Chapter Text
Teshima’s flight would board in two hours and five minutes. Four minutes ago, he and his best friend, Aoyagi Hajime, traversed the main entrance of Narita International Airport. After checking in and relinquishing his suitcases to the Airport staff, Teshima decided it was probably best to make the most of what little time left he had with Aoyagi before saying goodbye to him at security. His plane would take him across the Pacific to Peru, where he planned on spending the second semester of his sophomore year at Chiba University. Once he was passed the gate, there was no going back.
Teshima glanced over at his friend, who was staring at a crispy, golden brown potato chip entering the mouth of some lucky kid. Smiling, Teshima pointed to one of many fast food restaurants lining the the hallways of the airport.
“Do you wanna grab a bite? I still have time before I board,” he asked, already knowing the answer.
Aoyagi gave a satisfied nod, and they walked over to the restaurant together. They didn’t have much to talk about, but the silence wasn’t uncomfortable. They people-watched as they made their way to their destination. Nobody stood out much. Soon, the two arrived at the restaurant, Aoyagi eagerly leading Teshima to the “enter line here” sign near the counter.
As per usual, Teshima ordered Aoyagi’s food for him, giving him a quick look to wait for approval beforehand. They received their food and sat down at the nearest table. A nervous silence filled the air as they began munching on fries -- not that Aoyagi noticed much, as he was too busy enjoying the break in his otherwise healthy diet. Sensing the heavy atmosphere, Teshima spoke up.
“You know we aren’t going to lose contact, right? We’ll be as close as always, just…. not as physically close, yeah?”
Aoyagi looked up from his fries and immediately felt the tension in the air. Teshima had already voiced the issue weighing on Aoyagi’s shoulders multiple times since a few months ago, when the former pitched him the idea of him going abroad to study and train. It wasn’t like he had any doubts in the strength of their friendship, but no matter how often they discussed it, thinking about being apart didn’t get any easier. Teshima was convinced it was a necessary trip, however, and even offered to take Aoyagi with him. Too bad Aoyagi’s parents had refused, insisting that leaving would be harmful to his grades and relationships. Well, in some way, they weren’t that far off from the truth.
Unable to look Teshima in the eyes, Aoyagi didn’t give any other outward sign that he had heard him. His gaze strayed from his food onto Teshima’s clenched fists resting on the table. He furrowed his eyebrows in worry. Knowing that their friendship would survive the distance didn’t make the situation any better, despite the continuous reassurance from his Teshima and everyone else on the cycling team. After a moment, Aoyagi gave a slight nod of understanding and continued eating, his long hair falling in his face. He hadn’t cut it in a while because Teshima said he looked better when his hair was long, and he trusted his friend’s opinion more than his own when it came to matters like these.
By the time they had both finished eating, Teshima realized more time had passed than he originally thought. He looked at his watch. He only had an hour and a half before he had to be at the gate, meaning he only had about thirty minutes left with Aoyagi. Teshima quickly stood up, only to find that Aoyagi had done the same.
“Hey, wanna help me find a magazine or book or something to read on the plane? It’ll help take my mind off of...” Teshima cut himself off with a conspicuous cough. He didn’t dare continue his thoughts and say what he was thinking out loud, but Aoyagi got the message anyway. He nodded, following Teshima to a convenience store near the restaurant at which they ate. They shuffled through the various magazines, skimming them as they searched. There was a sports magazine featuring a relatively interesting article about biking that caught Aoyagi’s attention, though he didn’t dare suggest it: he worried it would do everything but take Teshima’s mind off his problems. Instead, they settled on a travel-sized basic spanish grammar book.
Also grabbing a bag of carrots, the two of them went to the register, paid for their items, and exited the store. Teshima reluctantly looked at his watch again, realizing it was time to go. They made eye contact and wordlessly headed over to where they would part ways.
The security gate wasn’t far from the convenience store. One long hallway was all that stood between the two students and the TSA officers. They walked quietly. This time around, though, the atmosphere was heavy with anxiety. Teshima couldn’t even look at Aoyagi during the last leg of their trip together. Aoyagi couldn’t look at him either, for that matter. With the noise of the airport filling the silence between them, Teshima and Aoyagi continued down the hallways until they reached Airport Security.
