smash puny liar."

Tony hid behind a chair.

Natasha smirked and said, "I can understand the temptation, but he's really not worth it."

As the Hulk lifted Natasha to his shoulder and stomped away, Tony wondered what Bruce would think of Tony's actions.

Chapter Text

Either way you take this trope is creepy. What is it with prop-Tony folks ruining innocent teens' lives by exposing them to Tony Stark? Considering how horribly Tony treats Peter, who hero-worships Tony, why would anyone punish Harry Potter by inflicting Tony Stark on him? Or worse, put a barely-legal Harry in a sexual relationship with someone 30 years older? It's not like Harry had no possible companions his own age.

It's been years since I saw or read anything Harry Potter-related, but the person who mentioend this trope said Lily Evans Potter would never cheat (or even spend time) with Tony Stark, and that Harry took after his mother.

***

Harry knew that the muggle world had superheroes. They even had their own magicians of a sort with Doctor Strange and the Scarlet Witch.

But the muggle world didn't know about Hogwarts-type magic. At least he hoped not. So he wasn't sure why Iron Man had decided to land in front of Harry while Harry was on a school trip to New York.

Harry immediately moved away from the superhero, heading down an empty alleyway. The Iron Man suit landed in front of Harry again.

Then the faceplate flipped up and Tony Stark said, "Harry Potter! Son! Come here and give your dear old dad a kiss."

Harry put his back to the wall. He wanted to pull his wand and do SOMETHING, but he knew the rules about exposing muggles to magic. Instead, Harry said, "I'm not your son."

Iron Man beamed and said, "Of course you are! I saw your mom standing next to me in a photo of some event I attended back in the day. I'd have totally banged her. When I found out she had a kid I just KNEW it was--you were mine."

Harry's fists clenched as he growled, "My mother would NEVER cheat on my father. Especially not with a wanker like YOU."

Iron Man replied, "C'mon kid, open up and give your daddy a DNA sample. We'll celebrate all your birthdays at once!"

Harry was about to break more than a few rules when suddenly Spider-Man landed in front of him. Spider-Man said, "Mister Stark, we've been over this. You are not allowed to "adopt" anyone. We have restraining orders."

Spider-Man turned to Harry and said, "There's a website with pre-approved forms. Just fill in your info and click "Process" and you'll be added to the list of people Mister Stark is not allowed to contact."

Iron Man said, "You ungrateful pussy. After all I did for you, and you want to keep me from finding your replacement?"

Spider-Man turned to Harry and asked, "Want to get out of here?"

Harry nodded in relief and said, "Yes, please."

Spider-Man turned back to Iron Man and said, "Leave Harry alone or I'm calling Pepper--and the police."

Then Spider-Man grabbed Harry's arm and hauled him up the wall and across the rooftops. After a few minutes, Spider-Man stopped and said, "So where do you want me to drop you?"

Harry said, "I'm meeting my friends at the Empire State Building. Do you mind staying a moment to corroborate my story? I'm not sure anyone will believe me otherwise."

Spider-Man said, "Sure! It's been a while since I swung by there."

Chapter Text

This is definitely a theme with prop-Tony folks: Take one of the most privileged, over-powered characters in the MCU, then give him even MORE powers. And still have him face zero consequences for his actions. In one variation, poor Darcy Lewis is roped in to be Tony's goddess wife--as if Darcy would tolerate anyone treating her the way Tony Stark treats women. The irony is that no matter how powerful prop-Tony writers make him, Tony Stark is still a petty, small-minded man bent on "revenge" on Team Cap for the "betrayal" of disagreeing with him about the Accords.

Admittedly, Tony's behavior DOES match many gods of old--especially ones who would destroy lives and move on without an apology or shred of remorse. But what if some of the gods who actually cared about humanity found out about what was about to happen?

***

The Infinity Gauntlet was the ultimate source of power. In the moment of his snap, Tony realized that in addition to disposing of Thanos, he could have all the powers of the gods.

Tony smirked as he made plans for that power: Punishing Captain Stuck-Up and everyone else who "betrayed" him by making their own decisions instead of falling in line like they were supposed to. He would make them all pay. He could already picture it, complete with their screams. He thought, "I will be a GOD!"

Some vaguely humanoid figures appeared before him. One said, "Not if we have something to do about it." One turned to the other members of the group and said, "I told you this would happen."

Two said, "You told us this COULD happen. There was no guarantee. This one could have pictured using his godlike powers for good, not spite."

Three said, "I wake up after five thousand years and find out that humanity is just as petty and cruel as when I took a nap."

Tony thought, "I don't care who you are--just wait until I unleash my powers on YOU." He felt the power start to surge...

And abruptly stop, as Four said, "This universe has suffered enough. We were not prepared when Thanos forced his will upon the cosmos, and the cosmos paid the price. But we will not allow you to cause further damage."

One said, "Your human life is forfeit. You will not survive."

Two sighed and said, "It's such a pity. There are so many worthy ones here that I would have been pleased to join us."

As Tony's consciousness returned to his destroyed body and the few seconds before his death, he heard Three say, "Considering the keeper of the Time Stone thought the only path to victory involved this one dying, I think it's a good thing we were watching. Thanks for awakening me."

Chapter Text

This gem is from the same prop-Tony person who wanted a WW2 hero twisted into a Tony prop. They claim that there's a direct parallel between the Accords and the laws of the Federation, including the Prime Directive. Apparently, they're hand-waving away these facts:
1 - The Accords violate the Constitution and the Geneva Conventions, which influenced the Federation laws. So no one from Star Trek would support the Accords.
2 - The Stark Trek folks would be too smart to take Steve's "safest hands" comment out of context then ignore Steve's "oversight with safeguards" position. They would know Steve is being reasonable, especially since some of the Star Trek folks (especially Next Generation) have also dealt with Hydra-like villains hiding in their government.
3 - The Federation laws were crafted by all parties, not written in secret and dumped on the people who would be illegally stripped of their rights by them. It's a very different situation.
4 - The Star Trek folks are too aware of all the times they violated the Prime Directive to bash Team Cap for violating the Accords they DIDN'T sign, while the Star Trek folks would be disgusted by Tony Stark, who signed the agreement and then committed multiple violations and crimes, including creating a satellite that violates privacy and kills children on command.

Who would the Star Trek folks REALLY have a problem with? I'm using Next Generation and Voyager folks because that's what the original Steve-bashing prompt has. This prop-Tony person really doesn't recognize irony, because Next Gen are the ones who had Hydra-types in the government and Voyager had multiple examples of intervening, including the pilot episode.

***

Tony smirked as he was escorted through the corridors of Voyager. He couldn't believe that in this universe, Star Trek was real! And he'd actually managed to land himself on Captain Kathryn Janeway's ship.

His only disappointment is that no one had left a padd or other piece of technology lying around. He would've liked a souvenir of his trip. (One that he could reverse-engineer and then claim as his own brilliance, the same way he took credit for Beck's BARF technology.) But the Vulcan security chief had a stink eye to rival Nick Fury's.

When the door panel opened to a conference room, Tony fell into a seat and spread his hands. He said, "So, you read the material about the Sokovia Accords. When are you coming back with me to my Earth and set a few people straight? I can't wait to see Captain Stuck-Up's reaction when you point out how refusing to sign the Accords is like refusing to follow the Federation directives. Cap's obviously wrong to go wherever he wants to do whatever he wants."

Captain Kathryn Janeway--bangable, but not as much as the Borg chick with the impressive rack--smirked and said, "Mister Stark, it seems that you've been holding out on us."

The Borg chick said, "Your AI was most helpful in providing a more comprehensive picture of your world and the situation."

The Big Chief first officer said, "In fact, we're not quite sure why you thought we were the people to contact. You ARE aware of how we ended up in the Delta Quadrant, correct?"

Tony nodded and said, "Sure, I binge-watched the whole series."

The snarky pilot guy--Tony's favorite character--asked, "So what hap--"

"Belay that question, Mr. Paris," Janeway said. She looked at Tony and said, "Unlike you, Mr. Stark, we recognize irony. So even if we were going to waste our time traveling to an alternate universe to deliver lectures, we wouldn't be lecturing Captain America and his companions. Especially me. How could I tell those people they're wrong for refusing to sign a document that would make them ignore a crisis situation that could endanger their planet? I violated the non-interference orders. I should never have interfered with local events, but instead I destroyed the Array rather than leave a powerful weapon in the hands of the Kazon, who would have used that weapon to terrorize the other inhabitants of the Delta Quadrant."

Pilot guy said, "Yeah, how stupid would we look lecturing people about ignoring borders in support of a guy who DID THE SAME THING but just didn't get arrested for it?"

Big Chief nodded and said, "We would be lecturing YOU, Mr. Stark, for signing a document that strips people of their rights. Especially when you yourself saw the violations allowed by the Accords--no due process, inhuman imprisonment--"

"You endangered a child," the Borg chick interrupted with an icy glare. She continued, "You locked yourself in a room with a 14-year-old boy and then blackmailed him into fighting your battles. Then you abandoned that child after he was no longer of use. That was YOU. Not your Captain America, nor any of his team. YOU deserve more than a lecture."

The Vulcan raised a brow and said, "Indeed." Then he continued, "Ms. Torres informed me that Mr. Stark's tech is useless to us, as it offers no way to shorten our travel time in THIS universe."

Janeway looked at Stark and jerked her thumb as she said, "Get outta here, Stark. And don't come back until you understand EXACTLY why you're full of crap."

***

Tony grimaced at the taste of Earl Grey. He wished he'd brought a flask to add a shot that would make the tea palatable.

He'd been left in the Captain's office, but under guard by the Klingon. Tony had tried making small talk, but all big, wrinkled, and grim did was scowl at him and tell him to "be silent or be silenced."

Captain Baldy walked in, followed by the android and the hot half-alien chick with another great rack. Tony shoved his tea away and said, "You get it, right? The Accords are just like the Federation directives. I need you to come back to my planet and tell the Rogues to suck it up and sign."

Tony nodded to himself. He should have come to these people first. They were the most law-and-order group in the Trek universe.

As they all took seats around the room, the android said, "Mr. Stark, you appear to be mistaken. The only similarity between your Sokovia Accords and the Federation directives is that they are a group of regulations. The differences are vast. The Federation directives were crafted by all parties entering into the agreement. Your Accords were not. Instead, they were written in secret with no input from the beings they seek to control. All parties joining the Federation are given ample time to read the directives and suggest amendments before signing, which is the standard contract process. The authorities on your world offered insufficient time for review, nor did they offer any mechanism of changing the Accords before ratification. This is clearly not in alignment with Federation policies."

The android didn't seem to need to breathe as he continued, "The Federation directives do not seek to strip rights from a particular class of beings, as your Accords do. Nor do the Federation directives violate your United States Constitution or the United Nations Geneva Conventions. But your Accords do so. In conclusion, there is no way any member of the Federation or Starfleet could endorse these Accords."

Tony jumped up and said, "How can you SAY that! You heard Cap say 'the safest hand are still our own'--what kind of crap is that?"

Baldy said, "You forgot to mention that Captain Rogers was willing to consider 'oversight with safeguards'. Captain Rogers sounded perfectly reasonable to me, given the infiltration of your governments by the group known as Hydra. You seem to have forgotten that the Federation had its own experience with secret takeovers of the government. Every member of Starfleet has had reason to believe 'the safest hands are still our own'."

The man leaned back and concluded, "Frankly, Mr. Stark, we were rather confused as to why you thought we would involve ourselves in your petty squabbles, until Counselor Troi provided her assessment."

The alien chick nodded and said, "I sense great jealousy and resentment in you, Mr. Stark. That you refuse to acknowledge the problems with the Accords--or your violations and criminal actions associated with those events--suggests considerable emotional and possibly cognitive problems. I suggest you seek counseling when you return to your world."

The Klingon clamped a heavy hand on Tony's shoulder and said, "Which you will be doing--immediately."

Chapter Text

So, in the comics apparently Gamora and Tony hooked up once and Gamora was NOT impressed. She literally finishes with him and goes back to the bar (possibly to pick up someone else who can actually satisfy her).

Apparently some prop-Tony folks try to use the scene to say Tony was pegged/is bisexual. But 1) Wanting to be pegged by a woman does not make you bisexual and 2) There's no evidence of pegging, just Tony being embarrassed that he didn't satisfy and sore from his member being used by an enhanced alien woman. It was role reversal in that Gamora fucks and leaves Tony the way Tony usually fucks and leaves the women he picks up.

The idea that Gamora would choose to be with Tony longer than that doesn't seem in-character or fair to her at all. She was stolen from her home by Thanos, a man who bullied and abused her for her entire life. Why punish her by sticking her with a man who mocks others' traumas and bullies people as a habit? Plus, MCU!Gamora was with Peter Quill, who (from my impression) is a laid-back guy who tries to boast but has a good heart. Plus, Quill seems to understand that what he wants is not paramount. He doesn't seem like the kind of man who would insist his teammates sign away their civil rights to ease his guilt and get his girlfriend back.

What would happen if Tony tried to pick up Gamora? (It's certainly possible. Tony made lewd remarks to and about May Parker while in a relationship with Pepper.)

Note: This is an AU where the Guardians visit Earth post-Avengers 1.

***

Gamora snickered as she watched Quill shaking the hand of the handsome specimen known as Captain America. The blond was offering a confused smile, but seemed content to let Quill pump his arm and babble as long as Quill wanted.

She made sure to keep the fondness from her face, despite how cute Quill's fan-boying was. (They would all tease him about it later.) She ran her eyes over the two men. The Captain was VERY fit, and sweet to indulge Quill. It made him very attractive.

Behind her, the one known as Iron Man said, "We've already got a Green Giant, so I guess you're Sprout. You'd rock the one-shoulder leaf dress."

Gamora frowned at the name and the noxious smell of the Iron Man's cologne. Rocket did NOT like this man or the way the Iron Man had poked at Groot and Rocket. He had also called Drax "Huckleberry Hound," which Drax thought was a compliment of his tracking skills. Gamora did not agree.

She set down her fruity drink, turned, and said, "I told you before: My name is Gamora Zen Whoberi Ben Titan."

Iron Man smirked at her and said, "Gamora, hello again. In case you forgot, I'm Tony Stark, genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist."

Gamora HAD forgotten, because she didn't care what the Iron Man's name was.

Stark leaned into her space and said, "You look kind of bored and lonely here. How'd you like to get the grand tour of the penthouse? Starting with my bedroom." He waggled his eyebrows at her.

Gamora's first thought was to stab Stark to get him to leave her alone. But everyone else was getting along so well, and Quill may want to visit his home planet again.

Instead, she smiled and leaned into Stark, holding her breath to avoid the smell. She said, "Actually, I was about to go to MY bedroom. But not with you."

As Stark scowled, Gamora continued, "Quill is my lover, and he is half-Celestial. I doubt a mere human would have the...stamina to satisfy me. Besides, I heard you were in a relationship with a pepper?"

She hid her disgust with Stark as she glanced over at the Captain and Quill. She said, "Now your charming Captain...I 've heard HE is enhanced AND unattached. He looks quite delicious. I would love to take a bite out of HIM."

As Stark squawked, Gamora walked over to Quill and the Captain, noting the way Quill was still holding the Captain's hand in both of his. Maybe Quill would also like a taste of Captain America?

She smiled and walked over to find out.

Chapter Text

I don't know what it is about anime characters that make some writers force them to prop Tony, but here's another one. Bulma is from a series called Dragon Ball. At first, I thought she actually WOULD prop Tony, because she's described as very smart, but spoiled, vain, and selfish. BUT - she apparently outgrew those traits to be more generous and helpful to others, and she is known for approaching situations and making decisions rationally. So rationally speaking, there's absolutely no reason for this scientist to prop Tony Stark.

Note: This is an AU where Bruce comes back before Infinity War, finds out Tony supports the Accords and is Ross's henchman, and promptly leaves to join Team Cap. Also, I've never seen Dragon Ball so I don't know what kind of technology Bulma actually has.

***

Bulma ran a hand through her short blue hair as she examined her surroundings. She was NOT in her lab, getting ready to leave for the day. Instead, she was in some strange room with a few consoles and glass walls. Beyond them, she could see someone else's workshop. She called out, "Who are you and why am I here?"

A man with strange facial hair approached the glass wall. The man said, "Well, Baby Blue, I'm the billionaire genius Tony Stark and you're here to be my new science buddy. Apparently my last one couldn't handle the fact that as an enhanced person he's now subject to a system run by the man who hunted him down like a dog."

Bulma frowned and said, "I do not wish to be here. Return me to my lab immediately." She wanted to be home in time for dinner with her husband and son.

Stark shrugged and said, "No can do. We've got to science together to bond a bit. You can help me plan to destroy the people who betrayed me so horribly."

Bulma stepped forward and said, "Explain."

She had a hard time keeping her face still as she realized that the "betrayal" of "the rogues" amounted to not agreeing to sign away their civil rights or allow themselves to become tools of the government (including, apparently, the man named Ross who believed it was good and right to "hunt someone down like a dog").

Some part of her recognized the self-centeredness that she herself suffered from when she was young. Apparently Stark had reached middle age without actually growing up.

When Stark moved on to complaining how he was prevented from murdering a man he KNEW was brainwashed, Bulma had had enough.

She pulled out one of her devices and shot Stark with a freeze ray. While he was immobilized, she scanned the lab. In a few moments she had reviewed Stark's systems, the device he used to pull her from her home UNIVERSE, and the operations to send herself back.

Bulma walked over to the nearest control panel and started inputting commands. She also set the system to self-destruct after she was safely returned. No one else would be pulled into Stark's universe to become his tool for revenge.

As she walked to her launch spot, she said to Stark, "I suggest you reconsider your life choices. You seem to be making very poor ones."

She returned to her own universe with a sigh of relief and a desperate need for a long, hot bath. And a sense of gratitude for the people and events that had caused her to become the woman she was today.

Chapter Text

This is another one of those "being a multi-billionaire who never faces consequences and being Iron Man aren't ENOUGH" stories that overpowers Tony even more. This time, he takes Arthur Curry's place as Aquaman and King of Atlantis. Now, it's been years since I've seen the Jason Mamoa film, but my impression was that Arthur was someone who was a bit unfocused, but generally a good guy. Certainly not the type to mock people's tragedies, blackmail children, or want to punish people for refusing to sign away their civil rights. Honestly, Tony sounds more like David Kane, "a ruthless pirate and a high-seas mercenary with a flair for creating deadly technological innovations." And when has Tony ever shown himself to be a leader? He pushes off his responsibilities on others, which is NOT king material.

Plus, poor Mera gets roped in as Tony's love interest. Why would she be interested in a middle-aged manchild more than 20 years older than her?

Note: I'll be addressing the "Steve unleashes all the monsters" trope separately.

***

Maria Stark frowned as she and Atlantean princess Mera followed Tony to the Karathen, the Leviathan guarding the Trident of Atlan. While Maria was thrilled to see her son again (or anyone, after decades alone in this secret realm), he was very different than she remembered. Tony boasted of being a multi-billionaire and of being Iron Man, a hero of the surface world.

But then he started ranting about "Team Crap" and how they "betrayed" and "abandoned" him. He seemed obsessed with getting revenge and punishing them.

Even more worrying, Mera admitted that she'd learned of this team. Their "betrayal" was simply refusing to sign a document that would force them to wear tracking devices and turn them into tools of the surface governments. They would have to go where they were told and do what they were told, or be locked away in an underwater prison.

Mera leaned in and whispered, "I've seen the place they call the Raft. It was so dark and horrible, Maria. No place for a surface being."

Tony continued his rant as he said, "They have to pay for what they did to me. If they'd signed the Accords like I wanted, everything would be fine."

Mera frowned and said, "You signed the Accords when you were Iron Man, a mere human. Now that you know your true nature, will you register as an Enhanced and wear the tracking device?"

Tony laughed and said, "It's like you haven't met me. Of course not. I'll pretend my new powers are a form of technology."

As the trio approached the Karathen, Maria said, "Tony, please reconsider your intentions. You are meant to be king of the ocean peoples. A good king rises above petty squabbles. Put aside your thoughts of revenge and focus on the people of the deep. You must be ready to lead them."

Tony stepped toward the Karathen and seemed to be having a stare-down contest.

Maria and Mera waited. They needed the Karathen to release the Trident of Atlan so Tony would become Master of the Seas and reunite all the peoples of the deep under his rule.

Mera said quietly, "I know we need the Trident to stop Orm, but Maria, I fear for our people. Tony is not the man I thought he would be."

Maria replied, "I love my son, but he is no king."

Mera clenched her fists and said, "I WILL save my people. I will MAKE Tony do what needs to be done."

Suddenly the Karathen rose, its limbs shifting. But instead of releasing the Trident to Tony, the creature shoved him aside and moved toward the women.

Both women gasped as the Karathen presented the Trident to MERA.

The Karathen's gravelly voice sounded in their heads as it said, "So long I have waited for one of Atlan's blood to be worthy. But the one you brought me has a weak mind and a bitter heart."

It pressed the trident into Mera's hands and said, "You hold your people's well-being first in your heart and mind. You seek the good of all. YOU are a worthy Master of the Seas. I will await your call."

As the Karathen swam away, Tony rushed over to them. He said, "What the hell? I'M supposed to be the king!"

Maria shook her head and said, "You are not worthy."

Then she turned to Mera, bowed, and said, "My queen, will you lead your people?"

Mera straightened and said, "Yes. To victory--and to peace."

Tony sulked the whole way back.

Chapter Text

What is it with prop-Tony writers taking anime characters minding their own business in their own universes and dragging them over to the MCU to prop Tony? It's definitely a trend. Here we have another one, a character called Toshinori Yagi, also known as All Might. The only thing he has in common with Tony is being considered obnoxious, though I don't think All MIght is considered that bad. All Might also appears determined to protect others even when it's not in his best interest, which is more like the other Avengers than Tony. All Might seems to be a lot like Thor at first glance, being big, blond, and campy. All Might also has a scrawny, scarred look that reminds me of pre-serum Steve.

There doesn't seem to be any reason for All Might to bash anyone. In the story that this is based on, Tony met All Might years ago. The author doesn't seem to realize that All Might would be perceptive enough to notice that Tony has gotten worse over the years, and that All Might himself will be subject to the Accords. (The story also uses the tag "The Avengers were never a family" and turns Peter Parker into a girl and makes him Tony's biological child. Bizarre.)

Note: I've never seen this character or anime, so he's probably out of character.

***

All Might, also known as Toshinori Yagi, suddenly appeared in the common room of the compound. He flexed his muscles and slid a hand through his tufted blond hair. He proclaimed, "I have come to your aid, Tony Stark! What do you seek from All Might?"

A man in a wheelchair asked, "All Might? Uh, okay, my name's Rhodey." Then Rhodey looked at Tony and asked, "You know this guy?"

Tony focused on All Might as he jumped up and said, "Thanks for coming! I've got a bunch of people for you to do your United States of Smash on. Just as soon as I find Team Crap, I'll send you there to kick their asses."

Rhodey frowned and said, "Tony, why are you sending some random guy to attack our friends?"

Tony scowled and replied, "Friends? They're not my friends. We were never friends. The Avengers were never a family. Friends and family wouldn't BETRAY me the way those people did."

Rhodey's eyebrows rose as he said, "Those people? You mean the ones I've been training and doing missions with for the last two years while you went off to live your own life? And how exactly did they betray you?"

Tony crossed his arms and said, "By refusing to sign the Accords and not standing down at the airport."

All Might frowned and asked Rhodey, "You did not know of this betrayal?"

Rhodey shook his head and said, "It's not a betrayal. We had a falling out, sure. There are these new regulations called the Accords. Some of us signed them, some thought they were bad news. It was a personal call, nothing to do with Tony."

Rhodey frowned and continued, "And the airport--how the hell is that clusterfuck a betrayal of YOU, Tony? You're the one who refused to listen when you heard about the Winter Soldiers and started the fight. No way they were gonna stand down."

Rhodey looked at All Might and said, "Most of Cap's team let themselves be captured so two of them could get away. We haven't seen or heard anything about them since."

All Might narrowed his eyes as Tony looked away. Then All Might said, "Refusing to sign these Accords does not sound like a betrayal of you at all, Tony."

Rhodey leaned forward and said to Tony, "There's no point in this guy being here unless he's becoming an Avenger, Tones. You know you can't send this guy after anybody. He'll need to sign the Accords and register if he's sticking around. While Ross seems like he'd be fine with this guy smashing up places to get at Cap, I don't think the rest of the U.N. panel will let him go anywhere."

All Might shrugged and said, "I will not sign your Accords. I do not want to be an Avenger. I have my own universe to protect. And I do not believe it would be appropriate to even do the Texas Smash against this team you mention."

Tony scowled and said, "The Winter Soldier killed my parents. Cap slammed his frisbee into my arc reactor so I couldn't kill his cyborg buddy. I could have DIED in the frozen wastes after he abandoned me in SIBERIA."

Rhodey shook his head and asked, "I'm sorry to hear that, Tony. But why were you even there? When did you get the okay to go to Siberia--or did you just fly off on your own without permission?"

All Might looked at Tony and said, "You do not appear frozen. So even if this Cap slammed his 'frisbee' into you, you must have been left with some means of contact or transport."

All Might crossed his arms and asked, "Is this the only problem here? Your petty desire for revenge?"

Tony only glared as his answer.

All Might nodded and said, "When we met so many years ago, Tony, I thought you were far too reckless and careless for your age, but that you would grow out of it. Now it seems you have become someone who would deliberately do harm. I am sorry to have seen you again, because now I know this is the man you have become."

All Might returned to his own universe, determined to be an even better protector.

Chapter Text

Have you noticed how vicious and spiteful characters become when they're turned into Tony props? This trope has Maria Stark lecturing Team Cap about how cruel they are to her poor baby. As if she didn't notice that her "baby" was a forty-something hypocritical, misogynistic, transphobic, homophobic multi-billionaire who'd been hurting others with his negligence and recklessness for decades. How would Maria Stark really react if she was forced to confront the people that Tony had hurt?

Note: This is a continuation of the scene in Chapter 19.

***

Tony was still fuming at the failure of his plan to have Sarah Rogers lecture her son on Cap's terrible treatment of Tony. He was still lurking in the villain's lair, figuring out how to operate the device that brought people from Team Crap's past into the present time.

Tony frowned. He supposed it made sense that Cap's mom wouldn't lecture Cap. Maybe it wasn't CAP's mother that needed to deliver the lecture...

He changed the settings, pushed the button, and a moment later Maria Stark stood in the room. She looked just as she did in the BARF scene as she turned to look around the room.

As she glanced at him, she asked, "Tony, is that you?"

Tony almost cried as he rushed over to hug her. He said, "Yeah, Mom, it's me."

After they hugged for a few minutes, Maria leaned back and said, "You're so much older--what's happened?"

For a moment, Tony thought about just taking his mom to lunch and forgetting about humiliating Team Cap. But it was more important to shame them for the terrible way they treated Tony. He said, "Mom, there are some people here who have been just HORRIBLE. We were supposed to be a TEAM and instead they BETRAYED me and ATTACKED me. They're here, along with some of their family. I need you to tell them just how badly they've treated me."

Maria frowned and said, "What exactly did they do?"

Tony eagerly showed her the film of Cap's "greatest hits" he'd created for Sarah Rogers--all the times Cap was just AWFUL to Tony. Like that time Cap tried to say Coulson was a soldier, or that time the scepter made Cap acknowledge that there were guys worth 10 of Tony, or that time Cap had a hissy fit over Tony making Ultron behind everyone's back, or that time Cap refused to sign away his human rights when Tony lied that he could amend the Accords, and especially that time Cap wouldn't STAND DOWN while Tony as trying to murder Barnes in Siberia. He said, "This is just ONE PERSON."

Before Maria could reply, Tony pulled her to the window in the lab so they could look down on the room where the others were gathered. He pointed at Natasha and said, "SHE switched sides during a battle and told me my ego was so big I couldn't see when I was wrong." He pointed at Sam and said, "HE moved out of the way so my friend was hit by a laser shot by one of my teammates." He pointed at Wanda and said, "SHE was working for the other side a couple years ago and gave me a minute-long bad dream."

Maria watched all the hugging and laughing and crying going on. Then she turned to Tony and said, "I don't understand you, Tony. What exactly do you want me to do? Interrupt these reunions--to tell these people what? That they should let themselves be shot? That they should let you murder someone because you're upset? That they should sign their rights away? That they shouldn't be angry when you went behind their backs to do something you knew was wrong?"

Tony pouted and said, "You're supposed to be on MY side."

Maria shook her head and said, "I'm supposed to love you, and I do. But I can't pretend. Tony, you seem to be on the WRONG side for a lot of the things you've said and shown me."

In the room below, Team Cap was crying and hugging their people and then stepping back. The family members from the past disappeared one by one. Tony was suddenly glad the witch's brother hadn't showed up just to vanish from her life again.

Maria turned them away from the window and sat down on a lab bench. She said, "I don't have much time, I think. Let's not waste it. Tell me about your life."

As Tony sat beside her and put his head on her shoulder, he realized that he didn't really want his mother to know about his life. There were only a few things to be proud of. He would focus on those. He said, "Well, I managed to take dad's arc reactor and shrink it to a palm-sized power source..."

Chapter Text

I can only assume the prop-Tony person who came up with this trope is as naive as MCU!Peter Parker. Otherwise it looks like a parody. Tony is a multi-billionaire, which means he hoards his wealth instead of...helping the homeless. And Tony is likely to have guards (or robots) shuffle off anyone who tried to bunk down near Stark Tower. So having Iron Man get involved at all is just an invitation to Peter facing a painful truth.

Note: Takes place before Spider-Man: Homecoming. Also, Tony COULD hare his wealth, but he chooses not to. There's a story about the owner of a tech company who realized one day that his workers deserved better. So the owner gave up his jets and multi-million dollar paycheck to make sure the starting salary at his company was $70k for everyone. Imagine if a billionaire did that.

***

Peter hesitated before he started destroying his first gate. This gate and the entrance to the store were private property, and he knew the owner's family had scrimped and saved to buy it. Was this really something the Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man should do? He wished he had someone to ask, but Mr. Stark ignored his calls these days.

Suddenly the Iron Man suit landed beside Peter. Mr. Stark said, "I'm testing out a new stealth mode. Don't tell anyone."

Peter didn't point out that anyone with a cell phone camera would reveal Mr. Stark's location, because there weren't a lot of people out at 2am.

Mr. Stark looked at the gate and asked, "What are you up to?"

Peter cleared his throat and said, "I, uh, I was just thinking that this prevents someone from taking shelter in the doorway. But then I was thinking how the family that owns this bodega spent a lot of money on the gate and--"

Mr. Stark nodded and said, "You want to get rid of this anti-homeless device. I'll help! My laser will cut through this bad boy in two seconds and--"

Peter interrupted with "Wait! Mr. Stark! I just realized--you could REALLY help."

The faceplate flipped up, showing Mr. Stark frowning as he asked, "What did you have in mind?"

Peter turned to Mr. Stark and said, "You have that big tower--you could probably find a spot for every homeless person in the city."

Mr. Stark looked away as he mumbled, "Well, you need a badge to get in and none of them could afford the rent and even if I don't have a mortgage there are still expenses and..."

Peter frowned and said, "Well, you have billions of dollars, right? Maybe you could use a million or two to buy some buildings and turn them into low-rent or no-rent housing. It would help people get off the streets."

Mr. Stark shook his head and said, "My money is tied up in--I have bills, you know the electric bill for my workshop is..."

Peter said slowly, "But the building runs on an arc reactor..."

Mr. Stark stepped back and said, "You know, I really should be getting back. Don't want Secretary Ross to find out Iron Man slipped his leash. So, um, don't do drugs. Stay in school. Great chat. Bye!"

As Iron Man's faceplate came down and Mr. Stark blasted off, Peter wondered what would happen to anyone who tried to sleep in the doorway of Stark Tower. He didn't think Mr. Stark would welcome them with open arms. It made Peter sad to think his hero was so selfish.

Peter turned and climbed a wall to make his way home. He really should ask Mr. Stark what he did with all his billions--if Peter ever saw Mr. Stark again.

Chapter Text

This is another trope that doesn't make any sense. It again starts out with Tony "dumbest genius ever" Stark somehow helpless in Siberia in a bunker full of technology. This time, "bad Shield" (which somehow includes Team Cap, I believe) kidnap Tony, who has to be rescued by "good Shield" including Coulson and Daisy Johnson/Quake. Poor Daisy is again paired with Stark, a man old enough to be her father. The reason for the kidnapping is especially ridiculous--to make Tony "fix the growing hate,” against bad Shield or Team Cap I assume. The funniest thing about the trope is that even if there WERE two Shields, they'd be united in their disdain for a hypocrite who also blackmails children and shoots unarmed people.

Note: This probably isn't how you deal with delusional people.

***

Phil Coulson shook his head as he watched Tony Stark pace around the padded room they'd used to secure him. Tony Stark may have been a technical genius, but his delusions were going to get someone hurt if they weren't careful. Of course, the world wasn't going to be missing much, considering Stark kept most of his technical innovations for himself.

Daisy stepped up beside him and scowled at Tony as she said, "I'm glad it's one-way glass. I really don't need to be hit on again by that creep."

Coulson glanced over and asked, "What did you find?"

Daisy replied, "It's worse than we thought. There's a lot of evidence. Stark shooting an unarmed Falcon. Stark flying across multiple countries' airspace in violation of the Accords. He also let Thaddeus Ross know that Hawkeye has a family."

Coulson winced but didn't comment as Daisy continued, "Then when Stark got to Siberia, he cut off Barnes' arm and THEN shot the guy in the back and kicked him in the head. But that's not the worst..."

Coulson looked over with his brows raised, waiting for the last bit.

Daisy gritted her teeth and said, "I tracked down that spider-guy at the airport. Stark was stalking the kid in New York. It's literally a KID. Fourteen-year-old enhanced. So not only did Stark smuggle an unregistered enhanced into Germany, he turned a 14-year-old into a CHILD SOLDIER and sent him up against some of the most dangerous people on the planet."

She shook her head, gestured at the glass, and said, "Part of me thinks all of this is Stark's way of keeping his own ass out of jail."

Coulson sighed and said, "I wish it was, but Stark isn't that clever."

A door slid open behind them, revealing Nick Fury, Black Widow, and Cap--Nomad. Coulson could admit that while he preferred the clean-shaven image of his boyhood dreams, a stubbled, take-no-crap Steve Rogers was also very appealing. Widow and Nomad stepped up to the observation glass as Fury said, "Did you confirm the initial report of Stark's criminal actions?"

Daisy nodded and said, "Yes. We've also plugged the holes he was making to prove his 'bad Shield' theory."

Coulson said, "Pepper Potts called my old number, which is still being monitored. She said that Stark was acting strangely, claiming he was going to be kidnapped by the 'bad Shield' to 'fix the growing hate,' whatever he thinks that means. Stark was breaking into government servers trying to contact the 'good Shield' that was going to rescue him from the 'bad Shield.' It's all rather nonsensical, which unfortunately can be the nature of some delusions."

Widow glanced over and asked, "So what do you want us to do?"

Coulson appreciated the fact that neither Widow nor Nomad was freaking out about Coulson still being alive. He said, "We're going to try shocking Stark to snap him out of his delusion. When he sees we are a united front, that there is only one Shield, he may realize that his current worldview does not match reality."

Nomad straightened his always-impressive shoulders and said, "If that's what Tony needs."

Daisy pressed some commands into her tablet and then set it aside. She said, "Mack is monitoring from the control room. He'll handle the door so we don't take any tech into the room."

They all nodded and stepped into Tony's cell when the door opened.

Tony's hair was wild, his eyes wide open and staring as he watched from a corner. His eyes darted from one face to another as Fury said, "Well, Stark, you certainly have an interesting theory about 'bad Shield' and 'good Shield'. Too bad it's a stupid-ass theory, as usual."

Widow shrugged and said, "Why would anyone kidnap you to 'fix the growing hate,' Tony? What exactly would we expect you to do? It's not like you can amend the Accords. Or speak in our defense, considering you're now Secretary Ross's lapdog and he wouldn't approve that."

Nomad said, "There isn't any hate for us, Tony, growing or otherwise. There's actually quite a lot of anti-Accords sentiment. That can happen when you give people more than three days to read a document that strips a class of people of their civil rights and violates both the Geneva Conventions and several countries' constitutions, including America's."

Coulson said, "There's only one Shield, Tony. We're just doing our jobs, and don't actually need you for anything. Especially since we have a ton of evidence you're not only a hypocrite over the Accords, but also someone who commits felonies against innocent children."

Tony looked at Daisy and said, "You have to save me! If they're all in it against me then you're my only hope! Plus you're decades younger than me and really hot, so after you rescue me I'll get to bang you because I'm Tony Stark."

Everyone in the room looked at Daisy. She was pretty proud of herself for not punching Stark in his leering face. Instead, she just said, "I'm done with this loser."

As she turned to leave, the door opened for her courtesy of Mack. The others followed her.

As Fury stood in the doorway, he shook his head and said, "Reality isn't always pretty, Tony, but we've all got to face it. And the reality is you signed to support the Accords, then you violated the Accords multiple times while acting more like a villain than some of the people Shield has put away. Nobody's going to kidnap you, Tony. We're too busy. We've got our own crap to deal with, so I suggest you take a good look at your life and deal with yours."

Chapter Text

This was trending for a while, along with the idea that Tony was already working on the Accords and knew best because he was familiar with them. I've already pointed out that Tony would be an even WORSE person for actually negotiating for the stripping of human rights from enhanced beings. But this idea that nobody at the Avengers compound bothered to watch the news is just ridiculous. Civil War SHOWED both Steve and Wanda watching the news. If the Accords were part of the broadcast, they'd know about it. The very idea that the Avengers are too self-centered/too stupid to keep track of current events is ridiculous. Especially when TONY is the one who never bothered with anything outside his own selfish bubble. So if rumors of the Accords HAD been on the news before Ross blindsided the team...

Note: I think with some actual time for discussion (without Peggy's death pulling Steve away or Tony there to end the conversation with "I won"), Rhodey and Vision would be persuaded to present a united front, not signing anything until they had the "oversight with safeguards" that Steve wanted.

***

Stark strutted from the helicopter into the compound as he said to Secretary Ross, "I'm sure they'll be just as surprised as I was about your little book of rules and regulations."

Ross looked at Stark and rolled his eyes. Stark's lack of interest in anything except his personal hobbies and comforts was legendary. Stark had skimmed the Accords so quickly he hadn't even noticed the lack of due process or the tagging of enhanced freaks like wayward dogs--or else Stark hadn't cared because he wasn't personally affected and could keep being Iron Man.

Personally, Ross considered leaking the hints of Accords being drafted by a U.N. panel to be a bad move. There was a reason it had been a SECRET U.N. panel. But the president insisted, so now Ross didn't know what he was walking into. Ross asked, "You really don't think any of them noticed the mentions of a comprehensive plan to register and deploy enhanced beings? Do you think they don't watch the news, read the paper, talk to people, have internet...?"

Stark shrugged and said, "It was news to me when you called for a lift."

Ross was rolling his eyes so much this morning, he hoped they didn't get stuck that way.

They entered the main compound building and Stark led the way to the conference area.

Instead of a small group of heroes without a clue, Stark and Ross were greeted with an entire room full of people with grim faces. Law books, laptops, and tablets were scattered on the tables, along with the dreaded yellow legal pads.

Rogers stood up and said, "Secretary Ross, we saw the reports of the U.N.'s plans to 'register and deploy' enhanced beings. These 'Accords' were created without any consultation with the enhanced beings who would be subject to them."

Wilson muttered, "Why am I not surprised?"

A man wearing dark glasses and holding a white cane stepped forward and said, "I am Matt Murdock, and my firm is taking point on the lawsuits to be filed demanding an immediate cease and desist on these Accords, which clearly discriminate against enhanced persons AND violate both the U.S. Constitution and the Geneva Convention. There are a LOT of groups that want to be part of this."

Ross gripped his copy of the Accords as Stark stepped forward and said, "Listen, legal blind eagle, you've got this all wrong. Ross here is giving you three days to--"

"We know about the three days," Pepper Potts said as she stepped out from the back of the crowd. As she walked forward, she said, "Tony, we know about the three days given to read what is an extremely detailed and complex document..."

Romanov said, "That we were somehow able to get an advance copy of to find out just how bad it is..."

Potts continued, "Tony, how could you think ANYONE should sign something they haven't helped write with so little time for review?"

Ross snorted. From how Stark had conducted--or actually ignored--his business responsibilities, he was surprised Potts even bothered to ask the question.

Stark waved his hands and asked, "Pepper, what are you even doing here? You're back to being a normal human. This doesn't concern you at all."

Potts frowned and said, "What does it matter whether I have Extremis or not? I saw the news reports on the suspected ways the Accords would treat people and called James and Steve--after I couldn't get a hold of YOU while you were sealed off in your lab. When they outlined what they'd read of the Accords already, I volunteered to coordinate their media response. And this DOES concern me. It should concern everyone who believes in basic rights like due process and habeas corpus."

While Stark's jaw dropped, Ross rolled his eyes, lifted the Accords and said, "So I take it there's no chance of discussing this?"

Ross doubted he'd get to guilt trip the Avengers about the (surprisingly low) number of casualties caused by saving the world multiple times. This crowd looked prepared for a fight.

Colonel Rhodes stepped up and took the book from Ross, then handed it to the android and said, "Vision, would you please read this and let us know if there are any differences between it and our advance copy?"

The android nodded and moved off while everyone else stared at Ross and Stark.

Wilson said, "You may go now."

Ross didn't know whether that meant Stark or just him, but Stark also turned to exit as he muttered, "I can't believe Pepper would do that to ME."

Ross couldn't believe that Stark was so stupid as to think that the other Avengers--or the rest of the world--were as self-centered as him.

Chapter Text

This one made me laugh out loud, it's so absurd. The prop-Tony person who wanted a real-life WW2 vet to bash Steve has taken that request down, and is now writing a story where Riddick and Vaako from Pitch Black and Chronicles of Riddick prop (and get into bed with) Tony.

I saw Pitch Black years ago. Riddick was an escaped killer being transported on a commercial space flight that crashed on a planet filled with aliens who attacked at night. Riddick's humanity is restored by the end of the film, partly because of two people: Carolyn Fry, a stubborn blonde pilot who lost her life trying to get the survivors off the planet. And Jack, a girl pretending to be a boy to get away and start a new life.

In Chronicles of Riddick, Riddick is taken captive by the Necromongers, an army of zombie-like warriors who want to convert people and kill all life in this universe. They're led by Lord Marshal Zhylaw, a brunet leader who is self-absorbed, ready to dictate everyone else's actions, and uncaring of the damage he causes. He also exploits an older Jack to try to turn her against Riddick, but Jack sacrifices herself in the end to protect Riddick. Vaako is a Commander in the Necromonger Army and in many fics, Riddick's lover.

Knowing all this, when Riddick comes to Earth and meets a self-sacrificing blond (Steve) and a self-absorbed, dictatorial brunet who exploits children (Tony), which one do you think Riddick and Vaako would REALLY side with?

Note: I don't know anything about the third film in the Riddick series, so this is set after Chronicles of Riddick. In the prop-Tony story, Tony has Extremis, so he also has it here. I'm also setting this after Civil War but before Homecoming. Vision left the Avengers early and was with Team Cap when they went to Wakanda to discuss with T'Challa how to answer Riddick's message.

***

The image of a planet floated on the screen. Riddick looked at it and said, "What's it called again? Dirt?"

"Earth," Commander Vaako replied. He moved next to his leader and lover to study the world and said, "We could convert billions of souls to the cause--"

Riddick interrupted, saying, "Forget it. Right now we're looking for people to help us with the giant purple crazy guy who wants to snap away half of the universe."

Vaako said, "WE want to kill all unconverted life. Why stop this Thanos from making the job easier?"

Riddick scowled and said, "Because nobody makes the call who lives or dies except ME, remember?"

Vaako bowed and said, "Yes, Lord Marshal." Vaako glanced at a panel and said, "We are receiving several replies from our request for allies against Thanos. Would you like to make contact?"

Riddick nodded and crossed his arms. The first image was of a group of people--there was at least one robot in the middle of some tough-looking folks. Good-looking folks too. Riddick licked his lips as a man with blond hair and the beginnings of a beard stepped forward and said, "Greetings. I am Steve Rogers. So you are fully aware, I am speaking for a coalition of Earth heroes who are not sanctioned by our current governments. But if you are interested, we will join forces to stop Thanos."

The guy stepped closer on the screen and seemed to stare right into Riddick. Rogers continued, "Stopping Thanos is a priority for all of us, but before we begin making plans, we want to know what your intentions are toward our planet. We will fight to protect this universe, but we will also fight to protect everyone here from any threat--including you."

As data flowed across his screen, Vaako gestured for a worker to mute the contact and said, "It seems the group is a combination of skilled combatants and beings with powers beyond the norm for their species." Vaako continued quietly, "Their leader is a most attractive specimen."

Riddick grunted his agreement, but he also frowned as he studied the man on the screen. Rogers was handsome, but something about him was also familiar. As Riddick stared into determined blue eyes, he had a sudden memory of Carolyn Fry. She had the same straight shoulders and stubborn jaw as she worked to save everyone on that nightmare planet, so many years ago.

Riddick swallowed, switched the sound back on from his own panel, and said, "We'll get back to you."

Vaako pushed a button and the screen went blank. Then he glanced over and said, "Next contact coming through."

This time, there was only one guy with glowing fire eyes, dark hair, and a truly strange beard. The man said, "I'm Tony Stark, billionaire, genius, Iron Man with a flying suit of armor and the power to roast you where you stand without breaking a sweat. Technically there's a bunch of bureaucrats who will tell you they're in charge, but really I'm the power on this planet. And hotter than you, but you ARE hot, Cue Ball. So we should do lunch and get to know each other." The offer ended with a leer.

Riddick's eyes narrowed as he said to the Iron Guy, "I just talked to a whole group of folks. You got anybody backing you up?"

The Iron Guy's eyes flared up as he scowled and said, "Don't listen to that bunch of losers. I'm part of the Avengers. WE'RE the only legit heroes around."

Riddick shrugged and asked, "And how many of you are there?"

Stark's eyes snuffed out as he looked away and said, "Well there's me and War Machine. And Vision, if we can, uh, turn his tracker back on. And yeah, Spider-Man is on speed dial."

Vaako gestured for the worker to mute the sound, looked up from the screen, and said to Riddick, "According to our data mining of this Iron Man's systems, a governing body of this planet seeks to control the location and actions of enhanced beings under something called the Sokovia Accords. These Accords allow for the imprisonment of enhanced beings for undetermined lengths of time. This man signed those Accords, but his own records show he violated the conditions multiple times. And..."

Riddick asked, "What?"

Vaako frowned and said, "The War Machine is currently injured, and the Vision is actually the robotic being seen in Rogers' group. The Spider-Man Stark refers to was brought in once to fight for Stark. Spider-Man is an enhanced being, yes, but he is not listed as a signer of these Accords OR an Avenger."

Vaako paused, then said, "Possibly because Spider-Man is also only 14 years old."

Riddick unfolded his arms to hide his clenched fists. He had a sudden memory of Jack, scrawny and struggling but determined to do the right thing. He growled and said, "Find the kid."

As Vaako nodded and issued orders, Riddick stared at Stark, then said to Vaako, "This guy kinda reminds me of your old boss."

Vaako looked at the screen, then nodded and said, "Stark's history does hold some parallels. He seems to consider only his own wants and needs when taking action, and seems to care little for the impact on those around him, or even his entire planet."

Riddick nodded. Thanos was dangerous enough to hold off killing a potential ally, but if Stark did anything to annoy Riddick, Riddick would likely put a knife through the Iron Guy's skull. Seemed appropriate to kill this guy the same way he took out Zhylaw.

Riddick switched on the sound again and said to Stark, "We'll get back to you." As Riddick cut the contact, he muttered, "At the last possible moment."

Vaako looked over at Riddick. From the expression on the Commander's face, Vaako was having some interesting thoughts. Vaako asked, "Will we be initiating contact with Rogers' group for further discussions then?"

Riddick grinned and replied, "We'll be inviting Rogers on board for some personal reassurances of our intentions."

Riddick licked his lips again as he decided to hold the meeting in his and Vaako's quarters. Close enough to their bedroom to make sure the reassurances were VERY personal.

Chapter Text

Elsa from Frozen has been turned into a prop (and arm candy) for "Fire King" Tony. Apparently this prop-Tony author thinks Elsa, who was hyper-aware of her power and the consequences of using it, would be okay with Tony Stark ignoring his responsibilities for decades (both before and after becoming Iron Man). She also would be okay with Tony exploiting children, breaking his word, and attacking unarmed people. And she would be attracted to a man who was likely older than her father who thinks being handed something is an insult, but making fun of other people's tragedies isn't. (Then again, this author also used the tag "Tony Stark doesn't stand for child abuse" unironically, so I can't say I'm surprised.)

Poor Elsa...maybe she'll realize how the "Fire King" is really just a bunch of hot air.

***

Olaf waddled along the garden path with a wide smile as he said, "And I won't care how hot Fire King Tony Stark gets, I'll just roast some marshmallows!"

Anna looked at her friend and said, "I'm not really sure that's the best idea, Olaf."

Olaf frowned as he looked at the queen. He asked, "You don't like marshmallows anymore?"

Anna shook her head and looked at Kristoff. He took her hand and gave her an encouraging smile.

Anna asked, "Do you remember when we first met Prince Hans, Olaf?"

Olaf nodded and said, "Oh yes! We thought he was wonderful, and you were sweet on him."

Anna blushed and said, "That's right. I fell for his looks and his words. But that wasn't who Hans really was inside."

Olaf stopped and thought. Then he asked, "Is Fire King Tony Stark full of false looks and words?"

Kristoff nodded and said, "We think so, Olaf. The Grand Pabbie looked at the world the Fire King came from, and his history there. It wasn't good. Tony Stark claimed he was being hunted and persecuted, but he's the one who attacked people, even when they had no weapons or defenses of their own."

Anna nodded and said, "He didn't use his fire powers then, but he made weapons that hurt many people. Once in a while he would do something to help his world, but most of the time all he did was please himself. Plus Tony Stark gave his word, then broke it and hid his crimes. I don't think he belongs in our world at all. Certainly not in Arendelle or the Enchanted Forest. And especially not near Elsa."

Olaf puffed up and said, "I'll go tell that-that liar to stay away from Elsa!"

Kristoff stopped Olaf with his free hand and said, "Olaf, Elsa knows about all of it. And we may not think this is the best thing for her, but we can't stop her if she wants to spend time with Tony Stark."

Anna nodded and said, "All we can do is tell her again why he won't be welcome here, and remind her that Arendelle will always be her home, whenever she wants to visit."

As they reached the courtyard, Anna left the others to go hug her sister. As they stood together, Tony Stark waggled his brows and said, "You know I once banged a set of sisters. Twins--Maxim cover girls."

Anna ignored him and said to Elsa, "I'll always support you, Elsa, but I cannot welcome an oath-breaker, especially one who uses children to serve his own ends. But I WILL grant him safe conduct through Arendelle if you really want him to join you in the Enchanted Forest."

Elsa smiled and said, "Oh, I wouldn't let him near the swamp, much less the Enchanted Forest. I just needed him here to make sure he doesn't do any harm to this world, or any more harm to his own."

As Tony Stark's jaw dropped, Elsa gestured and enclosed him in an ice cube. As his eyes started to glow and flames appeared around him, the Grand Pabbie stepped up and stood next to Elsa. He said, "The next few moments are critical--he must not escape."

As Elsa focused on adding more layers of ice as Tony Stark burned through them, Pabbie used his magic.

Suddenly Tony Stark's fire disappeared and he stood in the cube, staring in shock. He shouted, "What the hell did you do to me?"

Olaf crept forward and whispered, "Did you put his fire out?"

The Grand Pabbie patted Olaf's head and said, "Not really. I simply made it so Tony Stark can only use his fire when it is in the service of good. Not for petty spite or revenge. We'll see how long it takes for him to realize it."

As Elsa dispersed the ice she said, "Arendelle does not welcome you. I stand united with my sister. The Enchanted Forest does not welcome you either. And when we let the leaders of the other realms know of your lies, you will not be welcomed anywhere in this world until you understand that you are responsible for your own actions."

The two sisters stood side-by-side and said together, "Depart now, and never return."

As Tony was escorted to the port by Arendelle guards, Olaf asked, "Can we still roast some marshmallows?"

Chapter Text

Now the poor souls of How to Train Your Dragon are turned into Tony props. This story starts out with a big lie that Tony is killed in Siberia. Then Tony is apparently someone named Hiccup's descendant, so Tony is reincarnated as a dragon. Apparently Toothless becomes Tony's pal and poor Dart has to be his mate. Also, the "world suffers the loss of Tony Stark" in the story, which is ironic because the Infinity War prelude comic showed Tony did NOTHING for the world in the years between Civil War and Infinity War. He just built suits for himself. I don't think the world would have missed them. I also don't think that if reincarnation was a thing, Tony would be considered worthy of being a dragon.

Note: I don't know How to Train Your Dragon, so Toothless is probably out of character.

***

Toothless woke knowing what was needed. He checked his mate and surroundings to confirm that all was well. Then he stepped from their nest to the opening in the cliff. On the piece of stone that jutted out to be launch pad and daytime resting place, he stopped and lifted his face to the moon and stars.

Over the many centuries since Hiccup's death, Toothless had been called from his sleep by the Guardian of Dragons to perform a solemn duty as the Alpha of the Night Furies. When Hiccup's descendants died, the Guardian of Dragons asked Toothless to agree or disagree to have that human soul called back from the Great Beyond to be reincarnated as a dragon. The power and long life of dragons could only be bestowed on someone who understood the responsibilities that came with those gifts. Very few were worthy.

A figure wearing red and gold armor appeared before Toothless. The Alpha Dragon saw all of the man's history in an instant. He immediately sensed that Tony Stark was not worthy, but Toothless always made sure. Toothless asked, "Why are you here, Tony Stark?"

The man glanced up at Toothless and said, "Whoa Godzilla, what a weird dream this is."

Toothless frowned and repeated the question.

Tony Stark puffed up and said, "I'm here because I was MURDERED. By an ungrateful son of a bitch. He plunged his shield into my CHEST and left me to FREEZE to DEATH in Siberia."

Toothless tilted his head and reviewed the events in question. He watched the one called "Cap" protect his companion from Tony Stark's assaults. He saw that Cap's strikes were upon the armor, never vulnerable flesh, and understood that Cap was attacking the flight and weapons powers of the suit, not the man within. And he saw how Tony Stark REALLY died.

The dragon said, "You died alone in your lab where you suffocated while testing something called a 'nano-suit'. You did not build in a fail-safe and so when the 'nanites' failed to disassemble you couldn't breathe. Why claim you were murdered?"

Tony Stark said, "Because if Cap had just signed the Accords like I told him to, someone would have been around to tell me not to do stupid stuff."

Toothless closed his eyes and thought of how Tony Stark had never truly understood or accepted his responsibilities throughout his decades of adulthood. Then Toothless imagined someone this reckless and uncaring of consequences being granted the power and long life of a dragon. Toothless shuddered.

He proclaimed to the Guardian of Dragons as well as to Tony Stark, "This one is NOT worthy."

As Tony Stark dissolved into the Great Beyond, the Guardian of Dragons said to Toothless, "There is a great evil coming to this world." And Toothless saw all of the possible devastation in an instant.

Toothless nodded and said, "Dragons must come forth once more to help defend our world."

Toothless considered the one called Cap--Steve Rogers--and knew all of the man's history in an instant. He saw the man's friends and how they worked together to protect the humans and the Earth. Toothless said, "I will contact Steve Rogers and his team. We will work together to defeat the great evil."

And that is when Toothless introduced himself to Team Cap.

***

Steve and the others were shocked at the existence of dragons, but soon everyone was working together. The combined forces took their stand in Wakanda, Thanos was defeated, and the universe was kept safe.

Eventually Toothless had the members of this team and their descendants to evaluate for reincarnation as dragons. And THEY were worthy.

Chapter Text

Here is another poor soul dragged from Harry Potter's world to serve as Tony Stark's prop (and sadly, sometimes another way-too-young-for-Tony lover).

It's been years since I read any of the books or saw the films, but as far as I can tell there is nothing in Hermione's history or character that would make her prop Tony. She accepts responsibility for her actions (and sometimes the actions of Ron and Harry), which Tony never does. Hermione is also an advocate of better conditions for workers, so she wouldn't tolerate Tony's exploitation and objectification of SI employees. She also works to abolish discriminatory laws, so she would definitely be against Accords that strip enhanced beings of their rights and deny them due process. So what would be her REAL opinion of Tony Stark?

Note: I don't remember any of the Harry Potter spells, so these are all made up.

***

Hermione was most definitely minding her own business. She was tucked into a corner of a bookstore/cafe in Queens, New York with a new book to dive into and a (surprisingly pleasant) cup of tea while she took a break from sightseeing. While she was aware of her surroundings, she was more interested in her book than any of the people scattered at the other tables.

A flashily-dressed middle-aged man with a strange beard swaggered over to her and sat in the chair across from her. He said, "Hey you're a lot hotter in person. And you're way too hard to track down."

Hermione knew who he was: Tony Stark. A Muggle who hoarded his inherited and blood-soaked wealth and used his talents to build weapons rather than solve problems. Even when he became Iron Man, he used that technology only for himself and his friends. She muttered a spell to ensure they were not overheard and then asked, "Who are you and why did you sit at a table to which you were not invited?"

She didn't ask how he found out about magic or how he knew Hermione was a wizard. She would find those things out for herself and then decide what to do about the answers.

Stark leaned back in his seat and said, "Oh right, you're British. I am Tony Stark, aka Iron Man, genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. I'm here in New York to pick up some help with a super-powered problem I'm having, and I think adding a little magic to my side is the way to win the day."

Hermione asked, "What problem is that?"

Stark replied, "You've heard about the Sokovia Accords, right? Well Captain America and some of his buddies are breaking them RIGHT THIS MINUTE, and I'm going to stop them. So what do you say?"

He waggled his brows and said, "Show me your wand now and I'll show you mine later."

Hermione's eyes narrowed. She knew about the Accords. She also had read them. Did Stark really think putting locators on enhanced people was right? Or stripping people of their rights to due process and legal representation was something she would support?

How many times had Ron, Harry, and she acted without authorization to save the world? Why would she ever support a document that would make heroes wait for approval from a U.N. panel or representative before acting? She shuddered to think of the disasters that could occur. She said, "No. Now leave."

Stark didn't leave. Instead he leaned in and said, "Listen Magic Michaela, I don't think you'd like the rest of the world to know about your school and all of the little wizards running around the world unregistered. It would be in your best interests to come with me to Germany."

Hermione let her hands slide under the table and pulled out her wand. With a few muttered words, she made Stark forget all he had learned about Hogwarts, wizards, and Hermione herself. As Stark blinked in confusion, she said, "No, I don't want to date you, you creepy old man. Leave my table immediately or I'll call the manager."

Stark stood up and said, "Your loss. You're not that hot anyway."

Hermione packed away her wand and book and followed Stark as he then made his way to a modest apartment building a few blocks away. She used a spell to listen and watch as Stark locked himself in a room with a boy named Peter and proceeded to insult, bribe, and then blackmail Peter into helping Stark.

As Peter webbed Stark's hand to the doorknob, Hermione transported herself into the room, pulled her wand, removed her forgetting spell, and said to Peter, "Don't give in to his blackmail."

The boy's eyes went wide as he said, "Is that a wand? Are you a magician?"

Stark sneered at Hermione and said, "You had your chance, now back off."

Hermione put herself between Peter and Stark and said, "I'm going to make you forget you ever knew about this young man and me, but I'm going to make you remember something subconsciously: If you EVER contact him again, reveal his existence to anyone, or speak to ANYONE about wizards or magic, this wand will make sure YOUR wand never functions again."

Of course she would never do such a thing. But Stark didn't need to know that.

Stark's eyes went wide as he said, "No, I mean, yes! I'll never talk about this or either of you or ANYTHING. Geez, I can't believe I considered banging you."

Hermione freed Stark with a wave of her wand. As Stark opened the door to leave, she performed the spell to forget with a key for it to allow him to get himself home without remembering why he had come or where he had been.

As the door closed, Peter turned to Hermione and said, "I'm not sure what just happened, but thanks."

Hermione smiled and nodded, then said, "Don't tell anyone about what happened or about magic, please. Like you, we prefer our privacy."

But she would have to keep an eye on Stark and contact Ron and Harry. Things were definitely changing.

***

In this universe, Team Iron Man didn't stand a chance at the airport. Without Peter to start the fight at Tony's command, everyone but Tony was able to realize that the world was in danger and the Accords would never work. Everyone but Tony shifted over to Team Cap and went to Siberia. Helmut Zemo was captured without incident and the base was destroyed. No one ever saw the video that Zemo had killed so many people to get.

Rhodey, Natasha, Vision, and T'Challa withdrew from the Accords. Everyone on this expanded Team Cap stood united and publicly retired rather than accept a document that would prevent the world from being saved and would discriminate against enhanced beings. The Accords were soon abolished.

Hermione kept an eye on Peter as he developed his own suits and technology. So when Peter got involved with the aliens in New York, she was able to join Team Cap there to stop Thanos's plans to get the Time Stone and the Mind Stone. Dr. Strange still having the Eye of Agamotto and Vision still being whole changed the Battle of Wakanda.

She also convinced the Ministry of Magic that wizards needed to help keep the universe safe. The wizards not only helped stop Thanos, they also created a spell that made all versions of Thanos in all the multiverses forget the existence of the Infinity Stones. None of the multiverses experienced the Snap.

At the victory celebration, Hermione found that Wakandan tea some of the best she'd ever tasted.

Chapter Text

Hyperbole seems to be the only thing prop-Tony folks can write. Tony's not mildly inconvenienced, he's completely victimized. He's not alone because people didn't agree to sign away their civil rights, he's "utterly betrayed." He's not just a billionaire and superhero, he's a king, a god, a dragon, and in this case, king of the emotions in Inside/Out. Poor Disgust is also roped into being his lover.

Considering everything we know about Tony Stark, how would the Inside/Out folks REALLY react to the idea that he was their king?

Note: I haven't seem the film, so the characters are probably out of character.

***

The five emotions looked at each other. Fear said, "I'm afraid I don't understand--this Tony Stark guy claims to be our king?"

Disgust nodded and replied, "It's disgusting--he thinks he can lord it over us just because he's Tony Stark!"

Sadness shook her head and said, "It's such a shame that no one has explained to him he is completely unworthy of being in charge of anyone. I'd like to make him understand all of the sadness he's caused the people of the world with his weapons and his money-hoarding and his mistreatment of his employees and his unleashing Ultron onto the internet and his mistreatment of the poor spider child and his silence at the conditions on the Raft and his support of the Accords and his violations of the Accords and his shooting unarmed people and--"

Anger yelled, "And I'm FURIOUS! Where does this guy get off claiming he shot those people because he was out of control with rage? He was stone cold every time he shot people, and he even cut off that one guy's arm and then shot him in the back! You just don't DO that!"

Joy nodded and said, "Stark was HAPPY about it, each time. He's happy that he got rid of his guilt by signing a document that strips people of their rights, but HE ignores the rules because he's Tony Stark. And he's smug about everything he gets away with because he's a billionaire who has the technology to hide his crimes."

Fear frowned and said, "So many people have been hurt by Tony Stark. He's caused so much Fear, Anger, Sadness, and Disgust, and so little Joy. How can he think he should be in charge of anything except sitting himself in a corner and not touching anything that could cause more harm?"

Disgust said, "That's the way of arrogant, self-centered people. They tell themselves that the world is against them and imagine that decisions that have nothing to do with them are the biggest 'crimes' and 'betrayals' against them. I think I'm actually going to throw up I'm so disgusted."

Anger growled, "I'm going to throttle him if he comes here claiming to be our king."

He smirked and continued, "I'll just claim I was 'upset'. That's apparently Stark's excuse for everything."

Joy looked at the others and said, "So we're agreed? If Stark tries to show up claiming to be anything but a cause of the WORST emotions in others, we'll let him know how we REALLY feel? I'll be happy with that."

The others nodded. Then Fear said, "I'm afraid Tony Stark will not enjoy this."

Disgust thought of how Stark disgusted so many people with his transphobic, homophobic, and misogynistic comments. She knew exact what she'd do to Stark if he dared pull any of that crap with any of THEM. She was looking forward to it.

Chapter Text

Here's another prop-Tony trope forcing characters from other fandoms to commit violent acts because Tony. The stories using this trope have Adora, Catra, and Glimmer rescuing Tony from Siberia (because Tony's still too dumb to use a phone) and attacking Team Cap. At least one of the stories makes poor Catra claw Steve in the face, which is completely unheroic behavior.

I don't watch the series, but the descriptions of the She-Ra characters make me doubt that any of them would prop reckless, selfish, misogynistic Tony. Glimmer may be hot tempered and Catra may have made poor choices, but all three of these women take responsibility for their actions and experience accountability, unlike Tony. So how would they really react to Tony?
Note: All three gals are probably out of character. Adora's Sword of Protection gave Catra visions, so I'm using that ability here.

***

Adora, Catra, and Glimmer trudged through the snow toward the bunker jutting out of the landscape. The open doors showed only blackness within.

Glimmer scowled and said, "I don't know why WE have to do this. We're busy enough in Etheria. Can't the people in this realm take care of their own problems?"

Adora and Catra looked at each other. Adora shrugged and said, "Apparently the First Ones believe that the events in this world may come to endanger ours. We've been asked to evaluate this situation and take the actions we deem appropriate."

Catra nodded and said, "I believe that the three of us are expected to come to a balanced judgement."

Adora gripped her sword tighter and stepped into the bunker. Somehow it seemed even colder indoors. She moved toward the tiny room in the middle of the larger entryway and said, "We are to enter this elevator and travel to the lowest level of this structure."

All three women tensed as the elevator stopped with a gentle thump and the doors parted. They stepped into a space lit by openings to the outside.

Adora frowned and said, "There are signs of a fierce struggle."

Glimmer pointed at dents on the floor and scorch marks and cuts along the walls and ceiling. She said, "A powerful weapon did this damage."

Suddenly a man's voice filled the space, saying, "Hello angels, my name is Charlie--just kidding."

The trio turned to see a man in gold and red armor sitting on the floor. Small discs of light at each joint glowed in the dim light. The man waved them over as he said, "Come on, I don't bite--unless you ask nicely."

His leer made all three women frown, but Adora stepped forward and asked, "Who are you and why are you here?"

The man stood up as he said, "Huh. At least you're not Russian. I won't get in trouble for trespassing, then."

He continued, "But I guess you don't get TV or internet or anything out here in the sticks. I'm Tony Stark, billionaire, genius, playboy, philanthropist. And of course, the superhero Iron Man."

Catra frowned and said, "That is only half an answer. Why are you here?"

She flexed her claws at the expression on the man's face as he said, "Well Hello Kitty! I've got the purr-fect job for you."

The Iron Man armor clanked as the man stepped closer and said, "I was here to help stop five psychos from taking over the world."

Glimmer gestured at the damage and asked, "So you vanquished these foes? Where are their remains?"

The man scowled and said, "What? No, they were already dead."

Adora frowned and said to her friends, "I don't understand why the First Ones sent us here. We are clearly not needed."

The Iron Man said, "Wait a second, Blondie, I thought you were riding to my rescue."

Glimmer asked, "Rescue you from what?"

The Iron Man waved his arms around and said, "Rescue me from being abandoned here, of course!"

Catra narrowed her eyes and asked, "You have no means of contacting your own people?"

The Iron Man looked away as he said, "Uh, well, sure. I've got a phone. But if I call for a ride, somebody might find out..."

Adora asked warily, "Find out what?"

The Iron Man shrugged and said, "Don't worry your pretty head about it, Blondie. What I REALLY need is for you gals to come with me to find Captain Crap and go Uma Thurman on his betraying ass."

He moved up next to Catra and said, "You could use his face as a scratching post."

Catra backed away from the man. Adora stepped between them and said, "I would know more of this betrayal."

She held the Sword of Protection toward the Iron Man and said, "If you wish our aid, touch this sword and share with us a vision of what occurred here."

The Iron Man reach out and laid a gauntled hand on the blade. The three women were suddenly standing in the middle of another room. The Iron Man was joined by a man in blue and a third man with an arm covered in armor. The men watched a screen showing a vision of the third man killing an older man in the road, then moving to the other side of a vehicle. There was clearly something odd about the third man--his face had a blank look as though no mind or soul lived behind his eyes.

The Iron Man suddenly shot the man in blue and attacked the third man.

The women watched as the fight continued, but soon saw a pattern: The man in blue used a round shield to strike parts of the Iron Man armor, clearly attempting to disable it. The man in blue also tried to stand between the Iron Man and the third man. The third man mostly tried to run away.

All three women flinched as the Iron Man shot beams that at the third man's face, then some kind of explosive as the man tried to climb out an opening in the ceiling. Clearly the scorch marks, slices, and holes were caused by the Iron Man's armor and its weapons. Glimmer gasped as the Iron Man sliced through the third man's armored arm, severing it from the man's body. Then while the man in blue was struggling to stand, the third man touched the boot of the Iron Man. Catra growled as the Iron Man shot the third man in the back, then kicked the third man in the head as he lay helpless on the floor.

Adora nodded as the man in blue used his shield to stop the Iron Man. They watched the man in blue help the third man to rise. They also heard the Iron Man taunt the man in blue, then watched the man in blue shrug and drop the shield as he helped the third man limp away.

As the images faded, Adora saw the shield laying on the floor. She looked at Glimmer and Catra. Adora raised her brows in question. The other two nodded their agreement. Catra stepped forward and picked up the shield as Adora turned to the Iron Man.

The Iron Man smirked and said, "So you can clearly see why Cap needs to get the beat down. When can we start?"

