Mom left me alone in my room, leaving me to ruminate on the fact I would probably not be in Class E for much longer. My mind and eyes wandered towards the dress hanging in the closet.
While my mom often held out dresses in front of me and commented on how cute they would look if I was wearing them, mom never actually made me wear them. What was she attempting to do? It was an exercise in futility. It was an exercise in futility that wasted what little money we had. In addition, the fact mom is paying a huge bribe to put me back into Class D sent the already strained concept to the absurd. She'd buy the dresses, show them off on me once, talk about how things would be better if I were a girl, and then they would collect dust in my closet.
I hate to admit it, but I did often look good in those dresses, given the brief glances I got while she was showing them off. Not to mention the multiple times Karma and Rio forced me into women's clothing and the attention I got... I wondered. What would I look like if I actually wore one of the dresses mother bought? It’d probably work well. The one time I did wear a dress, I caught the attention of Yuuji, as embarrassing as that was.
The dress fit me incredibly well, as I guessed. Mom did buy it for her "daughter". The pink felt a little tacky, was mom overcompensating because I was her son? I felt oddly at-ease wearing it. Maybe it wouldn't have been too bad to be born as a girl. It'd save me from the harassment I got from being feminine, and mom wouldn't be so vicious on me.
I recoiled from that thought. Did I WANT to be my mom's second chance? Am I really nothing other than my mom’s replacement? Mom was going to take me out of Class E and all I was doing was playing around in drag.
I felt like vomiting.