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Wasting Away

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High school is supposed to be where you start to find yourself. It happens to everyone. Well, everyone whose high school isn't a fortress that was built to help fight evil clothing aliens. At that point, your high school life only has one real purpose. You aren't allowed to be a normal student. You have been transformed into a solider, a fighter, someone who really could die at any moment. But, you don't really focus on that, you're too busy focusing on the fighting that will keep you from dying.

Then, it stops.

You realized it, right? You knew it would happen. That one day the fighting would be over. One day, someone was going to win or lose. You just got lucky enough to be on the winning side.

You're alive.

Alive.

So, now what?

You realized this also. The time to find your purpose had been stolen from you. You're an adult now. Once again you only have one purpose, to waste away. You and your girlfriend have been wasting away together for the past few months.

At least you have each other.

That's a happy thought, but its not really the case.

Sure, you have been together, but its hard to say that you're together in a relationship sense. You originally stayed with her because that's what couples do sometimes.

When you were really a couple...Ah, those were good times.

Back then, everyone was still pretty close together too. You guys would always plan someway to meet up and catch up on what was going on in everyone's lives. It was nice to be together like the good old days, without the fighting and threat of death. Everyone was doing so well then.

They're probably all wasting away just like you are now.

It happens to everything, don't feel bad about it. In fact, you'd never say it to her face, but your feelings for her had long since wasted away. You knew that she knew it too.

Everything was in the past, the arguments you'd have just to hear her voice, the times you could lift her up like she was a feather, every single 'I love you' that ever been exchanged between the two of you, the small dates at parks, the big extravagant ones where you pampered her, and the first kissed you ever shared. It was all in the past.

Everyone was in the past. You can hardly remember the last time you talked to anyone besides her. When was the last time you talked to her? Really talked to her and had a real conversation that wasn't a short exchange of words. Its been too long. You can't remember.

You were just in the same building together. You weren't even sleeping in the same beds anymore. Time was wasting away. Had it only been a few months? It felt longer.

Where is she anyways?

You can't remember.

She walked into the room. She walked past you. You think she looked at you out of the corner of her eyes, but you were probably just imagining things. Part of your heart probably wished she'd still look at you. That she'd look at you the way she used to. Sometimes with anger, sometimes annoyance, and the times that you cherished the most, when you could tell that she loved you.

Those were in the past too.

You looked up when she grunted what was probably a greeting towards you. It was probably out of obligation. Its rude to walk past your boyfriend, well, someone you're just living with and not acknowledge them.

Before you could respond she had left.

Where was she going?

Where had she been?

Do you really honestly care?

You probably don't. You'd care if this was the past.

You really want the past back.

You should really move on.

But you can't, you're too busy wasting away in the memories of a life you'll never get back. In the thoughts of what couldn't been. You miss your friends. You miss her. You miss her a lot actually. You still love her, maybe.

You could go after her right now, but you won't. That's probably the worst part.