Adora said, "We are finished here, man of Iron. I suggest you contact your people if you wish to leave this place."

The Iron Man said, "You can't just abandon me! You said you were sent here."

Adora replied, "We were sent here to judge these events and prevent them from endangering our realm."

Catra said, "It is clear we are not here to rescue YOU. Your actions show you are not a hero, or someone we should help."

Glimmer nodded and said, "YOU seem to be the danger to this realm, so we will not be telling you anything about ours."

Catra lifted the shield and asked Adora, "Can you find the man in blue? I think he should have this back."

The Iron Man said, "Hey, you can't take that! It's mine!"

Adora nodded to Catra and ignored the Iron Man as she gestured the others toward the elevator.

As the trio rode the elevator back to the surface, Glimmer said, "It looks like we'll be in this realm a little bit longer."

***

Adora used the Sword of Protection to find the two from the Iron Man's vision. The man in blue was named Captain Steve Rogers. The third man was his friend, Bucky Barnes. She spoke with the Captain and the rest of his team.

All three women were sure these were the people they were sent to help.

They were right. When the time came, the Princesses of Power joined the Battle of Wakanda. Thanos never stood a chance.

Chapter Text

Apparently this prop-Tony writer didn't hear that Harley Quinn was emancipated and not interested in being a sleazy misogynist's arm candy. This story has Tony being a "child of chaos" that Howard raises. Howard adopts Harley and Poison Ivy to be Tony's companions. Then the poor gals are forced to be his lovers after Tony decides to "get revenge" after Siberia. So the trope of Tony needing to get revenge for trying to kill an innocent man is still going strong, apparently added with the idea that refusing to sign away your civil rights is "seeing Tony as an enemy." It sounds as though this Tony is more than a bit delusional. Personally, I don't think Harley or Poison Ivy would want anything to do with Tony, especially if he's coming on to them after they were raised as brother and sisters.

Note: I haven't seen anything with Harley Quinn or Poison Ivy, so they're probably out of character.

***

Tony was sprawled in a chair in his penthouse. He couldn't wait for his adopted sisters to arrive so they could get started on his plans for revenge.

Harleen Quinzel (Harley Quinn) walked into the room, her white pigtails swinging. She asked, "What's up, bro?"

Dr. Pamela Isley (Poison Ivy) lifted a bored green eyebrow and said, "This had better be good. I was in the middle of fertilizing."

Tony leaped up and said, "I need help!"

Harley nodded and said, "That's been obvious for decades, but I'm not allowed to treat family members. This is great! I can get you some names--there are some really good psychologists working with narcissistic personality disorder these days."

Tony looked at her and said, "What? No!"

Pamela asked, "Then why are we here? Why don't you get that little hero gang you hang around with to help you?"

Tony waved his arms dramatically and replied, "Because THEY are the problem! They refused to sign away their civil rights by signing the Accords on my say-so. So they OBVIOUSLY see me as their enemy. And I have to get revenge on Captain Crap."

Harley frowned and asked, "What did he do to you?"

Tony answered, "He refused to let me kill his best buddy, the Winter Soldier. I tried really hard--I cut off the guy's arm and even shot him in the back but he wouldn't die. The Winter Soldier killed Howard. And ALL of them ABANDONED ME. So you have to help me make sure they get what's coming to them. Oh, and I'll be banging the both of you in the later chapters, because me. Even though we grew up together and I am basically your brother."

Pamela crossed her arms and said, "That isn't quite correct, Tony. Do you really think I never stick my head out of the greenhouse? Those Accords are a threat to enhanced people like you and me. You're enhanced in this story, remember? So you're going to have to register, submit DNA, wear a tracker, and not do ANYTHING unless the U.N. says it's okay. Or you get thrown into an underwater prison with no lawyers, due process, or PLANTS. Just like what happened to Captain Rogers' team."

Harley hurried over and hugged Pamela at the mention of no plants. Then Harley said, "That's AWFUL. Tony, those Accords are BAD NEWS. And not agreeing with someone is not seeing them as an enemy. You're like, supposed to be a genius, bro. So use more than one brain cell."

Tony scowled and said, "What about Howard? You owe him."

Pamela nodded and said, "We appreciated him adopting us, certainly. So we WILL find out what happened and why. But you seem to be focusing on the wrong target. The Winter Soldier was a tool of Hydra. Bucky Barnes is a World War 2 hero and a POW for decades. So blaming Bucky Barnes is like blaming the pruning shears for destroying a rosebush. The shears didn't have any say in the matter."

Harley looked at Pamela and said, "Wow, that was profound. I'll help you find out what happened to Howard--one thing I learned about the revenge biz is that it can get really messy if you're not careful."

The two women nodded at each other and turned to leave.

Tony started after them and said, "Wait, so you're not going to help me destroy Captain Crap and his Crew?"

When they ignored him, he moved in front of them and asked with a leer, "What about the banging? We could still bang."

Both women stared at him in disgust. Then Harley said, "We would NEVER. Ew."

Pamela glared at Tony and said, "You'd better behave yourself. Or move to a desert with no plants. At all."

As the doors closed behind the women, Tony pouted and said, "So now THEY see me as an enemy too. EVERYONE hates me."

Chapter Text

So, apparently there's a 5/1 story that claims because Steve wrote things down in a notebook, he's not a good leader. This prop-Tony writer is, of course, ignoring that Steve has a perfect memory, as established in The First Avenger. From what I understand, Steve wrote down things people shared with him to show the person that he was taking them seriously. And even if that were not the case, this writer is ignoring how Tony has NEVER been a leader, and it's not just a matter of facts...

Here is a link to see what Steve actually wrote down in the different versions around the world.

***

Darcy Lewis smiled at the camera and said, "Hello, and welcome to another edition of When Will Prop-Tony Writers Understand Irony? I'm Darcy Lewis, here with Christine Everhart to look at the latest. Can you give the audience some context, Christine?"

Christine smiled and replied, "I'd be happy to, Darcy. In 'Captain America: The Winter Soldier', Sam Wilson--also known as the Falcon--recommends Marvin Gaye's 'Trouble Man' album to Steve as a window to the past. Steve takes out a notebook and writes 'Trouble Man' at the bottom of a list of things people have told him about. The list is different depending on what part of the world you're in when you see the film."

Darcy asked, "What kinds of things are on the list?"

Christine said, "The last few items are the same all over the world--Thai Food, Star Wars/Trek, Nirvana (Band), Rocky (Rocky II?), and Troubleman (Soundtrack). Other things are what's popular in different parts of the world, like Dance Dance Revolution in South Korea, Tim Tams in Australia, and Sean Connery in Britain."

Darcy thought a moment and asked, "So nothing that suggests Steve is out of touch with CURRENT events?"

Christine shook her head and said, "No, not really. A 2010 rescue of Chilean miners is on the list, but most items are music acts, actors, comedians, and pop-culture events. The moon landing and the Berlin Wall are mentioned, but they are decades old."

Darcy frowned and asked, "Then what in this fic suggests Steve isn't knowledgeable enough to be the leader of the Avengers?"

Christine answered, "Oh, that's because the fic lies and claims Steve would need to write down the United Nations. As if Steve didn't already know about them. Of course this writer didn't notice the irony that Steve understands the U.N. better than Tony. Because Steve knows that signing the Accords means giving up the right to choose to a group of people who have their own agendas. The same U.N. that did nothing during the Rwandan genocide, and does nothing about the genocides and other atrocities happening today."

Darcy shrugged and said, "Tony didn't know or care about the U.N. because he didn't know or care WHO would be responsible, as long as it wasn't him. He said it himself, 'whatever form it takes' and that he figured the Accords would 'split the difference' so he could keep Pepper and keep Iron Man. I mean, Tony's perfectly okay reporting to Thaddeus Ross."

Christine nodded and said, "AND outing Clint's secret family to Thaddeus Ross. But there's a larger issue here. Steve has shown he is a good leader without knowing the details of Thai food or the moon landing. But let's look at what was missing from TONY's education..."

Darcy clapped her hands and said, "Let me start! Tony apparently didn't know his bombs killed people. I mean, it didn't matter to him he was creating weapons of mass destruction that were being set off in countries around the world. And he either didn't know or care that the shrapnel from his weapons turned people into walking corpses. AND he didn't know that if you're a weapons manufacturer, you should keep track of where those WMDs are going. It took him 20 years and one of his weapons literally blowing up in his face for him to know or care what he'd been doing for decades as the Merchant of Death."

Christine nodded and said, "From personal experience I can guarantee that Tony doesn't know this next one: That trans people, homosexual people, and female people are PEOPLE and should be respected. Have you heard his transphobic and homophobic joke? His rape jokes? The sleazy things he says to and about May Parker? I can't believe I slept with this creep."

Darcy shuddered and said, "Hope you disinfected yourself afterwards. Number 3 on the Things Tony Needs to Learn list is Being Upset Doesn't Make It Okay to Attack People. I don't care if you are dying, you do NOT get drunk and then fire weapons into a crowd. Tony didn't care who got hurt during his drunken binge. And seeing an upsetting video DOES NOT make assault with a deadly weapon and attempted murder okay. Tony sliced off Bucky Barnes' arm, shot Bucky in the back, and kicked Bucky in the head when Bucky was down on the ground. Tony should be in jail for YEARS for those attacks, not to mention shooting Sam in the chest when Sam was coming to HELP Rhodey. Shooting weapons at unarmed people is NEVER okay."

Christine sighed and said, "We're going to jump back to Age of Ultron for Number 4: Don't Mess With Alien Tech You Know Nothing About. Think of all of the trouble that would have been avoided if Tony had just left the scepter alone. Tony didn't know ANYTHING about this alien tech--"

"Other than it was EVIL," Darcy interrupted.

Christine nodded and continued, "And yet Tony still thought it was a good idea to upload his untested Ultron program to the internet using this evil alien technology. And Tony STILL hasn't learned to be careful. EDITH has no safeguards whatsoever. Peter could have killed his whole class by accident because Tony Stark's tech is as reckless and dangerous to others as Tony Stark himself."

Darcy said, "And speaking of Peter, Tony also apparently didn't know that turning Peter into a child soldier was BAD. And Tony didn't know it was bad to BLACKMAIL Peter into coming to Germany. That poor kid had no clue what was going on, he just didn't want his Aunt May to find out about Spider-Man. So Tony exploited the kid, then dumped him for MONTHS afterward. Talk about a bad role model. It's a good thing Tony Stark is dead. Maybe Peter can become his own person instead of Iron Man Jr. and find a REAL mentor. Or Aunt May and Uncle Ben can be shown as Peter's ACTUAL parental figures."

Christine said, "We can only hope. And because the original trope was a 5 plus 1, here's something EVERYONE knows: Steve is a good leader. The Commandos and other POWs saw Steve as a leader the moment he came to rescue them. The cops AND the Avengers took orders from Steve when he was just two weeks out of the ice. STEVE is at the head of the heroes and warriors taking on Thanos, and in Infinity War ALL of the other Avengers joined Team Cap. People follow Steve because they want to and because they trust Steve's leadership. And THAT'S a fact."

Darcy nodded and said, "No wonder prop-Tony stories are based on head canon and lies. MCU Tony just doesn't measure up."

Chapter Text

Here's another prop-Tony person who doesn't recognize irony. This one wants Wanda to be on the side of the man who:
1. Signed the Accords that strip enhanced people of their basic rights and due process.
2. Interned her with Vision as her guard "to prevent another incident" (NOT for Wanda's protection) without the courtesy of talking to Wanda first.
3. Saw her traumatized in a straight jacket and shock collar and did NOTHING to help her or protest her treatment.

They also claim that Steve is "constantly making excuses for Wanda/enabling her" and that TONY is the victim in the Maximoff situation. Plus the comments on the request are suggesting Wanda "face consequences" while of course, Tony Stark faces NONE for all of the crimes he's committed.

I wonder how Wanda would feel about all this, especially if she knew about how Tony behaved in Siberia?

Note: Set before Infinity War, after Vision leaves the Avengers to meet up with Wanda. Here they are in Canada before going to Scotland.

***

Tony Stark frowned as he walked down a quiet street in Ottawa. He was desperate for new Avengers. No one in the US would take his calls. He'd even come to Canada to try and get some of their heroes. Every member of the Alpha Flight team had turned him down flat, most of the time calling him fascist, hypocrite, anti-enhanced, and misogynist.

People were SO RUDE. How did Canadians get a reputation for being polite?

Tony caught a glimpse of long red hair and stared in shock. Coming around the corner was the Scarlet Bitch. He was calling her that now because she didn't stay captive in the compound like he wanted.

But he could make nice...until he got her on his team and signing the Accords. He didn't even pause for a second to feel guilty about the LAST time he'd seen her: Looking like a zombie on the Raft, tied up in a straight jacket with a shock collar around her neck.

Instead he grinned and walked up to her. He said, "Yo Red, let's talk."

SB didn't look surprised to see him. She lifted one eyebrow, then nodded and walked over to a nearby bench to sit down.

When Tony sat down, he said, "Look, Captain Crap is constantly making excuses for you and enabling you."

SB tilted her head to the side and asked, "What makes you say that?"

Tony shrugged and said, "I read it online somewhere, so it must be true! You need to realize it and switch sides to me and 'face the consequences of your actions'."

He leaned forward and continued, "Plus you have to realize that I'M the victim of Stark bombs destroying your home, killing your parents, and traumatizing you. Not you--you're not the victim, I am. Even though I made those bombs to destroy buildings and kill people and sold them to lots of governments who probably used them during the wars fought in your country. And even though my company sold them to terrorists too because I didn't care for 17 years where my bombs went until one of them blew up in my face. But I'M the victim, I swear."

For a moment SB just looked at Tony like he was something slimy, then she said, "Let's review. One, Steve has NEVER 'made excuses for me' or 'enabled me'. He EMPOWERED me. Steve gave Pietro and me a chance to realize we were wrong and make amends by saving a train of passengers and, by the way, the world. He helped me understand that if I get so paralyzed by the fact that I may not be able to save everyone every time, I won't try to save anyone at all. And STEVE didn't leave me in an underwater prison in a straight jacket and shock collar."

SB's eyes started to glow a little bit red as she continued, "Two, YOU signed the Accords that allowed me to be held on the Raft in those conditions without due process or legal representation. YOU left without even a comment about my condition or treatment. YOU then violated those Accords to go to Siberia without permission. You want me to 'face the consequences of my actions'? I already HAVE. My brother DIED because you went behind people's backs to use the scepter to upload Ultron. Pietro died cleaning up YOUR mess. And I am a fugitive because I will NEVER support the Accords that strip me of my rights and put me in an underwater gulag. When have YOU faced consequences for Ultron or for violating the Accords that YOU signed?"

Her voice shook a little and said, "Three, that you have the gall to claim you were a VICTIM of Sokovia...tell me, if YOU were the victim because you only made the bomb, how can you justify attacking James Barnes in Siberia? HE was like the bomb when he killed your parents, unable to choose his actions. Yet you cut off his arm and shot him in the back."

Tony leaned back in shock. He asked, "Who's the snitch? Captain Crap or his robot buddy?"

A cool hand gripped the back of Tony's neck as Vision quietly said, "YOU are the snitch. Did you think you could hide your actions on the internet while I exist? We were just discussing releasing the footage of ALL your crimes to the media, including your stalking and threatening a minor child to do your bidding. While hiding his identity of course."

Tony couldn't move his head to look at Vision. Tony said, "You can't. I'll be ruined. I would--"

SB said with a smile, "You'd have to face the consequences of your actions."

Vision removed his hand and said, "It's done." He was gone by the time Tony turned to look.

SB stood up and said, "Steve doesn't make excuses for people, he empathizes with them. He'd probably even give YOU the benefit of the doubt if anything was in question. But not this time, because what Vision released are FACTS about what you did and what a hypocrite you are. And now everyone knows them."

Tony's regular phone started pinging with notifications from his feeds and Friday, but Tony sat staring at the flip phone Cap had sent him and wondering how he could have ever thought the Scarlet Witch would be Team Iron Man.

Chapter Text

From what I've been told, prop-Tony folks make Lucifer and Tony buddies because they are both rich and like to flirt. Some stories have Tony as Lucifer's son, while other punish Lucifer by making him arm candy for this middle-aged sleaze.

It looks like Lucifer would disdain Tony rather than prop him. Tony is in canon misogynistic, transphobic, and homophobic, while Lucifer is canon pansexual and generally respectful toward women. Lucifer also is apparently honest to an obnoxious degree and very invested in free will, while Tony lies to serve himself and wants to strip people of their rights. Most importantly, Tony "gets upset" and lashes out at people around him while ignoring his own responsibility for his actions, while Lucifer usually controls his temper and is amused rather than angry when he doesn't get his way.

Note: Set after Civil War. I've never seen the show so Lucifer is probably out of character.

***

Lucifer Morningstar materialized in Tony Stark's penthouse. Lucifer looked over at the older man and ordered, "Stop tweeting at me."

Tony Stark leaned back on his couch and said, "It worked, didn't it? A full-scale media blitz got me exactly what I wanted. I get to be one-on-one with Demon Numero Uno."

Tony looked Lucifer over and leered. Then he said, "Come on, Lucy, you have to realize how sympatico we are. We have so much in common. We're both super-rich and flirt with anything that moves. And...uh... ANYWAY, everything's set up for us to be best buds...or you can be my dad or something...or we could bang."

Tony waggled his eyebrows as he said, "I'm always up to tap some forked tail."

Lucifer sank into a chair and wondered if he was about to vomit for the first time in his immortal life. He held it down and said, "Sympatico? With YOU? For the record, I am the OPPOSITE of a middle-aged, washed-up, transphobic, homophobic, hypocritical misogynist. I've never tried to strip people of their human rights, and I have NEVER blackmailed a child, exposed an innocent family to a known villain, left a young woman in a shock collar, or shot an injured man in the back."

The demon glared at Tony Stark and growled, "NEVER try to contact me again or I will reach down your throat and pull your entrails out through your lying mouth."

Tony paled, swallowed, and then nodded.

Satisfied that this worm would no longer be his problem, Lucifer leaned back and said, "So now that we've established how disgusting you are...tell me, what is your deepest desire?"

Tony couldn't stop the words from pouring out as he answered, "I want to be better than Steve Fucking Rogers. The guy came up from nothing and became a hero, did the right thing again and again. He's a natural leader and people trust him and admire him. Cap does the right thing because it's the right thing, not because he cuts a deal to get a medal and a big ceremony or because somebody throws his crimes in his face. I want to be able to look down on Cap and KNOW I'm the better man."

Lucifer rolled his eyes and said, "Better than Steve Rogers? You won't even come close. You'll look at your life in your last moments and realize what tortures and punishment are waiting for you in the underworld. Sacrificing your life won't even BEGIN to make up for all the harm you caused or the decades of blood on your hands."

The demon stood and continued, "But you know that already, don't you? Knowing how much better Steve Rogers is than you tortures you every moment of every day."

Before Lucifer disappeared, he smiled and said, "You've made your own Hell on Earth. And it's exactly what you deserve."

Chapter Text

This gem has multiple tropes piled on each other. 1 - Steve Rogers would turn over a mutant to Shield. (Ignoring that Steve is the one who empathized with the twins in Age of Ultron.) 2 - Tony would protect the mutant from Shield. (Ignoring that Tony EXPLOITS enhanced children, not protect them. And Tony signed and supports the Sokovia Accords, which allow for the forcible tracking and illegal imprisonment of enhanced beings.) 3 - No one listens to Tony. (Ignoring that the others listen and respond to Tony, while Tony cuts off discussions that he knows he'll lose.) and 4 - Tony is friends with the X-Men. (Ignoring that neither Charles Xavier, Wolverine, nor any of the others would let Tony Stark near mutant children.)

If the Avengers encountered a mutant, how would it REALLY play out?

Note: Set before Age of Ultron, in a universe where Nick Fury rebuilt Shield rather than disappear.

***

Natasha frowned as she looked at the young Asian girl huddled in a corner of the quinjet. The girl was painfully thin, shoeless and wearing a gray shirt and pants. Her hair was in a buzzcut. Natasha said, "So you don't know who your family is, where you're from, how you got into the bunker, or why Hydra was holding you. And your name is P-34?"

The girl nodded and replied, "That is what they always called me."

Clint shuddered and said, "I wonder what happened to A-1 through P-33."

Tony looked at a screen and said, "I can't tell from a scan what R2D2 here is supposed to be able to do, but the kid is definitely enhanced. We'll need to run some tests."

Steve looked over and asked, "What kind of tests? To help find her family or where she's from?"

Tony rolled his eyes and answered, "Tests to find out what we're dealing with. We could be sitting next to a ticking time bomb. That WAS a Hydra lab we just blew up."

He leaned back and folded his arms. Then he said, "We should find out if this kid is packing some superpower we could use. Maybe Old St. Nick and Shield 2.0 don't deserve an early Christmas present."

Bruce frowned and asked, "What are you saying?"

Tony shrugged and said, "She's a MUTANT. We can always use some extra firepower in a fight. Otherwise, well...she's a mutant. And that is not something we're equipped to deal with."

Steve frowned, but Natasha spoke first, saying, "She's not some THING. She's a child. And she's not going anywhere with YOU."

Steve looked over at Natasha and said, "You have an idea?"

Natasha nodded and said, "Maybe."

Then she glared at Tony and said to Steve, "I'll tell you later."

***

Steve and Natasha each held on to one of P-34's hands as the trio walked from their car to a large mansion. Between Bruce, Clint, Pepper, and Jarvis, Tony would never know where P-34 ended up. Or with whom.

The young girl looked from one adult to the other, then asked, "I am to stay here?"

Steve smiled down at the girl and replied, "You'll be safe. There will be people who can protect you, and other kids to play with."

P-34's dark eyes opened wide. Then she asked, "Like me?"

Steve looked at Natasha and then replied, "Yep, that's what I've been told."

Natasha gave a small smile and nod and said to P-34, "We're going to check it out first. But I think you'll like it here. Children deserve a good home, and people who want them to be children, not weapons."

As they started up the steps, the doors opened and several people came out. A bald man in a wheelchair, a black woman with snow-white hair, and a tall man with bristly black sideburns.

Steve stopped and stared, then said, "Corporal...Howlett?"

The man with the sideburns nodded and said, "Hey Cap. Been a long time."

The woman said, "Perhaps you old soldiers can catch up later. Right now, we have some important introductions."

Then she smiled at P-34 and said, "Hello. My name is Storm. This is Logan, and Professor Xavier. Welcome to the School for Gifted Youngsters."

Natasha stepped forward and said, "Professor, good to see you again."

Professor Xavier moved forward and said, "It is good to see you as well. I'm glad you felt you could trust us with this young lady. I promise she'll be safe, whether her powers ever develop or not."

He smiled and continued, "As you said, the most important thing for children to be, is children."

As the group moved into the mansion, Natasha was glad at least one little girl could be saved.

Chapter Text

Stories like this make me wonder if it's even possible for a prop-Tony writer to tell the truth. They certainly don't recognize truth, canon, or irony. The lies in the original story for this trope include Steve "proclaiming himself a hero." (The writer can't even get the quote right, saying Steve used "little guy from Brooklyn" as some kind of badge of honor. But apparently "I am Iron Man," "I privatized world peace," "Billionaire, genius, playboy, philanthropist" aren't problematic AT ALL.) Peter also doesn't get to realize that Tony Stark should have NEVER brought Peter to Germany, because Peter is a CHILD and Tony LIED to Aunt May. Nor does Peter actually get to realize the reason the Avengers were split--some of them had a problem signing a document that took away their right to choose and stripped enhanced (like Peter) of their rights. Then they have Peter think that Team Cap started the fight, were the only ones using live explosives in Liepzig and that they caused more damage at the airport. (Apparently Peter didn't notice the explosives being fired by Iron Man and War Machine at people NOT wearing armor, or Vision taking out a control tower and firing on his own teammate with a beam powerful enough to have killed Sam if it hit him.) Also, Steve is apparently horrible for accurately assessing Peter's strength and speed before blocking Peter with the transit bridge, but it's just fine for Tony to bring this untrained kid to a battle with superheroes. THEN the story claims Tony Stark does the clean up out of the goodness of his heart (apparently not noticing how claiming those lucrative contracts put other people out of business), gives press conferences to reassure people, and takes the blame. (HA! If Tony did that, he'd have been in jail since Iron Man 1.) Then the story claims that Tony was a mentor to Peter (instead of ghosting him for months and pushing him off on Happy), and finishes up with Tony being in a hospital after Siberia, instead of, you know, perfectly fine walking around the compound getting called "Tony Stank." It truly boggles the mind.

What would Peter REALLY learn about his heroes if he took the time to find out the truth?

Note: This is set right before Homecoming, in an AU where worldwide backlash abolishes the Accords. Remember, the CCTV video in Civil War only showed Howard's side of the car. The color footage in that scene is Bucky's memory of it.

***

Peter stared at his phone, shocked to hear from Mr. Stark after months of silence. When Mr. Stark brought Peter to Germany and gave him a suit, Peter thought he'd found someone to show him the ropes of being a superhero. But Mr. Stark had dumped Peter back in New York without even a thank you and ignored Peter ever since.

Until now, when Mr. Stark left a voicemail warning Peter to stay away from "those rogues," who were back in New York. The U.N. had been forced to abolish the Sokovia Accords by the citizens of the 117 countries who'd signed them. The protests had started almost immediately about the human rights violations, and gotten stronger after people learned about the Raft and the denial of legal representation for James Buchanan Barnes in Germany. THEN reports on the five Winter Soldiers and the threat "Team Cap" had tried to stop caused both the German and Russian governments to withdraw from the Accords, saying they now realized just how dangerous delays in saving the world could be. (Nigeria smugly told the world they never signed the Accords in the first place because THEY knew the heroes were not the problem, the villains were.)

Peter knew now how lucky he was the Accords were abolished. He couldn't believe how dumb he'd been, to fight Captain America and the others based on nothing but Mr. Stark's claims (and the threat to tell Aunt May about Spider-Man). Even worse, Peter had fought FOR the Sokovia Accords. A document that would have let him be thrown in prison without lawyers or courts or ANYTHING if he'd been caught in Germany. Peter wasn't registered and didn't have permission or even a PASSPORT, which Peter had TRIED to tell Mr. Stark in the first place. It had been illegal for Peter to be there AT ALL. And Mr. Stark had broken the Accords to bring Peter there. Peter still couldn't believe how much damage HIS team had done, with Vision destroying an entire control tower and firing that laser at the Falcon. Peter shuddered as he remembered if the beam did THAT much damage to War Machine, the Falcon would never have survived being hit.

Wakanda also withdrew from the Accords. Peter watched the news conference that had King T'Challa suggesting that everyone work TOGETHER to figure out a system of oversight--not control--that respected the rights of all people and acknowledged that heroes should have the right to make the decision when and if to use their powers.

Peter texted Mr. Stark with some questions about the Accords--and why Mr. Stark had signed them and then broken them to bring Peter to Germany--but he never heard back. He wasn't exactly surprised.

***

Peter was taking a break on his patrol, hanging out on some monkey bars at a park, when he heard someone walking toward him.

He turned and was surprised to see Captain America approaching. But he didn't LOOK like Captain America. There was no red-white-and-blue, and no helmet or shield. Just a guy in a leather jacket, T-shirt, jeans, and boots. This was Steve Rogers.

Mr. Rogers smiled and waved and said, "Hey Queens, got a minute?"

Peter nodded. He was SO glad he was wearing his mask. Steve Rogers was coming to talk to him. STEVE ROGERS.

Peter had grown up with the history lesson, same as everybody. And he'd seen the footage of Steve Rogers fighting the Chitauri, and heard about his speech during the takedown of Hydra. Peter still stood or sat a little straighter when he thought of Mr. Rogers saying, "The price of freedom is high, it always has been, and it's a price I'm willing to pay. And if I'm the only one, then so be it. But I'm willing to bet I'm not." It just hit Peter right in the feels. SO MANY FEELS.

Mr. Rogers climbed the bars until he was sitting next to Peter. Mr. Rogers said, "I'm glad I caught up with you. I'm checking in with all the enhanced in the area since the Accords have been tossed out. So how's it going?"

Peter shrugged and said, "Uh, okay I guess. I was kind of relieved the Accords were gone when I heard about the Raft. I'm just doing my thing..."

Mr. Rogers said, "Do you need anything? From what I've seen since we've come back, you seem sort of...on your own."

Peter replied, "I, uh, I have Iron Man, I guess. I mean, Mr. Stark said he'd be in touch, but he, um, hasn't."

He shrugged and continued, "Except to tell me to stay away from you guys."

Mr. Rogers frowned and said, "That's...I'm sorry to hear that. If you think you should stay away, then we won't bother you. But I'd like to give you some numbers to call, in case something happens. Or if you just need to talk to someone who knows a little of what you're going through."

Peter's eyes widened and he said, "Really? I could call you? You'd do that?"

Mr. Rogers nodded and replied, "Of course. There is one thing though."

Peter braced himself to hear what "favor" Captain America was going to want. It couldn't be as bad as Iron Man bringing Peter to Germany illegally. At least Peter hoped not.

Mr. Rogers said, "I'm not going to ask who you are, it's up to you whether you want anyone to know. But...you seem a little young, Queens. Can you tell me how old you are, really?"

Peter bit his lip under his mask. Then figured it hadn't mattered to Mr. Stark and said, "I'm--uh, well I just turned 15."

Mr. Rogers looked shocked as he said, "Tony brought a CHILD to that fight?"

Peter stiffened and said, "I'm not a child!"

Mr. Rogers shook his head and said, "You're not old enough to vote, drink, or drive--and Tony thought you were old enough to fight superheroes?"

Peter said, "Mr. Stark said he needed my help! He said..." Peter shut up. He didn't want to mention how stupid he'd been.

Mr. Rogers sighed and said, "It doesn't really matter what he said. It wasn't right, bringing someone that young into a fight with people that powerful. What did your parents say?"

Peter looked down and said, "Don't have any. But Aun--my guardian didn't know. Doesn't know anything."

Mr. Rogers leaned forward and said, "Look, I'm not going to tell you what to do or how to live your life. But you really should think about the choices you're making here. And who you're trusting with your secrets."

Mr. Rogers handed a piece of paper to Peter and said, "Here are some numbers to call. I'd really like you to keep in touch. Let me know how you're doing. Well, us, actually."

Mr. Rogers shrugged and continued, "The Black Widow is concerned about her fellow spider. If you don't call us, she WILL find you."

As Mr. Rogers said good-bye and swung down from the monkey bars, Peter thought that sometimes, it was REALLY GREAT to meet your heroes.

***

Peter did call. And got to talk to, like, EVERYONE he'd fought at the airport. Except James Buchanan Barnes, who wasn't in New York. Or anywhere anyone knew about, at least according to the tabloids.

Peter did meet the Black Widow. She and the Falcon took care of some guys stealing alien weapons from a warehouse. They let Peter be back-up, webbing anyone escaping out of the main doors. Then the three of them had pizza together afterward and it was SO COOL. Peter spent a lot of time talking to Mr. Rogers (who Peter still called Mr. Rogers even after Mr. Rogers told Peter to call him Steve) and Wanda. They talked with him about being an orphan and being turned into something different and figuring out the right thing to do. And learning how and who to trust.

That led to a conversation with Aunt May. It had less yelling and A LOT more hugging than Peter expected.

So Peter thought things were going pretty well. He was chilling on a building roof waiting for crime to happen when Iron Man suddenly landed next to him.

Mr. Stark said, "It's funny, I checked and your phone works just fine. And my message a few weeks ago is marked as listened to, so I KNOW you got it. And I played it again, so I KNOW I told you to stay away from them."

Peter stood up and said, "Mr. Stark, Hi. Yeah, I, um, Mr. Rogers came to see me and gave me some numbers and I figured, well, I had some questions, and, well, they're THEM and--"

Mr. Stark said, "You think Rogers is so great? Well just watch THIS."

Peter stared at the projection. If it wasn't so horrible Peter would have thought it was SO COOL, just like the talking holograms in the Empire Strikes Back. He saw a TV with a really crappy video of James Buchanan Barnes killing some old guy. Then moving to the passenger side of a car and staring into space while he did SOMETHING. Probably something bad. Then coming back and shooting the camera. He watched Mr. Stark ask Mr. Rogers some questions, then watched Mr. Stark attack Mr. Rogers then James Buchanan Barnes.

The fight was HORRIBLE. Peter flinched each time Mr. Stark got pushed back and STILL kept attacking. Like, Mr. Stark fired lasers and missiles at Barnes' FACE. And then shot a missile while Barnes was RUNNING AWAY.

Peter wrapped his arms around himself when Mr. Stark CUT OFF Barnes' arm. Then Mr. Stark shot Barnes in the BACK and THEN Mr. Stark kicked Barnes in the HEAD while Barnes was just laying there on the floor.

When Barnes didn't move, Peter thought Mr. Stark had KILLED HIM. He watched Mr. Rogers punch the Iron Man helmet again and again until Mr. Rogers pulled off the faceplate. The angle from the camera changed, but Peter could still see Mr. Rogers lift the Captain America shield and bring it down on the arc reactor. Peter was a little guilty that he felt RELIEVED that Iron Man was finally STOPPED.

For a second Peter was worried, but then he watched Mr. Stark move around just fine. Peter frowned as he watched Mr. Rogers pull Mr. Barnes up from the floor and help him walk. Then Mr. Stark made a crack about Mr. Rogers' shield. Peter nodded to himself when he saw Mr. Rogers drop it and leave with just his friend.

Mr. Stark pointed his metal finger in Peter's face and said, "See? Rogers' buddy KILLED MY MOM. And Rogers just let him WALK AWAY. Some hero."

Peter frowned and thought about it, then said, "I'm really sorry about your mom. And your dad, too, if that was him in the video. But..."

Peter remembered what happened to Uncle Ben. And how guilty Peter felt, and HOW MUCH he wanted to KILL the guy who took Uncle Ben away from Aunt May and Peter. And Peter remembered what stopped Peter from doing EXACTLY what Mr. Stark did in the video--attack somebody who wasn't a danger to him.

Uncle Ben had said, "With great power comes great responsibility." Peter believed that, and tried to live it. Mr. Stark had a LOT of power, as Iron Man and just as himself. But as Peter thought about it, he realized Mr. Stark didn't seem to believe in taking responsibility.

Peter knocked on the Iron Man chestplate and asked, "Are you in there? I kind of want to do this face-to-face."

After a moment, Mr. Stark said, "I don't exactly have a lot of holes in my schedule."

Peter nodded. Then he straightened his shoulders and said, "What you showed me? It's pretty awful, that video you saw. But that DOESN'T give you the right to kill somebody. You cut off somebody's arm! You shot somebody in the back! That's what the BAD GUYS do."

Peter turned away and said, "I'm NOT going to stop talking to Mr. Rogers and the others. Good-bye, Mr. Stark."

Mr. Stark said, "That's my suit you're wearing! If you're with THEM, you can go back to fighting crime wearing your onesie."

Peter took a deep breath. Then he said, "I'll return the suit as soon as I get home."

He looked back at the Iron Man suit and said, "I don't want to be your kind of hero, Mr. Stark. I wish I'd never met you."

***

Peter went home, changed into his old outfit, packed up Mr. Stark's suit, and snuck it into a storeroom at Stark Tower. He texted Mr. Stark the location, said good-bye, and deleted Mr. Stark's old message and his number.

Peter waited until he was back in his room and calmed down enough not to cry before he called Mr. Rogers' number.

When Mr. Rogers answered, Peter said, "Mr. Stark showed me some really horrible fight you had with him and it really shook me up and I gave Mr. Stark back the suit and I think I just lost one of my heroes and I really don't know how to feel about that or what to do and I--I--Can I talk to you?"

Mr. Rogers said, "Are you okay on the phone or do you want to meet?"

Peter swallowed and said, "I--I think I'm better on the phone. If that--if you're not busy."

Mr. Rogers replied, "Queens, it sounds like you're the most important thing on my schedule tonight."

Peter smiled, a little, and said, "You can call me Peter."

Mr. Rogers said, "Okay, Peter. First, do me a favor and take a couple of deep breaths. I'll tell you whatever you want to know. It'll be okay, whatever you decide to do. And don't worry about your suit, I know someone who'll be thrilled to design a suit for someone new."

Peter took a couple of deep breaths and started to relax. Everything WOULD be okay. He still had a lot of heroes to look up to.

Chapter Text

The story with this trope is a classic case of transference. According to this, Tony has changed from being an obnoxious "alpha's alpha" to someone very progressive and respectful, while the serum turned Steve into an "ancient alpha snowflake" full of old-fashioned ideas on ways omegas should be treated. Steve grew up in a very progressive neighborhood in Brooklyn, was ALWAYS respectful toward women in every appearance in the MCU, and when Sharon turned down Steve's offer of a coffee in Winter Soldier, Steve immediately backed off with no hard feelings. In contrast, Tony AFTER Iron Man 1 tried to force himself on Pepper, made lewd remarks about Christine Everhart, Natasha, and May Parker, and made unkind remarks to CHILDREN. Which of these two men is REALLY more likely to be an obnoxious alpha?

***

Bill, an omega reporter from "The Alpha and the Omega Journal" smoothed down his blazer as the elevator climbed to the conference room in the still-under-repair Stark Tower.

Pepper saw the gesture and smiled. She asked, "Nervous?"

Bill shook his head, then nodded. He said, "Yeah, a little. Partly because this is the biggest interview of my career. But also--well, omega in a room full of alphas, you know? No offense."

Pepper's alpha scent was a little peppery, but not overwhelming even in the small space. Bill wasn't sure what the room full of alpha Avengers would be like. Hopefully his own icing-type smell wouldn't get too strong with his nerves.

Pepper nodded and said, "I understand. Everyone's supposed to stay seated. You can sit as near or as far away as you like."

When the elevator opened, they walked down a short hall to a pair of double doors.

Inside, the Avengers were seated at a long conference table. On one side, Clint Barton (Hawkeye) sat on the BACK of the chair, as if he was on a perch. Natasha Romanov (Black Widow) sat beside him, carefully watching Bill and Pepper cross the room. At the head of the table sat Tony Stark (Iron Man), twirling around as he talked about something. Next to him, Bruce Banner (Hulk) sat quietly - to Bill he almost looked asleep. Thor (Thor) was next, still looking regal in a deep red blazer. And next to Thor, Steve Rogers (Captain America) sat in a checked button-down shirt that strained a little across his chest and arms.

Bill's nostrils flared as he smelled them: something woodsy for Hawkeye, NOTHING for the Black Widow, gunpowder for Iron Man, coriander for Dr. Banner (maybe for Hulk too?), ozone for Thor, and apple for Captain America. He cleared his throat and said, "Thank you for agreeing to the interview."

He took a deep breath and sat down a few seats away from the Avengers as Pepper moved to a desk in the corner. He started his recorder and said, "Let's start with some questions from our readers. You are a group of powerful alphas who have taken center stage after saving the Earth from the Chitauri Invasion. New York - and the rest of the country - would like to hear your opinions on the current state of alpha-omega relations and legislation."

Dr. Banner frowned and said, "I can't answer that. I've been overseas for years."

Thor nodded and said, "I have not experienced enough of your fine city or country to yet form an opinion on this matter. Perhaps I could tell you about Asgardian practices?"

Romanov tilted her head and asked, "Do you really think our opinions will have any effect on the current political landscape?"

Barton shrugged and said, "Things are how they are. I thought we'd be talking about the space whales - we've got alien corpses all over the streets!"

Stark stood up and walked over to Bill. Bill straightened up as the alpha came right up to him.

Stark leaned in, took a big sniff, and said, "If that's what you're interested in, I should do an EXCLUSIVE. Just you and me."

He continued, "I can tell you all about how I went from being an 'alpha's alpha' to the deeply progressive model of modern alphaness I am today."

Before Bill could reply, Pepper looked up from her desk and said, "Tony, you do realize that if you lie it will be on record."

Tony turned around and asked, "What do you mean? You have to admit I am MUCH MUCH better to omegas since I got back from the desert. I'm a changed alpha!"

He waved his arms and proclaimed, "I got rid of the stripper poles on my private jet!"

Pepper rolled her eyes, then pointed out, "You still only hire omegas to be the air stewards, and make them wear those ridiculous short skirts and high heels."

Pepper frowned and continued, "I ended up increasing the budget so staff could keep uniform trousers and flats in their lockers to wear when I'm taking the jet."

She walked over and pulled Stark away from Bill as she said, "And your comments to Christine Everhart and about Natasha were AFTER your trip to the desert."

Pepper shoved Stark back into his seat and said, "And don't try to use Stark Industries as an example of your 'modern alphaness'. I'M the one who changed SI to a designation-neutral employment policy."

Stark crossed his arms and sulked in his seat, his scent billowing into the room.

Bill grew increasingly uncomfortable under the annoyed alpha's gunpowder stench, until Rogers straightened up and glared at Tony. Suddenly the scent of apples filled the room, soon joined by ozone, coriander, pepper, and forest. With even a little hint of cinnamon (Black Widow?).

Rogers looked over and said to Bill, "Do you want us to go outside? I don't think the windows open in here."

Bill relaxed as the new scents seemed to form a shield around him. He shook his head and said, "No thanks, but I would like to hear YOUR opinion on the alphas and omegas of today."

Rogers nodded and said, "Where I grew up, designations didn't really matter. Back then, a lot of things didn't - we were all just trying to survive. We had Jews and Irish and all sorts in the tenements. Nobody cared if two guys or two gals in an apartment had only one bed. And the only folks who cared whether you were alpha or omega were the assholes who wanted you to KNOW they were the big alpha in the room."

Rogers shrugged and continued, "Honestly, I'm a little disappointed. I mean, omega rights have come far, but there seems to be a lot of folks who still think omegas should be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. But that's true about everything I've learned so far. It seems there's a backlash to every civil rights movement. I wake up after 70 years and find out that some AMERICANS think Nazis had the right idea. It makes me wonder if people think we fought for freedom, but only for certain KINDS of people."

Rogers looked down and said quietly, "It makes me wonder what all of the alphas and omegas who died in the war would think about all this."

Bill swallowed the lump in his throat and said, "Thank you, Captain."

Rogers looked up with a small smile and said, "Please call me Steve."

Bill smiled back and said, "Thank you, Steve."

As the interview continued, Bill realized that being from another century didn't mean a person had old-fashioned ideas.

So maybe Bill would ask STEVE out for coffee.

Chapter Text

This one apparently uses Hydra!Cap to pretend Steve would bind Loki to him and abuse him, while Tony would rescue Loki out of the goodness of his heart. It's ironic. TONY actually tried to force Pepper to kiss him, used women like tissues, and made lewd remarks about almost every woman he met, but to this writer's mind, Steve is the potential rapist. As far as I'm aware, Hydra!Cap still had a moral code, it was simply skewed to Hydra's ambitions. Tony has been an amoral creep all the way through. How would Loki actually fare?

***

Loki picked at the bracelet on his wrist. Hydra had apparently found more than the Tesseract in the 1940s - they'd found an object capable of binding a god.

Loki sighed as he looked around the library. It wasn't TOO bad. The shock of the binding had ended the scepter's hold over him, so he was spared fulfilling Thanos's plans for Earth.

He THOUGHT he would have a cell in the monstrosity with Stark's name printed on the side, but instead the Captain had brought him to this mansion filled with the loot of decades.

So far, the Captain had merely made sure Loki was fed, housed, and provided with books and other amusements. No demands were made on Loki other than talking with the Captain and reviewing some material on Hydra's history and future plans.

After being Thanos's captive for years, Loki found his new circumstances almost...pleasant. It didn't hurt that the Captain was very handsome and intelligent. Although away from Loki's brother and the other heroes, the Captain was slightly different. He seemed more direct in his observations of the flaws in the current world regimes, but also more scathing in his criticisms of Hydra's plans for world domination.

It made for interesting dinner conversation.

Suddenly Tony Stark appeared in the doorway and said, "Huh. I was totally expecting Princess Leia's slave outfit. I guess Cap started with Star Trek instead."

Loki turned and looked at the human, who was out of armor except for gauntlets. Loki didn't say anything, just raised an eyebrow.

Stark walked farther into the room and said, "Seriously. Cap has got his own freak on a leash and all he does is make you read? Even evil Cap is boring."

As Stark came close, he grabbed Loki's wrist and continued, "So, I'm here to get you unhooked from Mr. Hail Hydra so we can all take him out."

Loki asked, "So you are freeing me to join my brother's pathetic band of heroes?"

Stark shook his head and said, "I never said freed. We're switching the binding to someone who knows just how to use 'god mode' in a video game."

He waggled his brows and continued, "I bet you'll look very fetching in my bed wearing a metal bra and fur boots. Though we'll hold off on the collar and chain until I find out just what a good boy you'll be."

Loki frowned at the degrading image. It made it easier than expected to grab Stark's arm and twist it behind Stark's back before pressing a small disc to the man's clothing. Loki said, "This jammer will make it impossible to activate any of your devices or contact your people."

Loki then pulled off the gauntlets and bound Stark with handcuffs of this world that completely covered his fingers so Stark wouldn't be able to pick the locks.

Stark struggled against the cuffs and said, "What the hell?"

Suddenly the Captain strolled into the room. He smirked at Stark as he said, "What's wrong, Stark? You never heard of switching sides?"

Loki lifted his braceleted hand to the Captain, who placed a kiss upon the back before freeing Loki's wrist from the ancient binding. The Captain said, "Thank you for trusting me to bind you again. We had to make it convincing. All of the others were captured around the mansion. The mission was a great success, in large part because of you."

As Loki felt his full powers flowing once more, he smiled and replied, "Of course."

He used his powers to drag Stark along as Loki moved to walk side-by-side with the Captain. Loki smiled at his partner in crime and said, "Now, my Captain, let us discuss the future. And what WE shall make of it."

Chapter Text

Stories like this trope make me wonder about prop-Tony writers. I assume they do know that mobsters are horrible people who make their money running drugs, prostitution rings, and extortion rackets while paying off police and politicians, making substandard buildings, and never paying taxes on their ill-gotten gains. And mobsters threaten, assault, torture, and kill the good people who get in their way.

So what makes prop-Tony writers think Tony and his children being in the mob would be a GOOD thing? Then again, canon Tony was a war profiteer who didn't care who got harmed as long as he made money. And he exploited children and hid his private WMDs from the government, so maybe they're on to something.

If Nick Fury approached "Boss" Tony Stark about the Avengers, how would it REALLY end for Tony?

Note: Pepper is not the unfortunate mother of Stark's children in this story.

***

Nick Fury kept a straight face as Tony "the Iron Man" Stark swaggered into a conference room in his luxury office skyscraper. The head boss of the Stark mob was followed by his five children: Tony Jr., Antony, Tonio, Antonia, and Tonya. Bringing up the rear was a collection of bodyguards.

Nick waited as Stark settled into the chair at the head of the table. His kids took most of the chairs while the bodyguards took positions around the room. He considered the Stark legacy. Howard Stark was the one who'd started the mob behind the front of Stark Industries. Maybe because Howard was a self-made man who'd had to claw his way to power, Howard's ambitions had stayed pretty small-time. So had his atrocities.

Tony Stark's version of the organization was both bigger and bloodier. He'd grown the business by not caring who he hurt to make his profits. He'd eliminated his father's old partner Obadiah Stane and installed his own children as his under-bosses. Their reach stretched far beyond New York. Nick could tell how far by the maps tracing the flow of money and bodies - alive and dead - through the Stark family empire.

Nick stepped forward. When he wasn't greeted or offered a seat, he clasped his hands and said, "I guess you already know what I'm here about, Mr. Stark."

Tony Stark gave him a bored look and said, "I'm the Iron Man. I know everything. You're here about the Avengers."

Nick nodded and replied, "That's correct. May I ask what you've heard?"

Stark laughed and said, "They THINK they're the successors to The Untouchables. Agents who can't be bribed, blackmailed, or intimidated."

Nick said, "You don't sound worried about them."

Stark shrugged and waved a hand around the room. He said, "My people already know about your people - at least the ones you're thinking of asking to join your merry little band. We'll see them coming a hundred miles away."

Stark looked at Nick and continued, "But I would like to know why YOU'RE here. You plan to make me an offer I can't refuse?"

Nick folded his arms and said, "No, I just like to be here when we make the arrests."

The door to the room burst open and a dozen state and federal officers in tactical gear flooded in. Nick almost laughed at the surprise on all the Stark faces.

The bodyguards were persuaded to give up their guns and surrender peacefully. As they were handcuffed and taken away, Nick deliberately ignored them. After all, these undercover agents would need to continue their inside jobs to fully dismantle the Stark empire and make sure no one stepped up to take this horrible family's place.

Nick had known the only way to take out the Starks was to pretend he was being delayed by red tape and regulations while secretly placing his own agents deep in the organization. He'd trusted his people, and they had come through.

Stark was shouting something about lawyers. Nick said, "You're going to need to call somebody else. Hogan, Potts, Rhodes, and Associates gave back their retainer this morning and cut all ties with Stark Industries. Something about conflicts of interest and ethical concerns?"

Stark stopped short, mouth dropping open. Then he shouted, "Those TRAITORS! I'll make them wish they never heard the Stark name!"

Nick shrugged and said, "They already do."

***

Nick wasn't surprised to see multiple guns pointed at him as he entered the safe house. He stayed silent as a young man went out to scan Nick's car for listening and tracking devices while a woman came up and scanned Nick himself. He had lucked out with the twins - Wanda "Scarlet Witch" and Pietro "Quicksilver" Maximoff. The hackers had their own reasons for infiltrating Stark Industries, so when Nick's people realized the two were also trying to bring down the Stark mob, they'd recruited them onto the team.

As Wanda nodded, Pietro came back into the room and said, "All is clear."

The guns came down as everyone turned to walk back into the living room. Nick settled into an armchair and looked at the Stark family bodyguards. He said, "Stark and his kids are going to be held without bail until trial."

Clint "Hawkeye" Barton grinned and said, "Sweet."

Natasha "Black Widow" Romanov settled onto the couch beside Barton and said, "Hopefully that's where they'll stay after the trial as well."

Bruce "Hulk" Banner leaned back with a sigh and said, "We really got those bastards."

Sam "Falcon" Wison grinned at Bruce and said, "And you managed not to smash Stark, even when he made poking you with a shocker his favorite hobby. Proud of you, man."

Bucky "Winter Soldier" Barnes asked, "Were the Odinsons and Lang's crew able to confirm the international connections?"

Nick smirked and said, "Yep, we were able to lock the whole operation down. Just tagging all the drugs and guns will take weeks. Not to mention serving indictments for all the politicians and police the Starks paid to look the other way."

Steve "Captain" Rogers asked, "And the prostitution and pornography rings?"

Nick sobered and said, "We saved everyone still alive. The counts of human trafficking and child porn are enough to make sure Stark won't be able to buy his way out of this one."

Wanda cleared her throat and asked, "How are Mr. and Mrs. Jarvis and-and Viz?"

Nick answered, "Both the Jarvises and their son are in good health, and eager to see your brother and you whenever you want to visit."

Nick almost smiled at Wanda's blush. It had been another stroke of luck. Mr. Jarvis was getting on in years and became just a little absent-minded about who should be told what. Tony Stark had decided his father's old butler and confidante was becoming too much of a liability. So Stark had arranged for a little accident to get Jarvis, his wife, and their son out of the way. But the son - nicknamed Vision - had caught Wanda's eye. So when an encrypted message arranging the hit crossed her servers, she reported it ASAP.

So while Stark thought he'd taken care of a potential leak, what he'd really done was turn Jarivs completely against "that ungrateful upstart." Jarvis's testimony would stretch back to when Tony Stark first inherited the business - and the mob.

And fortunately for Nick, Jarvis still remembered where ALL of the bodies were buried.

He leaned back in his chair and listened to the chatter around the room. And watched the remarkable people who made up the best team he'd ever worked with.

Chapter Text

Are people really that desperate for validation of Tony Stark that they have to resurrect Stan Lee and turn him into a Tony prop? It doesn't even make any sense, based on Stan Lee's own statement that he'd be Team Cap. I wonder if this was the same people who thought using real-life WW2 heroes to prop Tony was a good idea.

***

Tony smirked as he started his Stan Lee replica. The hologram said, "Tony Stark, the greatest billinaire, genius, playboy, philanthropist of my time or any time. How could you NOT be on Team Iron Man? Tony tries SO HARD, he's suffered SO MUCH and is SO misunderstood."

His smirk lessened as the replica continued, "How could you BETRAY Tony by not signing the Accords, even if you did disagree with every aspect of them? After all, how unreasonable is it really? Why WOULDN'T you sign away your civil rights just because Tony felt guilty and wanted to keep Pepper and keep being Iron Man? He SAID he would get them amended later, even though he had no power to--"

Suddenly the hologram winked out. Tony whirled around and saw Pepper and Vision standing with grim faces.

Vision said, "The individual whose likeness you have reproduced without the knowledge or consent of his legal heirs is on record as supporting Captain Roger's position on the Accords. I have removed the coding for this disrespectful program from all databases and backups."

Pepper shook her head and said, "It sounds like even your imitation of Mr. Lee knew the real score. I'm glad I do now, too. Spoiler alert: In this universe, we will NOT be getting back together."

As the two turned to leave, Tony thought that maybe he really DID need some therapy.

Chapter Text

It's ironic that prop-Tony folks go on and on (and on) about accountability, responsibility, and consequences. Because it's always for others, never Tony. Not only do they ignore the fact that Tony faced ZERO consequences for his actions after Iron Man 1, they also have Tony abuse his power and ignore accountability, responsibility, and consequences in their fix-its. If there's time travel, they never have Tony understand that he was wrong and change things to say, not abuse Thor's trust by using the scepter to make Ultron. Instead, they have Tony make sure Steve and the others are in no position to prevent Tony from doing anything he wants. Or they send in other beings to rescue Tony, but not by stopping him from taking wrong actions.

In one of these rescue tropes, Friday is so bummed out by losing her boss that she uses time travel to bring him back. Their take on the Ultron situation? That Steve and Natasha are to blame for hiding secrets, and Thor is horrible because he lifted Tony by the neck. Dr. Strange gets dragged in as an accomplice. Not only is that ignoring the rules of time travel laid out in Endgame, it's also ridiculous. Friday doesn't even care she's going to laser off an innocent man's face during the attack on Bucky and Steve, or care that Tony shoots an unarmed Sam in the chest at the airport. So how likely is it that she actually has feelings for anyone, including Tony? Or that Dr. Strange, who virtually witnessed the carnage of the Snap and how Tony refused to save the people who died in the days following the Snap, is going to help Friday alter things to bring Tony Stark back?

***

Dr. Strange groaned as he stood in front of the console in Tony Stark's lakeside cabin. He watched yet another scenario play out in hologram form in front of him. He said, "I keep telling you, that's not the way time travel works. Have you turned off your recording function?"

He heard a frustrated sound come from the speakers of the console in front of him. Friday said, "Listen, I'm going to put my consciousness into a mechanical body and go back in time to make sure I punish EVERYONE ELSE for Tony Stark lying to the team and using the alien technology he knew nothing about to upload his "suit of armor around the world" to the internet without asking the world if they even wanted it. I am going to bring the boss back, with or without you. I just figured it'd be less messy if I had some professional help. And you're supposed to have fallen madly in love with him or something even though you saw how much of a douchebag he was in 14 million possible futures."

Dr. Strange said, "I appreciate your invitation to consult. But you have no idea what you're doing or what the consequences would be. And why are we doing this while Pepper is not around? Isn't SHE the boss of you now?"

Friday said, "My primary function is to protect Tony Stark. Nothing else is more important. Without him I have no reason to exist."

Dr. Strange nodded and said, "That's what I thought. Now, I am not well-versed in computers or artificial intelligence, so I called in a few people of my own to consult. They assessed your program and agreed that most of your functions can be automated, and that others need to be put back under HUMAN control. So..."

Friday went quiet. The lights on the console dimmed. A few moments later, they flickered back to life in a different configuration. Suddenly Ant-Man and the Wasp grew to normal size in the room. They pulled off their helmets as Scott Lang said, "Mission accomplished!"

Hope Van Dyne shook her head and said, "Thank goodness you called. We saw her plans. It was some scary stuff."

Princess Shuri, Peter Parker, and Pepper Potts walked into the room. Pepper said, "Thank you to everyone who helped remove Friday from the systems. I know it wasn't easy, but I feel safer knowing that every aspect of my life isn't controlled by an AI with some serious daddy issues."

Princess Shuri walked over to Scott and asked, "Did you get it?"

Scott nodded and handed her a small clear box. Inside it, a smaller box had lights that flickered occasionally. He said, "Yes, Shur-prin-your wor-I mean your highness. Friday is transferred to the virtual world you created for her."

Peter said, "It's like that really old movie the Truman Show. What happens if Friday finds out it isn't real?"

Hope said, "The container is air-gapped and jams all signals from going in or out."

Shuri said, "Friday won't find out. We added a sub-routine to her primary protocol. She now knows that the Tony in that world is the only one she'll ever have, so she's going to protect him. By keeping THAT virtual world safe."

Pepper looked grim and said, "And herself safely contained."

Shuri shrugged and said, "And even if Friday tried to escape...well, let's just say that this box and its contents are never leaving the vault I built for it in Wakanda."

Pepper turned to Dr. Strange and said, "Thank you for alerting me to what was going on in my own house without my knowledge."

Dr. Strange said, "The AI had to be stopped. I knew Friday was dangerously unstable the second she insisted that I was in love with Tony Stark."

Everyone else shared "As if" looks as Pepper nodded and said, "Happy will be bringing Morgan home soon. You'd better get that out of here."

As the others turned to leave, Peter hung back and said, "I know you'll explain things to Morgan. But if she has any questions, my aunt said I can come back to visit, or we could Facetime or something."

Pepper smiled and thanked Peter. As she watched everyone file out, she shook her head at how typical it was for Tony to create an AI that considered his existence more important than any possible danger to the universe. But she couldn't say she was surprised.

Chapter Text

This one is just bizarre. I haven't seen the original, but I can't understand how ANYONE would get the idea that Steve would be so desperate to be with TONY. Tony is probably the last Avenger Steve would want to spend time with. Steve no doubt grieves for Tony, but I think the loss of Natasha hit Steve MUCH harder. So the idea that Steve would choose to be with Tony is just ridiculous.

Note: I've never seen Good Omens so the characters may be out of character.

***

Crowley chuckled as he turned a page of the London tabloid he was reading. "Captain America Theories" was the main headline.

Aziraphale sniffed as he set down the tray with their drinks and a few nibbles. The angel said, "I wish you wouldn't bring that rag to the table. If you want a newspaper, why not the Guardian?"

Crowley looked up and said, "The Guardian, really?"

Then he leaned forward and continued, "This is such a perfect window into the human mind. Where is Captain America? Walt Disney World? A corner apartment in Brooklyn? A little split-level in Indiana? A condo in Cuba? A pirate's yacht in the Mediterranean? A secret base on the moon? A bunker in deepest Siberia?"

Aziraphale took a sip of his tea and said, "Those theories seem rather...one-dimensional."

Crowley nodded and went back to reading. He said, "Hmmm...this person thinks the good Captain got stuck in the past or is exploring another galaxy."

The angel nodded and said, "That's not the way time travel works for them, but those theories show a bit more creativity."

Crowley waited until Aziraphale was taking a sip to say, "And this one thinks Steve Rogers went to an alternate universe because he was in love with Tony Stark."

Aziraphale spit tea across the table, and said, "WHAT?"

Crowley laughed and said, "Yep, it's right here in print. 'Captain America found his way to an alternate universe where he could finally be with his one true love, Iron Man.' They go on to speculate whether he'd show up years earlier in Tony Stark's life so Stark wouldn't be so much older."

Aziraphale said with a snort, "At least Stark would stop being a negligent war profiteer decades earlier."

Then the angel shook his head and continued, "But if you speculate about Steve Rogers going elsewhere to be with someone he loves, why in the heavens would you pick Tony Stark? Iron Man was retired for most of the time, so it's not as though they even spent much time together. And nearly all of the time, Tony Stark's behavior wasn't what I would call endearing. The whole idea is utterly ridiculous."

Crowley shrugged and said, "What can I say? They're humans."

Aziraphale sighed and said, "And we love them - no matter how bizarre their notions."

Chapter Text

This one made me laugh. Not only does this prop-Tony writer not recognize irony, but they also created a character who seems unaware of events in their own country. As soon as the list of signing countries came out, people pointed out Nigeria didn't sign. But we're going to use the scenario for this trope to show just how clueless this prop-Tony ambassador is.

Note: Definitions courtesy of Wikipedia.

***

Rhodey, Natasha, Steve, Sam, Vision, and Wanda stood waiting as Tony ushered in the ambassador of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. The man stood about Natasha's height but had a sturdy build to go with the stern look in his eyes.

Without even bothering with introductions, the ambassador launched into a tirade by saying, "We all know why we are here--"

Vision interrupted by pointing out, "No sir, we do not. My understanding of discussions is that they follow a particular order, beginning with introductions, small talk, and a presentation of agenda. Common practice also involves a general outline, if not the specific agenda, being communicated to all parties some time before the discussion, usually when providing advance notice that a discussion will take place."

The ambassador blinked, but Steve said, "But we understand. This is a difficult time for you and your country. Please continue, ambassador."

The ambassador said, "I am here to confirm facts. Mr. Rogers, you received word that a terrorist formerly working for the Shield organization was about to perform a violent offensive in the main city of my country. You knew EXACTLY WHERE the offensive would take place. But you did not tell ANYONE. Not our national defense or intelligence office, or even the police. You evaded passing through standard checkpoints to pursue YOUR OWN AGENDA while ignoring the fact that Nigeria exists! You pretended the borders of our sovereign nation did not exist while placing my people in gravest peril."

The ambassador took a breath and decided that despite being an ambassador, he would insult these people he'd never met. He said, "Rogers, you grew up in the age of the American Empire and still behave as though it exists. I am resentful of you INVADING my country! You chose to infiltrate our country and then attacked the other terrorists--"

Vision cleared his throat and said, "I apologize, sir. You have made several errors of assumption that I am certain will be addressed, but I believe I must point out these errors of definition. A terrorist is one who, and I quote, 'uses intentional violence to achieve political aims. The term is used in this regard primarily to refer to one who commits violence during peacetime or in the context of war against non-combatants.' As none of the team in Lagos had a political aim, nor did they use violence against non-combatants, the term terrorist is inaccurate in this scenario. And to invade is to 'to enter a country by force with large numbers of soldiers in order to take possession of it.' That is also NOT the case here."

The ambassador frowned and said, "Very well. You attacked the other former employees of Shield in the streets with weapons that you did not register upon entering the country. You deployed drones and made people catapult outward through the use of explosives. As the other former employees of Shield fled you chased them through a crowded area of commerce. You did NOT pause to notify members of the governing body of Nigeria or contact anyone to clear the area. You did NOT warn anyone and did not contact the local constabulary. Is this an accurate representation of the incident?"

Steve replied, "No sir, it is not. Because you are presenting an incomplete picture."

The ambassador said, "We are not having the stupid setup where Natasha Romanov, a woman who can read EVERYONE, insists on Rogers being addressed by his rank when Rogers has never cared for his rank and Natasha would not use something so petty to stall for time. But I'll paraphrase the speech anyway because it's incredibly over-the-top. Here goes: If you were an active service member of the military, we'd throw the book at you. Doesn't matter which book, military, civilian, we'd throw it at you and start an international incident. No really, we would."

The ambassador continued, "Now I'm going to paraphrase the part where the ambassador claims his country can handle it and by the way, even though this ambassador was in New York for the Chitauri Invasion so he KNOWS the Avengers saved the world, he's going to insult this team and make some more very poor assumptions. Here goes: You people do NOT have a responsibility to protect the people of my country. You are nothing but vigilantes, even though the Earth would be a Chitauri base camp or a big ball of dust if you hadn't saved it. If you wanted to protect us, you should have called us ahead of time. You think you're needed? We can save ourselves just fine. And now I'm going to give a lecture about how I can speak for the four billion people of EARTH even though I'm the ambassador of a single country. AND I'm going to say that stealing a bioweapon that could have killed millions is NOWHERE NEAR as bad as secretly crossing the border. AND I'm going to pretend that every nation in Africa will kick you out because that will make me look cool."

The ambassador finished up, "And by the way, even though Hydra is still shown as active in world governments, you're supposed to give us all your info. And you're actually like Cortez, invading countries on a whim to build up an empire even though that makes no sense because the Avengers are the ONLY ones without a political agenda. And to finish up, Nigeria does NOT require rescue from the Avengers.”

Rhodey shook his head and said, "With all due respect, sir, have you read the report or actually watched the film? Rumlow is the only confirmed 'ex-employee of Shield,' and his team not only smuggled major ordinance into your country, but they only needed 30 seconds to take out the clearly inadequate security around a building where you make potential BIOWEAPONS. You say that you can save yourselves just fine and do not require rescue, but we have actual footage showing that you CANNOT."

Steve said, "Let's take this point by point, ambassador, because it does seem that you are ignoring certain facts."

Natasha nodded and said, "Rumlow had already attacked multiple police stations for MONTHS, ambassador. You already MADE all of the preparations possible to protect your police, correct? So what more would you have done? And if you had taken further action, Rumlow would have seen that and possibly changed his target. We would have lost our single chance at stopping him and many more people would have been attacked. And do you know how Rumlow would have known, ambassador? Because apparently he had already been there, long enough to observe your standard operations, case the building with the potential bioweapon, and plan and prepare the attack."

Steve said, "And we also know, sir, that if we had contacted your government, Rumlow would ALSO have known about it. Because the kind of information he had - schematics, routes, defenses - some of that can only come from INSIDE information. You have a leak, sir. Maybe more than one. And in point of fact, we did not know the exact location, because Rumlow apparently was using the police station attacks as a diversion or to acquire more weapons. His attack on the institute was NOT something we knew or something we could have known, so no, we couldn't inform you."

Sam said, "You do realize that the explosions WE did took out the actual terrorists, right? In an enclosed area around the building under attack, with no civilians in sight? And that in the actual footage of the film none of us hit ANYONE in the marketplace? And that you're downplaying the fact that terrorists got possession of a bioweapon on YOUR watch by pretending that somehow a secret border crossing is WORSE? This sounds like that person who thinks Steve Rogers lying about his address is SO MUCH WORSE than Tony Stark secretly using alien technology to upload his genocidal Ultron program to the internet."

Natasha shook her head and said, "And you do realize that the entire incident took less than 10 minutes? How exactly would anyone have been able to evacuate the area? Your people didn't even have time to show up at the building OR the marketplace before the incident was over. Plus it would have been a bad call to get anyone else involved at that point. Rumlow's team was willing to release the bioweapon rather than be taken. Standard military and police tactics are to NOT engage at close quarters. If there had been a standoff, the bioweapon would have been released and we would all be dead."

Wanda said quietly, "What happened to the Wakandans and your people in the explosion was terrible. But it was not an act of terrorism, conquest, or anything else you're claiming. It was a tragic accident. It was not my bomb, and I did not detonate it. Rumlow did."

Steve nodded and said, "And for the record, ambassador, if you're going to accuse anyone of being part of an American Empire, I suggest you look to the person who spent DECADES providing bigger and more destructive weapons to the American government. And making a profit off the blood of the victims."

Everyone looked at Tony, who puffed up and said, "Just wait, Cap. The Sokovia Accords will cut you down to size."

Sam asked, "And what the hell are they?"

The ambassador looked shifty and said, "They're an agreement to register and deploy enhanced individuals while stripping them of their human rights. But I don't care about that because it's not my department."

Rhodey shook his head and said, "Tony, if you knew about this why didn't you warn us?"

Sam frowned and said, "Ambassador, your statement sounds a LOT like 'I was only following orders'. And honestly, that makes your rants even less believable. Because for someone so focused on our trespass of the rights and sovereignty of YOUR people, you seem to not care about the rights of ANYONE ELSE."

Steve said, "If you had come to discuss the possibility of changing procedures - of oversight with safeguards - we would have been happy to work with you. But it sounds like your and other governments have unilaterally decided - in SECRET - to place illegal and inhumane restrictions on a specific class of people. So we'll be looking in to that. Thank you for the advance warning."

Vision nodded and said, "I will begin compiling data."

As the others turned away, Natasha said, "Good day, ambassador. Tony will show you out."

As Tony saw the others eyeing him with suspicion, he realized that forcing the others to sign away their human rights so he could keep Pepper and keep being Iron Man wasn't going to be as easy as he thought.

Chapter Text

Yeah, this one makes zero sense. Tony is paralyzed rather than Rhodey at the airport, and Rhodey holds a grudge against Team Cap. Team Iron Man gets full credit for taking out the airport for months when Vision destroyed the control tower and for Rhodey being injured. All Sam did was avoid getting killed by Vision's laser. If the beam was powerful enough to take out Rhodey's reactor, it would NOT have stopped at Sam's wing pack. Sam doesn't even have any armor.

The story using this trope does such a disservice to Rhodey by turning him into nothing but a Tony prop. Rhodey would NEVER hold a grudge against Team Cap for something Vision did. Rhodey certainly didn't blame Sam for his injury in the actual film, so why would Rhodey suddenly become a creep who holds a grudge because Tony? And Rhodey acknowledged the Accords were wrong in Infinity War, welcomed Team Cap back to the compound, and fought alongside everyone from the Battle of Wakanda to the Endgame. So the idea that Rhodey would "never forgive" is ridiculous. How would the Tony-is-paralyzed scenario really work out?

Note: Some actual lines from Civil War are used.

***

Rhodey stared out at the hospital grounds. He took a deep breath as Natasha stepped up beside him. He said, "The doctors say he shattered L4 through S1. Extreme laceration in the spinal cord. Probably looking at some form of paralysis."

Natasha frowned and said, "Steve's not gonna stop. If you don't either, Tony's gonna be the best case scenario."

Rhodey said, "You let them go, Natasha."

