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Someday It Won't Hurt Anymore

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•Day 1 Without Penelope Park•

Today she found herself waking up surrounded by the scent of herbal shampoo and her subtle rose perfume.

After Penelope left, she had went to the dorms and bypassed her own, heading straight to Penelope's.

She crawled into the older witch’s bed without even bothered to change out of her dress and sobbed into the only thing she had left of her ex.

She felt numb to the world as she laid there in the aftermath of her sorrow.

Eyes puffy and swollen and a heart shattered beyond repair.

By now Penelope would be in Belgium, thousands of miles away and starting her new life.

Meanwhile, she was stuck reliving the past.

I love you, Jojo.

It was the only thing that was going through her head.

I love you, Jojo.

She had said it in the letter too, but hearing her say it- Hearing Penelope say those words to her, cut her like a knife.

She remembered how her trembling hand felt against her cheek as she wiped away her tears.

She could still feel the shuttered breath against her shoulder when Penelope took her into her arms.

The ache and the sick feeling in her stomach were ever-so prominent as she buried herself further into Penelope's pillow.

She should've never put Penelope anything but first.

She should've treated her better and she should've loved her the way she deserved.

It was too late, though and she couldn't fix it.

Instead you gave me a 1,000 reasons to go.

She knew that this was all her fault and she had nobody to blame but herself.

So, she just had to live with this pain.

Maybe someday it won't hurt this bad.

But today was not that day.

 

•Day 30 Without Penelope Park•

It had been exactly a month since Penelope Park walked out of her life and she wasn't doing any better.

After two days of Penelope being gone, she had finally dragged herself out of her bed when the scent of her started to fade a bit.

Lizzie knew better than to hound her sister when she walked through the doors of their dorm.

She quickly changed out of her dress and into some sweats and an old hoodie she had stolen from Penelope forever ago.

Normally, she would've questioned why Hope was sitting on Lizzie's bed extremely close for how much she thought they hated each other.

She also would've questioned why their hands were interlocked on Lizzie's lap, but in that moment, she didn't care and she crawled into her bed without a word.

“Josie?”

The blonde was met with silence and she shared a worried look with Hope before letting go of her hand and moving to stand and slowly approach her bed.

“Do you need anything?” Lizzie asked, unsure of what to do.

Numbness was all Josie felt as she pulled the covers higher and over her head, willing Lizzie to leave her alone.

After two weeks of no Penelope, Alaric had practically forced Josie to start going back to her classes and made her visit Emma for counseling.

It was a wasted visit because Josie just sat there in silence, knees pulled to her chest and staring out the window.

And it definitely only caused her parents and Lizzie to become even more worried about her.

Not much has changed since then.

Josie spoke more and she got on with her life but she couldn't get over Penelope.

She didn't think she ever would.

 

•Day 289 Without Penelope Park•

It was her 17th birthday and she was less than excited for it, but she faked it so that Lizzie would be happy.

She was currently sitting off to the side at the surprise party Hope had thrown for the twins in the Old Mill.

Lizzie and Hope had officially become a thing about 3 months prior and they were thriving together.

It has surprised her a bit but they were so good for each other that she couldn't be anything but happy for her twin.

"You seem less than enthusiastic about this party." Hope said as she approached the brunette with a raised eyebrow.

"No! No, it's great, Hope. I really appreciate you doing this for us."

 

Her smile was forced and fake and Hope could see right through it.

"I talked to her today." Hope told her gently as she sat down next to her.

"She's doing pretty well. She graduates in a week. She got ahead and school and they are letting her leave early."

"That's amazing. I'm happy for her." She smiled with glassy eyes.

Hope sat there in silence for a little while as she watched her struggle with the emotions that were swirling around in her eyes.

The auburn haired girl was deciding if it was a good idea to tell her that Penelope had asked about her.

Would it break her?

Would it finally shatter the wall that Josie had put up ever since Penelope walked out of the Salvatore School.

Or maybe it would settle her a little bit.

Maybe it would show her that Penelope still cared about her.

Hope decided she would take her chances and tell her.

"She asked me about you."

She seemed to perk up at the comment and her eyes shot up to meet Hope’s.

"She said, 'tell Jojo I said happy birthday and to try not to set anyone on fire again'. She said she misses you and she hopes you're happy."

She let out a tearful laugh at the comment, totally able to imagine the smirk on Penelope's face as she said it.

It hurt.

But almost a good kind of hurt.

"I miss her too."

Then the 'good hurt' turned into an ache in her chest as she remembered that Penelope was gone and she probably wasn't coming back.

 

•Day 365 Without Penelope Park•

A year without Penelope felt like a lifetime.

A lifetime that Josie didn't want to live.

She had hauled up on their spot on the roof of the school, all day, hiding away from everyone.
She felt as though she was regressing in any progress that she had made in the past year, but in reality, she hadn't really made any progress to begin with.

That's why she had found herself high off of her ass as she started her third blunt of that day.