Both of them had thought over what they would say when this time came, but now that the moment was right in front of them, the words couldn’t come out. This wasn’t unusual for Aoyagi, but the fact that Teshima had difficulty speaking as well only made it harder. Teshima’s carry-on bag felt ten times heavier than it had before. He knew that Aoyagi was depending on him to say something helpful now, but it had never been harder to break the silence.
“I’ll be back before you know it,” he tried. He knew it was overused, but it was better than nothing. Aoyagi didn’t reply. Teshima looked away. “I’ll miss you, Hajime.” This time he spoke softer than before. Aoyagi’s heart clenched.
“You too, Junta.” He forced himself to look up from the ground and into Teshima’s eyes. Teshima was trying to give him a reassuring smile, but Aoyagi could tell he was biting the inside of his lip. Before he knew what was happening, Teshima was hugging him tightly, clutching the fabric of his shirt. Aoyagi gripped him back.
“Man, what am I going to do without you,” Teshima laughed shakily as he released Aoyagi. He took a deep breath, steadying himself and waiting for Aoyagi’s reaction. Aoyagi didn’t even know how Teshima could say that when he thought it was obvious that he relied far more on Teshima than Teshima did on him.
“You’ll be fine,” replied Aoyagi in as confident of a voice as he could muster, “and I’ll be here, waiting to ride with you again when you get back.”
Teshima laughed and half-heartedly ruffled Aoyagi’s hair. “I know you will.”
“Pacific Airlines flight 855 to Peru is boarding in 20 minutes. I repeat, Pacific Airlines flight 865 to Peru is boarding in 20 minutes.”
Teshima almost sighed with relief upon hearing the announcement. He didn’t know what else he could say to Aoyagi. He swung his carry-on over his shoulder, smiled sincerely at Aoyagi, and disappeared within the mass of people at the security gate. With one final look back in Aoyagi’s direction, Teshima was gone, and Aoyagi had become a team of one again.
xxx
They had absolutely intended to keep in close contact with one another and communicate every day if possible, but it quickly became apparent that it wasn’t possible at all. With the time difference, both of their busy schedules, and the flimsy internet connection of the Peruvian mountains, the two of them were lucky if they exchanged emails once a week. Aoyagi handwrote a letter to Teshima only a few days after he departed, but didn’t receive a reply until three weeks later. It didn’t help that Aoyagi’s written communication had previously consisted of punctuation marks and a word or two if absolutely necessary. It was difficult for him to compose an email of even a few sentences, especially because he wasn’t used to have to communicate much of anything to his nearly-telepathic friend. So one email a week soon turned into one email a month, and eventually neither of them could bring themselves to write anything else once the situation became clear.
Teshima felt at fault for not clearing more time of his schedule to keep up with the people he cared about, especially Aoyagi. To be fair, though, his family got even fewer emails. Training in the mountains was tough, and he was working almost nonstop trying to strengthen his lungs and build up relationships with the local villagers, who were very kind in teaching him Spanish. Every time he thought of Aoyagi, his heart sank, both from guilt and because he missed him.
Aoyagi blamed himself for not being able to write better emails. Although Teshima’s emails were far and few in between, they were always long and filled with details on his life in Peru.
… and Hajime, you won’t believe it, but today I rode an alpaca up one of the mountains! I stopped in a village to grab some water during one of my rides, and a native woman was herding a few when she saw me and offered me a ride up. It was cool, but I was so scared it would bite me…
Aoyagi was genuinely interested in Teshima’s adventures, but no matter what he felt while reading the emails, his responses were always incredibly lackluster despite his efforts. They usually included bland, uncaptivating lines about his daily life in chiba. Sounds fun, Junta! Enjoy your trip! Maybe he would throw in a small anecdote if he was up for it.
...I rode to Akhiba today and saw Onoda. He’s doing well and says hello. He bought anime DVDs and we went for udon afterwards. See you soon…
He often tried riding his bike to try and escape the problem, but the absence of Teshima was always way too obvious and foreign when cycling. Aoyagi eventually got used to it -- and surprisingly, that made him even more miserable. How could he enjoy riding when his best friend wasn’t around to ride with him? It was worse than just missing Teshima.
Consequentially, the emails stopped for a while as they both attempted to focus on other things. Months passed, and before they knew it, it was three days before Teshima would return home. Aoyagi was very aware of this -- he had been shamelessly counting down the days until his return, even though they stopped talking (especially since they stopped talking). Then Aoyagi opened his inbox to see a new mail, from none other than Teshima Junta. His heart skipped a beat as he worried what the email would say -- “I don’t want to see you when I get back”? “You’re an awful friend” ? Something even worse?