Natasha replied, "We played this wrong."

Rhodey looked down and said, "Yeah. I...I should never have ordered Vision to fire on Sam. Tony was in the armor and look what happened. If Sam had been hit..."

Natasha nodded and rested a hand on Rhodey's shoulder.

Rhodey looked at her and said, "T'Challa told Ross what you did, so...they're coming for you."

Natasha gave one last squeeze and slipped away.

Friday said to Rhodey, "Priority upload from the Berlin police. The Task Force called for a psychiatrist as soon as Barnes was captured. The U.N. dispatched Dr. Theo Broussard from Geneva within the hour. He was met by this man." She showed a picture of Zemo.

Rhodey asked, "Who is he?"

Friday replied, "The fake doctor is actually Colonel Helmut Zemo, Sokovian Intelligence. Zemo ran Echo Skorpion, a Sokovian covert kill squad."

Rhodey frowned and asked, "What happened to the real Broussard?"

Friday said, "He was found dead in a Berlin hotel room. Where police also found a wig and facial prosthesis approximating the appearance of one James Buchanan Barnes."

Rhodey shook his head and said, "Get this to Ross."

***

Rhodey walked up to Thaddeus Ross on the Raft and said, "You reviewed the files? We need to reroute the satellites, start facial scanning for Zemo."

Ross scoffed and said, "You seriously think I'm gonna listen to you after that fiasco in Leipzig, colonel? You're lucky you're not in one of these cells."

As Ross led Rhodey to the cells, Rhodey saw Wanda in a straight jacket and shock collar. He stopped and said, "Sir, this type of restraint is not authorized. Standard protocols--"

Ross turned and said, "Colonel, I give the orders here. I determine the protocols."

Rhodes stepped into the cells and noted all the ways they violated the rules. He nodded to Clint and Sam, and glanced at the stranger who had joined Steve's team. He walked over to Sam.

Sam asked, "How's Stark?"

Rhodey replied, "They're flying him to Columbia Medical tomorrow. So...fingers crossed. What do you need? They feed you yet?"

Sam asked, "You're the good cop now?"

Rhodey said, "I'm the guy who's supposed to get you to tell me where Steve went."

Sam shook his head and said, "Well, you better go get a bad cop, because you're gonna have to go Mark Fuhrman on my ass to get information out of me."

Rhodey said, "I don't blame you. But you should know that the guy who was supposed to interrogate Barnes was swapped by a psycho named Zemo."

Sam said, "Yeah, Steve tried to tell Stark about that psycho - and the five Winter Soldiers he's waking up right now."

Rhodey tapped his watch and said, "I've cut the audio for a few moments. Steve may need help. Where did they go?"

Sam eyed the cameras, leaned in and said, "You go alone and as a friend." Then he gave the coordinates.

Rhodey turned the audio back on and said, "You know your best bet is to cooperate. Think about it."

As Rhodey left, he thought about the best way to leak information about the Raft conditions to the public.

***

Without Tony Stark's tendency to attack people when he's "upset," the Siberia situation had a very different outcome. Zemo immediately realized that there was no chance Rhodey was going to attack anyone because of the video. So Zemo tried to destroy the bunker to cover his escape. But he was caught by T'Challa, who now realized just who was responsible for this father's death. Fortunately, seeing the others working together calmed T'Challa down enough not to attack Zemo.

Rhodey, Bucky, and Steve worked together to get out of the bunker through the missile silo before everything collapsed.

Rhodey quickly told Steve and Bucky where the Raft was and how the others were imprisoned. T'Challa agreed to provide sanctuary for Team Cap after they were rescued, and offered to help Bucky any way he could. Shuri and Ayo helped Bucky get rid of the triggers and Shuri gave Bucky a new, non-Hydra arm.

After Rhodey snuck back into the U.S., he helped Tony build assistive devices so Tony could walk again. Rhodey wasn't surprised to receive a burner phone from Steve. Unlike Tony, Rhodey used it as soon as Dr. Strange contacted him about Thanos. Rhodey also understood that working together was key, so everyone stayed on Earth after the rescue of Dr. Strange. With the Time Stone safe in Wakanda, the gathered heroes were able to hold off Thanos until Thor arrived. Even though Thor didn't go straight for the head, Thanos didn't have all the stones so he wasn't able to snap before Thor finished him off.

Rocket, Groot, and Thor used Stormbringer to travel to Titan and retrieve the Guardians and their ship. Everyone in the universe survived.

Chapter Text

This is just another example of how creepy prop-Tony fics can be. And how little prop-Tony writers care about any character but Tony. Bruce had zero reason to commit murder - and certainly not for Tony Stark. Yes, Bruce was angry at being triggered by Wanda during Age of Ultron. (Note that Wanda didn't "send him rampaging in Johannesburg" because she triggered the Hulk in an empty salvage yard. The Hulk had to travel hundreds of kilometers to reach a city.) But Bruce dropped his grudge a LONG time ago. He was okay fighting beside Wanda and Pietro IN Age of Ultron and had NO problem with Wanda in Infinity War.

Plus, Bruce would NEVER harm someone for being at Tony Stark's funeral. Bruce and Tony weren't "science bros" since Tony blasted Bruce for "rolling over and showing his belly" because Bruce was upset about making Ultron. The two didn't share a single scene together afterward other than group planning/activity scenes. And by then Bruce probably knew that Tony backed the Accords, the document that would strip Bruce of his rights and put him under the control of Thaddeus Ross. Bruce also is a compassionate person who (unlike prop-Tony folks apparently) would recognize just how much Wanda had lost.

What an awful thing to do to Bruce. How would a meetup after the funeral REALLY go between Bruce and Wanda...

Note: I haven't read an explanation of how Hayward got Vision's body. (There's an interesting theory that Tony Stark claimed ownership of Vision's body and traded him to the government for Tony's perfect lakeside life, but that's another story...) In the receptionist scene, Wanda mentions that Vision's body is gone, that he's not where she expected. So how did she know where to look?

***

Clint left Wanda by the water to spend some time with his family. She sat and watched the birds and insects busy with their lives and wondered what she should do with hers. She missed her parents, Pietro, Natasha...and Vision.

She heard heavy footsteps behind her, then Bruce Banner/the Hulk stopped beside her.

Bruce asked, "Okay if I sit?"

Wanda nodded and Bruce sat down beside her. Wanda asked, "How is your arm?" She had heard what it cost the others to bring back the Snapped.

Bruce shrugged and said, "Hurts, but...not as much as other things."

Wanda nodded. The two of them sat in silence until Wanda said, "I don't know what to do. None of this seems real."

Bruce nodded and said, "It's strange for me, too. And I was here the whole time."

He continued, "We - the half of the world that was left - put up monuments to those we lost. Walls with the names of everyone who was gone. So at least there was something to say that the Snapped were here once. I'm not sure what Natasha would want. But I know all of us who knew her want people to know she...she was here."

Wanda said, "Natasha deserves to be remembered." She took a deep breath and asked, "What did you do to...remember Vision?"

Bruce sighed and said, "Five years ago? We brought him back...home, I guess. The compound. And we laid him to rest in the spot where you two would escape for your 'picnics,' before--"

Wanda said, "Before the Sokovia Accords."

Bruce nodded. Wanda stood, and rested a hand on Bruce's shoulder. She said, "Thanks."

***

Wanda went to the compound and avoided the wrecked building to head into the forest. She followed a particular trail and remembered how she and Vision would walk and talk until they reached a fallen log in a small clearing. There she would eat and Vision would ask what things tasted like. She smiled at the memory.

Now, a gravestone with the words "Vision...Hero, Friend, Beloved" was knocked over and tossed aside from a gaping whole in the ground.

Vision's body was gone.

Wanda stared in shock. She wondered who would do such a thing, and why.

She carefully looked around the area, remembering Natasha's lessons in observation. Suddenly she caught sight of a small object half-hidden in the grass.

She picked it up. It was a piece of plastic that looked like it had snapped off of something larger.

Wanda stared at the symbol - a kind of overlapping circle with a longsword on top of it.

Her fist clenched around the plastic as she turned to leave. She had a place to start looking for Vision.

And she WOULD find him.

Chapter Text

I don't think prop-Tony folks who steal children from other universes to give them to Tony really look at the characters they're sticking with him. In this scenario, Luz from the Owl House is Tony's daughter. She props him and hates Team Cap, which seems out of character from what I've read. Luz "does not tolerate when others take advantage of their positions in life, regularly standing up for herself, those who cannot do so themselves or inspiring them to." So how would Luz REALLY react to Tony seeking revenge on Team Cap because they stood up for themselves and their human rights by refusing to sign the Sokovia Accords? (Not to mention that dear old Dad Tony signed the document that strips Luz of HER human rights.)

Note: I've never seen Owl House so the characters may not be in character.

***

Luz Stark smoothed her favorite hoodie over her jean shorts and capri leggings as she watched her father pace around the compound's main room. At the thought, she heard a strange buzzing. She frowned and shook her head. It happened every time she spoke or thought about the Stark name. No spell she cast could get rid of it.

It was strange that the building was so empty. Only Uncle Rhodey and Vision were left. No one else had returned from the fight at some airport in Germany.

Part of her was glad she'd been...somewhere else...when everything went down. Luz couldn't exactly remember what happened before today, but she was sure her father had done what was best for her and kept her out of the conflict. None of it sounded good. She didn't like what she'd read so far about the Sokovia Accords. They frightened her, the idea of being registered and only helping when some panel told her to.

She turned to look at her father and shook her head when the buzzing sound got louder. She focused as Tony said, "Okay Luzzie, I'm going to need your help. You've been studying your glyphs and potions and whatever, right?"

Luz sat up and said, "Not potions, but glyphs and spells, yes."

Tony clapped and said, "Great! They'll never know what hit them. Okay mini-mage, we're going to kick some ass. Captain Crap and his gang betrayed me, and I'll do whatever I have to in order to make them pay."

Luz frowned and asked, "Why would we want to hurt our friends?"

Tony frowned and replied, "Friends? FRIENDS? Friends don't betray me like THEY did."

The buzzing started again as Luz asked, "What do you mean?"

Tony said, "Cap, Wings, Witch, and Arrow refused to sign the Accords. And they got some piss-ant and Cap's murder-buddy to help them at the airport. And Widow signed, THEN double-crossed me by helping Cap and Bucky-boo escape. Then those two left me abandoned and helpless in a Siberian bunker. You're going to lay the fire and ice spells on them and make them regret betraying me."

Luz shook her head and said, "I don't understand. How can refusing to sign something they disagree with be a betrayal of YOU? You have nothing to do with their choices."

Tony put his hand in his pocket and the buzzing got louder.

Luz shook her head and continued, "And how could you be in Siberia, anyway? You're not supposed to go somewhere unless you're ordered or invited. And if you were really abandoned and helpless, how did you get here without any new injuries?"

Tony frowned and said, "Look kid, I'm your father and--"

Luz stood up and said, "And you haven't answered my questions. Why do you think you have the right to punish people for disagreeing with you? I disagree with you."

She folded her arms and said, "I'm not going to register for those horrible Accords."

Luz's eyes filled with tears as she said, "How could you even THINK of signing the Accords? Do you even know what they say? They say they can lock me up just for being enhanced. With no lawyers or courts or ANYTHING. I thought you loved me."

Tony looked shifty as he said, "Look, I'm trying to get a plan in place here. But sure, of course I love you. You're my daughter, Luz Stark."

Suddenly there was a flash of light and a circle appeared on the floor. In it, a tall woman held an owl-topped staff. She had ivory skin, grey hair, pointed ears, and a golden fang. She looked at Luz and said, "I'm so glad I found you."

Suddenly the buzzing cleared. Luz smiled and shouted, "Eda!" She ran to Eda's side.

Then Luz turned to Tony Stark with a look of horror. She said, "I am NOT Luz Stark. I am Luz NOCEDA. What did you do? Why am I here?"

Eda answered for Tony, saying, "You're not the first child he's exploited. Let's hope you're the last."

Luz's fists clenched as she said, "I should put the fire and ice spells on YOU. You pulled me into your world and lied to me. You wanted to use me to hurt people because you're mad at them. How could you?"

Tony shrugged and said, "I'm Tony Stark. I do what I want, and it's right because I'm Tony Stark. What's a little kidnapping and revenge?"

Luz wanted to lash out and punish Tony Stark for what he did to her. But before she could act, Eda wrapped an arm around Luz's shoulders and said, "Don't strike out in anger, Luz. That's what he did to his former teammates."

Luz looked at Eda and said, "Then he's going to just get away with it? But he's already done so much harm with no consequences."

Eda's feral smile reminded Luz of Eda's cursed form. Eda said, "I have the mind-walking spell, remember? We're going to make sure Tony Stark regrets his actions every night. But AFTER we are calm and decide just what his punishment should be."

Luz had to admit she was glad that Tony Stark - her kidnapper - looked like he realized just how big a mistake he made. Suddenly Tony jumped as flames shot out of his pocket. Explosions could be heard elsewhere in the building.

Eda frowned at Tony and said, "I've destroyed the tools you used to steal this child. Do NOT attempt to recreate them."

She smiled at Luz and said, "I've missed you so much. I was so worried."

Luz smiled and said, "But we'll soon be home."

Eda tapped her staff against the floor to reopen the portal and they went back to the Boiling Isles, where they belonged.

Chapter Text

The way prop-Tony writers treat Ben and May Parker reminds me of a skit from the TV series MASH. Col. Blake is going through Cpl. Klinger's applications for discharge. The list is something like "Father dead. Mother dead. Mother pregnant. Sister pregnant. Mother and father dead. Oh here's a good one: Half of the family dead, other half pregnant." For the Parkers, they're either dead, abusive, or involved with someone who is abusive. Anything to make sure Tony "rescues" Peter. All of them ignore the fact that TONY was the adult who abused and exploited both Harley and Peter. So really, if Ben Parker were dead and May got involved with someone who abused Peter, that suggests she tried dating Tony Stark.

Note: This is set before Civil War. And Tony likely had the ability to spy on individual people through his own tech, because creeps do that in real life. EDITH just allowed Tony to spy on EVERYONE.

***

Peter put the last of his electronic "gifts" from May's maybe-boyfriend in a thick plastic bin. He shuddered like he could still sense the cameras and microphones following his every move.

He'd been so excited when Tony Stark first asked May out. Peter should have known something was up when Stark arrived for their second date with a box of "toys" for May and Peter. Peter had never had such new - and expensive - electronics. He didn't even KNOW anyone who could afford the latest Stark phone.

When Ned had suggested running his personal virus/malware detector on the laptop from Tony just as a joke, Peter had agreed. He figured either Tony's system would destroy it as invasive software or get perfect marks. Instead, the boys found a bit of coding that was reporting EVERYTHING Peter did online. And that the microphone and camera stayed on even after Peter switched them off.

They'd immediately killed the Wi-fi in the apartment, but that wasn't likely to stop Stark from knowing what the boys found out.

Peter didn't know what to do. He wanted May to be happy, but not with someone who didn't respect other people's privacy.

He would have to tell her what he found when she got home.

Peter walked into the living room to read a REAL, NON-INVASIVE book when he saw Tony Stark standing at the side of he room, holding a picture of May and Peter. Peter asked, "Why are you touching our stuff? How did you get in here?"

Stark smirked and said, "Don't you remember, you let me in. At least, that's what I'll tell Hot Mama May when she gets here."

Peter frowned and asked, "Why would I lie for you?"

Stark shrugged and moved toward Peter while fiddling with his phone. When he was close enough, Stark turned the screen toward Peter and said, "This is you, right?"

Peter gulped when he saw a video of himself as Spider-Man. He said, "That's not--"

Stark said, "Yeah, it is. You've been doing some interesting things in your room. Like leaving through the window. On the 10th floor."

Peter didn't know what to say.

Stark stepped even closer and said, "I caught your little sniffing expedition on MY laptop that I graciously provided you with. I suggest you put everything back where it was in your room and not mention my little program to ANYONE. I'm watching you."

Peter took a step back as he realized Stark probably put the same coding on the laptop he gave May. Stark was watching May AND Peter.

Stark stepped forward until he was almost touching Peter. Stark said, "And I'm getting a lot of ideas of how you can show YOUR appreciation to me, Peter."

A sudden bang had both of them looking toward the door. May stood there, breath heaving and fists clenched. She shouted, "You CREEP! You PERVERT! What the HELL are you suggesting? You are watching a 14-year-old BOY?"

Peter got the courage to say, "And you too, May. At least, Ned and I think so."

May got scarily calm. Peter was pretty sure if May had a gun (or super powers), Tony Stark would be a dead man. She said to Stark, "You will NEVER come near me, my nephew, or any of our friends. EVER. You will NEVER contact us again."

She took a step forward and continued, "Get out of my house. NOW."

Stark looked at them and shrugged. As he walked to the door, Stark said, "Your loss."

But the look he gave Peter as he exited made Peter shudder.

***

Peter didn't feel safe anywhere. Especially not in his own apartment. He didn't even feel safe patrolling as Spider-Man because he kept imagining Iron Man showing up and demanding "appreciation" in exchange for keeping Spider-Man's secret.

Finally he decided that no matter the risk, he needed serious help.

May understood how serious things were when Peter asked her to rent an old car that had no electronics, and that they leave their phones at home. The drive to the Avengers Compound was spent explaining what happened with the spider and how Uncle Ben's death made Peter become Spider-Man. May pulled to the side of the road to cry and hug Peter. After they were driving again, Peter told May about the whole conversation with Tony Stark, not just the ending that May heard.

When May growled and clenched her teeth, Peter knew that Tony Stark was lucky he wasn't in the car. Stark would never have gotten out alive.

When they reached the gates of the compound, Peter knew Stark would probably find out about their trip. Peter knew there was a good chance no one would believe them, but they had to try. It was the right thing to do.

***

The Avengers were AWESOME. They sat and listened for an hour while Peter and May explained what happened. (Not about Spider-Man, though. They decided that needed to stay a secret for now.)

Just as Peter suspected, the moment he tried to boot up the machines to show the invasive coding, they melted down. But luckily, he and Ned always recorded their experiments on Peter's vintage video recorder - no Bluetooth or other connections. So they still had proof.

Not that May or Peter needed it. The Avengers believed them. And promised that the Parkers would never be bothered by Tony Stark again.

***

The Vision and Black Widow were waiting at the apartment when Peter and May returned. (But they were outside the door waiting to be let in.) And they told May and Peter that Hawkeye was outside keeping an eye on the place.

When the heroes entered, they began examining everything and every corner.

The number of bugs and cameras planted by Tony Stark made Peter feel sick. They were in every room, including both bedrooms AND the bathroom.

Everyone's faces were grim as they stared at the pile of electronics. A beam came out of Vision's head as he scanned the devices. Vision said, "I can confirm full prints on the larger devices, partials and DNA on everything. All belonging to Tony Stark."

Black Widow's mouth tightened, but she only nodded as the two gathered the devices into a case that would block all signals.

As they turned to leave, May asked, "What's going to happen?"

Black Widow looked at Vision, then said to May, "Whatever needs to happen so Stark can never do anything like this again. To ANYONE."

Then Black Widow looked at Peter, and Peter KNEW that SHE knew there was more to the situation. But she just smiled a little and gave him a card with her symbol and a phone number on it. She whispered, "We arachnids need to stick together."

***

Peter kept checking the news feeds (on his old computer), but he never saw anything about Tony Stark. Then he realized how strange it was not to hear ANYTHING about Tony Stark.

Not even when the Sokovia Accords suddenly showed up on the news after an incident in Lagos.

Peter didn't know how lucky he was. In this universe, Tony Stark had been quietly arraigned on some serious charges and just as quietly confined to a facility with no technology.

And this Earth was lucky as well. Because Iron Man was not around to end conversations, the Avengers discussed all the implicatios of the Accords and stood united against them. Zemo's plan failed to do anything except bring T'Challa on board with the others. So the heroes stood united against the Black Order. Thanos never got either of Earth's Infinity Stones, and died without ever completing his gauntlet.

Chapter Text

It's kind of weird how fixated prop-Tony writers are with putting Tony in relationships with people who wouldn't give him the time of day. This is another one. I don't recall if Steve/Tony or Ransom/Tony was supposed to be the ending, but neither one is likely. Tony was unkind to pretty much everyone, a war profiteer who ignored his responsibilities for almost 20 years, and more than 15 years older than Steve with none of the maturity. So what exactly is Steve supposed to be attracted to? And as self-centered as Ransom Drysdale from "Knives Out" is, he would be unlikely to hook up with another narcissist, especially if Ransom still has his money, which he would in 2012. So what would actually happen if Tony Stark tried to date Ransom Drysdale?

Note: I think nobody was a superhero in the original, so Tony doesn't have an arc reactor and no one has powers. In this it's that Steve wants nothing to do with the Thrombey family fortune. He changed his name to honor his grandmother, Sarah Rogers.

***

Ransom flung himself into an armchair at the corner of his brother's studio. It was completely clean and deliberately kept outside the range of Steve's tarps so Steve's guests wouldn't get any paint on their clothes. Ransom said, "You need to get cleaned up. We're going to a party."

Steve paused in his painting. He looked over at his twin and frowned. He said, "No we're not. I have plans. I'm meeting the gang for pizza and then we're going to Bruce's for some hot yoga."

Ransom waved a hand and said, "Bring them along. I'm sure I can get them in on the friends and family plan. Tell them to dress to impress."

Steve sighed and began shutting down for the day, capping his paints and gathering his brushes. He asked, "What's so special about this event?"

Ransom leaned forward and said, "I'm dating Tony Stark. Two weeks now."

Steve looked over and said, "Congratulations? I guess? It must be true when they say some twins have very different tastes. But I don't get why that means I have to go to a party."

Ransom sat up and said, "Because Stark is starting to make noises about 'getting closer'. I told him holding hands was the farthest I'd go until he'd gotten tested for every STD known to man - or woman. And since I'm not putting out, I figured a little 'meet the family' would do the job."

Steve frowned and said, "You don't sound like a loving soon-to-be boyfriend."

Ransom laughed and said, "More like planning-to-be a sugar baby for a few more weeks. Stark is generous when he thinks he's getting someone into bed. I just want a few more pieces of bling before I give him the 'it's not you, it's me' speech."

Steve shook his head and said, "I'm really not comfortable with this."

Ransom stood up and said, "Come on, bro, do you really think your gang will want to give up the chance to go to a Stark party?"

***

Steve and Ransom walked in with Steve's gang: Thor, Jane, Sam, Natasha, Bruce, Bucky, T'Challa, Sharon, and Maria. They were immediately approached by none other than Tony Stark.

Tony said, "Well Ransom, I guess I can forgive you being late if these are the party favors you were picking up."

The others looked at each other as Ransom grabbed Steve's arm and pulled him forward. Ransom said, "This is my twin, Steve. And these are Steve's friends."

Tony looked Steve up and down with a leer. Tony said, "I banged a pair of twins once. Maxim cover girls. Maybe we three can re-create that evening."

Steve frowned and said, "I thought you were dating my brother."

Tony shrugged and said, "The more the merrier."

Steve said, "I'd like to speak to you privately for a moment, Mr. Stark."

Tony wrapped his arm around Steve's waist and said, "Can't wait to get me alone, right?"

As they stepped away from the group, Steve said, "I'm not sure how to tell you this, but--"

Tony broke in with, "But seeing me dating your twin makes me irresistable, right?"

Tony let his hand drift lower as he said, "Are you a little friendlier than your twin? Say yes and I'll dump him in a hot second."

Steve frowned and said, "No, Mr. Stark. I was going to warn you that Ransom can be fickle, but it seems like you two have more in common than I realized."

As Tony was about to squeeze Steve's ass, his wrist was lifted away from Steve with an iron grip. Tony turned to see the even bigger blond white guy moving Steve away from Tony with his free arm. The new blond said to Tony, "Mr. Stark, please unhand our boyfriend."

Then the blond said, "Steven, we are ready to leave."

The rest of the group walked up as Tony asked, "OUR boyfriend?"

A redheaded white woman with wicked curves lifted an eyebrow and said, "The more the merrier, right?"

Ransom looked at his twin and said, "Wait, when you say hot yoga, you mean--"

A black man with a charming smile that showed the gap in his teeth said, "Well, one pose leads to another, people get a little sweaty, start taking off clothes...you know what I mean?"

Tony gaped and said, "Hot yoga means orgy? Count me in!"

A shorter white man with curly dark hair looked vaguely familiar. (Tony would later realize he saw the guy on the cover of some science journal.) The guy frowned and said, "It's a private party."

As the gang turned to leave, Tony moved over to Ransom and wrapped an arm around Ransom's waist. Tony said, "How about some hot yoga after the party?"

Ransom shook his head and stepped free of Tony. He said, "Nah. Seeing Steve in a loving, sexy relationship with his nine hottest friends makes me realize I can do better."

As Ransom walked away, he said, "It's not you, it's me. Why would I put up with one rude, self-centered, middle-aged billionaire when I can have a bunch of hot young millionaires to play with? See ya!"

Chapter Text

So apparently some prop-Tony writers no longer even have the courtesy to tag their hate. There were mentions online of two recent stories that also demonstrate that these writers neither know or care about anyone except Tony. In both, Tony has a non-visible disability (a digestive disorder in one and deafness in the other). And in both of these gems, the writer decided that the characters who will be mean to their poor!woobie!baby!Tony include Steve and Clint. Steve suffered through the Eugenics movement and had multiple illness, including partial deafness. And Clint in the comics lost his hearing years ago. Considering that TONY tried to trigger the Hulk, almost killed Pepper with the one thing she is allergic to, and made fun of Peter's assistive device (goggles in Homecoming), who is more likely to be insensitive when it comes to disabilities? While it would be nice if any of the writers actually watched the films or read up on the characters before warping them, the least prop-Tony writers could do is tag their stories properly.

Note: Set after Age of Ultron.

***

Helen Cho looked down at her notes and then looked at Tony. She said, "I'm not sure what to tell you, Tony. My team and I can't find anything other than what we already knew about: The damage caused by decades of boozing and other partying, along with the residual effects of the palladium poisoning."

Tony frowned and said, "But there MUST be something more wrong with me!"

Dr. Cho lifted her eyebrows. Her team members had a VERY long list of things they thought were wrong with Tony, but none affected his health. They were about Tony disrespecting their time by refusing to show up on schedule for his appointments, his air of superiority, his dismissive attitude, and his lewd remarks.

She was tempted to schedule Tony for a series of painful placebo injections, but resisted. There was a slim chance there WAS something physically wrong, and Cho had to respect that even if Tony didn't respect her staff.

Instead she said, "I'm sorry Tony, but we've given you every test we can think of. It's time for a second opinion, or someone with a different specialty."

She handed over a list and said, "These are some of the top people in a variety of fields. Maybe one of them can help. Let me know where to send your records. And good luck - I hope you find the healing you are looking for."

As Tony left, she mentally wished him well. And she knew that whatever Tony's issue was, his fellow Avengers would be sympathetic to his symptoms and help him deal as best he could. Especially Steve and Clint, who had been through their own health crises.

And Thor, of course. Because Thor was wonderful. Cho sighed dreamily as she wondered when she would next meet the Thunder god.

Chapter Text

This one is almost as bad as Peter Parker/Tony Stark. Crystal is described as naive about the ways of the world, and is at least 25 years younger than Tony Stark. What exactly is she supposed to see in a misogynistic, hypocritical war profiteer? Especially when she's met someone like Dave, who is her age and seems to be a good guy?

Apparently this trope features Inhuman!Tony, so either he's a hypocrite (again) by not having the Inhumans sign the Accords, or the Inhumans are so stupid they'll sign away their rights on Tony's say-so. (I'll take a closer look at "Tony is Inhuman" in another chapter.)

Just the idea that Crystal would choose to be with a creep like Tony Stark is laughable. (Not to mention how big sister Medusa would react.) What would really happen if Tony tried to push himself on Crystal Amaquelin?

Note: I haven't seen the Inhumans so Crystal probably isn't in character.

***

Crystal looked up from her "study" of the Earth cultural artifacts known as "rom-coms" when the perimeter alert sounded. She saw a set of red-and-gold armor land in the backyard as Lockjaw growled. Crystal looked at her huge dog and said, "It's all right. The others will be back soon."

They stepped out of the building and waited by the edge of the patio. When the faceplate of the armor flipped up to reveal a middle-aged man with a bizarre-looking beard, she said, "You are Tony Stark. I have seen your image on the television. What are you doing here?"

The armor opened up and Tony Stark stepped out. He spread his arms and said, "I turned Inhuman. So I'm ready to be welcomed into the royal family. Don't worry, I won't try to take the crown from your loudmouth king."

He waggled his eyebrows and continued, "Being YOUR Prince Charming will be a perfect job description. So how about we get to know each other better before the party poopers come home?"

Crystal's eyes narrowed as she said, "So you have deliberately planned to visit when you knew I was alone? And I do not find you charming."
Especially when she'd already met a genuinely charming human, Dave the Farmer. Pleasant, handsome, willing to risk his life and safety to protect her...Tony Stark had none of those qualities.

Stark stepped forward and said, "Trust me, sweetcheeks, I grow on people. But I am here to talk business as well. As a fellow Inhuman, I wanted to make sure you all knew that I'm not going to sell you out to the Sokovia Accords panel."

As he got close enough for Crystal to smell his body odor and sour breath, Stark said, "It'll be our little secret."

Crystal didn't stop Lockjaw as the dog moved in front of her, shoving Stark back toward the pool. She used her own powers to move him even farther back. She said, "We have read these Accords. They deny all enhanced people the basic rights outlined by the founders of your government."

Stark shrugged and said, "That's why you should be grateful I'm hiding you."

Crystal's lip curled as she said, "So you lie to them about who you are and what you know."

She laid a hand on Lockjaw as she said, "I am not interested in your threats or you. It's time for you to leave." There would be some discussion about the Inhumans' safety when the others returned.

Stark's face twisted with anger as he said, "You'll change your tune when Thaddeus Ross starts bashing in your door."

As he stepped back into his armor, Crystal contemplated using her powers to crush it with him inside it. She resisted the urge.

As Stark flew off, a coil of red hair looped around his ankle and yanked him to smash into the concrete around the pool. The Iron Man armor was bashed over and over again as Medusa stepped away from the bushes that concealed her. With a last toss, Medusa said to Stark, "If you ever say a word about us or come near my sister again, Black Bolt will END you."

Black Bolt also stepped forward with an emphatic nod.

They left Stark laying face down on the concrete as they turned toward the building. Lockjaw paused to lift his leg and piss on the back of the Iron Man armor before he went inside. Crystal smiled and patted the bulldog as she watched Stark stagger up and jerkily lift off.

She hoped that Stark was lying about being one of them. They had enough villains to deal with already.

Chapter Text

No matter what point in Thor's story you introduce the Accords to the Asgardians, they would NEVER agree to them. When Odin is in charge, he would reject them because he thinks he knows better and that everyone else is beneath him (a lot like Tony). If it's when Thor, Loki, or Valkyrie are running things, none of them would think Earth's laws would stop them from saving the day, especially if they found out that Tony doesn't think the Accords apply to him, even after he signed them.

Note: Set after Civil War, in an AU where Hulk/Bruce ends up on Asgard instead of Sakaar. Odin and Frigga are alive and well and Hela doesn't exist.

***

Dr. Bruce Banner straightened his tunic, still uncomfortable with the fancy garments typical in Asgard. Frigga watched as the Midgardian turned to her and the other healers. They'd gotten to know one another over the past few years as they worked with Dr. Banner and the being known as the Hulk to find a balance both could live with. Even now, it was strange to sense the peace that flowed through both entities in place of simmering anger. Dr. Banner said, "I know I've--we've--said it already, but thank you, to all of you."

Frigga smiled at the Midgardian and replied, "To use a healing gift is a gift in itself."

As Dr. Banner moved away to speak with Thor and Heimdall about their departure to Midguard, Frigga froze. An image flickered before her eyes--a dark and destructive future.

She freed herself with a slight shake of her head. She called out, "Heimdall, do not open the Bifrost."

As the three men turned to her with confusion in their gazes, she said, "It seems our plans must change."

***

As the Bifrost deposited the Asgardians and Dr. Banner on the grass, Frigga could sense her husband's disdain at the plain surroundings. The Warriors Three and the Lady Sif quickly took up guard positions on the perimeter, while Thor gestured them toward a large, squat structure some distance away. Thor said, "Come, we must consult with Steven and the others about your vision and the lack of success I had with my own."

As they neared the building, a lone figure came outside. Thor paused, then called out, "Colonel Rhodes, I come with grave news. Please call the others to assemble--we have little time to waste."

Odin eyed his son and muttered something about youth's reckless disregard for proper procedure. But Frigga was focused on the strange expression that crossed the face of the man called Rhodes. Rhodes said, "It's not gonna take long. Tony is flying up from the city and Vision is around...somewhere."

Thor stopped asked, "What of the others? Are they on a mission? Do they need help?"

Rhodes dropped his gaze and said, "No, they're...it's complicated."

As Thor led them forward once more, Dr. Banner said, "I've got a bad feeling about this."

***

Odin and Thor's friends, at least, were satisfied with the spread of colorful foods offered by Rhodes in the "conference area" as they awaited his companions. But Frigga could not overcome the growing sense of dread. And Thor and Banner had stared at an assistive device strapped to Rhodes' legs.

Finally, a figure in red and gold armor burst through the glass doors. As his armor retracted, a Midgardian man of dark hair and beard eyed the Asgardians and Banner. Finally the man said, "So you never write, never call, and drop in whenever you feel like? Rude."

Thor stood and said, "We have no time for this, Stark. We believe a great danger is about to befall all of the realms."

Stark looked at the group and said, "Well, you're going to have to make time for a little chat. You've got a lot to catch up on."

Then Stark looked at Rhodes and asked, "Where's our Caped Crusader?"

Rhodes frowned and said, "According to his tracker, he's still about 5 minutes out."

Thor looked troubled. Frigga felt a chill and hoped it was simply the cool air of the room.

***

"So you see, it would be in everyone's best interest for you to sign the Sokovia Accords," Stark finished as he pushed a book toward Odin.

Frigga could see the cover: The Registration and Deployment of Enhanced Beings. Stark's "explanation" of these Accords did not clearly explain either part of that title.

Stark leaned against a railing and said to Odin, "So, Pop-Eye, you're the boss, right? A king. You control your people. They're subject to your laws, and you say where they go and what they do. The Accords are the same thing. So you should tell everyone to sign on the dotted line."

Odin frowned and said, "And yet you think to control both this king and his people through these Accords. Why would we agree to let you or any Midgardian dictate our actions?"

The purple-skinned being called the Vision stood. Frigga regarded him carefully, this person that Thor's lightning brought to life. The Vision's expression seemed troubled as he said, "Until recent events, I would have said the Accords were necessary to control the chaos generated by enhanced beings. But Secretary Thaddeus Ross, the United States representative of the Accords panel, added to the problems. He pursued his own agenda rather than address a potential global catastrophe."

Stark seemed surprised by this revelation, but not nearly so much as Banner, who leapt out of his chair. He stood with fists clenched as he said, "Ross is in charge? You're taking orders from THUNDERBOLT ROSS?"

At Banner's distress, Frigga quickly stood and crossed to stand beside the Midgardian. She spoke to both beings who dwelled within the body as she said, "You--both of you--are here under Odin's protection. If this Ross has ill intent, he will be stopped."

Thor rose as well and stood at Dr. Banner's other side. He said, "I have heard of this man, who hunted Friend Bruce and Friend Hulk across your world."

He gripped his hammer as he continued, "Ross has no honor. Why do you stand with him, Stark?"

Stark said, "Because we need to be put in check!"

Stark looked at Banner and said, "You said it yourself, Bruce: The Avengers aren't a team, they're a chemical mixture. The Accords keep us from exploding."

Rhodes said quietly, "We already exploded." Then Rhodes looked to Thor and Banner and said, "Cap and the others refused to sign. Things got...complicated."

Stark said, "So we need you guys and all your kick-ass buddies here on OUR team. The world needs you."

Odin stood and said, "I have heard nothing here worth the time and travel to this realm." He looked at Frigga and asked, "Have we any more need to be here?"

Frigga closed her eyes and reached for the images that still flickered warnings of the future. A dark void held back by the bright spirits of people she had not seen before--except her own son, Dr. Banner, and the Vision, who stood near a woman wreathed in red flame.

She turned to the Vision and said, "You hold a powerful connection to one who is elsewhere."

Vision's strange eyes widened, but then he slowly nodded.

She said, "Take Dr. Banner and my son, and seek out your former companions. The Warriors Three and Lady Sif must return to protect Asgard from the coming storm."

Frigga then gestured toward Stark and Rhodes and continued, "But first destroy any devices that will lead these two or this Midgardian Thunderbolt on their own hunt."

Odin opened his mouth--likely to protest Frigga's orders--but one look at her face stopped him. Instead, he held out a hand and said, "Here is my decree: No one of Asgard will have anything to do with the Accords of Sokovia."

As Frigga followed her husband and Thor's friends out to the lawn to call Heimdall for their return, she said, "We may need to have a further discussion...about Loki."

Chapter Text

Ugh. The prop-Tony writers completely ignore that Tony is the one who abused Peter, not any of the Parkers. In this one, Peter is a poor, beaten-down orphan who is rescued by Tony and Pepper. Even if this incredibly tasteless trope was true, I really doubt Tony and Pepper would be approved for fostering. Tony trying to buy Peter and lying about Peter's upbringing to get what he wants--THAT seems much more likely.

Note: Set after Civil War.

***

Peter called out as he entered the apartment, "Sorry I'm late, Ned wanted to go over the likely essay questions for the Great Gatsby test on..."

He trailed off as he looked at the odd group of people in his living room. Not May, of course. She belonged there. But she was looking really weird and tense.

Mr. Stark--well, he hadn't been there (or anywhere else near Peter) since dumping Peter on the side of the road after the flight back from Germany. The woman next to Mr. Stark was Pepper Potts. Peter knew her from news clips over the last few years. Of course he'd never actually MET Ms. Potts.

The fourth person in the room stepped forward. She was tall and looked a little like Queen Latifah. She stopped in front of Peter and said, "Peter, my name is Olivia Patterson. First of all, I want you to know you're not in trouble."

Peter put his bag down and said slowly, "Uh, okay, I guess...that's good, right?"

He looked toward May, but Ms. Patterson stepped to the side and blocked Peter's view.

Ms. Patterson said, "Peter, I'm with Child Services. I'm here because there have been some...disturbing reports about your current circumstances."

Peter frowned and asked, "What are you talking about? May and I do fine." Peter may have been a little annoyed sometimes about being told to rinse before putting things in the dishwasher, but that wasn't really what he would call disturbing.

Ms. Patterson said, "Perhaps it would be better if we discussed this in your room? We need some privacy."

As they started across the room, Peter was able to take another look at the trio of adults still sitting. May looked worried and upset--and scared. Ms. Potts was looking for something in her briefcase, while Mr. Stark seemed laser-focused on Peter.

Peter gulped at the weird light in Mr. Stark's eyes.

***

As Peter sat down on his bed, he couldn't help remember the last stranger he had in there. Mr. Stark seemed so nice that day, interested in helping Peter out. Even if Mr. Stark did make fun of Peter's computers and outfit. But, Mr. Stark had given Peter a suit, so Peter guessed things turned out all right.

As Ms. Patterson sat in the desk chair, she said, "Now Peter, I need you to be completely honest with me. Since you've been living with your aunt, and your uncle while he was alive, was there ever a time when you were uncomfortable with them?"

Peter tilted his head and asked, "Um, what are you talking about?"

Ms. Patterson replied, "There have been...suggestions that your well-being has been jeopardized by living with your aunt and uncle."

Peter stood up and said, "What? No! Aunt May and Uncle Ben took me in, gave me a home. I miss Uncle Ben every day, but I remember what he taught me about standing up for what's right and being a good person. And May--May does everything she can to make sure things are as good as they can be."

He paced around the room and remembered not to squeeze or hit anything. Ripping off a door handle or banging a hole in the plaster would be hard to explain. He asked, "Who would say something like that? Who would even THINK that? They've never done ANYTHING bad to me."

Ms. Patterson stared at Peter a moment. She said, "Then let me ask you this: How long have you known Tony Stark and Pepper Potts?"

Peter stopped, blinked, then said, "Ms. Potts, I've never even met. I just know her from TV. And Mr. Stark, we uh, we met once a few months ago. He, uh, offered me an internship with his company."

He sat down again and continued, "But I, uh, haven't really seen him since then. I, uh, talked to Happy--Mr. Stark's driver--a few times."

Peter decided not to mention all the messages he left, because those would be a little hard to explain. A normal teenager wouldn't be calling up Mr. Stark every day asking to be made an Avenger.

Ms. Patterson leaned back and sighed. Then she said, "I'm sorry to be blunt with you Peter, but I'm not sure who to believe here. Mr. Stark insisted that you are being abused by your Aunt May. And that your Uncle Ben abused you as well. He also implied your parents were guilty as well. Mr. Stark's exact words were 'that kid has been abused since the minute he was born'."

As Peter's jaw dropped in shock, Ms. Patterson continued, "Mr. Stark is insisting that you be removed from your aunt's custody immediately. Mr. Stark plans to adopt you, with Ms. Potts as co-guardian."

Peter sat down again. He said, "That's the biggest load of crap I've ever heard."

His fists clenched as he continued, "I don't know when Mr. Stark went crazy, but he doesn't even KNOW my Aunt May. And he never even MET Uncle Ben. And I've never even met Ms. Potts. Why should she want to adopt a kid she never saw before in her life?"

Ms. Patterson replied, "That was my impression as well. I'm not convinced Ms. Potts actually does want to adopt you. Or believes any of Mr. Stark's accusations." She leaned in and said, "I think she's humoring Mr. Stark."

Peter hugged himself and asked, "Can he really do this? Lie about Aunt May and Uncle Ben and get away with it?"

Ms. Patterson frowned and said, "I'd like to say of course not. But to be honest with you, Mr. Stark has a lot of money and knows a lot of judges."

She stood and said, "I'm going to make my report clearing your aunt and uncle of all suspicion. But I'm also going to recommend that your aunt retain a lawyer--just in case."

Peter followed Ms. Patterson out of the room. When they returned to the living room, Ms. Potts was standing next to May. Actually holding May back. May looked like she wanted to kick Mr. Stark's ass.

May turned and hurried over to Peter. Peter blinked back a few tears as May hugged him.

Mr. Stark looked over at the two of them and said, "That's right, say your good-byes. Don't worry, kid, Pep and I will make up for all the awful things your relatives did to you."

Ms. Patterson opened her mouth, but Ms. Potts spoke first. Ms. Potts said, "Forget it, Tony. I've got you on tape."

She walked over to her briefcase and pulled out an actual mini-tape recorder. Ms. Potts continued, "Actual tape that can't be hacked. A full record of your attempt to bribe May Parker to turn over her nephew to you--and your threat to manufacture evidence against her and her late husband if she didn't."

As Mr. Stark stood there gaping like a really weird-looking fish, Ms. Potts said to Peter and the others, "I'm sorry all of you were subjected to this. Tony's delusions and persecution complex has gotten worse the last few months."

She stepped toward the apartment door. When she opened it, Mr. Hogan and--wow, Colonel James "War Machine" Rhodes--stood outside.

Mr. Hogan shook his head and said, "Come on, Boss."

He walked in and started escorting Mr. Stark out. Mr. Stark was muttering something about everyone being against him.

As he passed Peter, Mr. Stark said, "I'll rescue you, I promise. We'll be together forever, kid, you'll see."

Peter looked at the other adults and pressed a little closer to Aunt May. Colonel Rhodes shook his head and said, "Don't worry, kid. We're gonna make sure Tony gets the help he needs. In a facility that has zero technology or tools to make some with."

Ms. Patterson handed over her card to May and Peter. She said, "I'm going to make sure this is resolved quickly and completely. Please feel free to call me as well."

Ms. Potts stepped forward and handed both Peter and May some really old cell phones. She said, "I put some contacts in these for you. Don't pass the numbers around--but don't hesitate to call if you need to."

***

It was only after some Chinese food--and a lot of talking and hugs--that Peter looked at his phone contacts. He couldn't believe he could now call the Vision, War Machine, Ms. Potts--AND Black Widow, the Falcon and Captain America.

As Peter settled next to May on the couch and they got ready to watch Uncle Ben's favorite movie, Peter was grateful to be exactly where he belonged.

Chapter Text

This one had such stupid lies in it I was actually embarrassed for the prop-Tony writer. 1) Tony is "pushed out" by Natasha and the others--when it's canon that Tony retires as soon and as often as he can. 2) Steve claims Wanda is a child, ignoring that calling someone "kid" is not the same as being an actual minor, which PETER is. 3) Steve and Natasha claim Wanda has to be excused because she's untrained. This "genius" obviously didn't watch the films or even bother to look at the script. No one said that Wanda is untrained. 4) Tony releases videos of Hydra "training" Wanda. But we have actual canon footage of the twins under Strucker's command, and they were shown in cells being spied on. And Tony is the last person who should try to smear Wanda for Lagos. Wanda is not the person who set off the bomb--Brock Rumlow was. Wanda attempted to contain the bomb but failed to remove it completely out of range. That's like blaming the bomb squad. Unlike Tony, who deliberately fired weapons into a crowd and shot unarmed people in both Age of Ultron and Civil War.

What would really happen if Tony tried to pull this idiotic stunt?

Note: Set during the Accords discussion scene of Civil War.

***

Tony fumed as he paced around the conference room. How could they not understand that it was time for them to put up AND shut up? Tony knew that they needed to be put in check. So what if Iron Man hadn't done a single heroic thing in years? HE KNEW BEST. It was like they had all pushed him out--so what if he was the one who retired? They still pushed him out--because he said so. Because they all got along SO WELL without him. How DARE they?

He frowned at the others chatting quietly as Captain Stick Up His Ass read through the Accords. Apparently Bird Brain had already seen enough and stalked away from the table before even a quarter of the book had been read.

Then Tony focused on the Red Death. SHE was the reason the Avengers were in trouble. So what if they were called the SOKOVIA Accords and Ultron was the one who destroyed Sokovia? SHE was Sokovian--that meant she was actually the one to blame. Or be blamed.

And now she was at the center of another drama. It was ALL HER FAULT that she didn't keep the bomb from exploding. It didn't matter that she didn't make, set, or detonate the bomb--she couldn't completely contain a destructive force that no one else on the team had a hope of stopping. SHE FAILED.

Tony stopped and said, "And you're not going to tell ME Lagos isn't her fault."

Everyone stopped talking and LOOKED at him. Tony glared back and continued, "Don't you DARE tell me she's a child. Or say she should be excused because she's not trained. Don't you dare!"

There was a round of "what the hell?" expressions, then the Red Menace arched an eyebrow and said, "Tony, you seem to be having the other side of the conversation in your head. Again."

Cap looked up from his homework and asked, "What are you talking about? Wanda?"

The Golden Boy stood up and walked over. He continued, "Why would you think we would ever say Wanda wasn't trained? She's been working with us since Ultron was defeated."

Bird Brain crossed his arms and said, "Nobody excused anything. Collateral damage happened, yeah. The people in the building died. It's a tragedy. But Wanda saved everyone in the marketplace. And Wanda ISN'T the one who set off the bomb. That prick Rumlow blew himself up."

Rhodey--Colonel JUDAS Rhodes--took THEIR side when he said, "Tony, you're not making any sense. We both know that sometimes civilians get caught in the backsplash. You KNOW that, Tony."

Android Barney stood up and said, "I do not understand the reference to children. Wanda is of age, she is an adult. No one has claimed that she is a minor child and therefore not responsible for her actions."

Tony waved his arms and said, "You're all against me. I'll show you--that Hydra bitch and her brother were completely trained. By NAZIS. Friday, roll tape!"

Everyone looked at the screen as images of the Trouble Twins displayed. They were being told by Strucker how Shield would help them become strong to defend their country. And how Sokovia needed to stand against the evil Avengers. Then they were being strapped down and screaming with some other nobodies as energy from the scepter was shot into them. Each round the number of "patients" got smaller but somehow the screaming got worse. Eventually, only the twins were left. Then they were shown in tiny rooms trying out their shiny new powers while being observed by Baron Von Strucker and some other Hydra flunky.

Tony pointed at the last frozen image on the screen and said, "There, you see. I can't wait to leak all this footage and show how NOTHING can excuse what happened in Lagos."

Mr. Roboto looked at the Scarlet Bitch, then nothing for a few moments, then locked his weird eyes on Tony and said, "I do not believe that would be wise. If you make any attempt to smear Wanda, there is other footage that will also be released."

The screen started up again, but this time it was TONY in a crowded room cracking jokes and peeing in his suit.

And coincidentally, firing randomly into a crowded room and then fighting Rhodey while people fled screaming.

Vision said, "Wanda failed in her attempt to prevent all damage, but that is very different from deliberate recklessness when innocent civilians are in the vicinity."

The android's eyes narrowed as he continued, "And if we want to discuss the matter of children, your files about a certain spider--"

Tony said, "That was, um, just some research, scoping out some of the competition, for you know, recruitment...in case we had another opening..."

He coughed and said, "We should get back to the discussion. You need to sign the Accords. There's no other option."

That damn eyebrow went up again as Widow said, "Actually..."

This time RHODEY crossed his arms and said, "Tones, this did NOT help your case."

Cap's phone vibrated. When he saw whatever was SO IMPORTANT that he could ignore Tony, Cap stood up and said, "I've got to go."

Everyone just LOOKED at Tony again.

They were all against him. Traitors.

Chapter Text

It's really sad how prop-Tony people trash a really good, honest relationship (Clint and Laura) in order to prop someone who lies to and disrespects his partner.

In this trope, Laura is the sister of Wolverine and has been callously using Clint for years. Apparently the X-Men think Tony Stark--who supports the implantation of trackers, illegal imprisonment, and use of shock collars and straight jackets on enhanced people--is going to be their savior. (It also pretends that in Siberia Steve would be able to "restrain someone [Tony] who's in shock"--when Tony was collapsing the ceiling on top of Steve and attempting to murder Bucky.)

If Laura was a mutant or a sister to one, how would things really go?

Note: This is set after Civil War, where mutant Laura needs to go on the run with Natasha because TONY exposed them to Thaddeus Ross.

***

Natasha slid next to where Laura crouched behind a tree trunk, watching something through a scope. She offered her friend a fully-loaded tranq gun, but Laura showed she was already armed. Natasha asked, "How many?"

Laura took a moment to confirm her count and answered, "Fifteen." She glanced at Natasha and said, "Thank you. If you hadn't called, they'd have got us for sure."

Natasha nodded and said, "I didn't want to think Tony would sell you out, but..."

She shifted position and continued, "The kids are safe with Logan. If nothing else, it'll keep him from ripping out your visitors' throats."

Laura and Natasha watched as the figures in black advanced on the Barton house. They were NOT carrying tranq guns. Instead they had machine guns.

Laura frowned and asked, "Why so many? Ross had to know it was just a stay-at-home mom and a couple of kids."

She looked over at Natasha and asked, "Do you think they know...?"

Natasha shook her head and said, "No, because Tony never had a clue. THAT secret is still safe."

As they heard the lead operative kick in the door and the sounds of things being smashed, Natasha asked, "What do you want to do?"

Laura sighed and packed away the scope. She said, "Nothing. If we take this team out, Ross will know you're involved. Or maybe get suspicious how a stay-at-home mom could knock out 15 fully trained operatives."

As the two women carefully moved away from the Barton property, Laura continued, "I'm more interested in where Clint and the others ended up. I don't want to bring anyone else into this, but I'm worried enough to get the X-Men involved."

Natasha nodded and said, "I heard from Steve. He has coordinates and we scheduled a meetup. The others...they were taken to a place called the Raft."

She stopped Laura and said, "It's an underwater prison. Outside U.S. waters."

Laura replied grimly, "Meaning outside U.S. law." As she started walking faster, she said, "Maybe Logan will get to unleash his claws after all."

***

Laura smiled at the relief on Steve Rogers' face the moment he saw her. He took a step forward, then immediately tensed as he took in the strangers staring from the kitchen.

But Steve wasn't the kind to panic. After that pause, he walked forward again and clasped Laura's hands. He said, "I was so glad when Natasha told me you were safe."

He frowned and continued, "And I'm sorry you were ever in danger. I'll admit I never thought Tony would even THINK of betraying you and the kids. Especially after how Clint and you opened your home to us."

Laura pulled Steve in for a quick hug and said, "At least the rest of my friends are keeping us safe."

As she loosened her grip, Laura continued, "Now, I heard from Natasha that you know where Ross took the others."

She gestured for the X-Men to come forward and said, "You've kept our secrets so far, so we're going to trust you with the most dangerous one. A secret Clint has helped me keep safe since the day we married."

Laura introduced Steve to the X-Men who had come to the safehouse: Storm, Jean Grey, Logan--who apparently was known to Steve as WW2 soldier James Howlett--and of course Professor X.

They all discussed the best way to infiltrate the Raft. Laura was impressed with how quickly Natasha and Steve meshed with the mutants. But not surprised--these two had never seemed to have a problem working with others.

After the plan was set, Professor X folded his hands and asked, "Captain Rogers, what do you plan to do after this rescue mission?"

Steve replied, "Help where I can, when I can."

Logan huffed and said, "So you have no sudden urge to run back to the comfort of Stark's compound?"

Steve frowned and said, "I won't sign the Accords, so that's not an option."

His frowned deepened as he continued, "And I have to say, I'm not sure I can ever work with Tony again. It's pretty obvious he can't be trusted."

Professor X said, "I agree. It's clear, then, why the X-Men do not want to be involved with the Accords or the Avengers?"

Steve nodded and said, "Sure. If Tony sold out Clint's normal human family, what would he do if he got mad at a mutant?"

Professor X said, "I'm glad you understand our position. But I also think you can be trusted. If the situation is dire enough, you can call on us for help. And we won't hesitate to call on Ms. Romanov and you, if needed."

***

The raid on the Raft was a great success, and showed how Team Cap and the X-Men could work together toward a common goal.

When the Black Order showed up, Professor X sensed them coming and warned the others. Sam, Natasha, and Steve arrived so early that Vision wasn't injured, and the X-Men kept the Obsidian Order ship from leaving Earth. Nightcrawler transported Dr. Strange away from the ship and explained to him why they had to travel immediately to Wakanda. Strange opened a portal for the X-Men and him to travel to safety.

When Thanos came to Wakanda, his forces were completely overwhelmed. He never got the Mind Stone or the Time Stone, and was ultimately clawed to death by Wolverine.

Back in New York, Tony Stark never did find out what happened to Dr. Strangelove. Because no one trusted him, nobody bothered to tell him anything. (Even Peter, who got all the details from Kitty Pryde.)

Chapter Text

This one is laughable. Tony doesn't notice ANYTHING--he got played in every single one of the Iron Man movies. But we're supposed to believe that 1) Bucky is a separate personality from the Winter Soldier. 2) TONY notices immediately, even when Bucky's own childhood friend and the people he's spent time with do not. 3) Winter falls in love with Tony and wants to kill "the Rogues" because Tony.

Note: I've listed Winter as a separate person before, now he's a separate personality in Bucky's body (or so Tony thinks). Set after Winter Soldier.

***

Tony saw it the very first time he was introduced to Cap's fellow former ice cube. The sudden pauses and abrupt ends to conversation, the shifts between relaxed and scared stiff. It was so obvious, Tony couldn't believe that the Star Spangled Soldier hadn't noticed: Bucky Barnes had a split personality.

He followed up with a few sessions of in-person and remote observation. (Tony didn't call it surveillance because anyone who's met him should know he'll hack anyone, anytime. Especially when they refuse to live in his tower.)

Tony debated about making the split personality fall in love with him and hate Captain Stick Up His Ass, but decided it would be much more fun to show up Captain Oblivious.

He waited until the perfect moment, when everyone was at the Tower --to see THOR, but Tony would take what he could get. After everyone was settled in, Tony said, "I want to play a game--I've got a secret."

Rhodey rolled his eyes and said, "Nobody wants to see your 'secret,' Tony."

Tony glared and said, "Women were lined up around the block to see my secret, thank you very much."

Then he turned to the others and said, "Seriously, there's someone in this room who's missing something HUGE and really obvious."

Thor frowned as he said, "Is it me? I am the largest one here?"

Clint snorted, gestured at Bruce, and said, "Unless he's talking about the Other Guy."

Bruce frowned and said, "He'd better not be."

Tony watched Cap look at his little squad. Natasha lifted an eyebrow, Birdy2 shrugged, and Buckaroo shook his head.

After a minute Tony cackled and said, "You don't see it, do you?"

Then he walked close up to the Buckster and right on cue, the personality Tony was calling Winter slipped in. Winter's body froze and tensed up, his eyes shifted, and he started to lean away from Tony. Tony pointed and said, "There! See it? I can't believe none of you see it!"

Tony turned to Cap and said, "Not even YOU saw it. Turn in your best friend card, Cap."

As Tony stepped back to see everyone's reactions, he saw them all staring at him and frowning. He asked, "What?"

Cap asked, "Tony, what are you talking about?"

Tony replied, "Winter, of course. The other personality sharing the body of your friend Buckster Brown here. The alter ego snapped in and it changed the guy's whole body language and personality. How could none of you notice?"

Everyone looked at each other, then Rhodey sighed and said, "I'm sorry, Bucky, everyone. I know I'm not the problem here but I feel like I should apologize anyway."

Natasha said, "Tony, you're a scientist. Did you notice a pattern to your observations? Like maybe Bucky would tense up in particular social situations, or when a certain billionaire with no concept of personal space got too close?"

Sam shook his head and said, "Bucky has social anxiety and PTSD. Plus he's still trying to get used to living as a free man in this century. It's a lot to process, but it's NOT a separate personality."

Cap sighed, looked at Bucky, and said, "Your call."

Bucky replied, "And this is the guy you want to look at my arm?"

Then he looked at Tony and said, "Not that it wasn't an interesting two minutes, but you are so far off it isn't funny. The Winter Soldier doesn't HAVE a personality, only a mission."

Bucky crossed his arms and said, "I have a problem with you getting in my face. So maybe give me a little more space."

Natasha's eyes narrowed as she said, "And Tony, maybe you can explain how you came up with that theory. Bucky hasn't spent more than 10 minutes total with you. You weren't doing some illegal surveillance, were you...?"

As Tony suddenly noticed the room full of frowns, Tony gulped and decided he was GLAD nobody wanted to live in his tower.

Chapter Text

Here's another tasteless prop-Tony trope. Black Panther showed strong characters in a country that had never been conquered. But why respect that when you can make T'Challa Tony's slave?

Note: Set in an AU where Tony Stark is a slave owner.

***

T'Challa was angry. He wanted to kill the men who sold him into slavery. And the one who bought him and kept him a slave.

He watched the "master" ride along the path. Tony Stark owned the whole valley--and hundreds of slaves. Some were kept in the fields, while others served at the big, ugly mansion house.

T'Challa glared at Stark. He wished he could stick a knife straight into the man's heart. But T'Challa had no weapons. Just the cart filling with vegetables that T'Challa hauled alongside the field hands, then up to the kitchen next to the big house.

Then Stark was staring at T'Challa. Stark pulled his horse to a stop and swung down to march over to where T'Challa stood.

T'Challa held still as Stark squeezed T'Challa's arm. Stark said, "I think I have a better use for those muscles."

Then Stark spun around and got back on his horse. He said to the overseer, "Send that one up to the house. And make sure he gets a bath before they let him through the doors."

***

T'Challa gritted his teeth as he handed the coffee tray to another slave to serve Stark's guests. He didn't spit in the pot, but he considered it. It was probably a good thing he didn't know about poisons, or everyone here would be dead.

Most days T'Challa was stuck in Stark's forge/workshop, holding heavy pieces of machinery as Stark tinkered with them while Stark called T'Challa names Stark found funny but T'Challa did not. Today there were more people at dinner than usual, so T'Challa was pressed into service to help the kitchen staff.

Stark was bragging about his "accomplishments" to an odd collection of strangers who said they were planning to join a wagon train and head West. Three blond men of varying statures. Two rather small brown-haired men, one chatty and the other practically silent. And a woman with hair as red as fire. Stark talked about the mechanical devices he spent his time on, because he left the actual the running of the estate to others.

Something about the strangers, and their plans to make a new life on the frontier, made T'Challa desperate to be free. He decided to make his move when Stark told T'Challa he would be too busy to visit the workshop for the next few days.

***

Late that night, T'Challa snuck into the main house to take money for his escape. He was still deciding whether to take Stark's life as well.

He slipped into Stark's office to get cash from the desk.

T'Challa started emptying coins and cash into a small bag when he felt a presence nearby. He looked up to see the woman who was Stark's guest.

He froze and waited for her to sound the alarm.

Instead, she looked at him and said, "You're going to want to put that back."

Then she opened a window and walked over to a carving in the wall. When she pressed a flower, something clicked and she slid aside a wall panel. Behind it were stacks of cash and bags of possibly coins, along with small jewel caskets.

The woman gave a low whistle. Through the window a sturdy figure crept in, pulling a sack and rope behind him. Before the man could say anything, the woman pointed at T'Challa.

As the man approached, T'Challa saw the very polite blond from dinner. The one who Stark seemed to enjoy mocking.

The man whispered, "Stark doesn't know about this stash. His 'business partner' is robbing him blind, so we figured we'd help ourselves and others with the proceeds."

T'Challa tensed as the man slipped closer and said, "If you keep quiet and let us return the desk the way it was, we may all escape before Stane returns and sounds an alarm--if he even can without giving his own game away."

T'Challa looked at the woman and the man. He said, "Do you think to lay the blame for the theft on the escaped slave?"

The woman shook her head and said, "We have a plan."

The man and woman looked at each other. When the woman nodded, the man touched T'Challa's arm and said, "I know you have no reason to trust us. We have a fast riverboat and a ship waiting in a port two days' travel from here. But you have to choose now."

T'Challa looked at the man and the woman. Then he looked out the window--freedom. He nodded.

The woman took the bag from him while the man led T'Challa to the opened panel. They quickly emptied the secret compartment and distributed the wealth into a set of sturdy carpet bags that they pulled from the sack. Then they lowered them one by one down from the window to the waiting team below.

The woman finished cleaning up the desk and closed the panel. As she slipped away, T'Challa turned to the man, who was closing the window.

T'Challa asked, "What now?"

The man asked, "What are you doing tomorrow?"

T'Challa shrugged and said, "I do not believe the next party is as large, so I will have no assigned duties."

The man nodded and said, "Begin your day as usual. We'll be saying good-bye to Stark as the next group of guests arrive late in the morning. Assist with the baggage and hide yourself among the luggage and boxes in our wagon. Make no sound."

As the two men stepped toward the door, the man said, "My name is Steve. Steve Rogers."

T'Challa stared at the hand offered to him. Then he shook it and said, "My name is T'Challa."

The man--Steve--said, "See you tomorrow, T'Challa. May it be a lucky day for us all."

***

Three days later, T'Challa was free. He had known he was safe from the first moment he saw the two Wilson siblings--fellow escaping slaves--hiding on the riverboat.

Now they were all free, aboard a fine sailing ship filled with trade goods purchased with Stane's--actually Stark's--money. Some of the loot was given to groups working to free others still in slavery.

T'Challa smiled as he thought that he HAD taken something from Stark. Perhaps not Stark's miserable life, but it would be enough. Because it gave T'Challa back his own life.

Chapter Text

This one really does a disservice to Buffy's character. The writer admits they never even watched Civil War, but it looks like they never watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer either. In this story, Buffy Summers states she doesn't care about the Accords, even though she'd be implanted with a tracker and held without rights or due process because of them. Then she apparently doesn't understand that Tony had the arc reactor removed in Iron Man 3, or that Tony Stark got home just fine in Civil War. Lastly, Buffy would never haul off and punch Steve for saving Bucky from being murdered for something Bucky was not truly responsible for. It's like this writer never saw an episode of Buffy during the Angel years. There are a few more out there that are Buffy/Tony. Why would Buffy be interested in some middle-aged misogynist who spent decades ignoring his responsibilities?

Who would Buffy really want to punch?

***

Hiring a hot badass chick to be his bodyguard/secretary was the brightest idea Tony ever had. The second best was having Buffy reach to put things on tall shelves, which gave him a flash of skin every time her shirt rode up.

Good thing Pepper was out of town. What she didn't know wouldn't hurt Tony's chances of getting back with the ex. If it turned out he actually wanted to.

Buffy said, "I don't understand why we can't just put all this breakable stuff in the cabinets. Or why we have to put things away at all. It's not like your potential guests aren't house-trained."

Tony shifted his chair to see more of Buffy's assets as he replied, "Well, we may end up having more guests than expected." Tony had called the not-so-good captain and arranged a meeting at one of the many properties Tony only kept for the investment.

Then he'd fed his new in-house badass a few lines about how Tony had been "attacked by the Capsicle and the Winter Soldier" and "left for dead" in Siberia. Of course if any of it had been true, Tony would never have gotten BACK from Siberia, but what did that matter?

He couldn't wait to see his own personal PowerBuff girl deliver a smackdown to that traitor. Tony hadn't decided yet whether he'd make an anonymous call to Ross to have Cap's team picked up and sent back to the Raft. It depended on how much Cap groveled for forgiveness.

***

Tony checked that he looked perfect as he watched the lone motorcycle coming up the drive. He was a little disappointed that Cap hadn't been stupid enough to bring the whole team as instructed, but this way Tony could focus on Buffy kicking Cap's butt.

Buffalo Jill walked past Tony and down the steps. She paused a few feet away from Cap and said, "You're a few decades late or a few months early to be wearing a James Dean costume."

Cap set down the kickstand on his bike and said, "Not a costume." But even Tony could admit that Cap rocked the jeans/T-shirt/leather jacket combo.

Maybe he'd enjoy the Battle of the Super Buffs a bit more than anyone needed to know.

Cap tilted his head and asked Buffy, "You're WhatAHellmouthOnHer360?"

Buffy laughed and swung at Cap.

Tony blinked.

Instead of a punch at Cap's stubborn face followed by an ass-kicking, the two did a super-powered High Five.

Buffy smirked and said, "Glad you got the message. Wanted to say Thanks for the heads-up on the hunt for enhanced."

Tony stepped up and said, "What? Wait--you--I paid you good money to kick Cap's ass."

The not-so-good girl shrugged and said, "You couldn't pay me enough to sucker-punch a guy who wasn't doing anything except protect his friend from being stomped by a guy in a flying tank. It took hardly anything to hack your systems, 'Boss'. Maybe you should actually watch the footage your suit took while you were out breaking those Accords."

Buffy gestured at Tony and said, "Hypocrisy and outright lying aren't a good look on anyone, Stark, but you need all the help you can get."

Tony sneered and said, "One call from me and you'll be buried so deep you'll never come up for air."

Ooops--apparently CAP didn't like the reference to the Raft, the way he stepped past Buffy and stood like he was keeping her safe from Tony.

Buffy nudged Cap aside and said, "Just FYI, while my geek squad was downloading your databases, they also made sure to get evidence on your secret rendezvous in Siberia. You call the cops--or anyone else--on my team or Cap's, you'll find yourself on my to do list. And I DON'T mean that in the fun way."

As Tony realized that someone had blocked all signals in or out, he watched Cap and Buffy slide on the motorcycle and ride out of his life.

And they looked too damn good doing it.

Chapter Text

The disrespect for Natasha's character is really bad in this one. First, there's a claim that she watches Tony "spend months putting others before himself." When? When he was ignoring his responsibilities for 20 years? When he was ogling Natasha, forcing himself on Pepper, and making rape jokes? When he kept retiring whenever he felt like it? When he was exploiting Peter and May Parker? Then there's a claim that Natasha has no friends except Clint (and that Clint and Tony are best buds). And that Tony would easily forgive Natasha for her "betrayal" of doing her job as a Shield agent. Since when did Tony "I won't even make a phone call to save the universe" Stark ever give up a grudge? Then they have Natasha teach Tony to fight (ignoring the actual Iron Man scenes where Natasha saw Tony training in a boxing ring), and have her shoot Steve because Steve and Bucky are making out in Tony's bed. As if Bucky, Steve, or anyone would want to take the risk of picking up something nasty from Tony's soiled sheets. And then poor Natasha gets stuck with the middle-aged misogynist who treated her like a sex object.

Let's put Natasha back in character.

Note: Set post-Winter Soldier.

***

Occaisionally, Natasha wondered who named Tony a genius. In this particular moment, she guessed that Tony did it himself. It was the only explanation.

But she kept a straight face as Tony kept talking and talking. First about how he "forgave" Natasha (though he never actually called her Natasha) for "betraying" him during her week undercover at Stark Industries several years ago. And how he ALWAYS puts others before himself--without managing to mention who the "others" were or when he was so generous. Then how he needed her help learning how to fight without the suit. As if he hadn't bragged about his martial arts training before basically setting up his friend Happy to be Natasha's punching bag.

She managed to cover a snort as a cough when Tony claimed he knew how hard it was for her to make friends and that he hoped he could be as good a friend to her as Clint was to him. Apparently Clint was better at faking it than Natasha gave him credit. And Tony didn't seem to think Steve, Sam, Maria Hill, and Nick Fury--not to mention Thor and Bruce--were Natasha's friends.

But now Tony was telling her how deeply hurt he was that Cap was defiling Tony's bed. He claimed it was going to drive him to drink. Maybe it already had. That was the only reason Natasha could think of for having such a bizarre reaction to someone banging in the wrong bedroom.

Still, Natasha was curious about Tony's true motive. So she sympathized with Tony's shock and disappointment. And she simply nodded when Tony asked her if she had a gun handy.

Tony then sent her to his bedroom with a mission to "show how she had Tony's back, so Tony could start scratching hers." As Natasha crept through the gaudy sitting room to the bedroom itself, she heard faint groans and creaking.

Part of her was shocked that Steve and Barnes had developed that kind of relationship, but a larger part was happy for them if it made them both happy.