She never really was into smoking weed until she got with Penelope.
She only ever did smoke with Penelope and no one else.

It was their thing and Josie refused to do it with anyone else.

But here, all alone and in their spot, Josie smoked until she felt close to passing out.

She was wrapped up in one of Penelope’s hoodies that had just the faintest about of her perfume on it left as she took another drag and then buried her nose into the neck of the hoodie.

It wasn't the same as being with Penelope.

But it was damn close.

And Josie would take what she could get.

 

•Day 822 Without Penelope Park•

Penelope turned 20 today and the younger brunette had woken up with a heaviness in her heart and a pounding headache.

She rolled over and instantly went to check Instagram and saw Penelope had posted a picture with two people she assumed were her friends at a club, obviously celebrating.

She was apparently in Amsterdam now and she looked oh-so beautiful.

Her prominent and perfect features had matured slightly since the last time she saw her and she couldn't help but fall even more in love.

She imagined that there was a world where she and Penelope were together on this day.

She imagined that she had woken up to the witch in bed next to her and her having a whole day planned to celebrate Penelope.

She would have had her favorite breakfast of chocolate chip waffles and strawberries made along with her favorite flavored coffee. She would have bought her a concerning amount of presents and Penelope would've complained about how much money that the younger witch spent, but she wouldn't care and Penelope would secretly love being pampered.

They would've met up with their friends later that night and had dinner and spent time laughing and being happy before heading home to finish the night out with just the two of them.

But she didn't know Penelope anymore.

She could be a hero, saving her new friends and a doer of good.

She could have a new person in her bed every night living a carefree life.

She could be like herself and long for Josie every single night and suffer in silence.

Penelope could be anyone at this point.

She liked to imagine her having an amazing and happy life.

She liked to imagine she was doing just fine without her.

But she would never know.

 

•Day 1384 without Penelope Park•

21 was treating her great.

At least now she was legally allowed to get completely trashed, despite her father and mother's wishes.

She had been doing well considering, but that night she had fallen down a rabbit hole.

 

And she didn't really care. .

They had moved to New York City when they graduated, Josie working at a cute little coffee shop and singing at gigs every couple of weekends, and Lizzie was working in a fashion business.

The girls had spent the day with their parents who had drove up to visit them, and then the night with Lizzie's now fiancée Hope, MG, Kaleb and Landon- the latter three also having come up to visit them.
Hope had offered to drive the boys back to their hotel so that left Lizzie alone to basically carry her sister up the stairs and into their apartment.

"Jo, I can't believe you got this messed up. I know it's our 21st, but damn." Lizzie groaned as she struggle to keep the brunette upright.

"S'no fun f'I don't drink." She slurred as Lizzie tried to lay her down on her bed as gently as she could.

"Well, it's no fun for me having to drag your drunk ass home at 3 am."

The blonde painted as she finally was able to stand upright and catch her breath.

Josie's nonchalant mood had suddenly taken a turn for the worst as she clutch desperately to Lizzie's arm.

"M'miss s'her." She whispered.

"It's been 5 years, Jo." Lizzie sighed as she pushed some of her slightly younger twin's hair back behind her ear.

"Still hurts."

Tears filled her blurry, unfocused eyes as Lizzie sighed and crawled under the covers next to her sister.

Hope would just have to sleep alone tonight.

"Satan really fucked you up, huh?"

The only noise that could be heard were the passing cars below their apartment and her whimpered sobs into Lizzie's neck.

She still wasn't better.

 

•Day 2192 without Penelope Park•

She called her this morning.

Tears filled her eyes at the sound of her voice as she answered.

“Jojo?”

“Hey, Penny.” Josie sniffled as she clutched to the necklace around her neck.

Silence lingered for a moment before Josie completely broke down.

She knew that this was the last time that she would ever hear her voice.

The last time they would ever speak.

 

So she swallowed her pride and she told her what she should have told her all those years ago.

“I still love you. I love you so much. I'm so sorry I never told you that. You deserved so much better than what I put you through. I'm so sorry, Penelope.”

Josie hung up before Penelope could even respond and she shut her phone off after the five back to back calls from the raven haired witch, not able to take seeing her phone ring and not answer it anymore.

Maybe today would be better.

No more worrying. No more stress. No more hoping for miracles that were never coming.

No more longing. No more yearning. No more hoping and no more crying.

Okay, maybe a little more crying.

"Are you even going to try today?" Lizzie whispered, holding tight to the brunette's body as they laid cuddled in bed.

Silence lingered for a few moments giving the blonde all the answer she needed as she let out a whimper, fighting back tears.

"Let's just enjoy right now."

They both knew that she had given up years ago.

Today her sister would go on to live the rest of life and she would move on to peace.

Maybe she won't hurt today.

Maybe today will be better.

She knew it wasn't true.

But maybe...

Maybe when she's gone..

Maybe it won't hurt anymore.