He clicked the email, and wasn’t quite sure how to react to what he read.
Aoyagi, I’m returning home in three days and am greatly looking forward to seeing you again. I would love for you to meet me at the airport when I arrive. If that’s in an inconvenience, no worries. See you when I get back.
Teshima’s sentences were worded somewhat formally, and it was definitely the shortest email he had gotten since Teshima had left. Stupid, thought Aoyagi, don’t you know I would have been there whether or not you asked me?
Attempting to dissolve the the awkward formality, Aoyagi bluntly replied with a “!!!!!” in hopes that Teshima would see that nothing really changed and maybe they could go back to the way things were as soon as Teshima got back.
He wasn’t expecting Teshima to reply at all, but only a few hours later a new message appeared from him.
Hopefully that means I will see you at the airport! If not, we’ll have to meet up soon afterwards. Would you mind letting me know if you will be able to make it? If you can’t, I’ll have to arrange another ride.
Aoyagi wished Teshima hadn’t replied at all. Was Aoyagi only his ride home now? Was he mad at him for his shitty emails and generally bad communication skills? Even though it was against his better instinct, he hit the reply button and sent a simple “ill be there,” realizing only after he sent it that it was the same type of dull and uninterested email that had gotten him into this mess.
On the other side of the ocean, Teshima swatted a mosquito and prayed that his internet wouldn’t disconnect before his email to Aoyagi went through. He had typed it out incredibly fast, hoping that the connection would be stable enough for a while. But wasn’t looking good. When the email finally sent, he let out a huge sigh of relief, and only then did he allow himself to worry about what he had actually sent. He didn’t want to assume that Aoyagi would still be willing to come meet him, nonetheless drive him home, after Teshima had basically ignored him the entire time he had been here. Of course, it wasn’t intentional; he had even mentioned how awful the internet was and how busy he had been, but it was no excuse. He had promised to stay in touch, and he had failed miserably; now he could only hope that Aoyagi would forgive him.
The fateful day of Teshima’s return finally arrived, after both guys spend the last three days as nervous wrecks. Teshima was frantically packing and unpacking, always thinking that he had forgotten something in his haste, only to realize what he was looking for was in his suitcase. Aoyagi cleaned his messy room until there wasn’t a speck of dirt, then polished his bike and refilled the air in his tires. While not necessary, his activities were mindless enough to take his mind off of his anxieties concerning the return of his best friend. (Were they still best friends? What if Teshima had found someone cooler in Peru and invited him to come back to Japan with him?)
The hours Teshima spent on the plane ride home were the longest of his life. He had forgotten to get a book to read on the ride, but watching a gory action movie on the tiny backseat screen only worsened his nausea. Even a biking magazine would have helped him in his state. He felt restricted to his seat; there were too many people around him; and the space seemed to close in on him, tighter and tighter, as the flight neared closer to Narita. He could barely breathe; the air was too thick, and he had visited the restrooms at the back of the plane too many times for a ride of only 12 hours.
Aoyagi’s car ride to the airport wasn’t quite as bad, but his hands gripped the wheel so tightly that his knuckles were white and his palms turned red. He raised the stereo’s volume up to an absurd level, and he definitely wasn’t listening for the millionth time to the last CD Teshima had lent him before leaving. He pulled into the parking lot and allowed himself three minutes to regain his composure and wonder how this was going to go. Would they hug dramatically and everything go back to normal? (No, said the logical part of Aoyagi’s mind. Dramatic hugs were not their style. And the pessimistic -- realistic, rather -- part of his mind chimed in that there was no way things could just go back to normal after how badly he had messed up. But there was a part of him that felt, no matter what, their friendship could still make it through. Maybe they could just act like nothing happened. Or maybe Teshima really did hate him and want nothing to do with him anymore.
He forced the thoughts out of his head as he got out of his car, locked it, and slowly headed towards the airport entrance.
Teshima’s first steps off of the airplane were filled with relief; it really did feel good to be home. After the relief faded, however, nervousness began to invade his stomach again and he found himself walking slower and slower towards the baggage claim. Even the thought of picking up his luggage filled him with dread because of what was to come afterwards. He had absolutely no idea how Aoyagi was going to treat him. Teshima was almost 99% sure he was mad, and he definitely had the right to be, but Teshima hoped that they could at least work past it.