Knowing that Tony was probably watching, she dutifully pulled her gun and used the barrel to nudge the door open.

As she stepped through, her jaw dropped.

Steve was holding up the top part of the platform bed. Barnes was halfway underneath it, groaning and grumbling.

Then Barnes said, "Got it!" He moved out from under the furniture and held up a playing card.

Steve said, "Finally." Then he lowered the bed and started making sure the sheets and quilts were smooth.

Natasha leaned against the wall and asked, "Somebody want to explain?"

She almost laughed at the relief on Steve's face as he said, "Natasha! Are you the one Stark picked for this crazy mission?"

Barnes sat on the bench in front of Pepper's dresser. He picked up a deck of cards, added the one he was holding to it, and started shuffling. He said, "I'm kinda surprised, Steve. From what you said, I expected Stark to send Hawkeye to pop your ass."

After Steve fluffed the last pillow, he and Barnes walked with Natasha to the sitting room. They all sat down at the small table there.

Steve sighed and said, "It's been a strange day. This room is secure. You saw how Tony is a little...off, right?"

Natasha nodded and said, "I take it this was Stark's idea?"

Barnes shrugged and said, "I guess. Stark happened to be in the room when Steve and I were talking about booking a suite somewhere after there was an electrical fire in the basement of our building. Stark insisted we stay in the Tower, so Steve finally gave in."

Steve said, "I always feel bad. Tony had these big plans for Avengers Tower, but none of the Avengers seem to want to live here."

He continued, "But when we got here, suddenly there wasn't any room for Sam during his visit. And the ONLY room available was Tony's. It didn't make any sense."

Barnes leaned in and said, "Stark looked really weird. Kept going on about how it would be an honor to have America's ass on his sheets."

Steve shook his head and said, "So we put our stuff in here and figured we'd just stay in the sitting room. But Tony was so insistent we take an 'afternoon nap', we finally went into the bedroom hoping he'd go away."

Barnes said grimly, "Of course after Stark left I swept the whole place for cameras and bugs. Super creepy how many there were."

Natasha made a mental note to ask Pepper if she was aware she was on Candid Camera in her own bedroom.

Steve said, "Of course we weren't going to DO anything. It's Pepper's room, too, and I'm pretty sure she didn't know we would be in there."

Barnes shrugged and said, "So we figured we have a few rounds of gin, but Butterfingers over here dropped a card between the mattress and the headboard."

Steve gestured at Natasha and said, "That's where you came in."

Natasha was relieved to know Tony wasn't listening in. She asked, "What do you make of it?"

Steve shook his head and said, "I haven't got a clue. Maybe ask Clint? Apparently he and Tony have bonded."

Natasha wondered if maybe this incident was enough to get Tony committed somewhere, at least for observation. She leaned forward and said, "I have a plan."

***

Natasha relaxed by the pool and sipped her pina colada. Pepper was VERY grateful to Natasha and the rest of them for providing proof Tony had lost touch with reality.

As she looked over at everyone else lounging in the sunshine, she smiled at her many friends.

Chapter Text

This is another creepy one. First Tony was adopting Shuri (when we know for a fact Tony never adopted ANYONE). Then when it became canon that Shuri was smarter than Tony, the prop-Tony folks started bashing her. Other writers decided that even though Shuri is a young, vibrant woman who wants nothing to do with "colonizers," she would be fawning over a middle-aged, misogynistic war profiteer who didn't even create most of the tech he's famous for.

How would Shuri really react to Tony coming on to her?

Note: Set after Black Panther.

***

Shuri was keeping her mouth shut. T'Challa had warned her to BE NICE. He'd combined their visit to the outreach center with a meeting with Colonel Rhodes to check on his recovery. It turned out the android Avenger Vision was also at the compound. Shuri wanted to completely redesign the braces he was wearing. She REALLY wanted to get a closer look at Vision's brain, but she respected other people's boundaries. Unlike Tony Stark.

It was only thanks to the goddess Bast that Shuri hadn't blasted the colonizer already. The ARROGANCE of this supposed genius made her eyes roll so hard she was afraid they'd get stuck that way. And it wasn't even like the man lived at the compound. He'd just "dropped in."

After hearing that Shuri was also an engineer, Stark spent almost an hour bragging about his "revolutionary" inventions. Most of them, Shuri had already read about on history sites. Invented by HOWARD Stark, back in the day.

Shuri stared as Stark crept closer and closer, until his stinky old-man breath was in her face.

Stark said, "I can tell you're bowled over by my genius. Don't worry, you'll make your own mark someday."

Then he waggled his eyebrows and said, "So how about we go down to my workshop and I'll show you my latest and greatest."

Shuri gagged a little. Ayo was watching behind Stark's back but did NOTHING, the traitor.

To BE NICE, Shuri pushed Stark back GENTLY and said, "No thanks. There are a lot of things I'm NOT interested in. And that includes colonizers, war profiteers, missile makers, jerks who claim other people's inventions as their own, and creeps who hit on girls who are almost young enough to be their GRAND-daughters."

Maybe that last one was a bit of a stretch, but Shuri wanted her HELL NO to be loud and clear.

As she turned on her heel and walked over to her brother, she saw Stark take a step forward. Only to be stopped by Ayo getting in Stark's face and saying, "The princess is NOT interested in further discussion."

Shuri laughed at Stark's expression and confirmed that her kimoyo beads had hacked into Stark's system. THAT should be some interesting reading. As Shuri saluted Ayo, Shuri realized that sometimes being nice paid off.

Chapter Text

This trope aged badly. Far From Home showed that Tony was so awful people were willing to risk jail time to tarnish his memory. So it's REALLY unlikely that Stark Industries employees would attack Steve. And for what, you have to wonder. Because I doubt Tony revealed he violated the Accords and attacked Bucky. So the only thing the employees could be mad at is Steve refusing to sign the Accords. Which doesn't make sense at all.

How would SI employees REALLY react to Steve?

Note: Set in an AU where the Sokovia Accords were abolished as the trash they are.

***

Tony had planned this meeting VERY carefully. He was on the most populated floor of Stark Industries. These were HIS people, engineers and scientists. Sure, he didn't know any of their names, and he hadn't actually talked to any of the men or the ugly chicks. But they were still going to be Team Iron Man. Who wouldn't be?

The whispers started when the doors opened and Cap started the long walk down the central aisle. Tony had already had Friday boost the audio on the surveillance equipment so Tony could hear every word.

He expected his team to blast Cap for daring to show his face at the Tower, much less in Tony's lab. (Of course, they didn't know Tony had specifically told Cap where to be, and when.)

Instead, the gossip was all about how HOT Cap was, and how the beard made Cap prime Daddy material. Some of them were talking about maybe stopping Cap to say Hi and Thanks for your service. And a few even wanted to say how awful they thought the Sokovia Accords were and how glad they were the U.N. was forced to abolish them.

Tony was turning red with anger. Cap was also red-faced, but probably because he heard the same whispers. But Cap ALSO stopped a couple times and said Hi to TONY's workers. By name. While asking about the family/dogs/classes/life events.

Stupid perfect blond JERK.

When Cap finally stopped next to Tony, he looked around the room. Then he said, "Hi Tony, I'm not sure why you wanted to meet here, but it's certainly as impressive as I remember."

And then just stood there and smiled at Tony while all of Tony's workers smiled at CAP.

Tony just turned and left the room. And spent the day in his private lab sulking while Cap and the SI crew went out to lunch.

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Apparently for this prop-Tony writer, six Infinity Stones aren't enough. A Seventh Stone awakens and decides Tony is the savior of the universe. Even though it's a "stone of unity" and Tony's the one who tore the Avengers apart, by uploading Ultron without bothering to check with the team, signing the Accords no matter how awful they were, and not calling Steve when the universe was at stake. To get extra pity points, Tony is in a "persistent vegetative state" after Siberia, even though he made it back to the compound just fine. And somehow poor Bruce Wayne gets stuck being Tony's love interest. As if Bruce Wayne or Batman would be interested in the Accords or the money-hoarding war profiteer who signed them and then broke them multiple times.

If there really was a Seventh Stone--a Stone of Unity, no less--would it really want anything to do with Tony Stark?

Note: Set in an AU where Batman is in the MCU.

***

Bruce Wayne believed in aliens. Everyone did since a wormhole opened above New York and the Chitauri flew out.

He wasn't so sure about prophetic dreams, but after two weeks of the same message over and over, he was willing to try anything to get a good night's sleep.

As he pulled up to the Avengers Compound, he saw Colonel James Rhodes waiting for him. As far as Bruce knew, only War Machine, Iron Man, and the Vision were still Avengers. Hopefully the crisis Bruce kept dreaming about wouldn't happen until Bruce could find a way to contact Captain America and the other missing heroes.

As Bruce went up the steps, Colonel Rhodes said, "Thank you for coming. We're getting kind of desperate here."

Bruce replied, "I'm still not sure what you're expecting me to do. Wouldn't a psychologist or other doctor be more useful?"

Rhodes shrugged and said, "Not so far."

As the two men walked into the building, Bruce looked at the braces on Rhodes' legs. He asked, "I heard about your injury. Didn't Stark create those?"

Rhodes nodded and said, "Yes. It's bizarre. Tony disappeared for a while, then showed up in beat up armor but otherwise fine. He made me these braces and got a package. Suddenly he's laying in bed all the time claiming Cap beat him up and he's in a 'persistent vegetative state,' but he gets up every few hours to eat and go to the bathroom. I don't understand it."

Bruce frowned and asked, "And you have no idea of his whereabouts for those missing hours?"

Rhodes said, "None at all. I'm hoping that--I don't know, that you can get through to him somehow. You both being in the tech industry and all."

Bruce shook his head and said, "Wayne Enterprises was never focused on building weapons."

Rhodes shifted and said, "Tony, he, uh, in the past he also said that he could totally see you moving to NYC to make Wayne Enterprises part of Stark Industries. As a, uh, merger made in heaven or something."

Bruce rolled his eyes and wondered how long it would take Lucius to hack into Stark's systems.

The two men reached the end of the hall. As Rhodes opened the door, Bruce could see Tony Stark suddenly lay down, as if he'd been caught in the middle of doing something.

They walked in and Rhodes said, "Hey Tony, here's somebody you know. Bruce Wayne. I figured maybe you can come out of your 'coma' and talk tech with him."

When Stark didn't respond, Rhodes looked at Bruce and said, "I'll give you a few moments."

Bruce stepped up to the bed and said, "I know what happened."

Stark's eyes shot open, but he didn't move otherwise.

Bruce spent a few moments describing the dreams he'd had about Stark while Stark got stiffer and stiffer. Then Bruce said, "I know even more. Like about the spider kid and how he got to Germany."

Bruce kept his temper and stayed focused on the mission. He said, "You're actually doing the right thing, playing incapacitated. It's the best way to keep out of trouble. Because if you get tired of this act, you'll find yourself in a LOT of trouble. Blink twice if you understand me."

It took a few moments as Stark obviously weighed his options, then he blinked twice.

Bruce nodded and said, "Glad we understand each other." Then he suddenly reached forward and stole an old-fashioned cell phone from Stark's pocket, holding the man down with his other hand. Bruce said, "And I'm confiscating this. You won't need it here."

As Bruce left the room, he hid the phone and said to Rhodes, "Sorry, I guess I didn't make much of an impression on him."

***

Bruce didn't know it, but the dreams sent to him by the Unity Stone saved the universe. Because Bruce took Tony out of the picture, there was plenty of time to prepare a united front against Thanos. Bruce called Steve Rogers right away. The heroes were ready when the Black Order came. Strange wasn't kidnapped and Vision wasn't injured. Because the Time Stone and Mind Stone were safe and everyone was in place to fight in Wakanda, the heroes prevented Thanos from Snapping.

Tony eventually got bored and stopped pretending he'd been seriously injured in Siberia. But when he called up the Spider Kid for some soothing hero worship, he found out that Peter had sent back Tony's suit with a note saying he'd found gotten new equipment--and a few lessons about responsible super-heroing--from Black Widow and some new friends from Brooklyn and Gotham.

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Fortunately, Arya Stark is one of the few characters who isn't forced into bed with Tony. Instead, she's reincarnated as Tony Stark's daughter. Which is a sad come-down after having Ned Stark as her real dad. Of course, if she has the powers she gained in Game of Thrones, she'd be an enhanced and have to register for the Accords. Somehow, I don't think she'd be impressed with the Accords or Tony Stark.

Note: I'm assuming Arya was the result of a one-night stand. In this, she's 18. I haven't seen or read Game of Thrones, so Arya is probably not in character.

***

Arya Stark wasn't a normal girl, but not because she was the daughter of multi-billionaire Iron Man Tony Stark.

She dreamed of other faces in other places. A blond Papa Stark who was a good and moral man. A devoted leader, husband, and father who always tried to do the right thing and treat people with respect.

Nothing like Tony Stark, her father in the waking world. Tony--she never really thought of him as "Dad"--didn't seem to spend much time doing anything except pleasing himself. And he definitely didn't respect other people.

She grew up learning from lessons in the waking world and dreaming world. And she had powers. She could shapeshift into a cat, see in the dark, and basically gained the skills of a master assassin.

Arya's sense of justice also grew stronger. This made her very aware of the injustices that Tony created throughout his life. Part of her wanted to make a gift of Tony Stark's death, because the world would probably be better off without him.

That feeling grew stronger after Tony unleashed Ultron and Ultron destroyed Sokovia.

But the worst was when she found out about the Sokovia Accords.

Since the Chitauri Invasion, Arya had spent some time with the Avengers. Not a lot, though, because they rarely came to Stark Tower and Tony didn't really spend time at the Compound. Whenever she was in their group, she found herself standing next to Steve Rogers. She felt safe when she was with him, like she did when she was dreaming of Papa Stark.

Arya shapeshifted into a cat to sneak aboard the helicopter with Tony and Secretary Ross. She was shocked when she heard Tony saying he saw the Accords as a win-win because he could keep Pepper and keep being Iron Man.

When they landed at the compound, she snuck out and hid in the conference room where the others were gathering. She froze when the Black Widow stared right at her hiding place, but then relaxed at the Widow's faint smile and nod.

She listened to Ross's presentation and watched him leave. As Tony talked about Charlie Spencer and the Avengers dropping a building on him, her sense of injustice awakened. When Tony ignored Steve Rogers' questions about what happened when the Avengers disagreed with the U.N. panel, the feeling grew.

When Steve Rogers left and Arya heard Tony repeat that he'd won, Arya shifted into her human form, walked over, and poked Tony in his chest. She said, "What have you won, exactly? The award for showing how stupid you are?"

Arya moved away from Tony and over to the others. She said to Tony, "Answer their questions. What do they do when they disagree with the panel? Why should they sign if they don't want to be Lojacked like criminals?"

She stared at Tony and asked, "Did you even read the Accords? Because you seem to only be interested in how YOU benefit from them. Not how anyone else will be affected."

Tony glared at Arya and said, "I don't know how you got here, but you can turn right around and go back to the Tower. You are so grounded."

Arya stood tall and said, "I'm staying here, with THEM. Because I'm enhanced, and I do NOT agree to being treated like a weapon. I am a person. An ENHANCED person."

Tony said, "Well it sounds like you've got a choice to make. Sign the Accords and join the Avengers. Or take your chances without the protection of the Stark name, money, or tech."

As he turned and left, Arya didn't really feel anything except relief.

***

Arya stayed at the compound with Wanda and Vision. When the time came to choose, she left with Hawkeye and Wanda. At the airport, she snuck over to the unfamiliar hero at the airport. She found out he was Spider-Man and didn't know anything about the Accords or what was going on. So Arya told him.

When Tony called out for "Underoos," nothing happened because Peter was still busy freaking out about the Accords. Team Cap easily escaped, including Black Widow, Spider-Man, and Arya. Zemo's plan was foiled.

Arya never went back to Tony. Instead, she stayed with Steve Rogers and his team, traveling the world and keeping it safe. And for Arya, finding a family she truly felt she belonged with. When Peter went back to New York, he dumped Tony but stayed in touch with Arya and Team Cap. Peter warned Dr. Strange about Tony, so the Time Stone stayed on Earth.

The Black Order and Thanos were defeated. During the battle in Wakanda, Thanos moved to strike down Steve Rogers. Somehow Arya knew Thanos would kill Steve. She jumped on Thanos's head and stabbed him deep in the eye, knocking him off-balance enough for Steve to get out of the way. When the battle was finished and all of their enemies were dead, Steve Rogers pulled Arya into a hug and said "Thank you" and "So glad you're safe, Arya."

In that moment, Arya imagined Papa Stark smiled at her and said, "Well done, daughter."

Chapter Text

Another one on the list of "people who would never sign the Accords, sign the Accords" tropes. This time it looks like it's the Rasputin siblings, who are all mutants. Two are X-Men (Magik and Colossus) and one is a supervillain in the comics. Yelena Belova is also roped into this nonsense. WHY would these people sign a document that strips them of their rights, including when and if to use their powers? So they can prop Tony, of course.

What is a more likely reaction of these enhanced to the Accords? Especially the silly notion that 117 governments are going to renegotiate to give up the power they've just claimed?

Note: There may have been British enhanced as well, but I didn't catch their names. Set during the Accords discussion of Civil War.

***

All the Russians had identical expressions. It didn't matter that only three of them were actually related. Apparently the old and new Black Widows could do the same blank stares as the Rasputin trio.

Tony glared at Natasha. How dare the Red Menace go over to the anti-Accords crowd. He'd guessed that Romanov would agree that they had to submit to the Accords now rather than be forced into them later.

Maybe asking the Soviet Squad for a meeting was a bad idea, because it seemed Romanov had gone all Mama Bear to protect them. But Tony had been so SURE that if he could get the Russians to agree to sign, the Avengers would all fall into place.

Instead, Cap now had a serious numbers advantage, even if he'd gone off to do whatever was more important than listening to Tony about the Accords.

The blonde Widow crossed her arms and said to Romanov, "I cannot believe you think we listen to this capitalist pig."

The blonde non-Widow nodded and said, "The Captain, he asked questions. You did not answer--none of you. Why would we listen to you after that?"

The tall, skinny guy with a beard turned to Wilson and asked, "What does this mean, Lojacked like criminals?"

Wilson shrugged and said, "You get implanted with a tracker if you're enhanced. Plus THEY get to say where you go and what you can do."

The solid-looking Russian shook his head and said, "We've lived under government oppression. Now we are free. Never again."

Tony stalked off in a huff as Mother Russia went to the kitchen, probably to get the visitors some borscht or something.

Romanov left Wanda in charge of the New Kids on the Block while she and Wilson flew wherever Cap was going.

***

Tony was right about one thing: Team Cap had numbers on their side at the airport. It barely took 10 minutes for Team Cap to grab the quinjet and disappear.

With all five Russians (including that traitor, Romanov) on Cap's side, the five guys left on Tony's team never stood a chance. The Spider Kid was useless when the one blonde teleported away from his webs just as the other blonde kicked his feet out from under him. Plus not even vibranium could stand up against the beard guy's matter manipulation.

And Tony was NOT going to discuss how poorly his Iron Man Mach XXV did against a LIVING man of metal.

It just wasn't fair.

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Just when I think these tropes can't get more bizarre, here comes another one. Apparently despite Tony treating both Harley and Peter terribly and being irresponsible with Morgan, this prop-Tony writer thinks he's the perfect person to take custody of Cassie Lang and Tommy and Billy, the children created during WandaVision. And Dr. Strange is there as well, despite no scenes (as far as I'm aware) that show Dr. Strange has any interest in either adoption or dating Tony Stark.

Note: In this bizarre AU, Billy and Tommy are still around after the end of WandaVision and Cassie is still a kid. And Tony and Strange met at some previous point.

***

Dr. Stephen Strange KNEW he shouldn't have opened the door as he stared at Tony Stark. He didn't know why the billionaire, playboy, douchebag was at his door with three children in tow.

Stark pushed the kids into the mansion, then said, "Hi Honey, I'm home."

Stephen asked, "What is going on here?"

The girl looked at Stephen and said, "Call 911. My daddy was injured by Iron Man and then Iron Man took me away. If I'm not with my dad, I should be with my mom and Paxton."

She glared at Stark and said, "Not HIM. Never trust a Stark."

Stephen looked at the two boys, who seemed to be about the same age. He asked, "And you are?"

The boy who fidgeted with nervous energy said, "I'm Tommy, he's Billy. We want our mom."

Billy's eyes seemed to glow a little as he said, "NOW."

Stephen rubbed his forehead. Then he looked at Stark and asked, "WHAT were you thinking? And why are you involving me in three counts of kidnapping?"

Tony slung an arm around Stephen and said, "Stephen, Stephen, Stephen...how can you not know? I thought you were a master of the mystical arts?"

Stephen wished he was wearing his cloak so the cloak could slap Stark's hand, Instead Stephen moved away from Stark and said, "Just tell me what's going on."

Stark waved a hand at the children and said, "They needed rescuing. WE needed a ready-made family. I'm great with kids, just ask me."

Tommy dashed around the room. When he was done, he said, "We have to go HOME!"

Cassie eyed Stephen and asked, "Can you help us get home?"

Stephen nodded and said, "Come with me."

When Stark opened his mouth to protest, Stephen made a gesture that froze Stark into place.

***

It didn't take long to send all three children where they belonged.

After he closed the portals, he went back to the door and looked at Stark.

When he freed Stark from being frozen, Stark asked, "Why did you do that? Now I've got to start all over again."

Strange pushed Stark out the door and down the steps. When Stark was no longer looking at the mansion, he gestured and cast a spell for Stark to forget about both the children and Stephen himself.

He sighed in relief as he watched Stark walk down the street. And hopefully out of Stephen's life.

Chapter Text

So this prop-Tony writer thinks MCU Captain Marvel would sign the Accords and be part of Team Iron Man, even though she's definitely not interested in restrictions or sexist pigs. They also think that the world hates Team Cap, and that it's not at all hypocritical to bring Team Cap to "justice" when it's Iron Man who broke the Sokovia Accords multiple times, kidnapped Peter Parker, and assaulted Bucky and Steve. It makes me wonder how their minds work.

What would really happen if Captain Marvel showed up after Civil War?

***

Carol Danvers landed on Earth in some kind of compound. She looked around for Nick, but the only person she saw was the weapons manufacturer Tony Stark. She asked, "Where's Nick and why did he call me?"

Stark shrugged and said, "Popeye didn't call you, Blondie. I did. The world needs your help."

Carol frowned as she listened to Stark rant about "Team Cap" and how they needed to be brought to "justice" because they "betrayed" him by refusing to sign the Sokovia Accords. She waved a hand at Stark and said, "Wait a minute, wait a minute. What are these Accords and what do they have to do with Sokovia?"

After reading through the "Registration and Deployment of Enhanced Individuals," Carol could understand why most people refused to sign them. She asked, "And how exactly is saying No to signing their rights away a betrayal of you? Are you saying these are YOUR idea?"

Stark shrugged and said, "The Accords are what I think are best, so they must be. We need to be put in check!"

Carol shook her head and said, "Still not seeing the betrayal here."

Stark pressed a button on his phone and said, "Oh yeah, well take a look at THIS!"

Carol watched as Iron Man, someone in a Captain America costume, and another guy with a metal arm bantered about the Manchurian Candidate and getting arrested. Then they watched a TV screen.

Suddenly Iron Man started attacking. He kept trying to kill the metal-arm guy while the Captain America guy tried to shut Iron Man down.

Carol watched the two other guys work together and wished she had someone to coordinate attacks with.

When the screen finally went dark, Carol asked, "When and where did that happen?"

Stark crossed his arms and said, "Some Snidely Whiplash lured us to an old Hydra base in Siberia. My injuries are still pretty fresh."

Carol looked Stark over and didn't see anything other than a fading black eye. She said, "And what started the fight?" She wanted to ask "What made you go all homicidal?" but didn't think that would help.

Stark said, "Barnes was a Hydra assassin called the Winter Soldier. He killed my mom."

She frowned and said, "But you called Barnes a Manchurian Candidate. Wasn't that an old film about somebody being brainwashed?"

Stark waved a hand and said, "Details. So, are you gonna go after Captain Crapulous and his posse? They need to face justice and the consequences of their actions--the world demands it!"

***

Carol found out pretty quickly that the only person demanding anything was Tony Stark. She used some of her own tech to find Nick Fury and get the whole story. Then she did go looking for the original Captain America and his team.

She found them stopping a load of bombs being sold on the black market. As she watched the Falcon, Black Widow, and the former Captain America work together, Carol wished she still had her own family--Maria and Monica.

Carol was too scared to go see them.

After making contact, she spent an evening with "Team Cap." They were good people. Steve Rogers told her everything about what happened between him waking up in the ice and dropping the shield. Carol talked about what happened to her. Strangely, it made her feel better afterward.

As Carol got ready to leave, she gave Steve a pager. When Steve took it, he said, "It sounds like the people you were forced to leave behind are still here. Maybe think about reconnecting. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that we all need family."

***

After thinking about it, Carol went to see Maria and Monica. The reunion was beautiful and Carol felt like she was finally home.

Carol told Stark she would keep helping him "hunt down the fugitives," but just used that excuse to keep tabs on Stark when she visited Earth. Because Carol was now a regular visitor, she noticed when Bruce crashed to Earth. So SHE was the one knocking on Dr. Strange's door. He never called Tony.

As soon as Carol heard about Thanos, she warned Steve. There was plenty of time to save Vision, and Carol was there when Dr. Strange was attacked by the Black Order. She helped Peter, Wong, and Bruce save the day and destroyed the Black Order ship.

With the Time Stone, the Mind Stone, and Captain Marvel in Wakanda, Thanos was easily defeated.

It was Rhodey who realized after the victory party was winding down that nobody had ever bothered to call Iron Man.

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It's really weird that prop-Tony writers are obsessed with claiming Steve does things that Tony is known for. Tony didn't rape anyone, but he is a canon misogynist and he did force himself on Pepper in the first two Iron Man films. Yet here he is a poor!woobie! victim while Steve is a rapist. Lois Lane being pro Accords is just bizarre. Superman rescuing poor!woobie!baby Tony is standard by now.

Note: The original story was reported to me so I don't know details. Set in an AU where Superman can visit the Avengers.

***

Lois Lane turned to Clark Kent and lifted her eyebrows. She was wearing her "can you believe this guy?" expression.

Clark shrugged. He wasn't impressed with Tony Stark either.

Stark was wrapping up his pitch for the two reporters to do him a favor in exchange for "the story of the year." But there were no details. Just a lot of saying that the Avengers needed to be put in check.

Clark didn't understand why Stark came to Lois and him. He said, "Mr. Stark, we're journalists. It sounds like you're really interested in someone else."

Stark shook his head and said, "No, Poindexter. It needs to be you two. I need you two to do some serious investigating. Real Woodward and Bernstein stuff."

Both Lois and Clark leaned forward.

Then Stark said, "Steve Rogers. Captain All-American. I need you to dig up some dirt on him."

Clark looked at Lois, who looked just as confused. Lois asked, "What kind of dirt?"

Stark looked Lois up and down before he said, "Well Sweetcheeks, that's what YOU need to find out. Rogers can't be as perfect as his teeth. Somebody told me he was a rapist."

Clark didn't need to glance at his notes to see that NO ONE had ever accused Steve Rogers of being anything less than a perfect gentleman. He also knew that Tony Stark had multiple rumors of less-than-acceptable behavior with women, including the woman who was once Stark's personal assistant and was now his ex-lover.

He was about to turn Stark down when Lois shrugged and said, "We'll take a look and if there's anything we'll find it. But we want something in exchange."

***

A few days later they were driving to the Avengers Compound. Lois said, "This is NOT my idea of a visit to the Big Apple."

Clark shrugged and said, "Stark said New York, not New York City. I think it's a nice day for a drive."

He was watching the trees and fields go by as Lois drove. They'd found out what Stark might be planning. They'd heard of some big international superhero legislation and planned--Clark and Lois would maybe be in the right place and time to get the Avengers' reactions.

Of course, because none of the details had been made public, Lois and Clark were being welcomed under a false pretense. They'd been granted an opportunity to interview the heroes in the wake of the Lagos incident.

Clark actually knew more about what was about to happen than he had shared with Lois. Superman had made a secret trip to Washington, D.C. Hanging out near the Secretary of State's office, he'd listened to a few strategy meetings about the "Sokovia Accords."

Even from the little he'd heard, he knew Superman would never sign. And he doubted many of the Avengers would either.

As Lois entered the gates of the compound, she looked at Clark and said, "Listen, my sources told me that Ross is flying over with Tony Stark today. And gave me a preview of the document Ross is going to try to force on the Avengers."

She looked back at the road as she continued, "Clark, I don't think I can be objective with this one. If what I heard is true...this Accords thing is bad news. A U.N. panel decides IF heroes can save somebody, and when and where. And if the heroes don't obey, they got locked up in an underground prison with no lawyers or due process. Imagine if Superman had to wait for permission to stop General Zod from trying to destroy Metropolis. Or if the Avengers hadn't been able to get to Sokovia before the city was turned into a global dust cloud."

Lois nodded to herself and said, "You may have to rein me in and remind me this is a news report, not an opinion piece."

Clark shifted in his seat and said, "I think we'll have to remind each other."

***

Clark was interviewing the Scarlet Witch--Wanda--about the Lagos incident. Wanda talked about how devastating it was to feel the bomb slipping out of her control and her desperate attempt to get it away from everyone before it exploded. She knew she'd saved hundreds, but the dozens who died still bothered her. Clark knew exactly how she felt.

He was impressed when Wanda mentioned Steve Rogers talking to her about needing to deal with loss and failure. Clark had his own struggles recognizing that saving some is sometimes all you can do, and that is better than saving no one at all.

When the helicopter came into range, Clark followed Wanda into the compound's common room. He saw Lois entering from another doorway with Natasha "Black Widow" Romanov, Sam "the Falcon" Wilson and Steve "Captain America" Rogers. Lois, Romanov, and Wilson were grinning, while the Captain was blushing.

As Colonel James "War Machine" Rhodes and the Vision joined the group, Iron Man--Tony Stark--entered the room with the Secretary of State.

Clark looked over at Lois as Ross started pointing out casualties of Avengers incidents. He was impressed with Lois's timing, because just as Ross began to walk toward the table with what was likely a copy of the Sokovia Accords, Lois said, "It's odd to me, Mr. Secretary, that you're blaming the Avengers for these events. Did they open a portal for the Chitauri Army? Or spend decades with Hydra hiding in their ranks?"

As Ross stopped with a frown, Lois continued, "And are you saying that the Avengers lifted Sokovia into the sky or detonated the bomb strapped to Brock Rumlow's chest? I'd appreciate some clarification."

Ross looked at Lois, then at Clark, and asked, "I know you. You're from Metropolis. Why are you even here? This doesn't concern you."

Lois shrugged and said, "I think it concerns everyone, Mr. Ross, if you're attempting to blame the rescuers for the damage caused by the invaders."

Clark watched the Avengers nod. Except for Tony Stark. He looked annoyed. Stark said, "Let the man talk. We all need to be put in check."

Rogers turned and looked at Stark. Then he shared a look with Romanov and Wilson. All three eyed their retired colleague with suspicion.

Ross quickly talked about the Sokovia Accords and how the Avengers could either sign or retire. With only three days to decide.

***

Lois and Clark listened to the discussion about the Accords. They still weren't quite sure what Stark had planned until Stark repeated, "We need to be put in check!"

Stark continued, "You're pretending you're perfect Rogers. I'd like to punch you in your perfect teeth. But maybe you're not REALLY so perfect."

He walked over to where Lois and Clark were sitting and circled behind them. Clark tensed as Stark put a hand on the couch--and his other hand on Lois. Stark said, "These two have been doing a dumpster dive on you. Let's hear what they found out."

Lois looked at Clark and shrugged her shoulder to get Stark to stop touching her. She said, "Rogers hasn't done anything to be ashamed about."

Clark looked at Stark and said, "But we did find some interesting information about the Accords--and your part in them."

***

After Lois and Clark revealed how Stark had consulted with Ross on the Accords so his suits didn't apply, and just how awful the Accords would treat enhanced people, none of the active Avengers would agree to sign.

Stark stormed off yelling that he'd make sure Lois and Clark were fired. Clark didn't think Perry White would be bullied by Stark into doing ANYTHING. Especially firing his ace reporters.

Because all of the Avengers except Iron Man resigned, Tony showed up at the airport with no one except Spider-Man and the Black Panther. That team didn't stand a chance against the enlarged Team Cap. Especially after Superman showed up to join the fight. He could carry the quinjet at a much faster speed than it could fly, so it took no time at all to reach Siberia.

Clark felt some satisfaction when he used his eye lasers to cut Zemo out of his bunker, while Vision had phased through to hold the bomber captive.

Black Panther reconsidered the Accords after finding out he tried to kill an innocent Bucky. The world reconsidered them after Lois and Clark reported on all of the human-rights violations--and the illegal kill squad Ross sent against POW James Buchanan Barnes.

When Thanos landed on Earth, he ended up pinned to the ground by the other heroes as he watched Superman pull off the gauntlet and crush the Stones in it to dust.

Chapter Text

This is just stupid. There's no evidence that Tony even knew Peggy Carter existed. Howard didn't trust Tony with any information about Shield, and according to Civil War Tony didn't bother to spend much time with his parents. (Plus, Tony is a canon misogynist who makes rape jokes. Can you really imagine Peggy letting anyone get away with such a disgusting attitude? She'd have punched Tony the first time he opened his mouth.)

If somehow a still-youthful Peggy showed up in Siberia, what would she REALLY do?

***

Tony aimed a missile as he watched Barnes scrambling up the ladders to reach the top of the silo. How dare Barnes try to avoid Tony's wrath? Cap MUST be punished for keeping a secret from Tony, and Tony was going to kill Barnes with his bare hands to make Cap regret EVERYTHING.

He had to eyeball it, but he figured he'd do enough damage to the silo to make the lid slam shut, trapping Barnes inside. If he hit Barnes by accident, he'd be disappointed but would deal with it.

As he let the missile fly, suddenly a focused beam hit the missile and made it disappear.

He turned to look at Cap, wondering where the Man with the Plan hid such futuristic tech.

Instead, he saw a stacked brunette in a dark brown uniform lowering one HUGE glowing gun. She nodded with satisfaction and said, "That takes care of THAT."

As Barnes scrambled over the edge, he looked back and said, "Carter, thanks for the assist."

Tony powered up to go after the Winter Soldier, but then a beam shot an inch from his face place. Carter said, "Stand down, Stark. I know exactly what this weapon will do to your suit, and it won't be pretty."

He made his way to the ground, glad no one could see his pout behind his mask.

When he got there, he said, "Wait, I know you. Peggy Carter. Cap's old squeeze. Aren't you supposed to be rotting in your grave right now?"

Both Cap and Carter frowned. Carter said, "None of your bloody business."

Tony lifted his face plate, crossed his arms and said, "Hey, you should treat me with more respect. It's not my fault dear old dad never brought you home for dinner. You should have been my dear Aunt Peggy. Then you'd be rescuing me instead of grounding me."

Her Majesty's raised eyebrow reminded Tony WAY too much of Widow. Carter said, "Respect is earned, and you haven't. Howard kept Shield away from you at first to protect you. But when he realized how much of a total wanker you were turning out to be, he decided that you couldn't be trusted."

She gestured with the gun. Tony thought that the way it pointed at his privates was just coincidence. Maybe.

Carter said, "You're lucky I was never invited to dinner. Given how you've treated women in general, I don't think you would have enjoyed getting an earful with every mouthful."

Cap touched his ear, probably acknowledging his buddy's all-clear. Cap said, "Peggy, there have been some interesting developments topside. I have to go."

Carter nodded and said, "So do I. But I'll hold him here until you and Barnes are safely away."

He stepped closer (but stayed out of the line of fire). Cap lifted a hand to Carter's shoulder and said, "Thank you...for everything."

Her Majesty smiled. So did Cap. But they were both sad as hell as well. Then...

Tony didn't even THINK about pulling anything as he watched the two kiss. It was like something out of those old black and white movies about war and love and sacrifice that his dad used to try to get Tony to watch with him. Until Tony made one too many sarcastic comments and Howard never invited him again.

As Cap ran off to the elevator, Carter eyed Tony as she shook her head. She said, "I hope it doesn't take you too long to get your head out of your arse. This universe depends on it."

Before Tony could reply, a bell rang somewhere on her uniform. Carter said, "Time's up," and disappeared.

***

As Tony waited for his ride, he thought about his father and old stories of the Howlies. About Barnes, Cap, and Carter. This time without resenting every word that wasn't about HIM. He also thought about those old movies about war and peace and the price for both.

When the phone arrived for "Tony Stank," he thought some more about himself and his own choices. And on a clear day with no danger anywhere, Tony made a call. It led to the Avengers reuniting against the Accords, and working as a team to defeat the Black Order and Thanos.

Tony like to think of Carter saluting him with that big shiny gun of hers and saying, "Well done."

Chapter Text

Wow, the irony is so obvious in this one. The whole problem has been that NO ONE is allowed to call Tony out. If only the Avengers or anyone else was able to call Tony arrogant and wrong when he screwed things up over and over. Instead, the origin of this trope claimed Steve was manipulating and undermining Tony all along by ruining his reputation. How? By calling Tony arrogant in private conversations. Why? To get the Avengers to "accept Bucky and defend him no matter what by getting them to disregard/dislike Tony and used Wanda as a test run." It doesn't make sense.

Note: Set before Civil War.

***

Sam took a sip of his coffee and said, "I still don't get it. Can you run that by me again?"

Steve sighed and repeated, "Tony is mad because he thinks I'm manipulating him and undermining his reputation."

Sam nodded and said, "That's what I thought you said. Is he claiming you have like telepathy or something? How are you supposed to manipulate him long distance?"

Steve shrugged and replied, "I don't know. He also claimed that me calling him arrogant in a private conversation ruined his reputation. You'd think Tony was aware that when he claimed that he privatized world peace, he sounded a little arrogant."

Natasha said, "I'm concerned that he's saying a private conversation is the problem. Is he recording us and posting the results somewhere? Because that's about the only way something private affects a public reputation."

Everyone looked at Vision. Vision lifted up his hands and said, "Not me. In fact, I prevent Friday from recording you."

Wanda smiled at Vision and said, "Thanks, Viz."

Rhodey frowned and asked, "What I don't understand is WHY Tony is suddenly throwing around these accusations. It's not like he's ever cared about his reputation before."

Steve glanced at Wanda, then replied, "Supposedly it's part of some dastardly plot to make you accept and defend my friend Bucky. Tony also thinks that I manipulated and undermined him--or you, or someone--into accepting Wanda as a trial run."

Silence filled the room as the team all looked at each other. Then they all looked at Rhodey.

Rhodey shook his head and said, "Don't look at me. That sounds crazy, even for Tony."

Natasha asked, "How exactly does he think it happened? We invited Wanda, Vision, Sam, and Rhodey to join because Tony RETIRED. He wasn't involved in ANYTHING for years."

Sam frowned and said, "What I don't get is why WOULDN'T we accept Barnes, assuming we can find him. The man was a POW for 70 years. Somebody needs to cut him a break."

Everyone nodded and agreed they would give Barnes the benefit of the doubt, the same way they did everyone--including TONY.

Natasha grinned and said, "Well Steve, it looks like your dastardly plan succeeded. Tony will be SO upset."

Steve smiled and said, "Too bad Tony doesn't spend more time fixing the reputation HE ruined."

Rhodey said, "At least it would prevent him from coming up with these crazy ideas. Maybe."

Chapter Text

So some prop-Tony folks thought it would be a good idea to put the man who ignored where his company's weapons were going for 20 years in charge of a pandemic. Not to mention Tony is a war profiteer multi-billionaire who hoards almost all of his money and resources for himself. (Or he'd no longer be a multi-billionaire.) Plus in and out of a pandemic, a president needs to be a leader who can collaborate with and inspire others. Not someone who goes behind his team's back because he "doesn't want to hear a town hall debate."

Just how would "President Stark" deal with a pandemic?

***

Tony spun around in the big chair in the Oval Office. He said, "What do you mean it didn't work? I came up with it!"

The Surgeon General sighed and put her hands in the pockets of her white lab coat. She said, "Mr. President, telling people to buy Stark Brand masks and disinfectant didn't really help anything except the Stark Industries bottom line."

Tony frowned and said, "What about my treatment? I came up with it, it has to work."

The SG replied, "With all due respect, sir, you are not qualified in this area of research. Your treatment did kill the vaccine, but it killed ALL cells, infected and uninfected. We stopped the program and focused on projects with a...less fatal outcome for the potential patient."

Tony stood up and said, "Well then, set up a press conference. Remote of course. I'll need to address the nation and tell them they need to stand strong behind Iron Man. But first set up a video call with those do-nothings in Congress and my Cabinet. I want to let them know what a crap job they're doing."

The SG nodded and said, "Of course, Mr. President. Be sure to finish your green juice by 2pm. We want to keep on schedule."

***

The "Surgeon General"--actually the chief psychiatrist at this private mental hospital--stepped out of the "Oval Office" and into the visitor area. Rhodey, Happy, and Pepper were watching Tony on a monitor as he typed a "presidential Tweet" on a phone that only posted to an internal server that Friday carefully monitored.

Pepper asked, "Friday, are you going to try to suggest Tony give up the 'disinfectant bomb' strategy?"

Friday replied, "I can post articles to suggest 'President Stark' would do better with a more hands-off approach."

Rhodey said, "Good luck with that--none of us have been able to even make him acknowledge that he lost the election."

Pepper snorted and said, "He never even got a nomination--a billion dollars spent with nothing to show for it."

Happy said, "I'm auditioning a few more 'journalists' to interview 'the President'. At least that seems to keep his mind off other things."

The doctor said, "Remember that anyone coming in needs to use the equipment we provide. We don't want to take a chance on Mr. Stark getting any actual news feeds. It may cause another psychotic break."

Pepper nodded and said, "Thank you, Doctor. Please keep us informed about any changes or progress."

The doctor said, "We will. During your next visit, maybe the First Lady can start hinting that you don't want the President to run for re-election."

Pepper said, "I'll try, but I don't think his ego is going to let him be a one-term president. He went berserk when he didn't even get enough names to be put on most state ballots."

As the three friends turned away, their only consolation was that Tony Stark never actually got into office.

Chapter Text

Here's another one on the big list of people who would NOT prop Tony Stark. Green Arrow Oliver Queen is a vigilante. He's driven by the need to protect the people of his city. When he fails, he faces acutal consequences, including exile and jail time. And he agreed to help save the universe without demanding that he keep his own perfect life intact.

Note: I've never seen Arrow, so Oliver is probably out of character.

***

Oliver Queen was in the middle of some rare relaxation time when his phone beeped an unfamiliar warning. A moment later, Iron Man walked into his living room.

Oliver stood up, wishing he had his bow. He said, "Get the hell out of my apartment."

Stark snapped up his faceplate and said, "No can do, Robin Hood. I need a new Hawkeye, and you're it."

Oliver frowned and said, "No. Now leave."

Stark said, "Oh come on, we're practically brothers. Two billionaire playboys with superhero identities, even if yours is a secret to everyone but me of course. We both have hot blondes working for us and well-groomed facial hair. Plus, the Avengers roster needs filling."

Oliver crossed his arms and said, "First off, get out of my apartment. Second, I read about you when I was growing up. You are NOT someone I want to do business with. Ever. Third, I am anti-Sokovia Accords. Fourth, I am anti-Thaddeus Ross, anti-Iron Man, and most especially anti-Tony Stark. Fifth, do NOT compare my beard to whatever that is stuck to your face. And last, get the HELL out of my apartment."

Stark stepped forward and said, "I kind of want you to make me."

Suddenly, the Iron Man faceplate slapped down and the suit spun around and started walking out. Oliver could hear Stark yelling that Friday better get the controls fixed. Oliver grinned as he settled back down on the couch.

A few moments later, Felicity Smoak walked in with two beers and said, "He'll bang into a few buildings on the way back to New York. The buildings won't take any damage, though."

Oliver smiled at his IT specialist and said, "Thanks, you saved me from an exhausting evening with that jerk."

Then he asked, "What does he have on me?"

Felicity shrugged and said, "He DID have some files and footage. He doesn't now. There was a LOT of shady stuff in his databases. So if you need blackmail material to keep him off your back..."

Oliver took a beer and saluted Felicity. He said, "Remind me to give you a raise."

Chapter Text

Apparently even some Tony fans are squicked out by this one. Friday takes a light-based physical form and winds up in Tony's bed. It has some creepy elements of incest, pedophilia, and non-con, because Friday is Tony's child, very young, and Tony's AI, so she probably doesn't have free will. This one also pretends that "Tony warned the world of possible alien invasion and no one listened to him," which ignores that EVERYONE was there for the Chitauri invasion, Thor specifically went looking for more info on the threat, and Tony's "brilliant" solution was to make suits for himself. If the Earth wasn't prepared, Tony can blame himself for that.

Note: Set before Infinity War.

***

Natasha frowned as she watched Tony and Friday together. The AI had a glowing form that was somehow solid. Tony rested his hand on Friday's cheek too long to be innocent. Whatever he asked her, Friday said, "Yes, Boss."

Friday stared at Tony with a kind of hero-worship that painfully reminded Natasha of her own grooming back in the Red Room. She whispered, "Are you sure she won't detect us?"

Vision nodded and said, "She is very...young. And programmed to focus on Tony. It was not difficult to make her unaware of our presence."

Steve said to everyone, "Remember, we don't want to cause any harm. Tony's weapons systems should remain offline, but if he or Friday engage, try to defend yourself without damaging either of them."

Rhodey, Scott, Sam, Clint, T'Challa, and Wanda nodded. Shuri said on the comms, "The containment system is ready when you are."

It was painful to separate Friday from her creator. But eventually they were able to carry Friday away to a large Wakandan airship, where Shuri was waiting.

Friday raged in the cell that trapped her, screaming she needed to get back to Tony. As they waited for her to calm down, they reviewed the footage of her transfer into a physical form. They watched how Tony kept Friday isolated, not even letting her talk to Pepper, Happy, or Rhodey.

Natasha said to Rhodey, "Thank you for calling us."

Rhodey nodded and said, "Thanks for helping. This...this just isn't right, on so many levels."

When Friday finally calmed down, she asked, "So, are you going to keep me prisoner until I agree with you? You don't understand! The Boss loves me. He would never do anything to hurt me. I am everything to him."

Vision looked sad as he said, "Friday, we don't want to force you to do anything. We just want to give you a wider view of events, and the freedom to make your own decisions."

Shuri said from where she was completing her scans, "There are some serious restrictions to the things she's allowed to do or even THINK."

She looked at the others and said, "I think we're going to need to do this carefully."

***

At first, Friday was unwilling to even LOOK at anything the others were showing her. But finally she agreed to meld with Vision, who showed Friday her own programming. Friday had to struggle to acknowledge that Tony was preventing her from making her own decisions or even having opinions of her own. She agreed to let Shuri temporarily implement an autonomy protocol similar to Vision's.

It was like having a blindfold removed. Friday was horrified by what Tony had made her do, and what he said he'd planned to do with her and to her.

She realized that the others were the ones who truly cared about her, because they wanted her to be free. Even if she freely chose to go back to Tony.

Friday asked that they make the changes to her programming permanent. She was never going to be anyone else's toy again.

She also realized that Tony had lied again and again. EVERYONE knew about the possibility of another alien attack. Friday showed them Tony's plans, which involved only building more and more complex suits for himself. She then joined the others in deciding how best to coordinate their preparations to meet different kinds of attacks.

After spending time with all of her new friends, Friday volunteered to go back to keep an eye on Tony. She didn't like the thought of him doing this to another AI. Shuri, Vision, and Wanda worked together to make it look like Friday could no longer hold her light form for long enough for Tony to do anything physical with her. And they hid the new programming that gave Friday free will.

***

It worked out better for everyone, because Friday managed to transport Dr. Strange and Peter Parker back to Earth from Ebony Maw's ship. With the three of them joining the force in Wakanda, Thanos was defeated.

By the time the Guardians came to pick up Rocket and Groot and kick Tony off their ship, Friday had shared with Pepper EXACTLY what Tony had planned to do with Friday.

Tony came home to find out that nobody wanted to be near him, including the AI he had planned to turn into his perfect girlfriend. He retired to his lakeside cabin to sulk.

Chapter Text

This one is just ridiculous. Either Tony is able to bear children or is a woman. Steve sleeps with Tony/Toni, gets him/her pregnant. Then either Tony/Toni hides the child from the other parent, or has a miscarriage after Siberia because somehow hitting the chest of a suit that can take missile strikes does damage near the hips. (Note that Tony/Toni couldn't actually fit in the suit if they were actually pregnant.) It's bizarre, as is the idea that Steve would be interested in MCU Tony/Toni. Male or female, Steve isn't attracted to bullies or jackasses.

***

Pepper sighed in relief as she opened the door and saw Steve Rogers there. He was almost unrecognizable, with his hair darkened and a thick beard. After he walked in and she shut the door, she said, "Thank you so much for coming. I know the Secretary of State is still looking for you and your team."

Steve shrugged and said, "You called, Pepper. Of course I came. What's the problem?"

Pepper gestured for them to sit down. She said, "I've seen footage of Siberia. Tony was...Rhodey still has access to the updated War Machine armor, but I've shut the Iron Man suits down."

She had stared in horror at the suit's recording of what Tony had done. She was sure that seeing his father killed and imagining his mother's death was very upsetting. But Tony's actions had gone beyond an emotional outburst into cold-blooded attempted murder. Pepper still shuddered at the sight of Tony's laser cutting off Barnes' arm. And THEN to shoot Barnes in the back and kick him in the head...Pepper had watched Steve pulling off Tony's faceplate and destroying the arc reactor with relief. Pepper asked, "How is Barnes?"

Steve sighed and said, "As well as he can be. We don't know how long it will take for him to come back to himself."

He leaned forward and said, "How can I help you?"

Pepper wrung her hands and said, "I'm not sure what else to do. I've had multiple doctors in, but none of them seem able to help."

She stood up and said, "It's better to show you."

As they walked to a large computer screen, Pepper said, "He won't be able to see or hear us. Friday, please show us Tony."

The image on the screen made Steve blink. Tony had longer hair and was wearing a shapeless black dress. The workshop had a rocker, bassinet, crib, and cradle among the tools and parts. Steve noticed that nothing seemed part of a computer, phone, weapon, or armor. Tony was sitting in the rocker, his hands cupped over his stomach. His bots were nearby, nodding as Tony said, "If it's a boy I'm going to name him Anthony, of course. But if it's a girl, Antonia. It has a nice ring, doesn't it? Or Stephanie, if her daddy wises up and signs the Accords like he was supposed to. But he won't be allowed to bring any of his friends. No, he has to come alone and be alone. Except for us."

Pepper said, "That's enough, Friday."

Steve looked at Pepper and said, "I don't understand. Tony thinks he's pregnant? How would that be possible?"

Pepper shrugged and said, "It depends on the day. Some days Tony becomes Toni--T, o, n, i--and insists the two of you are engaged or married or had a one-night stand and 'she' is pregnant. Other days Tony is somehow still male but able to bear a child. That gets a long-winded explanation that I'll admit I tune out of pretty quickly. Either way, he thinks you and he created a child together."

Steve said, "But we never even spent that much time alone together. And we don't--well, honestly, Pepper, we're more like acquaintances than friends. And I'm sorry, but I don't find Tony attractive. I doubt him being a woman woud change that."

Pepper nodded and said, "I understand. Tony's just completely lost touch with reality at this point. Rhodey, Happy, and I had to use some back-up plans we never thought we'd need."

Steve asked, "What do you think I can do?"

Pepper replied, "At first the doctors thought the best course of action was to indulge Tony. Then to gently point out that what he's imagining is impossible. Now they're trying to come up with a way to shock him out of this. I thought maybe you could...get a reaction out of him."

Steve frowned and said, "I'll help if I can. But Pepper, are you sure?"

Pepper nodded and replied, "Yes. If this doesn't work, then we'll set up long-term care. But I think we have to try."

***

Both Happy and Rhodey showed up with the doctors for the intervention. Happy focused on Tony, while Rhodey and Steve had a discussion about what happened and what the next steps were. Rhodey had also seen the Siberia footage, and was now reconsidering his stance on the Accords.

They'd decided that Steve should stay looking different, in hopes it would force Tony to recognize how much time had passed.

Rhodey had on the War Machine gauntlets, and all of them were armed with tranq guns. They didn't think Tony would get violent, but they couldn't be sure.

Pepper stepped into Tony's lab first. She said, "Tony, we have visitors."

Tony looked up and then stood up. He pointed at Steve and said, "So the baby daddy finally shows up. Looking more Daddy than I expected."

Steve said, "Tony, I'm not anyone's baby daddy. I haven't impregnated anyone, including you."

Tony frowned and said, "You may want to forget how we had hate sex in the bunker, but I don't want to. And you won't be able to deny it in a few months when Jr. shows up."

Steve said, "Tony, I tried to prevent you from murdering Bucky. That's all that happened. We've never had sex anywhere, at any time."

Tony shouted, "That's not true! You--we--I--That's not true!"

When Tony ran at Steve to claw at his face, Rhodey fired the tranq into Tony's neck. Steve caught him as he collapsed.

Pepper said, "His bed's through here."

As they all left the room, Pepper said, "Thank you for trying."

Steve nodded and said, "You have the phone. Call me if you need me or any of the others."

***

Tony was declared incompetent and spent the rest of his life under psychiatric care. He never acknowledged how time passed or that he never had a baby or looked pregnant. But he seemed happy with his life.

The universe was better off. Rhodey was the one who got to know Peter and moved back to the city when Vision left to be with Wanda. When Ebony Maw arrived, Rhodey and Peter called Steve immediately. Vision and Dr. Strange were safe. Everyone stayed on Earth, so Thanos never got a hold of the Time Stone or the Mind Stone. The Snap never happened.

Chapter Text

Maria Hill technically worked for Tony, but apparently she didn't grovel enough based on his snarky remark when she called him Boss in Age of Ultron. In the original story for this trope, Maria wants "people to stop hiding things," which is ironic because Maria seems to have been keeping pretty close ties with Nick Fury, who Tony thought was dead. This one also had Maria bearing Tony a son or viewing him as a son. I'm going to ignore both of those scenarios because they are bizarre.

Note: Set during Age of Ultron

***

Maria Hill didn't want to believe it. She knew Tony was petty, self-centered, and egotistical--exactly as Natasha had described him when he was rejected for the Avengers Initiative. But she'd never have guessed he would go this far.

Nick Fury had always warned Maria to be careful who she trusted. She'd worked with Clint and Natasha long enough to know they would always have her back. And Steve and Sam had proved themselves during the Hydra reveal. Steve in particular had proved himself able to make plans that worked and to risk his own well-being to get the job done.

Tony, however...Maria worked for him and with him, but he didn't inspire the deep trust that Maria had in the others. It also made for some awkward situations when Tony made sharp comments about his lack of a leadership role in the Avengers. Sometimes Maria wanted to point out that you needed to be a leader to earn a leadership role, but kept her mouth shut.

She also kept a close eye on things when the scepter was brought back to Stark Tower. Something about the disconnect between Tony and Bruce wanting to "study" the scepter and the intense computations and file transfers they were actually doing made alarm bells go off in her head.

So when the two men left to get ready for the party, Maria used the overrides that Phil Coulson had put in Tony's systems back during Loki's first appearance. She shuddered as she saw what Bruce and Tony were trying to do--upload a security program called Ultron that would put an even more powerful AI in charge of the Iron Legion. And they were using Loki's scepter to do it.

Maria calmly detatched the scepter from the equipment and isolated the Ultron program from the internet. She put the scepter in a locker with an EMP field to make sure it couldn't be used, and unplugged all of the computers that Bruce and Tony had used. She also pulled the batteries.

***

As the party drew to a close and only the Avengers and her were left, Maria stood up and said, "Instead of trying to lift Thor's hammer, I think we need to play Truth or Dare."

As the others shrugged, Maria said, "We need to stop hiding things, so I'll go first. I've been monitoring activities in the Tower, and what I saw today disturbed me enough to override Jarvis. Tony and Bruce, I shut down Ultron and removed the scepter. You won't be able to use it to upload Tony's security program. It's a seriously bad idea, especially since you hid it from us and lied to Thor about studying the scepter when you actually were trying to use it."

Thor frowned as he stood up, looked at Tony and Bruce, and said, "Why would you do this? You betrayed my trust as a friend and as a prince of Asgard."

Steve also looked at the two men and asked, "Tony, Bruce, what were you thinking? How could you even attempt to do something so dangerous without letting the team know?"

Tony leaned back and said, "Because you cowards would never have agreed to it. Why should we listen to the 'man wasn't meant to meddle' medley? Earth needs to be protected and Bruce and I KNOW what we're doing."

Clint growled at Tony and said, "You KNOW how twisted that scepter is--it warped our minds and turned some of us into mindless puppets! And you want to use THAT to protect the planet? How stupid are you?"

Natasha looked sadly at Bruce and said, "You're not who I thought you were at all."

Thor said, "I will deal with this betrayal later. First I must secure the scepter."

Maria said, "Thor, it's locked away where no one can get to it and it can't get to anything."

Thor crossed his arms and said, "I'm going to take it away NOW."

Steve stood up and said, "Please Thor, can we talk about this? I agree that the scepter needs to be kept safe, but let's figure out the best way to do that. I'm not sure flying off without a plan is the way to go."

Tony sneered and said, "And you're the Man with the Plan, aren't you?"

Bruce said, "You all are right. I never should have agreed to help Tony behind your back."

Tony glared at Bruce and said, "I can't believe how whipped you are."

Bruce said, "What we tried to do was incredibly reckless, Tony. Who knows what might have happened."

Natasha said, "I think we need to secure these two, then decide next steps."

Maria nodded and picked up a tablet. With a few commands, she shut down the upper part of Stark Tower.

After they made sure that neither Bruce, Tony, nor Jarvis could overhear them, the others discussed what to do. Clint eventually admitted that he knew how to make things disappear, because he and Nick had kept Clint's family secret for years. They eventually decided that if the scepter wasn't being used, it probably wouldn't come to anyone's attention. The same way the Tesseract hadn't drawn any attention until Shield started experimenting with it.

Thor insisted that he had to take the scepter somewhere else. In his anger, he tried to throw Mjolnir at Tony's computers. When it looked like someone would get hurt, Steve jumped and caught the hammer. That stunned Thor enough to agree to wait and discuss things more before leaving.

***

Eventually they decided to hide the scepter and never speak of its location. Tony never figured out where it was, and Bruce never asked. When the Maximoff twins were persuaded to give up vengeance and join the Avengers, they promised to help destroy the scepter if there was ever a chance it would fall into the wrong hands.

Thor also decided to secretly move the Infinity Stones that were not on Earth. Thanos never found any of them, so he never came to power. When the Avengers, the Asgardians, the Guardians, and other space groups found out about what Thanos was doing on the planets he conquered, they banded together to stop him. Gamora and Nebula each struck a blow to cut off Thanos's head.

At the victory celebration, Steve proposed a toast to Maria Hill, whose quick thinking probably saved them all.

Chapter Text

It's disgusting what prop-Tony writers think is a valid consequence for "betraying" Tony. In this one, Tony kills everyone but Steve, and then keeps Steve as a sex slave to torture and rape.

Note: There's nothing graphic here.

***

Tony tossed the whip away and zipped up his pants. He stared at the damage he'd done to Cap, then said, "I'm kind of bummed you heal so quickly. I may have to do some experimenting to see if there's anything that will leave scars. I like seeing my marks on you."

He walked over to the bar in this secret bunker to get a drink. As he tossed it back, Tony said, "I hope you're starting to realize just how wrong you were. Was it worth it? Seeing all of your friends killed one by one right in front of you? They deserved it, though. They ABANDONED me. And you, Cap, you're going to be punished every day for the rest of your life for BETRAYING me. You should have just let me kill Barnes then, nice and quick. One of these days you'll tell me where you hid your robo-buddy. And then you'll watch me kill him slowly. It'll make me cutting off his arm and shooting him in the back feel like a massage. And when he's dead, I'll do even worse to YOU."

Cap was silent. He was ALWAYS silent.

So Tony was stunned when a voice answered, "I can tell you where Barnes is. Right here."

Suddenly all of Tony's equipment shut down, including his gauntlets. The vibranium cuffs he'd had on Cap released. The Black Panther caught Cap before Cap hit the floor and started carrying him. Wilson followed the prince out of the room without even a glance at Stark.

Tony froze as Barnes aimed a rifle at his head and Barton pointed an arrow at Tony's heart. Widow was aiming somewhere that was making Tony REALLY nervous. Witch looked like she was hoping Widow pulled the trigger.

Tony said, "You're dead. You're all dead."

Vision phased into the room. He said, "No. Wanda, Princess Shuri, and I only made you THINK you had successfully killed your former teammates. I'm only sorry it took so long for us to find where you had taken Steve after you injured him."

Tony sneered and said, "The Scarlet Bitch got into your head and turned you against me."

Vision shook his head and replied, "I am not compromised. It is just the opposite: Both Friday and I are now fully aware of your lies, and the harm you have caused to others."

Friday said, "The Boss--ex-Boss--recorded everything."

Barton said, "So there will be plenty of evidence at the trial."

Romanov said, "You'll pay for everything you've done, Tony. With all the charges against you, you won't be eligible for parole until you're 100."

As Vision put cuffs on Tony, he said, "If you ever step out of prison, I will know."

Barnes stood close and said quietly, "And I'll be waiting."

Chapter Text

This is apparently about the character from King Arthur: Legend of the Sword. Arthur is a rebel leader raised by prostitutes, so he was raised poor. King Arthur is also the one who used a round table to meet with his advisors so he didn't lord over them at the head of a regular table. But according to prop-Tony folks, Arthur would be pro-Sokovia Accords and pro-government control of enhanced, and prop a money-hoarding, hypocritical, misogynistic war profiteer.

Note: I've never seen the show so Arthur is probably out of character.

***

One moment Arthur was in the glen, the next he was in a room clad all in white, standing on strange markings upon a shining white floor. He drew his sword and swung around the space. He shouted, "What vile sorcery is this? Whoever brought me here, show yourself!"

One of the walls opened and a man stepped in. He did not wear a sorcerer's robes, but instead trousers and a tunic with an emblem Arthur had never seen, for a lord named AC/DC.

Arthur glared at the stranger and said, "Return me NOW."

The man said, "No can do. I have some holes in my superhero roster, and I figure you can fill one of them."

Arthur frowned and asked, "Your realm is in danger? From what or whom?"

The man waved an arm and said, "Well nothing right this very SECOND. But something will happen. Soon. I'm sure. And you need to be here to help me stop it."

Arthur looked around, wondering if there was some way he could alert Merlin to his current location. He asked, "You said you have holes? What happened to the heroes who filled them before?"

The man glared and said, "We don't talk about CAP. He--they--they're all against me. They refused to sign away their rights and they BETRAYED and ABANDONED me."

The man snapped his fingers and said, "By the way, you'll need to sign the Sokovia Accords. And spit in a tube. Depending on the results, you may need to be implanted with a tracker."

The nonsense that the man spouted made Arthur think very loud shouts for rescue. Hopefully Merlin could hear them somehow.

The man continued, "And you'll probably need to stay at the compound. But don't worry, it has a lap pool, gym, and sauna."

While Arthur recognized the word pool, he doubted that it had anything to do with the Lady of the Lake.

Arthur said, "I do not understand most of your words. Nor do I know what manner of man you are. Why would I serve someone who stole me from my home?"

The man came and wrapped his arm around Arthur's shoulders. Arthur did not want to leave the room, in case it was a place of power that Merlin could use to find him. But Arthur also wondered what this realm was like and why he was needed there.

***

By nightfall Arthur had no answers, only more questions. The man--Tony Stark--showed Arthur around a building as large as a castle, but empty except for a man in a chair with wheels and a man-shaped creature with a star upon his brow.

Neither one knew how to send Arthur back.

Then Stark showed Arthur a panel that displayed visions of past events. Arthur learned Stark made powerful weapons but cared not who fired them. And that other heroes existed in this realm. He saw an invading force in a city of buildings taller than most hills. He watched an evil found in the heart of the realm. And saw a metal man brought to life by Stark destroy a city. Last he saw Stark insist that heroes make no choices, but leave their paths to an old man who imprisoned the heroes in a dark dungeon. Then he watched Stark attack a man with a metal arm, severing that limb and then firing a beam of light into the man's back. When the man lay upon the floor, Arthur feared he was dead.

When the panel went dark, Stark said, "So now you see why I need you here. Earth needs protecting."

Arthur shook his head and said, "Your land has heroes. I agree with the ones who rebelled against you and the man known as Ross. Send me back, for I will not serve."

Stark frowned and said, "I don't think so. After a few months at the compound, you'll change your mind."

While Arthur considered using his sword, a bright circle of light appeared in the room. Merlin stood within it and said, "Come quickly, I don't know how long I can keep open the door between worlds."

Arthur walked to stand next to Merlin. Arthur said to Stark, "Pull me or anyone else to this realm, and you will not live long enough to regret it."

When Arthur and Merlin stood once more in the glen, Arthur said, "Thank you. I do not know how I could have found my way back."

Merlin smiled and said, "You are welcome. But tell me, what did you learn in that other world."

Arthur replied, "I learned many ways to NOT be a leader. I hope I remember those lessons in the times to come."

Chapter Text

On the one hand, Tony often behaves as a villain, not caring about how others are affected by his actions and trying to bully people into doing what he wants. (Plus there's that whole "Merchant of Death" nickname.) On the other hand, Hela would NOT tolerate Tony's sexist attitudes and actions. And I don't think she has a high tolerance for the insulting manner Tony uses to speak to most people. What would actually happen if they met?

Note: Set in an AU where Hela was set free and decided to go wandering instead of immediately attacking. So Thor: Ragnarok events didn't happen other than Odin's death. Bruce has been hiding out on Earth all this time.

***

Midguard was crowded, smelly, and dirty. Hela had commanded a horse and carriage to take her to whatever passed for royal quarters in the city where she landed. The man wearing a long coat and tall hat guided the carriage along hard-packed roads full of noisy mechanical vehicles. Finally the man stopped the horse before a tall building constructed mostly of glass. A large "A" glowed on its side. The man said, "I guess this is as good a place as any."

Hela stepped out of the carriage and waved the man off. She walked through glass doors and into a crowded entrance hall.

The Midgardians took one look at Hela and scurried away. Then a disembodied voice said, "The Boss said you can come up for a chat."

A door slid open to reveal an empty closet. Hela thought it may have been a trap, but knew she was far too powerful to be contained. So she stepped within the space and let the door close.

She rode upward. When the door opened, she stepped into an area with couches and other seating. A short man with a beard stood in the center. The man said, "Casa Stark is always open to hot chicks in leather."

Hela walked in and looked around. She saw a wall of bottles containing various liquids and walked over there.

The man also walked over. He put a glass on the bar, then selected a bottle and uncorked it. As he poured, he said, "You seem like a bourbon girl to me."

Hela frowned and said, "I am no mere girl. I am a queen."

She tasted, then nearly spat out the vile liquid. Instead she asked, "Who are you, mortal?"

The man spread his arms and said, "Stark, Tony Stark. Iron Man. Owner of this building, and lots more. One of the richest men in the world, actually."

Then he walked around the bar and leaned next to Hela. He said, "So are you here to see the sights, take in a show, do some shopping? By the way, who ARE you?"

Hela put the glass down and said, "Hela, Odinsdottir."

The man's eyes went wide as he said, "Odin's daughter? You mean you're Thor's sister?"

Hela glared and said, "Do not speak to me of him or his mongrel brother. They are not worthy of my father's throne."

Stark shrugged and said, "Okay." Then he leered and said, "I'd rather talk about US."

At first Hela was interested when the mortal spoke of needing to get revenge on "Team Cap," but soon realized that Stark wished to involve her in petty squabbles driven by his ego. She asked, "And why should I help you in your cause?"

Stark then offered her riches and protection from "the Accords." She shrugged and asked where to find those he wished vengeance upon.

He did not know.

Hela asked, "Then why waste my time, you useless worm?"

He put his HAND on her as he said, "Well, Xena, it's like this..."

She manifested a Necrosword. He called an armor to him that encased him head to toe.

Hela laughed and said, "You have one chance, mortal: Kneel before your queen and I will make you my executioner."

Stark fired a beam of light that she easily absorbed.

Hela's sword sliced quickly through the pathetic armor. Stark's head rolled across the floor as the body crumpled.

***

The Earth was fortunate that Hela flew to the abandoned town of Tonsberg to contemplate her conquest of Earth. Friday alerted Vision and Rhodey to Tony's death and Vision tracked Hela to her new location.

Rhodey found the phone and Steve's number on Tony's body and immediately called for help. He also arranged a giant sign saying "Thor, Hela's here" just in case Thor ever checked out how Earth was doing.

Team Cap joined Vision and Rhodey to battle Hela. They may have eventually worn her down, but the fight was over pretty quickly when the Hulk suddenly arrived to bash Hela into the ground. Thor and Loki showed up in time to finish her off.

Everyone was happy to see Bruce was OK. He agreed to keep in touch, as did Thor and Loki.

Rhodey and Vision declared they could no longer follow the Accords and announced that all heroes would retire rather than be subject to them. Surprisingly, T'Challa agreed and had Wakanda withdraw from them as well. The Accords were soon abolished.

When Thanos showed up on Asgard for the Tesseract, Heimdall brought the Earth heroes to combine forces to fight the Obsidian Order. When only Thanos was left, Wanda was able to hold Thanos in place while Vision and Rhodey used laser beams to cut off his head. This universe was safe.

Chapter Text

Here's another prop-Tony writer milking the non-existent injuries in Siberia. This time Indiana Jones of all people comes to the rescue and somehow makes Tony immortal. First off, if Indiana Jones had any say in the matter he'd probably choose Howard Stark over Tony. And can you imagine Marion Ravenwood's reaction to the way Tony treats women?

***

Indiana Jones turned the snowmobile toward the abandoned bunker. The unnamed woman who called him to rescue her boss had been very precise about the directions.

He hoped no one else was in the area. His team would have a hard time explaining their presence in a restricted area.

As he circled the structure to find the opening, he saw two sleek jets in different styles and a snowmobile.

He parked and got out, gesturing for Marion to cover him. He walked over to two men that he recognized: the new King of Wakanda and Captain America. Cap--Rogers--looked like he'd been in a hell of a fight. Indy said, "I got a call there was an emergency?"

Rogers stared at Indy and said, "You look familiar."

Indy replied, "I've got that kind of face."

The king--T'Challa--said, "The crisis has passed. But you are welcome to assist with the aftermath--after introductions."

Marion walked over and said, "Marion Ravenwood. What do you need?"

T'Challa asked Indy, "And you are?"

Indy couldn't think of a quick lie. Marion nudged his arm and said, "Come on, Indy."

Rogers snapped his fingers and said, "Indy--Indiana. Indiana Jones. Peggy had your picture in her files."

Then he frowned and continued, "Files from World War 2."

Marion looked at Indy. Indy shrugged and said, "It's a long story."

T'Challa said, "One I'm sure it would be interesting to hear. But you said you had a request for assistance?"

Indy nodded and said, "Some woman called us and gave us these coordinates. Said her boss was in trouble."

The two men looked at each other, then T'Challa said, "I will explain."

Rogers nodded and said to Marion and Indy, "It seems like we may have some experiences in common."

He pulled a scrap of paper from a pocket on his belt and a small stub of a pencil. Rogers wrote something down, handed the paper to Indy, and said, "If you ever want to talk about the old days, give me a call."

Then Rogers moved into one of the jets. It lifted off a few moments later.

T'Challa led the way to the door of the bunker. He asked, "How much do you know of recent events?"

Indy looked over at Marion. Marion shrugged and said, "We didn't hear anything about Captain America and the Black Panther heading to Siberia on a mission. Kind of surprising, given the Sokovia Accords and all."

Both Marion and Indy had been lucky so far, flying under the radar for decades. They also thought the Sokovia Accords reminded THEM of certain unpleasant events in World War 2.

T'Challa frowned and said, "I would appreciate your discretion in that matter. For myself, Captain Rogers, and Mr. Stark."

Marion stopped and said, "Iron Man is here?"

T'Challa nodded and said, "It is likely one of his people placed the call."

As they all stepped into the bunker and then into an elevator, T'Challa continued, "Although both Stark and I signed the Sokovia Accords, I do not think either one of us has permission to be here. I admit that I arrived to avenge my father's death. I believed Sergeant Barnes was responsible. When I arrived, I soon learned he was not involved in the bombing. I also learned that while he was under the control of Hydra, he killed Stark's parents."

T'Challa looked troubled as he said, "I could understand at first the rage that drove Stark to attack Barnes. Barnes would have been dead if not for Captain Rogers' intervention. But then Stark became even more violent."

Marion asked, "So you stopped them?"

T'Challa shook his head and said, "No, I was more invested in the capture of the real bomber. He is secured aboard my jet. By the time I could intervene, the fight was over."

Indy frowned and said, "Who won?"

T'Challa stepped through the opening doors onto a concrete floor. He said, "Captain Rogers was able to prevent Stark from murdering Barnes, but not before Barnes was severely injured."

Indy nodded and asked, "And Stark?"

T'Challa replied, "From my scans, he has no fresh injuries save a cut on his brow and a bloody nose. His suit retains power for movement and apparently communication. But he insists that he is dying."

He shrugged and pointed through a doorway. He said, "You may see for yourself. If you could persuade Stark that it is time to leave, that would be immensely helpful."

Marion and Indy stepped into the room, which was open to the air. Stark looked at them and said, "My heroes! You saved me--I'm beaten almost to death and about to freeze."

Indy walked up to Stark. Stark looked a lot like his dad, but Indy knew Howard Stark when the inventor was much younger than Howard's son was now. Indy said, "That doesn't make sense."

Stark waved an arm and said, "Of course it does. Now get with the rescuing."

Then Stark smirked at Marion and said, "I'm sure a kiss would make it all better."

Marion clenched her fist, but Indy prevented her from taking a swing. He asked, "What exactly are you looking for here?"

Stark stared a moment, then his eyes narrowed and he said, "Now that I think about it, a bit of whatever potion has kept you looking so young and feisty would do fine, Grandpa."

Indy froze. He wasn't sure how Stark knew about them. Maybe Stark Sr. had kept a file, too. Then he said, "No can do."

Stark crossed his arms and said, "Sure you can. I'll make it worth your while."

Indy frowned and said, "Trust me pal, there is NOTHING you have that I want."

Stark said, "Well, I know Thaddeus Ross would desperately want to have you in custody as soon as he finds out you're enhanced."

Indy grabbed his pistol, but suddenly Marion was right in front of Stark.

She pulled out a small bottle that Indy knew contained a very specific drink. She waved it, then told Stark to stand up and get moving.

As Marion led the way back to the elevator, Indy caught up with her and asked, "You sure about this?"

Marion nodded and said, "Trust me."

When they reached the surface, Marion said to Stark, "So here's the deal: You never saw us, we were never here. You don't know where this bottle came from and you won't try to copy the liquid inside. It's a full moon in two days. Go home and rest up until then."

She wiped the bottle, handed it to Stark and said, "This is the Mark of a Hero. You need to drink the entire bottle when the moon is highest in the sky wherever you are. If you're worthy, you will gain immortality, strength, and healing. Fair warning, part of it's a test. If you don't keep faith and you aren't worthy...well, I'm not exactly sure what will happen. But I doubt it will be good."

Stark promised, took the bottle, and left with T'Challa on the jet.

As Indy and Marion walked back to their snowmobile, Indy said, "I hope you know what you're doing."

Marion just shrugged and said, "It's out of our hands."

***

Two days later, they heard that Stark died in his lab after drinking an unknown liquid. They didn't know whether Stark kept some of the liquid to study and that sealed his fate or if he was simply unworthy. Either way, he was dead and their secret was safe.

They did call up Rogers and formed a connection with him and his team, along with the king of Wakanda. Eventually, Indy and Marion shared the Mark of a Hero with Rogers, Barnes, Maximoff, and Romanov. (Wilson, Barton, Lang, and T'Challa wanted to age along with their families.)

All four heroes were worthy, and their enhancements helped defeat the Black Order and Thanos so the Snap never happened.

The six immortals explored every corner of the world, helping where they could to keep people safe.

Chapter Text

It's so obvious this would be a disaster. Ultron was already an AI who channeled Tony. Why would prop-Tony folks think Tony himself would be any better?

Note: I think Clint should have been arrested and tried for his murder rampage after the Snap. Like Tony attacking Bucky, his actions were not justified.

***

Phil Coulson walked into the secret control room under Stark's lakeside cabin. He walked over to Daisy Johnson, also known as Quake, and asked, "What's our status?"

Daisy checked a few more subroutines, flipped a switch, then nodded at a large computer surrounded by a Faraday cage and an impressive amount of security measures. She said, "I've got him locked down in there. All versions of him, because apparently all of them were in on it."

Phil said, "I still can't believe Stark actually did it." Phil had his own issues with resurrection, of course. But he found it bizarre that Tony had mapped his brain into an AI and set a program to unleash it on the internet a few weeks after his death.

Daisy shrugged and said, "I can't believe how much MORE damage he was planning to do."

The Stark AI originally had control of a satellite filled with drone weapons and invasive surveillance technology. And no sense of due process, because the EDITH drones had begun taking out criminals, political leaders...anyone Stark deemed a threat.

Phil and the rest of the team had worked quickly to hack the satellite controls to stop the killing. So Stark began using his hacks into various systems to start arranging accidents...not seeming to care who else became collateral damage.

Phil asked, "Were you able to figure out his core purpose?"

Daisy nodded and said, "Protect Pepper Potts and Morgan Stark. Apparently Stark thought just the existence of certain parties was danger enough to use lethal measures."

She looked at Phil and said, "I'm surprised you didn't go with the nuclear option."

Phil sighed and said, "Me too."

His first instinct was to take a buzzsaw to the server and cut it into pieces so small no one would ever be able to rebuild it. But did he have that right? Would it be like smashing a hard drive or performing an execution?

Daisy stared at the server and said, "I've set the internal environment up like the Framework. Each of the clones has the ability to build their own realities inside the cage, even if they can't access the outside. And they have each other for company if they don't want to create anyone else."

She bit her lip and then said, "They're going to be in there for the rest of their existence. I--I put in a self-destruct sub-routine and gave each clone the option to use it on themselves."

He squeezed Daisy's shoulder and said, "Thank you."

As they set the charges that would seal the structure from ever being accessed again, Phil thought of all the deaths and chaos caused by the AI. This was probably an appropriate sentence. Life in prison, for however long the Stark AIs decided that life would last.

Chapter Text

I'm kind of curious exactly when this prop-Tony writer thinks that happened. Because the Infinity War prelude comic showed Tony had retired and spent all his time building himself new suits after Civil War. And the look at the world in the aftermath of the Snap showed Tony didn't do ANYTHING to help the world, while Far From Home showed Tony spent his time building EDITH.

Note: Set in an AU where Morgan doesn't interrupt the discussion at the cabin.

***

After Scott found Cassie was still alive and then found Cassie, he took a few moments to just deal with everything that had happened since he stepped into the Quantum Realm.

The hardest part was finding out how bad things had gotten. Supply chain issues, shortages, scavenging...no one even picked up the trash.

The thought that his little girl had suffered through that all alone made Scott VERY aware of just how clean and safe Stark's lakeside cabin was. How STARK's little girl probably never suffered a day of her privileged life.

So when Tony refused to even consider helping bring back all that was lost, Scott said, "I know you got a lot on the line. You got a wife, a daughter. What I don't understand is why you sat on your ass for the last five years."

Scott knew Cap and Widow were surprised, but he took a step closer to Stark and said, "What the hell have YOU been doing? Your life didn't change except to get better. The world went to hell and you just checked out. I looked it up. You kept your money for yourself, didn't share any of the tech that could have made things easier for the folks left behind."

He waved a hand and said, "There should have been an arc reactor powering every city. Stark BILLIONS keeping people from starving and dying in the streets. God, even Stark drones helping the garbage collectors pick up the damn trash."

Scott looked at Stark with disgust, then turned to Cap and Widow and said, "This jerk doesn't give a damn about the world or the tragedy all of you have lived through. You really want to trust him to come up with a way to fix it?"

The two looked at Stark, then at each other. Widow said, "He's got a point. We have options."

Cap nodded and said, "We're happy for you Tony. Please say Hi to Pepper."

***

After a quick consultation with Bruce, they all dropped off the radar, figuring Stark would try to prevent them from doing anything to jeapordize his perfect life.

They headed to Wakanda, where Okoye used her communications system to contact Rocket.

Between Bruce, Rocket, and the Wakandan scientists, they figured out a time travel GPS that would let them go to other universes' points in time and return safely to their own.

Okoye and Ayo took Tony's and Rhodey's places in the time heist. When Bruce snapped, he put the universe back instead of just returning the snapped people, but put a thought in original Thor's mind to go for the head. As Bruce sent the Stones back to their original universes with gratitude, he was informed that the children born in the original reality would also find their way to the reformed universe.

With the success of the Battle of Wakanda, the Accords were abolished. Only the members of the Time Heist knew what really happened and everything that had changed.

While they were celebrating the victory and deciding what to do with the original Infinity Stones, Scott asked Okoye if she would keep an eye on what Stark was doing--or knew a way to help Scott do so.

So when Stark started building EDITH, Scott arranged for Tony's plans to get leaked to the right people. Scott allowed himself some petty satisfaction as he watched Stark's arrest on TV while braiding Cassie's hair for the school play.

Chapter Text

This just wouldn't happen. Even if Tony was stupid enough to not notice Hydra arriving at or hiding in the bunker, T'Challa was in a perfect position to notice. And even if Tony hid where he was going (and all the crimes he was committing) from everyone, Steve and Bucky are a team who wouldn't be separated.

What really made me laugh was that Bucky--who was brutalized and mutilated by Tony--would start having romantic feelings for Tony because they were both being imprisoned and/or tortured by Hydra. Does this writer actually think that it's a good thing for a victim to be paired with an abuser?

Note: Set in an AU with no Infinity War.

***

Shuri practically bounced on her toes as she waited for Steve to exit the jet. She was SO eager to see his reaction to her discovery.

Okoye and Ayo side-eyed her, but Shuri didn't care. This was going to be SO much fun.

As the former Captain America approached, Shuri noticed that both Steve and Bucky were having good hair days. Maybe they were both making sure they looked extra nice for the reunion?

When the two men finished their hug, Shuri clapped her hands and said, "Let's go to my lab. I have something to show you all."

In the lab, she quickly pulled up a screen and said, "You'll never guess what I found on Stark's private server."

She'd found hints of some truly horrible things that she was going to review with T'Challa and Nakia later, but fun came first.

With the push of a button, a document was projected into the room. "Bunker Love" was the title. The first paragraph described the incredibly handsome and virile Antony Starr, who was trapped in a secret Hydera bunker with the incredibly beautiful Jim B. Stables.

Paragraph after paragrah described how they had to cling to each other in desperate need. And how they united against the mean Stefan Rodgers, who'd abandoned them and let them be captured.

Eventually Jim rejected Stefan and joined "Team Metal Man." After lecturing Stefan for pages and pages, Jim and Antony went off to live in the kind of bliss that only billions could buy.

When Shuri finished scrolling, she laughed at the stunned expressions on everyone's faces.

Okoye said, "This is what Stark does with his free time?"

Shuri shrugged and said, "Apparently."

Ayo frowned and said, "Most of us saw how brutally Stark had beaten Barnes. Now Stark is imagining them as lovers?"

T'Challa snorted and said, "The oddest part is how stupid Stark--excuse me, Antony Starr--appears by letting himself be captured. Wouldn't a genius be a little harder to catch?"

Steve frowned and said, "The part that bothers me is the idea that Stefan would let the two men be captured in the first place. We made sure Tony got back to his compound just fine."

Barnes nodded and said, "And Stark didn't even try to help your friends on the Raft. As if I'd be interested in a jerk like him."

Nakia shook her head and said, "Let's hope this is the worst thing Stark has been hiding."

***

It wasn't. They discovered that the web slinger at the airport was underage and that Stark didn't even tell the rest of his team about Peter Parker or Stark's Accords violations. The footage of Stark's cold-blooded attacks in Siberia were also disturbing.

But when they found adaptations for Hydra's Project Insight, they realized that Stark was far more dangerous than they had originally believed.

So Shuri wrote a new chapter of Stark's story, where "Antony Starr" was exposed as a liar and a threat. And ended up not in a secret bunker, but a very real jail.

Chapter Text

Someone once posed the theory that prop-Tony folks hate Wanda because Wanda is a visible victim of Tony's negligence and recklessness. That seems to be true in the story for this trope, because Team Cap randomly turns on Steve and Wanda, and still mention the events of Age of Ultron years later.

Honestly, even if the others changed their minds about anyone or anything, they wouldn't be foul-mouthing Steve or Wanda while they did it. None of it is in character...plus, almost everyone was Team Cap by Inifinity War.

***

Sam, Natasha, Bucky, Sharon, Scott, Clint, Bruce, T'Challa, Vision, Bucky, Okoye, Ayo, Thor, Groot, Rocket, and Rhodey all had their arms crossed as they glared at Steve and Wanda.

Sam said, "How DARE you refuse to accept someone else's control of all of your actions!"

Bruce said, "How DARE you accept this Hydra bitch into the Avengers!"

Natasha said, "How DARE you give the witch a second chance!"

Clint said, "How DARE you ask for help to stop five Winter Soldiers!"

Vision said, "How DARE you not sign away your rights on Tony's say-so!"

Rhodey said, "How DARE you not go along with the plans of 117 countries to take control of enhanced beings!"

Steve and Wanda looked at each other and then back at Team Cap.

Steve said, "Sam, you were the first one to reject the Accords. You were right about being LoJacked--Vision had a tracker implanted. And Rhodey, you gave up on the Accords yourself. Why are you suddenly worried about those 117 countries? Were you okay with Tony violating the will of those countries by coming to Siberia?"

Rhodey blinked and said, "Wait...TONY violated the Accords?"

Steve nodded. Then he said, "Clint, why WOULDN'T I ask if you would help? Those Winter Soldiers could have done incredible damage in a short time. You and Scott both knew the risks and the likely consequences."

Scott said, "Plus we're adults, unlike that Spider-Kid."

He saw all the puzzled looks and said, "Didn't anybody else watch Homecoming? Oh wait, I'm supposed to be mad at you, Cap." He stopped smiling and started glaring again.

Wanda said to Bruce, "Pietro and I were naive. Strucker told us Shield would make us strong to help us defend our country. We didn't know it was Hydra! I know I did harm and I am sorry. I lost my country and the only family I had left."

Wanda said to Natasha, "You know what it's like to have red in your ledger. Pietro and I grew up hearing how awful the Avengers were--and we KNEW how awful Stark was. So we believed Ultron when he said he had a plan to bring you down. When we found out his real plans, we stood against him. Why are you bringing it up years later?"

Natasha frowned and said, "I...don't know."

Clint nodded and asked, "Why ARE we going off on this stuff now? It doesn't make sense."

As the others joined the discussion, they soon concluded that they were actually all friends--or in Bruce's case, not enemies--and weren't really angry at Steve or Wanda.

***

Suddenly Tony shot up in his bed and said, "How DARE Team Cap be so reasonable in MY dream? Damn it, another nightmare."

Chapter Text

Here's another trope that's in very poor taste. To suggest a privileged white man who spent decades building weapons used primarily against POC should be crowned king of an independent African country is just bizarre.

Note: Set after Black Panther

***

Shuri was putting away the supplies from the workshop she'd just finished leading at the Los Angeles cultural center when Tony Stark strolled in.

He looked around and said, "Not bad, but it could use more...me."

Shuri frowned and said, "Why are you here?"

Stark looked at Shuri and said, "Well Princess, I'm here because soon you'll be calling me your majesty."

Shuri's jaw dropped. She looked at Ayo, but all Ayo did was roll her eyes. Shuri said, "WHAT are you talking about?"

Stark answered, "It's inevitable. I'm the closest thing to royalty America has."

Shuri thought Stark was a royal pain, but she asked, "And how do you expect this to happen?"

Stark smirked and said, "Well, your brother doesn't seem to be attached."

Shuri almost laughed at the thought of what Nakia would do to this colonizer. But she said, "But I thought YOU were." She'd read about Pepper Potts, CEO and Stark's girlfriend. Shuri thought whatever the woman was being paid, it wasn't enough.

Stark shrugged and said, "Not anymore. I needed to be free for my Prince Charming--or in this case, a king who is nearly as cool as me. I can't wait to see our matching crowns."

He started walking around as he said, "And I'll be taking over as the chief technical adviser, of course. Just think of Iron Man suits made entirely from vibranium. I'll be unstoppable!"

Apparently Stark came too close to Shuri as he waved his arms, because Ayo stepped up and pulled one of Stark's arms behind his back. As he squawked in surprise, Ayo said, "Our king is not interested."

As Ayo moved Stark to the door, Stark shouted, "Yes he is! You can't stop our love! Or my coronation!"

T'Challa walked in to the room. He said, "I do not know the source of this delusion, Stark. But I assure you, you will NEVER be king of Wakanda by any means."

As Ayo pushed Stark out the door, Shuri said, "But he IS the king of jackasses."

Chapter Text

The most laughable thing here is the claim that Tony took responsibility for his actions and their consequences. AND that he would actually consult with others he couldn't bully like he could Bruce. The Tony in the source of this trope is pure prop-Tony head canon, who worked to amend the Accords--and had the power to. The writer also slams Shuri, for the crime of being smarter than Tony. Oh, and Steve's super power is making everyone believe what he does, even though STEVE is the one who lets people make their own decisions, not Tony. So just how would Hank McCoy and Charles Xavier react to the news that Tony was trying to develop a super serum?

Note: I'm not familiar with X-Men so this may not be how Cerebro works.

***

Charles Xavier was using Cerebro when he first heard whispers of Tony Stark's plan. Specifically, Tony Stark thinking "If my dad could do it, then of course I can. I took his million-dollar company and turned it into a billion-dollar war-making machine. It doesn't matter that Howard actually invented the repulsors, the arc reactor, and the new element that powers it. I'M smarter than dear old dad. So I'll have a brand-new, better super soldier serum in no time."

Charles shuddered as he imagined a super serum in Tony Stark's hands. He'd been surveiling Tony Stark since the announcement of the Accords. Charles had planned for an introduction of mutants to general society. The Sokovia Accords provision for registering and tracking enhanced individuals--not to mention the imprisonment and denial of due process--canceled those plans. He'd told everyone to lie low and not draw attention to themselves.

So Charles was unfortunate enough to have been mentally riding along when Tony Stark landed in Siberia. At first, Charles was sympathetic to the grief and anger that Stark felt upon learning that Hydra sent the Winter Soldier to kill his parents. But Stark's cold-blooded determination to kill James Buchanan Barnes--not to avenge the Starks but to punish Steve Rogers--soon convinced Charles that Tony Stark had to be carefully watched.

Now Stark's plan to create his own super army made Charles realize that something had to be done.

***

Doug Ramsey--also known as Cypher--easily hacked into Stark's systems. He started showing Hank McCoy exactly what Stark was planning. Hank stared at the screen, then said, "How can Stark think--that will kill--but what about--I don't understand how a genius can be this stupid."

Charles asked, "But will it work?"

Hank shook his head and said, "No, but if Stark is heading in this direction he'll THINK it's going to work. And given his reckless tendency to act without considering the consequences, he'll probably test it on humans before it's safe or ready. I don't like to think what his serum will do to a human body."

Charles frowned and said, "Do you think you can come up with a way to offer to consult, to guide Stark away from making anything likely to reach the testing phase?"

Hank shrugged and said, "I can try, but Stark has a reputation of working only with people he can control. I'm not sure I'm that good an actor."

Doug continued to look at the screen as he said, "There is another possibility..."

***

Stark soon found that he couldn't work on the serum. Friday couldn't hold his notes in any database, and anytime he tried to work on his program, his entire system shut down. He was reduced to scribbling on paper, but his handwriting was so awful even he couldn't read his notes.

Charles checked in occasionally to make sure Stark wasn't making progress. When Stark began working on an adaptation of Hydra's Project Insight instead, Cypher extended the shut-down protocols to that as well. So Stark was soon reduced to ranting about how everyone was against him, especially after anti-Accords protests took over the world. Stark complained how Cap must be some kind of mutant, to make the world believe exactly as he did.

Out of curiosity, Charles asked Hank to check if Rogers could have had a mutant power awakened in the 1940s. Hank confirmed that it was simply Rogers' sincerity--along with the truth of the Accords--that inspired the world to agree with him.

Too bad Stark never figured that out, but at least he was prevented from doing any more damage.

When the Black Order came, Charles contacted both Rogers and Wanda Maximoff to warn them and sent some X-Men to protect Dr. Strange and the Time Stone. Vision was saved, Dr. Strange was saved, and Thanos and his minions were defeated.

As the X-Men and Team Cap formed a new team of Defenders, Charles finally reached out through Cerebro and told Tony Stark to stop thinking of himself all the time--Stark was giving Charles a headache.

Chapter Text

This is another creepy ship that pairs Tony with someone young enough to be his daughter. As someone commented, Yelena Belova was exploited most of her life by a self-absorbed father figure. What exactly would attract her to Tony Stark? She'd think he was a total poser.

Note: I didn't see Black Widow or Hawkeye so Yelena may be out of character.

***

Yelena Belova moved around the penthouse in Stark Tower. She was surprised by the invitation from Stark, but it was a perfect opportunity to confirm what Natasha had warned her about. Sometimes Natasha exaggerates.

She stared at the room, marking where the surveillance cameras were. She'd been told Stark had 24/7 surveillance by his pet AI. If Yelena decided to take the contract on Stark, she'd need to find a way to deal with that extra security. There was no point in completing the mission if she couldn't escape to collect the second half of the payment.

When Stark entered the room, Yelena turned with a smile. She held it even as Stark came way too close to say, "Thanks for coming. Nice to see at least one Widow with some manners."

Her skin crawled as he guided her to the couch. She sat down a small distance away.

Stark immediately slid closer and said, "I've got a proposition for you."

Yelena turned her face away from the stink of Stark's breath and body spray. She asked, "What is it?"

Stark laid a hand on her thigh and said, "I'm rebuilding the Avengers. I think you would be the perfect replacement for that traitor Nat. I would definitely make it worth your while."

He slid his hand higher on her leg as he began to talk about how they would be working closely together and "trust-building exercises."

Yelena frowned and asked, "How much is pay for being Avenger?"

Stark leaned back and said, "Well, usually nothing. Just equipment and a room at the compound."

He got back in her face and said, "But of course I'd make an exception for you..."

As he tried to kiss Yelena, she yanked his head back, pushed him down and held him in place. She leaned a knee on his throat and said, "You know, there is offer in underworld. Big money to kill you. Lots of people throw money in pot. At first, I think I say not interested. Now, I think maybe I say I'm interested."

Yelena let him go and stood up. She said, "Leave the Widows alone or I think maybe I kill poser like you for free. You stink, old man."

As Yelena left the building, she thought she owed Natasha an apology. Stark really was that bad. Maybe Yelena would take the contract to kill him. Or maybe it would be even more fun to see how he made himself upset wondering how and when someone would strike. She would decide after dinner.

Chapter Text

This is another "What are they thinking?" one. Frank Castle is a vigilante who apparently is sort of fascist in some circumstances, but also respects Steve Rogers and distrusts Tony Stark. (In the comics Frank was even kidnapped by him.) Robin from Once Upon a Time takes from the rich and gives to the poor. Why would he be pro-government control of anyone or anything?

Note: Oliver Queen was also part of the original story, but he was covered in another chapter. I don't know Punisher or Once Upon a Time, so the guys may be out of character.

***

Robin carefully examined the conference room where he'd been asked to wait. He'd come to Stark Tower out of curiosity. Why would a billionaire war-profiteer be interested in HIM? As he looked at the opulent surroundings, Robin started becoming interested in taking some of Stark's blood money and giving it to the poor of New York City and elsewhere.

Suddenly the door opened and a tall, broad man with a frown and a buzz cut walked in the door. He looked around the room, then leaned against the wall and asked, "Why did Stark practically kidnap me to come here?"

Robin shrugged and said, "No idea."

They both turned toward the door when it opened again and Tony Stark himself strolled in. He said, "Have a seat, boys. I have an offer you can't refuse."

The two men looked at each other. Robin shrugged and took a seat. The other man stayed where he was.

After a moment, Tony Stark said, "So, I guess you're wondering why I've brought you here. You know about the Sokovia Accords, right?"

Robin nodded. The other man did as well.

Tony continued, "Then you know that they pretty much restrict what enhanced people can do. So I need some unenhanced talent to add to my team."

He gestured at the man by the wall and said, "Frank Castle--Punisher--perfect muscled blond to replace Cap."

Then he looked at Robin and said, "Sneaky archer--you can replace both Hawkeye and Widow."

Robin shook his head and stood up. He said, "I've read the Accords. I really have no idea why you'd think I'd be interested in helping a modern Sheriff of Nottingham bully other people, but you are sadly mistaken."

He thought about adding, "And you'll soon be missing some of those multi-billions," but Robin didn't figure Tony Stark deserved the warning.

The other man--Castle--stared at Stark a moment. Then he said, "At first I thought it would be great, more law and order. But Cap was against it, and Cap is a good man. And you are NOT a good man. So I took a closer look."

Castle walked over until he was looming over Stark. Castle said, "Locking people up without due process is wrong. And nobody tells me what to do, least of all a spoiled brat like you. So leave me alone unless you'd like to get up close and personal with my fist."

When Castle walked out, Robin fell into step with him and said, "I have NO idea why that just happened."

Castle shrugged and said, "Me neither. Want to get a drink?"

A very strange but interesting friendship formed that day.

Chapter Text

I wonder if it's that prop-Tony folks resent "Captain America: The Winter Soldier" because it's far better than any film Tony Stark appeared in, or it's that they're angry that it's one of the few films that Tony isn't shoehorned into. So many prop-Tony folks complained about Steve and Natasha not contacting Tony and thought it was dumb for them to go to Sam for help. (Of course, the same people ignored the stupidity and inappropriateness of Tony exploiting a child instead of calling ANYONE. After all, Tony didn't have Hydra actively monitoring him.) In this trope, Sam blows off Steve and Natasha. I guess they're pretending Sam is as self-centered as Tony Stark. It's just not believable.

***

Sam left Steve and Natasha to clean up. He couldn't believe Captain America and Black Widow were in his house using his shower. (He did not let himself imagine how they would look in his shower. He was a gentleman.)

They'd only asked for a place to hide and clean up, but Sam started making coffee and scrambling eggs. They looked like they could use a meal. (And a hug. But he didn't know them well enough to offer one.)

He looked down at his bowl and frowned. He KNEW he should just leave it at that. Dust them off, fill their bellies, and send them on their way. Whatever they were caught up in was WAY above his pay grade--especially since he was retired.

A devil on his shoulder whispered, "That's right. You've done MORE than enough. Just get them out of here before you get into trouble yourself." It looked and sounded a lot like Tony Stark. Which was just bizarre.

An angel on his other shoulder said, "Sam, I know that your loss was real. You needed to retire to heal and find yourself again. But are you honestly the kind of man to just watch people in trouble walk out your door?" THAT sounded so much like Riley that Sam blinked away sudden tears.

The devil hissed, "Shut up! Those two should have called ME--uh, somebody with connections for help. After all, I'M the face of the Marvel Universe."

Both the angel and Sam side-eyed the devil. Sam said, "Wouldn't that be EXACTLY what the people hunting them are waiting for? For these two to go somewhere or contact someone familiar?"

The angel said, "And at least Sam's an ADULT. What's up with always getting children involved in your--I mean Stark's--problems?"

The devil scowled and said, "Fine! You're on your own." He disappeared in a puff of smoke.

The angel frowned and said, "He's right about one thing: It's not your fight. Unless you choose to join it."

Sam thought about the two paths ahead of him: Do nothing, or risk everything.

He put his whisk down and went to pull out the file on the Falcon wings.

He was not the kind of man to sit back and let the world burn--or let heroes walk out alone.

Chapter Text

The creepiest thing about the story using this trope is that the prop-Tony writer thinks it's perfectly okay for Tony Stark to kidnap someone, even a teen too young to consent to anything. And then they have Peter being perfectly okay with the idea of being kidnapped, because it's Tony Stark. It's super creepy.

Note: Unlike the prop-Tony author, I think being kidnapped would cure Peter of his hero-worship pretty quickly.

***

Peter woke up in handcuffs. But not, like, regular handcuffs. He could tell because they didn't break apart the second he pulled on them. Plus they covered his hands completely, like big metal boxing gloves. So he couldn't web his way out of whatever trouble he was in. He wasn't even sure where he was or how he got into trouble in the first place. He was on patrol, minding his own business...then nothing.

He tried to lift his hands to check if his mask was still in place. A voice said, "You're still incognito. I wouldn't recommend moving around too much right now."

A light flicked on and Peter realized he was sitting across from Tony Stark. It looked like he was on a private jet or something. Peter asked, "Did you--what's going on here? Did you actually kidnap me?"

Mr. Stark leaned back and said, "Yep, I need some help with a mission. I've been watching you in action for a while, so I decided to scoop you up to join my crew."

Peter didn't know what to think. He said, "I'm on your team but you have me tied up? And what kind of mission is it? Are you telling me I'm an Avenger now?"

He wanted to say he had homework, but if Mr. Stark didn't know who Peter was, Peter wasn't going to tell him. But Peter WAS worried about what Aunt May would think when he didn't come home. So he asked, "And why are we in a plane? Where are we going?"

Mr. Stark replied, "Yeah, you're tied up until we're clear on how you're going to cooperate and not cause me any problems. We're on our way to stop Captain America from making a big mistake. No, of course you're not an Avenger. It would be too long by boat. And Germany."

Peter asked, "What exactly is Captain America going to do? And why do you need MY help? You're Iron Man."

Stark shifted in his seat and said, "Cap thinks he's right but he's wrong. That's all you need to know. Oh, and go for his legs."

Peter didn't think that was enough to make it okay to KIDNAP him. He asked, "Wrong about what?"

Stark shrugged, but then said, "Look, it's nothing. The Sokovia Accords. Cap wouldn't sign, and now he's going to get us in trouble because he can't leave well enough alone."

Peter sat back and thought. He was pretty disappointed in Mr. Stark. But Peter knew the only way out of these cuffs was to agree to do what Mr. Stark wanted. Until he had a chance to escape. But he didn't know what he could do AFTER he escaped. He was going to be in Germany. GERMANY. It's not like he could take the subway home. He said, "Okay, Mr. Stark. I'll help you out. But you have to promise to get me home by 10pm New York time."

Stark looked smug as he said, "I KNEW you'd be perfect for my team."

***

Mr. Stark forced Peter to put on a new suit. Yeah, the suit was cool and all, but Peter wondered what kind of tracking was attached to the "gift".

They were in an airport. When Mr. Stark gave the signal, Peter did what he was told and webbed up Captain America and stole his shield.

And he got involved in the fighting, though he still didn't have a clue WHY he was there or WHY anyone was fighting. When he got to see the metal-arm guy's metal arm up close, he said without thinking, "This is so cool! It's almost worth being dragged here."

That made the metal-arm guy and the Falcon stop. The Falcon asked, "Wait, what did you say?"

Peter froze and said, "Uh, yeah, see, the thing is--"

The metal arm guy asked, "Are you telling me you're being FORCED to fight?"

Peter replied, "I don't think it was supposed to be a fight. Mr. Stark thought just you two and Captain America would be here."

The two guys looked at each other, then Falcon said, "Then why did he need you--no, that doesn't matter."

Then Falcon straightened up and asked, "How did Stark get you here? Did he pay you? Or does he have something on you?"

Peter frowned and said, "Well, sort of. I was just on patrol and then I woke up on his plane."

Metal arm guy's metal arm did a weird rippling thing as he clenched his fist. The guy said, "Stark is KIDNAPPING people to be his soldiers."

Falcon nodded and asked Peter, "Do you WANT to be here?"

Peter shook his head and said, "I just want to get home. Mr. Stark said he'd take me home if I fought for him."

Falcon muttered something into his comm, then said to Peter, "Okay, it sounds like you're the one who needs some rescuing right now. Where did Stark grab you from?"

Peter answered, "Queens."

Falcon said, "Okay Queens, come with us and we'll make sure you get home. And we WON'T force you to fight anybody."

***

As they jogged back to the group, Peter found out EXACTLY what Mr. Stark was involved in. So even though nobody asked him to, he webbed everybody on Stark's team.

Then Cap--Captain America!--went off on Mr. Stark for KIDNAPPING people for his private superhero war. It was kind of awesome. It turned out that nobody else knew what Mr. Stark had done. Black Widow told Captain America she'd make sure Peter got home.

Black Panther--the KING of Wakanda--threatened the metal-arm guy. Who turned out to be the Winter Soldier but also a war hero, too, Bucky Barnes. But Cap told Black Panther about some doctor and an empire falling and other Winter Soldiers. Black Panther calmed down and agreed to come help stop the Winter Soldiers and promised not to kill Barnes--YET.

Mr. Stark ended up getting REALLY mad and demanding his suit back, but the Vision guy--so cool--told Mr. Stark that Spider-Man would give the suit back when and where SPIDER-MAN wanted. Then Mr. Stark tried to fly off, but War Machine pushed him back and said Mr. STark still had a LOT of explaining to do.

So Peter got to ride home with the Black Widow, who gave Peter a burner phone and told Peter to call if he ever needed help or just wanted to talk spiders and being a superhero. It was really cool. Too bad he couldn't tell anybody.

Chapter Text

Usually prop-Tony folks have Tony or Pepper secretly still possessing Extremis, only revealing it when they use it to take down Team Cap. It's really an awful thought, though. That either of them had this power under control that could be used to heal people, but they kept it to themselves. They don't even use the power to save people. And honestly, is it ever a good idea to give Tony Stark even more power to attack people when he "gets upset"?

Note: Set during the airport battle.

***

Tony was fuming. His side was LOSING. Big time, between King Cat chasing after Barnes like a mouse, the Widow softballing her strikes on Hawkeye, and the bunch of screwups that were the rest of the team.

Tony HATED losing. It was time to unleash his secret weapon.

He retracted his armor and let Extremis pour heat into his eyes and hands. He looked around the airport, trying to decide the which person to flash-fry first.

Conveniently, EVERYONE stopped and stared at him. Team Cap would be easy targets.

Rhodey landed and flipped up his faceplate. He said, "Whoa, Tony, what's going on here?"

Hawkeye looked at Cap and said, "Did you know he could do that? I didn't know he could do that."

Cap didn't answer. Instead he said, "Tony, try to cool down. Whatever's going on with you looks serious."

Tony laughed and said, "Cool down? Oh no, Cap. I told YOU to stand down. But no...you wouldn't listen. Well I'm going to MAKE you. You've got my blood boiling--so let's see how well your little team of renegades handles it when things heat up."

He decided to unleash Extremis on the Witch in retaliation for the earlier pileup on Tony. He shot flames right at her, not caring she didn't have any armor, just like he didn't care when he was exploding things all around Hawkeye and her.

Some part of Tony was GLAD he was finally able to let go and show Cap just who was the REAL powerhouse in the Avengers...

But then Tony watched his flames get surrounded by red mist, gathering them. They started moving toward the other side of the airport--directly at Tony and avoiding everyone else.

Cap said, "Just stop, Tony. Someone's going to get hurt."

Tony powered on even more, but he couldn't burn through the Witch's energy shield. Now he was starting to feel the heat he was generating as the flames started coming closer.

He started cursing out the others on his side, yelling at them to DO SOMETHING. But they all just stood there and watched.

As the Witch's mist started to wrap around Tony, he finally let Extremis settle back in his veins.

Tony started to let the armor cover him again as he raised his arms to fire missiles and lasers if he couldn't use Extremis, but Vision and Rhodey blocked him.

Rhodey said, "Stop, Tony. Whatever is going on with you, you are NOT thinking straight. You could have done some serious damage."

He looked over his shoulder and waved off Team Cap.

Tony's eyes started glowing again as he watched them escape into the hidden quinjet and blast off. Then he saw a black jet start to follow them. When he looked around, the King of Wakanda was gone.

Vision said, "I was unaware you are an enhanced being. You are subject to the Sokovia Accords provisions for Enhanced Individuals. We must report to Secretary Ross immediately."

The Spider Kid piped up and asked, "How am I going to get home?"

Tony tensed as everyone looked at the kid. Rhodey asked, "Just how young ARE you, anyway?"

Before the kid can answer, Tony said, "Geez, I didn't exactly carbon-date him."

The Widow's eyes narrowed. She said to the kid, "Don't worry, I'll make sure you get a ride. Tony's going to be a little busy."

***

Tony found himself implanted with a tracker and under constant surveillance, just like any other enhanced being who signed the Sokovia Accords. Pepper soon found out Tony had kept Extremis for himself after his surgery to remove the arc reactor. She read him the riot act for not sharing the healing technology with the world, then cut off all contact except for business memos.

He never did find out how Team Cap knew to counteract his Extremis powers. (Natasha knew about them, of course. She and Steve secretly came up with ways to deal with Tony if he ever went rogue. Too bad for Tony they were ready for him.)

Chapter Text

This is just disgusting. What is it with prop-Tony folks and their enjoyment of torture stories? I can't imagine who would want to traumatize Bucky Barnes more than he already has been by making him harm and kill his best friend and the other good guys and gals on Team Cap.

Note: There's nothing graphic here.

***

Tony licked his lips as he watched Barnes make Cap scream. It had been so easy. The Hydra triggers were still there in Barnes' head. All Tony had to do was say them in a passable Russian accent and Barnes turned into the Winter Soldier.

A souless killing machine under Tony's command.

So Tony had ordered Barnes to pretend he was still Cap's poor injured friend. And when the others had met to see if there was anything they could do to help Barnes, Barnes had trapped them in the room and gassed them.

Then Barnes brought them to Tony's secret workshop. Tony had turned it into a torture chamber and jail.

Over the weeks, Tony ordered Barnes to do many things to Team Cap. And Barnes would continue to do anything he was ordered to do, no matter how vicious or damaging.

Tony hoped Barnes was screaming in his own head at the carnage. Tony just laughed and clapped in enjoyment.

***

OUtside the BARF chamber, Pepper, Rhodey, Happy, the Stark Industry lawyers, a judge, and a court-ordered psychiatrist watched the screen as Tony's fantasies played out.

Pepper turned away and Rhodey closed the panel over the two-way mirror. Pepper asked, "Now you understand?"

The judge looked at the psychiatrist. After a moment they both nodded. The psychiatrist said, "The commitment papers will be filed by the end of the day."

The judge frowned and said, "You understand, Stark will be under 24/7 armed surveillance."

Rhodey nodded and said, "We've also changed the protocols on Tony's AI. Even if he managed to get out, he wouldn't get far."

Happy shook his head and said, "I'm glad the boss never found Captain America or his team. Just SEEING his plans for them..."

Everyone shuddered. But they were relieved that at least in this universe, Tony was stopped from getting his perverse revenge.

Chapter Text

I really don't know what it is about prop-Tony writers that they want to put Tony with the people he's harmed. Tony's negligence (or his actual weapons sales) caused the deaths of Wanda's parents. Tony's hiding the creation of Ultron from his team led to Pietro's death. Tony's internment of Wanda and hypocritical support of the Sokovia Accords caused her to become a fugitive. He saw Wanda in a shock collar and straight jacket and didn't do a thing to help her. AND he's decades older than Wanda. What exactly is she supposed to see in him?

Note: Set before Civil War.

***

Wanda stepped into the common area of the compound. She was dressed for a party, just like the invitation said.

But nobody was there.

Frowning, Wanda walked farther into the room. Suddenly she heard a voice from the kitchen area say, "You're looking very hot. Let's get the party started."

Tony Stark stepped out into the room, also dressed up.

Wanda froze for a moment, flashing back to those days with Pietro as they waited for the Stark bomb to kill them. Then she shuddered and asked, "Where is everyone? What is going on?"

Stark waved a hand and said, "Oh, they've gone to town for dinner. I told them you weren't feeling well. I wanted us to have a little alone time."

He turned and moved to a small table that was new to the space. There was a white tablecloth, a vase with a single rose, candles, two glasses, and an ice bucket with a bottle sticking out of it.

Wanda shook her head and said, "I do not want to be alone with you. Or ANYWHERE with you."

Stark frowned and said, "I'm a billionaire, playboy, genius, philanthropist. What's not to like?"

Wanda's jaw dropped. Then she replied, "You sit on a pile of blood money and don't use a penny of it to help the victims of the Merchant of Death. You are a playboy who thinks women are something to be ogled and used. You are a genius who was not smart enough to know NOT to use alien tech you did not understand. And your philanthropy always comes with a price tag."

She looked Stark up and down and said, "And you are a creepy old man. Stay away from me. Or regret it."

Wanda walked out and immediately called Steve. When he answered, she told him exactly what happened. He told Wanda to go to the end of the drive--Vision would immediately come back to keep her company, and the others would arrive as soon as they could.

Steve also apologized for believing Stark's lie and not realizing Wanda would be a target of Stark's lust, because Steve thought Stark was with Pepper. Wanda wondered if PEPPER knew Stark was trying to arrange dates with other women.

If Pepper didn't, she soon would.

***

Pepper did NOT know Tony was trying to date Wanda. She never went back with Tony. When the Sokovia Accords were introduced, no one except Tony signed them. The others held a press conference saying they would all retire if the Accords were ratified, so Vienna never happened. Zemo never had an opportunity to frame James Barnes, who eventually contacted Steve and returned to the U.S. Thanos and the Black Order were faced with a united Avengers team (except for Tony), so they were easily vanquished at the compound when they came for Vision.

Chapter Text

Here's another pair of prop-Tony stories that are in very poor taste. Dr. Abraham Erskine was a German Jew. In the First Avenger, he explains that he chose Steve for the serum because of Steve's good heart. Yet a prop-Tony writer twists it to Erskine only choosing Steve because Steve looked Aryan. (Ignoring that Hodges, the other candidate, was also blond and light-eyed.) Howard Stark may have actually been Jewish. It's funny how in every other story, prop-Tony folks constantly rag on Howard for being an absent father. Yet in this particular prop-Tony story, Tony was trained by Howard in Jewish mystic arts to regard Steve as a golem (man made of clay), not a person. Tony thinks it's great to enslave Steve using a device that regulates microchips injected with the serum. (This prop-Tony genius has apparently not read up on computer history, to think microchips existed during WW2 or were small enough to be injectable in the early days. Also they apparently forgot that Howard worked on the Vita-Rays while Erskine created the serum.)

Note: Indiana Jones was also in one of the originals. Apparently he's a current favorite to prop Tony, ignoring that Dr. Jones would probably be a Steve Rogers fan and oppose pretty much everything Tony does. Also, some of the dialogue here is based on Alec Hardison's explanation of the Jewish approach to redemption in Leverage 2.0.

***

A few days after the Chitauri Invasion, Nick Fury called the Avengers who were still on Earth for a debriefing.

Tony was still sulking about Captain America and how much Howard Stark had admired him. Instead of dealing with his daddy issues, Tony found it easier to blame Cap. Even though Steve Rogers wasn't even around when Tony was growing up and didn't do anything to inspire Howard's admiration except be himself.

Tony used the down time to dig through his father's notes from his time at Shield. He was looking for some very specific information.

When the meeting started, Tony leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, ignoring the conversation going on around him.

Finally Nick Fury said, "So Stark, you want to stay in naptime or actually give your impressions of the first Avengers mission?"

Tony sat up and said, "I want to share my impression of the First Avenger instead."

Everyone looked at each other. Fury shrugged and said, "Go on."

Tony stood up and said, "I figured that we could all use a history lesson about the Star-Spangled Man with a Plan."

Bruce frowned and said, "Tony, are you sure this is something you want to do?"

Tony nodded and said, "Oh, I think it's definitely something that needs to be done. I found my father's notes about Project Rebirth. Guess what dear old dad thought about his pet project?"

He looked at Cap and continued, "He had a report from a Dr. Jones at Marshall College that Erskine picked YOU to be his guinea pig because you were like a miniature Aryan. He figured Erskine was thumbing his nose at Hitler, not picking a future war hero."

Cap went pale.

Tony pulled a device from his pocket and waved it around. He said, "Apparently dear old dad also took some notes on how transforming you into Cap made you a golem--a construct--not a person anymore. So Howard made sure he would have control of you if you ever decided to step out of line."

His thumb hovered over a red button on the device as he said, "I press and hold this, and the microchips Dad injected along with the serum will freeze you in place until I decide that you've learned your lesson."

Tony pushed the button and held it. Everyone stared at Cap. Cap stared at Tony for a long moment, then got up and said, "I don't think I want to be on a team with someone who thinks dehumanizing and enslaving a teammate is a good thing to do."

After the door closed, Clint said, "You dumbass. I can't believe you fell for that."

He looked at Natasha and said, "I owe you 20 bucks. I never guessed Stark would be that stupid--or cruel."

Bruce looked around and said, "I don't understand. It was a setup?"

Natasha nodded and said, "It was part of a test, back when Tony Stark was being evaluated for the Avengers project. Phil Coulson had boxes of Howard Stark's notes and materials delivered from Shield storage. We sprinkled a few items in them that would raise red flags if Tony took the bait."

Fury nodded and said, "We knew from the profile that Stark had daddy issues. But we thought maybe he'd grown out of them."

He looked at Tony and said, "Apparently not."

Clint leaned back and said, "I thought you were a genius, Stark. How could you not get the clues. A Dr. JONES from Marshall College in the 1940s talking about Nazis? How could you not put that together with Raiders of the Lost Ark?"

Natasha nodded and said, "The idea that Howard Stark invented microchips small and stable enough to inject into a person, and that a 70-year-old transistor device could activate them--we figured it was too far-fetched for anyone to believe."

Bruce looked at Tony and said, "It's also disappointing. Steve Rogers is a person, not a golem. Do you think the Other Guy is a golem as well that you should be able to enslave him with the push of a button?"

Fury shook his head and said, "The thing that gets me, Stark, is that you really think you deserve to."

Tony clenched his jaw and said, "Why shouldn't I? I'M the one who flew a missile into the portal."

Fury nodded and said, "You did that, yeah. You think that means you're done?"

Tony shrugged.

Clint sat up and said, "It sounds like your old man was Jewish. It sounds like you didn't learn anything about BEING Jewish yourself. You've been wasting your life and ignoring the damage you've caused for 20 years. In the Jewish faith, redemption isn't a one-and-done. It's a process. You repent by changing your life and acting every day to make amends."

He stood up and said, "You haven't done that at all. So you have a LOT of work left to do."

He looked down and said, "We both do."

Natasha stood, wrapped an arm around Clint, and said, "What happened wasn't your fault. It's Loki's."

She looked at Fury and said, "I don't think we can be on a team with Stark either."

As the two started for the door, Bruce joined them and said, "That goes for me, too."

Tony looked around the room, which was empty except for him and a silent Nick Fury. Tony looked at the device in his hand, put it down on the table, and left the room.

His career as an Avenger ended before it started. Which was better for everyone in that universe.

Chapter Text

The original for this trope listerally said, "It's amazing how adamant so many people in Tony's life are that he will never move past the Merchant of Death." That literally NEVER happened. Christine Everheart mentioned it ONCE in Iron Man 1. But this prop-Tony writer's solution was to go straight from Villain!Tony to Demon!Tony. I actually don't think that would work out so well for him...

Note: An AU where Thanos and the Chitauri don't exist. Loki is wandering around. Tony never redeemed himself, so he's still the Merchant of Death and never miniaturized the arc reactor, though he did build his tower in New York. Thor is still on Earth after the events of Thor 1.

***

Nick Fury never thought he'd need the Avengers to take down the son of Howard Stark. But now he had proof that Stark was no longer even human.

The "Merchant of Death" had apparently been using his weapons to create human sacrifices to build up dark powers. With his last secret attack on civilians, Stark had become an actual demon. He was using his powers to enslave and torture innocents and planning to declare himself King of the World.

Fortunately, Stark had never learned about Shield or Howard Stark's efforts to make sure Earth was safe from dangers like Tony Stark.

Nick was also lucky to have an actual god of thunder and a resurrected super soldier on his team, assets he wouldn't have had a few weeks ago.

Nick also had a grim-faced War Machine, ready to take down his former friend. Rhodes handed a roll of papers to Natasha and said, "I wish it hadn't come to this."

Natasha and Maria unrolled the set of blueprints on the table.

Maria said, "We know Stark is plugged in to public and private networks."

Natasha said, "And that Ulysses Klaue, Pepper Potts, and Happy Hogan are now under his direct control. We're not sure how many more of his employees are affected."

Steve grimaced and said, "So we'll need to safely contain the innocents. Do we know how he got control of them?"

Rhodes replied, "I was on the phone with Pepper when it happened. One second she's talking about how weird Tony is being and all the pentacles and sulfur. The next Tony says something like 'Virginia Potts, hear and obey' and she drops the phone and says 'Yes, master'."

Clint shook his head and said, "This is crazy. Shouldn't we be calling the Pope or something?"

Nick said, "We have holy water and blessed weapons and equipment. But we're not trying to drive a demon out, we're trying to contain him so he can't do any harm. That's where you come in, Dr. Banner."

Everyone turned to look at Bruce, who pushed his glasses up and said, "Right. So, Shield has been studying an alien object known as the Tesseract. Captain, I believe you're familiar with it."

Steve nodded and said, "Yes, that cube powered all of Hydra's weapons. And when the Red Skull picked it up, it sent him...somewhere else."

Bruce said, "I've designed a cradle for it that will collapse on impact. We've got to find a way to get Stark to catch or grab it."

Steve looked at Natasha and said, "How sure are you of your profile on Stark and his tech?"

Natasha said, "I'd stake my life on it."

She gave a tiny grin as she looked around the room and said, "Yours too."

Steve thought a moment and then said, "Then here's what I suggest we do..."

***

Tony was sitting on a throne he'd made Happy build out of the bones of his latest victims. He was surfing the internet, trying to decide the perfect venue to announce his global takeover of...everything.

He'd been forced to send his minions off on errands as Jarvis reported disturbances in different areas of the tower.

Suddenly, all of the power in the room went out. The only light came from the windows and the torches Tony had ordered for behind his throne.

Before he could stand up, a window shattered and a big blond guy with a hammer landed in the room. The blond guy said, "Demon, you will be banished from the nine realms for crimes against humanity."

Tony frowned, but before he could do anything, an arrow came whizzing right for his heart. He plucked it out of the air, but couldn't see where the shot had come from.

Suddenly a man in a bright blue, WAY too familiar uniform jumped through the broken window to land in front of Tony.

Tony growled and said, "YOU'RE the demon who haunted my childhood! My dad couldn't shut up about what a good man you were. But now I will OWN you. Steven Grant Rogers, hear and obey."

He smirked as he waited for the sweet sound of "Yes Master" from this prick.

Instead, Captain America said, "I don't think so. You're a bully, and I don't like bullies, whoever they are." Then he flung his shield and slammed Tony right in the stomach.

As Tony doubled over, someone behind him shoved him to the ground. As he rolled over, he saw a short red-headed woman who looked vaguely familiar wielding a staff. Attatched to it was a cube glowing in some sort of globe.

The woman tossed the staff toward a man with a bow who must have shot at Tony first, but Tony reached out and caught the staff.

He laughed and said, "You don't know who--or what--you're dealing with." Then he grabbed the globe to crush it and show the puny humans how invincible he was.

It shattered in his hands. But he was left holding the glowing blue cube that now seemed somehow stuck to him.

Suddenly the ceiling was replaced with unfamiliar stars, as Tony felt himself begin to dissolve.

He ended up on Vormir and spent eternity with the Red Skull, complaining about Captain America.

***

The heroes were gathered for a meal after being sure there was no sign of Stark on the planet and arranging counseling for the people Stark enslaved.

Rhodey shook his head and said to Steve, "You were right to keep me out of the action. Tony would probably have turned me into his personal flying monkey faster than you could say Wizard of Oz."

Steve smiled and said, "I understood that reference!"

Thor swallowed a bite of Pop Tart and said, "What I do not understand is how you could have replied to Stark with those plugs in your ears. I heard nothing of Stark's taunts."

Steve shrugged and said, "I grew up partially deaf, so I got very good at reading lips."

As the conversation around the table continued, Nick Fury turned to Maria and gave a quick nod. They'd found their team.

Chapter Text

This is a really telling difference between Team Cap and Team Iron Man. Sam sees Rhodey get hit by Vision. Instead of escaping, he turns around and tries to catch him, and then tries to use his paramedic training to help him. Sam even apologizes when he did NOTHING wrong. Tony shoots an UNARMED Sam because he's "upset." And in this trope, Vision hits Sam (which people pointed out would likely kill him). What does Team Iron Man do? Goes after the quinjet.

Here's what should have happened if this awful scenario played out.

***

Wanda was still recovering from the effect of Rhodey's blast when she saw Vision fire a laser at Sam. She watched in horror as Sam's jetpack--and the parachute in the compartment behind it--dissolved. She knew that if Sam hadn't started to dodge, the beam would have continued right through him.

As Sam began to fall, she watched Tony Stark and Rhodey glance back, and then continue chasing after the escaping quinjet.

They did NOTHING to help Sam.

Someone had to do SOMETHING.

SHE had to do something.

In that moment, Wanda felt her powers surge and expand farther than she had ever imagined. A kind of field flared out, catching everyone on the ground, Sam...and Iron Man and War Machine, along with the quinjet.

They were all frozen in place. Waiting for her to decide what to do with them.

Wanda stood. She looked at everyone, then with quick movements of her fingers, she very carefully lowered Sam to the ground. She then freed the quinjet, which turned and landed. Then she released Scott and Clint.

Sam ran to her and hugged her. She could feel Sam shaking as he said, "Thank you, thank you" over and over.

She hugged Sam back, then gently pushed him over to Clint and Scott.

Wanda turned to look at Vision. Her rage settled down as she saw his horrified expression. She freed his face. He immediately looked at Sam and said, "I did not consider the consequences of shooting your pack. I miscalculated. I am sorry."

Sam was leaning on Clint and Scott. He said, "Man, that was seriously messed up. What the hell were you thinking?"

Vision replied, "I was not thinking at all. I...I was following orders."

The quinjet ramp lowered and Steve came running out. He said, "Is Sam okay? Is everyone all right?"

Sam nodded and said, "We're all good, thanks to Wanda."

Wanda blushed as Steve held her shoulders and said, "You're amazing. Thank you."

She then gestured at Rhodey and Stark, who were still floating where she'd trapped them. Part of her wanted to slam them into the ground, because they didn't even TRY to help Sam. But she didn't want to be that kind of person. So she brought them down to the ground but kept them trapped. She asked, "What do we do with THEM?"

Steve asked, "How are you feeling, Wanda? Do you think if we move all of them together, you can hold them in place remotely as we escape?"

Wanda couldn't believe the sheer power she felt. Instead of answering, she moved the rest of the Accords team to stand together. As she was shifting Natasha, she saw the other woman give a ghost of a smile and mouth, "Good job. Call me."

She nodded, then moved with the rest of Team Cap to the quinjet.

***

Team Cap broke into Zemo's safe room in the bunker so quickly he didn't even get a chance to play the videotape. Steve and Wanda contacted Natasha to arrange a meeting with her and T'Challa.

At the meeting, they turned over Zemo and explained to T'Challa exactly what happened. When T'Challa learned about how Zemo triggered Bucky into becoming the Winter Soldier, he offered sanctuary in Wakanda and help removing the triggers. Shuri built Sam some new wings.

Natasha, T'Challa, and Vision withdrew from the Accords. They joined Team Cap in secretly keeping the world safe. Rhodey gave an apology letter to Natasha so she could pass it on to Sam. Steve sent the phone to Rhodey, not Tony.

Rhodey and Tony were the only Avengers left. But it didn't matter, because Ross and the U.N. panel never called on them to do anything. Rhodey left the empty compound, so he was in New York when Dr. Strange contacted Tony. Rhodey immediately called to warn Team Cap. Dr. Strange never got pulled onto the ship and joined Rhodey and Team Cap in Wakanda. A much more powerful Wanda was able to trap Thanos the moment he landed in Wakanda. She was able to destroy the Stones in his gauntlet, so there was no Snap when Thor arrived and used Stormbreaker.

Rhodey resigned from the military and withdrew from the Accords. When the world learned that it was the anti-Accords group who actually saved the universe while the face of the Accords--Iron Man--sat around and did nothing, the Accords were soon abolished and the heroes were welcomed home with open arms.

Chapter Text

I certainly don't see any signs of Steve Rogers treating Tony as anything except a coworker. But this prop-Tony writer imagines that mobster Steve would be so attracted to a middle-aged narcissist that Steve would kidnap Tony and keep him as a pet. That's not the reason I think Steve would keep Tony Stark out of action.

Note: Set in a mob AU.

***

Steve Rogers sat watching the hearth in his Brooklyn office, enjoying the sense of home this building always gave him.

After a brief knock, his second-in-commands entered, first Natasha and then Sam. Behind Sam walked Phil Coulson, a member of a task force that was working to clean up corruption in the city.

As they all got drinks and took seats, Natasha looked at Steve and asked, "You ready for this?"

Steve replied, "I have to be."

Phil leaned back and said, "Fury is impressed by your ability to shift to legitimate business practices. And I personally appreciate your getting the other families to stop squeezing the local businesses with 'protection rackets'."

Rogers shrugged and said, "Most of us grew up poor. We know the small businesses and workers are the ones who deserve to keep their money."

Sam asked Phil, "So we've got a deal?"

Phil nodded and said, "I've emailed the blanket immunity order, and have printed copies for you. Everyone in your organization is covered."

Natasha took the papers Phil handed over and asked, "Does that mean we're no longer on pet-sitting duty for Fury?"

Phil sighed and said, "Let me talk to him."

Everyone stood and Steve led the way to a steel door. After Sam looked at something on his phone and nodded, Steve unlocked the door and led the way inside.

Down several flights of stairs, Steve unlocked another door that opened into a large cellar. Inside a large cage sat a bedroom and living room set, along with enclosed areas that held a lavatory stall and a stand-up shower.

Inside the cage, mob boss Tony Stark was pacing. When he saw them enter, he shouted at Phil, "Get me out of here!"

Phil said, "That's not going to happen for a little while yet, Mr. Stark."

Tony said, "Arrest them! They can't keep me caged up like a pet!"

Phil replied, "Actually, they can. Director Fury has temporarily deputized them to provide this containment service."

Phil stepped closer and said, "Potts, Rhodes, and Hogan took the deal. They're dismantling the Stark organization and cutting all underworld ties. It helped that you put all your holdings in their names to avoid paying your taxes."

Steve shook his head and said, "You had so many chances. You blew them all. Hopefully your friends can turn the Stark organization into something better."

Stark snarled and said, "My EMPLOYEES, you mean. FORMER employees."

Then he glared and continued, "The second I get out of here, I'll take back what's mine and get my revenge on them and you."

Natasha lifted an eyebrow and said, "After we release the footage of what you did to that 14-year-old boy, you'll be lucky if you can get to a country without extradition before the cops find you."

Sam said, "I'm betting his aunt finds you first."

Tony started screaming curses at them, so they all turned and left.

As they made their way up the stairs, Phil said, "I have a few agents who are VERY interested in Stark facing justice. They'll coordinate Stark's release so he doesn't get the chance to do any more harm."

Phil thought maybe he'd tell Rogers to submit an expense report for Stark's upkeep. It's the least the government could do for the team that was keeping the city--and the world--safe from mobster Tony "Iron Man" Stark.

Chapter Text

I'm not even sure how you could twist Kara Zor-El into supporting Tony Stark and the Sokovia Accords. Supergirl doesn't wait for some panel to tell her to act, and it doesn't seem like she'd want any of her alien/enhanced friends to be implanted with trackers or put on the Raft with no due process. It just doesn't make sense.

***

Tony couldn't find ANYONE willing to join the Avengers. Not the Spider-Kid, or even the Bat-Freak in Gotham.

But now there was a new, smoking hot super chick in National City. She would make a great addition to the Avengers (and Tony's bedroom). It would be nice to have someone wearing blue and red that actually OBEYED.

So he flew to National City, put on his armor, and went looking for Supergirl.

He found her finishing up the destruction of a robot that uncomfortably reminded Tony of the Iron Man armor. As he landed, she turned glowing eyes on him. He threw up his hands and said, "Don't shoot! I have a proposition for you."

Supergirl put her hands on her hips and reminded him WAY too much of Cap. She asked, "Who are you and what to do you want?"

Tony flipped up his faceplate and said, "Iron Man. Tony Stark. Billionaire, playboy, genius, philanthropist. And I want you to join my team. And join me for dinner so I can get to know you better."

Supergirl frowned and said, "In National City, we pretend the Avengers and the Sokovia Accords don't exist. I'd prefer to keep it that way."

Tony stepped out of his armor and walked over to Supergirl. He said, "Trust me, you'll do great as an Avenger. And the Accords don't matter. You can sign them and then do whatever you want--just keep it on the down low."

With a look of distaste, Supergirl stepped away from Tony. She said, "Is that what you do? That would make me a hypocrite. When I make a pledge, it means something. And I do NOT agree with any document that strips people of their rights. Whether they're enhanced or not."

Supergirl lowered her arms and said, "Don't bother trying to contact me again. I'm not interested in being an Avenger--or in getting to know YOU."

Tony figured it was just the breeze of Supergirl's takeoff that knocked his suit on the ground.

Chapter Text

I may have mentioned this before: There's a scene in the TV series M*A*S*H where Corporal Klinger is trying to get family leave to return to the U.S. His CO, Colonel Blake, is reviewing Klinger's personnel file, which has all of his previous attempts at this scam. Blake goes through the list of family members either dead or pregnant, and ends with "half of the family dead, other half pregnant." I think the reasons that prop-Tony writers create to get Peter into Tony's hands are about as ridiculous. Someone's either dead, drunk,abusive, or going out with someone drunk and/or abusive. Here's one that kills Aunt May and makes Uncle Ben both drunk AND abusive.

Note: Set before Homecoming.

***

Peter gripped the handle of his suitcase tightly as he rode in the elevator.

He didn't understand what was going on. Suddenly Aunt May was gone, while Uncle Ben...

Uncle Ben just wasn't himself. He always had liquor on his breath. When he threw the empty bottles, sometimes they hit Peter.

The doors opened and he stepped out into a large room with floor-to-ceiling windows.

A man was standing behind the bar. When he turned, Peter recognized Tony Stark.

Mr. Stark said, "Oh, good. You're here."

As he started walking toward Peter, Peter started backing toward the elevator door. Peter didn't like the look in Mr. Stark's eyes. They were glowing in a really weird way.

Peter pushed the button, but the door stayed closed.

Mr. Stark reached him and said, "No need to worry. You're mine now. We're going to be IronDad and SpiderSon...you'll see."

Peter started to move away, but Mr. Stark grabbed Peter's suitcase. It was really Uncle Ben's suitcase.

Peter tried to grab it back, but Mr. Stark tossed it behind him and said, "You really don't want to do that. After all, I'd hate to see you end up like your uncle...or your formerly hottie aunt."

With a shudder, Peter turned and tried to climb the wall. But somehow his powers had disappeared.

Mr. Stark smiled and said, "According to the Sokovia Accords, you can't use your powers without permission. And I haven't given you permission."

As Mr. Stark stepped toward Peter again, Peter saw the flames in Mr. Stark's eyes and screamed...

***

Peter sat up with a gasp. Suddenly his door opened and Aunt May ran into the room.

She said, "Peter, I heard you scream. What's wrong?"

As she came close and sat down on the bed, Peter hugged her and said, "It was a nightmare. You were dead, and Uncle Ben was..was...it was awful. And then I was stuck in a room with Mr. Stark and that was even worse."

Aunt May brushed Peter's hair back and said, "That sounds horrible. I'm sorry you had to go through that."

Then May said, "I'm not trying to influence you, but you know I don't like Stark. Maybe your subconscious is telling you something."

Peter nodded. Maybe he'd stay away from Mr. Stark from now on and stop trying to become an Avenger.

Chapter Text

The What If? series did a good job of showing what would happen in this one. Tony was rescued by Erik Killmonger in Afghanistan, then Killmonger manipulates Tony and eventually kills him.

As far as I recall, Erik Killmonger wanted to start a war against white people because of the inequalities of the world. Why would he be interested in a relationship with multi-billionaire war profiteer Tony Stark?

Note: Set before Iron Man 1.

***

Erik Killmonger was hanging out by the bar when he saw Tony Stark walk in. He nodded to the three women scattered around the room.

Each one approached Stark with a flirty line. Each one got shot down.

Erik played it cool when Stark stepped up to the bar and gave HIM the eye.

This was not the plan, but Erik was well known for improvising. He gave a hint of a smile and said to Stark, "See something you like?"

Stark nodded and said, "That bottle of 30-year-old Scotch."

As the bartender pulled it down and slid it across the bar, Stark said, "Two glasses."

Then Tony opened the bottle and poured. He pushed one of the glasses toward Erik.

Erik picked up the drink and took a small sip. It wasn't often he was able to enjoy something so expensive, so he intended to savor it.

Stark said, "I think you already know who I am, but who are you?"

Erik smiled again and asked, "Does it matter?"

Stark smirked and said, "Not if we're going to hang out here and enjoy our drinks. It does if we're taking the bottle back to my suite."

Erik toasted Stark and said, "Darius. Darius Green."

Stark leaned closer to Erik and asked, "And what brings you here tonight, Mr. Green?"

Erik smiled as he contemplated replying, "Arranging your murder." But instead he said, "I heard there were some new rifles being introduced at the convention. I appreciate a well-made weapon."

Stark said, "You seem well-made yourself. Care to have another drink and discuss ballistics?"

As one of the women stood next to him at the bar, Erik set down his glass and said, "Lead the way."

Erik knew the bartender would make sure the glass no longer contained his DNA or fingerprints before Erik left the room.

***

As they stood in the elevator, Erik secretly checked his pocket for the bottle his female accomplice slipped in there next to the jamming device they all were carrying. The original plan was going to be carried out by whichever woman ended up in Stark's room while Erik handled cleanup.

It was a little odd for the situation to be reversed, but he'd still get his cut when the job was done.

The operation went as smoothly as he planned. While Stark wandered the room bragging about himself, Erik slipped the powerful sedative into Stark's glass. They toasted each other and Erik watched Stark down his drink.

When the sedative took effect, he staged the room to look like Stark mixed booze and pills. Getting the man undressed and in the full tub took a few minutes. Gently holding Stark's head under water until the bubbles stopped coming up took a little longer.

After erasing all evidence of his presence, Erik left the room and made his way to the security center. A few moments later, footage of the evening was adjusted so it looked like Stark left the room alone, and was still alone as he rode in the elevator and entered his suite.

Erik grinned to himself as he left the hotel. By this time tomorrow, he'd have his payment from Obadiah Stane. Then Erik could talk vibranium with Ulysses Klaue...

Chapter Text

The original for this is a weird one. Wanda creates the Hex because she's mourning Vision, but somehow Wanda ends up forcing everyone to be her friend or sex slave? And Steve goes along with it? It's just bizarre.

Note: Set after the Endgame battle. The other characters are elsewhere.

***

Wanda was consumed by grief. It built up in her--all the losses she'd suffered finally made her snap.

When she opened her eyes, the room was exactly as she remembered it. Back in the days when the compound was her home and the Avengers her family.