Bags and suitcases in hand, Teshima strided towards the exit.
It was difficult for Aoyagi to find Teshima in the crowd. Aoyagi almost didn’t recognize him when he first caught sight of him; his skin had tanned drastically, and his hair was considerably longer and curlier. He was definitely a little more built. Honestly, he kind of looked like he could be a model. Aoyagi nevertheless had no doubts that it was him once the initial surprise was gone. Aoyagi grinned a little and raised his arm up in an attempt to catch Teshima’s eye. After scanning the crowd, Teshima’s gaze finally landed on Aoyagi, and he broke into a smile and waved.
Teshima attempted to gently force his way through the crowd, and Aoyagi was slightly amused at his friend’s difficulty to reach him. He eventually made it over, though a little out of breath, and gave Aoyagi an incredibly genuine smile that Aoyagi hadn’t even realized he missed.
“Hajime! It’s so good to finally see you again,” Teshima exhaled, relieved. Aoyagi nodded enthusiastically. There was a long pause before the conversation continued..
“How was your plane ride?” Aoyagi finally asked.
“Sorry, what was that? It’s kind of loud in here!” Teshima exclaimed sheepishly as he leaned closer to Aoyagi, straining to hear him. Aoyagi hesitated. Teshima never had a problem hearing him before, no matter the environment.
“I just asked how your plane ride was.” Aoyagi was well aware that this time his response was even quieter. He also knew he was acting petty and unreasonable; Teshima had literally just gotten off the plane and he was about to mess things up again.
“Oh, yeah! Mhm,” Teshima replied noncommittally as he nodded slightly.
Aoyagi tried to let Teshima’s answer not bother him, even though it really did. Something was weird. He tried to ignore it, instead choosing to blame it on Teshima’s plane fatigue and jet lag and the inhospitable airport atmosphere. He just wanted to get out of there.
He shot a worried glance at Teshima, whose arms were shaking from carrying the heavy luggage. He shouldn’t be carrying so much or he’ll pull a muscl--
“Huh, Aoyagi, what’s wrong?”
Aoyagi congratulated himself for finally getting a message across, and pointed in the general direction of his friend, who was a few meters in front of him.
“...Haha, you’re right, my hair does look frizzier than usual! The humidity there was pretty brutal.” Teshima was pretty satisfied with his reply, mostly convinced he had correctly figured out what Aoyagi was worried about. Aoyagi, on the other hand, was more frustrated than ever. Why couldn’t Teshima figure out what he was saying? At least it didn’t seem like Teshima was mad at him. Rather, Teshima appeared to be more wrapped up in his hair than mad at Aoyagi -- literally. His curls were a mess, falling out of his loose ponytail and flying around haphazardly while they walked. Actually, it didn’t really look that bad. Messy, without a doubt, but not awful.
Teshima was unconsciously playing with his hair as he considered his last response to Aoyagi. The more he thought about it, the less adequate it seemed. But what had Aoyagi been trying to say? It kept bothering him, and he now felt embarrassed by his mistake, even though Aoyagi hadn’t mentioned anything. However, a more pressing matter was tugging him down. His luggage. He felt like he was going to drop everything at any time now; all of his muscles were straining to keep it all together.
“Hey, sorry to ask, but do you think you could take one of my bags?” he hesitantly asked Aoyagi. Aoyagi gave him a deadpan look like he had just said the stupidest thing on earth and reached out to grab a couple bags. Teshima exhaled as he was relieved of some of the weight. “So, um, how have you been?”
Aoyagi shrugged. Honestly, he hadn’t been very good. He was glad Teshima was back, and incredibly relieved that he didn’t seem to be mad at him -- but their reunion was still a bit disappointing.
“That’s good, I’ve been okay too. It’s really nice to be back!”
Aoyagi felt his eye twitch in annoyance. Was Teshima doing this on purpose? Maybe he was mad, and this was some kind of punishment. He had never had this much trouble understanding Aoyagi before, not even when they had first met. At least back then, Teshima had been talking consistently: chatting, or strategizing, or encouraging Aoyagi. Now, Teshima was just quiet and wrong.
But maybe Teshima wasn’t the only one who was wrong. Maybe Aoyagi messed it up too.