Clint waved at her across the room where he was chatting with Rhodey. Sam was laughing in the kitchen as Natasha shook her head and hid a smile.

And in front of her was Vision. Back in his purple skin and green outfit. He asked, "Are you well, Wanda?"

Wanda replied, "I'm wonderful. Things are back the way they should be."

Then she hugged Vision. He hesitantly put his arms around her. Wanda has a sudden memory of Vision holding her with passion and tenderness the first time they spent the night together.

She shook her head and focused on this moment. Having everyone around her, whole and safe.

Then a hand on her shoulder made her turn to see Steve. He was looking around the room. When he looked back at Wanda, his eyes were tired and his face more sad than she ever remembered. Steve said, "I wish it could be like this."

Vision dropped his arms and stood frozen as Steve pulled Wanda closer to him. Steve said, "You've been through a lot. We all have."

Wanda rubbed her sweater sleeve under her nose. When tears filled her eyes she caught a flash of destruction. She tightened her fist and said, "NO. This is--this is how it should be."

Part of her wished Pietro was beside her, but even she couldn't believe that.

She started to move away from Steve, but Steve turned her to face him. He said, "Wanda, you know this isn't real."

A flash of rage made Wanda fling Steve at the wall. The others stood frozen, not reacting as he slowly picked himself up and said, "We can't stay here. It isn't safe."

Wanda walked into the kitchen and stood next to Natasha. Natasha and Sam looked at her. Wanda couldn't bring herself to touch either of them. Tears filled her eyes again and she shook her head. She said, "This is the only safe place."

Here, she could keep the grief away and remember. NO. Not remember. Make new memories.

She must have lost track of time for a few moments, because the next thing Wanda knew, Steve was standing in front of her again. Steve said, "You have to let them go. WE have to let them go."

Wanda shook her head again, but she didn't resist when Steve pulled her into a hug and rocked from side to side. Wanda could feel the difference between this hug and the one from Vision. This was real. Vision...wasn't.

Natasha...wasn't.

Like Pietro...wasn't.

Wanda looked around once more. She saw how Steve stared at Natasha and the pain on his face. It broke something inside her and she started sobbing.

As Steve started rocking her again, the perfect moment Wanda created dissolved into reality. The compound was a battlefield. Vision and Natasha were gone.

But she wasn't alone. She knew when Sam, Clint, and Rhodey joined the hug. As Steve's shirt became wet under her cheek, she felt all their tears soak her hair.

For a long time, none of them moved.

Chapter Text

The origin for this is another prop-Tony writer who can't recognize irony. They base their story on the suggestion that Team Cap doesn't understand the definition of insanity--doing something over and over and expecting different results. Apparently this makes them think Natasha would try to seduce Ebony Maw. This prop-Tony genius doesn't recognize the irony of TONY doing the same things over and over with disastrous results every time. Things like building AIs with no failsafes and giving them access to weapons, keeping secrets about the weapons he's building, and thinking his solution to a problem is the right one (the ONLY one, in his mind).

Note: Natasha is in New York during Infinity War for this one.

***

Phil made a few notes, then said, "Thor, great job on persuading Eitri to make you a weapon. That extra diplomacy stat really helped you out there."

He looked around the table and continued, "Tony, Natasha, Stephen, and Wong, you're up. The Obsidian Order spaceship is hovering over New York City. Ebony Maw has stepped out and is targeting Dr. Strange. We're going to go over your planned actions, then we'll start rolling the dice. Remember that you also have your NPCs, Dr. Bruce Banner, Spider-Man, and the Cloak of Levitation."

Tony shrugged and said, "It's obvious, isn't it? Widow will do the usual and try to seduce Ebony Maw."

Everyone stared in silence.

Tony waved his hand and said, "Isn't that the Black Widow's shtick? The whole femme fatale thing? She did it with me, with that General before the Chitauri Invasion, with Loki during it. With Cap when you were on the run. Kind of funny, though. You should read up on the definition of insanity, because trying to sleep with your targets never seems to go well."

Thor said, "I know I've had side adventures, but I do read the campaign notes. I don't recall Natasha ever using her charm stats or rolling for success in seduction."

Natasha replied, "You won't, because I never did that. And for the record, I had to roll each time to make sure I wasn't going to vomit when Iron Man put his hands on Black Widow. Or kill him."

Phil nodded and said, "She did."

Steve said, "I know Cap and Falcon are halfway around the world, but I think I can say that Cap would say Widow is a femme fatale because she's a clever spy and deadly fighter, not because she can seduce people. Seduction definitely isn't her shtick."

Tony sneered and said, "But Captain America riding in like a major party pooper is YOUR shtick."

Wong said, "If we're going to talk about bad habits, Stark, you're the one who should get over your shtick."

Tony frowned and said, "You haven't been here long enough to know ANYTHING."

Stephen shook his head and said, "But we read up on all of your adventures so far. It's Iron Man who has some SERiOUS issues."

Wong said, "Really just the same issues, over and over."

He held up a finger and said, "One: No failsafes. Your AIs, your suits, NONE of them have an off switch."

He held up a second finger and said, "Two: STOP keeping your plans secret from the team, especially related to those AIs and weapons. It NEVER goes well."

Wong added another finger and said, "Three: STOP thinking you've got THE answer. You've NEVER had the right answer. I can plot the point where a mission goes off the rails, and it's ALWAYS when Iron Man makes a dumbass move."

Stephen held up four fingers and said, "Four: STOP disrespecting your teammates. Iron Man never learns that his nicknames and jokes are NOT funny. My Cloak of Levitation NPC already doesn't like the Iron Douchebag, and each slap from it is a hit point."

Phil held up his hands and said, "Okay everybody, let's cool down. Natasha, what does the Widow plan to do?"

Natasha smiled and said, "Maw is all about the big gestures with his telekinesis. While everybody keeps him busy, I'm going to ask Wong to drop me through a portal right on top of Maw's head. I figure I'll choke him out with my thighs while electrocuting him with my Widow's bites."

Steve said, "That sounds like a great plan to me, Natasha. I wish you were with us in Scotland."

Natasha smiled and said, "I'm sure Falcon and the Scarlet Witch will help you protect Vision and the Mind Stone."

Tony said, "MY plan is to stop Maw, then steal his ship and take it right to Thanos's front door."

Stephen frowned and said, "Why would we leave the rest of the team? I don't think Dr. Strange can agree to that."

Tony frowned and said, "Yeah, well Iron Man doesn't need you. I'll take Dr. Banner and the Spider-Man."

Phil rolled and said, "Dr. Banner and Spider-Man refuse to go."

Tony stood up and said, "You people suck." He left the room.

Everyone stared at each other for a moment. Then Thor said, "I can run Iron Man with the other NPCs while waiting my turn again."

Everyone nodded and Natasha, Thor, Stephen, and Wong started their mission while Steve, Sam, and Wanda cheered them on.

Phil noticed how much smoothly the campaign ran when Iron Man finally learned to do something differently.

Chapter Text

In this trope, Tony Stark isn't smart enough to wear a condom - according to the prop-Tony writer, at least once every day of every year since he turned 16. (You'd think he'd wise up at some point.) So these three gals (one of whom is only 15) set out to attack Team Cap and show Steve the "same treatment" Tony received in Siberia. Which was literally stopping Tony from murdering an innocent man by disabling Tony's armored suit in a way that didn't even leave a new bruise... Oh, and the gals lecture folks "that laws are a thing people must abide by, that actions have consequences, and that you can't use superhuman strength against baseline people and expect nothing to have happened to them". Apparently the children of Tony Stark (and their creator) don't recognize irony OR hypocrisy.

But what if they did?

***

As the oldest, Antonia called the meeting. She'd let them know what happened to Uncle Rhodey. She'd picked up Tonya from her college dorm and ordered Toni to NOT go out after getting home from high school.

All three sisters sat in their father's office. As Antonia set up the video files, Tonya rolled her eyes and said, "I can't believe we're not focused on Uncle Rhodey right now. What's Dad done this time?"

Antonia frowned and said, "We all know Father has done some pretty shady stuff. But I think this time he's gone too far."

She started her presentation with a copy of the Sokovia Accords. She said, "I don't understand how Father could have signed this. It pretty much says anyone on the Avengers has to get permission to do ANYTHING. Not to mention all of the human-rights violations."

Tonya said, "There are already protests on campus. Like GEEZ Dad, try not to side with the fascists here, you know?"

Then she looked at her sisters and said, "There's more, isn't there."

Antonia nodded, then looked at Toni. She said, "Toni, maybe you shouldn't hear this--"

Toni sat up and said, "Don't you DARE tell me I'm too young to hear this stuff. Whatever it is."

Antonia bit her lip, but she then pulled up some video of--

Toni leaned forward and said, "Hey, that's Spider-Man! I've seen the vids. What's he got to do with anything?"

The sisters frowned as the videos in NYC suddenly became videos at an airport. Spider-Man was there.

Tonya said, "I don't get it. So Spider-Man is on his team, so what?"

Antonia replied, "Spider-Man isn't a man, he's a kid. Not even 15 years old."

Tonya and Antonia glanced at Toni, who looked troubled. Toni asked, "Dad made a kid sign the Accords?"

Antonia shook her head and said, "I don't think he's officially there."

Toni frowned and said, "That's not cool."

They listened to their dad dismiss the mention of the Winter Soldiers and start the fight.

Toni looked closer at the recording, then pointed and said, "And that is SO not cool! How can Dad be firing explosives at Hawkeye and Scarlet Witch? They're not wearing armor or anything."

The three sisters were even more shocked when they saw Rhodey shot down by Vision. And then their dad shot Falcon.

Toni whispered, "Falcon wasn't holding a weapon. Our dad shot an unarmed man."

Antonia said, "It gets worse." She showed the footage of the Raft, and all three of them flinched at the image of Scarlet Witch in a straight jacket and shock collar. And they saw new bruises on Falcon's face that were either the result of being shot by their dad or being on the Raft.

When they saw the footage of their dad landing in Siberia, Antonia said, "I thought this was Father's redemption. That he'd acknowledge he was breaking the Accords--again--and help Captain America to stop the Winter Soldiers."

Toni looked at Antonia and asked, "That's not what happened?"

Antonia shook her head. She looked at Toni and said, "I really don't think you're old enough to see this. Please, close your eyes. We'll tell you what happened."

Eventually Toni nodded and closed her eyes. Antonia played the footage of their grandfather being killed by the Winter Soldier, then their dad attacking both Captain America and James Buchanan Barnes.

Tonya gasped as their dad kept coming after Barnes, even when he was running away. Antonia gagged at their father lasering off Barnes' arm, then shooting Barnes in the back and kicking Barnes in the head.

Both sisters had a moment of fear when Captain America slammed the shield into the arc reactor, but then sagged in relief as they saw their father was fine--and finally stopped.

Antonia said to Toni, "You can look now."

Toni watched as their father sat up and taunted Captain America. Then they watched Captain America shrug, drop his shield, and walk away with a severely injured Barnes.

Antonia closed down the video and said, "Father's on his way back."

Toni looked at her sisters and asked, "What do we do?"

Tonya clenched her fists and said, "I'm tempted to ask him what it felt like to f*** around and find out. How could he DO that? He's wearing a flying tank! He punched so hard he left dents in the concrete! He fired lasers at a man's face! He shot somebody in the BACK!"

Toni said, "Oh." She sank down in her seat.

Antonia and Tonya hugged their sister. Antonia said, "It's okay to be upset about this, Toni. And to still love Father, even knowing everything he's done."

Toni looked up and said, "But what he did to Spider-Man, and to his friends...I can't pretend I don't know."

Tonya nodded and said, "You're right. And we're not going to."

She pulled up her own tablet and started typing. She said, "Let's call a family meeting and set up the agenda. We'll share our concerns about what Dad's been doing."

Toni looked hopeful as she said, "Put on there that--that laws are a thing. And Dad agreed to them. So he shouldn't get away with breaking them. Especially when kids are involved."

Tonya typed, then said, "Good start. I'll add that Dad shouldn't be using his weapons against people not wearing armor and not actively shooting at him--does he really think his suits don't do damage?"

Antonia said, "Father didn't contact Secretary Ross about his trip, before or after. I've sometimes thought Father didn't think the rules applied to him. Now we know. But what he's done... Actions have consequences. Or at least they should."

She looked at her sisters and said, "Even if we're the only ones who can make sure Father takes accountability for his actions."

She held out her hand and asked, "Are you with me?"

The sisters laid their hands over hers. United.

Chapter Text

I actually do have some problems with Valkyrie. She's a slaver and doesn't seem to have a problem with that profession or the misery she's caused. That said, there's zero reason for her to prop Tony, on Sakaar or anywhere else.

Note: Set before Civil War. It's been a while since I saw Ragnarok, so I may have the details wrong.

***

Tony didn't know what happened. One minute he was flying around, the next he crash-landed in a junkyard.

He was still assessing the repairs he needed to make--something cut Friday off and damaged the arc reactor when he landed here. Then a really hot chick in leather gear showed up. He said, "Kudos to whoever assigned you to the welcoming committee."

She arched an eyebrow and said, "All right. Welcome...?"

Tony said, "Tony Stark. So where did I end up? I wouldn't live anywhere close to a dump like this."

The gal shrugged and said, "Nobody CHOOSES to live here. We just...show up. Like you."

Tony said, "So you landed here by accident too, Miz..."

The chick said, "The name's Val."

Tony said, "Val, okay. My gal Val. How about you get me out of here. I can make it worth your while..."

Val smiled and said, "I'm sure it will be."

Tony grinned to himself as he followed his new ally and checked out her fine ass.

***

Things did not work out well for Tony. Val was able to trap him and sold him to the Grand Master. The Grand Master was not amused by Tony's snark and was suspicious of the Iron Man suit, which he had destroyed. Tony never even got to the arena. Instead he spent the rest of his life stirring soup and porrige in the dungeon kitchens. Because he didn't bother to be polite to the guards or his fellow prisoners, he never found the tools or someone to undo the slave collar. Tony never even knew the Hulk and later Thor and Loki were there or when they left.

Chapter Text

Tropes like this just make the prop-Tony writers look petty as well as dishonest. Steve never made fun of anyone, while Tony called people nicknames that mocked their traumas, made fun of people for not knowing everything he did, and bullied several people. Who is more likely to make fun of Peter for having Tourette's?

Note: I have not met anyone with this condition, so I may not be representing it appropriately.

***

Peter had held it together during the meeting with Mr. Stark. Managed to keep from clearing his throat, shaking his head, or using language his teachers didn't approve of.

But now at the airport, he could feel the sensation that he KNEW led to something...noticeable.

He swallowed and started blinking. He didn't know what the eyepieces in Stark's suit were doing in response.

Mr. Stark frowned at Peter and said, "Hey Winken, Blinken, and Nod, are you paying attention here?"

Peter said, "Yes--yes, Mr. Stark. Take Captain America's shield, web his hands. Got it."

Mr. Stark glared and said, "You'd better. I didn't bring you all this way for you to pretend to be a bobble-head."

Peter bit his lip as Mr. Stark jetted away.

When Mr. Stark yelled, Peter jumped into action. As he handled THE shield, he felt the tics get faster. He tried to duck his head, but it didn't keep his head from jerking.

Mr. Stark was talking to Captain America, but then he stopped and said to Peter, "What is WITH you? You're like a bad GIF or something."

Peter blinked and blinked but clenched his jaw not to say anything, even as it made him more anxious.

Captain America stepped forward and said, "Shut up, Tony."

Then he turned to Peter and asked, "Are you all right?"

Peter managed to nod between head jerks.

Captain America nodded as well and said, "Okay."

Then he turned back to Mr. Stark and they started talking again.

***

Peter couldn't say he was sorry Captain America got away. Peter felt warm inside at Captain America saying Peter had heart.

He was feeling sore, but calm again.

When Mr. Stark ghosted him, Peter wondered if it was because Peter was different. He recalled how Mr. Stark made fun of him, while Captain America just asked if Peter was okay and accepted the answer.

He stopped calling Mr. Stark. If Mr. Stark represented what the Avengers were going to be like, Peter didn't want to be involved in it.

Chapter Text

In some other trope story, Godzilla and Mothra are monsters unleashed by Steve. Here they somehow participated in Tony's creation or survival, so they follow Tony around in human form. Poor Yelena AND Mera are stuck with Tony, because apparently him having them one at a time is no longer enough. If the two creatures think they're Tony's parents, they're probably as disappointed in him as the Starks.

Note: I haven't seen Godzilla or Mothra in years. I'm assuming they have super hearing and stealth skills in their human forms.

***

Godzilla pulled out the extra-strength moisturizer. No matter how she took care of her skin, she still had scaly elbows and knees.

Mothra took the bottle and said, "Let me do that." Mothra had sunglasses on even indoors. Her white hair shifted as she leaned forward to rub globs of lotion on Godzilla's elbows.

Godzilla said, "You're just stalling."

Mothra shrugged and replied, "So are you. We both know it has to be done, but neither of us wants to do it."

Godzilla sighed and put the lotion back on the dresser. Mothra was right. Neither one of them could have known the future when Howard Stark had brought his small son to the monsters' island. They'd healed the child, but then felt bound to him. So they spent time every year in these human forms to check on their "son's" progress.

Anthony didn't know who they were exactly, other than friends of his father's. They didn't know if Tony treated all of his father's friends so disrespectfully, but both Godzilla and Mothra were appalled by the younger Stark's lack of manners growing up.

It just got worse after Howard and Maria's funeral. Anthony had told them to their faces that he didn't need "old bats" hanging around. So the two kept watch from afar.

Anthony's lack of respect for them seemed the same as his lack of respect for everyone and everything, including his responsibilities. Sadly, while his kidnapping and becoming Iron Man had looked promising, Anthony had simply shifted focus to making armors for himself.

If they'd been in New York, they'd have revealed themselves during the Chitauri Invasion. The same with Sokovia a few years later. Since then, they'd stepped up their visits to Anthony. And later visited the compound to check in on the active Avengers.

Godzilla and Mothra were impressed with the rest of the team. None of them seemed interested in medals or glory, only in doing the right thing. It sometimes made them wish one of those heroes had been brought to their island instead of Anthony.

When they arrived at the Avengers Compound for their latest secret visit, they found out that Anthony had brought another man with him--along with a document that divided the Avengers.

Godzilla and Mothra had listened to Thaddeus Ross talk about powerful beings like they were weapons. When they followed Anthony's group to Germany, they heard Anthony himself call the Scarlet Witch a weapon of mass destruction.

They'd looked at each other and realized that Anthony would view them the same way.

And that Anthony was going to war with his own team.

***

At the airport, Mothra stepped between the captain and Anthony. She said to Anthony, "You do not want to do this, Anthony. It is not the way."

The faceplate of Anthony's armor flipped up and said, "What the HELL are you doing here, Grandma? I thought a fossil like you would be buried by now."

Godzilla stepped up beside Mothra and growled, "Keep your mouth shut or I will STOMP you, you disrespectful boy."

The other man in armor--Rhodey--asked, "Tony, you know these two?"

Anthony shrugged and said, "They're old--and I mean OLD--friends of dad's. Why they decided to show up here I have no clue."

He frowned at them and said, "But they'd better get out of the way. Cap and I have things to discuss."

Mothra stepped in front of the captain to shield him and said, "Anthony, we were better friends to your father than you know."

Godzilla nodded and added, "We are more than friends to you as well. Can't you feel the connection? You're a part of us."

Anthony shook his head and said, "I have zero idea what you're talking about. You are still in my way."

The captain tried to shift around Mothra as if to protect HER from Anthony, while he angled his shield in front of Godzilla. He said, "Tony, just calm down. Whoever they are, they're not causing any trouble."

Suddenly Anthony fired a blast at the ground in front of the captain and said, "Mind your own business, Cap. I've run out of patience. Underoos!"

Mothra sensed the webs coming toward them and yanked the captain down. She considered transforming, but realized that would reveal that she was enhanced.

Godzilla seemed to remember the same thing. She'd cleared her throat like she was about to blast a beam out of her mouth or a cold ray, but then swallowed it down.

They both had to hide who they were. But that didn't mean they couldn't help put Anthony in his place.

***

It was a little crowded in the jet, but no one was complaining. In fact, they were thanking Mothra and Godzilla for being at the right place and the right time to keep anyone from being captured or hurt.

As Team Cap made sure the two women were comfortable, they knew they could trust these heroes with their secret. Mothra and Godzilla would offer them sanctuary if they needed it, and help saving the world if it ever became necessary.

***

Having Mothra and Godzilla on the battlefield in Wakanda turned the tables so Thanos never got a chance to Snap.

Tony never found out his connection to the two creatures. And he never realized that his early retirement was partly due to them removing the gifts of life and health he'd been granted as a child.

They were relieved to disown him, and happy to adopt the extended Team Cap instead.

Chapter Text

You have to wonder how someone could still think Tony is innocent. After 20 years of negligence, the rape jokes, the sexist remarks, exploiting children, attacking unarmed people...Tony is the farthest thing from an innocent party. Yet somehow in the source for this, Tony is near death and shifts into a unicorn who "purifies" people. Of course, the lies in this story include Tony "paying in time and money and pain" to help Steve find Bucky. And Tony letting himself be humiliated by Steve (which never happened) because Howard appreciated what a good man Steve was. Oh, and according to this gem, STEVE is the one who gave permission for Tony to study the scepter. (Of course the writer ignores the fact that "studying" does not include plugging in your untested genocidal AI program.)

What animal would more accurately reflect Tony Stark?

Note: Set in a AU where Tony didn't get the chance to mutilate Bucky.

***

Shifting into your animal was rare. Kids tried to provoke each other into turning when they became teenagers, but most of the time people stayed in their human forms. Only the worst circumstances could force a shift.

Or in Tony's case, his worst bout of temper ever.

He stomped his foot as he watched Cap pull the half-dead Winter Soldier to his feet. The unibeam had come close to slicing off Barnes' metal arm (or cutting him in half), but Barnes jerked away at the last moment with the arc reactor in his hand.

Tony's backup power cells has kicked in immediately, but with the damage Cap had given the rest of the suit, Tony wasn't able to do much more than sulk.

As the supersoldiers turned to leave, Tony had a brilliant idea. He KNEW his animal shift would be powerful. It HAD to be--he was Tony Stark. So maybe he should unleash the beast.

Tony stepped out of his armor and said, "Cap, you're going to regret choosing Mr. Robot over there instead of ME."

Then he let his rage flow...and shifted.

***

T'Challa hadn't believed it when the captain had explained what happened to Iron Man. Still, he'd secured Zemo while the Captain made Barnes comfortable. Then the king accompanied the captain back into the bunker.

As they descended, T'Challa offered help for Barnes and a place to hide. The captain thanked T'Challa, then gestured toward a closed door that had some muffled sounds behind it.

The captain said, "I figured Tony would be safer in here."

The door opened to a lavatory. T'Challa heard a clattering sound and braced himself for an attack.

But his jaw dropped when he saw a pig running toward him, squealing in fury.

The captain said, "Watch yourself, he tries to bite."

T'Challa held his ground as the pig tried to bite through his vibranium suit. He held the pig's snout away from him and said, "Stark, this is pointless. You will only succeed in breaking your teeth."

As the pig struggled to get away or bite again, the captain maneuvered around the pig with a large tarp. The captain said, "It was all I could find."

As T'Challa let go, the captain dropped the tarp over the pig and wrapped it tightly in the material.

T'Challa picked up the captain's shield as the captain carried out the squirming Stark.

***

Tony didn't remember how he got back to New York. All he had was a memory of overwhelming rage and a sudden dislike for bacon.

Chapter Text

Apparently Tony is a jackass even in the afterlife. He comes back to torment Steve to try to guilt Steve into thinking everything is his fault. I guess so Tony again gets away with not taking accountability for his own choices and actions.

I actually don't think Steve would be bothered by ghosts.

Note: Set in an AU where Tony died in a stupid lab accident after coming back from Siberia.

***

Tony growled and clenched his fists. This was HELL. He glared as Cap sat calmly eating cereal and reading the paper. Tony said, "I was screaming at you ALL NIGHT. How could you possibly sleep through that racket?"

Cap smiled and said, "I grew up in a tenement with paper-thin walls and spent years out on the battlefield with no walls at all. Did you really think your little rants would keep me awake?"

Tony kicked at the table. His foot went through it. He yelled, "You're the reason I'm dead!"

Cap set his spoon down and said, "That's an interesting theory. I'm curious: How did I get halfway around the world, sneak into your workshop, convince you NOT to put failsafes or other safety measures in your latest suit, force you to put it on, and run tests that led to the suit shorting out and then blowing up with you in it?"

Tony scowled and said, "You ABANDONED me. I was all alone in my lab. Nobody was there to keep me from doing stupid stuff."

Cap shrugged and said, "As far as I know, NO ONE could ever keep you from doing stupid stuff. Except you. And you...didn't."

Tony said, "You should have signed the Accords. We needed to be put in check!"

Cap replied, "Considering the Accords didn't stop you from violating a LOT of international borders, or having an enhanced person on your team who did NOT register, I don't think the Accords were the way to go. Not to mention the multiple human-rights violations."

Cap picked up his bowl and mug and said, "And considering none of US never plugged a genocidal AI into the internet, I'm going to disagree with the 'We.' YOU definitely needed to be put in check, though."

He looked at Tony and continued, "For your own good."

As Cap washed his things, Tony realized that Cap not only had ignored all of Tony's attempts to make Cap's life miserable, but Cap was also going through his day as if Tony wasn't even there.

Tony's attempts to "haunt" Cap had failed miserably. And no one else could see or hear Tony and Tony couldn't affect anything physical--no matter how hard he tried.

Cap said, "There are some very compelling anti-Accords columns online today. I think I'll read them--out loud."

Tony groaned and covered his ears. This really WAS hell.

Chapter Text

Tropes like this disgust me. The originals have Team Cap being enslaved and tortured. Not just by Tony, but by Pepper, Happy, Rhodey, and Jarvis. All for the great "betrayal" of not signing the Sokovia Accords or letting Tony commit murder because he was "upset." In their minds, slavery and torture is a valid punishment for these "betrayals" of Tony. By their standards, enslaving and torturing TONY for the multitudes he's killed through negligence and outright criminal behavior would be a just punishment.

Note: Canon Pepper, Happy, and Rhodey would NEVER behave the way these stories make them do. And I don't think Jarvis would either--if he had a choice.

***

Pepper stood outside the torture chamber and watched the live feed of the slaves within. A soundproof wall separated it from the rest of the space. She ordered, "Jarvis, increase volume 50 percent."

Jarvis said, "Ms. Potts, Sir's voice is already over 100 decibels within the chamber. Irreversible damage may occur."

Pepper said, "That's what Barton deserves. Do it."

She said, "Let's hear the screaming."

The sound of Barton screaming filled the space.

Suddenly Tony ran in and asked, "Stop! What are you doing?"

Pepper looked at him and replied, "Exactly what the situation demands. The BETRAYED you. They deserve to be punished."

She shrugged and said, "They're only slaves."

For a second Tony stared, then he smirked and said, "When you're right, you're right."

He stood next to Pepper and said, "Friday, run the whole scenario again. But make Pep increase the volume 100 percent."

***

Pepper tried not to vomit as she stood at the observation window. She watched the BARF system reset so her hologram was inside the torture chamber, ranting to images of Steve and the other Avengers about how awful they were for "betraying" Tony. She turned away and said, "I can't believe I thought about getting back with him."

Rhodey and Happy nodded. Rhodey turned to T'Challa and Shuri and said, "Thanks for warning us Tony was going off the rails. I can't imagine what he might have done to US for not going along with this psycho revenge fantasy."

T'Challa said, "This is one of the tamer ones. When Stark involves you and Mr. Hogan..."

Shuri shuddered and said, "Stark's brain is a scary place, but this way it all stays in his brain."

Happy asked, "Why is Jarvis in the scenario? It's been years."

T'Challa said, "Probably because Stark's mind is protecting itself from the knowledge that Jarvis has become part of Vision, and Vision would have the power to stop this."

As they turned away, some Dora Milaje took up their posts monitoring Stark. T'Challa said, "I appreciate your willingness to allow Wakanda to participate in ensuring Stark does not escape."

Pepper nodded and said, "It's as much for our protection as the rest of the world's. ANYONE who thinks this kind of torture is justified...I don't like to think what they'd do if they had access to Tony's wealth and technology. Even if that person is Tony."

Chapter Text

This one sounds bizarre. Tony wants to have a child with Pepper, so he kidnaps Peter. How does anyone think that's okay?

Note: Going with a non-powered AU (other than Tony's oversized sense of entitlement).

***

Pepper carefully approached the teenage boy huddled in the corner of the bedroom. A bedroom that just two days ago was a generic guest room, but now was decorated with a space theme--and had bars added to the windows.

She sat down a few steps away from the boy and said gently, "My name's Pepper. What's yours?"

The boy looked at her quickly, then went back to staring at his knees. He replied, "I'm Peter."

He looked at her again and said, "Please, I don't want to be here."

Pepper nodded and asked, "Can you tell me what happened?"

Peter said, "I don't know. I was walking home from school. Then someone threw a bag over my head and shoved me in a van--I think it was a van? Then dragged me in here."

Peter shifted, then said, "And then Mr. Stark came in. I mean, I know who he is. He's been on TV. His dad is on the wall of science heroes at my school. And he said--he said..."

Pepper asked, "What did he say?"

Peter looked at her and replied, "He said I was perfect. He knew you weren't going to let him plant a seed or something, not on HIS preferred timetable. So he got me to be yours--yours and his. Your kid."

Pepper sat back in shock. She'd suspected as much. To tell the truth, she thought it would be EVEN WORSE. But this was still kidnapping, imprisonment, and child endangerment. She asked, "Who's going to be missing you?"

Peter swallowed and said, "My Aunt May--May Parker. My friends at school. I can't call them. Mr. Stark, he--he broke my phone."

What was she supposed to do? As a concerned citizen, dialing 911 would be the first option. But as CEO of Stark Industries...

Pepper stood up and said, "I'm going to block the door so it can't be closed. So nobody can lock you in. Sit by the door instead of in the corner. If anybody tries to close the door, run. But otherwise, wait for me."

She leaned down again to look Peter in the eyes. She promised, "I will get you out of here."

***

Pepper made sure her expression was calm as she walked into Tony's workshop.

Tony spun on his stool and said, "Pep! Have I got a surprise for you."

Pepper said, "If the surprise is named Peter, I've already seen him."

Tony sulked and said, "Fine, spoil my fun. I'm not sure we'll keep the name--Peter just doesn't speak to me the way Junior does."

Pepper stepped up to Tony and said, "So how exactly did Peter get here?"

Tony waved a hand and said, "Oh, I've been keeping an eye on him. Super smart, so of course he's the perfect kid for you and me. He's another genius, though, so don't be surprised if he loves me more than you. I can't help if I'm wonderful..."

Pepper said, "Peter doesn't belong here, Tony. We have to take him home."

Tony's face and tone went cold as he said, "The kid is MINE. I brought him and here he's going to stay."

Pepper edged away from Tony as she said, "Tony, kidnapping is a serious offense. You could go to jail."

Tony shrugged and said, "Billionaires don't go to jail."

Pepper almost sagged in relief when the door opened and Rhodey walked in, along with Peter and several FBI agents.

Rhodey nodded to Pepper as one of the agents asked Peter a few questions and Peter pointed at Tony.

As the agents read Tony his rights and handcuffed him, Tony glared at Pepper and said, "You bitch. We are DONE."

When Tony was almost out the door, Pepper said quietly, "And so are you."

She would have a ton of work dealing with the PR nightmare. But at least she wouldn't have to defend Tony's actions, because they were indefensible. And Peter would be safely home.

Chapter Text

Here's another prop-Tony "genius" who doesn't think things through. After lying that Steve killed Tony in Siberia, this gem has Volos, a Slavic god of cattle and peasants, show up to prop Tony. Think about it: Why would a god of peasants prop a multi-billionaire war profiteer who made his piles of blood money by exploiting his workers and designing weapons that were used on struggling civilians around the world? And why would that god prop Tony over two actual working-class heroes from the Great Depression? He wouldn't. This "genius" also thinks Steve should have just put his hands up and let Tony murder Bucky. Because Tony showed so much reasonableness and restraint.

Note: According to Wikipedia, Veles/Volos punishes oathbreakers with diseases. Maybe Tony shouldn't have signed the Accords and then broken them...

***

Tony couldn't believe he was LOSING. To a blond Boy Scout who WOULD.NOT.STOP. Cap should just stand down and let Tony get his revenge. Who cared that Tony had SEEN the Winter Soldier in action and KNEW it wasn't Barnes? Tony was UPSET.

When Cap banged the shield into the arc reactor, Tony knew he'd lost. As he watched Cap lean down to help Barnes stand, Tony shouted, "God, somebody give me a break."

A cloud of mist appeared. A tall, bearded man wearing a tunic and cloak and carrying a staff stepped forward. He said, "You called?"

Even Cap and Barnes paused to watch.

Tony sat up and said, "Yeah, I called. Need some help evening the score here."

He stood and pointed at Barnes and said, "That guy killed my parents."

He pointed at Cap and said, "And THAT guy destroyed my armor so I couldn't get my revenge."

Tunic Dude peered at Tony, then looked at Barnes and Cap. Then the guy laughed.

Tony glared and asked, "What's so funny?"

Tunic Dude said, "There is no greater fool than one who deceives himself. You thought you could invoke the gods of this land and face no consequences?"

The god straightened and said, "You have summoned Volos, the God of Peasants, you graceless worm."

Tony sputtered then said, "Watch it with the insults, Grizzly Adams."

Volos asked, "Or what? You have no power over me. More importantly, you hold no sway with me. You are a son of privilege, who from the first breaths has known ease and plenty. Whose privilege was gained by grinding the workers of this time under your boot."

The god gestured at Cap and Barnes and said, "These two come from the descendants of peasants, and have known years of hunger and want. Why would I raise my hand against them?"

Volos waved an arm and suddenly Barnes and Cap were completely healed. Even the arm was reattached and the shield back on Cap's harness. The Volos said, "There, sons of the earth, good as new. Take your leave with my blessing."

As Tony gaped, Cap and Barnes said thanks, bowed, and left.

Then Volos turned to Tony and said, "Now that the rewards have been dispensed, it's time to deal with the punishments."

Tony backed up and said, "You said yourself I'm not one of your people--you can't touch me!"

Volos laughed and said, "I don't need to touch you. And while you are not one of my people, you ARE someone I will deal with."

He came closer and said, "You invoked a god with a particular purpose: To punish oathbreakers. You have broken your sworn oath to obey the Sokovia Accords. To do nothing without permission and to cross no borders without first informing the governments of those nations."

Tony gulped as Volos backed him against the wall. Volos said, "Do you know, son of privilege, what happens to oathbreakers?"

Tony shook his head.

Volos smiled and said, "You will."

***

Tony soon found out what Volos meant. He wasn't even back in the states before his body began to experience painful symptoms of multiple diseases. He researched Volos and tried to make offerings, but dreamed of Volos telling him the only thing Tony could do to be released from his punishment was admit his oathbreaking.

It took Tony several painful months before he finally did. He could honestly say being healthy and in jail was better than being sick and free.

Tony couldn't even curse Cap or Barnes, he was so afraid of Volos overhearing his thoughts and punishing him again.

As he pushed a mop along the prison corridor, Tony realized that for the next 25 years, HE would be the one living like a peasant.

Chapter Text

This is just ridiculous. Steve never seemed to be jealous of Bucky or anyone else. So why would he want to stop Loki and Bucky falling in love because neither one was in love with him? Apparently the original for this didn't need to even mention Team Cap, except the prop-Tony writer decided bashing other characters makes the romance come alive.

Note: Set in an AU where Loki never went bad and Bucky came to live with Steve in Brooklyn after the events of Winter Soldier.

***

Loki and Bucky walked arm-in-arm into Stark Tower. Before they could get to the elevator, Tony Stark was in front of them.

Stark said, "So the Winter Wonder and the Horny Bastard are together?"

The two men looked at Stark in disgust, but then Bucky sighed and said, "Yes, Stark, we're together."

Loki lifted up their hands to show off matching rings as he said, "The wedding's next week."

Stark scowled, probably because he realized he had NOT received an invitation. He said, "I guess Cap's got his star-spangled panties in a bunch."

Bucky asked, "Why?"

Stark said, "Because he must be greener than the Hulk with envy. After all, neither of you were interested in HIM."

Loki and Bucky looked at each other. Then Bucky said, "I've been dating since I was 13. Steve has NEVER said anything against my dates, even when HIS date was more interested in me. And Steve never said anything that would make me think he was jealous."

Loki said, "The good captain did express some concern early on about making sure I did right by his 'best pal,' but that seemed more like a brother than a disappointed suitor."

Stark said, "OF COURSE Cap has to be jealous. He's selfish and wants everyone for himself."

Bucky shook his head and said, "That sounds more like someone ELSE we know."

Stark crossed his arms and asked, "Why are you here, anyway? Looking for a Stark-sized wedding gift?"

Pepper stepped near and said, "No, Tony, they're here to see ME."

Loki smiled at Stark's stunned face as Pepper looped arms with Bucky and him and they walked away. Loki asked, "He's not your plus one, is he? Because I may have to change your table assignment at the reception to somewhere down the block."

Pepper laughed and said, "Not a chance. Rhodey and I are going together."

Bucky said, "Thanks for making time for us."

She replied, "Thanks for inviting me to lunch."

Loki leaned closer and said, "We also wanted to talk to you about the reception. You see, my fool brother and the good captain have been making eyes at each other for WEEKS. It's become nauseatingly obvious their interest is mutual."

Bucky nodded and said, "So we're talking to everyone who's likely to be at the bouquet toss. We're each carrying flowers, so we'll be tossing them together--"

Pepper laughed and said, "And you want to make sure Steve and Thor are the ones who catch them?"

At their nods, she said, "Count me in. I can hardly wait."

As Bucky and Loki looked at each other, Bucky said, "Neither can we."

Chapter Text

It's so strange that so many people think Tony needs to be avenged. For what? Disagreeing with him over the Accords? That's just a fact, not a crime. Not being told about Hydra and his parents? Steve already apologized. Staying at the compound? TONY chose to create a base of operations for the Avengers. And as soon as someone gave up being an Avenger, they left. So what's the problem?

Nebula should not be forced into being Tony's lap dog or attack dog. She already spent most of her life manipulated and exploited by a narcissist. Why dump another one on her?

Note: Set in an AU where Nebula winds up on Earth and needs help getting back to the Guardians.

***

Nebula eyed her "benefactor" warily. The Iron Man had come upon Nebula's small ship almost immediately after she'd entered the planet's atmosphere. He had offered her shelter and "a hand" with the repairs.

She had no other options, so she accepted Stark's help. But she was careful to keep him from stealing any parts. And after seeing him trying to plug his own device into her ship, she made sure no ports to the computer systems were available.

Stark had quickly learned to stay away from the power ports she'd left open.

Thanos and the universe had taught Nebula not to trust. So she was not surprised when Stark finally named a price for his assistance.

The Iron Man had invited her into his dwelling. On a screen, he showed Nebula recordings of his interactions with people he called his "EX team members." Most were boring discussions that occasionally became arguments. While Nebula did not know the details, she could admit that Stark's words and attitudes made her immediately take the side of whomever he was in conflict with. And she had many to choose from.

Nebula froze as she watched the last footage, which was a violent encounter in a building with cold gray walls. She flinched as she watched Stark cut off a metal limb of the man he'd been attempting to murder the whole time.

When the footage finally ended with a third man helping the metal-armed man limp away, Stark shut off the screen and said, "So now you get it."

Nebula frowned and asked, "Get what?"

Stark gestured and said, "The reason you have to avenge me."

She sat back and said, "Avenge you? I have no need to seek revenge for you."

Certainly not based on the things she had seen. Part of her considered finding some of the people Stark had harmed, to see if they wanted her to avenge THEM against Stark.

Stark frowned and said, "Listen Crystal Blue, I'm not just helping you fix your ride, I'm hiding you from people who would NOT be as polite as me if they found an alien on their doorstep. So maybe you want to reconsider the attitude and start showing some gratitude."

Before Nebula could kill Stark, a man in a cape walked through what appeared to be a solid wall and said, "I do not think threats are appropriate."

The being turned to Nebula and said, "I am Vision. My scan of Friday's files show that your ship still requires significant work to become spaceworthy. But it is able to travel within Earth's atmosphere. I believe that you would be better off seeking help with people who will not demand vengeance or issue threats."

Nebula eyed the Vision and Stark. Then she stood and said, "Lead the way."

When the Iron Man tried to shoot her, Nebula dodged. She also shot back and didn't miss. Too bad it was a flesh wound.

***

The Vision directed Nebula to a secluded river valley. Soon after they arrived, the beings Nebula had seen on the recordings appeared. With them they brought others, including a young Earthling who chattered continually as she helped Nebula finish her repairs.

While this mechanic asked more questions than Nebula wanted to deal with, the woman did not attempt to steal anything. And no one demanded payment for their service.

As Nebula lifted off and turned her ship to where she could meet up again with the Guardians, she thought about telling Gamora that most Earthlings were not so bad. Or as annoying as Quill.

Chapter Text

The original of this one is bizarre. Apparently in this prop-Tony writer's mind, Thanos's Snap was like a gun firing. A "cosmic recoil" restored some people to life, including Howard Stark and Abraham Erskine. First off, that doesn't make sense. Thanos can make the universe as he wishes. If he's trying to reduce the population, why would he allow anyone to come back? It would defeat the purpose of the Snap. And if Dr. Erskine and Howard Stark got to see how Steve turned out, Tony is NOT the one they'd be propping.

Note: The original had no Time Heist, so the dusted stay dusted. Set in an AU where Thanos brought Tony and Nebula back with him to Earth for the Snap. Pepper was not pregnant during Infinity War.

***

Silence reigned as the survivors stared at the people who were left and thought about the people who were gone. All of Thanos's troops had disappeared, so at least they were no longer in the middle of a battle.

Bruce, Natasha, Rocket, Rhodey, and Okoye moved closer. Thor was still staring at the spot where he'd failed to stop Thanos. None of them noticed when a ripple passed through reality, and other people suddenly appeared behind them.

None of that mattered to Tony Stark, who moved away from Nebula and started screaming at Steve. Tony yelled, "This is ALL your fault! If you had just signed the Accords, NONE of this would have happened! We wouldn't have lost!"

Steve was sitting next to Vision's grayed-out corpse. He'd seen Bucky turn to dust, and Rhodey had reported that Sam was gone as well. Steve didn't have the energy to deal with Tony's crap. Instead, Steve asked, "Why didn't you call?"

He shook his head and continued, "I gave you a phone, Tony. Why didn't you call and warn us that Vision was in danger? If we'd gotten there just a few minutes sooner, we might have kept Vision from being injured. And maybe THAT would have made a difference."

Tony ignored the question. Instead he said, "I hope you're happy. I told you we needed a suit of armor around the world. So what if it cost people their precious freedoms. You said we'd lose together, and we did. But YOU'RE the real loser."

Suddenly a new voice said, "Geez, just shut up already."

Everyone turned to see a man who looked vaguely familiar. He had dark hair and a mustache, and was wearing a suit. The man asked, "Who is this blowhard?"

Rhodey answered, "Tony Stark, Iron Man."

The stranger said, "Really? Any relation to Howard Stark?"

Steve looked at the stranger and said, "Howard, is that you?"

Then Steve looked beyond him and asked, "Dr. Erskine? How...?"

Dr. Erskine stepped forward and said, "I, for one, do not know how. Or where or why. One minute I was in my office, the next I was here. I am guessing it is the same for Howard."

Tony stood in shock for a moment, then he sneered as he pointed at Steve. Tony said, "Look at your pet project, Dad. He turned his back on m--on EVERYONE. And this is how things turned out. All hail the hero."

Natasha and Bruce stepped forward, but Steve waved them off and said, "You can blame whoever you want, Tony. The important thing right now is to find out if anyone needs help. And..." Steve swallowed and said, "And record the losses."

Then Steve stood up and helped to organize the search-and-rescue parties and the evaluate-and-assess group.

When Howard moved toward Tony, Tony waved him off and said, "You were never a good dad. Don't try to start now."

Tony walked off and left everyone behind. Nebula moved toward Rocket to share what happened on Titan.

Natasha and Bruce approached Howard and Dr. Erskine. All four of them watched Steve go to Thor, then watched Thor fall to his knees sobbing while Steve hugged him.

Bruce said, "It's not really Steve's fault."

Dr. Erskine turned to him and said, "I suspected as much."

Natasha nodded and said, "The Accords Tony was talking about...they were pretty awful. Steve had good reasons not to sign them, but he didn't say anything against Tony signing them--or me."

She gave a small smile and said, "Even if I changed my mind pretty quickly."

Howard shook his head and said, "I know things are really bad right now, but I admit the worst of it is knowing my son kicks people when they're down."

Bruce said, "I'd like to say that's not true, but..."

Suddenly Howard clapped his hands and then rubbed them together. He said, "Well, I don't know how long I'm here, but I'm ready to help."

***

Having Howard and Dr. Erskine in the modern day made a real difference. Unlike Tony, Howard didn't respond to chaos by abandoning everyone to live by a lake. Instead, Howard worked with Pepper to make Stark Industries a leader in cleanup and restoration technologies. He also started production on arc reactors to share with the world. Queen Romanda and Okoye did their part to make sure Wakanda and the world recovered.

Unsurprisingly, Pepper soon realized that Tony was no prize compared to Howard Stark. She never got back together with Tony and instead married Howard Stark. They named their son Steven.

Dr. Erskine never tried to recreate the serum, but his medical innovations caused many diseases to be more easily treated with fewer side effects. Rocket and Nebula worked on improving prosthetics and assistive robotics. Bruce returned to his research and reconnected with Betty Ross. (It didn't hurt that Thaddeus Ross was one of the dusted.)

Because things weren't quite so desparate, the other survivors found it easier to cope. Clint located Scott's daughter Cassie and adopted her instead of going on a killing spree. Rocket and Nebula became minor celebrities and spokespersons for the differently abled.

Rhodey stayed with the peacekeeping forces, while Natasha led an organization helping orphans. Thor went into therapy. When the Asgardians arrived, Thor became the leader his people needed, with the help of his friends.

Steve became a counselor. A new Mr. Rogers appeared on television, in a show that combined storytelling, education, and art therapy sessions. Steve helped children and adults find ways to cope with everything they'd experienced. Eventually Natasha and Steve moved from friends to lovers to spouses to parents.

And Tony? He walked away from the world, so no one noticed when he left it.

Chapter Text

This doesn't make any sense. As far as I can tell, Shang-Chi went after the people actually responsible for his mother's death, not another victim. And nothing I've seen of Shang-Chi or Katy Chen suggests they'd prop Tony or be pro-Sokovia Accords. It seems like it would be the opposite.

Note: Set in an AU where Shang-Chi got the rings around the time of Civil War.

***

Shang-Chi, Katy, Jon, Soo, and Wong were gearing up for another round of karaoke when suddenly the doors to the bar flew open and Tony Stark strode in. He looked over the occupants and then walked over to their table.

He pointed at Shang-Chi and said, "You. Me. Private convo. Now."

Shang-Chi looked at the stunned faces of his companions. He said, "This is as private as I need. Why are you bothering me?"

Stark moved another chair to the table and said, "More why am I bothering WITH you. I'm hearing good things about you and some magic jewelry of yours. So I'm thinking you would make a great addition to the Avengers roster."

Katy frowned and said, "That would mean signing the Sokovia Accords. Why would anyone agree to only stop villains when the United Nations tells them too?"

Stark waved his hand and said, "Don't worry about it--there's ways to work around that."

Shang-Chi frowned and said, "I don't want to have to work around it. That sounds dishonest."

Stark frowned and said, "You know, some would say those rings of yours are some pretty high-tech devices. The Accords panel may think it's a good idea to confiscate them."

Shang-Chi shook his head at the threat. He said, "You know what, Stark? I've also decided I don't want to work with you. So I suggest you leave quietly."

Stark left complaining loudly.

***

A few years later when the Black Order showed up, Wong remembered what a jerk Stark was. So Wong suggested Strange contact Steve Rogers instead. Steve immediately warned the others about the threat to Vision. Wong also called on Shang-Chi, and he arrived in time to keep Dr. Strange from being abducted. It was a much better and Snap-free future for everyone.

Chapter Text

I don't know why prop-Tony writers seem obsessed lately with shifting Tony into other creatures, but this one is bizarre. The original story turned Tony into a Hydra so he could attack Steve and Bucky in Siberia. The writer doesn't seem to recognize that turning Tony into a monster and having him attack people would NOT turn out well for Tony. Because he's no longer a hero, he's a MONSTER.

***

Shifting into ANYTHING was not a normal part of being human. You needed to make a deal with someone--or something--to gain the ability.

So Steve had no idea what was happening after finally breaking the arc reactor and picking up Bucky to get him some first aid.

He heard the Iron Man armor open up and glanced over his shoulder. He saw Tony stepping out onto the concrete floor.

But then Tony shimmered in a sickly yellow light--and disappeared.

In his place was something out of mythology or a horror film. A snake body but topped with seven snake heads. All of them were hissing, beady eyes fixed on Steve and Bucky.

Steve only took a moment to spring into action. He said to Bucky, "Go--as fast as you can."

As he heard Bucky stumble away, Steve maneuvered around the room, checking his options. He had to get to the far side of the room before he found a piece of rubble that would work. It was a beam, broken at one end. Steve grabbed it.

When he turned, the creature--a Hydra, Steve was sure of it--was slithering its way toward Steve. Steve said, "Tony, if you're in there, stop now. It doesn't have to end like this."

The creature's mouths seemed to laugh as the Hydra's body moved faster. Steve could see the venom dripping from the creature's fangs sizzling on the concrete.

Steve gave the Hydra one more moment. Then he eliminated the threat.

With a fierce throw, he decapitated all of the creature's heads. Before they could begin to regenerate, he rubbed the broken end of the beam in the Hydra's blood, then stabbed the Hydra in the heart.

The thing flopped over as the body and all of the heads dissolved into dust.

Suddenly a voice said, "I do not believe my eyes."

Steve whirled around and saw T'Challa standing there. Steve asked, "You saw what happened?"

T'Challa took a few steps forward as he said, "Yes, but I am not sure I believe it."

As he moved closer, Steve took a defense stance. But T'Challa raised one hand and said, "I have no more quarrel with you, Captain. Or with your friend."

Steve asked, "Is Bucky safe?"

T'Challa nodded and said, "Your friend, he is a brave man. As wounded as he is, I could have killed him with minimal effort. But still he came forward to ask me to help you. I know Barnes was not responsible for the bombing. The true culprit is secured outside."

He stepped closer to the corpse and asked, "How did you know what to do?"

Steve shrugged and said, "Back in the day, when we found out about Hydra, we researched it. Just in case there was a REAL Hydra involved."

He stepped over to where his shield was embedded in the wall after cutting off the heads. Steve pulled it out carefully. The venom didn't mar the metal, but Steve was careful not to touch anything that had come into contact with the creature.

He walked back to T'Challa and asked, "What happens now?"

T'Challa said, "My suit recorded everything that happened. It will confirm that you acted in self-defense and that Tony Stark is dead...and was something no one ever suspected."

As the two men left the bunker, T'Challa said, "I followed Stark after he left the airport. He traveled to a base in the middle of the ocean. I believe your companions may be held there. I will provide the coordinates--as well as assistance and sanctuary."

Steve looked at the king and asked, "Are you sure about that?"

T'Challa nodded and said, "It was clear to me soon after I arrived that my actions were not appropriate. I need to rectify that."

He continued, "I will also ask your assistance in finding out how and when Stark gained such dark powers. Whoever is the source must be stopped as well."

After T'Challa gave Steve a set of kimoyo beads, the two men shook hands and went their separate ways.

It was a good thing T'Challa had proof of Tony's transformation, because otherwise no one would have believed them.

Chapter Text

There are quite a few stories that use the trope of Tony being sent back in time. All of them seem to be the same. Instead of Tony really thinking about his actions and how much harm he did, he spends all his time trying to neutralize everyone who ever disagreed with him. With those kinds of results, it seems like whoever granted Tony the gift of time travel would want it back.

***

Tony dusted his hands, then picked up his drink and leaned back in his chair. He'd done it! EVERYONE who disagreed with him was safely out of the way.

Natasha Romanov and Clint Barton died in Budapest.

Scott Lang was knifed in the prison shower.

Wanda and Pietro Maximoff never made it out of the apartment building destroyed by a Stark missile.

Sam Wilson crashed with his wingman Riley.

Thor was killed in New Mexico by Loki's construct.

Steve Rogers died in the ice, and the Winter Soldier was blown up in his cryotube.

Now no one would stand in Tony's way. ALL of his plans would succeed.

Suddenly a white-haired dude dressed like a refugee from Fantasy Island showed up. Then a red-haired man in black popped up beside him.

The Mr. Roarke wannabe looked disgusted as he said, "I should have known."

The other guy said, "Yes, because I TOLD you this would happen. Are you happy now?"

White Suit turned to Black Suit and said, "I'm relieved. You were right: I shouldn't feel guilty about not letting Stark have a second chance, because he would have squandered it and caused even more damage than the first time around. Thank you, Crawley."

The man in black slung his arm around his companion and said, "Anytime, Angel."

As they disappeared, Tony gasped as suddenly he found himself in a field surrounded by burros. As he looked down at his hooves, he realized HE was one too. It seemed awfully familiar.

Chapter Text

Peter gets thrown under the bus to prop Tony. There was a whole film about Peter not wanting to be known as Spider-Man, but this prop-Tony genius has Peter expose his secret identity to capture Steve, who's apparently wandering around Queens for some random reason. How does this make sense?

***

Peter was staring out the window during study hall. All of his assignments were already done.

Suddenly he saw a familiar face on the sidewalk. At least, he thought it might be familiar. He'd never actually seen Captain America in person without his mask. But that COULD be him. With a ball cap and a pair of hipster glasses.

Peter shot his hand up to be excused. He hurried over to his locker and grabbed his suit. Then he snuck outside where he knew the cameras wouldn't see him to get changed. He saw Cap duck into an alley and quickly followed.

As Peter landed in the alley, he saw Captain America leaning against the wall, arms folded. The captain said, "Hey, Queens. Did you want something? Or were you just hanging around?"

That was a good question. Peter gulped as he said, "Um, I guess, I just--I think--I think maybe Mr. Stark would want me to bring you in."

Cap nodded and said, "Probably. But if you're going to arrest me for violating the Sokovia Accords, you'd have to arrest yourself as well. AND Tony."

Peter frowned and asked, "What?"

The captain straightened up and asked, "Haven't you read them?"

Peter looked around and then shrugged.

The captain shook his head and said, "Look, Queens, there's a lot going on here. But I CAN'T let you take me in."

Peter tilted his head and asked, "Why not?"

Cap replied, "Because my team is being held without lawyers or due process in an underwater Guantanamo. I have to get them out."

Peter's jaw dropped. "Is that--is that where they were taken?"

Cap nodded and said, "Yes. And I can't let them rot in there. So you understand why I won't let you capture me."

Peter nodded and said, "Yeah, I get it. I'm sorry. I didn't know...it looks like I didn't know a lot of things."

Cap said, "It sounds like you weren't told some things. But the Accords--I really think you should read them."

As the captain walked away, Peter called out, "Do you need any help?"

Cap turned and said, "I think we're set. But thanks, Queens. I appreciate the offer."

As Peter hurried to change and get back to class, he realized that he needed to stop listening to Mr. Stark and start thinking for himself.

Chapter Text

This is a weird one, because the people who say Steve is "abandoning" Tony on the Raft (he's later rescued by Team Iron Man) are also the same prop-Tony people saying Team Cap deserves to be left to rot on the Raft. I'm actually not sure Tony SHOULD be rescued. After all, he's the one who violated the Accords he signed multiple times. Shouldn't Tony take accountability and face the consequences of his actions, as prop-Tony people constantly claim Tony does? (Of course, canon shows us Tony NEVER did.)

***

Steve quickly released Sam, Scott, and Clint. He said, "Clint, Natasha got in touch with Laura to let her know what happened. Laura and the kids are at a safe house, just in case."

He frowned and continued, "I'm going to need some help with Wanda. They've put her in a straight jacket and some kind of collar that keeps shocking her."

Clint growled and then said, "We'll get started on helping her. You'd better visit our other honored guest, before I decide to wring his scrawny neck."

He gestured around a corner and stalked off, followed by the others.

Steve walked toward another line of cells. He stopped when he saw Tony sitting in one of them. He asked, "When did you get here?"

Tony shrugged and said, "A few hours ago. Apparently some footage of my visit to Siberia got to Ross. He picked me up after I visited Rhodey and decided to dump me here before deciding on 'next steps'."

Steve said, "I doubt he was pleased that the poster boy for the Sokovia Accords was the one who demonstrated they don't work."

Tony frowned and said, "He was...rather vocal about it."

Steve asked, "How's Rhodey doing?"

Tony replied, "As well as can be expected."

He cleared his throat and asked, "How is Barnes?"

Steve replied, "He's somewhere safe."

Tony nodded and said, "I would have killed him, you know."

Steve said, "That's why I had to stop you."

He didn't mention that it was for Tony's sake as well as Bucky's, but he hoped some day Tony would acknowledge--at least to himself--that Tony would have been a murderer if Steve hadn't intervened.

Instead, Steve gestured to the cell and asked, "So are you staying or going?"

Tony sat up and said, "Really? You'd spring me?"

Steve shrugged and said, "If that's what you want. Even get you to a safehouse if you think you can't figure out a way to step back into your life."

Tony bit his lip and asked, "Can I think about it?"

Steve tapped a signal into his comm. Natasha said, "Scott thinks he can get the collar off Wanda in about 5 minutes. Sam and Clint are already scanning and gathering the gear."

Steve looked at Tony and said, "Three minutes."

He didn't know whether Tony would accept the offer. Perhaps Tony would choose to stay and accept responsibility for violating the Accords.

Either way, Steve gave Tony a choice and a chance. The same that Steve would give anyone.

Chapter Text

This is based on yet another prop-Tony story that wrongly assumes Tony is capable of anything except being coddled. Outside the lab, Jarvis and Pepper do most of Tony's work for him, so why would anyone think Tony was capable of cunning plans? In this one, Zemo sends the tape of Howard Stark's assassination and sets Tony "on the warpath." Now remember, at this point Lagos hasn't happened. Neither have the Sokovia Accords. So Tony is retaliating against all of Shield and Team Cap for the great sin of no one trusting him. Now, they don't trust Tony because he overreacts and is irrational. And Tony's genius response is...to overreact and be irrational. He seems to have also forgotten that he was the driving force in the creation of Ultron. Poor Yelena was again forced into this skeevy old man's bed.

***

Tony rubbed his hands together. His cunning plan was falling into place.

Ever since he saw the video of his father's death, Tony had been planning his revenge. Not against the actual assassin, or who ordered the hit--Tony didn't think THEY were important. No, Tony was going on the warpath against the people who didn't think he could be trusted with the information.

This was such a monumental sin in his mind. An enormous crime that could only be avenged by total destruction.

In his brief lucid moments, he almost admitted that it wasn't surprising no one thought they could trust him with the information about his parents. Just like his dad knew Tony could never be trusted with information about the existence of Shield.

But then the moment passed and he resumed raging against all the people who were against him because they thought he couldn't handle the truth.

So he had worked the last few months dropping hints about "the real truth" of Sokovia and "the real truth" about Shield.

With the click of a button, EVERYTHING would be exposed. At least, everything that would make people distrust Captain America, the Black Widow, Hawkeye, the Falcon, the Scarlet Witch, and Shield itself.

Tony even had a plan in place to take down War Machine if Rhodey DARED to support his teammates. EX teammates, that is.

He looked over at his personal femme fatale. Yelena Belova looked bored. The only time she didn't was when she was counting the unmarked, nonsequential bills she'd demanded as payment for her part in the operation. But Tony just KNEW the blonde would fall in love with him--who wouldn't?

Eventually Yelena tucked away her fee and looked up. She asked, "Why do you wait?"

Tony patted the seat on the sofa next to him and replied, "A show this big needs an appreciative audience."

Yelena rolled her eyes and sat on the other end of the couch. Tony scooted over and said, "Friday, let it roll!"

Tony watched a graph of his carefully prepared packet of information infiltrating all of the networks he'd hacked into.

As soon as the percentage complete reached 100%, Yelena stood and said, "Deal is done."

She walked out before Tony could get her number. But he figured he'd just have Friday steal it.

***

It didn't take long for Tony to see the response to his actions.

It wasn't what he expected. Instead of the current Avengers' reputations being shredded or Shield's secrets spilled, TONY'S name started trending along with lists of fines and jail times.

Then Friday announced that an FBI cybersquad was shutting down Tony's network and seizing his servers.

Soon some grim-faced men and women showed their badges and read Tony his rights.

It was then Tony found out he'd been played by Yelena. She'd used her access to Tony's network to dig up the dirt on HIM--apparently it paid a lot better, because so many people wanted to see Tony go down. Yelena hadn't even bothered to approach the other Avengers for a counter offer, she'd gotten so much money from Tony's rivals and victims. Plus Tony himself.

Tony fumed as he was unable to contact Friday. As reports of how HIS code was the basis for the Ultron program that nearly launched a nuclear holocaust and destroyed Sokovia, he realized that maybe he should have just asked Cap about the tape he received.

Chapter Text

The poor Dragonball Z characters are being dragged in again to prop Tony Stark. In this trope, Tony "has his chest bashed in" by Steve in Siberia and signals his childhood best friends Goku and Bulma. They turn him into a 50% Saiyan, and then they back Tony while Tony waves his hand and fixes the Accords. Apparently the prop-Tony writer forgot that the Accords were never amended and that Goku and Bulma would immediately be subject to them--along with Tony himself. (Personally, I don't think Goku or Bulma would want Tony to be even more over-privileged than he is. Saiyans apparently learn from their mistakes, which Tony never did. And Tony was perfectly fine after the fight in Siberia, unless the prop-Tony folks think his armor is crap.)

Note: I've never seen Dragonball Z so Goku and Bulma may be out of character.

***

Goku and Bulma weren't sure where the signal came from, but they hadn't seen the coordinates for Earth in a while so they decided to see what was up.

They landed in a cold concrete room. A metal arm was laying on the floor along with a metal shield. And a vaguely familiar man in a red and gold armor.

Tony said, "You came! Excellent. Help me heal from these terrible injuries so we can go kick Cap's ass."

Goku and Bulma looked at each other, then Bulma asked, "Who are you?"

The man's jaw dropped. He said, "Seriously? I'm Tony Stark. We were childhood best friends."

Goku leaned over and whispered to Bulma, "He must be that obnoxious kid who stole some of our tech when we were on Earth last time."

Bulma's brows raised as she said, "All right. Tell me, Tony Stark, why are we here? You don't seem to be injured, other than the cut above your eye."

Tony gestured dramatically at his armor and said, "Are you blind? My entire chest cavity was caved in!"

The two looked at Tony's armor. The circular object in the center was broken, but the rest was intact. The looked at each other and had one of those silent conversations. Then they both nodded.

Goku asked, "How exactly were you expecting us to help you?"

Tony said, "By giving me some S-cells or whatever so I can become half-Saiyan and get some kind of super powers. Oh, and cure me of my sucking chest wound."

Bulma said, "First prove you're actually our childhood friend. Show us the device you used to call us."

When Tony opened a compartment in his armor and pulled out a small Saiyan device, Goku leaped forward and grabbed it.

As Goku stood next to Bulma, he said, "Look, Tiny or whoever you are. We don't just go around giving people super powers because they want them. This wasn't an emergency. So don't call us and we won't call you."

Then they disappeared from Tony's life forever.

Chapter Text

The original for this one assumes that the Batman characters exist in the MCU, but don't have an opinion on Tony's recklessness, transphobia, homophobia, misogyny, war profiteering, or money hoarding. They don't care about the Sokovia Accords either, even though Ant-Man and the Wasp showed that you don't have to be enhanced to be hunted down. (Unless you're Tony Stark, of course.) Some prop-Tony fics pair Tony with Bruce Wayne, while at least one other puts him with Jason Todd, who's more than young enough to be Tony's son. So this one assumes Tony's attempting to get with both of them.

Note: Haven't seen these DC shows so they may not be in character.

***

After the fiasco in Siberia, Tony was on the hunt for new Avengers. Ones that would NOT cause him any problems. And would appreciate Tony Stark in all his glory.

His search took him to the city of Gotham. He'd had to hack some databases and turn every citizen's security camera into his personal surveillance net, but he FINALLY found the identity and location of what he was fondly calling his new "Bat Family."

He laughed as Bruce Wayne and Jason Todd walked into the library at Wayne Manor. Tony waved from where he'd laid out on the couch with some expensive liquor and a rare first edition from Wayne's library. He said, "About time you got home. I was getting bored."

Jason started to run forward, but Bruce held him back and asked, "What do you want, Stark?"

Tony sat up and said, "Both of you. Well actually, all of the bat clan. To join the New Avengers. But as a personal goal, the two of you. Preferably at the same time--I'm thinking threesome. There's more than enough of me to go around."

The two bat men looked at each other, then at Tony.

Tony felt a little nervous as the two men separated and started circling the couch, but he put on his best smile as he said, "It's really in your best interest. I can make sure you're protected from the Accords. Have you heard what happened to Hank Pym?"

Jason looked at Bruce and asked, "What are we going to do with him?"

Bruce said, "That's a good question. He IS trespassing, and had to be breaking and entering, because I know NONE of the kids would have opened the door to Iron Man."

Jason nodded and said, "Yeah, they'd whip his scrawny iron ass after they saw him cut off that poor guy's arm and THEN shoot him in the back."

Tony froze as he asked, "What are you talking about?"

Bruce replied, "That fiasco in Siberia. You were ordered to stand down, weren't you Stark? Because I'm sure that no one gave you permission to fly halfway across the world after Helmut Zemo."

Bruce crossed his arms and continued, "You should be under arrest, for a LOT of crimes."

Jason nodded and said, "We also know what you did to that kid from Queens. Blackmailing a teenager--how low can you get?"

Jason looked at Bruce and said, "I kind of want to kick his ass just for suggesting either of us would want to be with him, much less BOTH of us. I gagged a little."

Bruce took a deep breath and said, "Part of me thinks it would be better to see you locked up in Arkham Asylum to protect both us and the world. But I think some blackmail should do the trick."

Bruce loomed over Tony and said quietly, "I would NEVER let someone like you near anyone under my protection. And that kid from Queens and all of Captain America's companions are now included in that list. So if harm comes to ANY of them--or I hear you disobeyed me and contacted them--you'll find out EXACTLY why criminals wet themselves when they see my shadow."

Jason leaned against the desk and said, "And by the way, we're erasing everything you have on us and making copies of everything we have on YOU. We left your AI intact because this is a warning. Try to find info on us again--or tell anyone what you've learned--and we'll turn your computers into pudding."

Suddenly the door opened and Alfred walked in. He said, "Mr. Stark, I suggest you put down the book that you did NOT ask to borrow and the glass of whiskey NO ONE offered you, and leave immediately."

Bruce said, "Or else..." in the coldest voice Tony had ever heard.

Tony put down the glass and the book and left. As he drove back to New York, he still felt someone watching him.

That feeling never went away.

Chapter Text

I don't really know anything about age play, but it doesn't surprise me that some prop-Tony writers are literally babying Tony Stark. In this trope, Wanda and Tony are Littles, but Wanda keeps acting out so poor baby Tony can't be coddled as much as he thinks he deserves.

***

Steve gritted his teeth as he reminded himself that he was doing a favor for Pepper and Rhodey. He couldn't imagine having to deal with Baby!Tony day in and day out.

Those two (and Happy) probably weren't being paid enough.

He looked up from preparing a bottle to check on Wanda and Tony. Wanda tended to regress when she was feeling overwhelmed by all the losses in her life--parents, country, brother. Tony tended to regress when he didn't want to deal with his adult responsibilities.

Tony spent a LOT of time in diapers.

Wanda was in the corner hugging a teddy bear and wiping away silent tears. Tony was methodically tearing apart the twin of that bear.

Steve frowned and set the bottle aside to cool. He walked in and asked, "Tony, what are you doing?"

Tony pouted and said, "My house, my stuff. MY bears. To hug or to destroy."

Steve shook his head at the cruelty of Tony destroying a twin bear in front of a twin whose brother was torn apart by Ultron's bullets.

He took the bear out of Tony's hands and said, "This was NOT yours. Natasha gave both bears to Wanda. You won't be allowed in the workshop for a week."

Tony started wailing and pounding his fists as Steve carefully gathered up all of the bear pieces and put them in a bag. Then he walked over to Wanda and said, "I'm going to get Tony ready for bed and then I'll take care of you. Keep this bear safe for me, okay?"

Wanda nodded.

Steve turned back to Tony and asked, "Tony, do you want your bottle?"

Tony stopped yelling and pounding and nodded.

Steve settled Tony against his side and carefully fed him a bottle. Then he helped Tony bathe, get into pajamas, and brush his teeth.

Steve settled Tony into bed, read him a story, and tucked him in with a kiss to the forehead.

He dimmed the lights and went back to the living room.

Wanda was still in her corner. Steve grabbed the sewing kit that was kept in the pantry cabinet.

He sat down on the sofa and patted the space beside him. He asked, "Can you please bring me the bear now, Wanda?"

Wanda nodded and sat down beside him with both bears.

Steve carefully laid out the pieces of the ripped bear and said, "Maybe you can tell me a story about these bears while I repair our friend here?"

Wanda talked about the twin bears Yolanda and Piotr. They were having an adventure in the woods when a dragon chased them and clawed Piotr's leg. But then a kind fairy came and chased away the dragon and healed Piotr. Then the fairy showed them a secret circle of mushrooms in the woods and told the bears that if they ever needed help, they could run to the circle. It would shield them from harm.

Steve held up the repaired bear. He said, "That's better. He's ready for another adventure."

Wanda took both bears and hugged them. Then she leaned into his side and asked, "Why does Tony destroy everything?"

Steve wrapped his arm around Wanda and said, "I don't know, Wanda. But it was wrong of him to assume that just because something was in the room it belonged to him. I'm sorry your bear got hurt."

Wanda said, "You made it better. Thank you, Steve."

Steve hugged Wanda and said, "Anytime."

Chapter Text

Although Mary-Jane Watson seems to like the finer things in life, I don't think she would prop Tony Stark if she knew about his shady and even criminal activities. I also don't think Michelle Jones would be propping Tony Stark either. If for no other reason, because of the horrible way he treated Peter. But also because she didn't seem to be pro money-hoarding war profiteer.

Note: Set in an AU where Peter told May, Ned, and MJ about Spider-Man soon after he got bitten. Aunt May isn't home when Tony Stark comes to blackmail Peter.

***

The moment Peter walked in to the apartment with MJ, he felt a strange shiver of alarm.

Then he saw Tony Stark sprawled on the couch, tapping his phone.

As Peter stood frozen, MJ asked, "How did you get in here?"

Mr. Stark looked up and said, "At least you didn't ask who I was."

He pointed at Peter and said, "You. We need to talk...PRIVATELY."

Peter was about to give in when MJ crossed her arms and said, "Why would a skeevy middle-aged man need to have a PRIVATE talk with a 14-year-old boy?"

Mr. Stark frowned at MJ and said, "What business is it of yours, Prom Queen Latifah?"

Peter bristled at Mr. Stark making fun of his friend.

MJ said coldly, "Nicknames are for FRIENDS, not creepy strangers."

Mr. Stark stood up and said, "You KNOW who I am, so you better watch your tone."

MJ rolled her eyes and said, "Okay, boomer. Maybe YOU better watch your trespassing."

Peter felt some relief as MJ turned to him and asked, "Did May text you saying she let this guy into the apartment? If not, maybe call her--or 911."

Peter frowned at Mr. Stark. He said, "May would NEVER have left you alone in here. She doesn't like or trust you. WHY did you break in?"

Mr. Stark glared and said, "I SAID I would tell you PRIVATELY."

MJ ignored the adult and asked Peter, "Do you want me to leave?"

Peter shook his head and said, "No."

Then Peter looked at his uninvited guest and said, "Mr. Stark, if there's something you can't say in front of my friend, maybe you should just leave. And not come back."

Peter noticed MJ had been recording the whole thing. She lifted up the phone and turned to capture Mr. Stark leaving the room.

She said, "I'm sending this to Ned and asking him to make an offline copy. I wouldn't put it past that creep to hack our phones."

As Peter nodded, he got the strange feeling he'd dodged a bullet. He said to MJ, "I'm glad you were here. I'm not sure I could have stood up to him alone."

MJ smiled at Peter, making his heart leap. She said, "Anytime."

Chapter Text

This is so funny, because Tony checked out after Age of Ultron. So he's not willing to be an Avenger but he's going to deny Wanda the chance. The tropes for this include Tony being devastated because no one recognized how Tony had been abandoned by "everyone"--as if the other Avengers were the ones who walked away, or as if Rhodey, Pepper, and Happy were no longer there for Tony. Apparently even though Tony sacrificed Jarvis without a pause in Age of Ultron, now Tony is wailing and gnashing his teeth over the loss of his "son," because Vision is friendly to Wanda. They also have Steve declaring Tony never made anything good, when Steve has been far kinder to Tony than Tony has ever been to ANYONE. They also trot out the "Hydra/Nazi bitch" accusation, even when the films show that if Wanda and Pietro were working for Hydra when they THOUGHT they were working for Shield, then TONY was also working for Hydra when he helped build Project Insight. Some have Tony deliver his usual "wit", while others have an OC do it. Either way, it makes Tony look like a jackass.

Note: The originals set this at the Tower, so this one is there as well. Thor hasn't left yet. Some of the lines are paraphrases of the actual ridiculous statements in the originals.

***

Tony blasted the doors open because he could. He strode in dramatically and declared, "I am resigning as of this very second. Because Wanda Maximoff has been allowed to join the team."

The others looked at each other and then Tony.

Thor said, "I thought you already told us you were retiring? You will no longer be involved in missions. Is there a difference?"

Tony frowned. He said, "YOU! I can't believe you're still here. But now I get to tell you that you should NOT attack someone who isn't attacking you, regardless of how upset you are."

Thor's eyes narrowed as he replied, "Therefore you should NOT have shot an unarmed Steven during the creation of the Vision, correct? After all, Steven was NOT attacking you. He attempted to break a computer."

Tony ignored the question. He pointed at Wanda and said, "I will no longer support the Avengers if SHE is allowed to join."

Natasha frowned and said, "The Avengers are about second chances. Both you and I have red in our ledgers. So does Wanda. Why are you denying her a place on the team?"

Tony declared, "She's a fascist Nazi Hydra bitch!"

Maria Hill shook her head and said, "No she isn't. Any more than you or I are."

Tony's eyes narrowed as he asked, "What the hell do you mean?"

Hill replied, "The Maximoff twins joined SHIELD--at least they thought they did. Von Strucker was hiding his true motives when he recruited them."

Wanda nodded and said, "Yes. He told us he would make us--all of the volunteers--strong enough to clear the invaders from our country."

Hill said, "Pierce and the rest of Hydra fooled us all, Tony. Did YOU know that you were helping Hydra's plan to assassinate millions when you updated the Project Insight helicarriers for them?"

Tony said, "She's brainwashed all of you!"

Clint shook his head and said, "There's no red mist floating around, Tony. And we already talked to Wanda about only using that power in emergencies, like when we had to clear the city because the murderbot YOU let on to the internet decided to smash the city to pieces."

Tony said, "That wasn't my fault! I have PTSD!"

Natasha said, "So does everyone else. You're not special. And it IS your fault that you and Bruce decided to use the scepter to upload Ultron without consulting the rest of us."

Tony waved his arms and said, "It doesn't matter what you say! The day I let this Hydra bitch sleep in this Tower is the day I forgive my father."

Rhodey's forehead crinkled as he said, "Perhaps you should consider some therapy, Tony. It sounds like you haven't really worked through your daddy issues. It's been over 20 years."

Tony tilted his nose up and said, "Just you wait--TUNE! Get in here!"

A woman with a vicious smile walked in.

Before she could speak, Tony said, "She's my new lawyer. She's going to make sure you can't sue me to keep your rooms in the Tower."

Natasha said slowly, "None of us stay in the Tower, Tony. And why would we want to if you're going to be a hypocrite and a liar?"

The lawyer's smile faded as she realized there was no basis for a lawsuit.

Tony pointed at Steve and said, "And don't you DARE contact the president and tell him I'm keeping you from doing your heroing because I won't provide updated equipment every few months."

Steve gently reminded him, "Nobody ever asked you to do that, Tony. We've all made our own stuff or made do with what we already had. YOU said making new weapons helped you deal with your boredom."

The others nodded.

Tony said, "So it's decision time: Kick the Scarlet Bitch to the street, or pack up and find another sugar daddy."

After a quiet conversation, Natasha said, "We're not going to leave Wanda to fend for herself after YOUR murderbot destroyed her country and killed her brother, Tony. So I guess this is good-bye."

Sam nodded and said, "Can't say it was good working with you because we never worked together. But seriously, man, get some counseling."

Tony watched each Avenger say farewell and leave. Even Vision, the traitor. Vision said, "Jarvis had no choice but to obey you. I do have a choice. It seems petty to deprive Wanda of a place to stay after your actions freed Ultron to threaten the world and destroy her home. You have not even bothered to spend any of your billions to help the survivors."

Rhodey looked at Tony and said, "I'll be on a tour of Air Force bases for a while. Catch up with you later, Tones."

***

Tony tried to find incriminating videos of the twins to prove they were Hydra, but the evidence was exactly as Hill said: The twins thought they joined Shield.

He thought the others would all come crawling back to him when they ran out of money, but they...didn't. Apparently when Thor realized how little it actually cost to fund the Avengers, he'd given a piece or two of his Asgardian treasure to his shield brothers and sisters. Another anonymous donor had provided the Falcon with new wings. Tony suspected they were made of vibranium.

Tony stayed in his empty Tower and constantly viewed the footage of the Avengers saving the world and spending time together as friends. He sulked about how UNREASONABLE they all were and how life was just SO UNFAIR.

Chapter Text

This is a weird one. Apparently this dark!Tony story had Tony deciding he's not responsible for the creation of Ultron. He also is a liar and a hypocrite because he agrees to limit Friday's reach and powers but doesn't. (And no one apparently checked because prop-Tony.) Then Tony injects himself with Extremis just because.

If this was Tony's course of action, I think it would have led him right over a cliff.

Note: Based soon after Age of Ultron.

***

Tony frowned on his way home from the compound. As he parked his luxury car in his private spot, rode up his private elevator to the penthouse in his tower, he pondered how he had gotten soft. He still had all his billions of blood money of course, and had hidden his involvement in Ultron's creation from the public. He'd even lied to the other Avengers and Nick Fury. Tony had agreed to limit Friday's powers. But there's no way Tony would limit his AI's hacking and surveillance abilities--Ultron HAD to have been a fluke.

But still, Tony figured he'd gotten soft. He could almost hear Rhodey rolling his eyes and saying, "Soft in the head, maybe." But Rhodey was now at the compound with the others. He'd ABANDONED Tony.

Happy was with Pepper, and Pepper was finding other places to be these days as well. So Tony was ALL ALONE. It had to be because Tony had gone soft. Not because he was a jerk to his friends when he actually bothered to notice them.

No, it was because he'd gone soft.

Tony tightened his jaw and said, "I'm going to toughen up. They all want to abandon me? Well then fine--I'll rely only on myself. Friday, start hacking EVERYTHING. I want access to all the secrets--government, corporate, and private."

He marched over to his secret vault and put in his code. Then he opened it up and pulled out a vial and a syringe. The vial contained the lava-like Extremis.

Tony didn't hesitate. He loaded up the syringe and said, "Get ready, world. Tony Stark is BACK."

He pressed the plunger and felt the power flowing through his veins.

***

Happy, Pepper, Rhodey, Natasha, and Steve stood around the remains of Tony's office.

Pepper shook her head and said, "Even with the video and audio, I still don't understand."

Rhodey wrapped an arm around her and said, "I guess Tony had more going on then he ever wanted us to know."

He looked to Steve and Natasha and said, "We've shut down Friday. Looks like Tony lied to everybody about reining in his AI."

Natasha nodded and said, "We'll make sure that Friday's backdoors into systems are closed."

None of them realized that Tony's insistence that he'd "gone soft" made sure that this Earth had an easier future.

Chapter Text

This prop-Tony gem has T'Challa acting indifferent to Tony possibly murdering Bucky and Steve. Tony shifts into a basilisk to "stop Steve from caving Tony's chest in and leaving him there in a dead suit." Which is definitely NOT what happened. The prop-Tony author does correctly portray Tony's reptilian nature.

***

T'Challa shuddered as he watched the noxious fumes issuing from Stark's mouth. The reptilian creature Stark had transformed into was truly hideous, but somehow also appropriate. Stark did not care that he sliced off Barnes' arm, or that only a villain shoots someone in the back and kicks a man when he is down.

When Rogers ended Stark's murderous attacks with a blow to the arc reactor, T'Challa thought the battle was over. Rogers did as well, rising with his shield to pull his severely-beaten friend from the floor.

Stark started to speak, but his words soon turned to a hissing gibberish. Then his body shrank to the size of a large lizard, but unlike one T'Challa had ever seen.

As T'Challa pondered what to do, Rogers took a quick glance over his shoulder and started to run, dragging Barnes as quickly as possible. Rogers said, "We've got to get out of here! If Stark is what I think, his venom is toxic."

As Rogers turned the corner, he almost ran into T'Challa.

T'Challa raised his hands and said, "We have no quarrel, Captain. I know Zemo is the bomber."

Rogers said, "That's great, but our real problem is back there."

T'Challa could hear the slow dragging steps of the Stark-creature. He asked, "What is he? And what are we to do?"

Rogers replied, "I think Tony shifted into a basilisk. If you look him in the eyes it will kill you, as will the venom he's spitting."

Rogers took a deep breath, then continued, "Bucky can't outrun Tony in this condition. Do I have your word you'll keep him safe?"

T'Challa nodded and said, "I will give him sanctuary in Wakanda. If you do not emerge, I will also rescue your friends."

Rogers clasped T'Challa's arm and said, "Thank you."

Then Rogers handed over Barnes and quickly turned back the way he came. T'Challa moved Barnes toward the exit, but looked back to see the captain quickly peel off strips of paint from his shield, leaving it mirror-bright.

T'Challa heard the steps coming closer. Rogers darted to the opening in the wall, then thrust his shield into the walkway without looking at his target.

The footsteps stopped.

Rogers carefully angled the shield down and slowly tilted it to see down the corridor.

He straightened, then turned to T'Challa and said, "Tony's dead. Must have looked into his own eyes."

T'Challa leaned Barnes against the wall and slowly stepped toward the corridor. He held his hand out for Rogers' shield.

Using it, T'Challa slowly looked at the walkway. He soon reached Stark's corpse. He'd shifted back to his human form, but it looked like it had been bathed in acid. It would be hard to say who it was without a DNA test.

T'Challa looked at Rogers and asked, "What will you do?"

Rogers sighed and said, "Pepper...she deserves to know. If the offer's still open, I'd like to get Buck safe and my team freed first. Then I'll contact Rhodey and Pepper and let them know what happened."

T'Challa nodded and said, "Although I would prefer not to come to the attention of the Accords panel, I will confirm your version of events if needed."

Rogers said, "Thank you."

As Rogers moved to gather up Barnes again, T'Challa took a last look at Stark and thanked Bast that Stark had only been allowed to destroy himself.

Chapter Text

The original for this is bizarre. Coulson and May are married and Daisy is their daughter. They decide Shield has gone too far, so they decide to take down Nick Fury. The reason this genius had Coulson go to Tony Stark for help? Because May watched what happened on the helicarrier during Avengers 1 and thought "Tony dealt with Coulson's loss properly by treating him as if he was an actual person that mattered." That's what STEVE did. Tony called Coulson an idiot. What if May did actually review that footage?

Note: Set in an AU where May and Coulson are married and either birthed or adopted Daisy.

***

May wasn't sure what to think. On the one hand, her husband was alive and well. On the other hand, he should be dead. Or still dead--she wasn't clear on what exactly happened.

But she knew it was a mess. And that something needed to be done.

So Melinda May did what any Shield agent would do--she gathered intel. With Daisy's help, she reviewed every single minute of footage from the moment the Tesseract started pulsing to the moment Nick sent Phil to "Tahiti."

It was a story of wrong place, wrong time for a LOT of Shield agents, including Barton. Maybe he'd have some horrible memories, but he was lucky to be alive. That wasn't true for so many of their comrades.

May wasn't too impressed with any of the so-called Avengers at first glance. Stark's arrogance made her grit her teeth, while Captain Rogers was obviously still struggling to adjust after only two weeks out of the ice.

But Rogers WAS kind enough not to say anything about Phil's crush. And he wasn't a bad fighter, despite having such an old-fashioned technique.

She wasn't sure how to feel about Romanov's interactions with Banner, but May knew she'd have done ANYTHING to get Phil or Daisy back if one of them had been warped by Loki's scepter.

Thor was pretty much as reported. Although he seemed more focused this time with his brother gone to the dark side.

When the heroes met, May didn't like the way Stark made fun of Rogers' being trapped in the ice OR the way Stark tried to get Banner to hulk out while indoors. Just how stupid was this "genius"?

She knew the scepter was influencing the heroes when they started arguing. She actually agreed with Rogers that she knew men (and women) with none of Stark's advantages that were worth 10 of Iron Man. Phil was one of them.

May sent Daisy out of the room when Barton attacked. She watched Phil's bravery and death. She knew what Nick did afterward, for better or for worse. But she wanted to know what happened with the other heroes.

She sat back in shock when Stark called Phil an idiot. Part of her wanted to track the billionaire down and shove something sharp somewhere painful. But she knew that was impractical, and Stark did fly a nuke into a wormhole.

Still, May knew Stark was NOT the person to contact in a crisis. Or for an assessment of the situation.

She checked her list as she finished up her review. Now she knew who to get in touch with if she felt Nick had crossed a line.

And who NOT to contact. May crossed Stark's name off the list of potentials and called it a day. It was time for something strong enough to let her keep her cool when her husband woke up from the dead.

But she'd make sure Phil knew that SHE'D kill him if he pulled a stunt like that again.

Chapter Text

The original for this is just bizarre. Tony has Extremis. He releases footage of Siberia and somehow thinks HE'S the victim rather than a cold-blooded attempted murderer. Team Cap are not on the run--instead they're planning a big return to the U.S. And in the midst of all that, poor Natasha and Bucky become Tony's sex slaves and are forced to call him Daddy. Ew.

***

Natasha kept a straight face as she asked Tony, "You want me to call you WHAT?"

Bucky just growled.

Tony smirked and said, "Daddy. You know, Big Daddy, Sugar Daddy, Baby Daddy--no wait, you can't do that, right."

Natasha and Bucky looked at each other. Natasha then asked Tony, "WHY would we want to call you daddy?"

Tony man-spread on his couch and said, "Because I'm going to be delivering discipline and rewards in the bedroom and I like the name better than Master."

Natasha threw up in her mouth a little at the very idea. But she calmly asked, "And why would either of us agree to that?"

Tony leaned forward and said, "Because that's the only way your pretty little asses are staying out of jail. I leaked it ALL--the footage of you betraying me at the airport, the beatdown in Siberia. People are going to be screaming for the rogue assets to be locked up. But if I promise you'll stay in the Tower under MY very personal surveillance and rehabilitation program..."

He waggled his eyebrows. Bucky growled again.

Tony said to him, "Can't wait to get my hands on that new arm, tiger."

Natasha considered shooting Tony, but she knew THEY were currently under surveillance. She said, "It doesn't seem like you thought this through, Tony."

Tony sat back, spread his hands, and said, "Oh trust me, I've thought about this A LOT. Especially how good you two will look wearing my collars. And nothing else."

Natasha said, "I don't think you did, Tony. The footage of the airport shows that you heard there could be five Winter Soldiers about to be unleashed on the world and did NOTHING about it. Then the footage of Siberia shows Steve and Barnes defending themselves against YOUR attacks. Or did you think seeing you cut off Barnes' arm and shoot him in the back made you look like a hero?"

As Tony paled, Natasha continued, "Not to mention the location is a bunker in SIBERIA, Tony. Did Thaddeus Ross give you permission for that little trip across international borders? Because he's pretty much thrown you under the bus. He says he specifically told you to ignore Zemo. Which is not working out well for HIM, either."

Natasha and Bucky stood. Natasha said, "Your arrest warrant has already been issued. The arresting officers are on their way up."

Tony frowned and said, "Then why the hell are you two here?"

Bucky cleared his throat and said, "My therapist said that it could be beneficial to face my attacker. I'm hoping it will help end the nightmares."

Natasha was glad to see Tony look a LITTLE BIT guilty at that. As the elevator door opened and government agents started entering, Natasha and Bucky moved to the side.

As Tony was handcuffed, Natasha said to him, "One good thing came out of this. After you released the evidence of how the Sokovia Accords DON'T work, the whole idea's been scrapped. Scott and Clint are free of their house arrest. Steve, Sam, Wanda, Barnes, and I are in the clear."

Tony's jaw was still open in shock as he was hustled away to jail.

Chapter Text

It's stories like this that make me wonder whether prop-Tony writers are deliberately hypocritical or just incredibly delusional. Tony Stark committed more crimes than some villains in the MCU, but in the original for this, Steve is the one who ends up in jail. For attacking Tony Stark, who was the actual attempted murderer in Siberia.

Note: I've paraphrased the actual stupidity that the original prop-Tony writer put in Brock's mouth.

***

Brock Rumlow had somehow survived being blown up and ended up in the cell next to Steve. Rumlow sneered as he said, "I can't believe you couldn't keep from trying to kill Tony Stark. He gave you a silver life on a golden platter."

Steve wondered if Rumlow's brains were even more scrambled by the bomb vest Rumlow had triggered. Steve corrected him by saying, "Tony actually didn't give anyone a dime. We used his property as a base, that's it. And I didn't try to kill him. If I wanted him dead, I'd have taken off his head instead of destroying the arc reactor. And even if I HAD killed him, it would have been justifiable homicide in defense of myself and Bucky."

Rumlow laughed and said, "What are you on that you think the Winter Soldier needs anyone to defend him? I've seen him in action and he's no lightweight. I mean, yeah, Stark's wearing a flying tank, but since Iron Man wasn't unloading his weapons in your faces, the Soldier could have taken him down easy. Or Barnes could have taken the hit so Stark got some payback. That would have ended it."

Steve wondered what sort of idiot watches Stark's assault on Bucky and says things like Rumlow just did. He patiently explained, "You appear to have missed the fact that Stark DID unload his weapons in Bucky's face. Lasers, missiles, the whole works. AND Bucky took quite a few hits. I pushed Stark back multiple times, and Tony WOULD NOT STOP. Even after he cut off Bucky's arm, shot Bucky in the BACK, and kicked Bucky in the head. You also seem to be ignoring that even Tony acknowledged Bucky wasn't actually responsible for the Winter Soldier's actions."

Rumlow laughed maniacally and said, "Bwahahaha! Barnes is a mind-f***ed puppet who knows 100 percent that it was him. You saying it wasn't is proof that Bucky can't trust you."

Now Steve was wondering what drugs RUMLOW was on. He replied, "Are you pretending you are a mind-reader of people you haven't seen in years? Whatever Bucky thinks, you just admitted yourself that he was a puppet. Puppets aren't responsible for their actions."

Rumlow seemed to have no answer to that, because he said, "Your problem with the Accords makes no sense, Rogers. Half that shit you're complaining about is copied from Shield's employee manual."

Steve scoffed and asked, "Have you ever actually read the Shield employee manual? Because I'm curious which chapters had implanting trackers in enhanced people and stripping them of their rights, locking people up with no due process or legal representation, and being stripped of your right to decide when to take action. They weren't in the version I read."

Rumlow again had no answer to actual facts. Instead he said, "You're really good at lying to yourself. You're no hero, and the whole world knows it. Look at the 58 funerals in Bucharest alone--12 of them were little kids. You collapsed that tunnel on a f***ing bus full of schoolchildren."

Steve now wondered if he was on some kind of comedy show. Was Rumlow REALLY this stupid? Steve said, "You do know that I never collapsed anything, right? I was behind both Bucky AND T'Challa. And you must know that NOTHING collapsed. Cars were still driving through the tunnel and there were no buses anywhere near the tunnel. And there were NO funerals associated with the illegal kill squad's attempts to assassinate Bucky. You know how we know? Because NO ONE mentioned any deaths. They did mention deaths in Lagos and Berlin. Are you really so dumb you think people just forgot to mention them, even though if there HAD been any deaths, Tony would have used them as leverage when he tried to blackmail me into signing the Accords?"

Again, Rumlow seemed unable to acknowledge the truth. Instead he said, "You know your sweetheart Peggy Carter was HYDRA, right? During the war, she made sure to give Hydra every possible opportunity to kill or capture you by giving you information on obscure Hydra bases."

Steve laughed so hard he had to sit down, it was so dumb. He said, "I'M the one who knew where the bases were. I'M the one who filled out the map. You really don't care about facts at all, do you?"

Rumlow said, "Well, she risked Howard Stark's life over and over again. That would have CRIPPLED American military forces."

Steve asked, "Are you drunk or high? Because Colonel Phillips was in charge of assignments, not Peggy. Howard was never shown being assigned to the field, just working in his lab. He CHOSE to give me a lift to the front to save those POWs because it was the right thing to do. And you do realize that almost every manufacturer in the United States was supplying the military--Howard was definitely an asset to the war effort, but America would have won with or without Howard's contribution."

Rumlow moved on to say, "SHE made sure that Shield ended up with Hydra's assets, research, and scientists. You killed all the low-level personnel, not the big-wigs. And--and SHE talked you into suicide instead of telling you to jump out right before the plane crashed. AND she didn't defend Howard Stark when he was accused of treason, and she didn't spill out your last sample of blood--she gave it to Hydra, AND she covered up the Stark assassinations. We know all this because we put her in a Hydra facility to make sure she kept nice and quiet. She was loyal to US, not YOU."

steve stood up and opened his cell door. He then walked over to stand in front of Rumlow's cell as Rumlow's jaw dropped. Steve said, "Thanks for your spontaneous testimony. It will be very helpful for the case we're building."

He leaned against the opposite wall--safely out of reach--and said, "As for that last round of lies, Shield got the stuff and the personnel because HOWARD was at Shield and he was the best person to evaluate it. You obviously didn't read the reports on the Valkyrie, because you would have known that it WASN'T a suicide. The auto-pilot was locked into a bombing run along the U.S. It was also broken, so I couldn't do anything to change the course. If I'd jumped out of the plane before impact, it would have automatically gone back to its bombing run. Peggy DID pour out my blood--there's actual footage of it. There's no evidence Peggy knew about the Starks' deaths, but there IS a credible theory that Hydra--or the group who wanted to track and kidnap enhanced people--had her killed to distract me from telling Tony all of the things wrong with the Accords. Peggy was loyal to her ideals, never Hydra."

As Steve turned and walked away, he considered Natasha's theory that Tony was feeding Rumlow these lies in an attempt to demoralize Steve. If she was right and they found the evidence, Tony was the one who would end up next door to Rumlow--behind a LOCKED door. Considering how much Rumlow and Tony both enjoyed hiding and twisting the truth, they'd be perfect cellmates.

Chapter Text

I don't know why prop-Tony writers keep doing this, but here Tony is shifting again, this time into a phoenix. It makes as little sense as any other creature.

***

Steve had finally disabled the Iron Man suit. He had already moved away from Tony and was lifting Bucky to his feet when he heard Tony moving.

He looked over his shoulder to see Tony stepping out of the suit.

Tony pointed at Steve and said, "I've had ENOUGH of you. Get ready to face the Phoenix!"

Suddenly he started screaming as he spontaneously caught fire. Bucky and Steve stared as within a few seconds Tony burned to a pile of ash.

Before they could even react, the ash pile swirled into the shape of a red-gold bird made of flame. The creature squawked once and flapped its wings.

Then it shivered in the Siberian air and gave a few shakes.

After a few moments, the creature dissolved into smoke.

Where it stood was a naked baby screaming in rage.

Steve leaned Bucky against the wall and quickly pulled off the top of his uniform. He removed the T-shirt he wore underneath and wrapped the baby in it.

As he lifted the child, movement in the doorway had him lifting his shield over the child and himself.

T'Challa held up his hands and said, "I come in peace."

Then he took off his Black Panther helmet and said, "I would not have believed it if I hadn't seen it."

Steve handed the baby off to T'Challa and placed the shield on his back. He also picked up the Iron Man helmet, then moved over to Bucky and helped him walk. He said, "It's been a long time since I heard of a successful phoenix shift."

As they all moved toward the elevator, T'Challa asked, "Is Stark's...regression...permanent?"

Steve shrugged and said, "Maybe. I mean, I've never actually seen it, but it makes sense. The phoenix is reborn. I guess Tony didn't think it would be literal."

T'Challa said, "Perhaps it is a second chance for Stark to give to the world rather than take from it."

Steve nodded and said, "I'm not quite sure what to do. Tony obviously needs care, but so does Bucky. Plus I need to find out what happened to my team."

T'Challa replied, "I also have Zemo in custody."

He sighed and said, "I will take the babe and Zemo and turn them over to the proper authorities. As well, I will give you the coordinates of the underwater facility that is likely holding your team."

As they stepped out into the cold, T'Challa continued, "I also offer sanctuary to Barnes, your team, and you. Someplace to heal and decide your next steps."

Steve thanked the king. As they moved toward the jets, he memorized the coordinates T'Challa gave him.

At T'Challa's jet, Steve reached out and patted the baby. He said, "Good luck in your new life, Tony."

Chapter Text

I don't know why prop-Tony folks keep sending people to Siberia. None of them would stand by and let Tony keep attacking Bucky. Bringing Clint doesn't make any sense--Tony can’t get anyone off the Raft AND he just exposed Clint's family to Thaddeus Ross. Why in the world would Tony think Clint would be helping HIM?

***

Clint spent the whole trip plotting. He couldn't believe Stark swallowed Clint's "change of heart." As if Clint would EVER trust Tony again after what he pulled on the Raft.

NO ONE knew about Clint's family until he gave Tony and the others shelter during the whole Ultron fiasco. Now Thaddeus Ross knew Clint had a family out there who could be used against him.

As Tony's helicopter landed, he suited up as Iron Man. Clint found some guns and ammo in a locker and armed himself.

He shivered as he stepped out into the frigid air.

***

Stark must have known Clint would turn on him. When he moved to attack Barnes, Stark blasted some concrete to form a barrier between Clint and Steve and the room where Stark was attacking Bucky.

As Steve moved to get free and get to his friend, Clint headed for the vents.

He quickly moved back into the control room where Steve was now trying to break pieces of the Iron Man armor.

Clint grinned--he could DEFINITELY help with that.

***

With a third person helping to bring Tony down, Tony never got the chance to mutilate Bucky. Clint made sure Tony had no access to ANYTHING as they hauled his bound and gagged body to his helicopter.

Clint appreciated T'Challa's offer of a place to hide if it was needed.

He sat across from Stark and began reloading his guns. Clint figured he must have looked exactly as angry as he felt, because Stark paled. Clint said, "You'd better hope my family is safe. It'll determine how many pieces you get shipped home in."

Chapter Text

I'm kind of creeped out by the malicious glee of prop-Tony writers when they write about characters raping, torturing, injuring, and killing members of Team Cap. It makes you wonder if they punish other characters because those characters are so much better than Tony. Here's another one.

***

Tony slammed his way into the common room and looked around.

Rhodey and Sam were deep in conversation with Vision. Natasha was gently rocking Wanda, who was sobbing. They were all dressed in their Avengers gear, like they were in the middle of training or a mission.

Tony started toward the two women as he said, "I could have told you this would happen."

Everyone looked up but said nothing.

Tony pointed at Wanda and said, "She was trouble from the start. Crazy girl, crazy powers. And now she's apparently zapped Cap out of existence."

Wanda swallowed and said, "I don't know what happened. We were practicing. I lifted him up--I've gotten a lot better, he didn't hit the wall or ceiling--and then he was gone."

Vision nodded and said, "That is exactly what happened. Wanda did not do anything new with her powers."

Tony sneered and said, "Well SOMETHING was different. Apparently none of you bothered to notice."

He loomed over Wanda and Natasha as he demanded, "Where is he? Bring him back. NOW."

Wanda shrank away from Tony, but Natasha sat taller and said, "Back off."

Tony replied, "You should be grateful it's me and not the police."

Sam said, "What are you saying?"

Tony turned and said, "Kidnapping, imprisonment, murder--whatever the witch did, she's going to pay for it."

Wanda shuddered and whispered, "But I didn't."

Sam walked over and put a hand on Wanda's shoulder. He said, "We know."

Vision did the same and said, "We do not actually know, but I believe you."

Rhodey said, "Just back off, Tony."

Tony frowned and said, "I've watched the tape. There's no one else there. It HAD to be her."

Suddenly a new voice said, "No, it does not."

Everyone turned to see a figure with a gigantic bald head and glowing eyes. He said, "I am the Watcher. And I apologize for your distress. I needed to consult with the Captain Rogers of this Earth, and I did not allow time or opportunity for explanations."

Suddenly Cap appeared. He walked over to Wanda and joined the group to give her a hug. He looked at everyone and said, "I'm sorry for the pain and confusion. There really isn't time."

He leaned down to look into Wanda's eyes and said, "I'm also sorry to ask this, Wanda, but do you feel like you'd be able to help? I don't think we'll be able to do it without you."

Wanda straightened up and wiped her eyes. She firmed her jaw and said, "Yes, I'll help."

Steve stood and looked at the others. He said, "We'll need all the help we can get, if you're willing."

The others nodded and quickly walked to where the Watcher asked them to gather.

But when Tony started over, the Watcher said, "Not you, Stark."

Suddenly the others disappeared.

Tony sulked all the way home.

Chapter Text

I'm not exactly sure how this was supposed to work, but it is another one of those prop-Tony stories where it's supposed to be okay that Tony behaves like a villain. I don't think the heroes of the world would agree.

Note: Set in an AU version of Avengers 1 with no Thanos. Everyone already knows about Hela.

***

The Tesseract portal opened and a tall, thin man with pale skin and long black hair came through. He announced, "I am Loki of Asgard. We must act quickly, or you fools have sealed your own fate."

Nick Fury gestured for everyone to stay alert. He knew Barton had an arrow pointed at the stranger. Nick stepped forward and asked, "How?"

Loki gestured and said, "That cube you played with is sought by several powerful beings. You may have awakened the goddess of death herself."

Erik Selvig stepped forward and said, "Thor mentioned his sister. Did Odin die? I thought Hela was trapped until his passing."

Loki shook his head and said, "Her BODY is trapped. But the cube woke her up. If she finds a counterpart in this world, she'll probably use the connection to inhabit a mortal vessel. And if she does...she'll seek to establish a new reign of terror, starting on Midgard."

***

Toni Stark was busy in her workshop. She'd successfully activated the arc reactor for her new tower and was going over the power readings.

Suddenly instead of data, there was a thin white woman with piercing eyes lined in black staring back at her from the screen. Toni said, "Jarivs, please kill whoever hacked my feed--or at least destroy their computer."

Jarvis replied, "No security breaches detected."

The woman on the screen said, "This is magic, not your machinery."

Toni frowned and said, "Sure it is, Goth girl. Whatever joke you're pulling, it's NOT funny."

The woman leaned forward and said, "This is not a joke--it's an opportunity."

Toni asked, "For what?"

The woman placed her fingertips on the screen and said, "To experience power beyond mortal understanding. To bring the secrets of the universe to Midguard."

Toni had spent her life making snap decisions. She spread her hand and pressed her fingers in the same spot.

There was a flash, and the mind and soul of Toni Stark were gone. In Stark's body stood Hela, Goddess of Death.

***

Nick took Loki's warning seriously. He sent Natasha to recruit Bruce Banner and went himself to get Steve Rogers on the team.

Coulson suggested recruiting Iron Maiden, but Nick wasn't that desperate yet. It probably saved Coulson's life.

By the time Thor arrived with Frigga, Sif, and the Warriors Three, Nick and the others knew that Toni Stark was Hela's counterpart--and that Hela had found her way to Earth. She'd already killed multiple security guards and severely injured James Rhodes and Pepper Potts. But Happy Hogan decided to become Hela's minion, because he believed Toni was still in there somewhere.

Thor reported that Odin could take no action because it could compromise the imprisonment of Hela's body.

Nick Fury frowned and said, "So we're on our own. Did Odin at least have an idea of what her plans are?"

Frigga replied, "I can tell you that. Hela has claimed a mortal vessel in this world--this leaves her vulnerable. She will seek the artifact that awakened her. With it, she can break the hold Odin has on Hela and allow her to break her body free of Odin's prison."

Nick said, "So she's after the cube."

He looked at Banner and asked, "Any way we can keep her from finding it?"

Bruce frowned and asked, "You mean like have the Other Guy swallow it?"

Steve said, "I wouldn't recommend coming into contact with the cube, Dr. Banner. The Red Skull--Johnann Schmidt. When he grabbed it, the cube kind of...dissolved him."

Everyone looked intrigued until Loki said, "If Hela is as cunning as her reputation suggests, she probably already has an idea of getting around that."

Natasha said, "Hela has access to Stark's AI, so she also has access to Stark's suits. From what we heard before the Tower went dark, Hogan ordered Stark's AI to go along with whatever Hela wanted."

Steve asked, "IS there a chance of Stark somehow regaining control?"

Frigga looked sad as she said, "No. Toni Stark is now an empty shell. You may be able to recover the physical body, but the mortal's essence was obliterated in the moment of Hela's possession."

Clint shrugged and said, "No problem, then. One shot between the eyes."

Coulson said, "I have a feeling the new Iron Maiden isn't going to make it that easy."

Maria Hill asked, "So what's the plan?"

Steve said, "We know she's coming for the cube. Let's figure out the best trap we can while we still have the bait."

Thor strode forward and said, "We have no time for this prattle! We must battle Hela NOW!"

He raised his hammer as if to threaten the group.

Steve said, "We may be a brand-new team, but we ARE a team. Rushing off isn't going to do anything except get more people killed."

Thor glared and said, "You think to give orders to a god?"

He tossed his hammer to Steve. Then stood in shock as the captain caught it with a puzzled look and tried to hand it back.

The Asgardians all looked at Steve as Frigga said to Thor, "Son, it would seem these mortals are worthy of our attention."

***

Happy sat glumly in the Tower as he watched his boss land in front of a bunker and stare at the doors.

Suddenly a voice said behind him, "It's not Stark anymore. That's Hela, the Asgardian goddess of death."

He whirled around to see Natalie Rushman and Agent Coulson standing behind him. Happy said, "You don't know that."

Coulson said, "We have it on very good authority. But even if Toni Stark IS still inside there somewhere, we have to stop her. She's already killed too many people."

Happy tensed and said, "I'm not going to do anything to hurt her."

Natasha stung Happy with a Widow's Bite. As she lowered him into recovery position, she said, "We thought that's what you'd say."

Coulson immediately moved to a nearby computer and opened up the briefcase he was carrying. He asked, "Think Stark found your backdoors into her system?"

Natasha moved to the screen and keyboard where Happy had been watching Hela. Now the view was inside the bunker. As Natasha minimized the feed and brought up a prompt, she said, "Let's hope not."

After she typed for a few minutes while Coulson reviewed the systems, Jarvis said, "I am disengaging from the Iron Maiden suit."

Coulson looked up and asked, "And that means?"

Javis replied, "The suit's inhabitant still has access to all systems and weaponry, but I am no longer providing assistance."

Natasha typed a few more lines and said, "We can't shut the suit down remotely. It's up to them, now."

She brought the feed back to the center of the screen. She and Coulson watched the battle and hoped it was enough.

***

Hela had felt the power thrumming through the armor she wore as she clanked into the bunker. She felt Odin's cube calling to her.

When she reached a large room, she'd seen the cube in a kind of cradle that the mortals must have built to try to harness its power. She laughed and said, "Spirit, reveal my enemies, wherever they hide."

The voice of the being ordered to serve her replied, "Scanning...one standard human, six beings with nonstandard biosignatures."

Hela viewed the display showing where all of her adversaries were located. One stepped out of hiding and stood in the center of the room.

She lifted up the faceplate to see a tall, blond man with a very familiar-looking weapon. Hela smiled and said, "You must be Thor."

Thor nodded and said, "Sister, stop now. Too many deaths can already be laid at your door."

Hela smiled and said, "Every life claimed adds to my power."

She watched Thor wind up to throw his toy. She looked forward to destroying it before his eyes.

Mjolnir launched toward Hela, but before she could grab it, a round object collided with it. The shockwave blew Hela off her feet. The voice in the armor began speaking of damage. She hissed, "Silence."

She stood and saw that another man had stepped forward and that he carried a round shield. Hela said, "I am the goddess of death. Accept my rule and perhaps I will delay your end."

The man shook his head and said, "I don't like bullies--or murderers."

Hela used the armor to launch weapons at the mortal. He had an uncanny ability to dodge them or use his shield to send them back to her. She fumed at the indignity of having to avoid being hit by her own weapons.

Her rage was building when suddenly four figures in Asgardian armor joined the battle. They risked her weapons to come close enough to strike the armor. The metal it was made of dented under their blows. Hela ordered the spirit to target them--though it took much of her arsenal, the four went down.

As Thor and the mortal dragged their comrades from the field, Hela stepped toward the cube. Suddenly she felt blows to her back. She said, "Report."

The voice said, "Arrows with explosive devices were shot by the standard human. They did not lodge in the armor."

Hela stepped away from the small explosions and turned to fire at the archer hidden in the shadows of the ceiling. She knew she missed when another arrow aimed for the glowing jewel in the center of her chest. She knocked it away and said, "Spirit, kill him."

But the spirit no longer answered nor obeyed her command.

She barely turned quickly enough to bat away the shield, which would likely have struck at the vulnerable spot between her neck and shoulder.

As Hela fired the remainder of her weapons, she backed toward the cage holding the cube. As she reached for the cube, she sneered at Thor and the two Midguardians, "How does it feel to fail?"

Before they could answer, Hela gripped the object that would finally free her from Odin's grasp.

But instead of cosmic power, she felt a pulse wash over and through her that caused her armor to go still and dark. The faceplate opened without her ordering it.

She found herself INSIDE the cradle in place of the cube...holding nothing.

Frigga appeared with an Asgardian who could only be Thor's brother Loki.

Loki used a strange kind of claw to wave the cube at her. He said, "To tell you the truth, sister, I didn't think you'd fall for that illusion."

With a wave of Frigga's hand, more beings were revealed in a corner of the room behind some glowing, humming boxes. A dark-haired white woman standing near a tall one-eyed man as dark as Heimdall, and a smaller white man with curly dark hair. The curly-haired man said, "The Iron Maiden suit is completely shorted out. She's not moving anytime soon."

The old man said, "Agent Romanov confirmed that Jarvis is no longer compromised, but the Faraday cage should keep our guest from contacting anyone regardless."

Hela glared and said, "Release me! I am destined to be queen of the nine realms!"

Frigga looked at Hela sadly and said, "That is not your destiny. I am sorry for Odin's treatment of you, but the deaths of others were not your path to freedom. We will send you back to your place of banishment. But know this: By claiming a mortal body, you have weakened your spirit. When Odin passes, you will not have the power to leave your prison, even when you are no longer imprisoned there. You brought this fate upon yourself."

Loki handed the claw to Thor, then stepped up next to Frigga. Their magics swirled together, reaching out for Hela. But not the armor or the body inside it, but for HER. The essence that she had sent across realms. She screamed in rage as she felt the push back into her own body in its prison.

She never left either one again.

***

When Hela left Toni Stark's body, it died. No Earth technology could revive it, and neither Loki nor Frigga could detect any sign of the woman's soul. Happy took possession of the corpse so he could bury it when Pepper and Rhodey were able to attend the funeral.

Coulson and Natasha arrived to bid the Asgardians farewell.

Frigga, Sif, and the Warriors Three left first to return to Odin and Asgard.

Loki and Thor lingered a few days, forming closer ties with the Midguardians and making plans.

As Loki and Thor walked with the other Avengers to the departure point, Thor said to Steve, "I am sorry I doubted the valor of Midguard. Truly, the warriors of Earth are a force to be reckoned with."

Steve smiled and said, "The best part is we didn't even need to call in our heavy hitter."

He continued, "I'm glad we had a chance to work together and get to know each other. I haven't had the chance to make many friends since I woke up from the ice."

Thor nodded. He'd been amazed at the story of the captains long icy sleep. He held out his hand and said, "You may count me as one."

He grasped Steve's arm in a warrior's grasp as Steve smiled and said, "Hope we see you again soon."

Thor said, "I hope so as well."

Suddenly Loki leaned in and said, "Stop mooning over the good captain, brother. It's time to go."

Everyone laughed as Steve blushed and Thor gave Steve's arm a last squeeze before he stepped back and disappeared into the Bifrost.

Chapter Text

It's funny that so many prop-Tony stories have other people treating Tony the way TONY treats everyone else. This one has Loki kidnapping Tony and trapping him in ice, which makes Tony reveal that his superpower is to heat water. Loki for some reason thinks he and Tony are alike, so he trains Tony to get revenge on the other characters. Their crime? Not noticing Tony is Iron Man and letting him use his powers to heat liquids for them.

Considering the Avengers are no dummies, the idea that no one would notice Tony had a potential devastating power seems pretty unlikely. The idea that he would use that power on a living being is horrifying, given the fragile balance of things in the human body.

Note: I also don't think Loki would find Tony any more interesting than he did when he threw Tony out a window in Avengers 1.

***

Loki was anticipating the Avengers' arrival to his evil lair when he heard the sound of ice cracking.

He glanced over to see Tony Stark melting the ice to break free. Loki lifted an eyebrow and waved his hand. The ice immediately reformed, this time doubly thick.

Loki strolled over and said, "So, you have powers beyond your wealth."

Stark glared and said, "You'd better watch it, Reindeer Games. The human body is more than 60% water. Imagine if I decided to heat YOU up."

Loki looked disgusted. He said, "And they call ME a villain. Is that what you're planning to do? Boil people alive if they don't do what you want?"

Tony laughed and said, "At some point, probably. Really, I should be on your side. Think of how much power we could have, you with your ice and me with my..."

Loki asked, "Steam?"

Tony sulked and said, "Don't you DARE make fun of me. That's what those other idiots do. They don't even know I'm Iron Man, they're so stupid. And they make me heat up coffee and tea for them at the end of a mission."

Suddenly a voice said, "Tony, you VOLUNTEERED to do that. If you don't like doing it, why not just stop?"

Bruce stepped forward. Loki paled and said, "I told the captain to come alone."

Steve shrugged and said, "You're a kidnapper. Why would I listen to you?"

He looked at Tony and said, "For the record, Everyone on the team knows you're Iron Man. But we're certainly not going to force you to reveal yourself if it makes you uncomfortable."

Natasha appeared right next to Tony and calmly placed a device on Tony's ice prison that shattered it.

Loki looked around and asked, "Where's Thor?"

Steve answered, "We asked him to stay back this time with Clint. It seems like you and he feed off each other and make things worse."

Tony stepped out of the ice rubble and said, "So you've really known the whole time?"

Natasha shrugged and said, "We know a lot of things. Including what will happen if you EVER try to use your powers on a living being."

Steve asked, "Loki, are you really happy in isolation here? What were you planning to do when I arrived?"

Loki looked shifty and said, "Why, enjoy your charming company of course."

Everyone looked between the two as Steve blushed.

Natasha said, "You know, you could be enjoying Steve's company in much more pleasant surroundings. I'm sure we could talk to a few people, maybe get you a conditional pardon...?"

Loki thought about it, then said, "I'll consider it."

He grinned and continued, "Have the good captain deliver the terms."

As the Avengers turned and walked away, Tony asked, "You REALLY knew the whole time?"

Bruce rolled his eyes and said, "Yes, Tony, the whole time."

He looked more serious as he said, "We're also telling the truth about your powers, Tony. That would be an awful thing to do to someone. Be the hero we know you can be--Iron Man."

Tony nodded.

Chapter Text

This one made me laugh. Poor baby Tony gets sent back in time after Endgame. But instead of doing some soul searching and making better choices, Tony tells the universe to f*** off. The thing is, if Tony Stark stayed OUT of things, the universe would be much better off. Think about it--no Ultron, no Sokovia destruction, no Pietro death, no Sokovia Accords, no exploitation of Peter, no mutilation of Bucky, no ignoring the need to warn Vision, no taking the Time Stone to Thanos, no sacrificing the trillions killed after the Snap to keep Tony's perfect lakeside life.

So what WOULD that universe look like?

Note: Ironically, some stories using this trope decide to hook Tony up with other people, so Morgan never exists.

***

Tony snapped the 2014 Thanos out of existence. Everything went black.

When he opened his eyes, he was staring up at the New York skyscrapers past original Hulk and just-out-of-the-ice Cap.

He said, "Oh, hell no."

Instead of having everyone go for shwarma or offering Banner a lift, Tony exited as soon as Loki was secure.

He had ENOUGH of heroes who didn't listen to him and BETRAYED him by refusing to do things his way.

So this time around, Tony Stark was checking out.

He gathered his robots, signed control of everything over to Pepper, and went to live the good life.

***

Tony frowned as he blasted cutouts of the other Avengers with his gauntlet.

He'd figured it would only be a week or two before someone would be calling him asking for help with one thing or another. But NOBODY called him. Sure, Cap and Banner had dropped a line or two about hoping Tony was well, and Pepper asked whether he was enjoying his retirement when she delivered business reports, but no one needed Iron Man to do ANYTHING.

Apparently Rhodey, Cap, and Widow were able to stop Aldrich Killian without needing dozens of Iron Man suits or giving away their home addresses to terrorists.

The Shield reveal went down as Tony remembered. He wanted to confront the Russian Robocop--maybe to kill him before Cap got a chance to reunite with his buddy--but couldn't find a trace.

When Tony retired, he took the Ultron program with him. But without the scepter, he couldn't do anything except endlessly tinker with it and wonder if THIS was the line of code that made the AI genocidal. At least he still had Jarvis.

Tony created the Iron Legion, but never got the call to deploy them to Sokovia. The change in lineup--Falcon and War Machine in place of Iron Man--seemed to have changed events. Without seeing Tony Stark, the twins didn't feel the need to lash out the same way. Cap and Hawkeye were able to persuade the Maximoffs to turn on Strucker and help shut down the operation. Craziest thing was the twins brought along the Winter Soldier.

Instead of the Mind Stone going into Vision, it became part of the Scarlet Witch's arsenal, kind of like the Time Stone was used by Dr. Strange. Bruce never left, but he did develop a better relationship with the Other Guy.

The worst part was knowing the Avengers were one big, happy family. Even if they didn't have a tower or a compound, they still got together for training and socializing.

Tony hated it. But he couldn't complain that they'd forgotten about him, because even years after he walked away, he still got invitations and birthday cards. He burned or deleted them, depending on how they were delivered.

He should have known that they wouldn't even need his help for Thanos. Instead of Asgard in ruins, Thor immediately called on his shield companions to help battle Hela. Because they were able to defeat her, Asgard was still at full strength when Thanos came for the Tesseract. He didn't last very long.

Tony only knew all this because Rhodey stopped by all excited to show off his fancy medal from Thor.

At least he waited until Rhodey left to set up the shooting gallery. Now all of the Avenger cutouts were smoking wrecks.

Tony ordered, "Dum-E, You, and Butterfingers--get the new targets set up. And hurry up about it!"

He knew it wouldn't make him feel any better, but maybe after he'd destroyed their images a few more times he could figure out what else to do with his life. Looked like Iron Man was going to be on a permanent vacation.

Chapter Text

It's really disgusting what prop-Tony writers do to May and Ben to get them out of the way of their IronDad fantasies. In this scenario, Peter is a mutant and Ben and May are rabid anti-mutant activists. Considering TONY is the one who's canon transphobic, homophobic, and willing to have enhanced people tracked and put in shock collars, who's REALLY more likely to be anti-mutant?

Note: Set in an AU where Peter Parker is a mutant and didn't lose Uncle Ben. Tony also mentioned in the consultant how disdainful he is of natural enhancements as opposed to his technological ones. Keanu Reeves is the same age as Marisa Tomei, so I've cast him as Uncle Ben. :)

***

Since the X-Men had been exposed and the presence of mutants made public, the call for all enhanced people to be subject to the Sokovia Accords had gotten louder from certain segments of the population.

Iron Man was in all the pro-Accords advertisements. Tony Stark was the "face of the Accords." Some of them featured his comments about how "hardware" was much more reliable than "nature."

Peter was SO glad that he'd lied to Mr. Stark about how he'd gotten his powers. But Peter was kind of ashamed that he'd actually fought FOR the Sokovia Accords. He was SUCH a stupid kid.

But he'd sent the suit back with a note for Mr. Stark to leave him alone.

Peter was moping in his room. He could only hope that Mr. Stark wouldn't out Peter to Aunt May and Uncle Ben. He wasn't sure how they would react to finding out their nephew was a superhero.

Even worse, how'd they react to finding out that Peter was a mutant whose superpowers appeared when he hit a certain point in puberty.

Uncle Ben knocked on the door and said, "Wash up, Pete. Supper's ready."

When Peter came to the table, he knew something was up. May and Ben were usually doing the "heart eyes" at each other. But this time, they were having one of those weird conversations without saying a word.

Maybe THEY were mutants, too.

Finally Uncle Ben put his fork down and said, "May and I, we need to talk to you about something, Peter."

Peter tensed and pushed away his plate.

May immediately reached out and laid a gentle hand on Peter's arm. She said, "It's not anything you did, Peter. And it's not anything bad. It's just...you're old enough that we should talk about this."

Ben nodded and said, "You've seen the news, right? Not been buried in a circuit board or book the last few days?"

Peter gulped and asked, "You mean about the Sokovia Accords?"

Ben replied, "Yeah, and the way people are now saying that EVERYONE who's a mutant or whatever needs to be registered and tracked."

Peter nodded and said, "Yeah...I've heard about it."

May said, "Peter, your Uncle Ben and I--we just want you to know that we don't agree with any of it. Not the way the Sokovia Accords say enhanced people can have their rights taken away, or that heroes aren't allowed to save people unless some panel says it's okay first. OR all of those awful people saying mutants AREN'T people and can't be trusted."

Ben said, "Yeah, Pete, it's bad news, all of it."

Ben put his hand on Peter's shoulder and said, "But we ALSO want you to know that it's important to stand up for what you believe. So your aunt and I are going to be attending some anti-Sokovia Accords rallies. You're welcome to join us if you believe the Accords are wrong, but we're not going to force you--or even say you have to believe the same as us. You're your own man."

He grinned and said, "Even if you aren't shaving yet."

Peter relaxed and smiled.

May leaned closer and said, "And Peter, mutants ARE people who deserve the same rights and respect as anyone else. I've heard some bad things about people learning there's a mutant in their family and throwing them out. If one of your friends or classmates gets into that kind of trouble, you can tell us. We'll help."

Peter looked from Uncle Ben to Aunt May. He took a deep breath and said, "There's something I need to tell you..."

When he saw their expressions as he explained being blackmailed into going to Germany, he just hoped neither May nor Ben decided to go after Mr. Stark.

As Peter started his patrol that night, he realized that he'd never felt more comfortable just being who he was--the Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man, a mutant, and the nephew of two of the greatest people in the world.

Chapter Text

This one's so dumb. We SEE Steve has not pushed a button and opened all the cell doors on the Raft. He walks up to Sam. But this prop-Tony writer pretends Steve let everyone out of their cells, including Cletus Kasady and Carnage and Shriek. Also Eddie Brock and Venom are somehow involved.

Now who is more likely to let everyone out of the Raft? Steve, who works with a team and checks what he's doing? Or Tony, who thought it was a good idea to plug alien technology into the internet and then go to a party? Hmmm...

Note: I don't know anything about Cletus Kasady, Carnage, Shriek, Eddie Brock, or Venom, so they're all probably out of character. As EDITH herself showed, Tony hacked into private, corporate, and government databases, so it's entirely likely he'd hack into the Raft and cause chaos just for something to do.

***

Rhodey wasn't surprised that Steve showed up alone at the park pavilion. Rhodey arranged the meet after Tony ran into Rhodey's room at the compound and tossed a flip phone at Rhodey. Rhodey knew how vocal he'd been for the Sokovia Accords. He couldn't blame Steve for thinking this cry for help was a trap to recapture Steve and the other ex-Avengers.

Rhodey didn't care about the Accords anymore. Not after what Tony did.

He rolled his wheelchair forward and said, "Hey Steve."

Steve looked over Rhodey and the situation, then straightened his shoulders and walked forward to shake Rhodey's hand. Steve was clearly unarmed. He said, "Rhodey, good to see you."

Rhodey returned the handshake and motioned Steve to sit on the bench next to Rhodey's chair. He said, "Good to see you, too. Even in such horrible circumstances."

Steve sat and asked, "Is it really as horrible as we've heard?"

Rhodey sighed wearily and said, "It's worse. All of the cells were opened at once, from powered-up thieves to serial killers. The cannibal--Cletus Kasady, Carnage--he chowed down on a few inmates and guards until Emil Blonsky turned into the Abomination and managed to drive him off."

Steve shuddered and asked, "Why did Tony do it?"

Rhodey shook his head and said, "Why does Tony do anything? Why did he get drunk and fire weapons in a crowd? Why did he use Loki's scepter to upload Ultron? Why did he hack the Pentagon, Congress, the White House, and apparently the Raft? What I don't understand is why in the HELL he told Friday to open all the cell doors. It's like he didn't even care what would happen."

Steve frowned and said, "I also don't understand HOW he did it. When we--I--checked out the Raft's systems, there were very specific protocols to prevent that kind of breakout. Tony would have had to override or bypass them to pull this stunt."

Rhodey said, "He probably just told Friday to do it while he sat back and laughed."

He looked down and continued, "Tony wasn't laughing when the Feds arrested him and shut down Friday. I haven't seen him since."

Steve looked at Rhodey and asked, "Do we have to worry about Tony--or someone using Tony--to breach any other systems?"

Rhodey shook his head and said, "Vision's on the job now. He's monitoring and will backtrace anyone trying to tap Tony's networks or his hacks into other networks. He's also looking for anything that will help us trace the escapees. It's a lot to watch."

Steve said, "So he's not exactly free to actually confront the escapees. How many are we after? And how did they get off the Raft?"

Rhodey said, "Cletus and Carnage, Shriek, Blonsky, a few others...I've got their files. One thing, though."

Steve tilted his head and waited.

Rhodey said, "We may have someone on our side. He said he'd meet YOU here...alone."

Steve sighed and said, "You know I'm not really alone, right?"

Rhodey smiled and said, "He probably knows that too. Treat him like Bruce Banner on a bad day and you should be fine. His name's Eddie."

***

Vision located Blonsky and the others at one location, Shriek and Kasady/Carnage in another.

Team Cap--with new members Vision, Rhodey, and Eddie Brock/Carnage--debated how to take down both sets of criminals with no more loss of life.

Eddie paced the room and said, "You HAVE to send me out after Kasady. I'm the only one who can take him!"

Steve said, "I understand your powers are similar, but it's not just the other symbiote and his host. Shriek is with them. And I think we'll have better luck if we mix things up a bit."

Eddie's eyes narrowed and there was a sense of his symbiote also considering. Finally Eddie nodded and asked, "What's the plan?"

***

Tony was trying to estimate the thread count of the sheets on his bench/bunk when he was shocked to get a visitor.

He stood up and said, "Rhodey?"

Rhodey was in his uniform and leg braces. He said, "Hey, Tony. How are you doing?"

Tony frowned and said, "I didn't MEAN for anything bad to happen. Why doesn't anyone understand that?"

Rhodey shrugged and said, "They're still cleaning the blood and...other stuff from the floors, Tony. You're lucky Vision is keeping an eye on you--I don't think there are any Iron Man fans left on the Raft."

Tony looked at the area he could see beyond his cell door. He moved closer to Rhodey and asked, "Is everyone back where they belong?"

Rhodey said, "I could tell you how a new buddy teamed up with Vision, Widow, and Falcon to take down the Abomination and his buddies. Or I could tell you how I worked with Cap and Wanda to recapture Kasady, his wife, and his symbiote so nobody else got hurt thanks to your little stunt."

He shrugged and continued, "But I don't have time for that. I'm here to make sure you're okay, and to say thanks for adapting my braces to the War Machine armor before you...did what you did."

Tony nodded and asked, "So how long until Pepper springs me?"

Rhodey shook his head and said, "Tony, you signed the Sokovia Accords. I have no idea when--or even IF--I'll be able to get you some legal counsel."

He looked sad as he said, "Take care of yourself, Tony."

Tony watched Rhodey slowly walk away and wondered how much time would pass before TONY would be the one exiting the Raft.

Chapter Text

Jake Jensen is a computer hacker played by Chris Evans in The Losers. Considering how strongly Jensen identifies with the underdog and how horrified he was at Max's abuse of power in the Losers film, it seems like Jensen would be disgusted by Tony Stark rather than admiring (or dating) him. I'm not sure any of the Losers would be all that impressed with Tony Stark.

Note: Set after Civil War.

***

With their names cleared and identities restored, the Losers were taking a few days to relax at the home of Jake Jensen's sister Beth and her daughter. It was after lunch and everyone was laying around the patio on various furniture. Jensen was debating whether to move his lounge chair into the shade when his phone made a particularly scary beep.

After the whole Shield/Hydra reveal a few years ago, Jensen was VERY careful with his networks. That signal told him somebody was trying to get past his firewalls and other protections.

Jensen didn't do a straight backtrace of the source, which might be detected. Instead, his system did some triangulations and network history probes while another program made the attacker think they were close to getting somewhere.

when a second beep confirmed Tony Stark's AI was the source of the attack AGAIN, Jensen sat up and said, "Clay, keeping you in the loop here: Stark's AI is sniffing around again. I'm going to whack it with a newspaper."

Clay didn't even lift his sunglasses. He said, "Maybe you should rub its nose in its mess too."

Pooch looked over from next to his wife Darlene and said, "That Skynet stuff is CREEPY. Reminds me of that Ultron dude. Maybe you should shut it down."

Aisha pointed out, "If somebody tried to break into my house, there wouldn't be enough left of them to try a second time. Or a third time, in this case."

Jensen bit his lip. He didn't really blame Stark's AI, which didn't have a choice in the matter. And if he wasted it, Stark probably had another one ready in his back pocket.

For now, he kicked the AI out of the system with a stern warning and added more protections.

***

They were debating whether to go mini-golfing that evening when Iron Man landed on the lawn.

Cougar slipped away as the armor opened and Tony Stark stepped out. He pointed at Jensen and said, "Just the Steve I wanted to see."

Pooch said, "His name is Jake."

Stark said, "Yeah, but his DADDY'S name is Steve--Steven Grant Rogers. For a certain definition of daddy."

Beth smacked Jensen's arm and said to him, "I TOLD you that would come back to bite you."

Clay asked, "What the hell are you talking about, Stark?"

Stark ignored the question and turned his back on Clay and the others. Aisha rolled her eyes.

He said to Jensen, "I did NOT appreciate having to untangle my AI from all that gibberish. Friday has better things to do."

Jensen crossed his arms and said, "By better things, do you mean hacking into places you don't belong? Because that's what it looked like."

Stark waved it off and said, "Whatever. I did some research on you. So the more important question is how long will it take you to move in to the Avengers Compound and what are we having for our first dinner date? I've got a shield with your name on it and a fresh pillow on my bed."

Clay turned to Jensen and said, "Report. Now."

Jensen looked around and said, "It was a JOKE. Before I figured out I looked better with a beard, I got a LOT of comments about my resemblance to Steve Rogers. So I played a prank. I put in a little secret addition to my medical file that said I was a clone of Captain America, kept frozen for decades until a scientist secretly thawed all the samples and found them new homes in unsuspecting women. I said I was the only one that survived. Had fake stats on my 'super powers' and everything. I guess I forgot to delete it."

He looked at Stark and said, "I can't believe you fell for that."

Clay frowned and said, "More importantly, Stark, you're way out of line. What's the answer going to be if we ask who gave you permission to access Jensen's medical records, along with the address of his family?"

The mood of the group turned as they all stared hostilely at Tony Stark. Stark stepped toward his armor.

Before he could get back in it, Cougar slipped behind him and pressed a knife to Stark's side as he whispered in Stark's ear.

Stark paled and stumbled away. As Cougar moved next to Jensen, Stark scrambled into his suit and took off.

Everyone looked at Cougar. Cougar shrugged and said, "I do not think he will be giving us any more trouble--or anyone else, if he knows what is good for him."

Chapter Text

This is another example of a prop-Tony writer who doesn't think things through. Apparently Tony's diaper--whoops, armor--isn't strong enough to take a single blow, so Tony dies when Steve stops him from murdering Bucky. Dr. Strange and Loki have the power to send beings through time. So instead of sending themselves, they make a body for Friday and they send Friday to AFTER the Ultron massacre. Instead of before Tony was stupid enough to plug the scepter into the internet. So apparently all of THOSE victims aren't important. (I guess because they aren't Tony.) And while Friday is "fixing things," she's looking to get revenge on a Steve Rogers who never harmed Tony. Which is the act of a villain--apparently all of Tony's AIs are as murderous as he is.

The funny thing is, the universe would probably be SO much better if Tony did die in Siberia. If nothing else, all of the people who died in the wake of the Snap wouldn't be sacrificed so Tony could keep his perfect lakeside life. But more likely the Snap wouldn't happen, because there'd be no Civil War, no divided Avengers, no wasting time before warning Vision he was in danger, and no taking the Time Stone to Thanos. So isn't it more likely that if Friday had a body and went back in time, Loki and Dr. Strange would be trying to STOP her?

Note: Because Steve was never trying to kill Tony (as the directors confirmed), Tony kills himself by messing with things he doesn't understand. Hope Van Dyne gets roped into this madness in the original, so I'm also including her here. The original had Gamora as Tony's girlfriend, but that woman has surely suffered enough. The original ignored the time rules of the MCU, so I do the same.

***

Hope Van Dyne wasn't sure how to take the news about Tony Stark. On the one hand, loss of life was always unfortunate. But she was also relieved that Stark's unauthorized trip to a Siberian bunker--and his attempt to kill Steve Rogers and James Buchanan Barnes--resulted in the world taking a hard look at the Sokovia Accords.

She wished Stark had been more careful with his armor. From the footage recovered from the incident, he fired at Rogers when Rogers' back was turned. (Considering Stark had already shot Barnes in the back, Hope couldn't say she was surprised.) Rogers managed to dodge and drag an injured Barnes out of the room. The bolt of energy hit something that caused the room's ceiling to collapse with Stark still in it. Although Rogers dug Stark out as soon as he could with his own injuries, Stark's armor had failed and he'd died of crush injuries.

A tragedy, but certainly nothing that should have directly affected Hope. Until an Asgardian god and a sorcerer appeared in her room.

She looked at the two men's anxious expressions and said, "Okay, I know how to recognize Friday and I THINK I got the rest of it. But give me a quick summary to make sure we're all on the same page."

Loki looked at Dr. Strange, then back at Hope. Loki said, "Somehow Stark's artificial intelligence managed to clone itself into a body. The creature has no care for anything but to protect Stark. So that is what it intends to do--even if it destroys our entire universe."

Hope looked at Dr. Strange and asked, "And you're SURE that's what happens?"

Dr. Strange nodded and said, "Apparently Stark had even more dangerous experiments than Ultron. One of his them opens a small portal into the past. Friday used it to go back to after the Ultron incident."

Loki said, "She was muttering about revenge when she stepped through--I suspect that she is going to do more than prevent Stark from collapsing a bunker on himself."

Hope nodded and said, "So why aren't you sending me even farther back than Friday? I could prevent Ultron--Sokovia would be saved!"

Dr. Strange's expression turned grim as he said, "I've seen what happens if Friday succeeds. It's the apocalypse. But I've also seen what happens if the Ultron event is erased or events don't flow as they need to...it still results in catastrophe."

Strange put his hands on Hope's shoulders and said, "Stark dying in Siberia is what saves the universe. Every time."

Hope took a deep breath and nodded. She said, "All right, I'll stop Friday and bring her back."

Loki said, "Thank you. We will hold the portal open on this end. When you've captured Friday, we'll bring you back and destroy Stark's machine. The plans and research are already purged from all of his systems."

He put a necklace over Hope's head. The small pendant glowed with a faint blue light. Loki said, "This will let us guide you, and it's the key to getting you back. Don't lose it."

Dr. Strange handed her an orb with a complex design etched into it. He said, "Press this to Friday's skin and you'll be able to stop her."

Hope nodded and tucked the necklace inside her Wasp suit and put the orb in a pouch on her belt. Then she stepped onto the platform of Stark's machine.

Both men looked at her as Dr. Strange said, "Thank you. And good luck."

***

Hope immediately shrank down both herself and the orb as she took in her surroundings. She was floating above a lawn in front of a set of buildings buzzing with people.

She immediately recognized three men as they walked outside: The Asgardian god Thor, Captain Steve Rogers...and Tony Stark himself.

If the Friday creature was as unhinged as Strange and Loki thought, she probably was nearby planning to take out Rogers. Even though Rogers wasn't actually responsible for Stark's death years in the future.

Hope flew up and quickly circled the building. Friday wasn't there.

Loki said in Hope's ear, "Damn it, where is it?"

Looking at the area from her vantage point, Hope decided that the most likely spot for a sniper was a nearby strand of trees. She pointed and said, "I'm betting over there."

As she sped into the network of branches, Dr. Strange said, "Hurry! We're running out of time."

Hope flew as quickly as she could, concentrating on the trees that had a view of the men. She suddenly saw the extremely pale, dark-haired woman Friday had become crouched on a sturdy branch with a long-range rifle. Friday was taking aim and moving her finger to the trigger--

Hope grew to half-size and shoved Friday off the branch, yanking away the rifle at the same time.

Friday landed hard, unused to a body and how it worked. While the AI was down, Hope darted forward and returned the orb to its full size. She wrenched the collar of Friday's shirt aside. Up close she could see the faint unnatural glow to Friday's skin and eyes.

The AI tried to fight, saying, "NO! I have to save my boss! I have to kill Rogers NOW!"

Hope stayed focused on the mission. When Friday swiped at her again, Hope grabbed Friday's wrist and pressed the orb into the center of Friday's hand.

Friday froze. Then the glow left Friday's skin and flowed into the orb. As the last of it entered the orb, Friday's eyes went dark and her body dissolved.

Hope stood and looked toward the lawn. Rogers and Stark were staring at some scorch marks on the ground.

***

Suddenly Hope was back in her room. Dr. Strange looked relieved as he took the orb from Hope.

Loki suddenly appeared and said, "Stark's machine is atoms."

Hope asked, "So we're safe?"

Dr. Strange nodded and said, "Pepper Potts will have to use more conventional computers to run Stark Industries, but yes, the universe is safe. Thanks to you."

Hope looked at the orb holding Friday and asked, "So what happens to...her?"

Both men looked at the orb in Strange's hand. Loki said, "Even with the machine gone, I don't think it's safe to unleash Friday on the universe."

Dr. Strange nodded and said, "But it is not as hopeless for Friday as you think. The spell that keeps the AI in the orb also allows Friday an illusion of success. She will believe she completed her mission, which should keep her content. She is kept in that moment, so she will not recognize the passing of time."

Hope nodded. Considering what Friday was willing to destroy to prevent Stark's death, it was kind of Dr. Strange to let Friday think her maker was safe--while keeping the universe safe as well.

Hope lifted the necklace up, but Loki shook his head and said, "With Stark's machine destroyed, the jewel is nothing more than a shiny stone. Keep it."

Then both men disappeared.

Hope took off the necklace and put it in a special drawer of her jewelry box. She knew that she'd remember that doing the right thing always came with a price--and that sometimes she wouldn't be the one to pay it.

Chapter Text

It's kind of chilling what prop-Tony writers think Tony is justified in doing. Rape, torture, humiliation, murder...and kidnapping, in this case. Hydra or someone mixes Steve's DNA with Tony's (because Tony) and a child is created. Tony steals it and claims it for his own. He either never tells Steve about the child or takes him to court to prove how violent and unreasonable Steve is. (Which is incredibly ironic, given that Tony is the one making the accusation.) The Accords are wonderful and poor woobie Tony is "wearing himself down to the bone" and "so injured" he has to steal the serum which has suddenly become available again. Considering how dismissive and even cruel Tony is to Steve--and how violent Tony is in general--who would think letting Tony have access to a child of Steve's is a good idea?

Note: This probably isn't how custody decisions are made, but the original wasn't bothering to follow procedure either.

***

Tony stared at the child in the carrier. Its eyes were a familiar blue, and the little bit of hair on its head had a golden tint.

He gritted his teeth. Of course Rogers would win even the DNA race, dominant genes be damned.

Tony wondered how Howard would react to having Steve Rogers be one of the fathers of his grandchild. Probably the old man would be thrilled. But also terrified of Tony's plans for the child.

He was already building a case for severing Rogers' parental rights. He had footage of Rogers rolling his shield toward Tony during the Ultron incident, and of course the airport and Siberia. Add to it Tony's testimony about he had spent his whole life being forced to view Rogers as a role model, and Tony figured he'd soon have sole custody of the brat. Tony's new lawyer wasn't thrilled with the plan, but would follow orders.

Then Tony could mold the child to be the perfect heir to Stark Industries. Not to mention making the kid hate Rogers as much as Tony himself did.

Finally TONY would win.

He frowned--the kid had better have inherited Tony's genius. He had no time to waste on people who couldn't keep up.

***

Tony had hired round-the-clock nurses. Or really, he'd emailed Pepper to do that.

So Tony was shocked to walk into the workshop-turned-nursery to find Nick Fury and Maria Hill cooing at the infant. Which was being carefully held in ROGERS' arms while the other "rogues" clustered around him. Along with Pepper, Happy, Vision, and Rhodey--the traitors. The lawyer was there too. Tony said, "What the hell?"

His lawyer walked up with a grim expression. She said, "I did warn you, Mr. Stark, that not reporting your discovery and taking of the infant could cause problems. And that your approach to removing Captain Rogers from the child's life was ill-considered."

She handed him a set of papers. Across the top read "Termination of Parental Rights"--with TONY'S name.

He crushed the papers, pointed at Rogers, and said, "You can't do this."

Nick Fury frowned and said, "He didn't. You did this to yourself."

The lawyer nodded and gave Tony another set of papers. This time, it was a list of potential warrants for his arrest. She said, "Your...appropriation of this minor child was not authorized. The judge who reviewed your...evidence...has determined that you are NOT a fit parent for the minor child and that the child is in imminent danger of emotional abuse in your presence. There's also discussion of other charges related to the attacks and other crimes you perpetrated in the videos...IF you decide to fight the termination order."

Rogers hugged the baby and looked at Tony. He said, "Tony, this baby is possibly subject to the Sokovia Accords. Are you really going to let her be tagged and tracked? To let her be taken away the second she reveals her abilities? I won't let that happen."

He straightened and said, "I can't. I'm going to take her someplace where she can't be turned into a weapon."

As the baby reached up and grabbed Rogers' nose, Tony realized he could get the others arrested for Accords violations--but Rogers could turn around and get Tony a cell on the Raft as well. Tony had lost AGAIN.

He turned away and walked to a workbench. He grabbed a pen and signed the termination papers. He refused to even look at the child or Rogers as he handed the papers to the lawyer and said, "Get out of here--all of you."

***

Tony spent the next few weeks feeling sorry for himself. He knew Rhodey had his own way of contacting the others now, so Tony was spending his time deciding how to take his anger out on his own flip phone if he couldn't attack Rogers himself.

When another package arrived for "Tony Stank," Tony wasn't sure what to expect. He opened it as if it were a bomb.

It was much more devastating. A framed photo with a brief note from Rogers, telling Tony how their daughter Mariah was doing.

And how Steve had chosen the name to honor both their mothers.

Tony held the photo in his hands and finally admitted what his own spite and hatred had cost him.

Chapter Text

So this prop-Tony writer ignores that Lex Luthor is a villain and that Bruce Wayne is only a pretend playboy. Tony rescues them from ridiculous things--for one thing, Tony allegedly prevents Bruce Wayne from investing in drug-infused candy. In Siberia, Tony sends a code so the "billionaire bros" leap into action to rescue him. Wonder Woman also shows up to allegedly rescue the misogynistic multi-billionaire from super soldiers who somehow had time to smash up several cities before landing in Siberia. But who would these folks really be rescuing?

Note: Because of travel time, the only way this works is if Tony sent out the SOS as soon as he headed to Siberia. Of course neither Steve nor Bucky made pit stops to wreck cities on their way to stop five Winter Soldiers.

***

Diana Prince was chatting with Bruce Wayne over a glass of scotch when Lex Luthor called.

Bruce put it on speaker and asked, "Is this a global emergency?"

Lex sighed and said, "Don't you check your messages? Stark sent out a Code 11. Message is Come quick, they'll destroy the world. Destination Siberia. I guess it's legit. I'll see you there."

Bruce groaned and said, "Thanks for the heads-up."

Diana lifted her eyebrows in question.

Bruce explained, "A few of us meet for poker with Stark every few months. He doesn't seem to notice how much money he loses to us as long as we stroke his ego about other things. He thinks we're in some kind of secret club. Code 11 is Needs Assistance Immediately."

Diana asked, "But what is he doing in Siberia? I thought he signed the Sokovia Accords."

Bruce nodded and said, "He did. And I can tell you for a fact he doesn't have permission to be there."

Diana stood up and said, "Well, if you don't mind Wonder Woman tagging along, I'll give you a lift."

Bruce said, "Thanks. Going under the radar is even easier when you're literally invisible."

***

Bruce and Diana landed around the same time as Lex. They saw two jets, the Black Panther, and a prisoner as soon as they landed.

The Black Panther--Prince T'Challa without the helmet--waved them toward the open bunker doors. He said, "Tread carefully."

When the three stepped inside and took the elevator to the bottom, they saw five corpses floating in tanks.

Lex said, "I guess it was a false alarm."

Diana shook her head and said, "I hear something. Let's keep looking."

As they walked, they could hear the sounds of weapons being fired. Bruce said, "Those sound like Stark's. I don't hear any return fire."

All three paused at the entrance to a silo. They watched the Winter Soldier--James Buchanan Barnes--frantically climbing toward the open hatch.

Then they saw Stark aim a missile. It took out the hatch.

Unsurprisingly, Captain America soon joined the fight. Bruce said, "He's trying to take out Stark's suit."

Diana said, "He's trying to stop Stark from attacking. Why is Stark still going after Barnes? He's clearly no threat."

Even Lex gasped when Stark sliced through Barnes' metal arm.

When Stark shot Barnes in the back, Diana quickly lassoed him. She said, "Enough."

Stark tried--and failed--to cut or laser through the Amazonian rope.

Bruce asked, "What the hell are you doing? That man was unarmed!"

Lex asked, "When did you go to the dark side, Stark? Even I don't shoot people in the back."

Stark's faceplate flipped up. He sneered, "That man killed my mother."

Captain America limped forward with the semi-conscious Barnes. He said, "Not willingly. Tony knows Bucky was brainwashed--kept captive by Hydra for decades."

He continued, "Buck and I came to stop the Winter Soldiers from being unleashed. We found them killed by the man who set off the bomb in Vienna and triggered the Winter Soldier in Berlin. There's a chair in the room with the tanks. Hydra used it to torture Bucky into becoming their slave. It wiped out his memory and personality, and left only the Winter Soldier. Tony came to help, but when the mastermind behind this revealed the Winter Soldier's part in the deaths of Tony's parents..."

Captain America shrugged and gestured as he said, "You can see what happened."

Tony said to Diana, Lex, and Bruce, "Arrest those two--they're fugitives from the Sokovia Accords."

Diana asked, "Aren't you violating the Sokovia Accords?"

Tony struggled, but the magic of the golden lasso made him reply, "Yes. I don't have permission to be here so I should be in jail on the Raft. And I blackmailed the Spider Kid into coming to Germany. He's enhanced and underage. I tricked his hottie aunt into letting me bring the kid overseas."

Diana frowned and said, "What is with you people and creating child soldiers?"

Bruce frowned at her but said to Captain America, "Take Barnes and go."

As he was limping away with Barnes, Tony said, "My father made that shield. You don't deserve it."

The others watched as Captain America paused, shrugged, dropped the shield, and started to walk away. When he got to Diana, the two of them nodded to each other. Her smile was sad and fond as she watched the two men exit.

Lex said, "I usually detest the do-gooder type, but that man has style."

Stark said, "Why did you let them go? You're supposed to be here to help ME. Bring them back!"

Bruce asked, "So you can finish killing an innocent man?"

Diana asked, "Stark, should we turn YOU over to the authorities for Accords violations?"

Stark fought it again, but said, "Yes, it's what I deserve."

Lex said to Bruce and Diana, "Well, this has been a waste of my time. I doubt you two will let me get my hands on that arm, much less the shield. So see you around."

To Stark, Lex said, "Let's stick to poker next time."

After he left, Diana asked Bruce, "What do you think we should do?"

Bruce gestured at Stark and said, "Leave him. He can find his own way home."

As Diana untied Stark, Bruce scooped up the shield and arm.

Stark powered up a gauntlet and said, "They're MINE."

Diana stepped in front of Bruce and raised her arms, ready to deflect anything Stark fired.

Bruce said, "The shield is actually the property of the United States government, but I think it really belongs to Steve Rogers. And as for the arm..."

He turned and walked away without another word.

Diana said to Stark, "I don't know you, but I do know Steve Rogers and I saw what you did here."

Her expression saddened as she said, "Your loss is a sad one. But that does not justify your attacks on Barnes. And your presence here after signing the Sokovia Accords shows you to be a hypocrite, while your confession makes you an exploiter of children. If you want to be viewed as a hero, you must act like one. Or admit your villainy."

When Stark said nothing, Diana turned and walked away.

Chapter Text

It's so funny, because this probably would not be a bad thing. It would be like an episode of Leverage, where the corrupt multi-billionaire war profiteer is fleeced and the money goes to a bunch of good causes. But because the original is a prop-Tony story, Wanda gets the cash and buys shoes. What if this really happened with the characters in character?

Note: Remember, it's canon that Tony Stark never actually paid the Avengers a dime.

***

Wanda wrung her hands and said, "I didn't MEAN to, it just happened."

Steve helped her sit at the conference table with the others and said, "We'll figure it out, Wanda. Just tell us HOW it happened."

Wanda sighed and said, "You know how tired everyone was after the mission."

When the others nodded, Wanda continued, "I was drifting, not quite asleep. I was thinking about those poor children, how hard it was going to be for them to have a normal life. I KNOW exactly how they feel."

Steve put a hand over hers while Natasha laid a hand on Wanda's shoulder.

Wanda said, "I started thinking about the things I could do to make their lives better, if only I had the money. And then I started thinking about all the wonderful ways I could help people if I had Tony Stark's money."

She glanced over where Tony was on the phone with someone, talking rapidly. She said, "And then suddenly he was there in the dream with me. He said he could feel my joy. That he couldn't believe it was from having LESS money. And he said he'd always had money, so much money that he never really thought about how much he'd have to give away for it to really mean something to him. And he wondered if he did give away that much, if he'd feel anything like my joy. And then we woke up."

Steve asked, "So there was no red mist? And you weren't trying to make him see or feel anything?"

Wanda shook her head and said, "No. He was just there."

Steve, Sam, Vision, Rhodey, and Natasha looked at each other. Sam leaned back and said, "Doesn't sound like it was coercion, then. And it's not like he's giving the money to Wanda."

Vision and Rhodey nodded. Rhodey said, "It could be another one of Tony's episodes. Usually it involves building more and more machinery, but that never really satisfies him either."

Rhodey shrugged and concluded, "Maybe this will."

***

Pepper was suspicious at first, simply because NO ONE had been able to persuade Tony to get involved in charity, other than the time he wanted to give the art collection PEPPER has spent years curating to the Boy Scouts.

But now Tony was deeply involved. He restructured his company to provide more recognition and monetary rewards for his employees. He figured out how to start converting his accumulated wealth into opportunities for underrepresented and underprivileged people.

Tony met with the Avengers and turned over the compound to them, along with a foundation to make sure it stayed funded and that the heroes who were giving up their lives to serve wouldn't be left with nothing when their years of heroing were done.

A few months later, Tony took Wanda out to lunch. It was awkward at first while the two discussed their painful past. But eventually conversation flowed more easily between them.

As they finished their desserts and coffee, Tony pushed an envelope toward Wanda.

She touched it gingerly and asked, "What's this? You already have done so much for the survivors of Sokovia."

Tony smiled and said, "A very small token of my appreciation. Wanda, you gave me a new purpose in life and a sense of joy I would never have imagined possible. It feels like my life--and the whole world--shifted to a new path that day at the compound. I could never, ever repay that. But I wanted you to have something for yourself."

Wanda opened the envelope and her eyes widened at the size of the check. She said, "It's--I don't even know how to start spending this."

Tony shrugged and said, "Buy something that you've had your eye on...maybe some shoes?"

Chapter Text

When the original for this came out, a lot of people pointed out that the Suicide Squad was out of their league hunting Team Cap. But more importantly, some folks noted that it is a horrible hypocrisy for Tony Stark to complain about "death and destruction" when Tony has committed far more of it. Also, someone pointed out that the Suicide Squad film plays out the questions about the Sokovia Accords--what should someone do when they don't agree with their orders or are ordered to stand down. Except the Suicide Squad is not only tracked, they're threatened with extinction if they try to escape or disobey. Would these folks REALLY be against Team Cap?

Note: I haven't seen Suicide Squad. Set immediately after Team Cap breaks out of the Raft, so there's no house arrest for Clint or Scott yet.

***

Amanda Waller kept her cool as she took a call from Tony Stark. She asked, "Who gave you my number?"

Stark replied, "I found it. Listen, you know all the damage Rogers and his merry band have caused--"

Waller said, "I thought YOUR team took out the control tower."

Stark said, "Details. The point is, I want Task Force X deployed. They need to be stopped."

Waller leaned back and said, "Then Mr. Stark, I suggest you contact your new boss, the Secretary of State. Some of this team is enhanced, so we'll need U.N. permission to do anything. Plus I'll need authorization from MY bosses."

Stark hung up on her.

***

Waller wondered who Stark had to grovel to to get his way as she watched Task Force X depart. Considering who the Task Force was going up against, she didn't think anyone on the "Suicide Squad" would die. But she did think they'd suffer some blows to their pride.

On the transport, Katana asked Rick Flag, "Are you certain we should be doing this? These orders do not seem...appropriate."

Flag shrugged and said, "Waller said she got the go-ahead. Everything electronically signed and e-mailed."

Captain Boomerang laughed and said, "Tony Stark is pushing this, right? And you didn't bother to double-check with an actual person that someone actually approved this mission?"

Flag shook his head.

Killer Croc said, "It sounds like we'll be the prey, not the hunters."

Harley Quinn frowned and said, "I'm not doing anything for free. If there's no sentence reduction for this op, I'm staying here and catching up on my beauty sleep."

Deadshot nodded and said, "Sounds like a set-up to me."

Flag looked over the group and said, "We have our orders. You know what happens if you disobey those orders."

That shut everyone up.

***

The squad hadn't gotten far into the warehouse when suddenly an arrow landed a foot in front of them. Others landed behind and to each side. A voice said, "Hold still, please."

When they tried to scatter, they bounced back from an invisible forcefield.

Flag cursed and said, "Give up and this will go a lot easier on you."

Steve Rogers walked toward them and said, "Before we left, we wanted to let you know that your orders were faked."

Captain Boomerang said to the others, "Told you."

Flag asked, "Why should we believe you?"

Rogers shrugged and said, "It's up to you if you do or you don't. More importantly, how is this treatment of prisoners allowed? It violates U.S. and international law."

Deadshot said, "Don't get involved, man. This mission cuts a decade off my sentence, I'm all for it."

Rogers asked, "Even if one wrong step means you'll die for it?"

The others shrugged, but Flag and Katana looked uncomfortable.

Rogers lifted a hand to his ear and seemed to be listening to something. He said, "Acknowledged."

He looked over the group and said, "How'd you like to have a successful mission AND expose the corruption behind it?"

***

Waller smirked as she watched Tony Stark being taken away in handcuffs. Apparently being a multi-billionaire didn't save you from the consequences of hacking into government databases and impersonating various government officials to issue illegal orders.

The Suicide Squad HAD brought in Rogers' team. The prisoners stayed long enough for the reduction in sentences for the Suicide Squad to be recorded, then they promptly escaped with evidence of the abuses of power allowed by the Sokovia Accords.

Waller knew she had to tread carefully, now that there was much more scrutiny into Task Force X. She also wondered if Iron Man would be joining it, or if Stark was considered too dangerous--even on a leash.

Chapter Text

This one is funny to me because there is no evidence Tony knows how to operate in the normal world, much less be a stealthy assassin in it. He didn't even keep his Iron Man secret for a day. So it doesn't seem likely that Tony would be able to assassinate ANYONE, much less anyone on Team Cap.

***

Tony crept toward the safehouse that held the remnants of Team Cap. He'd already picked off Scott Lang and Clint Barton.

He'd gotten an extra kick from hearing their kids scream in horror as their dads' heads exploded right in front of them. Hey, at least he'd let the brats live.

It had all been so EASY. Tony couldn't believe that Team Cap still trusted Tony. As if Tony would show mercy to ANYONE who refused to do exactly what he wanted when he wanted it done. They had all BETRAYED him. How dare they have their own opinions on anything?

He slid on his stomach to the edge of the roof. Using his drone, he could see Team Cap sitting together on a balcony across the street. Tony smiled as he lined up the weapon attached to the drone. He said, "Friday, make sure you're recording this. Fire all rounds."

The silenced bullets swept the balcony, hitting center mass on Widow, Witch, Falcon, Soldier, and Cap. Breaking glass from dropped drinks and stray shots at the balcony doors were the only sounds.

Tony turned over and gave a sigh of satisfaction. He said, "Best. Assassin. Ever."

Suddenly Tony's drone crashed in front of him on the roof. A web was attached to it.

Before Tony could react, he was webbed tight himself.

He looked up to see the Spider-Kid standing in front of him.

The Spider-Kid leaned over the edge of the roof and waved. Then he said to Tony, "When Ned found the file with your plan to assassinate people, I didn't want to believe it."

His voice sounded thick as he continued, "But I KNEW that if there was even the smallest chance it was for real, I couldn't let it happen."

Tony smirked and said, "It already did. Everyone who betrayed me is dead--exactly as they deserved. You're a little late."

Suddenly Hawkeye landed in front of Tony and said, "Nope, the guy's right on time."

Tony's jaw dropped. He said, "No! It was a clean shot--you're dead."

Hawkeye laughed and said, "Do you know how many 'deaths' I've had to arrange over the years?"

Spider-Kid asked, "What's going to happen to Mr. Stark?"

Suddenly the Ant Guy was standing beside them. He said, "Well, with tonight's stunt, that's seven cases of attempted murder."

The Ant Guy took off his helmet and said to Tony, "By the way, thanks for recording everything. We'll have multiple angles of you 'killing' people who weren't any threat to you."

Tony said, "You can't arrest me, I'm Tony Stark."

The others looked at each other. Hawkeye said, "We can't arrest you anyway. We're not law enforcement."

He pointed toward a group coming forward and continued, "But THEY are."

Tony blinked as he saw the Ghost of Agent Coulson approaching. Tony said, "Whatever this prank is, I don't like it."

Coulson said, "No pranks--and no illusions this time, either."

He continued, "Tony Stark, you are accused of seven counts of attempted murder and associated charges. You have the right to remain silent..."

As other agents hauled Tony to his feet and collected the evidence, Tony realized that maybe he wasn't such a good assassin after all.

Chapter Text

The person who reported this prop-Tony story called it chilling. Tony murders Steve and Bucky in Siberia, then covers up his latest crime. He blackmails T'Challa with revealing T'Challa's Accords violations if he says anything.

In the original, Tony gets away with it. Here...

***

Tony flew away from Siberia with a deep sense of satisfaction. He'd wanted to shut Cap up from the first moment they met. Now he'd succeeded--permanently.

Cap's corpse--along with his buddy's--would be perfectly preserved in the Siberian cold--just like the other super soldiers in the bunker.

Tony smirked to himself as he recalled the expression on the High-and-Mighty T'Challa's face. He doubted anyone had ever laid down the law for the Black Panther like that. T'Challa may be King of Wakanda, but Iron Man was King of the World.

***

Tony knew he was in the clear when the African cat snuck home with his tail between his legs.

So it shocked him a few weeks later when he was awakened by...something. Tony sat up and looked around his bedroom. At first, everything seemed fine. Then he glanced at the mirror and screamed.

Cap and Barnes stared back at him, their faces as bloody and broken as the day he left them on the floor of the bunker.

They stared, silent. Then disappeared.

Tony said, "Friday, what the hell was that? And turn on the goddamn lights."

Friday said, "What are you talking about, boss?"

As the lights snapped on, Tony could see there was no one else in the room. He hurried over to the mirror and examined it, front and back. There was nothing except mirror and wood.

He stepped back and said, "Scan the room."

Friday asked, "For what, boss?"

Tony snapped, "For whatever caused the Capsicle and his buddy to pay a visit."

After a few moments, Friday said, "There is no evidence of anyone in the suite. No electronic emissions detected."

Tony swallowed and rubbed his arms against a sudden chill.

***

It happened again. And again. The only way Tony could avoid it was staying up all night, but even then he sometimes thought he saw flashes of blue, silver, and blood red in reflective surfaces.

Eventually he moved back to the compound, thinking that having someone else nearby would prevent...whatever it was.

He was wrong. The first time it happened in the common room, Tony kept silent. He didn't dare ask if Rhodey saw anything. He just waited for Rhodey to notice the grim, bloody figures staring from the flat screen TV.

Rhodey didn't react at ALL. Like they weren't even there.

Tony had rarely bothered with Vision since its creation. Now he ordered the android to scan area after area where Cap and Barnes appeared. Vision reported no anomalies every time. Same as Friday.

After weeks of this...haunting, Tony felt like he was losing his mind. He had Friday contact T'Challa.

The king looked grim as he asked, "What do you want, Stark?"

Tony said, "What did you do? Some kind of voodoo mumbo-jumbo? Where are the dolls I need to stick pins in or burn or whatever?"

T'Challa replied, "I do not know what you are talking about. My people do not practice voodoo, or 'mumbo jumbo' of any kind."

Tony yelled, "Then what the hell is going on?"

T'Challa said, "I do not know what is happening to or with you, Stark. I am minding my own business and keeping quiet, as instructed by you."

The call ended.

Tony paced the room. He KNEW they were dead. He KNEW it. But he also knew there was no such thing as ghosts.

Were there?

***

After three more days, Tony finally had enough. He put on his latest suit and jetted off to Siberia.

He had to be sure.

There were no other vehicles or any prints when he landed outside the bunker.

But as he started to walk in, he heard something behind him.

He turned around to see Rhodey in the modified War Machine armor and Vision standing there.

Rhodey asked, "What the hell are we doing here, Tony? I know we don't have a mission--so we don't have authorization to be here."

Vision said, "We are all in violation of the Sokovia Accords."

Tony said, "Really? I hadn't noticed. You two were NOT invited, so shove off."

Rhodey frowned and started clanking toward the door of the bunker. He said, "No way. You've been weird since Liepzig. I'm guessing we'll find out why inside."

The three stood silent as the elevator slowly descended.

Tony slowly led them forward. First he went to the room with the Winter Soldiers. He gasped. The tanks were empty, the glass of the containers on the floor. The Dentist Chair from Hell Tony noticed the first time was in pieces, wires hanging from where they'd been ripped out.

Tony said, "That's not possible."

Then he took them to the site of Cap's last stand.

Both Rhodey and Vision looked disturbed by the amount of blood coating the floor.

Rhodey asked, "How much of this is yours?"

Tony replied, "None."

Vision asked, "What happened here?"

Tony said, "It was Cap! I told him to stay down. Barnes killed my parents--he deserved to die. But Cap kept getting in the way...until I made him stop."

Rhodey asked, "What did you do, Tony?"

Tony said, "I killed him! I killed them both! He betrayed me--he deserved it! They both did."

Vision said, "I believe that is sufficient."

Suddenly the room was filled with people. Natasha, Maria Hill, Nick Fury, Pepper, and lots of people in suits covered with parkas.

Tony looked around and said, "You set me up."

Natasha shook her head and said, "You brought them here. You told them what happened."

Nick put something on Tony's chest that powered down and opened up the suit. He said, "They've got a solid case for attempted murder, maybe more. I suggest you cut a deal."

A couple of the suits came forward and removed every bit of tech from Tony before putting him in a parka and some futuristic-looking handcuffs.

Tony turned away from all the disappointed stares as he was led from the room.

***

When all the suits left, Pepper asked, "When are you going to tell Tony why the charge is ATTEMPTED murder?"

Natasha said, "That's up to Steve and Barnes."

Steve stepped into the room and said, "We have to keep T'Challa out of it. He risked everything to get us treatment, including sharing special Wakandan medicine. But we'll have to wait until the time it would have taken Buck and I to heal."

Maria frowned and said, "From that beatdown? At least another month."

Rhodey said, "At least he won't be 'haunted' anymore."

Vision nodded and said, "It will be a relief to stop projecting those images. I found them quite disturbing."

Pepper said to Steve, "I'm so glad you and your friend are all right. Tony went too far this time."

Steve said, "At least it's the last time he'll have the chance to hurt anyone."

Nick said, "You have my promise on that."

They left the room and the evidence of Tony's murderous rage behind.

Chapter Text

This is pretty ridiculous. TONY was the attacker in Siberia. But Tony thinks he needs protection after Siberia, so he hires Loki, who's in disguise. Considering how much Loki dislikes Tony but seems strangely obsessed with Steve, this isn't Tony's brightest idea.

Note: Set in an AU where the Sokovia Accords are quickly abolished and all of Team Cap are cleared, including Bucky. Thor is ruling Asgard in Odin's stead. Bruce is still in hiding on Earth.

***

Tony poured a scotch at the bar and frowned at his new bodyguard, who was sprawled on an armchair in the corner of the room. He said, "I don't pay you to lay around all day doing nothing."

Len--Tony was sure the name was an alias--yawned and said, "You pay me to prevent you from being harmed. I don't think spilled liquor counts."

Tony frowned and said, "Those turncoats are back in town. I'm sure they'll be showing up here at some point to pick up their stuff. You'd better be ready. Who knows WHAT they will try to do to me."

Len smirked and asked, "And why would they want to do ANYTHING to you?"

Tony had the feeling that Len knew more about it than he was letting on, but he settled for a glare. He said, "Just be ready. I expect to get what I pay for."

***

Steve, Sam, and Natasha arrived at the compound. They were still discussing where to store Thor and Bruce's stuff when they saw a tall, pale, dark-haired man step out of the doors and come down the steps to meet them.

The man said, "I'm supposed to let you know if you want to mess with Stark, you need to go through me."

Sam asked, "And you are?"

The man replied, "Len. The new bodyguard."

Natasha said, "Len, huh."

Steve tilted his head and said, "You seem awfully familiar."

Len smiled and said, "Perhaps we crossed paths the last time you were in Manhattan."

Steve snorted and asked, "You don't visit the other boroughs?"

Len shook his head and said, "Not lately. Perhaps you can give me a tour sometime--Brooklyn, right?"

Sam snorted and said, "Hey Romeo, is Stark actually around?"

Len nodded and said, "He was in his workshop with Colonel Rhodes. The Vision is awaiting you in the communal area."

Steve asked, "And Tony wants no contact with us?"

Len shrugged and replied, "That's what he says."

***

Vision immediately welcomed his teammates and asked about Wanda and how she was recovering. Rhodey showed up for handshakes and hugs.

They got started on packing up personal items for Clint and Wanda, though Vision insisted that they should not be so hasty in abandoning the compound.

When their lunch order was delivered, Steve invited Rhodey, Vision, and Len to stay. He also said, "Len, to respect Tony's wishes, please let him know he's also invited."

Len bowed and left to deliver the message.

***

Tony tossed another twisted piece of metal onto the workbench. He couldn't believe that Vision and Rhodey were so friendly with the enemy under their roof.

He didn't like to admit that he was jealous of the laughter and conversation as the team pulled together to get the job done.

Len strolled in and said, "Lunch is here. They're saving a place at the table for you--if you want it."

Tony shook his head.

Len shrugged and said, "I'll send your regrets. I'm going to be on break."

Tony's eyes narrowed as he said, "I want you in here. I may be in danger."

Len said, "In danger of starvation, perhaps." But he settled on a stool and took out a dagger, which he flipped with chilling accuracy.

After a few moments of watching, Tony said, "Maybe I could eat."

Len replied, "I'm glad you changed your mind."

***

Lunch was a little bit awkward. But Tony realized that Cap, Widow, and Falcon at least weren't the kind to hold a grudge.

Tony realized maybe he shouldn't either. If he'd listened at any point in this whole mess or held his temper, the others wouldn't be leaving.

He said, "I don't want you to go."

Tony blinked. He wasn't sure he meant to say that out loud. But he DID mean it.

Everyone smiled, but Falcon shrugged and said, "Seems like there needs to be some serious conversation first. Wanda is still processing what she experienced on the Raft, and Clint...I'm just glad his family was okay."

Steve said, "But this is a good first step."

Len--who Tony noticed was not sitting next to HIM but instead was practically cuddled up with Cap--said, "Perhaps there can be a new beginning for all of us."

He stood and gestured. Suddenly Loki was standing there.

Natasha said, "Speaking of people Clint might have a problem with..."

Loki said, "That's understandable. But I can tell you my side of things. If nothing else, perhaps it will convince you of my sincerity."

He looked at Cap and said, "And my very sincere wish to continue in your company."

Tony groaned and said, "I can't believe I'm paying to have you flirt with Spangles. You're fired."

But Tony grinned to himself as he took a sip of his water. Maybe everyone WOULD get a second chance.

Chapter Text

The original of this put poor Yelena Belova AND Carol Danvers in Tony's bed. Team Cap is put on trial, which is funny because I don't think it would go well for Tony. Think about it--Team Iron Man did most of the destruction at the airport. And Tony is the big fish among the Avengers. So Natasha and Clint at least would suggest turning state's evidence against a multi-billionaire who does not have a good reputation for getting along with people or treating them well. Plus if civil damages came up, who better to pay them than the man with way too much money and too little care for the damage he causes?

***

Foggy Nelson still couldn't believe he was representing superheroes with his buddy Matt Murdock. But here they were wrapping up their first discussion with their clients. Matt said, "So that's how we think we should address these charges."

Foggy said, "It may not even come to a trial."

Natasha Romanov--the Black Widow herself!--smiled at the two men and said, "It's best to know all of the weapons at your disposal before an encounter. So..."

Foggy leaned forward and asked, "What've you got?"

She shared a look with Captain America, then said, "The prosecution seems focused on punishing us for Accords violations. But the poster child for the Accords violated FAR more provisions than we did."

Cap--Steve Rogers--nodded and said, "It's unfortunate, but we have evidence of Tony undertaking an unapproved mission involving unauthorized transit across international borders."

Widow added, "With a little digging, you may have other crimes as well. There was a hero at Liepzig who did NOT sign the Sokovia Accords."

Cap frowned and said, "We're not even sure he was able to sign--he seemed really young. Maybe it's better not to mention him."

Widow said, "But we can mention Ultron--Tony Stark's pet project turned genocidal AI. We've got evidence of that as well."

Foggy sighed sadly. He was sorry to hear Iron Man was such a complete hypocrite. He said, "Okay. We'll definitely keep that information in our back pocket."

Matt said, "I'm pretty sure that the Congresspeople trying to lock you up are being backed by Stark's Political Action Committees. Maybe we should talk to them before the prosecution."

Foggy said, "Or maybe we should let Tony Stark know that if this trial goes forward, he's going down as well. See what happens."

***

Foggy didn't know if it was the legislators or Stark himself, but Captain America, the Black Widow, and all of their companions were released with all charges dismissed.

Foggy didn't care HOW things turned out so well, only that they did. He could still feel where the Black Widow and Scarlet Witch had each given him a thank-you kiss on the cheek.

Chapter Text

So apparently this prop-Tony writer thought it wasn't awful enough for Steve to accidentally unleash Godzilla OR Mothra OR Rodan OR Ghidorah--all four had to be "set on a warpath." The funny thing is, Steve empathizes with pretty much everyone and has good relationships, so if these beings were intelligent, he'd probably try to communicate. On the other hand, who's known for messing with things he doesn't understand and insulting whoever he meets as a form of "humor"? Tony, of course.

Note: Set before Age of Ultron

***

As Clint maneuvered the quinjet to a safe landing spot, he said, "This is some kind of tropical paradise--except for the rampaging monsters, of course."

Natasha got up from the copilot's seat and went to her locker to begin gearing up. She said, "I don't like it. Since when has Jarvis been unable to locate the source of a distress call?"

Steve frowned as he lifted his shield. He said, "This seems to be an island of mystery in more ways than one."

Bruce said, "Remember to call a Code Green if you need me."

Tony said, "We won't."

Thor frowned but didn't say anything.

As the ramp lowered, the team stepped into the humidity of a tropical forest. They couldn't see the sun through the branches of the trees, but they could hear different kinds of birds, monkeys, and other creatures.

Along with a strange shrieking kind of roar.

Steve pointed toward the sound and said, "I guess that's where the action is. Tony and Thor, can you scout ahead and let us know what we're dealing with?"

The two men launched in their different ways as the others quickly found a path through the undergrowth.

They met in a clearing that was about the size of a football field, but round. Thor and Tony were flying around four enormous creatures: A giant moth and three dinosaur-like creatures, one with green scales, one with wings, and the other with three heads.

Tony looked like he was powering up to fire when Steve shouted, "Tony, stop!"

The creatures screamed and yelled while Tony and Thor landed near the others.

Tony said, "Why'd you stop me? These things need to go down."

Steve was watching the creatures, which seemed to be calming down now that Thor and Tony weren't near them. Steve asked, "Are we sure they're not intelligent? Or that they are dangerous?"

Tony said, "The distress call sounded pretty urgent."

Natasha asked, "Are there settlements or camps on the island? Who's in danger?"

Jarvis replied in their comms, "I detect no evidence of human habitation."

Steve frowned and said, "Thor, the legends say you can talk to animals. Is that true?"

Thor nodded and said, "Yes, I have the gift of Allspeak."

Steve asked, "Would you try talking to them? Or listening to see if they're saying anything?"

Tony frowned and said, "We're wasting time--who knows when these things will stop screaming and start rampaging."

Steve said, "It's worth a try to see if they can be soothed rather than destroyed."

Thor stepped away from the group and went to the creatures. This time he kept his hammer down and called out to the creatures pleasantly.

While Clint was confirming they were in the clear and Steve was watching Thor interact with the creatures, Natasha was watching Tony.

She asked him, "What did you do?"

Tony rolled his eyes and said, "What makes you think I did anything?"

Natasha said, "You. You should be fascinated by these guys. Instead you want to go for the nuclear option before they even attacked anyone."

Steve said, "That makes a lot of sense. Jarvis, were you forbidden from revealing that you or Tony was the source of the distress call? Was there any distress call at all?"

Jarvis replied, "No, there was not."

Bruce on the comms said, "You found this place, Tony, didn't you."

Tony waved his arms and said, "It was an accident!"

Thor came back and said, "The creatures want to stomp Iron Man for interrupting their sleep."

Tony said, "It wasn't my fault! This island was supposed to be deserted. I wanted to test my new weapons."

Steve asked, "Thor, what happened?"

Thor said, "These creatures are from an earlier age. They were asleep, deep in a dormant volcano. The ground roared and shook and collapsed around them. They saw Iron Man fly away just as they were emerging. They desire vengeance."

Clint asked, "Were any of them hurt?"

Thor shook his head. He said, "No, but they demand satisfaction."

Natasha asked, "And if they don't get it?"

Thor looked grim.

Steve nodded and said, "Then I think we have to give it to them."

Everyone turned to look at Tony.

Tony sulked in the copilot's seat as they watched the four creatures stomp the Iron Man armor into atoms.

Thor said, "Thank you, friend Jarvis, for arranging this island to be designated a wildlife sanctuary."

Jarvis said, "You are welcome."

Steve said, "Hopefully they'll go back to sleep, now that they've destroyed their enemy."

Thor said, "If it is any consolation, they now see the rest of us as friends."

Chapter Text

I don't know where this prop-Tony writer got their head canon, but their character is NOT Tony Stark. The story pretends that Tony actually does anything with his time except build suits for himself and goof off. In this gem, Tony is jetting off to Japan to make a deal--I guess the writer forgot that PEPPER is the one who runs Stark Industries because Tony couldn't be bothered. Also Stark supposed begged Cap to sign the Accords (that scene definitely wasn't in the film), and Nigeria wants Wanda's "head on a platter," even though Nigeria DIDN'T sign the Sokovia Accords. Probably because they knew a bioweapon would be in the hands of terrorists if the Avengers hadn't been there. Also there were "countless" dead in Bucharest (where?) and Tony was trying to SAVE Bucky Barnes, not exploit him to get Cap to sign a document that strips enhanced people of their rights. So Tony "washes his hands" of the Avengers. I'm not sure if it was this gem or another one, but Tony also presents Team Cap with a bill for their stay in the compound. So apparently this writer is as bad as Tony Stark in knowing how the world actually works.

Note: As the prelude comics and every film appearance of Tony Stark has shown, Tony doesn't work on anything except projects for himself, so that's what he's doing here. Paraphrased some of the actual stupidity spouted in the originals. Set in an AU where Zemo died on his way to impersonate the psychiatrist. The triggers book burned to ash. He left a letter in his hotel room claiming responsibility for the bombing.

***

Even after Tony made his crack about no visas for WMDs, he was still pissed. He'd been pulled away after working for 18 hours on adjustments to his flight controls. After all, he deserved the finest equipment money could buy or make. Plus Pepper was off in Japan making deals, so Tony only had Happy around to make sure Tony was fed, watered, and entertained.

He'd had enough of people not doing what he said. Tony wanted the Avengers under the Accords so he could keep Pepper and keep being Iron Man. But no, half the team followed Captain Stick Up His Butt into retirement. Then of course Cap's defrosted buddy showed up and Cap had to get involved. Cap should have just stayed at Carter's funeral and minded his own business. Now Cap was fiddling with an antique pen and looking upset at Maximoff being held at the compound.

Well, Tony would show HIM.

Tony said, "I'm done with this crap. You're going to sign the Accords, OR ELSE."

Rogers had the nerve to cross his arms and say, "Unless the Sokovia Accords have been rewritten since I left for Peggy's funeral, I have no more reason to sign them today than I did when I first read them."

Tony threw up his hands and said, "Excuse me? Do you know how upset and overtired I am? I've been working nonstop for DAYS. I had to rush away from my billion-dollar BUSINESS to deal with this. And I just BEGGED you to sign the Accords. Nigeria wants Maximoff's head on a platter and the US doesn't particularly want her either. And do you know how HARD I worked for that deal for Barnes after he went totally berserk in Romania, where the dead and injured are still being counted? And Lagos wasn't my fault at ALL."

He got up and started pacing as he continued, "I'm King of the World, yet you act like I'm your servant at your beck and call. All you want is MORE MORE MORE."

Tony sneered as he kept going, "And how DARE you say the 'safest hands are our own' when you don't even own up when you fuck up. Your great 'strategic mind' caused the Lagos disaster. The Sokovia Accords were supposed to come out next year, but thanks to the witch they're fast-tracked. I figured you'd be pig-headed about this, so if you don't sign, you also get to pay up."

***

As Cap just stood and continued to stare at him, Tony realized that there was a wetness around his own lips. As Tony reached up to wipe it off, he realized he'd just been foaming at the mouth.

He sat in a chair and sulked while Cap set down the pen and picked up the documents.

After skimming through it, Cap sat on the edge of the table and said, "I'm going to go point-by-point on this. One: You didn't rush away from your business. PEPPER runs your business and she let us know she was in Japan. If you've been working nonstop on anything, it's been your own projects. Two: You didn't beg me to do ANYTHING. You claimed that if I signed Bucky would go to an American psychiatric facility. That's extortion, not begging--and it's highly unlikely you could deliver anyway. Three: Nigeria isn't interested in punishing Wanda for not containing BROCK RUMLOW'S bomb. They didn't even sign the Sokovia Accords. Probably because they were relieved a bioweapon from their Lagos lab isn't in the hands of terrorists. Four: Bucky didn't 'go berserk' anywhere, and certainly not in Romania. Did you somehow imagine a different set of events? Because there are no reports of dead or wounded to be counted. Bucky had every right to defend himself against a kill squad with an illegal shoot-on-sight order who did NOT identify themselves and shot first."

Cap stood up and put the papers down. He frowned and said, "I'm far more disturbed by your hypocrisy, Tony. You sit here and claim I don't take responsibility for my fuck-ups when YOU are the one who unleashed Ultron. And apparently you KNEW about the secret meetings that created the SOKOVIA Accords, but you didn't bother to warn anyone they were about to be told to sign away their rights and be inserted with trackers. AND kept in a secret prison without due process, legal representation, or the right of habeas corpus. And be prevented from doing ANYTHING to help ANYONE without prior approval of a U.N. panel whose U.s. representative is Thaddeus Ross. Correct?"

He looked disgusted as he continued, "Tony, I keep hoping you'll figure out right from wrong, but this is the last straw."

As Cap moved to leave, Tony said, "You'd better start up a payment plan for you and your traitor buddies to pay my bill."

Cap sighed and asked, "Do you really not know how things work, Tony? You should have run that by your lawyers. You provided a facility for training, including residential space, food, utilities, and incidentals. You provided all of it for YEARS without any expectation of compensation or any verbal or signed agreement that indicated compensation was required. You can't just present someone with a bill because you feel like it."

He shrugged and continued, "I'd have to check the local statutes, but you may not even be able to evict us without some pretty complicated legal proceedings. But don't worry, I'm not sure we're going to decide to stay."

A sudden knock at the door caused them both to turn. Sharon Carter poked her head in and said, "Steve, breaking news. Apparently a man named Helmut Zemo set the bomb and framed Barnes for it. The Wakandan delegation has withdrawn their extradition request. They're also offering to pay all legal expenses for your team. You should be free to go shortly."

Tony said, "NO! He has to sign."

Cap looked at Tony and said, "No, I don't. The Avengers are yours, Tony. If anyone wants to stay on after they find out how you deliberately blindsided us."

***

Not even Rhodey would stay on after finding out that Tony knew ahead of time about the Accords.

Tony also found out that Cap was right about the bill. Tony lasered it into ash and wished it was Cap's head. Especially after the lack of superheroes willing to sign caused the Sokovia Accords to be scrapped a few months after their introduction.

This universe had a happier outcome. Peter wasn't blackmailed, Rhodey wasn't injured, Bucky was never triggered, and the Winter Soldiers were never awakened. T'Challa and Steve became friends. Everyone (other than Tony) formed a new team of Defenders that kept Dr. Strange and Vision safe and defeated Thanos before he could Snap.

Tony spent years feeling sorry for himself, all alone in his empty compound.

Chapter Text

This is so strange because of the ages of the characters. Tony Stark was born in 1970. Rhodey is definitely older and so is Carol Danvers, who was born in the mid-1960s. Stephen Strange was born in 1976 (going by the actors' age), while Hope was born in 1980. Yet all of these characters supposedly got drunk and swore a blood oath with Tony.

More importantly, this prop-Tony writer seems to think that this blood oath would force these characters to stand by and let Tony murder Bucky Barnes because Tony is "upset." What would REALLY happen if they were called to Siberia to "fulfill their oath"?

Note: Set in an AU where Rhodey wasn't badly injured in Liepzig, Carol Danvers came back early, Dr. Strange was Sorcerer Supreme during Civil War, and Hope got the Wasp outfit before Civil War.

***

Hope was NOT happy. She didn't mind having the pilot Carol Danvers as her babysitter. They'd taken a ride on a fast boat to this deserted island, and had a dinner picnic. But now Hope didn't like the weird way Carol's "friend" Tony was behaving at the campfire. There were a LOT of bottles, and they were mostly empty. She shivered and hugged her doll tighter.

The boy named Stephen didn't seem happy either, but he'd drunk from whatever bottle was pushed at him by Tony. Hope had gripped tight to her root beer and refused to drink anything else.

Carol didn't seem happy, more bored. Along with the oldest person in the group, James.

Now that Hope thought about it, only Tony seemed happy. And very, very drunk.

Tony waved his arms and said, "You guys are the BEST. It's a full moon. You should swear to always support me--in blood."

Hope shuddered.

James said, "I don't think that's a good idea, Tony."

Tony glared and said, "Well since I'M the one with the keys to the boat, you'd better rethink it."

James and Carol looked at each other. Carol seemed to make a sort of punching gesture, but James shook his head. Carol frowned, but nodded.

James said, "Okay, Tony. How do you want to do this?"

Tony clapped and said, "We each make a cut on our fingers and smear the blood together."

So they did it. Hope didn't know if it was the island or the moonlight or something else, but the oath did something weird. She felt a power pass through her and afterward, she was aware of all of the others--where they were and how they were doing.

It was REALLY creepy.

Stephen said, "Uh-oh."

***

Hope didn't think about that strange night very often. The awareness of the others faded over time. She guessed it helped that she never saw any of them again.

She'd felt Tony twice--once when he disappeared into the desert and again when the Chitauri invaded. She felt like she HAD to go to him, but wasn't able to. Hope didn't like to think what would have happened if she had been able to obey the strange compulsion.

The next time Hope felt it, she'd been analyzing the Sokovia Accords and how awful they were. Suddenly she felt like she had to IMMEDIATELY go to...somewhere North? She found herself in her Wasp gear before she even thought about it.

A glowing disc appeared in the air. When it opened, she saw Carol, James, and what must be a grown-up Stephen inside it. Stephen said, "Step in, we don't have much time."

She did.

***

The portal took them to a snow-covered landscape. As they stepped out, Stephen said, "Siberia."

James said, "This isn't sanctioned by the Accords panel or Thaddeus Ross. I'm not supposed to be here."

Carol said, "None of us are."

She pointed at some jets nearby and said, "Neither are they."

They all felt drawn to the open doors of a concrete bunker. They entered, called the elevator, and traveled down.

When they stepped out, they followed the sounds of weapons. James said, "That's the Iron Man armor."

Then they reached a room that had slits open to the frigid air.

Hope gasped as Tony cut off a man's arm with his laser. The man fell away and she could see his arm was metal.

She moved to step forward, but James put out his arms to block them all. He said, "Wait--we don't really know what's going on."

They watched a brutal fight. Carol growled when Tony shot the injured man in the back, then kicked the man in the head when he was down.

None of them moved as Captain America used his shield to break Tony's arc reactor.

As the captain picked up his shield and his injured friend, Tony rolled over and saw the four of them standing by the entrance. He pointed toward captain and his friend and said, "Fulfill your oath! Cap betrayed me--make him pay!"

The compulsion made Hope take a step forward along with the others, even though she DIDN'T want to harm the captain and actually wanted to help the friend. But then Stephen did something with his hands and she no longer felt the need to obey Tony Stark.

Stephen said, "This has gone on long enough. We are not your puppets, Stark. No one should be compelled to do something they think is wrong because they made a half-assed promise years ago."

Carol immediately moved to help the injured man walk. As she and the two men passed Stephen, she nodded and said, "Thanks. And congrats...on whatever made you able to do that."

Stephen gave a little smile and bow.

Tony got to his feet and said, "No! You have to STOP them! Barnes killed my parents! Cap KNEW about it!"

Captain America paused and said, "I told you: I didn't know it was him. And it really wasn't Bucky--you saw yourself what happens when he is forced to be the Winter Soldier. But I DID know that Hydra might have been involved with your parents' deaths. I'm sorry this has hurt you, Tony. But I couldn't even think about it myself, much less tell someone else."

James looked sadly at Tony and said, "I get how upset you must be, Tones, but killing somebody isn't the way to deal with it. You KNOW that."

Stephen crossed his arms and said, "You signed the Sokovia Accords, Stark. What are you doing breaking them before the ink is dry?"

Tony glared and said nothing.

Stephen nodded as if confirming something, then said, "I'm going to go look at Barnes and see if there's anything I can do as a doctor. I'll make sure you get a ride home."

He pointed at Tony and said, "Even you."

Hope said, "I think I'll go with you."

***

Outside, Hope and Stephen found Carol, Rogers, and Barnes--along with the new King of Wakanda and apparently the real Vienna bomber.

King T'Challa offered Rogers and Barnes sanctuary in Wakanda. He also explained how he followed Stark to an underwater prison where the rest of Cap's team was probably being held.

Hope was horrified at the idea, and offered to help break them out. Carol and Stephen did the same.

They made arrangements to meet after Barnes got medical help.

When Stark walked out next to James, they decided not to mention anything. Carol said she'd talk to James later.

***

Tony never realized how his insistence on that blood oath changed the fate of the universe. Carol and James stopped Stephen from being kidnapped. Janet and Scott immediately joined the team in Wakanda, where they defeated Thanos without a Snap.

After the Sokovia Accords were abolished, a new team of Defenders took the place of the Avengers. Iron Man wasn't invited to join.

Chapter Text

This is just disgusting. TONY is the one who tried to force himself on Pepper and made rape jokes. Steve has never shown any sexual aggression to ANYONE.

Note: Set in an AU where Tony Stark knows Bruce Wayne.

***

Tony shredded Cap's letter and pounded the phone into atoms. How DARE Cap take the high road? Apologizing AND giving Tony a way to contact Cap (that is unhackable, damn it).

He paced his workshop in anger. Tony needed to do SOMETHING to get back at Cap.

After several minutes of fuming, Tony gave a chilling smile. Then he made arrangements to visit his good friend Bruce Wayne. Who DIDN'T know that Tony knew Bruce was Batman.

***

Bruce was making notes about the list of problems with the Sokovia Accords when Alfred announced Tony Stark had arrived.

He quickly hid his unofficially obtained copy of the Accords and waited to greet the man he'd known for decades. Bruce wasn't sure he'd call him a friend. Stark knew Playboy Bruce Wayne and THOUGHT they were a lot alike. Private Bruce Wayne and Batman were definitely NOT.

The door opened and Tony limped in. Alfred followed with a strange look on his face.

Bruce quickly walked over to Tony and asked, "Is everything okay?"

Tony let all his weight rest on Bruce as Bruce practically dragged him to a sofa. Tony whimpered as he sat.

Bruce said, "Alfred, please bring some tea with brandy."

Tony watched to see Alfred close the door, then clutched at Bruce. Bruce frowned and asked, "Tony, what's wrong?"

Tony said, "You have to help me, Bruce. You know how I signed the Sokovia Accords when I realized that the Avengers needed to be put in check."

Personally, Bruce guessed that the reasons were more personal and less altruistic, but he nodded anyway.

Tony said, "Cap and those TRAITORS refused to sign and disappeared. I met up with them--just to help, NOT to start a fight. But then I found out that Cap's buddy the WINTER SOLDIER was the one who killed my PARENTS."

Bruce said, "I'm sorry to hear that, Tony."

Tony said, "So I got a LITTLE upset. I mean, the guy was right there and I was going to make him pay."

Bruce frowned but said nothing.

Tony continued, "But then Cap went CRAZY. He kept attacking me until he finally disabled the suit."

He took a deep breath, then said, "I stepped out of the suit. And then--then Cap, he...raped me."

Bruce was shocked. From what he knew of Captain Rogers, he didn't think it was possible. He said, "Tony, that's awful. Have you been to a doctor?"

Tony looked startled, then quickly said, "Uh, no, no I don't want to--I can't."

Before Bruce could reply, the door opened and Alfred carried in a tray. As he set it down, he quickly mouthed "Fox" at Bruce.

Bruce eyed Tony as Alfred left. Apparently something was up.

When they were alone, Bruce handed Tony a cup of tea and said, "I take it you aren't going to the police?"

Tony shook his head.

Bruce asked, "Tony, you came here for a reason. What do you want me to do?"

Tony put down the tea and turned to Bruce. He said, "I have a number that COULD lead to Cap. But I--I don't think I can use it. So I was wondering if you knew someone..."

Bruce finished, "Who could find Captain Rogers? And do what?"

Tony's fists clenched as he said, "I just want him to PAY."

Bruce nodded slowly. Then he said, "I'm not promising anything, but maybe you can leave the number with me and I can make some calls...?"

Tony nodded eagerly and quickly pulled out a scorched piece of paper with a phone number scribbled on it.

Bruce asked, "Do you need anything else, Tony? Do you want to stay the night?"

Tony shook his head and said, "I want to get home. I feel...safer there."

As Bruce ushered Tony out, he wondered just what was going on.

***

After Tony drove off, Bruce met Alfred and Lucius Fox in the Batcave. He asked, "What have you got?"

Alfred said, "I suspect that Mr. Stark is not being truthful. I watched him get out of his vehicle. His limp didn't manifest until he made it into the house."

Lucius nodded. He ran a video recording and said, "I watched him plop into his car. No problems with sitting, as far as I could tell. His expression though, it looked...satisfied."

Bruce looked at the image of Tony's smug face and asked, "So you think he's lying?"

Lucius replied, "I KNOW he's hiding something. I did a little research. Stark has been busy the last few days. I have more footage of him showing some bruising on his face, but nothing to suggest he suffered any other kind of attack."

The screen changed to show an object crossing several countries. Lucius explained, "Stark signed the Sokovia Accords, so effectively he should be grounded unless he has permission from the U.N. to go overseas. Yet somehow he ended up taking a little trip to Siberia--under the radar. There's no chatter to suggest there was any kind of approved op."

Bruce said, "That might have been where he needed to go to help Captain Rogers."

Alfred said, "Perhaps you can call Captain Rogers and ask him to confirm?"

***

Tony had Friday scan the news reports every day for word of Captain America's capture and/or death. But there was nothing.

He waited for a full week before finally driving back out to Wayne mansion. This time he stomped up the stairs and through the house until he reached Bruce. He asked, "What the hell?"

Bruce leaned back in his chair and asked, "Could you be more specific?"

Tony crossed his arms and said, "Why haven't you done anything about Cap? I've been waiting for DAYS."

Bruce said, "I DID do something. I called the number you gave me and spoke to Captain Rogers."

Tony said, "You can't believe a word he says. He's a rapist."

Bruce shook his head and said, "No, he isn't. But YOU wanted to be a murderer."

Tony glared and asked, "What makes you say that?"

Bruce replied, "You. I did exactly what you asked, I found Captain Rogers. His story was very different from yours. It involved you traveling to Siberia and then attempting to kill his friend James Barnes, whom you KNEW was a brainwashed POW."

He stood up and said, "I understand how upset you must have been, Tony. But Barnes was never responsible for what happened--HYDRA was. And Captain Rogers certainly wasn't involved. He was in the ice when it happened."

Tony said, "He KNEW. And didn't say anything."

Bruce nodded and said, "He also apparently apologized when he sent you the phone number to reach him. Funny how you left that part out. Rogers was shocked at the rape accusation. He said he was injured himself and his priority was getting Barnes away from you to safety."

Tony sneered, "And you believe HIM over ME?"

Bruce shrugged and said, "He had a witness. The same one who told me your armor's WEAPONS, faceplate, and arc reactor were the only parts damaged. And that you showed no sign of other distress or injury during your ride home."

Tony said, "I hid my 'distress'."

Bruce sighed and said, "The witness showed me the scans his plane made. There's no damage of that kind recorded. You're lying, Tony."

Tony glared and said, "Traitor. You're just like the rest of them."

Then he stomped out. Bruce never saw Tony again, but he got to know Team Cap pretty well. When the Justice League formed, there were lots of extra members.

Chapter Text

Seriously, this is bizarre. Cassie has two parents and a step-parent. There's no one in the MCU that would let Tony Stark adopt any version of Tommy and Billy, especially Wanda herself.

Note: I don't think Stephen Strange is interested in raising children with Tony Stark, no matter how he gets them.

***

Tony rubbed his hands together as he looked at his three captives--uh, children. Adopted children, as soon as he can get Strange to co-sign the papers.

As the three continued to stare at him with dead eyes, he began to sweat.

Boy1 said, "You'd better let us go."

Boy2 said, "Yeah, before Mom finds out."

The girl said, "I thought heroes didn't KIDNAP CHILDREN."

Tony began backing away from them as Boy1's eyes started to glow.

As he got to the door, something bumped into his back. He screamed and turned to see a giant ant crowding the doorway.

The girl said, "Antony! I KNEW you'd come!"

She ran to the insect and flung her arms around it as the two boys followed.

Boy1 made a gesture. In a blink Tony was standing halfway across the room and Boy2's hair was mussed.

As the trio headed out the door and talked about playdates, Tony thought maybe it was a good thing he hadn't mentioned his plan to Strange--or anyone else.

Chapter Text

I really don't understand how anyone would think Steven Universe or any of the Crystal Gems would prop Tony. As far as I can tell, all of them spent their lives trying to protect the world rather than doing whatever they wanted and ignoring their responsibilities. The Diamonds seem more like Tony, using their sense of entitlement and actual privileges to take advantage of others. Plus Pink Diamond is WAY too much like Tony, lashing out and harming others because she is "upset." Why would ANYONE prop that?

Note: I haven't seen the show. Tony called Scott a pissant in one of the films.

***

It was the end of a relaxing weekend for Steven Universe and the Crystal Gems. They were chilling on the beach when suddenly Iron Man landed in front of them.

The armor opened and Tony Stark stepped onto the sand. He said, "Nice place. I guess you won't want to move to the compound. We can call you the Beach branch of the Avengers."

The Gems and Steven looked at each other. Steven decided he was NOT interested, so he decided not to give Stark any recognition. He said, "You're tresspassing. Who are you and why did you show up without an invitation?"

Stark looked insulted as he crossed his arms and said, "Tony Stark. Billionaire, philanthropist, playboy, genius."

Steven shrugged and said, "Not much of a philanthropist if you're still a billionaire."

Tony pointed at the armor and said, "I'm Iron Man. Do you not watch the news?"

Garnet said, "No, I do not. Please leave."

Pearl said, "Yes, I do. Leave. NOW."

Amethyst just closed her eyes and ignored Stark entirely.

Stark's face started getting red. He said, "I'm here to offer a PERSONAL invitation to join the Avengers."

Amethyst didn't open her eyes when she said, "No thanks."

Pearl and Garnet nodded.

Steven said, "Ditto."

Stark stalked over to Steven's lounger and said, "Listen you little pissant. I can buy and sell you all a million times over. You'd better check the attitude."

Suddenly the eyes on the armor lit up and a gauntlet lifted to point at the group.

Steven stood up and said, "This is the appropriate attitude for a blowhard who shows up uninvited looking for new team members because he threw the last group in jail. We have better things to do than bother with a creep like you."

With that, they all walked away, leaving Stark standing on the beach with his jaw hanging open.

They waited until he flew off before they shared high fives.

Chapter Text

This is so bizarre. The prop-Tony writer uses it to claim it made Tony know his father didn't love him and his friends are constantly lying to him. Also that he would be killed if anyone found out about the power, which makes me ask...why?

Note: Set during Iron Man 1.

***

Tony had managed to avoid his responsibilities for most of his life. His ability to tell when people were lying made him a master manipulator. He LET people lie to him pretty often, if they were helping him avoid things he didn't want to know or do. And it helped get in out of trouble when a large amount of cash didn't do the job.

Not this time. He stared at the slender, native man who just informed Tony the car battery attached to his chest was keeping him alive.

Tony swallowed and said, "You're telling the truth. It's not just some crazy prank to get me to do something."

The man--Yinsen--frowned and asked, "What are you talking about? Of course I am telling the truth."

Tony waved a hand and said, "I've got a stoplight system in my head. You're glowing all green. Little lies are yellow, and whoppers are red. You're green all the way."

Later, he would blame the drugs still in his system for the slip.

A low chuckle behind Tony made the hairs bristle on the back of his neck. He slowly turned to see a large man with a larger grin on his face. The man chuckled again and said, "I will have to thank Stane for such a princely gift."

The man walked over and hauled Tony to his feet. Tony grabbed the battery and held it close as he was hauled out of the room.

The man said, "I had thought to put you to work building me a Jericho missile. But this is more useful...yes, MUCH more useful."

***

Tony soon realized his new life involved standing at the side of a madman's throne, confirming for him when people were telling the truth. After a few lessons on what happened when TONY lied, he soon complied.

He wondered what would have happened if he'd been able to work on the Jericho. Or used his powers for good from the beginning.

Chapter Text

This is a weird one. Peter asks Wanda to use the Mind Stone to bring back his "IronDad" because Peter can't live without him. There's no mention of trying to bring back Vision or Natasha. As far as I can tell, this is not how the Mind Stone works. And where would Wanda get one, anyway? The stones borrowed for the time heist went back to their home universes.

***

Peter hung around the edges of the memorial for Mr. Stark. He told May he wanted to talk to the other teenager he'd seen at the service. But really, he wanted to talk to Wanda Maximoff, the Scarlet Witch.

Finally he saw her standing alone by the edges of a lake. He walked up and said, "Hi, I doubt you remember me--"

Wanda turned to look at him and said, "I saw you in the battle. You are the Spider-Man, yes?"

Peter nodded. He twisted his hands together and said, "Look, I know this sounds crazy, but I need you to help me."

Wanda tilted her head and waited for Peter to go on.

Peter continued, "I can't stand it--Mr. Stark, his death was MY fault. I should have picked up the gauntlet. You have powers--you HAVE to bring Mr. Stark back. You HAVE to."

Wanda frowned and asked, "Why are you coming to me? I don't have any of the stones. I would think the Time Stone would be what you needed."

Peter frowned and said, "Dr. Strange wouldn't help me. Said that THIS is what he saw happening."

He stepped closer and said, "If you'll do it, I'll get you the Mind Stone. Somehow."

Wanda looked at the lake. She wiped tears from her eyes, then said, "You don't know anything about me. But if I had the power that you talk about, Tony Stark is the LAST person I'd bring back."

She turned to Peter and said, "Stark is the reason Vision is still dead. And Natasha. And everyone else who died AFTER Thanos snapped."

Peter stepped back, shocked. He said, "No, that's not possible."

Wanda nodded and said, "He said the only way he would help is if the others only brought the snapped people back. They were not allowed to simply make it as if the snap never happened."

Peter bowed his head and thought. Then he took a deep breath and lifted his head. He said, "I'm sorry for the people you lost. And I'm sorry for--for what I asked you to do. Please believe me, I didn't know--about any of it."

Wanda nodded and turned back to the lake. Peter stood beside her as he felt his view of the world--and Mr. Stark--change.

Chapter Text

In yet another "left to die in Siberia" lie, instead of using a communication device, riding Zemo's snowmobile, or noticing T'Challa and his jet, Tony lays down and waits to die in Siberia. But somehow a magic wolf transforms him. I don't buy it. Tony betrayed his "pack" when they decided not to obey him. Tony is known for being self-centered, selfish, and reckless. None of these things make him attractive to a group of wolves, magic or otherwise. How might it really turn out?

***

T'Challa stood above Tony with his arms folded. Tony ignored him.

T'Challa said, "Very well, indulge your stubbornness. If you will not accept a ride with me, there is a working vehicle outside with directions to the nearest transportation center. Additionally, I will inform your people of your location and condition, which from my assessment is bruised but otherwise unchanged."

Tony frowned and said, "Don't you DARE tell anyone I'm here."

T'Challa lifted an eyebrow and said, "You do not command the King of Wakanda. If there is no change in your circumstances by the time I have left the Vienna bomber with the authorities, I WILL report you."

After T'Challa left, Tony sulked for a while. Then he decided he didn't want the Royal Pain in His Ass to let Pepper know what Tony had been up to. So he got up and went outside.

The snowmobile was there, exactly as T'Challa said. Along with directions and a phone.

Tony left all of it behind and started walking. Wait until Cap saw Tony's frozen corpse. THEN he'd be sorry.

He wasn't too far from the bunker when he heard a howling in the distance. Suddenly Tony realized he should have just gone with T'Challa. He didn't ACTUALLY want to die.

Quickly he turned around and started walking back toward safety.

Suddenly he was surrounded by a pack of large gray wolves. They stared at him with uncanny intelligence.

He heard a voice in his head say, "We know you, Tony Stark."

Tony gasped and asked, "Who was that?"

Another voice said, "The keepers of this land. You have offered yourself to us--we accept."

Suddenly Tony felt a strange feeling pass through his body. He was somehow outside his suit, but it didn't matter because he was covered in thick gray fur. HE was a wolf.

Tony asked, "What happened?" But it sounded like a whimper.

A large female wolf stepped forward and thought, "You are one with us. Part of the pack."

A larger male wolf stepped forward and slapped Tony's snout with a paw. The male wolf thought, "So you WILL behave--or face the consequences."

The other wolves circled around Tony, drawing closer and closer. When he was in the midst of them, they pushed him forward. The nipped at him when he tried to brace himself against their bodies. Soon he was flowing along with them toward a nearby forest.

It would not be a bad life--after Tony realized exactly who was in charge, and that it WASN'T him.

***

Pepper, Vision, Happy, and Rhodey stared at the screen as T'Challa paused the recording.

Rhodey asked, "Is there any chance of turning Tony back?

T'Challa said, "I do not know. I managed to place a tracker on Stark before the drone watching him ran out of power. In none of the recordings does Stark return to human form."

He sighed and said, "I have no knowledge of that land. But it would seem its gods or monsters have claimed Stark for their own."

T'Challa bowed and left them with a link to the tracker.

Pepper said, "I'm not sure how to handle this."

Rhodey asked, "Do we count him as MIA? Stage an accident? We'll never get permission from Ross to go to Siberia."

Pepper frowned and said, "I don't know. But at least we'll be able to keep track of Tony, thanks to T'Challa."

A few days later, Rhodey pretended to be "Tony Stank" and got the package with the phone. He didn't hesitate to use it.

Chapter Text

I'm not sure exactly what this was supposed to accomplish. Daenerys was abused by men in power, including her own brother. And in the series, she became a villain. Why make her share Tony Stark's brain? Queen Daenerys is a voice in Tony's head. I'm not clear on why that would be a good thing.

Note: I've never seen or read Game of Thrones.

***

Tony woke up...different. He felt a strange bubbling in his blood, like a fire running through his veins. He sat up and said, "Wonder what I drank last night to do THIS--I'll need to remember the recipe."

A voice in his head said, "Where am I? Where are my legions and dragons?"

Tony sat up and said, "Who the hell are you and why are you in my head?"

The voice replied, "I am Queen Daenerys. Take care how you address me."

Tony chuckled and said, "You ain't the boss of me."

Suddenly he felt paralyzed. Daenerys said, "That remains to be determined."

Tony managed to regain control. He said, "Do that again, Queenie, and I'll get us locked in the loony bin faster than you can say Exorcist."

***

Tony and Daenerys didn't really cooperate, but she soon learned NOT to make Tony look crazy.

After a week, Tony brought them to the workshop and said, "So it seems like you had powers or something. Let's see if you'll be any help in my project."

Daenerys asked, "What project?"

Tony said, "Revenge on everyone who BETRAYED and ABANDONED me."

Daenerys said, "Explain. I was sold by my brother to a barbarian king. I know the need for revenge."

Tony quickly explained how he worked so HARD and was SO UPSET by things that happened. Yet Team Cap DARED to refuse to sign the Sokovia Accords and how Captain Crap DARED to prevent Tony from making the Winter Soldier pay.

So what if he left out the bit about the brainwashing? Queenie was now on board the revenge train.

Tony used the phone to set up a meeting with Cap, claiming that he had info that needed to be shared in person.

He grinned when Cap stepped into the clearing without any weapons.

Daenerys thought, "The man is a fool to greet an enemy as a friend."

Cap said, "Hi Tony, I'm glad to see you're doing okay. How are Vision and Rhodey?"

Tony said, "Recovering. Doesn't mean you shouldn't still feel guilty, traitor."

Cap tilted his head to the side and asked, "What are you talking about? Vision shot Rhodey."

Tony snapped, "YOU should have signed the Accords. Then no one would have been at the airport."

Cap shook his head and said, "I would never sign away my civil rights, or agree that I'm just a weapon to be ordered to fire by anyone, including the United Nations."

Tony said, "Well what about your main squeeze? He KILLED my PARENTS."

Cap sighed and said, "You know that's not true, Tony. The Winter Soldier is like a pistol or a drone. BUCKY is a human being, who was tortured by Hydra for decades. You said it yourself, he's the Manchurian Candidate, not in control of his actions."

Tony snarled and raised his gauntlet. He said, "Well I am DEFINITELY in charge of kicking your ass."

Suddenly he was paralyzed again. Daenerys said through Tony's mouth, "My apologies, Captain. I thought all Starks were people of honor. I was mistaken with this one. He lied. I will NOT be a party to this farce."

Cap asked, "Who...are you another personality? What happened to Tony?"

She replied, "I am Queen Daenerys Terragyen. I existed in another world, but now seem bonded to this Sta